The Perfect Trainwreck

Wind Down with Jamie Kramer and Michael Coffin and I'm her radio podcast.

It's the holiday season. How hearted it that?

Yeah? That was last week, Hickory Dick. Another good show coming your way, and we don't have any guests, but we have some very interesting topics to talk about, some current events, topical relational information, and we have Mark and Easton and Becky and the whole crew here. So we want you guys to chime in today since we don't have any guess because they know people don't want to listen to us for the next hour.

I don't know though, because I was just about to say, why do you need guests? And we're the perfect train wreck. People love to listen to the I mean someone had said to me on Instagram just recently, I love listening to your podcast. It's like the perfect train Like you don't want to train wreck, like you don't want to look away.

I was like, great, thanks, We're like a car crash. You just want to rubberneck ads. You drive by and say, at least that's not me.

Is that what you say when you see a crush?

No? I more so pray for them and hopefully everyone's okay.

Yeah, I would like to start off as the producer Mark and be like, where's the energy today in the room. I feel like you're annoyed.

You feel like I'm annoyed.

Welcome Mark, like I'm gonna I'm trying to get the goods.

First of all, I feel like you've been frustrated with me this morning for whatever reason. Okay, a little on the edge, and then I'm not annoyed. It's just so I have to remind myself that, you know, swipe ups and stuff that Janna does is basically why we're able

Hell a body, which, by the way, I.

Love I love Hello Botty too. Get your body right now before Christmas. Swipe up, swipe up. And I'm just like, okay, like, any any minute now, she's gonna be done. And then another five minutes. Any minute now, she's gonna be done. Another five minutes.

That's the exaggeration. It took me five minutes to post it.

Which if you sit there in time and sit here and listen that for five solid minutes, it feels like a lot longer.

I'm sorry for providing for but other than that, I'm great.

Other than that, I'm fantastic. So what about you?

Are you though?

I am because I felt like this morning, you're like, we gotta move this tree in our room. We got it.

I'm the kind of person when it's when there's clutter in my way at one like I let it go. I let it go, I let it go, and then I'm like, this fucking tree needs to move like it's been in and you're like, it's not in your area. I'm like, it's halfway in my side table, Like I just want it back to where it's at, like the original place. And so I just kind of I I let things go until I just snap until I'm just like I want it in its right place.

For the record, let's just say include that it could be your stuff too, that you'll just let go, let go, and then you'll just snap at your own stuff and be like, I gotta put this away.

Sure, absolutely, yeah, I mean most times it's not.

You know, I beg to differ. Okay, do you leave more stuff around the house than I?

I leave shoes and them in the middle of the room though in every room in this house, right, I do, granted, but I do not leave them in the middle of the room. They are placed nicely in the corner of every room. Like my white shoes are in the corner by the thing. Now I gotta and I move the other pairs. But at least I don't leave them in the middle of the room, Like I'm not tripping over the shoes.

Where do you trip over shoes?

Oh my god, you're stupid. Sandals I pep over them. I'm so glad we have couples therapy after this, Mark, you want to chime in a are you just gonna let this train go for a bust?

You know there's a.

Balance there because a lot of times I need to be quiet and let it play out. But I will say, you know, you and Mike, you have a lot of issues on this podcast that are major and make us fear for you future. This is none of those things, and that's good. I think I think this is positive.

I you know what, I'll second that was saying Jane and I dreamed about the day that we would have normal marriage arguments, and we're we are there, We're having normal marriage arguments.

Yes three.

I just love it that Mark even's like we all fear your relationship, but this one's actually like normal.

Can I tell you something that I think you might get a kick out of.

Yes, please.

We got an email from you guys saying we're running ten minutes late every time we get.

That even we're like, uh oh, I totally hear you on that. That makes so much sense.

That makes all the world, I mean.

And granted, because you know, a married couple working together, you're gonna have.

Your It's it's hard, man, It's hard when, especially when you have to put on a face and come on and talk about relationships.

No, really, though, this time running ten minutes late was just because Mike was annoyed because I was doing slipe ups.

No, it was because you ran longer on the treadmill that he expect. You really went after it today. You took a shower and you wanted to do that post before we podcast it, and he said, we don't have any guests today, so can I finish this before? I said, sure, I'll email the team.

And meanwhile the team's like, oh crap.

We're in for it today. Make sure Mark's on here. He's got to produce this shit.

Mark will really get it.

Mark will really get it out of him, exactly the conversation, Uh huh.

And really, what it is is I want this tree to move. He wants me to put my shoes away. He wants me to turn down the volume of my Instagram. What else, honey? Is there anything else?

I just it goes back to this over the underlying topic or really the big the big picture here of I don't think men say as much to their significant others. Female significant others about that stuff, like, because I'll give you a benefit of doubt, she'll move that once she's ready. And but one it's the other way around when we're like, was ISHO, you gotta move it.

So I don't know, but I've done a I've done a test. I've been testing you on something.

That's not triggering. I love being tested.

No, it's like a stupid test.

Let's hear it.

It's about exactly what you were saying.

Let's hear it.

So I have left a bag in the bathroom for the last month. Now, granted it's on my side. Okay, have you noticed it all?

Yes?

Okay, So the bag has been sitting on my side of the shower, not really in my way, but it's still in our communal area. And I'm like, I'm going to leave it there until he says something. And by the way, it's been driving me mad like bunkers. And it's been a month and he still has yet to say something.

The defense rests.

So is he passed the test or failed the test.

I've passed.

I think you passed right, But he's passed in the negative sense.

So now I'm supposed to write her ass and say something about it.

No, but it where my case rests is that I'm like, guys, just don't care. That is laying everywhere. You don't care, and that bothers me.

But I have my breaking point with like my stuff too that's laying around or things that are cuttered. I have my breaking point too. But for you, that bag doesn't affect me in any way, shape or form. I don't walk over on that side of the shower. It's on your side. I have nothing in the linen closet that it's by, so really it didn't bother me. And I keep seeing. I'm like, well if she I know how she is, if she wants to move it, she'll

It's impossible for him to pass.

I do I do hear you now that? Like you say that, I understand that, and I can empathize with that because I'm like, you know, and actually I think I would be upset if like you said something, because I'd be like, well, why don't you move the stuff next to your table? But I think the point is that, like you don't like men just don't care that there's

But the time is notoriously filthy.

I don't want to hear it. Like the most random stuff like that just stays on the nights. I'm constantly cleaning the nights.

No you're not. I mean, oh my Lanta.

This is I will say.

Though.

So we were having a girl's night the other night, and every single woman there was like, we have to say something to our husbands, like it's just a part of our And I was like, and I went to therapy going why do I always have to say something like what what part of me?

Like?

Why is what am I needing? What am I looking for? Why am I always wanting to say something, and you know, she really brought it around and made me understand it

Think there's something underlying for women where it's like, you not to generalize, but I feel like most women tend to see how we handle a certain situation and mimic that to maybe what we feel about y'all. Well, so you're like, well, if he doesn't care about this bag, that means he doesn't care about me. If you don't care about keeping this house clean, does that mean he doesn't care about this family and care about me and care about what I need? And so it's like, y'all,

Yeah, And that's something my therapist said. She's like, what's really underneath the question? Like why are you really asking it? Like is it because that you feel like he doesn't care? Or is it because you know? And there's there's there was different answers for different questions, and some were just like and but it's funny though, because every single woman at that girl's night was just like, Oh, I do

Now?

I don't have room? It's like, well, why does she have to say that? But it bothers her that he gets more groceries and like she has no room to fill in her pantry and she likes things order and neat, and and he's like, why who cares? I got an extra peanut butter? You know. But it's it's just yeah't know, it's just interesting, like why we always have to say something.

Yeah, I genuinely do give you benefit of a doubt, Like I'm just like, okay, if she'll put that away. She's an adult, you know. If it was something sitting in the middle of the room. Yeah, it's one thing, but it's it's not something affecting me, you know, directly. But you're an adult and you'll put it away, you know what I mean. It's like my closets. My side of closet is a mess right now, and I got to put those clothes away, and it's like, yeah, if it was like that for a long period of time,

I've never seen your side of the closet clean.

It's like as soon as I do, it gets dirty again.

It's never I mean the last house that we were in, thank God, we had different closets and I was just able to shut it. But now our closets are together. It's a very and it's a small closet. It's way smaller than any closets minus the La home. But you know, it's a small closet and it is I have to purposely not look left because it just gives me anxiety.

Jana has made comments before, Hey, you know the dishwashers like dirty. You know it's empty.

You can throw stuff in there, Yeah, because you've been leaving them just in there. And I will say this.

Let me finish. Oka Jana will do the same. At times, I've never said anything. I've either left them there or I've just put them in the dishwasher. But I don't say, hey, I yes, I'll put your plate in the dishwasher. I'll just do it. It's just there, you know. So it's like the why say something it's a dirty dish. If it was an everyday thing that was constantly happening, that's one thing. But you and I share the dish's responsibility.

Yeah, you've just got a little lazier lately with not putting it in. I'm just saying, like you have like a little I've been emptying the dishwasher so much and you've just been like leaving your plates there. I'm like, it takes two seconds to put it in the dishwasher.

I told you we empty an equal amount, right.

But there was about a week there where it was just like babe, right, see.

And that's what happens. A week goes by, and it happens a couple of times, and then all of a sudden, it's this big, not big, it's like pandemic that's happening, Yes, within our household. Pandemic within a pandemic, the inception of a pandemic in our household. That whoa. You know, Mike, he just really leaves his plates around.

You know what, I need to take a break and I'm gonna go up to the dishwasher. Go ahead, what do you got for us?

All right? So Dancing with the Stars, that's your squad. Chrishelle stous is dating your boy ko I love Q.

I texted him the other day and was like, you finally found your queen because when I was on Dancing with the Stars, he was always and he's got that accent and he's just like, you know, I always said, like I'm trying to find my queen. That's not his accent at all. But I'm just like, he just he's the most lovable. I loved him so much. He was probably my closest dancer guy friend there. And he I'm just so happy for him, like I truly am. Because and he was just like, oh here, I'm gonna tell

Is that her name? Niki Nikki bell Nikki Nikki.

Yeah, so they were partners but no first kid, but I mean these Krishelle was partners with Gleb and I felt bad because gled Got is getting divorced and and so everyone thought like that was right. So I felt really bad that she got looped in again into like.

Drama of that, right, So well, good for them.

There's an age difference though, because Keyo's younger.

Yeah, but I mean, what eight years?

I feel like she's older eight years. I don't know. I mean I kind of like, I feel like if it's an eight year difference, like that man's gonna tweet treat her like a total queen or there could be a maturity. But I don't think he was immature.

No, I mean he's in his thirties, right, Yeah, he's thirty one. She's thirty nine. So I think when you're in your into your thirties, you've matured enough.

I don't know, man, I did some older dudes that were like twenty years older, and they were not mature.

Oh for sure, we're still I mean we're still big kids.

But yeah, I mean I'm happy for them, though. Yeah, do you got anything else for us?

Yeah? How about this? So this was an article on the New York Post. Okay, an Instagram model helps women catch cheating men by sliding into their dms.

Genius. Trust me, I've thought of I thought of trying to. There was this one thing. It was called like, oh my god, what was it called. There was some company where basically a it's a like a catch of cheaters. But it was called something, and it was almost what I was going to do, like before, like I found out about things. It's like you hire someone to basically I'm like, Okay, my husband's at public's go and you hire this woman to go and basically try to like

Yeah, but you know, I was reading it and she actually said she actually said only a few lied and said they're single. She said that actually most of the men either didn't answer, they said something mean to her, or informed them or informed her that they had a girlfriend or were together. So I wasn't couraged to hear that. Say that happens in a new relationship and someone does that from like early on in the relationship, what does

You know, if I got set up like that, and I would think for the guide too, if they got like I would, that's sneaky and that's crappy, like to randomly set someone up, I would be I'd be like, f you man.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Not cool, Like I would be like bye, now was it a genius?

Just like five minutes ago?

Only if they're like a cheater, like if to see if they would cheat again, that's why I would do it. Sorry, I guess I miss I misspoke there. It's only if it was if they were like that makes sense, have already cheated, right, let's see if you do it again. Because you most people are like I won't stay with you if you do it again, like if you did if you know, if you had an Instagram or whatever.

The bait, right, But if someone there's no been if there's been no issues of infidelity in a relationship and someone does that.

Then I don't think it's genius. I think that's you're just playing with fire first of all, and it's rude.

Yeah, I would have a hard time honestly staying with the person if they did that to me, Like that would be like you said, it's so sneaky, It's like why not just come talk to me?

Well, and I'm sorry, but you're gonna find like it's it's not it's not smart, Like if they've not done it before, you probably don't want to know if they would. Like a very close friend of ours had her husband was a sex addict, and she's like, I want to know if he'll do it again, And so she had created this like fake email and was like meet me at this hotel and he bit and he showed up and she she was there and yeah, and so was like you're done, Like I can't do this with you anymore,

Yeah, sticky situation.

He's gonna find the bait regardless, I can't like, you know, yes, I would like to have boundaries so that he won't see a lot of bait. But at the end of the day, if he wants bait, he's gonna go get bait.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, both both are accurate. You don't want to throw, you know, meet in the lion's cage, and you also don't want to you know, and if you really wanted to find it, then you'd go get it. So both are both are definitely accurate. Let's take a break, and then I want to touch on something we talked on earlier. So we were talking Dancing with the Stars. Earlier, we were talking about Artam and Nikki and they were

You ain't poking them in the eye though, But.

Still I get what Artam's saying that it is weird at first, Like you get over it, but it is weird at first.

Why I felt the sexiest when I was pregnant. I love like having hyperemesis and terrible pregnancies. I loved being pregnant.

I I empathize that. Of course y'all would take it that way, take it personal and stuff, but it is you, just you, just like Mark was saying, you're sharing that canal and your baby's in there, and it's just But once you get past it, you're past it.

So to the men out there that are you know, to the wives, So don't take it personal.

Right, don't take it personal. Don't give up, like, just stay with it, both of you, like you know, you'll get there, you'll get to the comfort level and yeah, but don't just take your time.

It'll be okay, and think about not your baby, not.

Poking your baby, not poking Jason.

And after after a couple of weeks, you're gonna be ready and you're not gonna care as much.

What do you got for us? What's next?

We got any emails? Mark?

As a matter of fact, we do all right. This is from Brittany. How do you go just feel about your significant other looking at provocative photos of other women or men, whether it's porn or just from Instagram or websites like Chive that have these types of photos and gifts. Does it make you feel insecure or take away from your relationship at all? My boyfriend says every guy looks at some form of this, and if he says he isn't, then he's lying.

I'm not answering this.

I think she wants your perspective on it.

So I was ignorant like this boyfriend in my younger years and thought it was normal, and thought every guy looked at this kind of stuff. And I did. And you know, Jane and Hiatus ues even in the past four years of that kind of behavior coming back up, and it took, you know, I had to change my mindset around it because before, you know, before I was in a twelve step program for addiction and all that, and I just kind of wrote it off as guy doing guy stuff, a big deal.

You know what.

Some guys are able to do that, and that's fine. Some guys, some relationships can, some women can. Some guys can, and it doesn't take anything from their relationship. And that's fine. For me, learning the hard way multiple times, it did take away from my relationship. It took away from my connection with Janna. It and it just you know, and I was finally able to realize and empathize that objectifying another woman is harmful not only to my relationship, but

And in the end, Brittany, like you'll find someone that won't put importance in that or care. Yeah, they'll care more about you and be like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. Yeah, Like I don't need to look at this.

Next email, Jessica says, my boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, and hasn't been a perfect fairy tale.

To say the least.

This week, I find out that he cheated early in our relationship, sometime within the first year of his dating. He refused to tell me if it was once or more than once, or what he did or what exactly happened. He swears that for the past year since we started living together, he has been totally faithful. Where do we go from here?

That's so tough because you're going to feel like the entire last few years are a lie. And I mean, first advice is just going to therapy, and I think you know, if he told you, or if you found out and he didn't tell you, I think I think he needs to be honest and come forward and say you know how many so you have the full knowledge

Yeah, And unfortunately, Jessica, you know the fact that you had to find out. Chances are this isn't one hundred percent. Chances are he is minimizing the past, minimizing what happened so he can brush it under the rug and move forward. Because as someone who's been that my entire life, that is what I did every single time, minimized, rationalized, justified,

Out the facts because you're entitled to him.

Yeah, you are entitled to him.

Now, don't ask for all the facts. There's certainly I was going to say, find the number and find you know when and that's when and how many? Is really only the details that anyone needs to know, because trust me, there's so many things I wish I could burn out of my memory for asking.

Yeah, you're hurt. Your pain is going to want you to ask every question of the sun, and you're not gonna want to know the answers to everything.

Agreed.

It's always tough. Yeah, it's always tough. And the end of the day, we just we empathize with you, Jessica and sorry that you have to be going through this, but yeah, it's it's your decision and we know it's it's hard to know where to go from here.

Well, on a side note, Michael and I get to go do couples therapy now. So here's to good times ahead.

It's gonna be a great.

Credit for get credit for time served after this hour.

Right, that's what we talked about. All the fluff on here. Now we're gonna get to the good stuff. Mark, And you can't be anywhere insight, oh man.

Mark can't produce our couples therapy sessions. See this is where I get. I get fearful because I'm going into the session, like, man, we've actually been pretty good. I don't really have anything on the top of my plate. And then we go in and I did blind decided by a mac truck.

That was like the last week, Like last week, you like got on me about something which I can't remember now what it was, but I was like, I thought we were good. Do you remember what that was about? Like something so out of the blue where I was like, what I thought we were good? You had some complaint about me, and it was just it was seemed so big. And then I was just like I it's like like you. I was like I thought we were good, like we haven't fought, Like, do you remember what it was?

Is it when I felt taken advantage of?

No, it was after that, it was something else.

I don't remember.

Wow, See, isn't that crazy. It was because we got into it because I got really defensive about it, which my work was bad because I was like, I got really frustrated because I was like, where is this coming from?

And I wasn't. I wasn't even trying to like make a big deal about it. I was just expressing what was coming up. I don't remember. It's not so funny that we forget. Yeah, I mean, thank you.

What's our email mark? Because I really would love more people to email us.

It's a great question. Wind down at iHeartRadio dot com.

Wind down at iHeartRadio dot com. You guys email us. We'd love to talk about other people's stuff.

Yeah. I love to talk about your your in a good way because we all have some we all deal with it and we have different ways of going about it.

I love you guys.

Have a nice fight, have a good fight.