The Christmas Trip

for almost three weeks. This week is the longest if I feel like, but minus when I lived in Los Angeles, you like, yeah, I like walked in and I was like, and you get five minutes, tell me everything that's happened, and I'm like, wow, this that? Um yeah, and catch us up. I mean, well, for I want to start with a few things first before we get into I mean, because they had this a topic sheet of things we

were supposed to talk about. Um, there's some there's some good chats in there, but I do want to start with the should we wait with the B one or or to do like light stuff first, Let's light. Let's either way, it's start light. Okay, Okay, she wasn't ready. It was your birthday. Tell us about your birthday? Birthday? It was you guys, I think I did. I say I was supposed to be in the Bahamas on the

last episode. I don't. I can't remember. I listened back to a few minutes of it because it was some of the things we said were so funny, and I was gonna screen memo it to you because we talked about how we went to the beach and we were

like take away ourselves, doubts and whatever. I would rather like, like catherinee chocolate cookies, doing emails, attel room, which is my heaven, by the way, doing emails while y'all are just like washing everything away, writing the words insecurity, fear control, and watching the ocean sweep them away. And I'm like her my last email. That's literally what he said. That's why you have to listen to because it was so funny.

Thanks advance, Thanks in advance, but so obviously. I I think I talked about the changing of the trip and stuff. But you, guys, Okay, I told you I don't go down the Why haven't I've blocked myself from reading comments. Okay, No, if it's about me, I don't want to know. Okay, but you unblocked yourself when you read some comments on my birthday, he self gutting and it is. It was funny because they were like, the queendom is falling, call us the queendom and they were like that she's so

I'm offended. We are not. It's hilarious. Do you know what I want to say? Up listening if you think we're dumb? And I said that, so Sorority, I'm for sure getting just annihilated, and you run out. Okay, I'm like, okay, yeah, super credible Reddit. I haven't done that a very long time. Yeah, and I haven't either, and it's felt great. And I was kind of just like, why do they care? Well, why do I care? Is that's the bigger question. But why do they care? Right? But it was so funny.

So because you didn't you didn't post my happy Birthday until later in the day, and Pam and Julie never said never did and I had a type of and mine was awesome. You guys really good. But can I just share with the world what I was doing because I was driving me two kids in a babysitter six hours. Nowhere cares about what we actually hadn't going on, And I don't care if I knew it you know, Pam and I, you know, we had a like I saw her, you know, we same with you. I'm like, it's so

funny how people. And here's the thing too, because I didn't actually for the first time when I was reading some of the stuff, it actually it made me laugh because how off base they were on I mean, all of it. I am so angry, don't it's actually it's but it's it's interesting because we put ourselves out there to be then right, just like the Kardashians or we

are saying we are. I'm just saying, anybody that is in a public platform, you are going to then be picked apart or And I was talking to someone last night and he's like, would because I was telling him some of the funny stuff and what's his name? Dramatic pauses are my favorite pauses. And he's like, would you this is the question I want to pose to you guys. Would you walk into a bar and ask fifty people what they think of you? No? No, I wouldn't talk

to fifty people in a bar. To the hotel room with her computer and kind or chocolate cookies, But no, I wouldn't. I would never see because I don't care right, unfortunately until they call me queen dumb and now buyed up. Come at, I do care, but I wouldn't ask. I don't care really, But also, why are you in a bar?

So then okay, let's say arrest your kidding. It's funny though, because when you say because I know you can, and I know how much you care when someone I mean, for example, a situation that you went through a couple of months ago, like you you went forward until you guys, had she knew or whoever? Absolutely, I definitely care, but I still wouldn't go ask fifty people yeah, because I

wouldn't want to know. Here's the thing, too, is what I said to that person was they wouldn't tell you the truth if to your face anyways, because it's always behind it. So they're gonna say, oh my gosh, of course I love you, you're the best, whatever, and then they're going to go behind your back and they're going to write hateful things because they think that they know your life or know who you are. No, And that's the piece like where I I think even a year

from now. A year ago I would have been like yeah, I would ask, but now I'm like no, because I know that that's not like we know who's we are, right, I'm not a daughter of the king. I'm royalty and I'm not dumb, So peace out should have told you that. I think I thought it was just so funny and like, yeah, there was just I mean they were talking about how,

um my last relationship, you know, crash and burn. I'm like, I wasn't even in a relationship, like you can't even be friends with some It was just it was so funny how I don't know, So I just thought that was funny, but I had I did. I laughed at because the queendom part was just were the Queendom. I can't wait to just excessively post on our big queendom Christmas party. Stay tuned you And the reason Julie can't come is because she's not available because she's got Don

in advance. He's coming now, we'll take it to her. But my birthday was actually great, and um I thirty nine thirty nine. I flew home from Chicago the night before and you guys had already had plans. You were gone at a cheer thing. You were gone, And I know that the fort is going to be like a big bash and so on my calendar. Well, you were going to Bahama, I was gonna Wassmas. Yeah, but then Chicago fire happened, which was such an awesome experience, and

I hope they bring a cute on there. I'm excited. It's so different than anything you've done. So it's fun to see you in a suit and with a with a pony. But no, it was great. I had a great time, and I had a bottle of wine in and I wrote down my goals of what I want to still shed in thirty nine. Like you told me. I listened to that, and so I have my whole goal list of what I want to do, saying like you would never write in the list, I'm like, I'm not.

I like lit a candle and I had a bottle of wine and I'm just like, this is my um. You know everything that I'm going to shed to move into forty and things that you know, it's going to be a good decade. It was so great, and I went to bed and it was it was It was the most And I just never in a million years thought I'd get to a place where I would celebrate my birthday. So that's growth. It's almost like and be amazing and happy, like in the closet crying. I feel

like it's divine timing years. I can't it's New Years like every New Year's I do. I just you don't think when the there's only forty eight hours to my birthday, when the I want this year because I'm so hopeful and happy. Okay, But I do think God did it on purpose this year which one you were because and so we were all like, okay, we're gonna skit scat scatter around, yeah okay, and then you're like, I'm not gonna Bahama Chicago fire, and we're like that is colder

than we originally planned. And then there you are, and I think, like, think of all the people that love you, that would want to do that day with you. It's God like literally just clearing the road so you could just be with yourself. It was so great. It was so great good. That was awesome. I loved every minute

of it. And just like I said, I'm the last podcast, like it's good to be in this space to just have those moments of peace and be happy and not crying my closet, like Cat said, because let us recall my thirty at birthday when I was under my cover's bawling my eyes out. I'm alone. Birthdays are tricky, tricky for anyone listening that is coming up to thirty. It is just not even what you think it is. Take a moment and just love on yourself, have a drink

or don't. Don't be hard on yourself. You're just getting started. Oh yeah, and forties, I'm just so excited. Was that facetious or for real? Guys, you shed your givers ship in your forties. The boundaries are getting so much clear. Boundary hard yesterday, and I really just it's just us girls. It's just us girls and people that think we're queendom um.

So the holidays are coming. I just want to speak into the people that don't feel extra lovey dovey over the holidays, like Jesus is the reason for my season and ours on the couch. But also tricky for a lot of people to navigate all the responsibilities, all of the millions things, the programs, the gifts, the blah blah, the hosting. So I asked to the family, which family your extended family are just No? I just we hosted our house every Christmas, typically four days sometimes five, but

I do breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It is very much a come and be hosted. Okay, play with the grandkids. No offense to anyone, but like I've literally asked several times, just trying to create a plan. I don't know about you, guys, but December is flying, flying, like it's already gone and it has just begun. Like I can't figure it out.

So I thought, okay, let me just like lay out the calendar here because I'm also trying to get some quality, good family time in with the Core four as I call us um because Dad has been gone a ton this year, which is great, but also just like it's been a lot. Kids are older, they're noticing, you know, we need a little like core or four times. So I reach out several times like can we get a guys gonna come before? Do you want to come after Christmas? Us?

I get nothing back that's helpful for're planning several times, and so yesterday, so two days ago, I write at five o'clock at night and just say, hey, would you like to come or would you prefer to come the twenty nine? It's Christmas? Even Christmas are not an option. I don't say that. No, it never has been. I protected hard because the Prince of piece. I need that magical merry moment where it's like I need to listen to Jessica Simpson belt Holy Night. I need a moment

for myself. So I go to sleep that night, I get nothing back. I get nothing back. So you know what. I woke up the next morning, I thought, w W j D and I'm just kidding. I was like, what do I need out of the season, And I thought, I don't want to rush to get ready for them on the twenty It would be nice to have them after. And so I sent a message and said, it looks like what will work best for us is the twenty six through the twenty nine. Can't wait to see you.

And that was it. That's amazing. Did you get a responsing actually works best? Okay? And I was like, I feel really good about it. I I sat with what you I just got to a point where I'm like, I'm I'm asking you when you want to come to be hosted. This is not like a difficult yeah, And I'm asking people that don't have jobs and don't have you know, like the world's your oyster. So just pick a time you'd like to come and be loved on and hang out with your two really fun grandkids. Do

they actually hang with the grandkids though? Um, Preston's mom is incredible. That's great. She is. She doesn't make sense. I think in lives there are creatures and there are people. She's a creature. She needs her own habitat, she's got her own food, she's got her own agenda. She's not She's on a different imaginary level than anybody I've ever met. So she's incredible. And pop Up loves Fox News and he just loves to just watch Fox News on love

And that's okay. I mean, it all is what it is, but I wish us like I don't even think they care as much as I care, and I put all the stress on me and then I've slowly just let go of that, and now I'm like, what works for you? See a lot of that this year because you unhosted. Proud of you? Are you? Guys? That's what quiet quitting is. Isn't that a new thing among like the workforce? Quiet quitting?

I think I'm quiet quitting. I'm a quiet quitter. That's good. Great, So that's great you sat with it and you then spoke of what you needed and what you wanted instead of yeah, because it's when something if it didn't feel good, that wouldn't be a good thing, and it doesn't have you good. And there's a lot more of us that it doesn't feel good for that we just don't speak up or we're like watching all these magical moments on

Instagram and then it feels defeating. And I think you feel like, you know, a lot of us don't have the family that we wish we had. I don't and I never have, so I've had to create memories with my friends and like I've supplemented and God has given me rate supplements for that. But it's just okay that it's not magical for you and you gotta do what you can do to take back the magic. Mm hmm, I like that. Cat. Do you think this year is

more stressful for you or or more cheerful? Um? More cheerful, However, I feel like it's always stressful too, just like the getting ready for it um, but definitely more cheerful. I'm excited. Are you going to make out under the Christmas tree? Maybe we look at the Christmas tree up yesterday because we're very behind because I've been sick and you know, all of the above, and like half the lights didn't work, and you know, I thought you were going to say

you're putting it up. Of course, nothing was going nothing was going right, and he was, you know, Nick was like cussing and did it and I was like, hey, it could have been two trees and yeah, right, that's awesome, and it is grateful for the less paperwork. Yeah, exactly, and even though there is more paperwork on other sides, it's okay too, and that's okay, and actually that actually

makes it easier. Does it call him your holiday heart that you don't have to deal with all the layers of that, layers of the ex husband, I know, your first Christmas without But I just wonder if it's like like you get a little more freedom in the holiday choice. Does it feel that way or does it feel well, this is a harder holiday for you, right, it's tough for one. Yeah, because I don't have my kids Christmas morning.

Now I'm changing what I'm doing with them, which I said, you know, my Christmas Day is now Christmas Eve, which is really anointed, thank you, It really is I'm excited. It's everybody was making their way to a major But I am going to I have a week before Christmas, like the week for Christmas, I have off and I'm going on a trip. She is like, what is happening here? Are you going to grease? Because I'm gonna drop this

mic and them out? No good, Oh I didn't even tell you know, but I'm just going to be so mad if you're going to grease. No, I'm going to London in the holidays. It's a movie catching up on here stresses me out. Okay. Hashtag by blank invited her to grease. Shut up. I'm sorry. Sorry to be the ones that I don't know where it was listed. I feel like I think it was my incented to queendom. Yeah. Sorry, it's funny. Who people who come back around? It's funny

as are usually good for that. No, it was just yeah, it's a it's um, it's it's yeah, as certain someone came back around. But I I said, no, what did you say? Did you say it was Greece? But maybe? Uh no. Just where I'm at right now, I'm I'm not gonna be left over. That's right, that's right? Or an afterthought, that's correct, Yeah, tell us about London. I'm sorry alone, Okay, I'm having it is so magical over there right now you have I mean, you're going to

be in a movie. My heart's palpitating because Katherine knows this and you know this too well. I haven't actually mentioned this on here yet. Okay, here goes. So in September, I went to my check up because I have been on anxiety us in for twenty years, sorry, eighteen years, and so I was on like a higher dose back in the day. And then I've I when I had my first kid, Jolie, obviously I weaned down because I just you know, I was reading things and I was

just like, well, some might wean up. So that's an interesting choice. Yeah, it's kind of right. Whatever, So I decided to lean down, and I would still have paintic attacks. There are still things that you know, Cat would know that I would have an anxiety attack over or whatever. But then when I got divorced, so there was a thing where I said would always make up a three o'clock in the morning and have terrible anxiety if I was a three o'clock it is for me too. While

my abuser. The first abuser would grab me out of the bed at three in the morning, so I'm at in the middle of the night, I'm protection alone, scared, so I wake up. Yeah. So, uh, but a supposed getting divorced, I have not had a panic attack. It's like when you I was gonna say it the negative or the triggers from a past or something that may remind you of it that was still in my body because a lot of that first one, uh was carried

in and felt familiar, familiar with past relationships. So yeah, So I went to my doctor and I told him I go. He goes, you still on lexapro and I said, yeah, but um, I've been doing it like sometimes I forget it's like every two days or every other day. And he goes, well, how's your anxiety? And I said, to be honest with you, doc, like I haven't had an anxiety since I got divorced. And he goes, would you want to try to wean off? And in my mind I was like can, I Like, how am I going

to be okay? And he goes, well, listen, you know sometimes people need medication for their serotonin levels. And in a month or so, you might have to go back on and that's okay, don't beat yourself up, but let's try it. And here's some supplements that you can take. So, uh, this is very long winded and I'm gonna get the supplements to the full list. I've been like going down like I've just been. Yeah, so for the last so I am officially a month in a week off anxiety

meds for the first time in eighteen years. Good. I have not had an anxiety attack yet. Having said that, you're flying, I'm flying to London by myself. It's magical, and I'm not in a first class seat because that

ship's expensive, even premiere. I'm an economy. Well you're tiny, so it's fine, fine, and that's and I'm not trying to bougie, but like it's only my anxiety that gets because I'm I don't like to feel claustrophobic, and for nine hours on a plane on those planes is bigger than our normal American domestic airline honestly, And you're so teency. I mean I mean this, like, I just I feel bad for when I get on a plane and there's like a giant dude that comes and sits next to me.

I'm like, buddy, what can I donate to you? You know, like it's gonna be great. So that's gonna be I think overnight. Yes, So I'm gonna leave Nashville at six something and then I land in London at nine. This is perfect and but yeah, I mean, this is my first solo, this long of a trip by myself. I'm like, what if I have an anxiety attack? What do I do? Like? And I know all the tricks and stuff. I just don't wanna be bummed that, like, I have an anxiety attack.

I've been so like crowd that's gotten this far without notice too much too now, I think, But if it pops up, it pops up. Yeah. But yes, flying alone, y'all, I'm going to London and it's going to be so good for you. I'm so excited. I just cannot wait to explore. And how long are you going to be in their place? Five nights? Yes, five sleeps, five sleeps And I'm so good. So I'm so hopeless romantic for London.

So I told I told Sepnam, who was an amazing exact over at Lifetime, that I wanted to do a remake of the holiday because that's my favorite, like my favorite movie, holiday movie. And so I told her that I was going to do some holiday hopefully remake homework. This is going to be so it's gonna gonna just write it all down and go explore and have fun. And it's going to be so beautiful there. I get wit. Yeah, okay, and I'll keep you guys all posted by the panic

attack mid air. You won't no, no, no, no. I think I'm gonna put it out there that I'm I'm so excited that I'm going to take this adventure. It's not like you're going for work. It's not like you're like you're excited to be there. So I was frantic on the trip. I was nervous. When did you want to London August for what you presdon at a show over there? No? Well I knew this, no it, I just went in August president at a show I did.

We did Paris for a night, very romantic that we were in London for like a week, okay, and we took I took the night flight. Br uh. Other wife of the duo was behind me, but like a couple of rows, so I didn't see her really the whole time. I actually didn'tee her the whole time. Actually, um, I had a very large guy next to me. I wish I could. I donated a little leg space too, but he It was honestly like, I just had to go. I'm in a cocoon. When do I ever get eight

hours alone? Oh? Yeah? And I brought a million things from my self to do if I chose to do it. Sex in the City was playing just like that was playing, So I just watched that again. I woke up when I needed to and neck pillowed. I brought my fun little oils and I'm sure the giant bear next to me looked that, but I didn't care. And I cocooned, and when I woke up, I was in the happiest place on the plant. It's gonna be so good. You're

gonna cocoon for eight hours without a panic attack. In Jesus name, We're gonna pray for you for you leave. It's gonna be good. It's gonna be great. And if I do, I'll be fine. Remember you saw me that morning and I cried, yeah with barbarand I was like, I'm nervous to leave my kids. I feel very far away. It's an ocean black, and then I just got there and I was like, this is our people are so sweet.

I'm looking forward to it. And then I'll be right back on Christmas Eve and then that night I'll just get all ready to get the kids on Christmas Day so they'll come to you noon on Christmas Day, I picked them up at uh Dad's house, and then you'll do Christmas Eve that night, so I will have presents under the tree for them, so at least they have something underneath the tree. And then that night we'll leave the cookies up for Santa. And then, yeah, this is

going to be good. So the only thing that I'm sad about is I'm missing church. So oh, you got to find a church there. It's going to be amazing. Church there is going to be different and good. But I don't know if they would have a service on there, because okay, we'll find one. Churches will do. Like it's a little holier there than it is here anyway, because

it doesn't have one on Christmas Day. Because I was gonna go Christmas Day and they don't have one, so it's either I'm going to find are there any churches that do Christmas Day here? Yes, yeah, there is. I'll find it and I've been before because that's my one thing, Like I love Christmas church. Like it's just please go find an amazingly Mas church there and just like send me all the photos by the palace. I will be sending so many photos and I'm so excited. So total

side note, I'm really proud of you. Obviously I didn't get to go because I was sick. But Jason's birthday, Oh you invited, Mike. I'm so proud of you. That was great. I already shared my opinion. I just had to say that I was proud as well. I said the same thing, I think it's great, and then I told her at a Charlotte moment where I wasn't sure what i'd say to him when I saw him in person because I haven't seen him since we cleaned out his closet. Well see, yeah, yeah, that's the nice running

with them. But I was literally kind of like I was sick again. But maybe my spidy senses. Yeah, yeah, I think it's just trying to just again have that I said the last episodes, like I just want everyone to be happy and I will do whatever to make my children happy and it doesn't take away anything, Yeah, to have him here in those moments, to make to see my kids smile so big. I've been following along.

My girlfriend created this instagram um Mindful co Parenting, and she is speaking, she's licensed and has a million degrees. She's really brilliant. But it's been interesting to hear what she has to say about co parenting and how much

of it you already do. It's really brilliant. Like just a lot of really good things, even things I didn't think of that you guys go through that's so unique to that walk that I'm just really proud of you, Like I'm like, wow, you're already nailing that, or like wow, that's a really good I don't know, it's just really it's not easy to anybody that's navigating co parenting through the holidays, Like I just am really proud of you,

and it's not easy. And you have to relinquish control over like the most sacred piece of your heart being outside of your body and I just can't imagine yea. And I think it's one of those things too where it's like am I happy that you know I'm not gonna have the kids know and do I want to mother if you know, and be like, ah, this is all your like, but what does that do? It doesn't do anything anything. So it's like we know where we're at. It's like it just has at some point it has

to stop. It's like for the stop that like why you know? So it's just what it is. There's no changing anything anymore. There's no going back. There's no and sometimes I might have to, Like on therapy, we talk about our acre, like who's coming on my acre? And maybe there's times when I'm not gonna be okay and I don't want him on my acre, and I get to make that choice. I have a double gate on my acre. Did you do the acre? Did not do

the acre. So it's basically about who you allow in your space and who gets to come on your acre. So there's certain people like you guys have my door code and you're allowed in my backspace, which is my sacred, sacred watching the sunset. But there's people that I'm not going to let in on my acre. And for example, you know, someone like an X won't have my code to my acre, they can't get on and I have And she's like, you know, what do the walls look like.

And I was telling Christen, like, my my fence you can see through. So I'm still I'm still welcoming, but I'm also there's a there's a gate, and you can't come in unless you know the code. So I actually put a bench outside of my gate. You're welcome to sit outside of my acre. I want you to be comfy out there without a code. What would your acre look like? Oh my gosh, I don't know. And you can, like things can be buried on your acre and you can dig things up on it was It's really therapeutic.

And I think that would be something cool too for you guys. Listen, because there's so many times where I think, and I've learned this just with dating, letting people in my space, that I like, shoot, that just tainted my healthy, you know, happy vibe in my place. And so this way, it's like you're more mindful of who you let on

your acre, in your house, in your special place. I think for me, it's like when I've let people on and then I just have this like guilt ridden, shameful, like now they're there and I don't want them there, and why did I let them in? And why did I give it? You know, like I don't like that piece, and it's kind of refreshing to be like, oh no, new acre moving you out. There's the bench and it's yours to be able to say who and not until exactly. Yeah.

I felt terrible telling Homeboy Hawk Girl Summer to leave. At the same time, this is my house, and if I don't want you here, I'm gonna respectfully say please leave. But before I would be so people pleasing that I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings. Yeah, I understand. I think that's a human I also think there's like a dominant, a male dominant energy it we all navigate to. It's more of a danger maybe feeling than disrespectful, like if you know where I live, I don't want you to

make I don't want to make you too unhappy. Yeah. Yeah, I mean that's my own personal experience where I've been like, oh, let's just make the smooth edges so that way you're not going to come back here when you're not supposed to. Acreage interesting, give it a try. It's listed somewhere. You should post it. Yeah, there's like a she actually lists questions. Okay, Amy has to ask her YEA or d M the Refuge Therapy Counseling Center in Nashville, because that's where we

all go. Do you still go okay, yes, but I'm not going until next year. Okay. She kind of like closed it out ish. But I think that that always makes me laugh when we get to this point in the year and people are like, I'm not going till next year. Why does that always get to me. I'm like that new year you well, it's been membership. See you guys next year, wink. It's like a month ago.

I can't remember. But it was kind of like kind of like this wrap up email that was like, you know when you first came to me, here, we're your goals here where you're blah blah blah blah blah. I feel like we hit those we did this blah blah blah. Call me anytime, But you know, did it feel like a breakup. I'd be devastating reap, I know, the recap,

But it was great because I could look back. I was like, oh, I don't remember saying that that in that at the beginning, kind of going okay, I did accomplish my goals for that, so my goals going forward are just different and so it's going to be like a less often. But starting in January, Yeah, she was like you can She was like, you can pick when you cook and I just come see you and say hi, which I felt like. I was like, are you trying to break up with me? And she was like, I don't.

Kind of like a breakup. Yeah, but I think if I got a recap email, I wouldn't need that. One resuscitation threw me for a loop. It was like a legit recap email. Great news is I don't see any recaps in my near future. I think Amy is life enough trauma that we need to sort through that very very specific reason. So yeah, you went into yeah to figure out whether to stay or not. So it was kind of like, you know, and I'd already kind of

I don't know. I'm sure other family stuff and all that stuff will still come up, but I feel like we kind of in the season of st Nick. You know you're back. What a wonderful part of the year. Man? What else you got? Can I know anything about? Are you meeting anyone in London? I just want to know, I don't know, I want to know. I've got to ask the questions. So that's not a no. That's definitely not a no. Do you see her face? I know, well she had a light up about London that I thought,

but you know what, keep it. You keep that for yourself, you goin to keep it for myself. I just want to asked her now, that's all. I don't need a name. I think we got her. I think you know the answer ink and I will just say, does he have a London accent? He has English? He has an accent. It's not British. That's an accent. That'll do it. That'll make a girl get anyways, anyways, I yeah, just I'm gonna just yeah, yeah. See London and Love was our hashtag when Preston and I went, and it was very

good for our relationship to be in London. Oh that's going to be our hashtag for First of all, what's our nickname for whoever? This guy? This poor guy is like I'm like guys like I'm probably the biggest walking red. Like, don't date her. She's gonna come up with a name for you. You don't come up with the name. You don't do it. Hashtag for her London trip you think on that. Let us snuff send it to the queendom. I do you want to say something? Can I say

something about it? It's your podcast. You can do whatever you want with wind Down with Janne Kramer slash Friends. I mean, we're gonna go and let you say whatever you want. Jackie just came in, and let's call him London since she was going there with him. Alright, London. But there's something you guys are so mean. If we call him London that would throw people for a loop. Then call him London. Then we shall call him London. We shall call him London. But this, I want to

know what you're gonna say. I'm going to I feel like I just want to puke though, too, Okay, just you know, because I sometimes I'm like, do you wanna just shut up? But I feel that way here and I'm like, I shouldn't have said I feel that already about the holidays. I shouldn't have said all the things about the holidays. Yeah, I mean, because I've been very private and I haven't shared who I've talked to and past or whatever. You really haven't. Thank you. Here's where

I feel a little silly and I'm curious. I would love your guys opinion. Okay, okay, okay, Sometimes when you meet someone it feels different. Why are you leaving me like that? Live for those moments? Oh? To feel different? That's that's it. Go ahead, continue, We're hanging on your d Oh tell us more. That scares me because if it's not real, or then I will feel stupid to end to go did I or did I? Or I'll question my I what I'm thinking to intuition no, and

what Amy always tells me to. And I said, I brought this up to her about something that I was going through. Um, like a few months ago. I said, I had so much anxiety in my body, and Amy, I don't want you know, to have I didn't have anxiet attack, but I could my heart was like pounding and just felt heavy. And she goes you, she's like, how do I not let that affect me? And she goes, you have to listen to your body. She's like your body. She's like, I don't want you to lose that piece

of that that piece of anxiety or that. She's like, because you're there's like that book to like your body keeps score. Your body is going to tell you when something doesn't feel safe or doesn't feel right or doesn't feel She's like, that's what you need to listen to. So now my body is telling me something. But is it just like this? Am I crazy? And then also in my mind, I'm like, it's just gonna crash and burn? And but it's weird to me because I'm like, do

I I feel stupid saying it feels different? And then it's just gonna be like, oh no, that's or is that just life and things like that happen. If that happens, well, I think it's just life. But I think you need to look. I think you need to have a positive outlook on any dating relationship honestly, instead of just assuming it's going to crash and burn. I think it's a testament to your heart. Like the thing that I've always loved about you, even when we met a million years ago,

seventeen chapters ago, God, we've really been through it. I just I've always just enjoyed how genuine your heart is. And actually on the way here, I was voiced memo and a girlfriend and I was like, I think you and I was what I said in the in the message, I was like, I think you and I and I actually said in Jianna Kramer are the only hopeless romantics left in the world, Like there's just something about believing

in it that I refuse to let go of. And when things get discouraging to me in my own personal life, and I don't feel the hopeless romantic Like that's why London meant something to me, because I was like, wait, oh my gosh, Like it's like you have to travel far enough to get away from the noise for a minute so you can just see each other. But like loving and wanting to love is the bravest human thing. It just is. So even if it doesn't work out,

who cares? Like that pure hearted like want to go in and maybe find out and kiss a face and hear an accent and see where it lands. And I have some good movie material for my next lifetimes and eat endless amazing French fries, like do it and do it for everybody that just is too skeptical to step out of their house. Keep doing it because it's inspiring to people that you just don't stop and okay, okay,

And I mean that like from my heart. That's not maybeing a people Like I'm just saying, like go be the brave heart because we all need to see that people can crash and burnt. Oh, I can't wait. Where will the wedding be. I just need to be the fly on the wall here, like I want to be there. I think you're right I should. Just it's really crazy though that I said that, And um, let's just keep note of that. Yeah. I don't think it's naive. I

think your intuition is great. You've grown your intuition and you've listened to yourself so well over the last year and a half. You're doing the work to listen to you to know what you need to not be afraid to be alone on your birthday crying in a closet, Like, let's just celebrate and have the time of your life. Life is short. Yeah, well that and that's the thing. I'm like, life is so short. I'm gonna go and

have a great time. If it doesn't whatever, I just I will say though, it feels nice to feel different something and different. That's all say, and that is enough for all of us. But it's just it's kind of like it's I was telling my friend Lisa um Turkis, I was like, it just feels nice to just feel that and whether it doesn't work out, it says it's nice, it's nice, Yeah, it's nice. So I followed Butterflies all the way to London. I had this moment, I don't want to talk to you too too much, but you

like this, I think, okay. So I was like, God, I need a sign because I'm just really overwhelmed with the leaving and the trap and what am I doing? And I feel like the stupid girl that even though he's my husband, like I was like leaving kids and it felt far and I'm like, what am I doing? And so I was like, I really need a sign.

And then I had this moment where I remembered when pressed I'm speed dating because I don't want to bore anybody, But at this moment where I was like when we met we talked, he said I was a butterfly in a cage, or I was a butterfly that got cotton net and someone put me in a jar, and I didn't deserve to have a lid put on my jar, and that he was going to take the lid off and it was going to be a lidless life. And that was our big motto for like the first couple

of years of our relationship, lidless life. Okay, lots of other really beautiful details in there. We'll safe. So I'm getting ready at the day I'm supposed to leave for London. I'm like anxiety written might have taken half a ziccau is not gonna lie just to like get my nervous system back to like where I could operate like a normal human. And I'm stating the stop light and I was like, okay, God, I need a sign, like if

I'm supposed to go to London now. Our couple's therapist has said, I need you to to chase each other. That was one thing he kept saying, I want you guys to just lean into chasing each other a little, because we're both a little stubborn and we both kind of go to our own corners. Sitting at the stoplight and like, give me a sign, no joke too. Butterflies hit my windshield chasing each other and fly off, and I was like, following the butterflies. I get to the airport.

There's a butterfly in the airport. When does that happen? It be it doesn't. And every time I got scared, I followed a butterfly, and I followed the butterflies all through London in Paris, and it follow your butterflies, Cramer, Butterflies. It's a fun that. I'm just like, when is he gonna But you know what, none of this is even about him, know, it's really just about you anyways. It's your experience. You get to go live London the way you want to make out a couple of times, have

the time in your life following Butterflies. It's going to be good. It's going to be good. H Well we made it third episode. Not crying I almost did, but happy. Yeah, I'm just proud of you. You guys, what a season. Kat gets to spend a season with your family. Yeah, I'm going to be calling you from London and being like I need to get home right, I'm going to be It's fine. I'll be ready to go absolutely, Catherine. I would. I mean, I don't have a prescription, but

I'll work. I'll know. I thought you have some here. I thought you meant like to London, should see me. If if I just dad have xan X on the end here, I'll ship it to you. I will have flight options ready to go. But if I have to fly to London to get you, you know I will. Okay, you're gonna have it's gonna be even gonna hear from you. I have a couple of places I need you to go that are just like really fun and take you so into another place. It's going to be so good. Okay, yeah, okay,

guys kiss. We're gonna have another episode before we go to London, so we've got other stuff to chat about. But until then, ah, happy holidays, whatever that means for you.