Put Me in Coach!

whole another level in demanding my own podcast episode. Uh No, you know, those of you who followed Janna know she's been working her ass off on this movie that she's shooting for a lifetime and I just I credit her so much because of the adversity that she's had to overcome with having pneumonia the first week and in the past two weeks, dealing with people testing positive for COVID

and false positives and all the above. She's really just kind of been grinding a way, and unfortunately, because of the changing schedule with all of that, we weren't able to get her on here today. So I'm holding down the fort so bear with me. Um, But it couldn't have been more perfect time. I mean to have the guests that we have today, These two wonderful ladies talk

about Um. They wrote a book called Be All In, which is all about kids and sports and parents and that dynamic which those of you who are avid listeners to this podcast. No, I'm very passionate about So we're gonna talk about things with you know, kids getting trophies for everything, and how parents should behave at sporting events and how much to push your kid, how much to pull back. So we have some great conversations around that.

Christie Rampone is a US women national soccer player who spent seventeen years on the team, is three time gold medalist. She's a legend in international soccer. And her partner of crime is Dr Christine Keane, who is one of the leading neuropsychologists in her in her field. So we have some great discussions coming up. It's gonna be a lot of fun. Let's take a break and dive right in. Al Right, guys, Uh, we're so excited about our guests today. Janna had to step out for a little bit. She's

got a lot going on shooting a movie. But we have the legendary Christie Pierce Rampone and Dr Christine Keene who are here to talk about basically the future of our children and and those of you who don't know who these two are. Christie is known around the world as one of the most legendary soccer players in the history of the game for sure, has represented US in numerous Olympics, has been part of the US women's soccer

team for many, many years. And Dr Christine give us a little bit of your background to educate us on where your specialties at. So, I'm a clinical neuropsychologist and I specialized in sports neuropsychology because for years I've been working with athletes dealing with sports concussion mainly. So that's what led to our collaboration from you know, working with athletes for so many years and thus the parent of

kids who have had concussions for sure. So how did you guys, so we're here to talk about your book be all In, which is about raising kids for success in sports in life. How did you guys meet and kind of learned to, you know, begin to collaborate on

this project. Yeah, so we we teamed up on you know, talking about concussion and going on the speaking tour and working on this with the same organization and both being sports moms and with Dr King's clinical background as well as my background playing on the fields as well as coaching for the last twenty years and just watching this climate of sports get so emotional and there's so much

pressure anxiety within these youth athletes. Um, we just wanted to give back honestly and help parents through this, this guideline throughout our book to just help them, you know, have a better kind of the better journey with their kids through sports and trying to teach them is more than just winning. Yes, we all want to win, we're all very competitive, but when those moments of losses um or mistakes, um that you can teach your kids so

much through sports. I love this topic and I was really excited to have you guys on because Jane and I are kids are four and a year and a half, right, so we have some time. But Julie's starting that age, getting into sports, getting a soccer. We're just kind of throwing everything at her. Whatever she likes, she likes. And Christie, your kids are ten and fifteen? And Dr Christine, how old are your kids? Like a little bit more of

a range on eighteen sixteen and today eleven. Wow, so we got all the age ranges covered right here, so we can solve every parents problem right here on this episode. I love it. So let me ask you both then, as as a newer parent, and with kids starting to get into this. You know, my background being in professional athletics, for athletics my entire life as well. I'm asked this question only from a standpoint of because I played professionally, people think I maybe have the right answer or more

of an opinion, when really I don't. I don't have any more of a knowledge based in than anyone else would. But I am curious because I don't know what the answer is. All I know is I want kids to be kids, right, So what is Yall's philosophy when it comes to all these parents who want to send their kids to the specialists and set them up for success and they should just play this one sport year round. Like where do you guys stand on that kind of concept?

You know, we talk a lot in the book about there's like really no one size fits all a way to parenting, but just being aware of your own individual children and they could have a different relationship with sports compared your relationship with sports, and just being open minded and communicate and at a young age, allowing them to express themselves by choosing what sports they want to play and allowing them to start their own journey rather than

pushing your interests on them. You want to show them your interests and be there along the way, but allowing to them to express their own individual interests. You know, we really hope like parents start to, like the next generation of parents could start to let their kids have some more free play, because it seems like since we started raising them, everything got so structured and there it's almost like a child's right in their childhood to have a sport, to be active, and then it's like a

parent's moral obligation to get them structure. So there's this whole shift away from free play. So if if we could give any advice, we'd say, like set some time apart to just let them be and just do and just you know, hang out with their friends in the backyard.

And you almost can see that now in this current stage of the pandemic or like God, the kids are lost because they are so used to this structure routine, like coaches to tell them exactly what to do, you know, they sign up for whether it's individual training or individual fitness. They were lost, you know, and there's a perfect time to you know, prepare your child from when it does is open up and have those conversations of why do

you want to play sports? And you know how to get outside and exercise on your own, how to like play with your friends that in your small group settings and just enjoy sports. You know, I miss the days of I feel like maybe my age range or generation was maybe the last ones where it's like your parents are like, all right, go outside, I don't want to see you till you know the street lamps come on exactly,

and it's like you don't see that anymore. And to your point, it's like, you want, how are kids supposed to do that when they're having you got this coach on this day, and this sport on this day and this and it's this is just my outside looking in.

Because of the impact of social media and Facebook and all of that, my fear that I make up is that it's becoming more about the parents, because the parents want to be able to post that, oh, my son or daughter is training with this coach and it's third known to be the best you know, goal goalkeeper coach in the in the county or the state or whatever, the best quarterback coach. And it's like, is it a out your kid or is it really about you being able to say that have you guys experienced kind of

that same opinion or any of that. Absolutely, I mean that's the trend right now is the fear of the unknown. And social media makes us all feel anxious because you have somebody post something and then you wonder if you're doing the right thing and putting your child in the right situation to be successful. But I always reflect back to you know, some of the great players from what where I've experienced And I even went to college on

a basketball scholarship. I was a walk on the soccer team, and everybody's path is so unique and allow and then try to have that conversation we talked about that lot in the book is like you have you early you know, right on at the gate, you know you can tell the athletes, and then you have your late bloomers, and you know you don't know which whereich direction your child is gonna go in. So just allow them to be

themselves and just sit back and and enjoy it. But sometimes you do have to encourage your child, to push your child to do something and bout dr keen and I, you know, make sure that we let our children know like you choose, but you have to do something like it's not gonna be sitting in the house and doing nothing like you will choose something and if you need to help, we need to help along who can't choose Xbox Like hey, mom and dad, Xbox Fashion, Xbox Player,

you know, and just like you know, having fun with it because right now it is some tense sometimes there tous in. I'm sure you don't know what the top up of how many elite teams, I mean town teams have changed their name to the elite team to attract that kind of thing, because parents are you know, it's answering the question am I doing enough? Okay, I put my child on an elite team, but what does it mean? Who's training your child? And what are they getting out

of it? And doesn't necessarily mean the more you spend doesn't mean the better experience you're going to have and the letting And that's something we talk about and educate parents.

It's it's not the label, it's not the money. It's just who you're putting your child into and who's the coach and trusting that process because that's where the emotion really does play into their fact is like when you see your kids failing, you see your kid making mistakes and that you get anxious, and then you want to blame it on the reff you want to blame it on the coach, you want to blame it on other

athletes on the field. And it's like, I think it comes deep rooted from not really trusting the process of allowing your kids to develop and grow. You just want them always to succeed, and that's that's not part of reality. You know, in the expectation that we have for our children, we always got to kick up, kick out of like is the parent getting up for the game more? And we get a kick out of it. We've been there too. Obviously, we all get emotional about sports and then especially when

you're child's involved. But it is something to look at, like am I more involved in this loss emotionally than my child is? And my child's ten and what does this really mean? And what's happening with me? I went to to touch on that point. I went to these good friend of ours, um their oldest son is ten years old, so he had a youth football youth football game last fall, so I went, you know, we're really close with them. He's like a nephew to me. I want to go to support them. It's like their first

playoff game. And while I'm watching the game, like there's kind of some stir. I like to stand away, So I just watched the game and not get caught up on what parents are doing. And I hear the stir and I start going over their long story short there was someone from the other team on their sideline videotaping like signals or the like video taping the sideline so he could like report to the other side kind of

what they're doing. I'm like, these kids are ten years old and there's like a spygate issue going on, Like what is this world coming to their ten? What are you trying to win? Like what what is going on? What is a grown man sitting there? And like grown man came up with this idea, Hey, go over there, record their stuff and let us know what they're doing. I couldn't I couldn't even fathom, like what was going on.

I don't know if there's a trend, but what I see personally, my my ten year old soccer games are more emotional and can get a little bit more hectic than the sixteen year old. And maybe it's that by then figured out figured it out like it's okay. If there didn't fall off sides, the game will go on. It's not about us anymore, right, just you found another hobby or something. I mean, like to your point though, it's like what kind of role models are these coaches

being for these athletes? Because those kids look over that they're sponges, you know, like I've experienced that through my own children and traveling with the US team, and they just we're very lucky to be around so many female, like powerful role models that they were like taking things that were they're positive away and like using it into their world today. And I just look at you know, when you have a coach that is maybe altering you know,

maybe the guidelines to win. You know, like it's kind of teaching our kids the wrong message, and you know they should be working on the fundamentals, the skill sets, you know, even the mental side. I'd rather than even

encourage them to you know, persevere. So those tough times and the losses are maybe playing up against a bigger, bigger athlete and how to overcome that or you know, those are the things that you know, coaches should be inspiring their kids to kind of get through those moments rather than filming you know, plays and sending the wrong message. It's insane. And you have two daughters, right, Christie, Yes,

do they play soccer one place. They both play one place that like a competitive level, that loves it, and my younger one just plays at a non competitive competitive level, just loves to have loves down the armed slices at halftime. Social part of it, I like, I love it. You know, do they have they voiced any kind of pressure because

of who you are and everything. Yeah, that was a part of the reason that I started talking to Dr King about this, because you know, I'm on the field a lot as youth coach, and I have parents getting crazy if they beat you know, an Olympic athlete that's reaching against our team, as well as my you know, my child, like who you know, who's her kid? Which number is she? And then you know the things that parents would actually say in the words they use, you know,

towards my child. So I used to you know, people would ask me like, which one is your kid? And I used to change the number up. You know, I would tell my daughter that I'm like, oh, I think you're number nine today. I don't worry don't stress because there's so much added pressure. Like just be you, you know, like you have way more advantaged, Like you're so much you have a better skill set than I ever did at your age. Just go with it, be like who you want to be, don't be your mom, you know.

And but that's I had to have those early conversations way too young with her, and she should have been able to just have fun and be a kid and express herself on the field, but she had all these outside distraction and voices that were interfering with who she should have been. Dr Christine, what were you just mentioned

to her about? Well, I wanted her to tell you the great story about the parent who walked up throughout the game and heard this was I think at this point eight or nine years old, and said, you know, I just you know, this just has to be a pretty good team. Did you know that Christy Rampone's daughter

actually plays on this team? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, we were like no, really really like, yeah, that's my daughter with that ar sliceszing parents get like again so caught up in like the wow, in the emotion that you're like, just their kids, don't forget that like their their kids and they have feelings and just know about like your words means something. So like when you go out there and say that, like understand like you are, you know, changing somebody's um true love for the game by just

throwing these nasty words out. And you know, I'm blessed and lucky that my child still playing sports from what everything that she's heard along the way. That definitely exhibits some resiliency and your daughter being able to kind of take on that pressure as much as you're trying to, you know, kind of filter all that, but she's still able to play this, play that sport that you played

and kind of keep trucking. So that's awesome. Dr Christine, with your scientific and educational background around all of this, like sports psychology, how do you interact with your kids? Like do you find yourself getting too technical with things around them or you're like, Okay, I just need to back off for a second and let my kid be a kid. If I tried technical with them, they would never listen to a word I said. I mean, I'm certainly hyper vigilant about it, especially after this journey with

Christine writing that used to be a crazy parent. After this journey just being able to like, like, we come off a game. Christie's my daughter's coach who plays with her older daughter, and I would be so excited, like what what did Christi ram Bones say about this game? Because the first thing to get in the car or what she's saying. But sometimes she didn't want to talk about the game. She needed time to cool down, chill out.

And we talked about that in the book a lot about giving your kids time to heal from the field, having some space because in that moment you're emotional, they're emotional, and you need that that time to you know, cool down, chill out, and then you can talk rationally. But so many times, I know your kids are young, but you'll see you'll leave the game and you can see the car ride home, parents yelling, kids tuning out. You know, all that happens, and it's really a great time that

car ride home too. You know, you can have a really positive experience because clearly the parents care about the game, and that's your connectedness to your child. You know a lot of a lot of dads say they really relate to their kids through the sports. You know, that's when they're you know, talking the most to their son. You know that's like the conversation opener or something you know

for some parents. Um, but I think you were saying before, like when we were younger, our parents weren't there for a lot of the practices, or like like parents are now and now we see, Wow, this is really enjoyable. I had a whole socker social life. I love watching my kids play, and then I think that's where all this like kind of over involvement, um, you know comes

into play for sure. And I mean that gave me a different perspective just instantly, because I was that kid in the car and my dad would read me out, you know, nine percent of the time after games, What were you thinking, why did you do this? You know? And I would I'll just get upset and want to tune them out, and almost to the point where I didn't even want them to come to games because it's like, just leave me alone, like give me a second to breathe.

But I can also anticipate that excitement where I want to be like, hey, let's talk about even if it's good stuff, I want to be like hey, hey, you know, but I'm making a mental note right now being like okay, offer them be like Hey, whenever you're ready to talk about the game, let's talk about it. I want to hear about your feelings about what you saw it there or whatever. I'm always been the parents. I've never yelled

on the sideline. I've always kind of chilled out. I've known enough not to have that interaction with my kids. I don't ride them. Um. But then you know what Christy was saying then what I would get with her and we'd be alone, and I said, what happened there? What was this? But so I think that's been you know, I've kind of known through my travels like I'm I'm vigilant of what I'm saying because I know I'm planning scenes. So and then through this process of writing this book,

I learned even more about um. Like they're like, I tell a story of my daughter with a penalty kick, and you know she's a forward, so I thought, I'm cheering her on saying how many points you gotta score for me? But that's actually the last thing you want to be saying through forward before they you know, the best thing for me to say is love you a great game, and that's the end of it. So that's

like a change I made that way. Yeah, putting added pressure on your kid before they perform, you know, remembering what to say for sure. A buddy of mine we're talking about one day, and it's like, what else in life besides sports gives you that instant like adrenaline rush or like cheering, Like there's really nothing else in life that you're like, maybe can't read, maybe gambling right, like

you double down and you hit. But other than that, what in life gives you the instantaneous rush of feeling and emotion? So I can I make up that. I can see why parents get so involved because it's like even if they're never used to play sports, but now they're flesh and blood is doing it and they just get that intense and everything. It's like they've got nothing else, And like work isn't doing that for him, you know, money through Friday. It's like that's not doing it. Take

your four year old gambling right right. That's where I say, like, when you truly look at it, like your kids are, you're entertaining you, right because you live this like structure, like too, you're going to work, and work may not be the greatest thing, Like your outlet is to people watch your kids play, and then when it doesn't the picture isn't painted perfectly, then we get emotional because we're

like this is supposed to be our fun time. And that's like, you know, the whole premises of the book. Because even when dr he was talking about like after a game, like as a coach, like I love to use as a teaching moment, and parents get so annoyed that I keep the players like an extra ten minutes after the game, especially if they're lost, because like I want a chef to say to them now, like and

she you know, talk about that during the week. But those are all the points that like are fun for me as a coach to like make sure we like wrap up what we just what the game was. And those are the moments that I love the kids to get in the car too, and if they want to say, like this was our game plan and this is what we executed and have the parents were more engaging about that, like you know than their own individual childs, like you look,

you know the little tired out there. You showed no energy and you know, how come you're doing this and like questioning all that versus like kind of educating parents to be like yeah, like did the game plan work? Like what were you thinking out there? And like were you high pressing? Were you low pressing? And kind of educating their parents along the way about how the games changed so much because as you know, like the game keeps evolving year after year and com parents evolved with

the game. That's that's really that's actually really cool to know that after the game, like you can be helping the relationship between the parents and the kids because you're coaching them almost together, and like wrapping that up so the parent knows how to talk to their kid a little bit more instead of asking these questions that don't matter. Now, let me ask you in the opposite end of the spectrum. Okay, So I have a brother that's fourteen years younger than me,

and I remember going to his baseball games. I was like early in my NFL days. He was playing you know, like his first year kid pitch and it was like in my off season, and I remember coming to his games. I'm like hot, you know, early summer Saturday mornings at eight am, and it's like watching paint dry. I mean, especially the first year a kid bitch just like ball ball ball, strike out, Like everyone's walking everyone's striking out,

no one's hitting the ball. How do you as parents kind of mentally approached that when your kid is in that young infant stages of sports and you go to some of these these events and it is watching like it's like watching paint dry, and you're like, how do you kind of stay enthusiastic and excited for your kid when you're there You're not enjoying it yet your kids aren't entertaining you. Yet You're like in your head, you're like you feel bad. You're like, yeah, ring on the

side somewhere with the other parents. Well, first note to sell, do not play on your phone because it's that one time your kid looks over in your phone. My younger daughter reminding me of that early on, like mom, you know, and then she got to the point of always looking at me and I'd give her the thumbs up, like keep going, you know, like make sure that they're you're engaged.

But now those are parents, like we would say sports parenting is hard work, like and knowing that, especially at a young, boring youth game, like you definitely have to stay involved. You know, you have to know the score, make sure you know the score, and you know, chier human and but isn't it like if you're really there for what you're there for? I mean in an ideal world, right, it's really exciting when your kids really good, But if you're there to support your child, you think your emotions

would kind of look the same regardless. I mean, obviously sports is exciting when somebody's excelling, but you know, whether you're there for that t ball game, right, you're still

there for your child. So you would hope that there'd be some stability in how you, you know, saw these kids and how you you're proud of your kid where they're at the two so you're kind of pulling from that part of like why you're there, like really that's the big time as a parent or something like you know, as ir relative to see like do they actually really enjoy this too? Like it it's boring to you, Like are they really getting something out of it? Making sure

like they're not just bored? And your board and does it really align with what you really wanted doing? You know, the grand parents you look thrilled because they're in such a different place than all of us, so they're more in touch with that, like the like not getting caught up in the game and getting caught up in like this is this beautiful kid that I love so much

and I'm just watching them and have a childhood. So they're like more in touch with it than us, and we're like, we got ten other things to do today, Like you hit a home run, So when I could leave something like that on your Facebook posts? Okay, Now, this is the one of the biggest areas of contention for me personally, just my personal beliefs when it comes

to sports and kids and everything like that. With the whole thing about keeping score, okay when and like some of these youth sports there's no winners or losers, and then the whole trophy thing. Janna. I wish Janna was on here right now because my daughter, when we're living in l A. Still, she had a dance recital, right, and our daughter was the one that was like all the other kids were doing the routine. Our daughters like running circles, right, and the teacher has has having to

corral her back into her spot on stage. It was the cutest thing ever. We're so proud of her for going up there and doing it. And every kid got this little trophy with a spinning star on it. So we get home, I have the trophy. I was like, all right, honey, I'm just gonna throw this away. She was like wait, what, like, like why she loves it? I'm like, tomorrow she's gonna forget about this. I'm like,

why are we going to keep this? Because why like why can't us being proud of her, her being proud of herself be enough to show her that what she did was amazing. She doesn't need this little spinny star thing to show her that. So, from both y'all standpoints, I would love to hear how you feel about keeping score and then the whole trophy thing. Yeah, for me, the trophy thing is something that you have to earn, right, and then if it's always handed to you don't really

understand what an accomplishment really is, you know. So we're teaching them the wrong things at such yourn age. Just something is handed to you, you're never gonna know how to earn it, how to like work towards something, and they're always going to expect things handed to you. So we're sending the wrong message early on as parents, um

by just allowing them to win trophies. You know that for me is um no, No, Like I'm the same as you as I take that trophy and I kind of put it away because I'll take any star if you still yeah, um yeah. I mean that's from an athlete and knowing how hard it is to win, you know, an Olympic medal and stuff, and if we start setting up, you know, these early expectations for kids that they can't meet later in life, it's only gonna set them up

for failure, you know. So I agree with you encourage them and be appreciative of what they've earned or how they got there. But just handing it to them to me, is um is not helping them that in the long run. So I think in like the child development literature, you see support for both. So from you know, I agree with Christie. I think there's enough organic experiences in a child's life that it is important for them to experience

those successes. So if you keep putting your child, who's maybe an average soccer player on elite teams, they're not going to experience that. And it's it's good for them to get a trophy or win, So you really could you could set that up in more of an organic way, so you know you can they can feel that it's great to feel success. Um, they learn self efficacy that way.

So I think it's it's good to have those experiences, but then not in an artificial way like here's a trophy, No you lost, but no, you really want here's a trophy. Like how confusing is that? Right? And it could work towards something like a girl Scout badge. They actually, you know, so you really confine things. There's enough out there, there's enough ways, you know, for your child to succeed. Child has gifts that you know, maybe haven't developed it, they

might not be in the right activity. So that's what I would look for. So so you have that balance of both not artificial but more organic. Also equated to school too, like I love for the teachers to hand out the hundreds for good effort. I mean like it's the same if you look at in the like the same perspective. It's like, you gotta you gotta earn your

grades in school. And it's the same thing as I think in sports, as you gotta earn your way to to to winning and accomplishing you know, a scholarship or an award or certificate, like that's all that's all part of it. Now with the same thing with winning and losing in you know, because I feel like it's it's okay regardless of the kid's age, to to understand loss because that's part of life. Right. If if everyone just feels like we didn't keep score, then why are they

doing it? Right? It's like it's like age appropriate loss. And then again that gets back to like how involved emotionally are you in the game. So if you're flipping out about the laws and you have a six year old, that might not be commensurate, right, So you let them feel the loss, But then it's also okay, you have a hundred more games to play within the next couple of years. You know, you know you can move on from that loss. You know they're not playing the World

Cup at that moment. So I think it's like just the age appropriate losses that you notice as a parent that you know that that's commensurate with their level of understanding, but they need it to learn. As I saying, like the coaching, but my philosophy and coaches coaching, as you you train for fun, then you train to learn, then you train to compete, and then you train to win and the winning comes is the last piece because you want to start training to win when you're you know,

in the fourteen age group. So if you don't ever develop, the winning is going to be hard as you get older. If you go just for winning as a young youth athlete at eight, they're not gonna experience the development stage. And I would say, like winning is a byproductor that developed thing, right, So like it's a process and get there, And that's something that we tried to instill throughout this book.

Is like, you know, when you try to develop, sometimes it's gonna be tough to win, but you actually win because you're learning something throughout the game. You know. For example, the other day and my girls played a younger team, so I was working on low pressure and we tied, and every everyone's like, who you tied? You know, a team that was younger than you and maybe not is at a sting level, Like yeah, but we actually did win.

And the fact that we won and the fact that I taught them something, they digested it and then we need to use it or implement it in a game setting. And you know they'll be able to do that in adjust and a depth so that you know That's why I think it's important to align stuff with the right coaching staff to make sure that your child has developed in the growing what's your biggest thing, I make up

that the age of girls that you're coaching. That's probably again in my my personal opinion, is probably the age where you know you can get on them a little bit, right, So what's what's the thing for you as a coach that you'll get on your girls? Bet that will really like disappoint you, bother you that you'll have no issue being like, look, I'm piste off. Oh the count that

accountability piece is huge. The eye rolling, you know, when you get the teenage years where like you tell them something and it's you know, no matter who you are and what coaches you know, where have I've been, the eye rolling is a no doubt. It's like you pulled immediately off the field and you've got to cool down. But you know, just as simple as like showing up late for practice, you know, and using excuse my parents didn't wake me up, for my parents didn't get me

there in time. It's like no, no, no, Like you're responsible of your own actions, and that's huge as you get older, you know, all the emotion that you've show in a game, like you're responsible for that. So those those little moments are definitely moments that I make sure that there is a lesson at that at that time.

And I'm a very about immediate lessons. So if it happens, the players removed right away and then we have a discussion and then we implement it back, um, you know, through training, and they have to earn the way back on the field. But yeah, and every every week they have to earn. It doesn't matter how well they played in the last game, Like, you still gotta show to be consistent every day. And that's the accountable the piece kids need to learn because they're so used to parents

doing everything for them. The same thing is if they're late for practice, just text me goes a long way, you know, versus showing up late and like the shoulders going down and like the head coming into the like sorry, coach, Like you could easily solve that because I plan my practices on the numbers that are going to show up, and then you disrupt my practice by being late and not showing up and then having to stay hello to

everybody when you get there. You're an interruption, So like just let me know so that you can you know, I could tell that the team that you're on your way and that you're just gonna jump in and warm up on your own, but just holding the accountable for their actions. Dr Christine, I'm gonna start with you on this next question. It's you know, when kids are are young and like our daughter, Okay, she is competitive as competitive as jan and I and if she doesn't win,

she's pissed, I mean crying like I didn't win. So we're trying to like teach her to let her brother win sometimes or you know, other people are gonna win and when someone else wins, you just say good job, right,

So she's starting to come around on it. But Jane and I are were kind of torn at times because we're like do we want to like bring her off of that competitiveness and like humble her, or do we want to and you know, encourage it or it's like that kind of like where's like the neuroscience behind that kind of how we can handle it the best. So I would say to that that you want to let her have her or ocean let her emote now obviously if you see it going in a you know, a

full out tantrum or something. You want to model the right behavior, but respecting her emotion about it. Obviously, some kids are gonna be more upset about a loss than others, so you so you let her do that so she can handle her emotions and then you're gonna teach her ways to calm it down. So yes, I have that reaction, I'm excited about this, I'm upset about this, and then you're gonna model for her how we calm ourselves down and we move on and then we can talk about it.

So I'm like Cherson, We've we've talked about this several times. We we would not squash that or try to change it, because that's that's who they are, you know, So letting her do that and feel safe in expressing herself organically, you know, just her natural self. This is how she feels. But then you and your wife are her role models for and this is how I calm myself down, because

you're also teaching her emotional control. Because there's things called mirror neurons where when someone is upset, then our brain re acts and then we start mirroring them. And she's four, so it's probably not happening yet, but when they're sixteen, it's pretty crazy, so that everybody's yelling, so you want to be aware of that, like how am I miling?

Like yeah, that was upsetting. And then so teaching you know those ways like maybe you need to take a walk, maybe you need to take a break from thinking about it, maybe you need to journal it, or you're not doing that at before. But um, but the way you react to it, and you're teaching her how to self soothed after she's really upset, that's that's what. Yeah, it says from a coaching aspect, it's the hardest thing to pull from kids. So I wouldn't want to take it away

from her. At four she's competitive, Let her be competitive. But when I say to those athletes is like how you feel when you lose is how most people feel every day if you were competitive and you're beating them. So you gotta respect like their emotions, So try to

like hold back and not get so excited. Maybe when you're constantly, you know, beating your brother, you know, and you don't want to necessarily let him win, but understand and like how he feels when he loses and he's not very happy and upset, and just you know, you don't want to pull too much on that competitive edge that she has, but just making her aware of other people's feelings, and then when she feels that loss, that's

the time. That's the teaching moment right there, Like she at your one year old saying in your face, that's happening to teach. Different take take that. I don't care if you're one. I still wants like the locker room celebratings in her bedroom. Yeah exactly, Yeah, go upstairs and celebrate the game. I love it. And I could talk to you ladies all day because I just love talking about this whole stuff. And my thing is, like I feel like you probably got this question a lot, Christie.

What do you want to coach? Do you want to coach? And obviously you're coaching now, and people ask me that, I'm like, yeah, but I would never coach anything past high school, so eventually I want to. I want to start coaching my kids. I want to coach high school.

I'm scared of parents today because I'm just old fashioned, and so I'm you know, I'm kind of anxious for those days because I don't know if I'll be able to handle it as politically correct as you know, people expect you to so for you personally, how have you kind of dealt with that as an obstacle as a

coach with parents today. Yeah, just honestly, it's having those that open communication on your your outcome goal for your team and like the process that your your thoughts in the process that you're gonna try to instill to get them there with the parents early on, you know, whether it's a team that's going to be rotating playing time and if it's not, you have to make sure that's clear to the parents before saying, like you're gonna earn this, you know, And some of my teams out that way.

It's like they have to earn their planning time and if they are strong with their playing time, they have to come to me. I don't want to hear from you, you know, making the older players be accountable and making sure that you're clear with the parents on that, like, I don't want to hear from you. It's their time to be responsible, accountable and the younger ones, depending on

what level that are at. You know, you can still earn your playing time at a younger age, but as long as the parents know what they're setting themselves up for. It's so much easier because if you're honest up front right away, it makes the journey so much easier because I've made mistakes where I haven't really addressed the group

as a whole of like what my plan was. And it's hard because when you're trying to develop and put a lot of skill set into the technique behind the game, losses do come and when parents just want to win, it doesn't align with them. So we kind of butt heads and it's just like it's okay, you're you know, move your child onto a different team then because it doesn't align with what I wanted to teach because I want them to be able to understand the game as

well and be able to play. Dr Christine, as a former crazy parent, how what what would help you like as the parent? Just so when I am the parent of you know, of of of my kids and they have coaches and everything, what would help you as the parent? Is it Christie's approach? Like what has helped you? So? One of one of my son's coaches when he was in high school, actually, uh at a breakfast with the parents, he said, if I hope I quote him correctly. He said,

you know, there's three roles. I'm the coach, there's the players, and there's the parents. And we have our team, we have our eight team players, and I'm the coach. So there's only one more role left and that's yours, and that's a supportive role. And he made it very clear from the beginning, Um, you're here to support. Do not come to me with questions about playing time. If that's a you know, a question you have, that's for your son to address with me. And then he made the

channel of communication clear. So you have a concern, start with the assistant coach. You can email me the good old twenty four hour rule. Don't communicate with me until twenty four hours after a game. So he laid that out and then it was just very clear where he stood. You know, he was a high school coach, so he was able to do that. Um, we propose for travel teams creating a mission statement where collectively parents get together with the coach coach lays out this is this isn't deal,

this is the team. And you can also address issues like are we the team that yells on the sidelines? Are we the team that yells at the refs because I've I've myself gotten upset at games because I have other parents yelling at reps, and I think it makes the game unsafe because now if you're if you've upset a ref, now the refs aren't making the same calls. Now they're emotional, and then it can be unsafe for

the kids. So when you when you can all get on the same page, because we do so much prep like training, you know, all this money into getting ready for a season, but then rarely do we get together and communicate like what does this look like? Like we're all stakeholders in it, and we can't pretend that parents aren't a big part of it because parents do so

much to make all of that happen. So I think it's a matter of the coaches setting up like these are my boundaries, these are my guidelines, and then let's talk about what this team looks like, like are we equal playing time team or we earn your playing time team? And you know, just addressing those issues because when it's when it's out there, I think ahead of the time, you really clear this up, you know, And I think it it comes parents to to to know because they're

not wondering. You know, that's brilliant. I hope everyone really listens back to that, because that's that's fantastic. And again, that's something I'm gonna make a mental note of as a parent, as a coach, and even if I have to be the one as a parent to kind of set that up. I mean, that's definitely something if everyone's on the same page, and like you said, everyone's a stake older that's never heard it describe that way and articulate that way. So thank you for that. That was amazing.

And before I let you guys go, what's one thing each that you really hope the readers of this book kind of take from it? I think the overall one of the overall messages is just being comfortable with that uncomfortable, you know, because sports put you in those environments where you do feel uncomfortable, and just be aware of your motions and your intentions, you know, And and there's so much more to sports than just winning. Yes, we all want to win, but there's so much more that we

get out of it. For me, I'd say, like, enjoy the journey, enjoy the process, trust the process, Trust the process. I mean That's that's what it is. It's a journey, and I think there's so many pressures and and it's you know, childhood is quick, it's speedy. You can get swept up. So I mean that's why we name the book be all In as a reminder to be present there, you know, to be all in, all spheares, mindful of what's going on and not just kind of like swept up.

Because as I have a child right now in college for the first year, everybody says that it's so cliche, goes so fast, but sure, it really does go so fast. So to enjoy all those moments and instead of looking ahead all the time, so like what's next, what's next, and just being president at that boring teaball game. Thank you Christie and Dr Christine so much. This was an awesome interview. I really appreciate and enjoy talking to y'all.

Where can our listeners find this book and purchase it? Yeah, right now, it's on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Target, Walmart, and we have a website called be all In book dot Com that will start to update after people start reading the books to keep it current and the current times of sports. I think when I whenever I do become a coach, I'm going to hand one of these out to each parent and be like, hey, this is

this is my mission statement. Here you go homework. Take this home and read it and then come talk to me. Thank you Christie and Dr Christine so much for coming on. We really appreciate it. Thank you Michael for having us. Of course, thank you. Nice to meet you. Well. I hope all of you enjoyed that. UM. I wish Jana would have been able to to stay with us and

be a part of that. UM. But I just really think you guys have heard me on here before talk about how passionately I am about you know, kids and their influence in sports and kind of the mentality behind all of that. So I'm definitely gonna get the this book and read it again. It's called Be All In by Christie Rampone and Dr Christine Keane. Go go get it, take a list, and educate yourself before you become that crazy parent on the sideline, because we gotta remember it's

about our kids, you know. So this was this was a really cool experience to talk to them. So Jenna will be back next week and uh, we'll keep on winding down later guys,