Swine Down with Jana Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast.
Mike's back, yay, still alive, still man, and he has a cake happy vasecta me cake in front of him because apparently that's a thing. Now you get that vasect to me, cake, You're the best tea. How do your balls feel?
Bad? Happy? You know, a little tender? Yep, but doing good. I'm physically wearing a jock strap right now, so true story.
I just put down Joey for bed and I walked past our room and I see him in no joke, a jock strap which just looks like a male thong, and I was just like, what are around your butt? I know, but it's still like so now you're like butt cheeks are all. But I was like, what are you wearing? And he's like, it's a jock strap And I was like.
Youtub boys, nice and tight. You gotta keep him.
Are you going to continue to wear a jockstrap balls?
My buddies. I was like, hey, this is kind of nice, Like everything stays out of the way up and out of the way, high and tight and just you know, then you just go about your business.
I mean that must be weird to have like staggy stuff down there. Yeah, like when you're walking and stuff.
Yeah, exactly. Little empathy for the guys.
You don't understand what you deal with with bat wings?
What's up?
Mike doesn't get them? Now they're wearing a jockstrap?
Oh does it? Like the ball stick to your the side.
Of your to the thighs. And I hate it. That's why I wear it fairly tight brief because of that drives me nuts, and I still.
Deal with it.
Don't you use baby powder? Because I always see Mike like or like a dozen.
A gallon of gold bond.
More of Johnson and Johnson's kind of guy.
Oh, I need a female in here because it's just real male right now?
With all that, right after that Ladies episode last week, you talk about all those dreamy guys and potential hot nannies for women, Yeah, I was listening to podcasts. I didn't get through all of it yet, but I was listening to the part when Amy was talking about what if Ryan Reynolds was, you know, your trainer or nanny or whatever. And Jane's just like I I. I I was like, yeah, hid it a little bit more?
No?
I just couldn't you know, come up with the words to properly say right, it's okay.
I would have said the same thing if someone said one of those two guys was my trainer and nanny, I'd be like, I I so we'd have the same reaction.
Oh man, speaking of all that stuff though, I'm just going to wrap that part up. Michael was like, what are you doing. I was like, I'm in like a war right now with hot Nanny's all over the world, the Hot Nanny's Unite, even our Nanny and Nashville was like, is this something I need to be worried about? And then one of my other brit Bretts, She's like, was I ugly? I was like, oh my god, yeah, I was like Britney.
No.
I was like, and I've literally had to text all our past nannies and be like, you are beautiful. You are beautiful. I think you're beautiful. So I mean, really back for it. I mean a lot of times on the show, I like to I like to start conversations and that's an interesting conversation. And but also because you know, what works for me might not work for everyone else.
But apparently I was a very I was offending a lot of the hot nannies saying, you know, i'm women in the workplace and they're getting It's just it was just the whole I was just.
Very you know, and when you were bringing that to me and let me know when you're texting so uh, you know, intently, even like a.
DM war And I'm not going to name her because I think she just wants the attention.
Yeah, yeah, no, don't get that satisfaction. The thing is, when you're telling me about it, I'm like, it's just being professional, that's all it is. You wouldn't show up to any other job interview or post a picture for your resume, which you know, some resumes nowadays people might put it like a picture You don't. You wouldn't post a picture with your stuff hanging out.
But here's where she says, but so because I have big boobs, Like that's just how you're discriminating women. I was like, no, I'm actually not discriminating. Like you need to dress for the part. If a guy wore a hey, if he had a shirt off and he came to an interview right professional, or if he was you know, I mean not even a shirt off, because like your boobs can show but if you're wearing a lace literally nothing else, a barely tank top, Like, I just think
you need to dress for the part. It's not about saying I don't think this woman's everything else. I don't know, Mark, what do you think?
I agree?
Completely professional is the answer. You don't need to be in an apron and a hair Just a professional look is what we're looking for. That's all it is, because otherwise you might have ulterior motives.
Right, But she was like, just because I have big boobs doesn't mean that I want to blah blah blah, and like my boobs might be flapping around because I wear I'm like, that's fine. I'm just saying, like the first interview and meeting, I just think that you should dress more appropriately, right not, But.
Then big boobs are not There's still a way to dress professionally. It doesn't matter.
Yeah, but what if I mean you have to talk with it. Let's say she dresses professionally and you hire her, and then she shows up for work and after a couple of weeks she gets more comfortable, and when she starts showing up in a crop top and jeane shorts, and all of a sudden, we.
Have to have a talk.
Yeah, but I mean one of our nannies, Like she hit her boobs out a lot, and again it's fine, Like I was fine with it.
Ow I what you're talking about, I actually do. Who's the actor in this family?
Thank you very much, But I don't care because she loved your kids. You know, at the end of the day, it's not about and she was beautiful, Like it's I just was more trying to have a conversation about it. And it's not that I don't trust my husband, and it's not that I'm not for women's rights and letting boobs hang out. It's fine, but whatever, I can still
have my opinion. It still spark a conversation. But really, like the hot nannies USA, is real have an issue and to the point where I was fearful that we're going to lose the nanny we just hired in Nashville because I didn't want her to think that we thought she was ugly or because that's not the case. She's she's beautiful, she's right for our family, and she's gonna love our kids, and that's what matters at the end
of the day. Because here's what I was saying too is at the end of the day, if my husband or if I'm going to cheat, we're gonna cheat no matter what someone looks like, end of the day, no matter what they're wearing, no matter how they dress, no matter what they look like. If you're gonna cheat, you're gonna cheat.
We are joined now by Katie for Vinciana, the managing director of Westside Nanny's.
Oh God, are you serious?
I am serious? Really yeah, Katie is her name?
Here I go, I don't know where to guess.
I think this is kind of the last minute.
Okay, hello, Hi, Hi, Hi Katie.
How are you good? How are you?
I'm great. I hear you're talking about hot nanny.
Yeah, this is wrap it up, but I guess we'll start.
We're diving back in.
So you own a nanny agency. I do.
I own west Side Nannies. We're based in Los Angeles, so we work with families primarily here in Los Angeles area, but also across the country if needed.
So, I guess one of the main backlashes I had was I was talking about because we were trying to find a nanny and we used one of the website Nanny's. Uh outlets and I had made a comment about how they had like the perky boobs up and you know that the wives are hiring, And I got major backlash because people are like, well, women are like, you know, I have boobs and I should be able to show
my boobs. And what my husband and I are saying is we just think that for an interview, you should be a little bit more professional.
Well, I would agree with you, and we see those pictures too. You'd be amazed at what danny send in when they're applying for a job. But I think for us, it's not about whether someone has boobs or not. I mean, we all do right right. It's about good judgment and doff awareness and professionalism and how you're presenting yourself for a job. And I think those things are two very different things. So it's not that, oh, this nanny is hot,
you know, that's the turnoff. It's that, well, if she chose to use the photo of herself to apply for professional jobs, any job, whether it be a nanny job or another, that shows a lack of good judgments, and the judgment is really important when you're hiring nanny.
I agree.
Have you ever had any wives like say, you know what's around that, like what if they are dressed in appropriately do you talk to them? Or how does that work?
Well, we get requests, you know, every every single day from moms, and you'd be surprised the request still looks late. I mean, for every request that we have from a mom that tells us, you know, I don't want someone to pretty, we also get the request here the room around where a parent will say, hey, we need someone to fit in at the country club or go to the star set of events and not be an outsider, or you know, we don't want an any whos overlate,
or we don't want this or that. We even had a mom recently tell us that, you know, my three year old seems to be more attracted to blonde, so we's like a blonde manny. I mean, we hear it all.
Oh wow.
But our response to that, of course, is, you know, those things shouldn't matter. First of all, there protect the characteristics. We actually can't discriminate faced about when someone looks like or the color of their skin or any of those things. But it really comes down to someone of great nanny and that comes down to experience, references, education of personality and why they really want to work in this field.
So I have a question, Katie, and this you know again I'm trying to I feel like maybe this, this field like nanny, is a little bit more personal because of the interaction and the relationship care children. Right, So it's a little bit more personable, personal and connected. But still, like for any job out there, you know, you've got
to address the part. You got to be professional. And the employer can hire whoever they want, and they might have their you know, kind of mindset on the kind of person they want, down to the fact of maybe how they look or how they present themselves and so on. So when it comes to something like nanny, I mean, I feel like people still have the right to I guess, ask those questions, make those requests right.
They can ask them right, and a lot of times they're going after the wrong thing. And what we try to do is really reframe that to be something that's positive. When we're not going to disciminate based upon those factors, but we do really want to understand what the family is hoping for, what are the qualities that they're looking for, and what is leading to that request. But I think you've brought up a good point that I really want to touch on, where you said, this is a really
personal job. It's you know, it's different than your everyday job, and I would agree with you to an extent. I think that's where a lot of problems happen is because parents do feel like, oh, this is my home. You know, this is so personal, it is a personal job, and so boundaries can sometimes fall to the wayside. And that's not just on the nanties, and that's also on the
parents end. And all I think parents don't totally realize or comprehend, which is something we try to educate our clients about, is the moment you hire a nanny, you become a workplace. So it may be your home, but it's her workplace, and so you have to have boundaries too.
So that means, you know, you guys, can't be walking around in your underwears if what were your own home like you were someone's workplace, So you kind of have to have some boundaries for your own home too, and then you can absolutely have her have boundaries as well. So for example, there is appropriate just could it work, like your nanny should not be wandering you're on a hot pans ser bikini that's not appropriate for the workplace. And so the nanny you hire, they are role models
for your children. So you can have boundaries, and you should just like a nanny shouldn't really be talking about her date last night or her night clubbing on Saday. You also shouldn't be talking about the fight you just had with yourseuse or you know, any kind of those personal things. It does need to remain professional and really about the kids.
I have a question at a very good point, by the way, I love all of that, when it comes to healthy eating habits. What if I'm not not saying, you know, we don't know what. We just hired a new nanny Nashville, but we've had a previous nanny where just eating habits weren't that good, and I've seen it.
Maybe how does I how do I say that reflect now on our daughter what she might think a snack is, And how do we how do we say without hurting the nanny's fault and being like, hey, you know, this is what we need to feed our child in the house, and you know we're not going to go to donut shops and.
That's just right. And in particular, what Jana's trying to beat around the bushes say that nanny is a little bit more of her weight, which there's no discrimination here, but maybe they're eating habits aren't very healthy. But we want to make sure that our kids are experiencing the eating habits that we want for them, and that Jana and I practice sure.
I think it just comes back to your the job that you were hiring someone for. And really, whether or not a nanny's overweight or not doesn't mean she can't teaching children about nutrition and cook healthy meals for them. And so it's less about her own eating habits and
more about what you need in your role. And so I think when you're interviewing Nanni's and it sounds like you hired someone, but if you were interviewing with us, we would say talk to everyone about that in the interview, talk about how nutrition has a partant to your family, and talk and talk about what that looks like. You know, if you get this job, you know, do these are the things we'd like to cook. I'd like you to be able to cook, cook me in a healthy meals
that are well rounded. And I'm hoping that when you're working Harry to partake in the meals that you cook as well, and we just want to show them and demonstrate healthy eating houbies to the kids. Which I'm a mom too. That's super important and definitely a point that I talked about with my own mammy. So I think, just again reframing it, it's not about them. They're not
causing anyone paying or the other. It's what are they going to do in their role and what do you expect on the job, and your nanny should be able to fulfill those or she's not the right one.
Absolutely, I love that. And one more question before we wrap up. Katie Jan and I we've had a few nannies in the past, and we had a tendency where we would hire somebody we kind of had a prior relationship with that started as more of a friend. So definitely we had an issue with the kind of the boundaries and that, like you talked about, like our house a workplace, and we've tried to you know, we have
a new nanny in Los Angeles. We just hired a new one for Nashville when we moved back there, and we really made a point to touch on the things that you're talking about and be you know, on the front end kind of discuss the things that we've learned that we need or want them, you know, for our
kids to be exposed to and so on. What kind of advice though, because Jane and I are very personable, very affectionate people who we want people, whether they work for us or not, we want them to feel comfortable. We want them to feel kind of like part of the family, and and talk to us about life in general, because we just love talking and hearing about their life and we want them to be willing to share and
everything like that. So what advice would you give, you know, people like Jane and I who have a hard time ourselves kind of sticking to those boundaries of employee employer relationship.
I think it can be hard. I think it's something that like everyone struggles with, to be honest, and it is at this fine mind that you need to figure out exactly where it is for you. But I do think that you know the way to start off a new relationship, and I would encourage you to just for the nity you just hired, is to have what we call it a work agreement, but it's a contract. And that's where you really fell out kind of this is what we expected you, and this is what we're going
to give you in return. And you know you need to be paying your name I legally, you need to make sure that she has you know that she's treated like a professional as well, and then I think you will get that back. But really putting out your expectations and then maintaining that, I think sometimes feel like, oh, she's just part of the family, and yes, that's true, but I think again those boundaries can go out the window.
Oh she's just part of the family, Well, she wouldn't mind working on her day off, or she wouldn't mind doing this and that, and everything gets a little fuzzy. And I think that you do as much as you want someone to feel part of the family, you can't feel that way. Think back to a great job you had, will you really have an ethenity towards your employer and were it felt like a great fit, but you still knew it was a job and it's still professional. And
I think that goes both ways. And so if families will set up a contact in the beginning, paint out the expectations, pay their nanny legally and professionally, you know, give her vacation, make it feel more like a job for her. I think that goes a long way in
making sure that that behavior is also models back. And you just can't talk about everything that you would naturally, some things need to be reserved for, you know, the bedroom when you have an employee working in your home, because you just you just can't talk about everything as you would if no one was there.
Yeah, boom, well, thank you so And what's the name of your agency again? In La Well, west Side Nanny's, West Side.
Nanny's in La h you let us know you be happy to help.
Thank you so much. We really appreciate it.
Good luck, Thank you.
That was really good advice.
It was you're scared at first have to discuss more nanny stuff.
I was just because I'm so terrified that our new nanny's going to listen to this, and I don't want her to quit because I really like quit before she starts, because I really like her.
It's not about beauty, though, it's about it's about like you could have a lovely nanny. Yeah, but there are certain women that might be more I don't know, putting it out there, Like we said before, it's not saying that you can only hire but ugly nannies.
That's nonsense, all right, someone's I mean, regardless, someone's going to take this the wrong way.
I'm sure I realize that no matter what I say, someone's going to be offended by something that I say.
Always you're a public figure.
But it's frustrating because and then everyone's like, why are you Why do you comment on the negative? Because I really don't want to offend people, that's not no.
But you don't have a problem stirring up, which I love because not a lot of people, you know, so many people are too politically correct. Yeah, and don't call it like to see it.
Well, I don't know. I just I don't like to ever offend anyone.
So well, that's their own issue for taking offense.
So before we talk onto the next before we go to the next subject, we're going to take a quick break. Open Fit takes all of the complexity out of losing weight and getting fit. So it's a brand new, super simple streaming service that allows you to work out from the comfort of your living room.
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Thirty thirty, you will get full access to open Fit, all the workouts, nutrition information, totally free. So again, just text Janna to thirty thirty thirty. So I feel like we are in the movie How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days, where Kate Hudson's character says, I want to talk about something meaningful sometimes when we get these breakdowns about some of the topics for the show. For some of the shows, Mike's like, I want to talk about politics.
Well, it's just funny because you get some of these things, some of the hot topics in society at the moment, and some of it just seems so petty, and you're just like, really, this is what we're talking about. And having a platform like this, you know, I made the joke to Janet. You realize you do want to talk about things that are meaningful, and we want that for our listeners because they can go about like we're about to talk about Danny Amidola and Olivia Coppo for a minute,
that whole situation. So people, there's a million other places people can go. They can read any tabloid magazine, they can go along and see any article. Don't come here to We don't want them to come here to listen to that. We're gonna give our two cents and a minute.
Well, we're gonna talk about it right now.
So regardless, we're gonna talk about it right now because just.
In case, if you do want the hot topics. So I don't really know. Apparently they broke up. He wrote this long Instagram. You still have a cough by the way allergies. Okay, it's long Instagram about her. Would you like to preface some of this, baby?
I mean, look from my point of view, people who have followed this know what he said on on Instagram.
And then the fact that he well he basically said.
Miscommunication, my ass. He he said what he said. He was either drunk or just angry and typed away. And here's the I don't understand. They've been on and off for a couple of years or whatever it is. I don't know their whole history, but Olivio Colpo has clearly been a climber. She's dated you're going there, I am. I look at her dating history. She's dated Tim Tebow, She's dated Ryan Lochte, she dated Nick Jonas, she dated Danny, she dated now she's talking to you know, Zed and
who else? I mean, the list goes on and on.
So are you saying she's famous for dating celebrities? What else is that's her thing? I will say, just to defend that point in his thing, Danny said that she got upset that he wouldn't post a lot about her, So clearly she wanted to be exactly with him, to be like, oh, I'm you know with this football player, right, which then makes sense to your point. But who knows because we don't have her side of the story. But I can see why you think that she's a social climber.
I mean her, how can she just she just happened to date all these famous people.
Well, you run in those circles, right, And yes.
I understand that when you're in those circles, the people they introduce you to is probably someone of celebrity as well.
But I mean, what is the fact that he said, you know, she's she was always upset for me for not posting about her on the page, which you know, whether he's more private, that's fine, but clearly she doesn't want the privacy. She wants to be more out there in the celebrity.
But I will say any relationship, whether it's a public one like this or even a private one of people who aren't celebrities, there's some people that you know, are like, hey, why aren't you posting about me? Why aren't you posting a picture on Facebook or social media? So, regardless of celebrity or not, I've experienced and seen people like that where they want to be, you know, party of life more and post more and all that.
Yeah, some people are more private, but let's spin it because some people don't post because they probably want to look available, oh for sure. So I know there's some people that out there like, oh, well, he's a he's an artist, and he doesn't need to post a photo of me, And it's like, h guy, artists don't need to have that persona that's so out the window it's not even funny. Yeah, he's not just posting you because of that. He wants to look available for not the
right reasons. If anything, No record label or or TV show is not going to hire a guy because he has a girlfriend or a wife.
If anything. I feel like nowadays people are becoming more marketable because of a relationship they have. Yeah, except for maybe some of these reality stars who can find themselves in the public more frequently if they're dating somebody new, like if they're she real daters. I eat Olivia Colpo, But I mean it's just like who cares.
Honestly, I will say it's harder for women though, I mean they there's so many times where I felt like I had to look available because you know, someone might not hire you, which is so screwed up. And I'm glad it's changing. But I can see for the girl how it can be hard. But for the guys, I'm like, guys have it like so easy?
Why?
Because it's fine if you have a girlfriend or a wife. I mean, look at all the country artists and celebrities. They don't need to have that magnet. You're still you're still an You're still like a magnet, even if you have a relationship.
But so you're saying a girl, a female artist, isn't as marketable for sure.
I had to hide in the very beginning. I had to hide that I didn't have a boyfriend because I was supposed to look more available. That was something that was verbally told to me by my first manager.
What I don't understand about that is but.
A guy could have a relationship.
What I don't understand is country fans. I mean, what I would love to know the ratio of female to male primarily female. Yeah, right, so why would it matter.
It's just the old skew thinking, right, yeah, that's all it is.
Well, that's done. Anyway, this whole, this whole situation, I don't want to spend any more time on it.
It's let's take a break. Yeah, all right, So I honestly loathe perfume shopping. I don't know, I just feel like it's super overwhelming, and I don't want to commit to a two hundred dollars bottle.
And I feel like anytime I've gotten you something I've missed.
Well, no, I like the one thing you got me, but I don't know. With Sunbird, it's super easy because you can basically, okay, I'll say this, there's more than four hundred and fifty designer brands for you to choose a perfumer clone from each month, So basically you can do tom Ford, Gucci, Versaci and it's good for a month, So you don't have to commit to the big bottle.
That's the thing. Like I might I've liked what you've gotten me, but I just feel like I don't know if I want to commit to like the juicy smell, like the entire life.
Right.
But because it's because the Seth Bird, we can just choose the perfume that you want to try and they'll send it, send a thirty day supply that has one hundred and twenty sprays in it.
Yeah, it's so great, So I mean that's it's basically like a month for me, it's enough to apply more than four times daily per month. So with an exclusive offer just for our listeners, you can get fifty percent off your first month today. That's only seven fifty for your first fragrance. So you go to Sentford dot com slash Jena and use our code Jana for fifty percent off your first month.
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Interesting topic. Did you know actually that the benefits of your husband's gas can help you live longer? So the study found that was stinky byproduct most wives hate, could actually reduce the risk of cancer, heart attacks, strokes, arthritis, and dementia. According to other research, marriage is an important factor affecting the survival of heart attack patients too, which means even if you're already suffered health issues, his finest
farts could actually keep you alive. Kicking and sharp, I mean, that is the silliest thing I've ever read.
Society, We're just reaching man, Society. Society is just reaching to find anything.
Yeah, to to your fart will give me a longer life.
Yeah, that's gonna be. Yeah, you're welcome. I'm gonna start saying you're welcome instead of excuse me and say honey, you're welcome every time, every time.
Every time you fart. Now you're welcome. Here's a longer life.
Let me put out the article that proves I'm saving your life right here.
We're a lot of emails today.
Oh, will you read some?
I'd love to.
Victoria has a question about your tattoos, Mike. She says, I love listening to your podcast and following Janna on social media and through Jenna's videos on Instagram. I have seen the slow progression of Mike's tattoos. Is there a story or a reason and Mike's decision to pick some of the tattoos he did? Is there a significance in getting them? In this time of Mike's self reflection? Thank you all so much for all you guys do and talk about.
Nope, I just like them. No, I'm just kidding, No, Victoria, Yeah, there is significance to everything. It's a word, it's a sleeve, in in in progress, the process, it's gonna be a full sleeve. And everything I have is meaningful, you know. And then people have seen I have both kids handprints on my forearm with clocks.
In the time that they're born, which the tattoo artists screwed it up.
Oh no, he put the wrong time, but the wrong time you put because he kind of do the clock like sideways that you put four oh six as opposed to four oh one.
Yeah. Oh, she's only off by a few minutes.
It was still it's not the actual date or the time that our daughter was born.
Yeah, that's why I go to a new artist now.
So and then he also has a face, but it's all about like everything means something. So the trees mean what trees.
Are like forthrightness, honesty, you know, which is how I'm trying to live my life nowadays, and everything. And then the roses is symbol for new beginnings, which as you guys know, Jane and I are having. And then I have Jana's beautiful face on my shoulder, but right.
Now I look like a sixty year old man because it's not finished. So there's that. And then he's you know, got kind of hairy arms, so I'll look at my face and I'll be like, I have a hair growing out of my chin. I have to pull my hair chins anyways, but now I have to pull my hair chins off my face on your arm.
Every time I take my shirt off. Jana's like, can you please, next session, work on my face? Yeah, and get that done because I want to look more pretty. We see that because I'm curious or is it not? You don't want to show it till it's done.
I look like a six year old woman on his arm.
He doesn't look that bad. It does. Let's see here we go.
It's coming off. The shirt is coming off a.
Long sleeve.
Instagram story.
He has a sleeveless T shirt on under it, so it'll be oh wow, oh wow. I think it's lovely. So they're gonna add color to it or what are they gonna have no color?
But he's got a shade it to make it look more vibrant and make it pop and just don't so it doesn't look so aged.
And what is she doing in that picture because it looks like her eyes are closed.
I'm praying, well.
I thought maybe you were like singing into a microphone. From the original picture. They took it from no.
That I don't know why why they closed my ass.
Because I had it was kind of a mix between this inspirational picture that I have that's not Jana and then of a tattoo and then a picture of Jana. So we're kind of marrying the two together.
But his tattoo artist he ended up changing because he didn't like the tattoo artists guy. So now we have a new one and.
That's more expensive, and the new one has to finish the old one's work. Is that a weird conflict in the tattoo world.
Yeah, oh definitely. I mean when I went into this shop, which is a well known shop in Los Angeles, I mean the guys I talked to first were like, are you willing to get any of that lasered off? And I looked into it and that would have been like thirty five hundred dollars to four grand and like two and a half years. So I'm like, I'm good too. So, I mean, because the work's not bad, it's just not as creative as I had hoped on something and to
give them a clean, you know, canvas canvas. But this guy has been great that I'm working with and.
Is it bang Bang? I hear good things about Bang Bang.
It's not Bang Bang okay, But this guy's great that I'm working with, and he's been willing to kind of take what I already have and make it better.
Hey, do you want to read the email from Ashley?
I do actually love this. It's interesting. Ashley says, I just recently ended my four year relationship and engagement with my partner because he has a sex and porn addict. It's been almost two months, and I find myself doubting my decision a lot. He did tell me in the beginning that he was an addict, and he was in counseling. At the time. I was pretty naive to what a sex addict was and honestly never thought he would do
anything to hurt me. But over the four years, he stepped out of our relationship twice, received inappropriate photos, had inappropriate conversations, and was consistently active watching porn. Through this time, he would be in and out of counseling in groups. The most recent boundary he crossed was messaging a girl he frequently sees the gym and complimenting her inappropriately on her body. I was tired of putting myself back together.
I called off our wedding which is only which was only a few months away, and moved to another state. But lately I find myself doubting my decision. How do you feel confident in knowing that something you can do.
That sucks. I think doubting yourself is the worst thing.
But I.
If you can say that you've tried everything, then I think that's easier to not doubt yourself. So I knew that I would always doubt myself to be like, would Mike have changed? And I would never have known that if I didn't try now again, if Mike knows that, if he steps out, or you know, we're done because there's so much I can personally take physically personally, like I,
there's only so much like we can handle. And so if it continues to happen, even though I know that Michael is an addict and there's that possibility, he has to do his work of staying in recovery and staying in his boundaries in his work. So if it would happen me leaving, I could rest knowing that I did everything I could possibly do. So you might be having that doubt because maybe somewhere inside you, you don't think that you maybe fought as hard as you should have.
So maybe that's where the doubt is coming from, because I would have had that same doubt if I divorced Mike when I found out about everything, I would have had that doubt, being like I wonder if he could have changed, I wonder if we could have made it work, if he did the work.
I think it's hard for people in general to think back on something and really be confident knowing that they gave it everything they have. I feel like it's easy for people to justify it, well, maybe I could have done a bit more.
I don't I disagree with you, because if you do something right now, I would divorce you and then been like I did.
Everything and saying you don't. I'm just saying I feel like some people, it's easy, especially in the aftermath, like after some time has passed, like you made the decision, you're lonely and you're contemplating that right and you're just kind of like, well, did I did I really do everything?
You know?
And I mean I know I do that in my life, whether my football career or other things. I'm like, did I work as hard as I could, and then I try to remind myself. Yeah, yeah, I did, you know, but it's still hard, especially with something that was so meaningful for you, whether it's a relationship, whether it's a job, no matter what it is. I mean, you know, she says that at the beginning of the relationship, he disclosed to her that he wasn't at it.
Yeah.
Now it's four years ago. So you know, the biggest reason we've been able to reconcile and continue to make this work is because you've seen change we both have in ourselves and in one another and in on a relationship. So after four years, if she's not seeing that change and he's still doing things like that, he's clearly not doing the work right, whether he's in groups or going to meetings. If he's still doing that, he's not really
in recovery. So, I mean, I think that answers her question, you know.
Yeah, and hopefully you can rest in that knowing, because if he's not doing the work and staying in active recovery, then that's going to be impossible for you to continue on in a healthy relationship together. Yeah, so you can just be like, all right, like he couldn't do the work, and you tried. Yeah, that's that's my two sents.
I agree, clearly, it was.
Not a spur of the moment decision four years yeah, right right, it's not four years.
Yeah, And good on you for making that hard decision, you know, a few months before the wedding.
And you're the point you brought up, I think is the key point of this is, don't confuse doubts with loneliness. Because if you move to another state, you're spending a lot of time by yourself, I assume, and so you're missing him and that's normal. That doesn't mean that you made.
A mistake here exactly. And also the second that you do find someone else, you're going to.
Be like, oh wow, okay, oh yeah, I never realized it could be like that.
Yeah, oh yeah yeah.
Kristen's email is interesting as well. I've never heard this issue before. I can honestly state I'm really struggling in my marriage right now. My husband's sister has this weird obsession with him, and she's constantly needing his help for anything and everything. She's extremely clingy to him, and from the outside looking in, she actually she's his wife. The last straw was when she went and had a boudoir photo shoot and sent him her own brother the pictures,
asking him what he thought. He agrees that wasn't right, but he won't tell her that. She's too clinging and obsessive with him. I don't know where to go from here. I've tried to talk to him about it, but nothing ever comes of it. Please help, Oh my goodness, I want to know where they're from.
She can. Can someone explain to me exactly a boudoir third shoot?
I think it's a lingerie shoo basically, Yes, it's a lingerie shoe, but it's you typically done for your partner, right it's done.
Maybe you're engaged, maybe you're about to have a baby. Maybe you want you're thinking of having a baby, so you want to kind of preserve things. It's something for your I think it's usually a gift for your partner, got it. It's not, although Tanya was considering doing it just for herself.
I know what I'm getting Janna for Mother's Day. Translates to women's private dressing room Francis, So, what's the meal version?
Locker room?
So she took lingerie photos of herself? I don't think they're too revealing. I don't think they're typically nude photos.
No, they're just like real, like stringyie.
And she sends it to her own brother.
What are you saying?
Never?
Oh my gosh, I love my brother, but I would never send him.
Would throw up in my mouth.
I mean, if Tara sent you lingerie, not because she's not beautiful, sisters gorgeous, but yeah, no, no, no, I can't even I don't even know how to answer this because I can't relate to it. I think that's no, she's right, it's wrong. Well, and he thinks it's wrong too, right.
Yeah, so he needs to tell her stop weirdo.
He's not doing it. She keeps bringing it up, but nothing ever comes of it.
That's just weird.
Well, I mean, do you think like maybe they have feelings for each other?
Stop? I mean, this isn't Game of Thrones?
Is that happening in Game Thrones? I don't watch Game of Thrones, but I mean you never know. I mean there's if I sent lingerie photos to my brother Steve, he would be like, what the f is wrong with you? That's disgusting? Right, So, but because he's not saying anything maybe he's not the haunts for his sister.
Should Kristen go directly to the sister and have a talk with her or does that just blow it all up.
If he If her husband can't, then I would, she said to.
Her husband, I need you to address this, and if you don't, I will.
Yes, great advice, come to Mike and Jan and Mark, Mike, Jan and Mark and we'll give you and then easton for any Uh what was that called? What you just did? Translation tips? Oh my goodness, let's take a break. Oh, I have a fun game we can play. Okay, So Mike and I like to do this thing. I don't know if it's actually a smart thing to do, but we've been able to kind of talk about our issues in a funny way. Again, don't listen to us. This might not work. This might not be Yeah, this might
not be therapeutic. But sometimes what I'll say to him, if there's something bothering me, I'll say, tell me one thing that I'm doing that bothers you. So then I can then tell him the one thing that has been bothering me. So so it's just a good way to not be passive in you know, in conversation, but also learn something that maybe I might be doing that's annoying him. So let's play the game right now, Darling. Is there anything that I'm doing that is bothering you lately?
Yeah?
Oh?
What what you did yesterday?
What I do?
Oh?
Yeah?
So so Jana goes, we we had we brought this leather couch from our garage into the house because we wanted to clean it, and then like we need to refinish it and everything because we want to move back to Nashville.
We want to where we are we are okay, and so.
Basically we need some some you know, stuff to refinish the couch, and we get the wrong stuff. So Jana's like, all right, well do you mind researching so you can find like what you want to use. I was like, yeah, I'll I'll research it. I'll research it. And then she's as she says that, she's like look on her phone. She's like, well, here's one. She's like, actually, you just researched it. I'm like, yeah, I told you, I'll research it. Two minutes later she's like, you know what, I'm just
gonna get this one. It says it's the best on Amazon, like I'm just gonna get it, and I'm just like, okay, I'm like, what what Why did you tell me to research it? And I told you I'll take care of it when you're just gonna do it right.
Now, because I well, first of fault, Oh, I'm sorry that that bothers you.
Then then her text message, as I'm leaving her house to run an air with Jolie Danna goes, all you had to say was thank you.
I'm just like, all you have to do is say thank you.
I can't tell you how many times I picked up my phone and put it back down on my way to and from the house. But I was I was trying to go buy her advice and take a you know, take a breath and pause, because everything I wanted to say was just childish.
And you know, but I handled it, and I handled it in a timely fashion, and I knew I got the best thing.
But then here's the kicker, though, she said. When I was walking out the door.
She's like, well, after you already gave me otitude for it, because I was.
Just like, why would you do that? Thank you? She goes, well, I would have done it faster and better than you. Anyway, as I'm walking out the door, and I was just like okay and just walked out.
So he should thank you for you taking away an assignment you gave to him in the first place.
Okay, So Mark, I understand. Explain again, the man's timeline is very skewed. Okay, So in those two minutes I was able to find the best product and order the best product. Now, that would have taken him two hours on the computer searching, and mind you, that day it would have to.
Research it, Okay, because research implies a certain amount of effort.
But then I realize sometimes with Michael, his timeline is very different than my timeline. And this is what Michael would have done too. Mind you, The only reason he brought it inside was because on his checklist it was like clean the leather chair. This would be Mike. In about three weeks when our moving truck comes, it still wouldn't have been cleaned, and he'd go, you know, let's
just sell it. Let's just get rid of it. That's one hundred percent what you do because you just don't prioritize properly.
What Okay, I'm sorry that cleaning this couch was on the top of our priority list of all the other things that we're doing right now.
But a lot of times you'll just say get rid of it, like you were about to throw away a four hundred dollars dog bed because you don't want.
To all over it.
But you didn't.
You take it to the damn dry cleaners, Mike, take it to the you know. But it's well that get taken to the oh.
Out of spite. We had this conversation the other day. I said, yep, I'm going to laundry, Matt. I'm gonna sit there for two hours while everything washes and dryes.
But in his mind he's like, just get rid of it, And in my mind, I'm like, no, we can fix it, we can wash it. In that moment, I wasn't being like, oh I need I have one more thing I got to put on my plate. That was just something where Okay, I found something better and it's the best thing and it arrives tomorrow.
I can't tell you how much I'm hoping that it's completely wrong.
What the leather thing I'm hoping leathery Amazon Open, number one best selling.
So wrong?
Four days after my surgery and ask you to do anything.
My very intensive surgery.
I oh it to talk about what happened.
No, just couch, which caused me to get oh yeah, black and blue on my waveos and.
Jolie kept going, is it heavy? Is it heavy?
Daddy? I'm hearing this like giant love seat chair by myself on my back like a turtle and a shell, and Joey's just underneath my feet looking up at me. Is it heavy, heavy dad? Heavy?
Mind you though? He's like, baby, I gotta take a thirty minute nap. Thirty minutes and I said, babe, goal, lay down. You did so much today and I didn't. You didn't even have to do any of that, Like I was being so nice.
Yeah, because I was. I was productive. So there's nothing I could say.
Well, because I love I love productive, mic I love it. It makes me so So he takes a nap and then you wake up and what do you see? I remember, Are you serious? The house?
Yeah? I went to go take a nap. I couldn't really sleep because I heard furniture dragging and noises stranking right outside our bedroom. I come out our living rooms completely rearranged, I mean, couches and chairs on the opposite sides of the room play plays, toys are all on. Does it look looks amazing?
So I did that in thirty minutes.
Thirty minutes. That's a great one.
I mean, I just that was you know, the dragon is a furniture out of the bedroom door, and his napping is fantastic.
I got some vacuum in.
The vacuum wasn't working at d.
Yeah, so I get this game.
You ask him if anything's bothering him about you, which enables you to not only give him one of your own, it allows you to ridicule his thing and show him why he's wrong.
So what is your thing?
What?
But hold on a second, I was gonna say.
What's your thing?
For him?
Even though you kind of won that whole.
I didn't win anything, You didn't win anything, but you kind of went there.
You know, I did go offensive because oh my god, here come the comments jenn is so mean to Mike. No, we just play around a lot. But I just I think a lot of women justifying No. I think a lot of women. That's just again, their timelines are different than a man's timeline, and for us it's just easier to do it ourselves.
Okay, then don't complain if you do it.
I didn't complain one.
I'm just saying in general, I gotta do everything.
Well because we kind of do well.
People go to yourself, what bothers you about Mike?
Or was that it?
I mean, that's one of the things. But I will say, you leave and see mine's a lot smaller. You went, real big issue. But I don't like the fact that you leave Jason's dirty diapers either in the like you left his wet, very wet, dirty diaper this morning in his crib, put in the trash.
Okay, I forgot that one.
No, but then you always left him in the pack and play so annoying.
Okay, because you've never left, I've cleaned up, You've never.
Do the same thing.
You never leave diapers in there.
Usually, Actually, I don't you know what else bothers me? Oh my god, this is not how the game we're trying to show our listeners how we have better conversation.
We are, we're having great conversations. Jeez.
So after but usually, by the way, how that happens is I'll say, like, hey, he's like, I don't like it when you put the steak knives in the dishwasher and I'd be like, oh, I'm sorry, babe, I'll make sure to hand wash them. And then I'll say I don't like how you leave your shoes right there now, and he just says, oh, I'm sorry, babe, I'll make I'll do better with that. That's usually how it goes. It doesn't go like this. We're showing a very terrible example of us both being very offensive.
You got this ball rolling, we're going. So after Jay seats, he should stay a little inclined. He shouldn't lay flat on his back.
So thirty minutes, thirty minutes, Okay, after I found him this morning, I had to take a big old Okay, so I needed to put him down, right, you can.
Put him down in his rocker, that's inclined, okay.
All right, that bothers you. Then I'm just going to make sure that well stop burping him and having his spit up go all over the couch.
And we're getting rid of that carpet.
See, we're getting rid of that.
You like, act like you would bring that into the new.
House if I got it nicely cleaned. Yes, Oh where would you put it in the living room?
Oh?
But wait, she wouldn't because our designers didn't say that that rug should go in the house, So if they didn't say it should, then it doesn't belong there. Oh boy, this is a fund.
Can someone say, like, poor Janna this?
How in what way?
Okay?
I think you canna ask me what bothers me about the two of you?
Yeah, oh my god, I would love to hear that doing this, But I have nothing that bothers me about you.
Oh well, thank you much.
That's sweet.
That's the one little thing.
Yeah, I would love it.
We do a podcast for an hour a week. If we get through that hour without you guys eating, that would be really pleasure. I really appreciate it.
I know I was really hungry. Yeah, trust me, I know. I'm sorry I was. I was so hungry. I get so hungry.
Can you can you hear it on them? Mike? I'm like you can. Yeah.
It's a pet peeve of mine. Personally. I don't know if it's the listeners notice it. They may not pick up on it at all because we do something that is what yogurt like soft. Yeah, so maybe they wouldn't notice. But it's something that bothers me.
We see, we appreciate, we appreciate that feedback all right.
Absolutely, and we will respect that you guys are in here multiple hours a day as we're in here in your home for one hour once a week.
Respect the workplace. I think that's going to wrap it up, all right, guys. That was a great show that was all over the place.
Ye h.