The Truth is Out There

Someone's really not being nice to me right now. Um. But yeah, no, it's super excited. It's we're filming a little a little north west of town. But I'm so bumped. But yeah, but I got my COVID testing the other day and we have to get it like every other day. So I'm just a lot of sticks up your nose. That sounds like fun. How are you are you? Are you excited to be the man of the month? Mr Mom? Absolutely, That's where I do best more than Mr Mom, I

know that. But anyways, more importantly, I've had this topic on my brain for the last week. Wait time out, I'm sorry. Should we introduce Eastern and Danielle because they're back. Oh yeah, we have to Easton Hi, and Danielle is now going to be hopefully with us as well. Say hello Danielle. Okay, so I don't know what Mike is going to say, so please enlighten all of us. Okay, Yeah,

this is a conversation for all of us. Okay. And it came up when I was at my my buddy's bachelor party a weekend ago or two weekends ago, I guess now, and that we're sitting around a fire one night at Smokers are Go are having a drink and alien the aliens. The topic of aliens came up, Aliens, aliens and it I'm not a big conspiracy theorist. I'm not really not really, no, but when it comes to aliens, those mother efforts exist in my mind. Okay, there's not.

And I've been going deep into podcasts like Joe Rogan had, this guy, George Knapp, and Jeremy Corbell. Okay, I just started watching the Bob Bazar Netflix documentary that Jamie Corbell is the director, producer, and writer on and this guy Bob Blazar who in the eighties basically blew the whistle on areaft one like he exposed it. Yeah, essentially he worked at this place. Essentially, give me all the facts

we need. I'm still learning all the facts on worked at this place called S four Site four, which was like an area fifty one, like an unknown government site in north of Vegas and Nevada. Okay. He said that at us for they had nine UFOs spaceships essentially saucers. Okay, some were were functional, others were bits and pieces. His soul jobs, so they compartmentalized the people working on these things.

His soul job was to work on the propulsion and basically reverse engineer the propulsion mechanism that these UFOs used to fly. Question, were there aliens inside the like? Did he see aliens inside the uf He just saw the flying there. He just saw them in the base and he worked on them. Okay, But the people who worked on propulsion couldn't talk to the people that worked on the electronics. That couldn't talk to the people that worked

on whatever. So they kept them all very compartmentalized. So basically, I'm still again, I'm still learning about all of this and like how deep it goes? But he said that it couldn't be anything that the technology didn't exist for us to have it. So it's not like hours and we just haven't released the technology. It's not Russia's and they just haven't released the technology. Is a physical impossibility for us to have this technology because we can't even

replicate it yet. So anyways, this just gives me on my whole gets me going down a wormhole of just aliens and do they exist? And you know, you said the point that I said to my buddies last weekend, which is great. It's like, at this point I almost want the government to come out and just just tell us or maybe that we even get invaded by aliens, because what listen to me for a second, what better Okay, we've had, we've had all, you know, but you know

the Black Lives matters. Um, we've got COVID, we've got everything else as well. Invadeus aliens, if you're listening to this, picking up our first asking, invaded by Look, I'm just saying, what better to unite this left up world right now than us realizing that we're not alone and actually we are all the same. If we learned, if we learned of extraterrestrials, now we're not alone, it would you. It would have to unite us. That's what I said. I was like, I would hope that it will unite us.

That's what I'm saying. And that's why I'm so happy when you said that, because I was like, that was my exact point to all my buddies. I was like, I would really hope that that could unice. If that couldn't unite, we're screwed. We got no shot. Do you think they have aliens? Remember in Independence Daily? Do you think there's aliens in the those little capsule things? Look All I'm saying is the general physical description or image

of an alien fairly similar. Now granted, in movies nowadays they're kind of getting a little crazy with what they look like, but over the years, they've all been fairly similar. Do you think someone just just came up with that idea like the big head and big eyes one day or did they see it and that's what inspired them to start creating them that way? Eastern? Do you believe in aliens? I I just watched E T for the first time last night, and that got me thinking I

believe in them. I don't know. I've been reading a lot of stuff about how like there are extraterrestrial life forms here, but they're probably like microscopic and it's like bacteria and stuff like that. Yeah, I don't count. It's boring. I want stuff to fly spaceships, but I don't know. I've watched the Ancient Alien Show a couple of times, and uh, that I find extremely problematic. It's like, he can't. Can't people just have built the pyramids? But I don't know.

I feel like they've probably shown up at some point and then bailed because we're such a low life form. Um. But you know, there's and again talking about movies, there's a movie called Contact, and they had a quote in that movie that if you look up out in the night sky and see all those planets, it would be such a waste of universe to only have humans. You know, so it got be something exactly, it'd be it'd be

a crazy theory to think that we're alone. It would be appropriate that Earth things would be so narcissistic, narcissistic that we're like, not, we're the only ones, We're the best. Um. Danielle Girls perspective. Do you believe in aliens? There's a whole galaxy out there and we haven't even explored every part of it, like the corpse there are Do you think there's humans on other planets like light years away? I don't think humans. I don't think people that are

exactly like us. But I feel like the other planets have their own version of a human that's so crazy and like those other humans and the other planets are like I wonder if there's other people like us, you know. I just want to know. Do you think the president knows or people in the office to know if there's a their life out there, like someone in NASA knows, you know, like somebody somebody in that organization definitely knows.

I bet you the president has, like some he has to have some kind of Intel's the first thing I want to ask if I was president. The first thing, No, I wouldn't care about anything else. First debriefing. All right, are the aliens Bob aliens? Yes? Or no? No? Take me to area, get Air Force one up here. Let's go. Maybe like sir, there is no aliens. What you're lying to me? Someone makes me? Yeah, No, that would be I think I do believe in abductions. That's an interesting one.

I don't know. I don't believe in that. No, no, I don't believe that people are getting but probed and all that. I don't know. Maybe that's how humans learned about an a sex who knows he's And you're about to say something, did you get but probed? Uh? Well, hey, you know, we all have wish lists and dreams and stuff like that. We can all we can all hope. I just watched and that there's that new Unsolved Mysteries on Netflix. Um and did they did? It's pretty good? Uh,

the old one got crazier. But they did a thing about aliens. And there was a case in the seventies where in like um, I think it was Ohio, and like an alien craft allegedly entered the atmosphere and like there was like four different people in this county that all saw the same thing, but they didn't know each other and they were like miles apart. So that got me thinking, and I was like, oh man, maybe that

maybe that's real. But then like we did you know, my wife and did some research and one of the other guys has had a lot of alien encounters, and sometimes I think like, okay, well maybe this guy exactly exactly like he he claimed he had been brought aboard and like experimented on and stuff like that. So yeah, I don't. I feel like if they're gonna abduct people, they'll probably just kill them when they're done, you know, Like, I don't think they're gonna like abduct people and put

them back. Like I know that's kind of harsh, but that's just if I'm being pragmatic. I think that's what would happen. Yeah, I feel like that's that objections are a little movie e scwed. But I do believe that there is life out there. I do believe. I believe in ghosts. I believe in supernatural. I believe in all that. Do you believe in ghosts? Defined I believe in spirits. Do you believe that something could be haunted by a spirit, because in a sense, that's a ghost, right, Yeah, I

say that counts. Yeah, as much as that scares me? No, what like you don't believe in it? Like scary movies like ghost movies like that stuff will scare me only goes to jumpy. But no, I'm want to haunt your asked if I die for you, then I will if you die before me, I will believe in guests. Oh you better believe it. When you go sip a water, I'm gonna smack it out of your you're go on a date, I'm gonna trip. You made me look like, pull out my chair from under me. I'm gonna really

off with you, all right, Patrick Swayze, Oh that'd be fun. Um, Okay, I know we got a little off topic, but that was a great one. And we don't even know what topic we were on with that. Just aliens, it's just you can go down a rabbit hole. Oh it's so good though. Um. But we have um, Sarah Landry who's coming on the show today and um, she's beautiful, she's very body positive, inspirational story. Yeah, very inspirational story. And yeah, so we're gonna have her on, but let's first take

a break. Sarah, Hi, how are you? I'm Janna. This is my husband Michael. Um. You guys so excited we have Sarah Landry joining us on Wine Down. Sarah. I've been stalking you on Instagram for quite some time. Really get out, really just love you awesome. I love a

good online crush. Like do you ever go down that where you like find somebody or like I need to I need to unpack everything and you just go so and all of a sudden, you're like, now it's gotten awkward because you get that to that point where you accidentally likes something from like three years ago. Yeah, been there. Yeah, Like I've been doing deep because it's like, you know, I've I've definitely um seen you on some of my other friends podcasts and I was like, oh, like what's

her situation. She's beautiful and I want to know more about you and UM and and then I kind of started to like deep dive and we'll first of all, congratulations because you're pregnant, Thank you, But why don't you fill in um our our listeners kind of your journey because you also have a podcast as well. But you

know you're just you're very body positive. UM. I appreciate you for that, and I also appreciate to something that I've learned from my stocking is you know you you're divorced, and how you almost didn't think that you were worthy of love UM after that, and I just I love just kind of the journey that you've been on to now this what seems like an Instagram perfect relationship, so I know that it probably is just so perfect, right, oh, always,

aren't They all are all relationships like permanent honeymoon. No, But like that's it's kind of funny because I actually do really love social media now. I have my moments with it, like any relationship. But I started twelve years

ago blogging in the pits of motherhood. I had two toddlers, I was living six hours away from my family, and I felt isolate did and blogs started to become this thing, and I really started to get feeling like I wasn't so alone, And it was just by connecting with other stories, by seeing other women do these things. But it was always about your houses and about your kids and all of these things around you. It wasn't really about us yet.

And then Instagram happened and I was now three times postpartum. I've been overweight since I was twelve, so all of a sudden, these selfies that everyone was doing was highly uncomfortable for me, and I didn't want people to see my body. I had done a very good job at like hiding myself behind my kids in almost every existence I could, so when Instagram came about and that started to be a thing, my answer to it was, well, I'll just lose weight and then I'll feel better about myself.

That's the story we're sold, and that's the story that seems to be perpetuated from my entire life. And I think I didn't realize that this is stuffing. A lot of people have experienced that we always just assume to be in a thin body is to be in a happy body, is to be in a happy relationship with yourself. But I didn't have access to proper nutritional guidance. I didn't have a gym membership or anybody kind of guiding me in a fitness journey. I had no money, I

had no access to a second vehicle. I was a stay at home mom of now three kids, and all I could do was download an app which told me to eat what basically a toddler should eat, and to exercise as much as I possibly could. So when I started to lose weight, Instagram loved me for it, and I was so celebrated for it. And I ended up losing a hundred pounds quite rapidly, and it was and

I was so so proud of that. But there was this dark cloud kind of around all of it, because, first of all, this picture perfect home that I was talking about in this family I was showing was actually crumbling. We were about to get divorced after eleven years. I was moved into my mom's house, my mom and dad's house. So living with your parents at thirty, with three kids, no job, no money, I didn't even have my own bank account. And guess what, I've now lost over a

hundred pounds. I'm underweight, I'm struggling with disordered eating, and I'm still anxious about my body. I still don't love my body. I still am in this place where I'm hiding behind my kids and pictures, where I'm not wanting to go out and exist in the world because of my body. And so it was kind of at the rock bottom of things. And while people are often like you hear rock bottom and it sounds like the worst thing ever, I kind of looked at it like there's

only one way up. This is a complete rebuild, and We're gonna have to do this entirely different than what I've done before. I'm gonna have to actually learn how to eat to nourish my body. I'm gonna learn how to love my body in a way that is in action and not in feeling. And I'm gonna have to start going through life in this really vulnerable way. And I started showing up as that online and everything kind of went from there. So, yeah, where are you at

now with UM? With you know now that you're pregnant or do you is it something? Where did you obsess about your weight? Or was it this? Was it the food? Or what what made you? Um? What did you do when you went down that path? It was weird because I probably should have gotten some proper help, but I'm a little bit of a d I wire this way, and that had been what I kept doing, And I, honestly, at the time, didn't really have the money. I was going through a divorce. All my money was going to

a divorce and to rebuilding my life. To think of paying for caring for myself on top of that wasn't something that I even explored. But through enough conversations I realized that even if I wasn't ever formally diagnosed with an eating disorder, I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew that the only reason I was ever exercising was because I was trying to burn off something I ate. I never had this attitude around food where I felt

safe with it. I always felt scared of it. I always felt anxious around it, like it was a good almost like you create moral values, and we do sometimes we talk about good foods and bad foods, and I really had created moral values around food. So if I ate something that was in the bad category, I felt morally wrong. Like I hadn't robbed any stores or like

hurt anybody, but it felt morally wrong. So I really had to start detaching myself from a lot of these narratives and kind of unlearnings that I'd kind of gone through, and I had to do things like really hard things, which were like releasing control by getting rid of all the skills in our house, which was one of the hardest things to do, because even while I was like in this like recovery zone, I was still weighing myself every day, and based on that number, I was treating

myself differently, and I was treating myself as if I was a good person or a bad person, or that I was having a good day or a bad day based on that, or whether I would reward my body or punish my body that day. So I really definitely had like this very rude awakening because I almost had to step into everything I was afraid of, which was actually eating food to nourish my body and to eat full again, like to eat till I was actually full, not going to be hungry anymore, which is something I've

gotten really used to doing. And um exercising in ways that I loved, not because I not because I hated my body, to actually start moving for reasons that were like for my mental health, to start blocking that little spot on the exercise bike that showed how many calories I burned and allowed it to be an actual experience with it. But that's not to say that it's easy.

I don't, And I think this is what's really hard is when you talk about body confidence and you talk about you know, recovery from a lot of these things. Everyone thinks you just wake up one day and suddenly you just love your body. And there has like there are moments where I'm like, all right, like I feel really good in this or this is a great day. I'm feeling really fine. But the majority of days you

don't love your body. You act in love. And I think that this is something that we've twisted with love in general. If you look at every relationship in our relational world. We don't we understand like even romantic relationships are. In marriages, you don't wake up with butterflies in your stomach every day, but you wake up respecting each other. You wake up doing these little things that are tangible

acts of love. But for ourselves, when we talk about self love, we still expect it to be this like butterflies, feeling like, oh, I just love what I look like. Therefore I feel so good and confident to do all

these things. And what happens is that whole narrative kind of pulled us back because then we're always waiting until we are blank, until like we are that after, until we're deserving of that job or pitching that book or starting that whatever it is we want to do, or going to the beach with our kids, whatever that might be. It really can kind of hold us back. So now I'm pregnant and I had to have to get away.

And it's been even when I talk about food for fuel and exercise because I love it, I got so sick around a week eight that I went from I was like on an exercise, like I hit some of my personal goals with fitness that week, and it just like I crashed. I got so so sick, I wasn't

able to exercise for six weeks. I couldn't eat anything except for like plain mashed potatoes, like not even like nicely mashed potatoes, instant mashed potatoes, like that's real, you know, like the Idaho and like, yeah, it was just I had a whole like Betty Cross, I was doing samples. I was trying to find my perfect mashed potato. But these are things that I was always like, these are my side dishes, and it's the only thing I can

survive on. So mentally, I was still recognizing how much I had to unpack a lot of these food fears and this fitness stuff, but somehow also recognizing that the reason I was allowing myself to be this way is because it no longer was about me. I was still doing it because I'm now like my body is now vessel carrying something out and I'm caring for something else. So therefore, now I'm allowed to give myself a break. Now I'm allowed to create boundaries. Now I'm allowed to

eat those damn mashed potatoes. So I mean I'm still in it. I think I think it will be a lifelong journey of learning how to love myself and not be so afraid of everything and just showing up exactly how I am, even in the ebbs and flows. So with that being said, Sarah, did you when you first found out you're pregnant. Obviously you know you're overwhelmed with excitement.

Did that part of you, with how hard you've worked over the last several years to kind of get to that comfort level with your body and lose that weight, did some of those anxieties kind of come back up? You're like, oh my gosh, I've been so hard to change my body. Now it's gonna be changing out of my control. Like where were those feelings at? Yeah? And because I mean the last time I had kids, like all my babies were born before I was twenty five,

so my postpartum started at a really young age. I'm thirty five. Now this is an entirely different game, and I've been actively trying to not focus so much on my body, and yet now it's the one thing that is so rapidly changing I can't even stop it. So I think I really thought that I was in a much better place. But I would be lying if I didn't say I wasn't really afraid. I wasn't really terrified

of some of these old feelings coming up. I think my biggest fear with it isn't necessarily how my body changes, is how my mind might start to betray me in the sense of feeling like I'm no longer worthy of showing up buying that outfit that I really want to wear, going out socially again, and going back to a place

of holding myself back. I recognize that like my body will ebb and flow, like that's just how life is, it always will be, and so really kind of giving myself that grace, but also trying to really push myself beyond just being a body And how can I within these changes that will inevitably happen, income how can I keep showing up? How can I keep being confident for things that have nothing to do with my body, and

just showing up in that over and over again. So I think that was like some of my most challenging thoughts in the beginning. Now, have you, with all the following that you have with you with your whole journey, have you noticed men also reaching out to you with about their their body issues or their you know, mental aspects around it. Yeah, and it's's funny because men are very quiet. They don't want to comment publicly because they feel like it's not their place, which is really sad.

I actually almost always get them in my d ms more than anything, and their their struggles are very different. But we've actually seen that it's on the rise more than ever. There's now boys are getting just as susceptible to eating disorders as girls with the rise of TikTok and these younger bodies being pushed to get really really jacked to the young age, which is like not exactly

healthy for them either. We're starting to see more boys and men coming into body dysmorphic thoughts and eating disorders, and eating disorders being on the spectrum of anywhere from binge eating over eating all the way to like fitness obsession, which is like orthorexia, which is your overdoing everything. So

I've I've definitely seen a rise in it. But it's unfortunate that men feel often excluded from the conversation or that it is a women's conversation, because I think that even looking and knowing the stats, we know that even if it's more of a women's issue, it's still everybody's issue. It's still something that I think a lot of people struggle with and it just may be manifests in different ways. But like my husband definitely has struggled with his body,

but he's a little bit more passive with it. It's a it's a bit of a quicker recovery for him, as opposed to someone like me who just suddenly wants to burn her entire wardrobe and I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder for the day. That kind of plays out a bit different. That's so true because even like during quarantine, and I'm kind of the same with you, Sarah, where if I step on the scale if it's a certain number, I'm like the happiest

person ever. I'm just like so nice and I'm like, oh my gosh, and I have like an extra glass

of wine that night or whatever. If I'm over what my normal number is, I will literally starve my body in a very unhealthy way where it's like I won't eat anything, i won't drink wine, i won't do this, I won't do that, and I'm gonna like run harder the next day, or it becomes such an unhealthy habit um which I'm trying to like change where I don't look at the actual number and I look at, okay, what muscles because I have been like working out more of Okay, what muscle am I? You know? Fat in

my burning and muscle am I gaining? But it's so tough. But like when Michael, you know, he looks in the mirror and he's like, oh, I got some love handles, and like I could never say that, I would. I would you know when I do? I I go down the darkest rabbit hole ever and starved myself, and he's he goes in the kitchen, He's like, I love handles and he eats another doughnut and I'm like, how do you do that? Like give me that? Like whatever that is,

I would want it. My husband loves to say, he's like, you know what I gain? And I lose about thirty pounds a year, But that's because I really love beer in the summer and then I just work it off in the winter. But it's like they just kind of have this like whatever attitude about it. And so I don't know with women what it is with us that causes us to feel a little bit more pressure with it. But I love what you said about fitness as well.

That's one of the reasons I started weight training because it was the first time I stepped into fitness where it was like, we actually don't want you to lose weight, watch you gain it, and it actually got your measurable success was no longer what your body looked like, it

was what can you lift? And to watch your body change and actually gain weight but you're getting stronger was such an empowering feeling and one of the first times that I felt truly free from a lot of the things that maybe negative thoughts that fitness had given to

me as well. But I think that men are are absolutely a part of this conversation, if not for themselves, then as allies to women, just to even understand why it is that we've maybe been walking backwards out of bedrooms, and why we have no touch zones on our bodies, and and how to unpack the fact that women really do feel ornamental, We feel like that's what our role is a lot of times, and and how can we kind of step away from that and recognize and my

my biggest exercise I try and do for myself is when I look at the people in my in my life. The people I love. When I name the top five things I love about them and you can think about you can start to easily pull with these things are when you think about your mother, your sister, your best friend, your husband, you're whatever it is, Rarely does their body land on the top of that list. It's not even in the top five. You wouldn't say I love my husband because you've got great ads in a nice ass.

You'd say, I love that he takes care of me on a bad day. I love the way he has I love like for my husband. I love that when we're in a room full of people and there's one person alone, he takes time for that one person. I love that he has a way of making me laugh when all I'm doing is crying, or brings um some sort of a steady calmness to my irrational thinkings. I wouldn't say, oh, I just love the way his ass looks and a pair of jeans. That's not why I

love him. But yet we ourselves think that our value in relationships is ornamental, that it is in the way that we look all the time, and a lot of times what happens is the way we look impacts the way we feel, which impacts the way we treat ourselves,

which impacts the way we show up in relationships. And so for me, what has been really interesting is actually watching our relationship, our marriage gets stronger because even while I was gaining weight recovering from disordered eating, because it actually met, we were having better sex because I was getting more intimate and allowing like having less no go zones and actually enjoying myself that I was actually not just like keeping a shirt on, going backwards out of

a room, trying to hide myself, but actually being present in a relationship. And so we actually experienced that. You know what, It's not about that, It's about bringing your best self two things all the time, but bringing you real self as well. No, I love that, and I you know, because your birds Papaya on Instagram and where'd you come up with that name? By the way, I'm

always one of that. So it's a bit funny because back in like twelve years ago, when everyone started blogs, they all had like a really cute name, and so I pulled it from my daughter's nicknames. I had just my two girls at the times, and their nicknames are Gemma, Birdie, and Maya Papaya. But I thought at some point I would like drop it, but it's been That's just what it's been forever. It's kind of stuck with it. Same

with the podcast. I I called it the Papaia Podcast, just as like a joke because I was like, I don't know what I'm naming. I'll figure it out later. Let's just call it the Papia Podcast for now. Then we'll like switch it up. And I'm like, yeah, where the It's been the Papia Podcast for a year and a half, so we're here and out what we're doing

branded it's you. I love it, and you know, I love the photos that you you post to um with you know, the body positive and showing your body and showing because there's so many times were you know, I know a lot of women who have looked at photos and there's even one just the other day that I took and I was like, I can't post that one, like I like, look at I sell you later. I look like I might, you know, someone be like are

you pregnant? Like it's like you're I'm so conscious of the comments or the hate that might come from it. And with you, it's like you're just so you embrace it and you you you just own it and you it's beautiful, like it's truly is. It's great to see you know, you just like embracing it in and do the comments ever, Like I hope that people aren't mean, But do people say crappy things? Of course they do, of course they do. But usually when I'm reposted on

a different page. It's not often on my own page. But to be honest, it kind of gives me my fire in my belly again. It reminds me why I do what I do, because the fact is many of us aren't existing in our world and in our lives and in our own opportunity at memories. How many moms aren't going to the beach with their kids or having those memories with their families because of how they look. Like that's a tragedy that needs to end. But what I recognized is that it's kind of like that's saying,

once you tell a secret, it loses its power. That's what happened with me. I don't love posting pictures of my cellulae. I have never fallen in love with my stretch marks. I respect them. That's frankly, all it is. It's a matter of respect. And so I've learned that when I share something, if I share it, it now

no longer has this power over me. If I'm now openly sharing that, you know what, I'm a human being with actually functioning body, that you know what, did its actual job to stretch and expand like it was supposed

to do. That's something that naturally occurring on my body, especially because I've lost weight, being a little bit more prominent, like sightlite exists on my skin, doesn't isn't isn't a negotiating fact whether or not I show up in the world, and so really recognizing and it really happened for me that the more I saw other women kind of showing up in their bodies, I felt better, but showing up in mind. So I don't do it to kind of like cope my own ego. I do it because I

understand that shame lives in these places. It lives in dark places, and if we can just see it in somebody else, if we know that other women are doing this. I didn't know that other women had stretch backs on their stomach like mine until like three years ago, So of course I was covering them in shame. Of course I felt bad about what I looked like, But now three years later, it's common for me. I don't even

feel anything weird about it. And not only that, but everyone in my relational world has now seen these photos. So what do I What am I doing? Like feeling like I need to cover up or feel shame about it? Being one? I feel free? Yeah? Yeah, God, I love you, Sarah. Yeah, and I love what you just said about Just because you have it doesn't mean you have to like it like you respect, respect. It doesn't mean you have to fall in love with with aspects of your body or

whatever that you may not like. So that's that's amazing. You're definitely empowering men and women all over the country. So thank you so much for what you do, sir. You're amazing. Sarah. I love you, and everyone should listen to the Pie podcast and follow her at Bird's Papaya The Bird's Papaya on Instagram. Oh yeah, um, you're the best. I love you, thanks for being you and I took a lot from this, so thank you, thank you, Thank you guys so so much. It was lovely. Have a

great one. She's awesome. Love what she said about shame. Love what you said about the respecting your body. I think that was a great message for everyone to hear. H Respecting it doesn't mean you have to like everything about it. Amen to that. All right, let's take a break and then let's read me email. All right, so let's take an email? Um from Alex? Can I can I read the email? Janna? Would that be okay? I would love if you read these last few weeks, I

haven't been able to be part of the podcast. I've just been sitting in my room alone, just reading emails out loud to nobody or sometimes my wife and probably having to edit me read them, stumble over the emails. Stop, honey, you're great. Don't you have a beautiful reading voice? Mike. I'm really excited to hear that audiobook. By the way,

Uh so here's this is from Alex. I'm having a hard time because my boyfriend and I were a long distance for two years, and when he got a job promotion in San Francisco, we decided for me to move in, which is seven hours away from home. We were very happy and as I was trying to get a job there during a pandemic while he was still going into work every day. I was lonely and board and I kept great care of the apartment and finally made friends

and I got a job. We're having some small, silly fights at the very end, but nothing I didn't think we couldn't handle. All of a sudden, he told me I should move out and go back to my parents house. He said to take all the time I need, but I was so furious. I packed all my stuff and left within the hour. He called me a week later, explaining how miserable he is without me, and after he drove to me, we talked and I decided to give him another chance. However, I'm doubting that this is the

best choice for me. I love him so much and I want to be with him, but I don't know how to trust him again. I worry that he doesn't respect me because he kicked me out after I moved all that way, and he claimed that he needed to put all of his energy into work. He swears and promises there was no other women involved in any of this, and I believe that, but I worry we will find our way back to each other and then he'll randomly

leave me again. Is there anything to be done. I think your fear is valid like her fear is, it's not validated. It's um how do I say that? Where it's I get her fear that it would happen again? Yeah, yeah, just I feel like your fear, Yeah, your fear, Your fear is definitely justified. I get that. Um, I would say, because you know in situations where like how hot I know they're not gonna do it again, or you know I've moved all my way and I've done all this.

It's like, sometimes people mess up, and sometimes people need a second chance, and sometimes it's hard to give that second chance because you're always going to wonder, like when will it happen again? Well, here's the deal. You can even you can either live that way and say when will it happen again? Or you can live with what would have happened if I stayed? Would have gotten better?

Would we have worked out? So? In my mind and kind of how I've always thought, especially just you know from my own situation with us is babe, it's like I'd rather what could I live with? I could rather to myself say what would have been like if I stayed? And then if something happens and it's like, well, then I can check that one off and then I can you know, be fine and leave. Yeah, you have more

peace of mind knowing that you gave it. If you still have that feeling in there of giving it another chance, then if it happens again, then you're like, this sucks, but you know definitely understand that. Me. Um, how I would approach it is you'll need to talk about boundaries because you know, don't sit there and try to pry at what the reasoning was or whatever, because I just don't think it's worth trying to pry that out of him if he if he doesn't want to talk about it.

But if you set boundaries because you you decided to take him back or give him a no chance, So you've done that, that's done and over with. Now set boundaries, be like Okay, I'll move back up there, but you know you can't do what you did before. You can't just kick me out. Um, if you're having feelings of just having to focus on work or issues with me

being there, let's talk about it. Like there needs to be like a hierarchy of events that need to happen before y'all physically separate out of whatever your living situation is. So you can't he just he can't have that right or power just to come home and be like, move out, go back to your parents seven hours away. Yeah, you know what I mean. So y'all just need to have that conversation and be like this, that isn't an option. We have to talk about and there have to be

steps that get us to that point. Yeah, for sure, if you're serious about this, for sure, you just set real clear boundaries. I think when you say like that's on option, it's like that almost like might scare the person, like you have to be with me forever? No, no, no, no, no, yeah, yeah, I get what you're saying. Let me rephrase that. It's I know what you're saying, but I just want to make sure it's clear. Yeah, it's it's not an option. To handle it in that manner. There's got to be

I mean, how old are they? It sounds young, So you gotta have a conversation. You create some boundaries. You're young adults, talk about it. No one should be able to be able to just come home and say move out. Okay, okay, all right, well trendering outside right now. So um, I think I think it's time to just snuggle up. Yes, music in my ears. Um, alright, guys, you're the best. Everyone have a safe, healthy and happy week. So yeah,