Office Happy Hour with Kate Flannery

doing stuff, doing stuff. We painted them the office, we painted the barroom. Speaking of the office, we have Kate Flannery on today, who is buried in the hit sitcom The Office, which is probably my top two, probably my number one actually of all times to your second one side felt that's up there. Yeah, what's number two? But that's sitcoms. But then you have shows like you know, what's number two, probably Signild, what What's on? What's Teetering on? Three?

Then Caribbean Enthusiasm, which is all this is all like the same kind of stuff, yeah, which and then you have you know, shows like The Wire yet Dexter, you got Game of Thrones, you got all that kind of stuff. But anyways, um, I'm I'm really excited to talk to her because I know her from Dancing with Stars. Hey, were you guys in the same season? No, she was

just on this last season. Yeah. Um. But you know, I've never watched an episode of the Office, so I feel like this podcast should just be like it's the Mic and Cake Show featuring Jana I. I don't know. I just I love um Steve carl I feel like I need to see I think the problem was I would You'd be watching it and I would just come in and see a few seconds of it, and you'd be like laughing, and I would look at and go, that's funny. I don't understand. You gotta understand. You gotta

understand the characters, the stories. But I but I like love Seinfeld. I feel like you can watch Seinfeld and laugh at anything. Well, the Office is the same way if you have seen it before. So like Comedy Central always has the Office in rotation like constantly, so I could turn on that at any moment. It could be any episode. I don't know exactly what's going on, and I'll laugh like I would like I did the first time.

That's awesome. See. Maybe because I really love Kate, and I'm excited to talk to her, especially because I heard that she while she was filming The Office, she was a waitress. Still, like, I love that. I just think that's so cool. I wonder if was it a dream or was I wanting to do a waitress job last year? Did I dream that? Definitely didn't tell me that. See, I miss waitressing, like I would still do it right now. I would for fun. I mean, if I have kids,

I probably would. I enjoy it. I love waitressing until you didn't and then you quit. No, I love it. I would do it, I seriously, I think if I could. I just I don't know. I love being able to help people and making their experience great for sure. But maybe it's so crazy. But maybe I had a dream about that. But I had a dream that I was applying somewhere for waitressing shop. I swear, what kind of restaurant would you waitress? It's a good question because I've

done all of them. I've done Joe's Crap Chat, I've done Fridays, I've done Applebee's, I've done Greek Island. I've done you know, I've literally done every but the only ones I haven't done were the real highst like the upper like the one we went to a love in Park, Matt whatever, Madison Park. I don't think I would want to do that kind of restaurant. I was just gonna say, you know, you couldn't. I couldn't. It's too stuffy. Well and would you like you Kevin, Like I couldn't even

take it serious? You shoot from the hip too much. Where if you went to a restaurant like that, next thing, you know you back, don't get that because that's just can disgusting, like that's how you'd beat I mean, I'm just really honest, Like when people came to the wood Ranch girl and uh what in l A when I used to waitress there, and yes it's a one by the grove. And funny story, I was stealing toilet paper

before COVID nineteen. Me and Diana were so poor in our electricity went off and we were stealing paper toilet paper from wood Ranch because we didn't I wouldn't have enough money to buy like toilet paper. Um. But then I booked night and then I quit, Gee what you gotta do? Um? But yeah, no, anyways, but no, I would have to be It would have to be a chill place like that, and I wouldn't want to go

back to. I didn't like being a bar girl. I hated that because I'm not the bar chick there, like here's a shot and I'm like, yeah, babe, and then I like throw it away. Anyways, Well, I do feel I have a lot of empathy for those people in that profession right now because of everything going on, and that must that must really suck. And I hope, you know, they're able to find some work somewhere and and everything. And I hope people that have lost their jobs are

able to do something to take care of themselves. And you know, I seldom do I read comments, or do we read comments about this podcast or anything really that we post, but I saw one recently when we were talking about the quarantine sen and someone was kind of going off on us about, uh, we're being insensitive or something about giving people crap being out and about wait,

we were insensitive about what we were. You know, we were just second being insensitive about people, you know, being out in public, and we're like, stay at home, don't go out. But just like anything, you have to take it with. It's all in context. You have to take it with a grain of salt. We're not saying everyone should stay in their house and not leave at all.

We understand people have to make a living, you know, we are if you're an essential worker and you have to or you have to make a living, you have to make the money. You know. We're not saying people that everyone should stay home, and I'm not I'm not trying to defend what we're saying. I'm just trying to make it clear just so people put it in perspective that, yes, we we appreciate the fact that we've been blessing. We're in a fortunate situation where we can work from um

um and we're doing okay right now. But we totally understand the grind of if you have to work, you have to work. If you have to make money, you have to make money. You gotta do what you gotta do to provide for yourself and your family and stay safe. So if you've got to leave the house, do it.

But it's all about what we're talking about. Are there's people that we hear about or see that are out and goofing around or maybe they don't have to be out, or you know, abusing the system right now because they are naive about the situation. That's all we're saying. I just think again, just everything's got to be taken into the right perspective. And now I'm reading comments downloaded a month ago and cannot get through even one episode due to how vapid and shallow jan it was. I'm sorry.

Do you think that it's like mean tweets? You know, so toxic? Oh well, it's all, It's all good. Everyone can have their opinions. I just I just don't want people are actual fans listening to this if they are in that situation. I didn't want them to be felt like I selated from from what we're saying. I didn't

want them to take it the incorrect way. I don't care the person that wrote the comment, who gives it, but yeah, so people that care about the show and that we care about So I'm sorry, I have to say almost zanex quen Mike said, Janna thrives in chaos. Seriously, Janna can't even function on a daily basis unless she's medicated. What or she freaks out, wines, cries, and flat out has panic attacks if she thinks the wind is blowing in the wrong direction. She thrives on zanex more like it. Um,

I don't take zanex. So wow, that's kind of funny because it's just so ridiculous. People are crazy, I know whatever, um it is what it is. I feel like the ones people I do listen they are getting something out of it. Yeah, it's either the train wreck you love to listen to or oh that's why you look at reviews almost for anything, and it's either five stars or one star. Like there's very seldom are people because this is like anything right subjective. People can have their opinion.

It's I'm sure there's some episodes where people who are even a fan of the show are kind of like, it wasn't my favorite one, but hopefully the next week or the week before was great for them. But most of the time, this is just like a movie. It's just like a you know, music genre. It's just like anything you like, what you like, and if it's in the middle of that, people aren't gonna or if you just listen to one episode like someone goes, you know,

Janna left at Mike for not hustling. It's like we're we crack on each other, you know. But anyways, um, I feel like at the end of the day. Hopefully we're helping people too with some of our situations. We we air our dirty laundry to help other people. M hm. You know, although the other day though, in therapy, it's not great to have therapy sessions in quarantine. Yeah, it's hard when you're on zoom and there's a way out. Yeah, we're having therapy last week and I thought it was

a great therapy session. There was ten minutes and you know, it was like a therapist was like, so, what are ways that y'all can connect together? And how that got us into an argument? Shocking um, But you know, within those two minutes and Mike gets up, gets up and storms out, and and the therapist is like, this is why I hate doing these kind of sessions because now you're just stuck in the house and what do you say, Is he coming back? You're like nope, Yeah, He's like,

is he gonna come back? I was like, now he's done, He's done, And he goes, well, how is this gonna How is this going to resolve? I was like, well, one or two things. He's either gonna be in a hole the rest of the day and you know, puff his chest out and whatever or hell, apologize for being defensive and then we'll talk it out. And it was the ladder. I know, it was kind of cool, super cool, but yeah, I was like, but no, he's done and I'm gonna go now and gray, but I went for it.

Came back from a walk and I even said to my girlfriends, I was like, up here it is. It's either going to be good and rest of the day. We're a bad rest of the day. Did they text you and ask you later? Um? Now, I mean you were like out with the kids and playing so killing the game, riding the scooter. But yeah, all right, well let's take a break and we'll come back and warm things up for to have Kate Flannery on. So what was your favorite episode of Office before we get her on?

Because I just want to get some Office knowledge. You can't there's not one anyone will say. When season nine, when Dwight and Angela are going to get married, it's like the one of the last episodes of the whole series, is she married in it? No? No, she's a train wreck, alcoholic. It's like two kids. I think, drives a minivan. She's an animal. She's awesome. So Anyways, this episode at the end is when Michael Scott comes back and at the perfect timing he pulls out of That's what she said,

with like tears in his eyes. And it's just like that when you were crying on the plane that Yeah, actually no, I think that was when he married Holly. I look over, I was like, are you crying? That the best watching the office telling you man, you get invested. Let me ask you this because I was thinking this before the break because someone asked Kate this as well. But when someone's on a show, such a popular show

that has this following, that's just timeless. As you were two on One Tree Hill and how big that still is. Do you ever get tired talking about it? Really? Because it's the show that made you the golf forever. Be so grateful for One Tree Hill. And I love meeting New Tree Hill or fans. I love it. I'll talk to them blue in the face about One Tree Hill. I love it. It's good to know because I feel bad, you know now being in this kind of position we

interview people and have those discussions. It's you and I have both know what it's like to be on the receiving end and get the same questions about certain things and just have to talk about it until you're blue in the face. But it's good. It's refreshing to know that when it comes to something like that career wise, that you have that appreciation and respect for that. Now

here's the the other side of it. If I was on a show that I was actually the entire like I was only blessed, I mean not blessed, like I only did three seasons. So if I did nine seasons of it, or if I did, I mean, let's say I was. I mean, for example, are our buddy Bob Sagett, you know Danny Tanner, I mean Heenan said he's not sick of talking about tree, I mean a full house.

But at the same time, if you're type cast and they were all that is what it would that's where it would get hard because it's like they only see him or you know, for quite a long time as Danny Tanner, Like that's why, um, what's his face? Uncle Jesse wanted to do anything but Uncle Jesse, and he started to do like these really dark dramas and murder because he just wanted to be so out of it.

But no one believed that, you know, So I think that is the only that's but I feel like people like Steve Carrell don't have that issue because they're already so yeah, but I think even someone like Steve Carrell, who yes, we see now how first he is in his ability to act, but at the beginning, it was all comedic stuff. It was isn't like Michael Shannon too, which were we just watching with Waco Who's wasn't he

comedy to not really know? Um? But you know, he was four year old virgin and those kind of an anchorman and all that kind of stuff. He was like the sidekick, funny random guy, um the Office. I mean, he took that over, but still it's mostly comedy. And you know, but now you see him on things with uh the Morning show him. No, I'm saying he before he was just kind of this side part like co star, but he was the star of the office and like owned it, like took it over as and like delivered

every day. Um. But yeah, no, that's refreshing to know.

And I but even when we talked to Bob before, you know, he even said he went through a transition where he was sick of it, sick of being known as as Danny Tanner and like always being like you said, type casted in that and then he kind of later on realized and appreciated it all over again, especially because of all these streaming services and gainey new fans like you said you are you're talking to new Tree Hillers, and the fact that there's teenagers that are becoming true

Tree Hill fans right now because of streaming services is amazing. Yeah, for sure, interesting, But yeah, I wonder, I don't know. I'm excited and I'm excited. Talked her too. She she's one of seven children, which means she's a hustler um, and yeah, I'm excited to get her on to take one my break before we have her colin, let's do it, Okay, all right to rive Katey, Hey good, how are you? Oh my gosh, I just want to can I start? I loved watching you and dancing with the stars. Thank you?

So you're so sweet. Oh my gosh. I literally just got a text from Pasha, my partner. He's not he's in um Staten Island with this with his wife and family. So yeah, yeah, I mean you did. I I was just because Michael is like the biggest office fan that

has ever lived. Um and and I you know, I I love you from Dancing with the Stars, and I was just like you were not only um, you you were just how do I say it, Like you were beautiful but yet you were relatable and you but yet you were funny like you were you had all of it together and just like an amazing package. Like I one thousand percent, I think you should have won. Like you were amazing and you were relatable, and I just I loved watching you like you made me happy every

time you danced. So that's so I really appreciate that I was. It was a really unexpected process for me. I didn't expect to enjoy it as much. I didn't like the judging. But other than that, you know, I didn't I didn't like that part either. Geta balls, you know, sorry, I get a little meretith when I talk about the judges. But like, you know, you know, I know me and me and Julianne went at it like one time, but you know it happens because it's just like you put

so much work into it. It's like you know, you're not a dancer, but you sure as heck fuled me and I thought I loved it. So I had a great teacher. Seriously, Pasha is a great teacher, and I thought he was a great addition to the show. And I actually did. I did a bunch of the tour. I just got off the road with the Dancing with the Stars tour, which is crazy. I did um forty three shows. I supposed to do fifty four but we got pulled off early. But it was intense, I gotta

tell you, I literally, I mean it's a lot. We were you know, we played Radio City and gosh, that's so cool. You're on Rocket rollbus. I mean I got the bedroom, so I felt a little twanky, but it was so tough. You got the star room in the back, and like if you call it that, yes, all the beer cans came rolling back to my I love all right, Michael go you know, first of all, I mean, I

have a million questions, but I'll start slow. I was asking Janna this because Jenna was on a on a TV show that ran for a long time, One Tree Hill, and has this cult following and stuff, and obviously the office does. And always wonder if people who have had the level of success on the singular show like you have.

Do you ever get tired talking about it? I don't you know why I had such It was such a great experience, and I feel like the love that people have for it is so intense and like they're so invested that I don't. I mean, I always wondered, like, what's I mean? And maybe it's just luck. But the writing was so amazing that even if I didn't speak for days when we were shooting, I didn't care. It was hysterical, like it was so smart, and I just felt like, you know, I'm just so proud of it.

I love that people are like consuming it, like they're breathing it is sleeping and breathing it like they can't turn it off. But it's crazy. I heard a rumor you were still waitressing during the show first season. Yeah. I kept my restaurant job because I wasn't sure if it was going to get picked up. We had all season, just six episodes for the first season, so I literally

covered my shift store in the weekend. I worked my said they runched, Oh my gosh, and it started air and and one customer said to me, excuse me, did you just get a HYS direct to me? And I was like, what, what the hell? No, actually, no, no, actually I messed it up. They said, aren't you lactose intolerant and I said, uh, well, thanks, yes, and thanks for not bringing up my hys directed me that the Alliance it's so weird. I mean, you know, it's so crazy.

Oh my gosh, but yeah, it was. It was so so strong, and then like you know, and then it clearly became clear that the show was going to move forward and ever since, like Steve, you know, Steve came out with forty year old Virgin. The signs were up before we started season two and I was like, oh, this could be really big, so you know, and then when when that came out, it was like everyone just you know, wanted more because Steve is such a He's amazing.

He's really I mean, I feel like we wrote on his coattails in such a great way for such a long time. Yes and no, at the same as a fan, I just yeah, I mean Steve was amazing. I mean, he carried such a heavy load on that show and just delivered every time. But I think to your point, the writing was so great where I felt like they equally included everyone in that cast from you to Kevin too. I mean, everybody like had their storylines. You knew so

much about every character where they wrote it in. It was just like, and you know, Jane was making fun of me. Were later in the seasons, I'm like, we're traveling, I'm like crying to the office. She's like, what in this a comedy? While you cry? I was like, you don't know the whole backstory and it's just everywhere else. So there's so much hard I thought. The Jim Pan thing was always like, especially in the beginning, was so heartbreaking.

It would make me upset. As we were in the writer's room, like just reading, like you know, reading each episode, doing the table read. I'll be like, no, I'd be so bummed when they'd almost get together. They're like, you know, it was just so painful. Do you have I mean, I'm sure you have a million any specific memory from that show that you're like, this was just that special day or that special episode for you personally. Well, you know,

it's funny. I feel like Michael's last Dundees were amazing for a number of reasons because that was the Walk of Shame when Diego and Michael Scott come to Meredith's house. She's coming in for the night before. That was the first and the only time we got to see nervous House. So I just love the whole exchange. I thought it was just I just like the whole less is more thing.

And I love that they never gave up on that, because sometimes when seasons continue with shows, characters sort of morph and they kind of start talking too much and they get some of the exposition and they sort of lose what was funny about them. I love that the writers never ruined Meredith. They didn't, you know what I mean. I don't know, even if I had like a lot to do in one episode, like Lis or something, I still felt like, Okay, that's okay, that's enough, Okay, we

can we can go back. You know, I never because I know a lot of actors, like they like to count lines and they get a little insecure. And I was nervous at first, but only because I thought I was going to get fired when when like if my storyline got cut. But then I realized, like I realized there was this great chess game going on, and just let them, you know, let the writers, let the producers play this game like they're doing a great job. Don't mess it up by being an actor with a complaint,

for sure. But when I appreciate your performance is because the yeah, the writers can write all this good stuff. I feel like you're The physical comedy you brought to your character was very underrated. And you know in scenes like when you're being dragged into rehab from Dwight, putting the back of your head with the bat like everything,

it's just like your mannerisms. That was why the writing was funny, is because you made it funny through your delivery and the physical nature of your Because sometimes my lines will get cut because basically they would say, like, well, your face sort of said what your line was, And I was like, I get that. You know, we don't need the words. If you sort of see my expression, you kind of get it right. You know, it's funny.

Um There's the other scenes that I really really loved were um uh when when um uh Michael Scott proposed to Holly and then the sprinklers went off because he lived too many It was so great to be a part of, Like I just felt like, oh my gosh, that whole like the departure of Michael Scott was so emotional for all of us, and me in particular, and my boyfriend. I met my boyfriend on the show of the Office, and he because he's the still photographer for NBC, so he was working time to time, so like he

would be in the fake men's room a lot. That's where I'd meet him. Like, yeah, so he was in the fake men's room the whole time when Holly's coming through and we have the can't like we're lined up before she goes like my head and hit sees. So it was just something great to share. It was really awesome. Absolutely, what are your parents saying now, because I know they didn't want you to be an actress, so are they? My mom wasn't a real big honest, this is the thing.

I wanted to be a child stars. They were like, Um, that's not gonna happen. My dad on a bar is like okay, whatever. Um, but you know, I think at one point, I think about a year before because I was forty years when I got the Office, so I had been guest starring. I've done a lot of Broadway. I was a second city. I mean, I had some minor successes that like told me I was doing the right thing, but um, I felt like a year before,

maybe six months before I got the office. My dad actually said to me, because he was the most importive, he was sort of like, are you sure you don't want to do something else. I was like, oh my god. Like if he's saying like, oh no, I like this is getting bad. Um. But yeah, I think at first they were sort of like we watched the whole thing and you barely talked, you know, me talk, you know. And then after a while they kind of bought on.

But that was okay. So I would just not to take the call from Philadelphia which was three hours earlier, because sometimes I wouldn't know what God edited out or and so I'm like, Okay, I don't want to get upset about what's in around. I know, I know there's something bigger here, so you just have to sort of

trust the process. I had to trust the process, like I don't know a lot of what was it for you that's kind of stayed in it too, because I know, I mean I sometimes I think about your aunt too, you know, And I mean for me, I'm like, who knows if I'll ever book anything ever again. So it's and you kind of like well maybe, okay, what else can I do? So what what was it for you? They were like, no, like this is this is it?

And well, I think I remember like nine eleven, I was waiting tables in Beverly Hills at the same restaurant was um And we started the office in two thousand four, so it was three years before that, and I was doing my comedy act, The Lampshades, was doing it every week and and auditioning and sometimes getting some you know parts here and there. I thought, you know, if this

is it, this is all this is. I think I'm okay with this, Like if I could go with that, because nine eleven was like very reflective, you know, for I don't know, I just feel like a lot of people made really interesting decisions at that time. I feel like a lot of people got divorced that time or whatever, change jobs. But I was like, okay, I could live with that. I could really live with that. So I think that was just like I just got more and more tenacious and just kind of did everything I could.

I love that, and you almost didn't. You're like, okay, like this is this is good, Like I'm able to do things here, and you didn't put that pressure like I'm a failure because I feel like that's where I know, that's where I go a lot where I'm like, it's just Hallmark or whatever, and I'm constantly saying that, and it's like, but it's still work, and it's still you're still acting. It's still you're still doing but it's like it's not that like dream job that you think it is.

But I love kind of that outlook to say, no, that's that's still great and you're doing anything Hallmark because I did a Hallmark Christmas movie probably like was it two thousand ten or something like ten years ago, And I remember there was this great actor that was in UM in the cast. He had like he had one uh he did movies and stuff. His name is Edward Herman. He played like FDR and a TV movie in the seventies. It was like a big deal. But anyway, he was

like a legit dude, like he did. I think he was in UM Oh my god, Oh what is it? Oh my god, I'm thinking that. I'm trying to think of the movie that was about the water Gate. Anyway, he's been He was in a lot of like very early seventies movies, like really legit, dude. And I said to him, Oh my god, I'm having such a hard time because I feel like I don't believe myself. This is,

you know, not the way I talked. And he said, listen, he goes, you wanna you're you're if we're presenting cheese, you want to make the cheese delicious something like, you want to make it really appetizing. It's sort of like get out of your own way. Like basically what he said to me was like stopping so full of whatever you think that you're supposed to be doing. And just because I'll be honest with you, there's so many people

I know that live on the Hallmark movies. They live on that channel, and I feel like, who am I to think that. I mean, I'm lucky to be in their homes, you know, on their TVs. I mean, I just really feel like there's a humility factor that kicks in and and you know, everybody has to listen to their own voice. But it's also like good over yourself. Yeah, very true. I mean that's hard with any kind of

entertainment profession, whether it's acting, music, professional athletics. It's like we all have experienced that where you reach a certain level and it still feels like it's not enough, right, Like you think about how many young actresses would die to be in a Hallmark movie or die to being a commercial, or how many college kids would love to be on the team when I was on and it's but it's any award winning or that Netflix show, and you're like, I'm still not good enough to get there, right.

It's just finding finding that balance between being you know, happy with where you're at, but not but not complacent. You know it's well, And I think the secret to is like, you know, everybody uh wants to get what they want, but do you really want what you get? You have to really make peace with that. What is it? What do they say comparison is the thief of joy for sure and a fortune cookie, but it's so truly it's all your joy. And I just feel like, oh my god, if you can just shut like put the

blinders on, like she asked. That was something I actually learned on you have to go the stars, like, don't compare yourself to other people person in that competition. For most of the competition, I was all the other been one of their twenties and I'm like, I remember getting like two high scores two weeks in a row, and like they kind of give me a little shade in the ladieshop, and I'm like, what, like, just work harder,

what's wrong with you? You know, that's amazing, but it's also just like again, like you just gotta keep your eyes on your own paper, and it's hard. It's hard,

and you know, and whatever whatever you know. I mean, if if it means you need to get off your butt and stop waiting for other people to get your work, and maybe you need to create your own stuff, you know, I mean whatever that means, because I feel like I do a lot of stage stuff just because I hate waiting for the phone to ring, right, Yeah, for sure.

And it's just about hustling too. Was there any with with a cast in the office, with that many kind of people who all impacted the show so greatly, was there any kind of natural contention of like, man, you know, there's been a few weeks in the row, Angela has gotten a little bit more, Meredith has gotten a little bit more. You know, I feel like we were because we all start to kind of us on, you know,

kind of unknowns, all of the unknowns pretty much. That really wasn't I feel like we were pretty much rooting for people, you know. I also feel like Steve said us such a great tone because things were happening for him. I mean, he had not started movies before this, and I feel like if he's not acting like a jerk like then no one else really, So I feel like he set the tone. That's cool. The douchebag factor really

low on the show, which was great. Did you have to take do a lot of takes with a lot of these scenes, because I mean, I watch again as a fan, I'm like, there's no way in hell I could keep it straight faced, Like how the hell do you do that? But in that kind of show, are you me? But you also ruin up for other people like you were on the take laughing, and also like you have to you guys are like let's go. I

want to get home. Stop laughing. It's so true. And I also feel like, also you're part of the funny if you can keep it together for sure, like like you know, then you're then you're in it it. So you just have to, you know, do And sometimes I'm like I'm gonna drama, I'm gonna drama. I'm gonna drama, Like I kind of things to myself, like what I

can't even imagine. Um, Kate, can you tell us about, um what you're doing right now, because um, you're helping COVID nineteen raising some money right yes, Amaze is this amazing organization that, um they're connected to the variety of Boys and Girls clubs of Los Angeles and they you know, they're basically trying to keep the kids that go to the boys and girls clubs like they are. They go

for exercise, but they also go for food. They get fed there, and you know, all those things are closed right now, so we need to figure out how to feed these kids. So what we're doing is we're asking people to donate, and um, we're uh gonna pick some people from the people who donate, um to have a virtual coffee date with creed Oscar plays jan and mea plays Manredeth. So it's gonna be that's awesome. So I feel like if that's not incentive, I mean, um, yeah,

what is I mean? But also just the incidive of the kids, like come on, like we're I know, everybody's having a lot of weird issues right now. Financially actually all that stuff. But I'll bet you have food in your stomach. You know, I bet you've got a roof over your head and you're not you know. I mean, it's just I don't know, it's just a little perspective, perspective and people can go to Amy's dot com dot com slash the office. Um yeah, and it's uh, you know,

it's easy. You don't have to give a lot. Really, I mean a little bit. I said, if everyone just gives a dollar, like, imagine how much money can be raised. That's that's actually that's right. I mean it's crazy. So yeah, I mean maybe that one thing you're going to buy on Amazon that you don't really need, right, Okay, thank you so so much for taking time out of your day to be with us. Go call your boyfriend back and we appreciate your time. Appreciate so much, Kate. You

guys are awesome. Take care of Kate. Oh, I forgot to show my dundee. Oh that's so great. I don't know what this is, but I'm sure he'll fill me in. I'll feel you in. This makes my heart warm a dundee. Yeah, I'll tell you. I'll feel you in don't mind my pretty wife. Okay, we're awesome. Thank you, thank you. Oh my goodness, I love her. You have to, I think, sorry like you, but you didn't say something like she was she's Oh my goodness, she was awesome. I just

have to make a little asterix though, too. I love Hallmark, Okay. I would like to be the new Laurie Loughlin for sure. So that was just like back in the day. I used to be like, oh, because you know, I see people on things that I'm like, well, I mean, anybody wants to be you on the billboard going down sunset and you know, but I'm I'm happy to be a Hallmark girl. You love the Hallmark. I love the Hallmark Channel. I love life. Great to you, they love you, love them.

But she's amazing, so much fun. I just want to sit down and have coffee with her, for sure. But she reminds me of your aunt a little bit. Yeah, because your aunts in the Second City. It's just like that, like you know, and she worked her butt off and she got her you know, she got her break. I love. I just love that so much. All right, um, let's take a break and then let's read some email. Do you want to read an email? Bib did you really want me to read the email? Which one do you

want me to read? Do you? Uh? Carly? Carly? Okay? No, no, Anonymous, I'm sorry, Anonymous. I mean Carly needs to be heard too, Okay. Quarantined and no therapy. I've been with my husband for thirteen years, married for seven. We have three kids together. Are two boys are twelve, up in six, and our girl is eighteen months. Just three weeks ago, my husband confessed to me that he was shoot um. Just three weeks ago, my husband confessed to me that he was

unfaithful to me twice over ten years ago. He says it was just a one time thing, and he's a great man who I know made very poor choices. So I gave him one condition, we have to go to couples therapy. Now with the quarantine, we've not been able to go to therapy or speak to anyone. Now that the kids are home and my husband is working from home. He sleeps in the guest bedroom when I asked him um to. But sometimes that is not enough. Some days are good, others not so much. I have hoped for us,

but we need help and it's hard to get it. Now, what are some other ways we can work on our marriage without therapy? Right now? You know it's so hard about that. It's like it's twofold. First is like I love that he told her, Like what a gift that like he gave her because she doesn't have to find out, Like she didn't have to find out. She didn't have,

you know, to discover it. So like at shows right there that he must have just been guilt ridden with all this guilt and that you know, he just couldn't live with that anymore. So you want to tell her. And I think that's great that he did that. However, now she's in that place where it's all been a lie. Mhm. How could he have said these things to me? How

could he have done these things? Oh? I bet? Okay, So ten years ago when we were having our one kid and you know, when we went to this or we went to this birthday party, that was a lie, and like this was a lie because of one incident makes it all a lie for us. And that's what's just so like devastating because it's almost like in my mind and I this is probably the worst thing ever I could ever say. But if it was one time.

I want to be like, I don't even want to know because I don't want my past to feel like a lie. But then like, but then it is a lie, because that's a lie that you're like keeping from me. So it's such a weird. Yeah, I was just gonna ask you. And this isn't me believing that this is the what should have happened, or this isn't me saying this is what I do. This is just me kind of playing devil's advocate just for the topic of conversation.

And when it's something that happened that long ago, like you said, he must have been just eaten away by this um over time. I still want to know. No, no, no, for sure, But if you look at it from a big picture, like stand away from it, you're like, okay, say he hasn't done anything in over ten years and they have these three kids in its great life. It's also I can see how difficult it is to get to the point to say something when you're like, man,

I don't want to hurt this person's it's it's so tough. Ultimately, you can never go wrong telling the truth, bottom line, And I can never go wrong, and I think at the end of the day, that is always the right thing to do, is to tell the truth because no matter what, if that person, like that person is living with that lie in that shame and for them, that's

so important to tell and to like let that go. Now, obviously the it's going to end up hurting the spouse or the partner, and that's unfortunate, but this, you know, it's very unfair, and it's it's all those things. But that is, at the end of the day, the right thing to do. And even though I say I don't want to, like even if it's one time, I do. Yeah,

it's a it's a do, but don't. And I think of it like insects in the city, when Steve cheated on Miranda, Um, it was just that and like in Carrious like it was just that one time, you know, and I feel like, yes, it was just that one time. But Steve, look how upset he was, like he couldn't have that lie and obviously like he had to let that go. So I don't know. I I would say, like it ways to help them. I mean, it's it's

so hard not kind of being in that space. What I would say and what I've learned is that even though maybe to you and I'm not saying that you're doing this, I'm just making this up, saying that you might be thinking those memories are alive, but those memories are still your memories, so whatever. So like, for example, I used to say to Mike, all the time, you took away my first year of marriage, my first yeah, first year of marriage and are walking down the aisle,

so that must have not been real. So the marriage wasn't real, you know, Jolie's birth, all that stuff, being pregnant. So I let him take those memories from me. And my therapist kept saying to me, no, you were present there, that doesn't that's not for him. He can't take those memories from you. But I held I let him have that power to take that memory because I'm like, well he wasn't present, and she's like, but were you? Were

you present? Those memories are still real. Your relationship memory might be taken, but your memory of those things can still be real. And also to you know guys, and I'm not saying just guys, but like women too, when when you're in that relationship, I knew I've done this too. I can like you guys said, um, you can, and I, like I said, I've done this too where I have um compartmentalized it. So maybe he was present, but like, how do you how do you say that? Because I'm

like you, you you were and you weren't. Really You're a version of your one version was present. Yeah, I mean, I can see how one lie can go over, can bleed over into other memories. But ultimately, you know, I was still present at our wedding and still there and the same thing with our daughter. And I know it's hard to believe that because of things that had gone on or we're going on, but I'll still there in present. Um, you know my thing, I guess for any kind of uh,

I don't know advice. Again, we're not professionals, but early on what did help us once we discovered it was the fantos check in and just to have for when you're in this kind of environment around each other so much where passiveness could be so easy, and getting angry with each other and getting short and defensive with each other, having it the nightly check in, especially at this vulnerable time, just to speak on your feelings, affirm each other, express needs,

and own anything you need to own for that day and just do you want to go through that again just in case if someone has missed that, Yeah, if if if anyone out there has missed that. And for anonymous, you express your feelings to each other. You can just state your feelings and you can do a brief description why you're feeling that way. I'm feeling angry, I'm feeling hurt, I'm feeling sad, I'm feeling happy, I'm feeling whatever it

may be, you affirm your partner affirmed them. It could be something as simple as, hey, I appreciate you cooking dinner, clean up the kitchen, to hey, I appreciate you not getting defensive when I expressed my feelings earlier today or

when I was kind of acting mean towards you. You didn't, you know, retaliate um needs you express your needs of you know, around things coming up or in that day or in that moment, or say hey, I really need you to be more empathetic and you know, and maybe apologize again or and then you know, own own anything any anything that you did, and just being on the receiving end of things to hear, you know, especially early on when Janna would sit there and do these check

ins and own something from that day or recently of Hey, ultimately, I am sorry for being mean towards you, or being past ever being aggressive and reacting in a negative place around being hurt. Like just receiving her owning that motivated me more to be empathetic. So that's the only thing I could really say in this time, with no therapy and around each other so much, just over communicate those

feelings so it becomes a more natural thing. Yeah, I love it, and I'm sorry that y'all are in that space. But I love the fact that you guys are willing to fight through it because I think if two people can well, we believe that if two people um work together, you can get through it. All Right, Babe, I think that's it. I think that's it. Um, you're ready to go kill the parent game. By the way, can we talk about can we do like the next episode? Do

um like a mommy dad episode? Just talk like all kids. Let's do it, Okay, alright, bye guys,