Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
Okay, so to wrap everything up, I actually I do want to what do you think we've done great at co parenting?
You know that is one thing we haven't really touched on yet. Yeah, there are like too, and.
What do you think? Well, why know we did bad? I go parenting not like bad?
What do we do bad?
I think we let Well, it wasn't actually no, it wasn't co parenting. I think we just the you know, obviously the first year year and a half, we let our personal stuff slide into our communication style.
Maybe I'm blocking out the bad because it's been so good. Yeah, it's been a learning process, just like everything. Yeah, but what that.
Said, do you see it as a new relationship too?
Yes, I brag about our relationship now I do. I'm like, it's amazing like before, even even when things.
Were worse, we still right to come to.
Yeah that you and peopleould ask me, how is it co paring downs? Like it could be worse because even from the very beginning, it could have been worse.
Yeah, we could have met in parking lot, right.
We could have had it could have been supervised, It could been like there's show again. We all know people that have these crazy stories on what they have to do, and so over the last two and a half years, it went from it could be worse too. Now I'm just like it's amazing. Like I said, I brag about it, and that's a testament to both of us for getting to the place that we're at.
What would be your advice to couples that are going through a divorce and how to get to this place?
That's so tough because I make up that majority of the time, one of the parties still wants to be together, you think.
Honestly, I think their hatred over comes over overtakes the relationship, right.
But I think that hatred stems from the fact that one of them still wants to be together, maybe right because they hate so much, because they're so angry that it's like, no, like we should still be together. But you did something stupid or just that the other X, Y and Z happened.
I could see that, or I could see the hatred from you ruin my life. And that's what you know, I could have in you too. We both could have probably rode that horse going You ruin my life, You ruin my family's life. I'm never gonna you know, and so that hatred rides them into not being able to have a relationship more than the ease of what it could be.
M M. Yeah. I mean it's easier said than done. But I don't even know if I have advice. I just know that at the beginning, even though yeah, you were more vocal about things, I had times where it was really really hard not to say screw it and just be prideful and arrogant and defend myself in all of those things. But ultimately I just it was just
about the kids. And so for I guess if there's any advice, it's for people to sit there and think, it's like, before I make this decision to do whatever it may be, does this help my kids or hurt my kids? Because that's all that matters. And because of yeah, we haven't done it perfect, but our ability to road to where we're at now, our kids are in an amazing position.
I like the fact that we've been able to do joint parties, and though it was hard in the beginning, I think it's it benefits the kids. It does when we're at least because there's some people that say, well, the joint parties, if you're still having that energy, they're going to feel it. And I think we've and I can see that, you know, the kids being like, yeah, they were in the same room, but they hate each
other and we could feel that anxiety. But I think we've been able to and maybe that was maybe the first year of us throwing the parties, that we had that energy. But I think now it's we're able to be in the same room not have so that our kids don't feel that kind of energy.
Yeah they don't. There's we don't know what they feel, but they were pretty confident that they don't feel any negative energy.
Mike.
Maybe we could write a book about co parenting in a couple of years and how we were able to do it.
Wind down co parenting, which.
I know that you have not read the book, but there is one part I do want you to read, and it's in the acknowledgments right there.
You want me to read this aloud?
Sure do.
To my ex, thank you for showing me that there can be kindness and respect on the other side of a story we both didn't see going this way. I appreciate that. Thank you, Thank you.
I appreciate you, and I don't you know, I think a lot of times you've always had to fall on
the sword and say sorry. And I struggled with forgive for I struggled with saying sorry in our relationship because I always just said, well, you did this or you did that, and I just personally, I know we're moved on so far from that relationship, but I do want to say I'm sorry for any part that I played in anything that made you feel a certain way about yourself, or that that you held onto or and I'm I just I'm sorry for any any piece that I played in that I appreciate it, story.
Appreciate that now in your defense, well.
I felt like we've defended very protective of each other now, which is great.
Having dated over the last two and a half years, I'm finding it that not to categorize all of you women, but women have a very hard time apologizing.
It's not just you, Oh thank goodn't it right? It's hard for us for whatever.
It's very difficult for your species to.
Apologize, I think because when well do you see that gift with I think it's a little mermaid, But it's like when when a woman does apologize she's on like life support and be like I'm sorry, but then uh yeah, I mean I don't know when we do though we really mean it.
No, you don't think so maybe let me ask you this what.
It's so funny.
I love that you've seen that now because I'm like, oh, that's fantastic.
Yeah, is there anything lingering for you? Because again, we've talked about how how both of us are are happy now in our lives and what we're doing and our situations. Is there any part of you that has shame around or insecurity around anything. I'm trying to think how to explain this. Let me share you share mine, and then
maybe that I'll help you. The only thing because I've done plenty of work to get past like I don't feel the same shame and responsibility and that I used to feel on a daily basis right with us the early days of post us and just be us being together, Like I'm past all of that.
Fortunately that's good because that's a wait, it's a lot.
And it weighed me down for a long time. But now the only thing, because I was kind of work on this recently, is there anything that comes up in terms of shame as and what came up for me was, if anything, you're starting a new family, right, which I am.
As we've said, I am unbelievably happy and genuinely supportive of There's part of me that I have this fear that, okay, you start a new family, say I were to start a new family, that if that were to be the case, if I also start a new family, I project this
fear of Jolie and Jase. It makes me motion anytime I talk about it, that they ever have this feeling of like they don't belong because they're the ones having to go back and forth and mommy has Alan and y'all's child, Daddy has so and so and they have a child, and it's us going back and forth. Now, I, in my mind and in my heart, I defend you and I because I'm like Jane and I are so on point right now, like we're going to make sure we do everything in our power that they never ever
feel that way. There's part of me that still holds on to some shame of like, Okay, the situation is this way ultimately because of a pattern that I created, and I would I will stay single the rest of my life if it means that Julie and Jays never never ever feel that way where it's like, okay yet, mommy and Alan and child and I'm ready to move at a moment's notice. And obviously that's no dig on
you and what you're doing with your life. It's amazing and I support it fully, but I think it's my own. It's like that last layer I have where it's like I wasn't able to give my children that family, that stereotypical family that I'm used to growing up with my parents, God bless them being married over or forty plus years now. So do I put this responsibility on myself to like never want to have kids again, which I don't think I do. I'm pretty confident and honestly, you haven't you
having another one right now? That feels like a lot. Maybe I don't want to, but I'm pretty confident that I don't want any more children, and I would have to say a big part of that is because I want to make sure that I'm available at every possible moment that I can be for everyone. That includes you and Alan and you always be and the kid, like that includes all of it. So that's what. Yeah, So if that helps you think of anything that comes up
for you. I just know that that's that's the only thing that's come up for me in terms of like shame around.
Yeah, I mean, that's the that's the piece why I think we've at least for me, why I fought so hard was for the kids.
Right, because I know you didn't, and you know, especially you come i mean from a divorced a childhood like it's you wanted to fight so hard to.
Not have that, yeah, and it's you know, it's not and obviously I've thought of it too, and it's not. It's still not a normal thing or natural thing to say goodbye to the kids. That is the still the hardest piece is too though they have a loving home at your place and they like obviously they deserve all the time there as well, same with here. It's still not. That is the hardest piece of this whole thing is something that we never wanted to say. We would joke
about it, which is weirdly sick that we would joke. Well, same see your dad's you know, But you know it's that is that will forever be I think the hardest piece and I don't think that and what I've when I've leaned into other people in this same situation, they don't only say it ever gets easier, and that's you know, like this Christmas, I don't want to have to say goodbye to the kids while we have another child here. It's like that, I in, that's that will be really hard.
And I because I don't want it to just be us three. I want it to be us five. And so that is something where and you know, the kids and then having our kid be like, well, why do they have to leave? And that's just something we'll have to figure out to navigate. But of course that's not how we that. Yeah, that'll always be the piece that's really hard. And I think again, how we structure our homes and how flexible we are and loving that we are and our relationship is going to help them not
feel that way. But I think that will always be the stinger of the end of our demise. I guess is the kids and uh in kind of managing.
That, yeah, you bring up you bring up a good point where and it's like, no matter how good of a place that we're in, yes, it makes it a little easier because we're not saying bye. And then like fu under our breath to each other. We're like, okay, yeah bye, you got to go. But you're right, It's like, no matter how good we are, that still stings. I you know, when they talk about is it daddy day? How many days at daddy? Is it mommy day? And it's just like.
Now, the flip side, the positive side of that all is they have healthier parents, We're happier we are. It's obviously a better household for both of them now, and it still stings, and it will always be something that will be hard to navigate emotionally for sure.
Yeah.
Well, thank you for having me on again.
If you are in need of insurance, where can our listeners find you, because you know, you're obviously very passionate about it and you are taking on new clients and new people.
Yes, and.
I would like some child support, So please everyone listening hire my ex husband.
Yeah, we'll do. We'll end it with a little promo here for each of us.
Don't worry but me, it was I. You are my guest, and we promote guests.
Yes, but but come on still, I I'm I said it last episode. I'm really proud of you for the book, especially the evolution of it the last two years.
And can I tell you one story that I wrote
in there. I tell basically the story because you know, when we were in Vancouver, we were Audi macout ourself, we were the last straws, and I basically talked about how we got into a couple zoom fighte over the watch over what remember you bought a watch for like five hundred dollars and I'm like, and you're like, and I'm like, my ax again was feeling controlled and he felt like, you know, once again I was trying to control him with his watch buying and his but his
watch buying represented to me him not like meeting the boundaries and how we were just I mean, it was the end, the end, all be all right, of like he would go to his room, I'd go to my room, and that was just like, yeah, that was when we knew. That was that was the start of like the real true end of it. But I don't know why why did I.
Start with that the story only you said you wrote the story of it in the book.
Oh yeah, no, but I mean it's uh, I don't know why I brought that up.
Pregnant bring pregnant brain, I.
Don't know why I just brought that up, but there was something about it.
I'll to say. If people haven't gotten it, get it. Even though I haven't read it. I just I know the place. I see the place that you're in and I trust. Again, like I said earlier, I trust whatever you wrote about regardless of what it doesn't. It has nothing to do with whether I agree with any of it because it doesn't have to.
Do with me.
That's the whole point.
Thank you for not making it right.
It doesn't That's why it doesn't matter if I agree or disagree. That's why I didn't want to read it, because it doesn't matter. It's about you. It's about your next chapter. And I just see the person that you are now, and I you know, I have so much love and respect for you, and I support you unconditionally.
And now to support you in your insurance.
If you'd have told me Mike at thirty six you're going to be slanging insurance, health insurance, buy and enjoy it, I'd have been like, yeah, there's no f and way. But again, like I kind of mentioned before in the last episode, it may seem silly, it may seem stupid,
it may seem unimportant, but it is right. You're securing your future, You're protecting your financial and future in your health, and it's something I've become passionate because when you're able to help somebody find something that puts them in a better position for their family. Whence people have kids, young kids, and I'm able to help them find something that is better and less expensive. And that's why I enjoy what I do, because I'm helping people. I'm an asset to people,
and it's something to not go overlooked. Our healthcare system gets a lot of crap because it's not great. So I tell people it's a you know, it's a pill to swallow. I'm trying to make it a smaller one, you know. So even if you're not looking for it, but you just have questions. I tell clients all the time, I'm like, even if you don't need any right now, you just want to make sense of what you currently have,
let me know I'm literally here to help. Email Email Michaelcosson dot agent at gmail dot com or Instagram So weird still at m underscore costing follow fallaw.
Yeah, thank you for coming on, thank you for sharing, and thank you for being open and vulnerable and maybe we can do this again in a you know, co parenting, how to blend the family with Alan, and we can.
All get out of one big podcast.
Love it on uh.
A few minutes, you know, I.
Love that guy an episode just talking about who likes Alan Moore Janno.
Anyways, all right, well uh yeah, this is a lot, guys, so thanks for listening and we'll see you next week.
Appreciate you all.