Rescue Call

on today because he loves the juice. Well, I wish I could be on more, you guys do These are weird times and it doesn't work. But I love being on and I'm happy to be here. What time would work for you, Mark, Well, I like a little later because I have my other duties in the morning, you know with seacrest and yeah that's right. Yeah, but not that you're not my top priority because in my mind and my heart you see. Um, Well, how are you though? Wonderful?

Thank you so much. Yeah, life is good. Life is good. You're good. I'm so good, Mark, are you That's great? Yeah, You're in a good place. I'm in I'm in the best place. I think i've ever been in ever. Ever, that's fantastic. Can a friend at test it? Yeah, you say so, I'd say so for sure. So all of the things that you're doing to become the best you possible, you're seeing you're seeing the effects of that. Yeah, and it's not attached to a he yes, and that's a

big deal. I see I see your Instagram and it looks like things are going fantastic. Yeah, I have. I'm I'm so, I'm good. I'm good. I swear, No, it's good. I was. I was talking about that last week. It's just like I like this, this version. I like this season. I'm gonna this is going to continue fantastic for how much longer, just indefinitely and comes around, It comes around. No,

I mean this is a I think again. You go through things, you pass mountains, and you look at the mountain and go, wow, I'm so grateful that all these things happen, because now I see the new version, the healed version, and that's you just take you of course, like you might slide back into things because of pass but then you remember the work and everything, and I think that's just what you feel. Yah, you'll be better equipped to deal with it when you do, and you'll

see it coming. When you start to slip into those things, that's great. You gotta fall in love with yourself. Now is the time when the guy slip in. When I'm like, when you're good, yeah, well, and now, Mark, you'd be so proud of me, like my strong boundaries that I have. Like I've kicked guys out. I've said like I need you to leave like I want to. Yeah. I kicked to due out and said I wanted to be alone. I was like, guys, that's awesome. It's like, this is amazing,

But I did it really nice. They didn't like it, even though it was I was nice, but that's not I'm like, I want to be alone. Yeah, And they have to deal with that, And honestly, that just makes them desire you more, doesn't it. I mean that just it's like showing up in a sold out movie. You're like, I gotta see that movie. He's like, I'm seeing that now. Yeah. It was. I was talking to Julie actually the other day because I had gone on this day and I

just realized it wasn't gonna work out right. It was just some things just didn't weren't aligning, and um, there's no point, especially at the age that I'm into, to continue on when it's like I already know it's not gonna work. So I instead of what old Jana would do is like either a if I if I ghosted, no, I would just text and then just the text would probably slowly just disappeared until they got the hint. But I'm like, I'm gonna not text, and I'm going to

pick up the phone and I'm gonna call. Right So I call this person and I'm like, hey, I just I want to be honest with where I'm at because we were spo hang out again, have another date, and I was like I just realized that, um, you know, there's just some things and I don't see this romantically moving on and just like so open, so honest, and then you know, he was like oh yeah, yeah, like you know, I get that h totally. But then like the next day calls and goes, well, do you think

maybe we could try again? And I'm like, dude, don't make me do it again, you know, like I was like, you're a heart that was for me to do it the first time. So then when he called back and said that. I was like, He's like, well, just think about it, and I'm like okay, because I'm like, because I didn't want to disappoint again, right, it was so hard for me to do it in the first place.

At that point, I think you might be justified and kind of ghosting at that point you think, Okay, that's what I was going to ask, because I'm like, now, I'm like, I already freaking told you I wasn't really interested, and like now you've you've called, and I'm like, how how do I spell it out again? Yeah? I think I think he's right. I think you can ghost okay or just okay. Yeah, I mean you've already said your peace and him like, keep pushing is not going to

do any good. So but I'm proud of you. Such a guy though, such a guy to be like, you know, she didn't mean it. You know what, She's had a couple of days without me. She probably misses me, right, But before um, yeah, no, Krista come here. But before she comes in, Um, I want to tell you guys about Dime. I love Dimes so much. Um. It's vegan, it's clean, cruelty free, it's affordable, luxury it's great for all skin types. So I use the hyaluronic acid serum.

It's amazing. Um, the TVT cream, Catherine, you like that one. Yeah, that one's really good. Um. They're Um, I know it's not summer anymore. It's technically summer right right now. But their sunscreen is amazing. But all of their products are so good. Um, and their their matte lips too are awesome. And if you have short eyelashes, try their eyelash serum because it'll make your eyelashes grow so long. All right, Chris is sorry. Um, what we're gonna say, Oh, I

was gonna say, Um, you do it the same way. Well, what I would do is you do it the same way you did the first time, reiterate, and then if they come back again, then that's when you go, I don't do anything more than twice anymore. I'm done with asking for like major things more than twice. I'm done. I'm done with that because if you don't hear me by the second time, like you're clearly not going to hear me. So that's interesting, walk away and move on.

That's been a rule that I've kind of lived by. Um. Really, probably in the past year and a half, two years. Yeah, no, I like that. It's almost I have to tell you just one more thing that just really goes along the same line. It's like, I don't think guys are used to it's not that they're used to girls breaking up with them, or maybe I don't know that the dude that this one dude, but or two of them now.

But the one way that I asked to leave Mark, I said, um, I was like, He's like, I just kind of sense and that you you know, you you're in a mood. I was like, well, no, I realized I just want to be alone. And and so I'm going to ask you. He's like, do you want me to leave? He's a mood, but you know, he gets like I'm sensing your energy or whatever. And I'm like and I said, yeah, I want to be alone. And and so he's like, do you want me to leave? And I was like I do. And I'm so sorry.

I just like really want to be alone? Are right? Right? What? I but it's new for me? Right, So like I genuinely felt that. I mean, the guy flew from Australia. I think you're sorry. It was kind of you can be sorry for that, but again it wasn't you know, I'm like, right, let me drop you off at the quantistin I felt bad, but at the same time like yeah, like I want to be alone and I'm realizing this

isn't you know, this isn't a thing. And but then the worst part of it was and just like the last conversation I had, twenty minutes later, I still don't hear the door shut, you know. So then he comes back in my room and was like, so, do you really want me to leave? Do you want me to get an uber? And I was just like again, like do you know how do you know how hard this is for me? To be honest? Like why do you

do this? It just once? And then I was like, yes, please, thank you from now on off janis something one time you get one time because it's like and again, because it's hard for me to even do that, you know, like you know me, I would just like I would lie or I would say like I don't know. So like Christo was on a day the other day, which one, and she texted me and she goes, oh gosh, I

just don't think this is gonna work. And I'm like, do you want me to call you crying, like I can be like do do I need to be like do you meet or rescuer? But then there's something about that I didn't by the way, you didn't know. You're like, I'm gonna sit down and I'm gonna yeah. I mean, it was a good conversation. But um, immediately when I saw this guy, I was like, I'm not attracted to you, and he was. He looked older in person, he was super skinny. I should probably not say, oh hey, really

and truly like he didn't. He was skinnier than he looked in his photos. His age showed a little more, and I was just kind of like me. And he even described himself as an acquired taste, and I was like, I don't know if I could acquire that taste. But it was good conversation and I didn't need to rescue, but I was happy to have that backup. I look at my phone and there's miscalls from Janna. Okay, I'm okay. So some women set that up. They say, look, you

call me eight fifteen and nine. I'm seeing this guy. You call me, and then you have the option you can say, oh, it's just my friend. Jann, Everything's fine. You can say what, oh my god, an emergency. I gotta go that way. It's up to you. Here's the question that I would love to ask mar would you want to know like if I mean again, like you, I don't even married for a million years now, but if you were twenty a couple of weeks ago, thank you, congrats,

that's amazing. But if you were to come back into the dating world, would you want someone to tell you right up front? Do you need a softer like what do you think a guy wants to do you think they need a softer like, um, a softer exit. Do you think because I personally don't like ghosting, that's it doesn't feel good on the receiving end. Yeah, I think as hard as it would be because men and their egos. You know, everyone wants to protect the mail ego and you have to kind of stroke it and you have

to be careful with it. But I think the splash of cold water is the best way to do it. I think that way there's no hope for me because if you soften it, I'm going to be like, well she did say this that one time, like one sentence you said, and think there's hope. So if you really just cut it off, then I know, and it's gonna be It's gonna suck for twenty four hours, but then it teas you to move on. So can we talk

about when it is appropriate to ghost? Because I know I have recently ghosted a guy, partially because he kind of ghosted me. But Jannah, are you are you inquiring about who the person I should ghost? No? No, I'm just asking for a friend following that one. Um, well, yes and no, but I was more asking about one of my people. I have one thousand percent think you should I have, and you think I should go through my dude? Yes, but again they're rude and different everybody.

This just sounds exhausting, right. I saw this, Um, I have to pull this up because I thought it was so funny, and I'll get back to the ghosting. But I saw this thing and said, dating in this generation is no. I don't want to hang out with you from No. I don't want to flirt on Snapchat while you say sexual things to me before you've even met me. I want to be picked up, taken on a date,

and I want the doors open from me. Damn. Okay, I'm glad you read that, because that was one of the things that that was like a hard line that I drew with this guy. Is he's asking me for pictures, like like you know, all the way pictures, and I was and I had to tell him, well, I had to tell him twice and I wasn't going to tell him again. And I said, frankly, I said, if you're going to see me naked, it's going to be in person. And I feel like that should just be said once

time out. Do you know what? He responds back with, I don't even want so just she like speaks your truth. Cry face, cry laugh face, cry laugh face. I'm like getting hot inside right now thinking about it. But I'm never dating. I'm like seriously, like, okay, that's just wrong. What you said is wonderful. If I'm the guy and you say it's going to be in person, I'm like, oh great, Like she's open that possible reality that could happen.

That's so exciting. Yeah, well, clearly this guy just wanted to jack with me because moving forward well or something, you're out of there, because moving forward it's it's instant gratification. Everything has to be right now, right, now, right now, right now, right, So it ultimately lead me. And this is where I had the weak moment, and I texted him again and I was like, and I was like,

do not text him, but I did. She did. Daddy Mark is going to help us men today and the younger generation is so frustrating just ask a woman out. They're so scared to do that. Yeah, I get it. I fear rejection to rejection sucks. I get it. But at some point somebody's got to ask somebody out. You can't just hang out the rest of your life. Do you want the girl to ask or do they want the girl totally? I don't think so. I don't that's

a good question. Probably not. I think they just want to keep it, keep it great, keep it as as undefined as possible. Well, and so here's the here's that part that's frustrating. And so I had someone I was like, I'm he if he wants to talk to me, he can reach out to me. I never reached out once to him. I was just because I'm like, you know what, I'm sure he has lots of women throwing himself at him or throwing themselves at him. And so then he said to me, why don't you ever reach out to me?

And I'm like, well, I figured, you know, if you want to talk to me, you're gonna You're gonna text me. And he's like, well, I want to hear from you. He's like, I want you to reach out, but then when I reach out, it's not then reciprocated. So then I'm like, this is what I'm talking about. This is what's so annoying with guys like they it's like, I

don't understand. Do you know what I mean? I see to me, it's simple, but apparently it's not to other guys, because yeah, I would want to hear from you, and if I did, I'd be excited to respond. That's why I'm just like, no more games. The next It's like, it's just if you think of me, like someone said the other day, like well I didn't want to, It's like, no, no text me saying or thinking of me. I don't. I'm not gonna think it. Don't overthink it. I think

people overthink it all the time. And that's how it was with my wife, And that's what was so appealing was that there was none of that. If we were thinking of each other, we would just call each other because there was no texting at the time, but you would just call each other. And it was that simple, and that's what I loved about it. I was reading this book last night while Men Love Bitches and it was saying, um, and it was some attraction principle number four.

Sometimes a man deliberately won't call just to see how you'll respond. It's like, basically, it says like trying not to say things such as why haven't you called me? Or why haven't I heard from you in a week? But like to me, I'm like, hey, I think it's you know, if we're talking, like yeah, I would like to hear from you more. It just feels like a test. I don't like that. I don't like the testing there. And I feel like that's what happened to you with

a certain person. And then yeah, it's just this very interesting Oh. I mean it's like in her mind, in his mind, the book is fascinating. I can't wait to read it. It's really a fascinating So is it a book on like telling you how to not be a bit? It's basically saying like it's not. So it's like the bit it's not about being a bitch. It's like the bitch is confident. The bitch is like, I'm enough, like I need you in my life. Like it's not like, but you're still kind, right, you know what I mean.

You're just like, oh, sorry, I'm so busy living my fabulous life. Right, I'm not good to my phone. I swear it every second of every day. I'm sorry I didn't. I didn't watch the game. You won great, no idea, but yet I watched the entire game. Crypt that you can't find the text. No, I actually deleted it because I deleted his number. Okay, so I'll back up a little bit. I made myself available for the like, clearly made myself available for this guy. I think at least twice.

You know, I said, these are the days that I'm free. I said, when I have my free time. Because I do have a daughter, you know, I split custody. Um, so when I have my free time, I want to make the most of it. And I made that clear. And I said, well I've made and Janna helped me with this. I said, well, I've made myself available and now I'll just leave it in your court. That's when

he loved cried that's when he laughed cried. It's like I was like block him immediately, Like he was like, hey, because you put out there like, well, I've you know, I've texted you a few times and whenever, you know, when when you want to make your I'm available. But moving on. Yeah, he's just he's like toxic. He has a toxic person. And I think it took me to it's time to go, that's when it's time for repeating.

But I did repeat it. And the thing is, I was somewhat conscious that I'm repeating this cycle and trying to think through why am I wanting to go back? Why am I wanting to this wanting this guy to think differently or give me some different response when he's

clearly being a jerk. And I mean a lot of it comes from I've had past toxic relationships and I'm still sorting through that and uh, you know then, but it was kind of it was a big step in healing because I'm like, Okay, this is attractive to me and you can find fun in it, maybe, but that's only if you're willing to self sacrifice and like lose your dignity in the process. And I got on too, and I was like, it's not worth one fun night, you know. I don't need to be treated this way

to have a good time. Yeah, because you can find an f boy if you really when that's not going to me right exactly. Yeah, And that's the problem with the dating app culture too, because like, if you're not immediately sending pictures of your genitalia, he's just gonna keep swiping until somebody does. Yes. Well, yeah, that's why. Okay, there's this one guy terrified. Remember he called me in

the shower. I was like, you know, and I was like that was so disappointing, And I'm like you think, yeah, And I'm like, what do you wanting me to do right now? Because I ain't doing it? You know what I mean? Like you're gonna do you need to wine and dine. I'm not that girl you can go to like Mark said, go go to Tinder or go like but I'm just like these guys think that they can just call and be like, here's my dick, I'm in the shower. What do you want me to like talk

dirty to you right now? Like my two kids right here by talk to you. Yeah. He's just like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm with my children and what are you doing. Looks like you're taking a shower, buddy, rub a dub dub with the SuDS. And it was like the middle of the day. It was in the middle of the day. And also he thinks you'll find it hot. Yeah, I don't see. I don't find that hot. I'm like, is you calling me and you're communicating with me and you're taking me on a day and saying, hey,

when can I see you next? That? Because guys get it backwards, because a woman in the shower to a guy's like the hottest thing in the world, and so they think it goes both ways and it does not go do That's such a good point. I think there's a lot of things like that that don't go both ways. Yes, oh man, it's fun. This is fun. Um okay, well, I mean we we brought you on. You were sitting over there. This is um. This is my friend Krista. Welcome to wind down. Hi, Hi, just let's just hold

some space just um. So some of y'all know how I met Krista. Some of you don't. Um hm, I have to really carefully step through this track of mud. Um you can do it, can I I think so you've said it before. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Um. So we met through someone I was dating and someone that she was married to, um, the same person. This not at the same time, not at the same time. So she was married to someone for a long time and he was uh. And then later on I met him

and he was a boyfriend for a for a minute. UM. And I actually reached out to her because I was started to hear some things and and as a mother who was around also her daughter at the time, I really wanted to because Okay, I started to think about it, I'm like, all right, I have I don't know. I mean,

myke to my knowledge, is not dating anyone yet. But when he does date someone, I would love to sit down with that person if they're in a serious relationship, just to like they're they're around my children, They're gonna be loving on my children, and I personally would want that, right,

I would want to have that connection with um. And I'm not asking to be friends, but like just like, hey, you know, my kids are my life, and you know, let's let's let's set some boundaries up right of what this is going to kind of look like and maybe that's overstepping. I don't know, Cat, what do you think on that? Like, I definitely think you should have that conversation. Yeah,

I also think that there's an appropriate time for that conversation. Yes, And so Catherine was sitting with me actually when I asked for permission to talk to the ex wife who is now Krista Um, because there was just a few things that were flagged and I was like, man, I would love to hear her story, and also, as a mom who's around her child, well, I want her to know that like I'm a good mom and I you know, I just like, let's just have like some you know,

face to face. So I ended up d mning her and was like, hey, I know you know, and I would love to sit down with you and at the time, I'll let you speak on your feelings with that um excuse me. Yeah, at the time, I mean, I'll be perfectly honest, I was like, you you hated me? Well, no, I did not ever hate you. I did not ever hate you or have anything against you, because like you're

I didn't know you, you know. Um. But at the time I was like, so it all kind of became very public pretty quickly, and I was like, I don't want to be involved in that, Like I know that this is it feels like it's moving quickly between her and the X um excuse me, And I was. I honestly, I was not in the space. I was like, I can't, I can't do this. I'm not ready to sit down

with the first person that my ex dates after our divorce. Hair, when you got the notification on your phone that says you have a d M frommer, what was your initial response?

And this is why market here. Um, let's see, I'm trying to remember no judgment because now we're like soul sisters, so we can we can you know, I'm honestly trying to remember, um, because they were like there were already swirlings of talk in the community, because I mean we live in a pretty tight knit place, and there was already kind of swirling and people were asking, oh my gosh, did you see X y Z? And I was like, oh, God, like I just don't. I don't want to be involved

in this. Sorry, that must have really thought it, okay, um, because here I am no putting myself in the middle literally, um no. But I was just and I was in a new relationship as well, and I just felt like I didn't have the space. But my initial reaction was great, now she's messaging me, what am I gonna like? Great? Now I need to read this and sit with it

and figure out how to respond. And if you remember Janna, my responses were very short because I was like, and it was with Katherine, I was very short, very clear, not doing this, and she was very respectful about it. Um. Yeah, And I basically had asked you, um, and you're like, just your advice to me was just, um, don't ignore what people. I said. If you've heard warnings, go ahead and heed those warnings. And that's all I'm gonna say. And so she was very respectful, and then we were

gonna actually meet, But then I got covid. Was that Christmas? Was that around the same time, because then you're like, you know, I thought about it, Yeah, she thought about it, and you're like, yeah, let's get a drink. But then when when we were going to get a drink, I had to cancel, um because I got I got COVID.

And then when I took that as a sign, I was like, all right, Nope, not doing it, because I mean it was literally like hours before we were supposed to meet, and I was like, no, that's a sign I'm staying out. We're dreading it. Even before she got the you got the call about the COVID. No, I wasn't dreading it. Maybe uneasy, Yeah, I was just kind of anxious and like, I don't really know what I'm

stepping into. Um. I did have a feeling that jan is a good person, Like I didn't like I said, I didn't have anything against her, and I felt for her honestly, and I wanted to step it, like my heart wanted to step in and save her, you know, prevent a lot of hurt. But I also knew that I knew the phase of love bombing that probably was going on, and I was like, I'm not going to be able to convince her of anything. I just didn't feel like it was my place at the time. I didn't.

I just felt like, why, it's not my responsibility to go save every person that he dates. What I think the thing that we had when we ended up and we will get to there. But with the piece that I got from you, which you were like, I didn't I didn't think you'd believe me, and that hit my Like I said, I don't think that it would have

been received. Well, yeah, because it's true. I probably would have gone back and have been said and then this person would have said, oh, X, Y and Z, and so I wouldn't have believed her, and like to not feel believed as a woman in what they went through is is hurtful. It's it's it's hard. That's very true. That's that's a really good way to say that. The other way is that, yeah, I didn't want to be I didn't want to speak my truth and then be

just passed over again or not listen to. Like that's seriously one of my biggest pet peeves is to not

be listened to and not be heard. But wasn't the fact that Janet was reaching out to you and asking these questions a sign that she was kind of looking for this information and that she was going to believe you, Because if she just had hard eyes it was happy as can be, she wouldn't have been sending you that d M. Probably well sure, but again I'll go back to it's not my responsibility to fix every exfit or every person that he dates. That was just where I

had to draw my own personal boundary. So yeah, and you were definitely not ready to hear it. Well, that's the thing. And as because you've admitted now, right, And I told her, And if I would have heard that, I would have I would have believed the other side. Yeah, but then why were you reaching out? It seems like you were seeing problematic behavior, or at least behavior there was true, Mark, That's such a good question. Um, it really is. And that is I think that's a hard

question for anyone to answer. It's like she I believe in the goodness, and I believe in people's redemption stories, and I believe in what people say, and I believe in what I believe in growth and people because I've

experienced that along. I've done that too. And so her version, for example, whoever gets my ex is going to I, I pray have a different version, right, So her experience might not be my experience, and I can I can hear some of the things like just like when my ex starts dating someone, if I was to sit down with them, we might we might And I again, I pray we have polar opposite experiences and so and just like you are in the best place now, people have

dated you in the past, dated a different you know, but now it's it's different. So I think it's not that I wouldn't have believed your I would have been like, I'm so sorry you experienced that. That's not my reality. That's what the difference would have been. So it's like, but I still think deep down you knew that it was partly your reality for sure, but to believe. Yeah, I was so clinging onto like it was like I was,

I was. It was a week before Christmas, and like my friend, I was like, I was just clinging onto any hope of like having like this fantasy family in my brain that wasn't right for either one of us, you know. And it was just like this like white knuckling, like and I still think people have to be ready. I think you have to be ready to hear it,

to receive it and do something about it. And if you're not in that place, you know, I am, I'm sorry for your experience, but well, and I think to like, if if that were to ever happen again, there wouldn't no be reaching out to the ex wife for the ex girlfriend. It would just be like, I'm sorry, this relationship isn't gonna work for me, that it doesn't matter

what happened with them doesn't matter. Yeah, So it's like that's where now this version would be like, oh no, Like I wouldn't have to reach out to anybody because I know in my firm foundation of what I deserve, what I want in my life, and what doesn't align with me, right, And that's where like I was on the other side of that talking about the realities, the different realities. I was on the other side where I

had been. So I had been through a lot with this guy and was like I knew my truth of um experiencing life with him, and I have come to my own conclusion that he's never going to change, never

going to change. And so part of it was like, Okay, it sucks that you're in this place and you believe that something's going to change, like going back to you believe it, like you hope and people you pray that they can change, they can and I do, like I believe that same thing is that I believe that there is that tiny little mustard seed in each and every one of us and it, yes, it needs love and nurturing. And you know, people are in a dark place and

they act out or whatever. But at the end of the day, if it starts to be a detriment to me, I'm not going to take responsibility over that I did it for too long, if that makes sense. So how did we get here? How did we get from early nervous, trepidagious email to being soul sisters? And it's been it's gotten some hate, and I think that's another reason why we kind of wanted to have this discussion too, because I don't think people understand it. And that's again, it's

not for people to understand. At the time. My intentions when I reached back out to her, because we never met face to face was my children. My children were around her daughter and they were in love with her daughter. And that piece was what broke me the most, was that I prematurely introduced my children to someone and I then involved another child around my children that they fell in love with the other person. They never mentioned the name once, but the child's name over and over and over.

When do we get to see And it literally broke my heart because I'm like, well, there we go. I just I messed this up. I I I screwed this up. You know, and now my kids are are paying the price, and it broke my heart. And so I reached out to her and I said, I don't know if you know, but we're not together anymore. I said, Jason, and Jason her daughter had a insane connection, like insane where every day like mommy wears, where's you know? Your daughter? Were where? Where? Where?

And so I was just like, all right, I have to, like, I have to reach out to her. So um, I was like, it's not fair for the kids what they went through losing her again. They don't mention the other name, They just are mentioning her. So is there a way that maybe we could let them face time every once in a while and then just wean it out that way, It's not just this dramatic someone who was with us seven is now no longer. They're never going to see again.

And I didn't want to have that conversation with him because I didn't think that would be received well um nor and we needed to you know, both move on, and because it wasn't right for either one of us, right, so um, and so I reached out to her and I said that, and I was like, you know, I totally understand if you don't you know, if you don't

want to, I get it again. I'm not trying to like rub dirt in an open wound, like I just like and selfishly like what I mean that selfishly you were so graciously opening, like opened your heart to like knowing my mama heart was ruined for my kids and because you could have been like no, like that that was your that was your mistake made, and you need to figure that out and instead, Yeah, I mean if immediately as soon as I read her text and I read the words were not together anymore, my first very

first thought was great, now I get to explain to my daughter why she can't go over to Jason Jonas anymore, you know, because I know that he's not going to do it, and and then she's just gonna be left wondering.

And I'm like, clearly, the only way that I can remedy this is to, yeah, talk to Janna, and I can be mature about it, and I can you know, we can like dip our toe in and see if there's I mean, quite honestly, see if there is some kind of connection, see if like each other, you know, we we resonate or whatever and when and what happened was is, so she goes, what if we just you and I get together first? And I go, and she was, and then we can discuss how we handle the kids situation.

And I said, I think that's a really great idea. And again like I'm like, thank you, thank you, thank you, Like I just I so appreciate that. And she came over and I mean two bottles later, we had a lot in common. Was there that night too, And you know it was like this we shared, you know, she shared her experiences with her asked I shared my experiences in my past. And it wasn't even about like we didn't we weren't bashing the first of all, we weren't

bashing her ex. We weren't bashing my ex. Is you know, it was just like a this thread, this commonality of like two people that you know, as we just we connected on so many layers and I was just like, wow, like this is this is actually a friendship. But this is like I I relate to everything you're saying, She's relating to things that I'm saying. And we realized from there, like how similar we were? Yeah, echo that heck of

that and and it's so interesting too. And I was telling her this last night and then now then we've obviously gotten the kids together and you know, they've done some sleepovers and I mean they're just like grand like they they love it. It's so much fun and it's

such a happy ending for them. I love that. Yeah, and it's like they get they get there her daughter and I got a friend, you know, like I got this sole sister friendship where it's like we relate and again, like people are like, oh, like it's so immature, and it's like, explain to me how protecting and how loving my children and how connecting with someone that I connect

with this immature is. I'm not rubbing, we're not rubbing, we're not talking bad Like there's truly like I even told her, I was like, I don't even want to bring up his name in this house. Yeah, we can talk about our past experiences, but like, let's not like this isn't a bashing of a man session. This is just like how do we lift each other up from things that we've been through? How can I how can

we pray together? How can we grow together? How can we like it's not about bashing the men that we've been with No, we're very much both on a healing journey and Janet, it could be anybody that had a similar situation, Like I talked to several of my girlfriend I was actually just on a walk today with a girlfriend and she was telling me about this four month about with this really terrible guy that she dated that was like such a world when he ended up suing

her and all of this stuff, and there were common threads there, you know. So it's I think that's a big bond. And while it's an unfortunate circumstance to bond over um, I think we look at wanting to just evolve from it and grow and lift each other up in other people. What I got from that last relationship with such a gift in like a step in the right direction for my personal growth and healing and like but from that like it wasn't so I got that

from that relationship. And I also got a friendship and my children have their friendship still and and I was we were talking about this last night, I go or the other night where it's so crazy that it's it's the women in my life that have given me more than the man, when the men have ever so like when I think back to like my ex husband John, my best girlfriend is Julie, so his wife, right, So like Julie has given me more than John and I ever was, Krista has given me more than what that

relationship with And like my Queendom, my girls have given me more than I ever felt in my marriage. It's like so that the women in my life are the ones that have given me more than any man could ever give me. And it's like I almost met some of them to have these beautiful friendships. Well, everything happens for a reason. It kind of goes back to that. And you see that you see that article last week about women, uh it's called it was called the Rise

of the Lonely Single Man. I saw that, Yeah, and it's about how women are raising their dating standards and therefore men are most of the people on dating apps and dating opportunities are getting less for them because women are raising their standards and they absolutely should because men have gotten away with too much for too long. It's the whole don't need you, I want you vibe. Yeah. Um, but with that too is we're gonna because I'm like, all right, Christa, I was like we we met for

a reason. We I'm like, how can we also encourage other single moms or help other moms out there, help women that need help getting um, you know, about to go through a divorce and so um Catherine's dip in her toe in it too. But we so we started this Instagram and we're gonna we're gonna it's called all in Moms and we're just going to post inspirational things

or stories that people can relate to. And it's like we want like a community of women to come together that are just supporting other people are like, hey, I need help. Like a lot of women can't get out of the marriage. They don't know how to get out.

It's like this is like I want women to just encourage and to help other women, and like go to the comments and like flood the comments and like share your story, and like we're going to share, you know, our stories and just like be a place for just like uplifting other women to you know, to to not feel alone, because it is a lonely feeling, especially when you we've either you've been in a bad relationship or you don't know how to get out or like being

a single mom, Like it's tough. Like I was talking to Caitlin on the way here and she was just like, I lost it on my kids, like go there, talk about it, like and just um, we just so yeah, come to Instagram all in months and we're all going to be there commenting and loving on you guys. And I just want to point to I mean, you pointed to earlier how my response when you reached out to me after it ended, Um, after that relationship ended, and

you you said that I was so gracious and open hearted. Well, I just want to point to the fact how you were. It took a lot of courage for you to even reach out to me. And so those are the things that we would want to shine a light on, um, for women who are going through even just a tough relationship,

tough marriage, whatever is. Even if you think that the world is gonna you know, talk bad about your not understand, mainly not understand, like, you should still do the things that scare you and reach out to the women who you think maybe they can help you. The worst that

they can say is no. Yeah. I mean, because I've had a few women that I've reached out and I'm like, hey, I've met your x and um, you know this, And I'm like, I just asked for you to know your worth and that's all I can give you, like because I have to draw a boundary too with myself, like I can't continue and that's like and I had to talk to Catherine about this, and I was like I had to check my relationship with Krista and I'm like, am I am I in a relationship with her because

I'm wanting to make her x mad am I in a relationship with her too? Um to have a hold of him and I in a relationship with her. So I was like I really had to like dissect it, talk to you know, Catherine, talked to my therapist because I wanted to be clear of what my motivation was, so I knew it was my children. But then also

I'm like, is was there any other piece there? And I think once I got clear on like no, like I just really connected this person, and I think there's you know, there was a reason why we why we do connect and why like it's like that's when I'm like, Okay, then I'm like we just can't talk about that person because that is like that's the destructiveness, Like I don't we don't need to let's ruminate about someone, you know what I mean, Like, you are not my friend, and

that's what's important, not the past of X, Y and Z so so mature. It only took us thirty six years. We're all growing, I think to really cement the bond here, I think the best thing to do would be for Catherine to date this guy and then Catherine, are you interesting? Thanks? Mark, I'm out all together. I just don't want to date anybody just man, man, we don't want to cement any

other bonds like that in that way. No, no, no, no, I mean wish wish the best, and I would and I would give you a I mean I would say go for it, Cat like good, thanks, guys, I'm good. And again I also want to echo what Jann is saying, like we are not here to talk bad. I am not here to talk bad at all. But we do have experiences and we have a lot of different relations.

You know, it's just a life, man, and being a single mom and just being like, hey, I'm struggling, and you know, and knowing that you are stronger than ever sticking out right here that my sweet little christ and breast Mark. I mean do you have any questions? Since you know, how are you digesting all of this? It's all fascinating and I love I love it. I actually

really like it. I I I hope that we all, as much as is tempting to bash men, and no one loves doing that more than I do, that there are some good guys out there, and I really I'm hopeful that the three of you can use this strength that you're gathering together to find some of them, because they're there somewhere. They really are. I just think they're lazy.

To be honest with you, Yeah, they really are. But why is it that I don't know if y'all may be experienced, but the ones that aren't lazy, we're not like all the way entirely attracted to because there's one thing or like, you know, it's like like that when I told you to be with and you're like, this is nice. I'm like, but Krista, he has healthy, like nice guys. They want them, but they don't really It's gonna be interesting when you start dating. I'm like, Katherine,

why don't you like the nice guys? I'm I'm ready for something about the chase and I know, um who was it that was on that Yeah, that one was talking about them in the egg. The chase is on both sides, but yeah, I don't know that's firm needs

chase egg. But is that a turn off? A guy that's really interested and he shows up for he asks you on an actual date, shows up to pick you up, and he's dressed nicely and he actually like that, that doesn't happen anymore, right, But his point, I will say, I did have a date that a guy was dressed in like full on I was like, I oft in he was like in a full on like suit and I was like, hello, fifty shades are great, what do

you want to do? Let's do that. But his point is if they're the nice guy and they do that, what we're saying is that just not attractive because it's they're the nice guy. I just think if the nice guy was the guy that like we want, then it would be great. If there's gonna be the guy out there. But if you're not entirely physically attracted to them, you know, like they're handsome in certain lights, you know, I still think you can be attracted to them and still they're

they're easy and nice and you think they exist. No, I'm saying I think there's the nice guys that are attractive and you are attracted to them, but you don't really want them because it's not really the chase and it's not that exciting. But what about the guy Krifton went out with who says, you know, he's an acquired taste or whatever? Does that exist? Because I do feel there are guys that are funny, charming, sweet, and and

that women aren't as superficial as men. No, I agree with that, and I also think, like crickets, I do think that if you can give it a second, you can. You might not at first just physical looks be attracted, but once you get to know someone and their personality, you can become attracted to them. So I do think that this guy doesn't sound like the guys women tend to say A sense of humor is more important than looks.

Is that accurate? I need? Yes, and I also still need to be I need to still be attracted, But I think I'm not going for the like model boy, you know what I mean? Like I just look at just text me when you're thinking about me. That's and and just yeah, like I think I think it's um, I think it's possible. I think they're out there, and I think we need to keep our standards. Oh yeah, I'm a chair. I just about me. I love that her text come out. Goodness, I knew, whoa whoa Janna?

What happened? A strong single? In love with myself? I don't anybody that's three weeks ago. Someone someone has um entered the chat that I'm it's kind of excited about. But I don't know. We'll see but someone so, I mean so new kid as a teenager. When that text came in, that's kind of cool. What does that mean? Was that type daughter? Or is that like an auto message? I don't know. I know what it means, but I can't say that after all. Right, well this was this

was fun, right, this feels good. I think we were both nervous because like, yes, but I feel like it's yeah. But I also feel like I we said what's real? Well, and I'll just well, god be weird. It's a million percent weird. And look, I think we've canceled this podcast date like twice at least. Okay, I think so, um, I had to just kind of like I'm the kind of person I have to really think about things a

lot before I actually do them. Um, And I a big part of this that Janna is helping me with, honestly is one of my goals after my divorce is just just find my voice again and to not be afraid to speak out and and but the rule with that is if I'm speaking my truth, then I don't need to feel ashamed about it, and I can do it. And then if other people have questions, I'll answer your questions. If you are confused or if you want to spe you hate at me, I'm probably not going to talk

to you. Um. But if you have questions and just ask me, and you know, according to my own boundaries, I'll answer them. But but yeah, it's weird. Had you heard this show before? Um, I knew about it. You listened, didn't you know? I only only I only knew about it when, Um, I think when you started, and I think at the time, I was like, I cannot I can listen to that? I was like, no, no, like that's gonna be way too much of a trigger. I don't like. I just I couldn't. Sorry, No, it's fine,

you're just being you. UM. But then but then as it like a few months into their relationship. I was like, all right, I'll listen just to like, just to hear and and maybe start to form my own opinion about this person from afar. You know, without too much judgment. You're like annoying, you were you were the trolls on my on the on the reddit. No, hell no, hell no. Um. But so I listened to a a few and I was like, Okay, you know, she sounds like she makes sense, she sounds

like a good person. I don't want to judge anybody. Like. We all make mistakes. Um, some of us are stupid. It's fine. So well apparently Jenna and I made the same mistake. So that was my point. Um, So yeah, did I answer your question? Yes? Yeah, And I think again at the end of the day, it's like, um, and what I've kind of learned too is, you know, my my ex will be like when you stop talking, it's like I'm not again, I'm not back. These are

just my experiences, my truths, my my story. This is not like a I hate you and you know this is what you did. It's like, no, this is just these are my experiences and through this, this is how I'm going to help x Y help other people, and you know, and and connect with other women and like that. That's that's the like, that's the goodness and all of it.

That's the victory. The two of you are getting to the other and going oh and the way he choose like it's like it's like it was like one moment and then it was like and we're done talking about that because it's not it's not about the person. It's about the experience. It isn't about like the connection. That's up. So yeah, good show, ladies. So you are welcome anytime. Just let me know. Um we are going to eventually have a dating expert on the show, so we will.

We will definitely have you um in on that one because that'll be interest. Going to need a dating update from you. Okay, girls, I mean I need to line some up first. I don't have any lined up right now, so same damn me? Do you like another one? Who it's a two for text he's double texting already. I don't like it. You know you will like it? Okay, Just alright, well talk later. Find so