The Suite Life with Nicky Hilton

You go. Jason is doing better though. He's doing so good, so good. He's not screaming at night any more, which is amazing. He's not throwing his love and Wabbi and he's back to doing that really cute thing like every time I put him in his crib, he'll stand up and then give me a kiss and then he'll lay back down and like he like watched you walk out of the room. Yeah, but he doesn't like throw the

love and Wabbi at you, and his naps aren't great. Um. But a Llana who's the good night sleep coach that um we talked about two episodes ago. Yeah, she's um. I've been texting her and she's been you know, just like keep on it. Like sometimes naps can be the one like a little bit harder, but I mean he's been given us at least forty five minutes to an hour, So I'll take it. I'll take anything. The only like she even said to She's like, don't worry about the

the amount of time he slept. It's about just the quiet time of him in his crib, which I was like, okay, I'm not stressed. She's as long as he's not like screaming the entire time, and he's just is he just chilling there? And I'm like, yeah, he's just he's not crying. So that's been as long as he's not crying. It's the crying that gets me. Oh yeah, that wears us down. That's what yesterday when you're going and I was here during his nap and it was like he woke up

after forty five minutes, but he was just chilling. It wasn't until the last wasn't ntil the last ten that you started crying. And so I was like, all right, that's good. Yeah he's chilling. No, that's really good. And then a lot of people on our Instagram say our Instagram's on my Instagram, I should just like rebrand it Creamer and Mike girl, Like, how do I say Cramer and Mike. I don't know, Cramer Girl, Cramer Boy, Cramer kids.

But I had not like backlash on the I s R. But like, because I posted the video of Jace the swimming not being able to he has I posted the one video of him um where they were holding him up, and then I posted the one of him jumping off the diving boar or h then sorry correction, being thrown off the diving board. And you know, he's not there yet, but he will be, like I think by the end of this week, he'll he'll have it. Takes you a

little bit longer for that age. But it was so hard and you weren't You weren't able to go because he had a meeting. But I went to I saw jolly dooit and she did great, she did amazing. You know, all of a sudden, she's finally not relying on her floaties and she's proud of it, and she's so proud of it, which is like makes me so happy, but but also a little like a crap. Now we have to really watch her in the pool. Really watch her.

She's a little over confident. Overconfident for sure. So now it's like, dang, now we can't go back to the floaties, which was like our babysitter in a way. Um well know we were always outside of correct, not twisted, um no. But so you know, Jollie did it, and so then I went to go get Jason. I'm like, is he done? And they're like, oh no, he's going off the diving

board and I was like, um what huh? And so I had my friend Linda there with me and I was like, I can't watch it, so I'm going to turn away, but I want you to record it because I'm gonna watched it. She recorded it, but then when I heard the splash, I turned around. Then I was like, roll over, roll over, Chase, And you know, he didn't get it, and obviously they like corrected him and helped him. But you know a lot of people are like, how

could you throw your kid in the water? And that seems a little rough, and for some people it is. And that's why I like our swim or the I s R. Teacher that's teaching this class is he's like, I might not be your guy, if you want someone to be like your kids aren't here to just play splichy splashy, especially as what he said, He's like, if you're here to play sp if you want me to play splichy splashy with your kids, Like I ain't you guy. He's like, you can't leave right now. Yeah. He's like,

I'm not gonna cattle. I'm not gonna hold him, like I'm gonna be like, you're fine. And he's like, I'm going to teach him how to survive. Yeah, And he's like what was he saying the other stuff? He was like like he said the floaties were the worst thing you could ever do to your kids, Which I'm like, okay, cool, pat on my back, bad mom. But I think it's one of those things where I started to really do research.

And you know, we've known people that have not known people, but I've seen stories and especially the you know, the sweet so many kids and they say say they say over childhood deaths are in the back or drownings are in your swimming pool, and as a pool owner and as a mom, like that's terrifying. So I was like, crap, we have to and like my biggest fear is even though we have a a cover that they could stand on and be fine, it's still scary. It is, it really is. And I think we've been We've done a

great job. I mean, being hyper vigilant in keeping it closed at all times, you know, if it's not we're out there and just never really taking our eyes off of them and taking that for granted. Because I can see why, right, people think they're comfortable with their own home. Yeah, like, oh, I'm just gonna go in and do this real quick, I'll be right back or whatever. And it's thirty seconds.

It takes thirty seconds. Yeah, so I get it. But so I would just it might be a little rough, but I will just say to the mom is out there, you know, to do the training. And I would say, I wish I would have done it earlier with Jay's like I wish I did it when he was a baby. Yeah, but you know Andy too because she's four, Like yeah, but you know, it's one of those things like even though the teacher said, like the puddle jumpers, the floaty

things are like the worst you can do. It's you do things in your time that's that's convenient for you. That's that you you know, that works with your schedule, that works with your beliefs, that works with what you want to do. So yeah, but the second we got a pool, that's why I was like, we have to get this kid. Yeah, was like walking and able to open the door. I was like, and we're going to lessons to survive, especially once he started being a little

velociraptor and opening the doors. Yeah, now that he can open the doors, I'm like, Okay, yes, the gate is technically closed, but like what if And I'm like, I just don't want to play any of those things. So I'm sorry if people had a hard time looking at it, because trust me, it wasn't easy for this MoMA either. But but it's in his survival skills. Yeah. Um, you know,

we just got off a call for our book. Yeah, you know, talking about out like our virtual book tour and how the pre sales are going and all of that, and we're very taken back by the response that a lot of our followers, um, you know, have come through and pre ordered the book. So if you haven't yet,

you won't be left down. It's gonna be amazing. We're working on some exclusive content like a private Facebook group if you pre order, where we'll jump on their um, you know what, every day or at least once a week or something like that. We're gonna work out the schedule and be posting that stuff. But there's definitely gonna be a lot of incentive out there for preordering. So maybe even a song, I guess, yeah, go to uh yeah,

maybe even a song. Who knows um and Mike dot com, Jan and Mike dot com, go get your book and let's say a quick break. And so we have an awesome guest joining the show today, Nikki Hilton. Did you ever watch, by the way, the Paris Hilton Show with Sofia m Yeah, man, that was like high school. I feel like that was the o G of reality shows. It was one had to be one of them for sure. I love I mean, I know Nikki wasn't on the show, but I always loved how Nikki just always seemed very

not that Paris wasn't, but Nikki always just seemed very classy. Well, Paris has just had her own stretch of bad publicity, so did she Yeah, just you know, being I guess I don't really remember intoxicated or you know, sex tape leaking out and stuff like that. So, I mean, but look at the Kardashians Award for her Kim Kardashian was actually Paris Hilton's assistant. I remember that wardrobe sold her wardrobe Now, I mean no, But Nikki has a new shoe line out, so we're excited to talk to her.

And she's married with two kids, and so we'll dive into deep what she's going on during her quarantine family life. Yeah, so we'll see. How's everything with you? Great? I mean, I'm excited about what we're doing. I'm you have a movie coming up? Why, I don't want to say anything yet. Potential movie coming up, potential that if it goes through, Jane's trying to get me to play a part in it, which should be fantastic. It would be so fun. But

you're you're too cute. You're too cute for like I just don't think you could get their role because you're just too good looking. But I look like your co stars friend. And the only thing is, I don't know if it's actually going to happen because with everything COVID, I feel like I have massive PTSD from The Canada Adventure where it's like you book a movie just kidding one scene and we're taking everything you need, don't get paid goodbye. It's like, but no, I mean, I hope.

So I'm trying to stay positive. It's just been it's a little hard to stay positive when I feel like certain things are kind of being taken from you. Yeah, that's tough. I mean I might have said this on here before, at least with a group of our friends, where I was like, has some high expectations, like people are going to have their their expectations through the roof because of the way this year has gone so well. It's interesting. My therapist she sent me this quote. For

so long, you've tried to see the positive. You have tried to keep a good balance between being a realist and an optimist. You knew the future was lined with unknowns, but you also had this hope maybe this was finally going to be your year. I mean, how many times have we looked in the new year? By the way, this is unquote if like when you start a new year, you're like, this is okay, this is gonna be my year because last year this happened, and this happened, so

now this is going to be my year. Have you ever had that? Do you guys not think that way? Because I know girls do, Like you know me, I've cried for the first five years of my New Year's because I'm like, it's not what I thought it would be. I mean, I don't know if it's a guy thing. I know, for me, I don't. I don't put that much weight into New Year's like I know a lot of people do, but I should never have. I've never

been like this is the start of my year. I think it's you know, in my professional career, it's been like the end of my year, and so my timeline was always a little different because i was like working sometimes, I was working sometimes. The last week of this season wasn't until after New Year's. So it's like I'm in the middle of working towards the tail end of working.

My year is just ending, like I'm getting ready to like shut it down for a little bit, you know, as opposed to like new you knew me, like I'm starting over. It's like, no, I'm gonna lay on the couch for like three weeks, you know, and the rest of my body. So I've just I don't know, maybe that's part of it. Where you know, those middle five years or five six years that I was in that world really kind of changed my mindset on it. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Um, by the way, that was from

Morgan Harper Nichols. And she basically goes on to finish it by saying, um, you know, uh, the year of things that you know, your year the year things finally fell in place theory, you finally stepped out of your comfort zone to embrace new unknowns. You had a passionate vision, you had a plan for how things could go. So she goes on to all these things, and then she goes here's the thing. These are questions you might have to sit with for a little while. And this is

also true. It's worth it to keep trying to make the most of where you are, trusting that right here this July, you can still know a meaningful life even though it's not what you thought it was going to look like. You can keep seeking goodness and everyday life. Even if it's hard to think positively about the future. You can still try to make the most of where you are with music, conversations, writing, nature, and knowing the future will arrive when it is meant to arrive. And

for now you have this moment. It's not what you thought it would be. But perhaps the end of July can be its own kind of beautiful. Perhaps you can only be here right now and that's okay. I love that. I absolutely love that, because that's what I'll saying in my head is why wait until January for it to be like a fresh start on something? Why wait till the new year to start something you've always wanted to do,

you know? And I bring that up because I feel like we're halfway to the new year and I feel like people might be I mean, shoot, I had that mindset like, well, maybe we should wait to put our book out because you know, we're gonna miss doing the book tour, we're gonna miss doing this. Like but it's like, why pause things because it might not look the way

it's supposed to. And my friend Mallory Irwin, who's so sweet, she was like, are you gonna be able to go on a book dor And I'm like no, and she's like, man, She's like, I know you were so excited about that.

She's like, but maybe there's going to be some beautiful thing within the the stuff that you know you're able to do at home, and I was just like, I love you things for the optimism, you know, and that helps too, But I think that's I don't know, it's just something to maybe like introspectively look inside of you and go, Okay, what am I pausing on in my life right now? And how can I how can I

unpause this? Like but this uncertainty because like even like with the movie or with maybe what with what you want to do? Mike, it's like you're afraid to almost be positive because you're like it will it be taken away? Yeah? But to not stop either way, I guess it's the point. No. I love that, and I appreciate you sharing that, and I think everyone we'll appreciate you sharing that because it is it is eye opening just to make the most

of the day. And like you said, why wait, like why put something off when you can do it now? And yeah, I love it? So what are you putting off that you would want to start now? Um? Two things that have actually been on my mind a lot recently. One is I mean I feel like everybody in there, cousin is there, really wants to get their real estate license these days. But you know, you and I have talked about a little bit. Nick car Rioder has talked about a talk to us about me doing it a

little bit. Yes, he hasn't mentioned it. Yeah, I thought he'd be upset about it. I was like, I don't want to mend it to Catherine. No, he's mentioned it because he's like to have kind of like a partner in things. Um. But I think for us, with what we want to do in the future, with you know, our money and like finances, investments, it would just make sense to have it, you know. Um. Yeah, So that's one thing that I'm like, why wait, you know, this

is the perfect time where we're not traveling. We don't have these shortened weeks because if we have to go somewhere or do this or do that. It's like I can, yeah, we don't have as much help with the kids, but I can set aside time where it's an hour or two during that time of day or whatever. Oh do you think you could instead of taking my two hour lunches? I don't know. But that's but I don't ask. I don't say that from a um from a snarky place.

I say that from a place like that's what you need for sure it is the longest time I was like, God, couldn't he be doing something else right now? But then I'm like, just because I choose to spend my two hour break doing certain things that might seem more in someone else's mind like proactive, but that's how that's what fuels me, Like, that's what feeds me. And that's where I've kind of stopped to be like, no, like, that's your that's what you need for you to be centered, Yeah,

to have something to strive forward. So I don't I'm afraid to take that like you shouldn't. I hope you don't take that away. No, not at all. Um. So that and then I just keep dragging my feet on learning French, come a flute into French. So yeah, So I think those are my two things just for this next six months to really take and uh, make the most of. I want to talk about a little bit more about that and how I can because I think it's important to help you, your your partner, what you

can do to help. But let's pause on that because we have Nikki Hilton in the waiting room, so let's get her on. Hello, Hey, Hi, how are you. I'm Janna And this is my husband, Mike. I'm good. How are you great? We're good. We're just like surviving over here. How are you doing with the quarantine stuff? I'm in

l A now. So I was in Long Island from let's see, March twelve to July one, so like lockdown and quarantine, and then I finally mustered up the strength to come to my family in l A. Which has been really how has it been with the kids during this time? Because your kids are how old? How old are they? Again? I have two and a half and almost four. How many do you guys have? So we have a four year old and we of an twenty

month old. Okay, so very very similar. Yeah, so you guys were doing the homeschooling and all that, well, we tried to do the homeschooling for Jolie. We got to letter G and then I was like, I'm not meant to be a teacher. I don't have the patients. And I'm like, let's just go outside and do chalk or something because I can't do this. And you know, he was getting just as equally as frustrated as as I was, and so we kind of we pulled the plug on it.

But because she dropped out of her fourth grade preschool class. Yeah, yeah, so we try we have Obviously, I think a lot of people are going to have a greater appreciation for teachers right through all of this. So yeah, once we got halfway through the alphabet, like, yeah, we weren't meant to be teachers, So let's just go play because that's

our job. What did you do? What I ended up doing well boom School, which was brutal because it's all of the children and they're muted, and they're crying, and it's not there turn and they all want to do a twenty minute show and tell of their favorite whatever, and that was exhausting. So I ended up doing a mini camp on my lawn, which was amazing. Um, there was a few kids in the neighborhood that had all

been quarantined and not left their house. So we got two teenagers from the neighborhood and did this little mini camp with like five or six children. We did arts and crabs, we did sports, and it was so much fun. That recommend Yeah, that's exactly what we're doing this fall for her. So we decided that we're going to potentially bring her back to two days and the other three, we're going to do that same thing where it's like, Okay,

you're gonna do crafts over at Pamlin's house. You're gonna come here and we're gonna do you know, musical theater and then like and then we'll learn over here. So it's like we're gonna we're going to rotate too, because you know, it's just like they're at this at that age, it's like, let them have fun but also have experience too. So yes, and I would say that Disney plus Apps saved my life when they released Frozen too early. It was a very exciting day in our household patrols. We're

on the cocoa melon. Are our old loves cocoa melon on YouTube? So it's like, yes, YouTube YouTube another godsend. No question, how is how do the kids feel? Did you the whole family go back to l A right now? Yes, we're all here. How do they feel? Being very nice because we're staying with my parents, um, and they have their own little room here and it's just nice for them to be with people other than my husband and I. By the way, speaking of since this is a relationship show,

have have you guys? I mean do you normally spend a lot of time together or was the quarantine just like the first time you guys have spent so much time together. We both traveled quite a bit, um, but no, we spend a lot of time together. But this was a lot a lot of time. And I think most people can say that that was one of the silver linings because at what other point in your life are you going to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner with your family for a hundred plus consecutive days. And I think

quarantine was actually great for our relationship. I keep reading all these statistics about divorce rates going through the roof, um, but I am very grateful. We didn't really butt heads. The largest fight we would have is what we're cooking for dinner that night. It was real, which by the way, is very exhausting. That's why I just kind of took it over. That's why he's the oh Mike, I am, Yes, my my husband too. Yeah. He I couldn't cook anything. I it's frozen pizzas or home chef. But you know

this guy is he's he cooks everything. And then I just I clean. So I love to clean. That's that's what I like to do. What's funny is I think you know, with love languages, Jana isn't really an active service. But I think she realized that she's more of that because I hadn't seen her looked at me with so so much love when I told her what was for dinner without even asking, I was like, hey, I didn't

say what do you want for dinner? I said this is what's for dinner today, this is what's for dinner tomorrow. She looked at me like I was her prince charming, like I don't have to decide or say anything. Yes, let's do it. Yes. Where do you guys live? We live in Nashville now. We used to live in l A. We just moved back to Nashville last year because with the kids to school. Yeah, really really good hiding on our behalf, but you know, it was just we we love Nashville, so it was it's nice to be back

here for sure for the kids. Nikki. For you, has work at all been inhibited because of all this quarantine or have you been able to be creative and kind of come up with new things during this time? Um? I mean it's definitely challenging to even be able to do work. To even be able to do this right now without my kids rushing in and screaming, is you know, quite a miracle. Um. But have I been creative? Yes? Yes.

I think what I've learned from my friends also is that so many people are trying to be creative in the sense of pivoting what they're going to do? What's the next step? Um? Because so many jobs occupations are just not possible right now, so everyone's tempting to pivot.

Is that when you started the shoe, how long even been working on your shoe line for I've been doing the shoes for like two years now, and amazingly, the shoes sales have been doing pretty well all things considered, because I think they are the ideal working from home shoe. I don't know if you've seen the collection, but it's lots of like cheek loafers, ballet flats. It's home. None of us are wearing heels anytime soon. Is that what inspired this specific line was because just everyone's at home

so much right now. I think, just becoming a mother, I live in ballet flats. I just think they're comfy, chic, and you know, a better alternative than a sneaker and so I've just warned them forever. But I've really embraced them these past few months because I'm not one of those girls who wants to walk round and slippers. I don't know, putting on a proper shoe makes them to feel a little human during this no one where can um where can people actually shot for the shoes too? Um?

There are my website Nicki, Hilton dot com or Zappos and it's yeah, it is your second collection with French Soul. Um But yes, it does say the first ever venture into the footwear business. But that's not true, then is it? Because it's your second collection. I've been doing design since some seventeen. I started doing handbags and then got into clothing, jewels, um so, but I've never done footwear, so the French Soul collab was my first. I'm really enjoying that. That's awesome.

Have you had a hard time though? I know Mike and I were talking about this, and we knew that we were going to interview you, and you know, Mike brought up a good question, do you want to ask a bid? Oh? Yeah, I was. We were just wondering, you know, with some one with a family like yours, right do you did you find it beneficial but also difficult in order to break away from from that name in order to build your own brand or is it still beneficial at the same time, like kind of where

was that relationship? I mean, I would say it's a double ledged sword. Your name can certainly open doors, but ultimately the product speaks for itself. And especially in this day and age, a store, um, a retailer is not going to stop your product if it's not moving. So that name can only take you so far. This is, you know, a business and if you're not moving, sure you're not going to be carried. What do you want

to be like go into next after this? Is there something that like you're like, like why am I not doing this project? Because we're kind of talking about earlier before you came on, things that were pausing in our life that we have that we're kind of dragging our feet on. I would love to get into children's wear. Yeah,

I love. I know that sounds a bit cliche. It's not because there's not many places and it's frustrating because whenever I look, I don't have a really hard time finding like I'll find one piece of clothing there, one piece of clothing there, But it's nothing where I'm like, I can buy from one real site unless I just

go to Carter's. But you know, I not that anything's wrong with Carter's, but I just would like, you know, to find it different with other cool things, so that that my kid isn't wearing the same thing as Like, yes, Like I dropped Jolly off one day and I'm like, it was a Target. I think it was a Target shirt and three other girls were wearing her same shirt, and I was like, which is really cute. It's so cute.

But yeah, I'm like, please, please, please, please do that because I would love to be able to have somewhere else to shop where I can shop for for all different kinds of clothes for my kids. Yeah. I did a Mommy and Me collab a few years ago with this brand with dresses and tops matching with the mommy. That's really the only thing I've done in children. But I don't know, I just I think people love dressing up their children, and if you do it um at

a good price point, at good quality. I don't know, I think there's room for for more brands. Speaking on that, have you enjoyed dressing your daughter or your son more? Oh I'm so I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Your girl know her name is Theodora, but we call her Teddy, so that's a fair mistake. Um. I love dressing them up. They love dressing up, and they know I like when they wear pretty dresses. So they will just run in my room all dressed up every morning, all excited to

show off what they're wearing. Joli had a face where she only wore dresses with scream if she scream if she had to wear anything other than dresses. Yeah, really hid her dresses. I know we had two at one point, but now we just embrace it. Are you a Frozen family? Oh? One present like she sings, let it go all the freaking time like it's and then Frozen two. I mean it's it was game over with that one, and that

soundtracked is so good. So yeah, it's awesome. But all right, everyone go to Nikki Hilton dot com get her awesome shoes with her collab from French Soul. Nikki Hilton, thank you so much for coming on. We really appreciate it. Thank you, guys. Okay, so, oh, she's so sweet. I feel like she's just like a very chill, cool girl. And now that our kids are the same age, like we're basically best best friends, just like me and Melissa Gorga your best friends with everybody. Well, I wasn't the

other day. We won't bring that story up. But sometimes I can be a little sarcastic and I think I've to someone, but I can own up and apologize even though anyways, anyways, anyways, um do do we should we say what happened by the way, or no, we don't have to know. You don't want to No, not that what happened right before we started recording? Or now sure you want to Yeah I don't remember you know what happened like thirty minutes ago? Oh yeah, oh yeah, okay,

go ahead, so we don't have to know, let's do it. No, no, no no, because I don't wan people think I'm like dragging, like no, this was so long ago, this was like a little different, but not really bring it up. Well, right before we started recording, I was like, I got this text message from and I'm not going to say her name obviously, from anonymous. From anonymous she texted me and I was like, what I was like trying to like, I'm like, who is this person? Like what like the name?

I was like oh, and Mike's like what And I was like, that's the first girl that you cheated on me with when we were dating. Because she was a fan of mine and Instagram fan, and she had reached out to me on Instagram and we in a way

became friends. It was kind of weird, like we had this friendship in a way, UM, and she had been in a few relationships and so she texted me and I haven't really read it yet, but she basically it's been a long time since we talked, but she just wanted to say thank you and tell you how strong and inspiring both you and Mike have been. I came across your podcast recently and I've been listening to it to help me through my marriage and sharing it with

my husband. Still carrying on six years of certain things. So I'm not going to share those details, but like she had confided in me about out some things that we're going on, UM, and you know, some things have clicked in their relationship, and you know, She's like, I thought it was ironic to come across your book coming out, So maybe you know even more that it can help us.

She was, I'm so happy for you and Mike. Um as happy as you are and have overcome all the struggle, it really still gives me hope that we can do it too, So thank you for being so real and putting it out there. It helps more than you know. And I obviously just got it. And I haven't texted her back, but I mean I haven't talked to her and probably a couple of years. I think we kind

of stopped talking because of you know, the obvious. But it's weird how it's kind of that silver lining where even though like our lives, like maybe that had to happen. I'm not saying we like because certain things like maybe meeting me and you and like us and like than having it weave through her relation and ship Like yes, it was so traumatic when I found out when we were dating, but able we're able to now be like wow, like we've helped someone. I've been able to help someone.

You've been able to help someone, You've been able to help her husband, You've been able you know. Where It's like that's just such a small such a small world, but but also such a beauty in it too. Beauty through pain. Yeah, no it is. And I mean I commend you for even being able to look at it that way. Well, there's certain people I wouldn't be able

to know. I understand that. I think this. Yeah, this is a little different to it in a sense, but still the fact that you're able to take something that was the start of pain between in our relationship and be able to look at it through the lens of well, maybe that was supposed to happen to for you know, for all of this, the positive, the positive things that have come out of some of this to happen. Obviously we wish we could go back and I should redo it,

of course. Um, but no, that's that's encouraging though. Yeah, that's encouraging. And that's the thing I mean, I think in that situation too, it's just knowing that. And I will say this too, because a lot of people, I know something, when we talked about our four you talked about it. I didn't even bring it up. I just

think that right now. But when you were doing like Monday and you brought up our four year discovery day, you know, that got picked up or whatever, and a lot of people are like, why would you celebrate that? And I did say something to someone. I was like, it's we're not celebrating um this anniversary. What we're doing is we're recognizing it, we're acknowledging it, and we're also you know, and and we're also saying like wow, like look how far we've come from even just last year

and then the year before that. And then like it's not about because the thing is you're not going to forget the date. You're not going to forget certain you know, do you forget your wedding date? No, like you remember certain dates that impact your life, whether good or bad. And I think you know someone else is like, oh my god, would you stop talking about it already? Well, here's the deal. This is our you know, we're dragging Mike through the mud. And I'm like, A he brought

it up. I was not going to say anything. But when you shared about it, I was like, okay, Like that's amazing that he shared that, because you know I was, I wasn't going to and then when you shared it as when I put that post, and it's not about dragging anybody through the mud. What it is and just like with that text message, it's about acknowledging growth and acknowledging like how we can help other people like this is our podcast as we talk about things that we've

learned and how we're still learning. We talk about things that are uncomfortable because of what we've been through. So exactly to your point, it's it was brought up to acknowledge the growth, and that's what we want to inspire other couples that have been through difficult situations, whether the same as we have or similar. Is how you can

find that silver lining. Just kind of what you're talking about with the text messages how to look for positivity so that date or that moment or that physical place or trigger doesn't have to affect you with the same amount of magnitude that it did from the first day

two years later, you know. So it's anyone who clearly people saying that either even if they've been through that something like that, they still have a lot of pain and shame around it, or they haven't been through it, because anyone who has could understand and appreciate how much they would like to probably get to the point where

they can just acknowledge it and connect over it. And again we would not bring it up all the time, but we are on the platform that we do bring it up because it's part of part of our it's part of our story. Yeah, it is part of what we do. It's part of how to help. It's just like, do you want to get a tattoo from someone who doesn't have any tattoos? Probably not? Do you want to take read a relationship book on a relationship with by

someone who hasn't been through? Probably not. So we've been through. I'm dragging you through the mud? Am I dragging you through the mud? I brought it up. People are silly well anyways, so yes, um back to the French into the how can I help you in getting to your goal? Um? Great question? Thank you? But I asked that because I think that's something where we have to act like we're whoever's listening. That's what you should ask your partner too, mhm,

because they can't do it. I don't think they can do it alone. No. Two things that come up for me. The first one is just with my personality and I think maybe a guy in general puberty. Sorry, um that it has to be like my idea, right, like if you started asking me, hey, so when are you gonna study it there, Hey, when you're gonna do this today, Hey, do you need me to watch the kids so you

can study? I'll be like, um, that would make me not want to do it's because I feel like you're being my mom, or I would make up that you're being passive and that you were wanting me to do it, and that if I didn't do it then then it would be an issue or it would be validating like that you don't get things done or whatever whatever. So that's the first thing. And second is when I do

do it. When I do tell you ahead of time, say hey, from this time to this time, whether it's naptime or not, I'll try to do it during that time. But to say it's not for whatever reason, and I tell you ahead of time and say hey, from eight and nine I'm gonna study or whatever. Like I said, I'll probably do it during that time. But to treat it as work, where it's like, all right, I said for for this hour, I'm gonna study you. I'm going to respect what you need around it, right, So it's

not like hey, can you come help me? Knowing that it's not quote unquote work, but I'm working towards something where it's not like, hey, can you come out here for a minute and help me? The kids have been crazy? Like yes, if it's everyone's going nuts and I need

to come help, that I need to come help. But to treat it as such, to treat it as if I'm unavailable, because you know, if you just like you coming in the room, if you have to post something or whatever, if I let the kids keep coming in and out, you'd be like I asked for an hour or five minutes or whatever to do something and doesn't feel like your time is being respected. Makes sense? I like it. Do you have any emails? I had a really good one from wine Down, but don podcast you

can get one thou take me a second? All right, here's one from Jessica. My question comes based on my experience with my longtime boyfriend. He has a pass up cheating on me with multiple people, even including a so called friend. We have worked through our issues mostly and much like Mike, he owns his mistakes and allows me to feel any and everything I feel. Recently, I heard you can't truly forgive until you've forgiven the other person

the female. At first, I thought no way, but recently, I've been dreaming of a conversation with her in which she's apologizing and I'm accepting. Having that conversation in my sleep makes me feel like makes me feel like there's closure. It makes me wonder if I should reach out to her. Would you or have you ever done this? Do you think it would help or hurt any progress me and my boyfriend made have made in the last three years? Interesting?

What are your thoughts? So when I read this email, it made me think of anyone who's familiar with twelve steps, made me think of step nine, which, for those of you don't know, I'll read Step nine and any twelve step program is make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Let me preface that by saying Step eight is make a list of all persons you have harmed and become

willing to make amends. So step nine is making amends to the people that you've harmed unless to do so would injure them or others. Now obviously not physically injure them, but emotionally harm her or injure them. My thought on that is again kind of like I was saying with this the step work there is you'd have to be really careful on if communicating with that person is going

to actually help your relationship or not. Because if Jessica, if she wants to reach out to the person that he cheated on her with, I mean, he's she said, multiple people, but the so called friend is the one that seems like it's really bothering her. And say that the so called friend doesn't apologize or isn't open to it, that's just gonna make things worse. So you're going in with these expectations that may not be met and then

which will just set you up for failure. And then you don't know how that's gonna Even talk to this person in general might even bring up feelings, you know, triggered or old feelings that may put a wall between you and your boyfriend. So I don't know, it's just it's it's the nice I would say no, because the connection of moving forward is between you and your boyfriend, not anyone else. What are your thoughts? Don't do it? Yep,

it's it makes it worse. I mean, I wish I could take back all the calls because it just makes it so much worse, and it drives a bigger wedge between you and your partner because there's things that you just you'll ask that you don't want to know, and it just is. It's like my therapys says, is it hurt or harm? It's going to harm you, and if something's going to harm you, you you don't do it. So yeah, Mike and Janna. I'm thirty three years old, married for

fifteen years to my high school sweetheart. We have been blessed with two boys. I found out my husband hasn't watching porn for a long time. We went through this when we first got married and I thought it went away. Every question I asked that him watching, he just replies, I don't know. Then he once told me that it was my fault because I am moody towards him. I

don't know if he's a sex addict or not. I've been trying different things in the bedroom or to please him, but I don't know if that is enough or what I should do. He's refusing counseling or any treatment. I've lost all my trust and I don't know how to gain it back and be happy again. Good question. There's

a lot of meat on that bone. Um, here's the thing. Now, she said they had a conversation around porn early in their marriage, correct, So I mean we don't know what that conversation entailed, right, Like, we don't know if she said as a boundary or I don't like it, or i'd appreciate if you don't, or it's disrespectful towards me or considered cheating, whatever it may be, or if she said, well,

don't do it all the time. So because I mean, shoot, for a lot of people, masturbation is still normal, you know what I mean, It's still a normal thing that people do that some a lot of people are able to do without it taking away from their relationship. Now addict or not. Just the way I am now, I do believe that even if you're not an addict, it's can drive a wedge with your connectivity with your partner. That's just my personal belief. I think over time it can.

They just need to have she needs to set her boundaries around it and consequences for the boundaries of boundaries broken and live up to the both you know, like if but I also yeah, I would also like to ask her too. It's like, is it that she just doesn't like it and she feels disrespected or is it Can she see and feel the disconnect in their marriage? Like question, do you think porn is something that does

draw a disconnection from a relationship? Like I was just saying, I think that porn addiction not can drive a wedge. So I mean that's tough. I think she just needs to, yeah, put down the boundaries and they need to have consequences around these boundaries. And you have that conversation, it's tough. Well, let's all go watch a PG rated film right now. Go watch Frozen two with Nicky Elton. Just starting Frozen

two with Nicky Elton. Just leave it at this with food for thought is make sure you and your partner are are clear about boundaries and communicate around you know, some of these tough conversations, um, because when there's too much room for interpretation, it can cause you know, a big issue. Agree and you, guys, whatever is inside of you, it's out prolonging it. Do it. We got a half of the year left and it's going to be amazing. I love you guys. H