Swind Down with Janet Kramer did I'm Heart Radio podcast?
So apparently I've been walking around with strap for about a month and a half.
I didn't know that was dangerous to do that.
I didn't know you could do that. I thought it would be debilitating.
Well it has been.
Did I not cry on the plane back from la And she looked over to me.
I was like, I'm in so much pain.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Just why wouldn't you get checked when it hurts for that long?
Would you like to see my calendar mark you the doctor? I? Okay, so, but that's that's what can So that's what like also confuses me. So it's like a mystery. It's a mystery, like a deep lucy.
Anyways, you can take it. It's so good.
So I I mean, I'm not by the way, it's like all Champagne problems. But at the same time, I had no idea that it's the moral of the story is don't wait for your health get checked. Yeah, right, right, So about like a month and a half ago, I was complaining to her, I'm like, my my lymph notes hurt. So I was just chalking it up to drainage, allergies, whatever. Fighting off something right.
Allergies is always the great excuse to not go get checked out. Oh it's just allergies.
I'm fine, Yeah, totally.
And I'm like, it's like the allergy season, you know, it's fall break, Like this is what this is, this is what it is, this is this is what it is. So yeah, went through that, and and then it kept getting worse. But I just kept popping Advil, like and I got to like eight hundred milligrams every four hours of Adville, so like, I probably.
Have an ulcer now.
I might want to watch that.
But I was like, but I just honestly, I just I've I've been like, you know, a lot going on. And then but then one of the nights I couldn't sleep. I was like it was in my ear. So I was laying down and I'm like, I gotta get this checked. So I go to this walking clinic and I was telling her how long my lymph notes has been hurting and she's like, oh, that's very scary. She's like you need to go get an ultra sound. And I was like,
I was like why. She's like, well, you could have cancer. Oh, And I was like I'm sorry, I'm about to bord a plane to Ireland, and this is the information that you're giving me right now, Like can we start with like strep or like some kind of do.
You have other symptoms beyond intense.
Sore throat so it's not it's okay. So like I've had a sore throat before, it wasn't a sore throat, like it was like just my glands, but when I would swallow, I'd feel it like in my lymph notes right, okay, yeah, so but that was it, I mean again and be the big of a fever. I'm like, oh, I don't know, I've been taking so much advil that I couldn't tell you if.
I might maybe probably.
Your body's age, yeah, like probably, so you know.
And I'm like and I've been tired and stuff and so cut to So she's like, you know, you should actually go to your doctor.
I'm like, well, I have to board a plane to Ireland. So I end up. I'm like, I was like, I'll see it, And how many times is I delaying the doctor? When I was even with you? After I kept I was like, you have to mean to.
Go and I was like, I'm sure it's fine, like it's sure, it's fine. So anyways, go to Ireland blah blah blah, then go to Wilmington and then and then have a few days here go to La. But when I was in La, I was just like, I mean it it like it was so bad where I again at the plane, I just started crying because I didn't but I didn't know if it was like I'm I guess I'm in a lot of pain, and like the
advil was then not doing anything anymore. And but also like I think my body was just like you're at the end of your travel now and now you're just going to completely shut down. So I I land and I'm like I have to go. So I have to somehow get Jason in time to pick him up, and then I have to get Joeli in time for bus stop. And I'm like, but I have to go to a walking clinic because I'm like, my I don't know what's going I'm dying. I don't know, like what's going on
with me. I'm in a lot of pain. I just and then so I email the doctor. I was like, can you just write me a pain prescription medicine for something? And she's like, no, like, we can't do that.
No, sorry, it works?
Why and this is how why not? She was because you can't just mask pain with something, and I was like, yes you can. It's called alcohol.
You don't do that.
I don't, which is why I didn't drink. You don't drink when you have exactly I don't drink because I don't want to ask anything. So I was like, please, like, just give me a perk. And I'm like, okay, maybe I've got some percose to give me some like oxy or something like that. I'm like, I think I got some left over from my boobs. But I was like, no, well I'll get checked out. And she's like, well see if you have She's like you might have mono. She's like,
you might have some strap. I'm like, I don't have strip like I have it had strap since fifth grade, like or I don't even like this is like not strap.
I know because I know.
So So anyways, I'm thinking of all those things, like how am I going to go from here to there? So I text Pamela and I'm like, hey, can you pick up Jolie when you pick up Harlow?
She's like absolutely, I got you.
Cool.
Well there's an hour wait at the walking clinic, and she's like on my ass about you, and like the fucking proof it's their ful.
Yeah.
So I'm like, Catherine, it's an hour way and so, and mind you, I didn't pack any snacks for Jase while I was there, so it's now past his dinner time and I've got a screaming kid. We're at the walk in clinic. I'm in so much pain. I'm like, just give me drugs, like it just gives me something.
I'm in pain.
So they take my blood, they do a strep test, everything else.
Those are not fun.
The strip test, yeah.
They're not.
If it's not a gonat want something that far back in my head?
Okay, hey oh wow, there we go.
That was that was That was a softball. It was a softball and it literally so anyways, I was like, cool, this is happening. Cut to I have strap, right, and she's like, yep, you have strap, blah blah blah. And then it comes to find out that my blood work so apparently I also had mono. So I've been walking around with Mono and then I got strap, so.
So you may not have been walking around with strap. This whole time entry.
No, I think the strap maybe probably just came. I don't know that my throat the last time. And she's like, your throat looks fine.
Well, it can look fine and still have strap, unfortunately. But my guess is you've had mono for a month and then since you were your immunity was, your immune system was like down here and you were traveling, then you got strapped.
Yeah, and also, you know, the.
Glory times of strap in your life are when you're a kid and when you have kids. I don't know if they gave you the strap, but when you have kids, you're gonna get SPA.
That's what I said. I said, I bet your kids. To check your kids.
Yeah, I mean maybe, I mean they're still they're still confide it's not I'm not really sure. But the moral of it was when I got back, I mean, I literally poor Pamelin. When I went to go pick up Jolie, I was Jase was screaming in the backseat of the car. I am bawling because I think my body was just physically just shutting down from all the travel, all the different Like.
I was like, She's like, how can I help you? I was like, I don't need your help, Like I'm fine, I've got it. She's like she was just like watching her, like have me drive away. She was like, I want to help you.
I was like, I don't need that.
You know what.
I just realized, Yeah, that you're text to me that said it's an hour weight was not just like letting me know that it was gonna be an hour weight. It was like your way of being like, I need help but afraid to say it.
Oh yeah.
I have the hardest time of asking for help. And I talked to my therapist today about it because I ended up. I ended up asking for help. But it's weird that I couldn't ask my friends for help because I'm just I don't know what it is like. I'm just like, I don't want to inconvenience.
Well, I think because when you're a mom and you have other moms, it's hard because you know they have other stuff too, or they have whatever, but you just gotta ask.
And then I felt really bad because I when I came in the house, Julie's like, are you okay? And then I just again like body just like shut down, and I was like, mommy doesn't feel good, and then she just gave me the sweetest hug that I'll just like never forget, how like sweet like and how how much EmPATH she she had, empathy she had, and and then I remember and then I went in the tub and then I bowled for like another hour, and then
I was good. I'm like, I just I think I think it was just a lot the last like month.
You like called me this morning, You're like, all right, ready to go. I was like, oh, I thought we were still gonna be but.
Like, nope, I'm on a moxicillin. I'm gonna keep on going. I told my therapist today, I was like she and she agreed with me. She's like, you you fight hard and you break hard.
And I was like, yep, spectacular. Oh my god, it was a dream.
Yeah.
We talked about it last week and it was just like such a dream like it was amazing.
Can I also just preface for everybody listening. She had lots of COVID tests during this time, so she wasn't walking around with COVID.
No.
I was wondering about that too, because.
Now I don't want people are thinking.
I know, it's really dry in La. So almost every day you wake up with a sort of with your mouth open, like, oh my god, COVID. It's so it's every tiny little symptom you're so afraid of.
Yeah yeah, but you had like what two or three COVID tests in that time.
I had a bunch.
Yeah.
Yeah, so I've had a bunch.
I want to make sure you don't you get hit up with that. Yeah.
Well, you know, so last week.
Catherine really got handed the uh kind of the end of the stick. So I figured it would be only fair if the favor was returned to me.
And we have.
A guest who was in the waiting room who has been married. How many times she's on her going on her fit, going on her with marriage, She's on TLC's addicted to marriage. So I am just excited to talk to her because I have no you just wait, I've just never I mean, I don't know what that's like to have a bunch of marriages, you know, no idea. So let's take a break and then bring her on. Hi, Amy, how are you Hi?
I have to start off by honestly, can I just say, like I this is everything to me right now. I've read your book, I listen to your podcast. I am I steel super, super blessed to be talking to you right now.
I have been.
You've been honestly played a role in getting through some serious issues I've had with feeling like I have nobody to talk to. None of my girlfriends have been through what I've been through. Nobody can relate to me. They're there for me, they support me. I have somebody to talk to, but the relatability factor has really been missing for me. So this is a big deal.
Wow, thank you.
I feel like I have I feel like I'm talking to someone who you know what I mean, and who has walked down a similar path as me. And I know you were talking to Claire the other day because, like I said, I listened to this podcast and I just thought that was such a beautiful thing that you have someone that can truly relate to you. And it sounds like you guys just connected on so many levels and can relate to each other on so many levels.
And so I'm excited that if something from good from the show comes for me putting myself out there and being vulnerable and being judged, like you just said, getting to just talk to you and talk to another female badass woman who's successful has her head on straight, is smart, is an amazing mother. But I'm not perfect. I do make mistakes and these are you know, this is where
Amy isn't the best, you know what I mean. I don't make the best decisions for myself when it comes to relationships, and I just and so many times, and so it's nice to talk to somebody who can relate to me and I can relate to So thank.
You well for I so appreciate you saying all that, and thank you and thank you for coming on too, and yeah, I hear you. I mean, it's it is. It's hard, and I say it with whenever I do talk about it, I mask my own shame around it with like laughing, you know, like even the beginning, like oh, we get to pay the favorite back like to me today,
like make it, you know, because ha ha ha. I've been married and it's like I think there's like a lot of like I'm not and I was just telling someone because you know, like I'm back in the dating world now and it's like I have to re explain to someone like why I've made these really poor decisions and what I've learned from it, and like also like here we go, is he going to judge me now because of the past decisions I've made or the trauma
or any of those things. And it's like, but when I do get judged, that's when the shame comes in. So now I'm trying to be like, you know what, if he does judge me, then I want to get to a place where I'm like and that. But instead of even getting to that place, I go, but you
know what, I wouldn't take any even back. I've learned so much about myself and I'm really freaking proud of myself because I'm here, and instead of staying in things that were either abusive or toxic or just really bad relationships, I've grown in each one. And again, would we have wanted to not be in any of those relationships, Yeah, but we can at least talk about it and hopefully help and guide other people that have been in those situations.
Yeah.
No, there's two sides to it, like you're saying, like one is I've carried around the shame with me for many, many years because my first marriage was at eighteen, right out of high school. My second one was by the time I was twenty one, So two of my four marriages were before I should have ever even been thinking about it, sure, you know, and like this is this
is not just a twenty five minute conversation. You know, are past and what we've been through and why we've made the decisions we've made, and you know, but I did. I got married two times before, right before I was twenty one, and then I waited another. It's like eight
years till the next one. But it's like I feel it's confusing because at times I feel super shameful and embarrassed, you know, because I feel like some people are going to say if they don't know me well enough, then they're going to judge me based off of that and say that that and assume that defines who I must be as a whole. And it's just not It's not just because I've made mistakes and relationships doesn't mean I suck at every other aspect of my life, you know,
because I don't. I love super hard. I'm like, and when I read your book, I'm telling I had this huge epiphany that changed me, Jana, Like you said, I've never heard the term before, but addicted to love like that Before you said that, I was always trying to figure out what is wrong with me? What's wrong with me? Like I am an amazing partner. I sacrifice and compromise and nurture and love so hard in my relationships, but none of them seem to work out ever, you know.
But when you said, you know you're the addicted to love, I was like, that's what I am. I love being in love. And that's not even just with a man. That's like my kids. I have three girls, Like I love my girls hard, you know, I love my girlfriend's hard, you know, just in different capacities. And I think one thing I've really learned, like out of the most recent divorce.
Was how long was that marriage?
For? That one was short? My second two were only eight months? In about ten months, you know, I mean. And again I went into all four of these marriages never wanting to get divorced. Like it wasn't like hey, I love having a wedding, or this is fun, or I want to be a princess or any of that crap. It was like, I really, I really thought I was in love, you know. And I and like you said, I want to really embrace being proud of being the kind of woman that someone can fall for quickly I've
never pressured anyone to ask me. I've never you know what I mean, I've never forced anything. It's always been supernatural and we both just kind of fall into it super fast, you know. And so I think one thing I've learned recently is two things. I can love a man in different capacities, right, so I can have different levels of love for a man. I used to think that when I would meet a man and we connect, it that means, you know, we're exclusive, we're together, and
I just dive in. And I'm a serial monogamist is kind of what I like to say too. I found that out about myself. I am a serial monogamist. Like I don't want to date around, I don't want to sleep around. You know, I met you, we connect, I'm going for this, like, let's see where this goes. And it would typically always end up in a committed relationship
and then marriage. And I just have learned that it's okay for me to meet a man and maybe he's just going to be love at a different level or a different capacity, and it doesn't have to be that just because I like him or he's funny or we're having a good time together or whatever that that means we have to get married, you know, Let's give it some time and see what level, what level, and what capacity he really should be at, Like does he really deserve the kind of love that you Amy gives, which
is not very common? And I'm super proud to say that it's not common the kind of love that I give, and so I'm really proud of that, and I'm really trying to learn to embrace the bye. That's why I've been married four times. I love super hard. I love to commit, you know, and I love to say yes when I feel like it feels right.
Have you noticed a common thread in any of your past marriages, like with the men?
Yes, one is I feel like that I attract men who are need me as much as they want me. I think like I feel like they're all and not saying that I don't that there's nothing wrong with me and I'm perfect, but you know what I mean, there's there's a kind of fixing that they all needed or we're looking for. So they were looking for a certain kind of love. I was looking for a certain kind of love and it was different. I don't need I'm a super happy person. I'm a healthy person. I'm big
into healthy lifestyle. You know. I work at a gym, so I live a very healthy lifestyle. I'm not I don't have an I want to say I don't have an addictive personality. But I did find out through you that I am addicted to love for sure, and it just felt good again. It just felt good to be able to kind of sort of put a label on it, I guess, you know, because not knowing was the worst, like thinking something's wrong with me, you know, And it's like, yeah,
addicted to love. I mean, if I was going to be addicted to anything, I would want it to be that, to be honest, you know, out of all the other things in life, it could be. I'm I'm grateful. That's that's the problem I have.
If you want it as long as it's serving, yeah, in a in a healthy you know, in a healthy manner, because there's the part of it where it's the unhealthy addiction to love or you're like, for me, it's like I want it so bad that I've chosen wrong because of because of my own childhood traumas and my own needs for having that platonic family and for having you know, now,
obviously that's that's gone. But you know, I I think there's something to be said about like the unhealthiness of like of it as well.
Yeah, and I think I agree with you, like I think we have this in common as well. My biological dad left when I was two, you know, so I have I'm sure I have daddy issues, you know. I mean, I wouldn't say it affects me in my daily life. But what's funny about that with me, though, that I think is a little different, is that each of these four marriages I did end them. I was the one
who wanted to end the marriage eventually. But I think that I even though a couple of them were short, there were there's two two that I oh in my engagement because I've been married four times plus an engagement that I broke off. There were three relationships that I thought so working hard almost. I mean, I woke up one morning after a couple of years of you know, going through some emotional abuse and things like that and sticking through it, is I think I'm actually scared to
abandon somebody like I was. You know, I remember, like I can replay times in my head when I was a little girl, like my parents getting divorced when I was two. My dad's supposed to come pick me up, you know what I mean. I have my little backpack packed and you play it like this little scene out of a movie, and he never shows up, you know
what I mean? And so you feel that I'm forty five years old and I still remember that moment when I was probably about three years old, that he just stopped, you know, wanting to be in my life and just never showed up literally, And so I I really I felt like, I don't want to do that to somebody, you know what I mean. I don't want to abandon somebody who has made a lot of mistakes. But they say they want to change, but then guess what, The
changes never happen, you know, the change never happens. I hear, you know, empty promises and you know, and lies that they won't do this to me again. They won't treat me like that again, they won't do that again. I want to change. I want to be a better man. And so how do you turn your back on someone who says that they want to be better? You know that they want to change. You know, I'm not that kind of a person. So I never gave up on
somebody until I literally physically almost cannot function anymore. That's how hard I really try to make it work, and it just never did for me.
Yeah, no, I mean I hear all of that. Where are you at now? Like are you? Are you dating anyone right now?
Gen is yeah, the guy that's and you know, and it'll be nice when all the episodisodes of air, and I can, you know, because the show is great, it's been an amazing I wanted it to be an opportunity for me to one be vulnerable like you can, right because it's been something that I've been so ashamed of for so long, you know. And so I really thought this came in front of me a few times and I was like, no, no, no, I don't I don't think it's I don't think that's going to be good
for me to do that emotionally. And then I thought, you know what, Amy like the one, you still don't one hundred percent know what your calling is. You've been you're a mom, you know, you've been a wife, but what is your calling? And and I really want to use this platform and this opportunity to do what you've done for me right, which is put yourself out there
and make yourself vulnerable. And when I felt so alone and like I had nobody to relate to, I was like, there's got to be other women out there that have been through what I've been through that feel like I feel alone because even though I would listen to you and read your book, I don't know you. You know what I mean. It wasn't like I had a girlfriend sitting next to me that understood what it was going through. So I just thought, at least if I can just
put myself out there, let other women know. Look, there's a handful of us out there that have been had a crazy life, a crazy life. I've lived a lot more than most women have in relationships, have been through a lot, you know, and I don't want it to be in vain or wasted time or you know, because yeah, I mean, in this little conversation, just the cliff Notes version is it's been a lot, super heavy.
I mean, I'd love to connect to off the podcast because I I remember having this conversation and it's always again now that I'm now that I'm single and dating in the dating world, and I remember, this is like the worst thing to say, but like I remember, one of the reasons why I didn't want to get divorced is because I was like, who would honestly want me after now three even though like in my mind I have been married once, like I always say, like you can't
count the when I was nineteen stupid went to see Elvis, knew the guy for two weeks, you know what I mean, Like that's stupid. And then the other guy I married for a week walked down the album. Was like, well, this is not right and I need to end this now. Like those weren't marriages. But in the guy that I was like telling the stories, He's like, well, on paper like it was, And I'm like yeah, but like yes, fine, you want to do like on paper? Yes, on paper
technically yes, but like how can you call those marriages? Yeah, you can't, like and I'm like, my last one, one thousand percent, I was married and we fought for seven fucking years, and like it ended, and I didn't want it to end. But you know, one of the reasons why that I didn't want to end it was because my ex and anyone else who I read in comments, it's like, oh my god, her third failed marriage and it's like and I shamefully take that on as my own.
And I'm like, well, you're right, like who would want me? Just like my ex would say and my you know whoever else that I would that I have dated before, that's like, oh your past, like you know you're are you crazy?
And like no, I haven't.
I just fucking made mistakes and I loved and I you know, I I'm like, I'm sick of making apologies for it. I'm sick of explaining it. I'm I'm like,
I'm tired. Love me now for who I am now, not for my past, Like I'm sick of like and I don't want to be like yeah, technically you're right, but I'm like no, I like and in my brain like fine, we want to be legal about it, fine, but like technically it's been one Like for me, I have had one marriage that is a marriage thing that I have worked for and tried and even if it wasn't, so be it.
Who cares? Like I've learned, I've grown.
I'm a different person than I was when I was nineteen and when I was twenty seven.
Like it's just but but it had to.
Have I'm like, fuck, I'm gonna have to have this conversation again where it's like this is who I was and I made you know, I've made mistakes, and like this is what I've learned. And I'm like, and I wait to see if I'm going to be judged.
So I know the last thing either one of us wants to do is go through what we've been through again. Yeah right, Okay. So one way to look at that, and one way I would look at it in the future personally too, is that this is such a good way to dodge another bullet. Janna like to tell someone like, don't you want to you want to meet someone that loves as hard as you do?
Right?
I just keep a man imagining being loved the way that I love. Keep imagining being loved the way that you love, and think about that. Like I will sit in bed or if I'm taking a shower or whatever, and I'm like dreaming about imagining being loved the way I love because I know I'm damn good at it. I love super hard and I'm so good to the person that I'm with. And so if you tell someone that and they judge you or look down on you or frown on you, good bye, see you later. Let
the door hit you on the way out. You know you dodged a bullet. You know you want someone who's been through some shit.
I hear you, but the person that's like and I don't know if you've done this too, but I like, for me, like a big part of my stuff is like I want to be chosen so and then when someone doesn't and I'm like, but let me show you why I'm so lovable and why I'm so good and how like how much I can give and then I get in. But it's like that's my that's the work that I've done, you know, with the dating recently, be
like okay, yep, you're right. My friends are always like stop like you like, don't you see like how much you're giving versus And it's like, okay, cause it's like we do.
We give a lot.
And yeah mostly.
Flags instead of like, but let me prove it to you.
I know, yeah, oh Redflox, Yeah so is Geno.
Do we think he's the one.
You're gonna have to have to wait me.
Yeah, I know.
I'm like this.
You don't understand. When I was about to cut when I heard that I was coming on your podcast. I was like, this is going to be so hard because I can't, like, I can't say everything I want to say.
So wait, you waited to tell Gino about your past marriages?
Correct?
Is that that's how I understand.
It and exactly why what Janna is saying, Like I just relate to her so much and I should know better, we should know better, Like I should be cool with just going yeah, I mean, guess what, I've been married four times. Sorry, I'm you know, sorry, I'm not sorry, but it is it is who I am. I love super hard, and you know, when someone asked me, I say yes, and I go with it. I go with what my heart's telling me to do. I don't think, I mean, love is not up here. It's here for me,
you know. And so I think with my heart and I act with my heart and I lead with my heart. But I wish, I wish I could have just said in the beginning, hey, you know, this is kind of going somewhere. So I feel like I should be honest with you because I'm also not a liar. I'm not like a dishonest, deceitful person. I'm a super like, very open person. I'm real and I don't mind having flaws, but for some reason that has always been such a hard thing for me to just come out and say
to anybody. You know, the only people that have really known up until me doing the show, it's been people who are close to me and who have been my friend. For those you know, because now what my first marriage was eighteen and then my last one I was thirty six, thirty six, thirty maybe thirty eight, But who have known me through those years know that I've been married that many times. I don't share it with people. It's not something that I was like, you're lucky.
You don't have any to say.
You're lucky, you don't have a Wikipedia pages. I'm always like, don't google me?
You always are you.
Ever tempted when dating to just like not say anything? But I mean, you don't have a choice, have a choice.
That's the thing.
Like I wish I couldn't like this last guy that I went out with, I'm like, you know, like, hey, can you just like can we just get to know each other like not online? Just because I'm like, I don't want that to be the first thing that he's like, oh wait what you know, because like that's not me, that's exactly past.
I know that in this first episode I'm going to get a lot of backlash for not saying anything. And I did see the trailer where Gino actually says, you know, that was such a blow to him.
You know, but doesn't he know the show's called Addicted to Marriage, Like so like yeah, like I'm sorry to.
Like what are you so you know again? We got we got to talk. Girls, we gotta talk.
No, I am like for real, like gonna text, Like we're getting numbers and we're texting because my girlfriends are I feel like, you like, we get each other because they're always like especially right now, like being single, They're like they have fun, have sex different people.
I'm like, I can't do that.
Like I'm like when I find my person, I'm in, you know, and I've I've dated, but like I'm like I'm done and then like yeah, yeah.
This one and love. I haven't loved and I haven't no, no, I know, but y'all love to love.
So it's like you want to you just want to dive in so quick, which is fine, but I haven't.
I just have not.
I haven't just juggled, Like that's the thing. I'm like, I like on to date a million guys.
Especially when sex is important to you. Thank you when having that sexual chemistry with someone like I'm a super sexual person, like same person, so oh honey, Like and I'm sure because you're you're hot gemus.
It's like Libra, okay, I'm Sagittarius.
Are you okay Libra? So so yeah, I would end up kind of sleeping with someone probably sooner than I should, you know, And I'm sorry, but same.
We have our talents, right, we have our talents.
Like I said, there's things I'm good at, there's things I'm not good at. So I feel like, yeah, like dating's tough because you almost want to know right away before you waste so much time connecting with someone, like, hey, is you know the sexual connection going to be there?
My hairstylist the other day goes, girl, you got to check under the hood before you purchase the car, And I was like, nay men, Tyler.
I know, I know I'm that and I'm telling you like, and I'm in my forties, I'm older than you, and I still like, I've tried so many times to say like no, you got to like switch the order of importance on a few things, and I don't know. I just can't.
My friend Christen Breast, because I was talking to so much, was ooh, it's opposite day.
I'm here for this opposite channel.
And I was like, okay, that's why it's a day.
I'm trying.
Cue any longer than that.
You're like, no, girl, Okay, well I'm going to get your number. What are you going to do with the comments? That's my kind of last question. And I'm asking like on social media because I mean, I let it affect me all the time. I mean, like when I go on those pages, I'm like, hey, man, like.
You know what, listen. I think that one thing that you and I have to accept is that when we love super hard and super deep, we're very very sensitive beings as well, you know, and you and I haven't been, you know, haven't in the past found our match when it comes to, you know, loving the way we love. But we're super sensitive, and so when we read that stuff, it matters, you know. I think I think there's two ways, two things that we need to remember. One is these
people don't know us. They don't know us, just like this show is going to be six episodes. People are going to see the first look on a triple stack ice cream cone of my life. Right, that's it. That's all they're going to get these six episodes when I have so much more to tell and say. You know that this show isn't even going to touch on or could even start to touch on. So I have to keep in mind that these people don't know me. You know,
they don't know me. And first of all, we're probably We're not the kind of people who are going to leave nasty comments on social media anyway. We're not negative people.
I just would like to talk to them, Like all my Reddit fans, I'll give you my number and let's talk.
You know what I mean.
We should get him over for a wine.
I would all love you, that's the thing. But we also the Amy's and I of the world. We want that approval right so badly because we really truly want to love and we will also want to be understood as.
Well, Yes, understood. And if someone if someone says something nasty about me, I want to know why.
Please tell me how I offended you, because I love you. I want to love you and be yeah.
Yes, amen. And you know what else, I hate I don't like when people say I don't care what anybody else thinks. I don't care.
I'm like mad love to be that person.
How you can't what you know? How do you not care what anybody else thinks of you? Like? I get living your truth and living the way that you see fits best for you, and you know what I mean, doing what makes you happy, Like I get that, But not caring what other people think period, I think is a bunch of crops, you know what I mean? I care, Like if I offended you where I hurt your feelings or we had mister communication, I.
Want to fix it for sure, and I was.
It does like the comments will and I've already read some that are super judgy just off of the trailer, so I can't imagine, you know, And I can say I won't read them, but that's not true. I'm human. I know.
I go on like my Reddit page like once a week.
I would say the best thing would be to try and not do that. I just would like, you're never going to know, but you're never going to be able to get to those people. Yeah, it's like it's not pos.
Yeah, and that's good too. It's like, hey, we have to say that, hey, if we're going to read this stuff, we have to accept it for what it is and learn how to brush it off, you know, and understand that You've got to be a strong and I know you are because I've been following your story. But you are a strong ass woman to get through what you've been through. And I'm telling you, ending a relationship, I think sometimes it's harder than staying in it, you know
what I mean? Ending it is harder than staying in it sometimes, And that's been my truth, and I know that it was for you because when you have babies involved in children involved with this person, you shared special intimate moments like childbirth and you know, loving these babies
together as a team, and that's a big deal. That is a big deal to have a child with someone and share that experience with another human being who's your husband, and to one day have to you're left with no choice but to say, I like, I'm breaking my family up, you know what I mean? That was like that was so devastating, like death. It was like I literally spent.
A day.
I had to have someone come pick up my daughter. Actually, I have to have someone can pick up my daughter when I made that decision in a relationship with you know where we had kids, and I took a whole day where for the first time in my life, actually felt suicidal for breaking up my family. You know, I had never felt that way in the marriage, like that, the hurt and the abuse that I'd gone through and all the sh that I'd been through, I never felt that way. I was always like, I know I can
come out of this. My closer calling off, but I know I can. I know I can come out of this. But when that decision was made and he moved out, you know, I had to allow myself to grieve, and I grieved so hard that I almost contemplated, if I don't have my family, what do I have? You know, if my family isn't intact, And I was like, you know what. It took me. It was like twenty four hours. And then I missed my daughter so much that I had to I had to ever come come back home. But you know, it is a.
Forstance for sharing that, but also to remember we still have our family. It just looks different, yes, it just looks and they still need us, you know.
Yeah, So I I didn't know I was going to go deep into that moment when I was going through it, but I would just My point was definitely to say that it's it's super hard to end a marriage, you know, and so you're you're very very strong in order to do that and make that decision that that takes a lot of strength. And so we can read these stupid comments and they're like nothing compared to what we've been through. Really, when it comes down to.
It, Amy, you have filled filled me up with a lot of strength because you're a very strong woman as well. And I'm going to be rooting for you on TLC's Addicted to Marriage, and I'm so excited to see what happens with you and Gino. And I'm going to text you on the side and you better tell me so. But you're the best, Amy, and I'll talk to you soon, Okay, I'll make sure we can.
Okay, Ladies, my girl, Oh my god, she's my new best friend. Sorry, Gather you go.
It's okay. You need someone like her, I do for sure, because you guys just don't get me.
Fascinating. I wonder if she ends up with Gina. I mean, hey, Elizabeth Taylor was married how many times?
Five?
I think five. Yeah, yeah, I mean j Lo she's like the queen, so it's right. As long as you don't have more than Jay Long, you're good to go.
I think we're tired.
I don't know.
That was actually laughing. I'm like, was that the shame laughing?
Or I know that makes me because like then I was like, oh I feel bad because we laugh about it.
No, but I mean you know you have to. Yeah, sometimes you just have to.
Hi, Mark, Hi, Liz Taylor was married eight times to seven men.
Eight seven men?
Interesting one woman?
No, d.
It's so funny. What about j Loo?
Larry King also eight times?
Let me look up to you five Jennifer Lopez just three.
Yeah, you'll want to try to think who's going to get married first? Mar or j That's a fun game.
Do you think I'll get married again?
Mm hmm you were hurt me? Oh yeah, I thought you meant. I was like, really, oh no, I definitely think, not a doubt. Already planning my dress. Where are we doing this wedding? I don't know how the man is, but we're there. We're going to be fighting for made of honor.
Yeah, you will have to. We'll see Mark wants you ain't get none, not yet.
Well, is there any update? My understanding is that we're back to square one.
We're in a square.
We are in a square.
What number square is to be determined.
We're in a square.
And when I have more information, I will tell you, but I think you will approve hands down.
Okay, Now I gotta be careful here because.
We don't want to edit a show.
You and I had a chit chat a couple of weeks ago off air.
Yes, is that guy still in the picture.
No, that's what That's why I thought, because that's what I was aware of. Yeah.
Yeah, I think what I've realized is like, if it's not something that, if it's not so I wrote that letter, you know, and I'm like, I'm just not going to not settle for anything that's not on that letter. And I started to realize that I didn't want to have to compromise things that were important to me. And also I think long distance would have been really hard as well. And yeah, so okay.
But there are still options in.
Play, options in play great, fantastic.
Well, I'm looking forward to hearing more about them when the time is right.
Thank you, Mark, and don't worry you will have the breaking news then and then then then, but stay on.
I'll tell you afterwards, okay, okay, great, Bye, bye guys, I'll see you next week.