Mental Health Checkup

he hates his voice. I love your voices. Anyone likes their voice, Thank you, jan It's very kind of you. You know, when I when I first started in a radio I was doing talk radio. I got a lot of complaints about people who didn't like my voice because I didn't sound I was doing news and I didn't sound authoritative. They said, interesting, Yeah, I've grown to ignore it. But yeah, I'm not a fan of my voice. But anyone actually likes her voice. But I think it's because

it sounds different than what you hear. Oh for sure. So I just think that of course they're not going to I don't know. Sometimes I cringe when I listened back to this podcast. Oh it's because I'm like, you sounded so like a little ultimate way to judge yourself, because go back and listen to yourself on a podcast. I know it's really hard for me to listen, but I listened because I remember such a great guest. And I'm like, why do I sound like? Or like why

did I say it like that? Like I'm like like when no wonder why people like written me? Apart it? Sometimes I'm like I sound just and then I'm I'm ripping myself apart. I'm like, I'm going to go and write it right now and myself apart. Two We're literally just like having a conversation, not thinking and like I'm not going to judge you for being stupid or whatever you say. Later it's like, oh man, we were just gonna talk in and now people are like what are

they talking about? Yeah, that's interesting you say that they didn't think you were authoritative? Like what I don't Okay. There was this one guy I went on a date with and he had a very well broadcaster speaking voice, and I was like, oh no, this isn't gonna work. I can't like it's it's everything was like so theatrical and uh and I'm like, what does that layer look like? When that's gone, and there was. I never saw that layer and I didn't even give it a second to

see because it was just too much, too much. I just can't. Um, you know that was that was a one and done um. But it's you know, it is very interesting and again the whole critical just beating ourselves up. I went and had this, UM, I actually want to get her on the show. I got hypnotized yesterday. Have you ever done that before? No? Oh my gosh, how was that? It was amazing? Like it was It's like

this deep, deep, deep meditative state. It's very strang It's like but like I have never felt so like I've meditated before, but this is like a whole different, like layer of meditation. I'm skeptical. Obviously so was I because I was just like, honestly, I didn't want to do it. But then I felt bad because'm like, well, it's like I have no excuse, the kids are not being we're doing quiet time, you know. I said, yes, so let's just let me just do it. And uh, I'm so

glad I did because she's awesome. I'm actually gonna I texted Amy and Danielle are producers right after I was like, we have to get her on, so we're gonna get her on and she's gonna do like this group thing. So you can be skeptical in that. But no, it was just because there's something about meditating, right where how do you meditate? M I try? No, Well, like when you and trust me, I get it. I have. I've consistently been the worst meditator in the world. I mean

I'm like, oh, what am I doing today? Or what? Yeah, but there's these few like three minutes six minute things even that what Amy does in the office, Did she ever do that with you? I don't think we in the office. I'm gonna have to have for you. It's great. She's like, you're not gonna like that, but no, like, once you really and then you go to your happy place, like my calm, peaceful place that I've created in my mind.

So whenever I get anxious, And this was a really good anxiety lesson for me when I was at on site. This is something that Jackie, my my therapist, did with me, and and she it's just I did it for what four straight days, and it was so amazing how much once I went through the even three or you know, three minute was like the shortest one in six minutes

was the other one. I I was just like okay, Like I was like baseline, like I'm good, like nothing really, I wasn't like all my like heightened anxiety or stresses or this. It's just all just like well that's good, but it's hard to do, Like how do you not think about anything? I don't see, but you can you invite it in okay, and you say I'm not right now, you know, Okay, Yeah, so immediately I get a thought and I'm like I wasn't supposed to be thinking. Well

that's the thing saying. I'm like, oh god, now I'm like and then now I'm thinking and then like I don't remember that part because I thought it's like okay, great, but you just you keep just you're training yourself to like go back to this balloon floating in the air or whatever it might be. But it was great. But the hYP hypnotizing piece, you go even like underneath that layer. So you're just like, I mean, I felt like I

was like melted in my chair. It was wild, y'all, we're going to have her on and then he had a parent. After that, I was like, look, I need do that hypnotized He didn't text me, fine, I don't care. Whatever I deserve better? Was this yesterday? Yes? Okay, Now our text that was part of it. She like hypnotized me and give how often can you do you should you? Well, she'll tell you, she'll tell you all those things. But yeah, because we're definitely gonna have her on. She's awesome, amazing.

But it was just funny because but it was more and I'm I'm gonna get to the point. Okay, I kind of went off, But the point was is I have such um and you know those too. I've passed out from it in times when I see a headline or I get hate or I mean, I my anxiety levels go so high that I'm trying to now stabilize that where I can look at it and go it's not going to make me hyperventilate to pass out. So or if I you know X, Y or Z so or if I I don't know, read anything, it's kind

of like, Okay, that's cool. They that sucks. They have that thought about me. But so it's about kind of going to that level and then just like you know, letting go of that energy. I mean, I can say the difference between you even just years ago and now with like panic attacks and anxiety from the outside looking in is tremendously different. I mean, I was thinking the other day about not even the plain story, which is my best anxiety story panic attack for you around. But

do you know what I remember? I wanted to know if you remember this. Oh God, there's been so many when I first started working with you, I will never fade it. No, no, no, no, no no. I was still at home. Oh the church, Nope. Oh I called you at a church. Remember I then drive. I was having a panic attack, and I made you come pick me up at the church on Concord and whatever. Every time I passed, I'm like an anxiety tack there, nod cat come pick me up. Because me and Branlely got

no fight. There's that one, dude. I'd forgot about that. No, I had not gone back to work. Emmy was still because we started working with Emmy was like five weeks old. I mean, I can picture myself in the bedroom dealing with this with the baby you bore. Think. I'm so sorry you were to go from somewhere to like a radio show and you wouldn't go in the airport Atlanta. I'm like, this is my first interaction with you, really, and I'm like, what the hell am I supposed to do?

I'll never forget it as long as I live. I was like, just walk in, Like I just just walk and just go. She didn't understand I was having such a bad anxiety. I just visited Brantley or we just started dating, and I was like, the Atlanta airport is very stressful. Fair it is, I mean it's so stressful. And I just yeah, I did the whole of getting in that one tram thing and then it's just so many people. And so I called her and I just I could feel my heart. I'm like, I'm gonna pass out.

And I was like, Catherine, I can't. I can't walk in the airport. Mind you not to laugh about it. I had truly not dealt with anxiety really with someone before you. So I'm over here trying to be like, you know, we just started working together. Front of the other. I'm like I'm calling everybody. I'm like, hey, like the radio rap, I'm like, should I'd not be walking? Like what do you mean? You just have her walk in

the airport? I'm like, I mean, I'm not there. I can't force her the next thing, I know, you're not going in the airport or driving back. I couldn't do it. I just I just I physically couldn't do it. I remember, Yeah, his brother had to drive me, and was I with the guitar player. I can't remember meeting everyone there and oh yeah, but yeah I had to drive because I didn't drive. I had someone driving me. But it was because I just I physically couldn't go in. But yeah, wow,

well yeah I thought about that was a blast. You've come a long way and I wouldn't even travel alone up until really since my divorce. Yeah, I mean, even if you had to, if I had to, But I remember I had a panic attack when I was It was actually the show that Easton was at UM when he sang it, which we totally put back up on Socialis the other day. Um, even Easton came on stage.

But I had a panic attack with Mike leaving, and I was like, I can't like and I was even with my band guys, but I just I didn't even want to fly then without him. I mean it was like, yeah, but if I had to, had to I wouldn't cancel a show, but I mean there were times when I'm like, can I cancel the show? But I was telling this hypnosis lady that my anxiety truly went away after my divorce. Now I still have bouts of it. I know i'd handle it now, but I mean the massive anxiety attacks

they have not so crazy. Yeah, I mean I've had like moments of like anxiety obviously that you saw, and yeah, but it's so different, so differently. And that's me coming from a person that doesn't even truly understand the difference between anxiety panic. I'm not trained on that, and it is just from what I see, it's so different. Yeah, you just brought up every story though. I was like, oh that one that No, the church, No, not that one either. Okay, Yeah, I took a good time. I

unloaded a lot of drama. I took a control and I yeah, I just I'm writing about that too because I know a lot of people deal with anxiety and it's not fun. And um, maybe we can even talk to our amazing doctor Christina about that. She's going to be coming on um the show. She's a licensed clinical psychologist, so I think i'd love to just ask her kind of that what she sees with people that leave certain situations.

And then because I think stress holds so much in your body when you're you know, I don't know, maybe that's just me. But because she deals with trauma, PTSC, substance abuse and addictions. So, um, we're gonna get her on the show. But before we do, Um gosh, that was such a memory down memory lane. Um. I want to talk about Dime. They are a sponsor of this podcast, so I get you know, we do products I do. I have different skincare regiments, but what regiments, regimens, regimens

or is it really regimens? And it's a It's great because Dime is by far the one that I've been most consistent with on a regular basis. It makes in other things, but Dime is Dime is awesome. I've gotten a lot of people on it. What I started with it was the hyaluronic acid serum u UM. I am so obsessed with hyaluronic acid serum because it's not only boost at hydrates, at locks and moisture. There's a lot

of benefits. Um. It's not just for dry skin, but it just gives you that extra kind of hydration and plump nous um. So I love that. I also want to talk about their wonder screen SPF thirty. I just have started wearing sunscreen, and so I've been testing a lot of them out and I love. It's a clean mineral sunscreen, so it's you you can use it for every day. Um. But it's SPF thirty, it's super lightweight, it's non greasy, non drying, like I love all of that.

And then I lashed boots syrium, so I have lashes on right now, just because you know, going in and out of working, it's just easier to have the lashes on. But I'll tell you what. The eyelashed boot serum grew my lashes so long during um COVID that I was just like, thank you, it's so good. Um, did you have them on for a while. It wouldn't come off for a long time. They made them longer and thicker and fuller. And so my routine that I do with Dime is I they had this cleansing phone, so I

love the cleansing phone. And then I washed my then and then after I washed my face, I put on the hyaluronic acid serum and then from there whether it's the day or night. But there's the dewey day cream and then there's the night time restorative cream. So I put that on. And they also got a great under eye. Um. But you know it's great too. About Dime is they have you always are like what lipstick color? Like? I love Johnny. I just bought a new one, Noah David

are the coolest colors? Like ones? Really? Johnny is really good for like spring, summer, fall. I mean they're like so good. And then Noah is like I wear that one pretty much throughout the entire year and they stay so good. Yeah. I love Johnny. It has like like a pinge of like orange on most in it. Yeah, I like Johnny Love. Do you to the TVT serum? Can you do that in the lauric acid? Oh yeah,

oh you just like layered up off. Okay, I'm just wondering, like I'm just doing this I'm supposed to because I don't know what I'm doing. Yeah yeah, yeah, but I just love all the serums. Know, the serums are great, The TVTS are good. Um, they actually have really good fragrances too. I mean all the products are really good. They're vegan it's a female on company, so she's great. She's um. You know, I'll support any working mom. Yeah.

I mean they're they're really good products. So I want to make sure you guys get um a percentage off. So when you guys try these products out, make sure you use my code wind down twenty off your entire order. And remember Dime also provides free shipping on orders over. If you haven't tried Dime Beauty yet, make sure you do. Hi, how are you? How are you guys? Oh? Good? If my phone doesn't in my backyard, you're so where are you located? Hi? S F Bay area backyard? Curty? Did

you say San Francisco? Yeah? I love San franc That sounds so nice right now now, I love San franc I just was recently. They're visiting a friend, and I like ran the pier and it was just so beautiful. Yeah, beautiful, And I honestly, I don't know. I was just like, oh man, it was. I ran all the way down to the bay, the Bay Bridge, and then I ran to the golden Golden gate bridge like by the little I mean, I was like, you know, I was very slow, but I did it, and it was so much fun um. Yeah.

I mean it's an active city. It's really chill weather, which is nice. Yeah, and you know, just for two million dollars you can have a shock, I mean for two So yeah, are you Are you from the Bay Area? Yeah, yeah, I'm from the East Coast when I was younger, but I've been out here since I was like, you know, middle school and haven't left, so I like it. It's hard to leave when you know, the weather's nice all year round and people are nice, and but it's kind

of ridiculous in terms of how expensive it is. That's yeah, I mean I can't. I can't well, I mean I lived out and lived out in l A. But now living here in Nashville, Yeah, it's kind of like I don't know how I could go. I know how I could, because there's so much to offer in California and there's so much culture and things you can do, but it's the money piece that always stops me too, because I'm like, how can Like, you know, you can have this, but then you go there and then you you don't. You

don't have to chop it into like quarters. But Nashville is being in the new California. I mean we can all agree, right because we all come in there. I know what I have to be. I'm like, okay, one more time, phone, come on. UM. A family in Franklin, and I was looking at houses and I was like, I mean, it's still better than California, but it's ridiculous. From when they moved there, they got like a mansion for like three hundred and now it's like, you know,

a million. Yeah, good luck finding a three d millar house anywhere near here. I don't think it. I don't think it exists anymore. So I was like, all right, maybe not Frankland right now. Well, we will welcome you with open arms. At church the other day, our pastor we were talking about moving and it's like, you know, how many people, how many people have, like you know, have moved to Nashville the last five years, and like everyone raises their hands and then they're like, how many

of you are from California? And they're like oh, they like I had all had their hands up, and I was just like, listen, I was here before, y'all. Okay, what you have to say that you have to say that I was before the movement. So we we were kind of having a conversation. I wanted to, um, bring

you in on it. So I was I was telling her that I had met with this one woman, and I was telling her how post divorce, I noticed my anxiety pretty much mess still have moments of anxiety, but that it pretty much the big you know, panic attacks, the mill of the night, that waking up the um you know, I'm even able to do certain things now

has it isn't there at all anymore? I mean, again, there's pieces and moments, right, but um, is there is there like a direct correlation with being in when you let go of something negative or I mean, what is the because I always thought anxiety was just tied to serotonin levels and with the chemicals in your brain and yeah, help, yes, yeah, I mean I'm hearing a few different things that play when I hear a specific shift around how our body

and our mind is holding anxiety. So sometimes we can look back and we can see, you know, in hindsight, wow, it makes sense that my anxiety was heightened in this

period of time. And so whatever that time is, whether it's you know, through a relationship, through a transition, through a hardship, through a work, you know, experience, whatever that is if we can look back and say, wow, my anxiety was really tired for you know, intrinsically to that situation, then we can say, hmm, I wonder if there's a relationship with that person, place, or thing that elevated that activated,

that made my anxiety so much more palpable. The other part is is what we know about anxiety now, and they just actually released the study. I don't know if anybody have seen it. Around um serotonin and dopamine and all the neuro transmitters in our brain might not be the full story that we thought it was. With anxiety, depression and this other method really a nature versus nurture.

Some of us, right are just genetically more prone to certain mental health struggles, panic, anxiety, depression, addiction, all of that we know historically has a stronger tie. But the other part is there's always going to be an environmental part that can activate something that already lies within us. So when you're speaking about divorce, we can make sense when we can look back and say, wow, that relationship activated me, triggered me, it really made me feel so

many things. Now that there's distance from that, I'm noticing a change. And then the next part would be how do I continue to nurture that change so that my anxiety levels can be at a much more manageable right space, so that life can be much more on your terms versus what I call anxieties terms. I mean, that only makes sense to me. I've always kind you know, that seems to be like the new stuff that's coming out, But I kind of thought that that's how it worked.

I guess, yeah, yeah, I think I think part of us wants to believe that our mental struggles are fully outside of ourselves, right like we were born this way, you know, it's outside of our control. We didn't have a choice. And again I see it much more as some of us are more genetically vulnerable to certain things. But the good news is is that any mental health conditions such as anxiety, panic, depression, addiction, any of this

is not a life sentence. And I truly want to empower people, especially the people I work with, to understand that sometimes when you get this diagnosis, it can be relieving for some because there's a name, but it can be so overwhelming and scary to think, oh my gosh, am I gonna have anxiety for the rest of my life. It's just what my whole life is going to look like. And I want people to also hear that that that

isn't how anxiety works. There's never a time that you go back to feeling what you did that first panic attack, that first depressive episode. I always tell people that that part, it's not where you go back to. It's about how do you have tools in your toolbox to continue to

navigate something that it's not just genetic based. How can you do your part in the healing journey so that none of this has to be a life sentence, but really a struggle of transition where you find out new different ways to navigate something that does and can become sin through time and treatment. So anxiety, is it right? Is about like unknown fear, right, Okay, So where where my anxiety comes in It is like, oh, I don't want to do this because I'm afraid I'm going to

have a panic attack. M hmm, yeah, that's panic cat that is panic attack one oh one. Yeah. So that is why I don't do certain things because I'm like, I can't do that because what if I have an anxiety attack or what happens or and so that's why

it's frustrating. I would love to change that mindset to not say, well, I'm not going to do this because I'm afraid I'm gonna have a panic attack or and I feel like I've let itself go in certain areas, but there are other things that I still feel like I hold myself back because I'm more afraid of, like, well, what happens if I get a panic attack? Then what? M hmmmm? So as a panic attack, um, what do I want to call myself survivor warrior? I don't. I

don't know what term I use. But as someone who struggled with pan attacks all of my adolescents in your adult life, the one thing my therapist taught me was that panic attacks are fueled off of avoidance. So every time we avoid, we strengthen that fear around having a panic attack. So every time we don't make that phone call, we don't take that trip, we don't reach out to that person, we don't get on that flight, every time we avoid, we strengthen the circular impact of panic attacks.

And so in our mind, temporary discomfort okay we have, but we're training that in for long term dysfunction, because now our life becomes smaller and smaller and smaller, because we tend to continue to avoid and avoid because it's like, oh my gosh, good job, I kept myself safe. I didn't have a panic attack. That means I have to keep avoiding going on this bridge, getting on that highway,

getting on you know that helicopter. Whatever our our panic attack trigger is right, whether it's emotional, whether it's physical, we tell ourselves a good job, I avoided it. I didn't have pain attack, So I need to keep avoiding it, and then our world gets smaller and smaller and smaller.

The true trick with panic attacks, and it has to be you know, intervals and slow and steady, is that you have to find what we call in psychology your window of tolerance, which is how much discomfort can I tolerate without getting flooded, without being overwhelmed, without having the panic attack, So that I can teach myself, I can train myself to know that actually can do these really hard, scary, difficult things. And it's so much easier said than done.

But you have to remind yourself that avoidance is absolutely the crux of panic attacks, and every time we choose not to avoid, we're slowly chipping away at that connection, that relationship we've given ourselves between the panic attack and the thing that we think will activate or trigger it. Mm hmm. It's interesting and and it makes total sense.

And also a part of me is like, you know, I had a girlfriend, uh do a road trip with her kids from Florida to Michigan and on the way back Michigan and Florida, and yesterday she stopped on her way back, and I'm just like, man, I could never do that. Yes, yeah, because what I can barely drive in the expressway. I send my girlfriends like a you know, a joke text mess and like go, guys, look at them on the expressway, Like because you know, I go.

I only go my comfort bubble of where I drive on the expressway because if I get trapped on an expressway, I will pass out in my car. There is no like I will have I will have a helicopter come air lift me out of my car. Like that is how bad being trapped is for me. Is like PTSD trauma.

So like I just avoid it at all costs. Now, when I know that there's not gonna be traffic time, yeah, I'll hop on for like a few exits just to be like I got this, I got this, like I'm driving, but then, you know, is that okay to just to go? You know what, I'm just not one of those people that are gonna be able to across country trip. And I don't really have to prove anything to myself, no, And I think all of us has to check in with what would be meaningful for you, right, which is

different than what's meaningful for me. So much of our anxiety, though, does attack things that matter to us, right. And so if for you it matters to be able to you know, get in the car with your kids and be like, we're going to Disney World, right, Like, if that matters to you, right, then I would say, huh, I want to do around that? How would we want to make

small incremental shifts towards that goal? If for you, you're like, you know, I want to work on this, but I don't need to feel like I'm going to California in New York right asking ourselves when anxieties in the picture, does this mean something to me? Does this matter to me? Because there's a difference between avoiding something because it's not important and avoiding something because it makes us so incredibly uncomfortable.

Is there anything that you avoid? I know you don't really is is everything you are saying is applying to me, but not with anxiety and panic attacks, just with being vulnerable Like that Literally everything she's saying I was, And I literally have dealt with the situation all week. That is that, And it's like I want to avoid. I want to avoid, and then tried to address it head on and then I just kind of leashed. My emotions

were all over the place. But I got to a point where it's like I can't keep avoiding being vulnerable and talking about how I feel because I have to be able to move forward. But it's just interesting because it just applies the same I feel like, right, but that's not really diety. But but avoidance in general keeps us right. Like you said, I want to avoid because I don't want to tolerate this discomfort. But then you have to ask yourself, but what am I treating in

that for? Yeah, And it's usually a longer term discomfort or dysfunction where we teach ourselves to be quiet, we teach ourselves not to speak our truth, We teach ourselves that, you know, what we'd rather just keep the peace, and we have to check in with ourselves and like, well, but our inner peace, when did that stop mattering? Right?

And it does. We We are taught just decidally that, you know, just be quiet, go with the flow, don't say much um and and I think that anybody who questions that is is already a few steps ahead where you're like, ah, this doesn't feel good not to speak on this or say something about this, but I know I'm not supposed to technically, or maybe I shouldn't. And still choosing to say something within your comfort level is important.

Is how we slowly and again, all of this is about taking incremental steps towards, you know, getting getting outside of our comfort zone. And I actually dislike the saying like everything good is outside your comfort zone, because I think that actually everything good is when we stretch our comfort zone. Right. We don't throw somebody in the deep

end when they can't swim just because they're uncomfortable with it. No, we teach them how to get a little further and a little further and a little further until they feel comfortable enough to learn to the deep end. And that's how our comfort zones grow. Every time we choose to stretch it, we get stronger, we become more resilient. And so I think that, like you said, it applies to

all things, not just our mental health struggles. Yeah, and it's in a way, it's just getting unstuck from you know, uncomfortablelitty or anxiety or depression or just like you're keeping yourself ultimately stuck. So how do you unstick yourself from it? And it does it gets to be a dysfunction for sure, you know you say that, it's like you look and it's like, man, I'm thirty eight years old and I've been doing this for how long. It's like now I got to start over and figure out how to do

this differently because I got myself right. Hey, here we are. How did you feel though being vulnerable? Obviously we're not going to talk about what the situation, but like, but like I'm just curious because you you do, you know, struggle with being vulnerable in that area, and so I'm

just curious how that. The interesting thing is is like I will go have a conversation, like I will come at you like I'm an eight and I'm going to like, let you know, but it's vulnerable though no, but the vulnerable. So it's like, so what I struggled with with this certain sick situation is I wanted to be mad. I was hurt. I wanted to be mad, and I wanted to attack. But then I had to kind of peel that back and sit down and have a conversation and

like live in those emotions and apologize for it. But I mean, I have never felt that much growth ever in thirty eight years, you ever, And how like, how did that feel? Proud? Think I was emotional roller coasters? It was like I feel not to say like nothing bad about bipolar, but I felt very bipolar. It was just like one minute I felt this and women and I felt this, and I was just like I've never dealt with these kinds of emotions. It was beyond crazy.

I mean, I'm still I can feel it's still a training though, you know, because I'll still find myself being like, oh but that's still kind of okay, bring it back like wow, does this mean you know, oh that's a lot yep, Like but but like you're even showing emotion now, you know, And it's like I just I mean, not to give too much information and not to go onto my stuff, but like, I just came out of a fifteen year marriage and part of this whole thing ended

in the night of having a conversation with my ex husband and he literally looked at me and he was like, I have never seen this, you know, I mean like he just in like I think he needed it, you know, I think he needed to see it. I needed to feel it. I needed to see it. And it was

just it was just such a moment. I was like, nobody's seeing this from me, you know, it's kind of crazy, but I'm so proud of you because that is that's the growth that you know, you talked about with you know, our therapist Amy, where it's like this is this is the work to to not repeat the patterns, like it's weird exactly asked. I was like, but how do I do this? Like how do I change? How do I And it's just kind of like it's happening this situation.

I don't necessarily wish the situation would happen, but now I'm why it happened, you know, And now you get to see how like it does happen with your growth and like how does it change? Well, you just have to sink into the thens, the uncomfortableness, is it. Yeah, they discomfort yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to stay in the stock is what we say, for a minute or two, right, and and really feel what is calling to be felt.

And that's what I hear from your stories that you allowed yourself maybe to feel things that surprised you, surprised an observer, you know, that had a front seat for you know, fifteen years and and whenever those um opportunities for growth happen, they're not they're not necessarily fun, they're not enjoyable. Um. But you get to look back and you know, you get to say, like, huh, I wonder I wonder what I'm trying two tap into that was ready finally to be expressed. Yeah. Absolutely, And I think

to like, you're wanting to do things differently. Again, we don't know how right certain times, but that was a that was something that you get to go run into now and tell Amy like I did. Isn't it to tell her we have the same therapist to go back. I'm like, there's so many moments in my I was dealing with something that I shared last week on the podcast, but I was like, Okay, my friend's like, well, can you just kind of lie and say you don't want

to come over because you don't feel good. I'm like, no, I have to do this differently, Like I have to like I have to speak my truth and like set up boundaries and like and and and I want to go run to Amy and tell her I did it right. Star. I want a gold star for my therapist. We all do, We all do. Yeah, yeah, that's so funny. I totally want a gold star always. But I'm still her favorite.

We also want to be everyone's favorite. It's funny. Whenever we do telehealth, I'll put on there, I'm like your favorite client, Like I don't put my name just like your favorite client. She hates me, she does. Um, I'm curious to what you've seen. You know, we both have young kids, and do you have kids as well? What are your ages? Six? Two in nine months? Oh? Why

do you think I'm outside? Got it? Okay? Well, so I've got a six and um she's got three that are always ten, sixteen, ten and six and minor six and three. And you know, what do you think is for their generation going to be the thing that we have to watch with them? Is it? Is it more depression. Is it more anxiety? Is it more? And like what are the leading is it? Is it social media? Is it? Like?

What is it so that I can not I don't want to put bubble wrap around him, right, but I also want to be aware of things that like that you might see that from people coming in or that you talked to that's like this is or and you know, as divorced single moms, like what's something that you know?

So I know there's like the million questions thrown at you, but just because because I I have made mistakes where I said something, oh my God to my daughter the other day and I had just had I was at my wits end and I ended up going and apologizing to her. But she's just challenging me every freaking second. It's like, you know this, let's just like why mommy, or like just or whining. I'm like, Jolie, can you just say yes mommy? Or just like And I try a few times to just be and then by the

fourth time she's like, well I don't want anyone. I'm like, I don't care, you know, And I go, I don't care, and Jace goes, I don't care, and I was like and I just started crying. Media immediately started like bawling, and I was just like, I am the worst mother, and but the keep goes. I'm like, now we're all yelling, and now my child everyone's crying, said the efford. Do not feel alone. We have all been there. You're lying.

And I was like, and I've failed. So I'm like, is this gonna like, is she gonna now be depressed because I'm just like screaming at her? Or again I don't. I wasn't screaming, but I was. I definitely was like yelling, and I don't I don't like to yell. I don't like to get to that place. It doesn't feel good. I don't like when we're all yelling at each other. But anyways, there's a million questions, answer whichever ones you want. I'll start with the last one about it's all about

the repair. It's all about the repair. We are human, whether we mess up in our home, outside our home, on a public stage, in private, we're all human. And when we choose to repair, when we choose to umber ourselves and go to somebody and say, wow, I am so sorry, I was in the wrong. I messed up, we still live in the society that somehow thinks we shouldn't do that with children, and it bugs me because

you absolutely should apologize. I mean I think I do it daily, so I might be on the other extreme, but we should absolutely apologize to our children because they are seeing that we can get it on our knees, look them in the eyes and say, you know what, Mommy messed up right now. I should not have yelled. It actually had nothing to do with you. What happens then when it actually does, then you get to say.

Then you get to correct and say, you know what, mommy lost her patients and that was wrong because even if it didn't have to deal with her, yeah, because yeah, I sat down with her and I laid with her in bed that night, and I was like, baby, girld, Mommy is really sorry. I yelled. It's just very frustrating when you do listen. But I'm so sorry, I yelled, and like, can we both try again tomorrow? Like you listen and I'll be more patient and m m m m. And then the repair is a commitment for us not

to repeat. So there's a stame in psychology. We either repeat or we repair, and that really means are we willing to look at something right and repair it, or are we then not looking at it? And please believe, we will repeat it. So if we're looking at somebody and saying, hey, I'm really sorry, I that that was you know, I was trying to speak to you. I really needed you to you know, get the lunch um. But it never is okay for me to yell, and

and that's something I need to work on. So today I'm going to take him time and I'm going to reflect on how I can work on my patients. And I would love it if you could join me. You know, if you see me getting frustrated, to also give me some grace because I'm learning to and really allow people will to know that we're gonna stumble in this journey, but we do want to repair. We don't want to repeat.

We don't want to keep saying the same sorry to our kids, to our spouse, to our friends because they stopped. Then it loses me, right, you lie to your friends and then you're like, sorry, I lied again. What's I'm working on it? Sorry light again, What's I'm working on it? All? Right?

She just likes the live, okay, But if somebody like our child comes in, they're like, wow, Like my mom says she wants to work on our yelling, and then maybe not tomorrow, but you know, six months on the line, I don't know it's yelling right that will impact them because they're gonna see a changed behavior, They're gonna see a repair. And that's a gift we get to give our our children that we're growing with them. And please believe, our children will activate our own traumas. They activate all

of our traumas. Nobody tells you that when you're glowing and you get your pregnant bump and you're like, I can't wait to be a mommy. No one's like, hey, guess what, all your traumas that you haven't seen yet, they're about to come to the surface in the next ten years because they will activate our traumas, our own traumas from childhood, the way we were raised, the way we were spoken to, our relationship with their parents are siblings.

I mean, it comes full with circle. So we have to be willing to apologize and we have to be willing to do our own work so that we don't repeat. Yeah. At on site, that was the biggest thing. They were like it's not about the rip, it's about the repair. And like I just I always loved that quote so much.

But yeah, that means we're gonna say something. Well. I was literally just reading a book that was just talking about that about how kids activate your you know you're past, and I'm just like, no, kidding, like not that what this is? You know? I think it's that too. And also sometimes when I am in conflict with other people, I go, what is it about myself that I don't what is? What is There's something in me that like?

Is that? That's why I don't like that? Like so my mom, when I get angry, it's because a piece of me of what I do that I don't like. So it's like I almost see like the reflect shin mm hmmm something too. That's as interesting the first time, I'm like, oh gosh, all right, now on to the other depression was yes, with our children and depression anxiety trauma. There's so many different lens that we can choose to view this, and so I always want to kind of

caveat that because are there more rates of depression anxiety now? Absolutely? It's skyrockets. We're now seeing it everywhere with everyone did that always exist? Potentially, but we weren't talking about it, So we have to really think about it. Is it that these cases have increased? Right? And to some degree, yes, COVID pandemic all that. Absolutely, we can just clearly see

the difference. But even before that, I asked myself, well, maybe this stuff was always there and we just weren't talking about it and it was underreported and it was normalized. I mean, they knew what a narcissist was a year ago, so right, But that's what I mean though. It's like, I think these things have always existed and we just told people to be quiet about it and we shame them if they spoke about it, or you know, back in the day we send people away to treatment or right, like,

I imagine these things have always existed. So sometimes as a parent you can be scary because you're reading the data from the CDC and is saying how many you know, hundreds and thousands of kids have depression, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma, And yes, that exists, But I also want to say

that I think it's always existed. We just didn't have the language, the word, the words, or the opportunity to really speak to it, and I am thankful because at least now present day, we at least know, hey, these are the signs of depression, these are the signs of these are the signs of eating disorders, and we know that there's treatment out there that can support it, versus people living their whole lives in silence, shame or struggle

and nobody doing something about it. Yeah, definitely, I mean it's you. It's just so much more normalized now. I mean, even just to go to a therapist, like I would not have grown up like asking to go to a therapist. Ever, It's just so much more normalized now. I loved my counselor. But would you have told people? Uh, because people just didn't really do it as much and people didn't talk about it. That's very true. Yeah, that's where you're kind of just do it and quiet and good for you

for doing it. But I wouldn't have you know. But that's what I mean now I have you know, I work a lot with teams and yang adults are coming in their texting their best friend, help call you back at my therapist, right, like you know, been calling them after Like all right, So today we talked about this and I'm like laughing because I'm like, Wow, what a beautiful freedom to be able to just speak that to somebody when that wasn't gifted to you know, you and

me at that age, and and it gives me hope. It gives me hope that we can continue to normalize therapy, we can continue to normalize and even prioritize our mental wellness because at the end of the day, mental health is health. Mental health is physical health. There is nothing in our lives if we are not mentally well. And we still have a long way to go, but hey, we're starting somewhere. I love it. Where can our listeners

find you? Because you are awesome? Well thank Um. I'm on Instagram, UM at Dr Christina um underscore something, you know. I'm on Instagram. And then I also have a mental health action campaign that's been out there for about three years UM called hashtag therapy is cool, speaking of therapy, and it's awesome. It provides you know, resources for people

to get access to therapy. It's got shirre, it's got totes, and um, it's been really cool to see people all over the world, you know, out in these you know monamental you know places it's a word on them that lets people know it's okay to to seek help, it's okay to support yourself, it's okay to reach out because none of us are in it alone. Yeah, amen to that. Well, thank you so much for coming on. We really appreciate. I might have to come see you san Fran. Yeah

all right, thanks for having me. All right, thanks girl, thank you. Good byeye. Who knows if I'll ever be back to San Fran, but if I do, I have a nice little session, I will damn her and be like, Hi, she's great. Love love her, love her energy too. And it's also just like, I don't know, it's all applicable, it's all good. Like what're you thinking over there? I'm still kind of on Atlanta, but it's a little on my chest. I'm gonna have to go back to my

hypnotisk hypnotipnotism. Um question. So when she answered your question about um the road trip part of it, did that is that something that's important to you that you would want to try and push or is it not good question? Um? So I thought about that, and I love road trips. I love road trips, and I actually like driving. I just don't like driving out of my comfort zone. Um, here's here's here's the answer. It's not that it's important

to me. It's I don't like to have anything to hold me back, right, That's what I don't like is knowing that I have something that would hold me back from doing something at all. In general. Sure, like I don't want to jump out of a plane because I'm scared that all of the panic attack, but it would

How cool would that be? I'm holding myself back from certain things that could be an experience looking at it, like what is important for you that gives you anxiety that you could start pushing yourself and then maybe that helps you push you out of your comfort zone kind of in general. I just thought I was just thinking.

When she asked that, I was like, that's a good question, you know, because if it's not important to you, I can see where it's like, okay, like maybe I'll try and work on it, but it's not worth like you know, yeah, I know it's a good question, and I'll have to I think I have to write down a list of what is actually sure important that is that I feel that's holding me back. Well, like we probably travel before right by yourself for that was important to you, and

you push yourself out of that. You know, that comfort zone just interesting, yeah it is, I mean yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Alright, guys, have a great one and see you next week.