Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.
Okay, so I have the amazing Cherie joining the podcast today because we had asked people to send in their questions and Shuri is incredible, so obviously we wanted to get her back on to go through these questions since I am not an expert and she is so CHERI.
Hi, so good to see you. Good to see you too. Are you doing good? Yeah?
Yeah, yeah good. I am like it's one of those things where I didn't realize how much I depended on the other person in my life to like help, you know, And it was one of those things where it's like, uh, I hired a nanny and she quit, and so now I have zero help. And it's one of those things where I'm like, I had just a total meltdown there night. I'm like, I did not ask for this to be like doing.
This alone, you know, it's so hard.
So I think I'm just like in a little funk. I'm being totally honest, but I'm.
Gonna tell you though, I'm so sorry that she quit, but you're gonna get used to it.
Yeah, And I honestly like, I don't even need anybody. I think I just needed someone and like for that first month just to like help me with like things that like you know, when I was struggling with like
depression and stuff. But now I'm like, Okay, I really just need help on like I only really need help like maybe one day a week because the other day is like Jolie's going to school and but yeah it is, but it's you know, it's just I have to Now I'm like the woman in the man of the house, right, so it's like I have to like, oh, crap, I forgot to take like I forgot to take out the trash can this morning, and like I'm like, yeah, you know,
like those are things that like weren't my responsibility. Yeah, and you know, I'm like I was calling one of my girlfriends, a Pamelin who I've had on the show a bunch. I'm like, like the air filters in the house, like I don't know what, Like I don't know what I'm doing. And then I'm like how often do I have to? So it's like learning all the like things
that usually a man would take care of. And again, like I like the fact that I can now do things on my time and like when I like stuff gets done around the house, which I love now because I'm I'm in control of it. It's great. At the same time, the other day, my poor neighbor. I called one of my neighbor husbands and I was like bawling and I was just like, there's a sprinkler like spewing out and I don't even know who to call.
And like the same day, like.
My water heater, like I was trying to give Jason bath. He's screaming. Jolie's crying about like because she didn't want to take a shower, and I'm like trying to turn the water on hot and it wouldn't get hot, and I'm like, well, I can't, you know, You're just like to like the I was like, God, seriously, like I don't know how to turn the water heater back on.
But it's like learning those things now.
I'm like, I'm like, I'm a total I'm a total catch because I'm a man and a woman.
That's what I was gonna say. Seriously, because you can I've never met somebody who is so capable like you, who's just like running all the things. And we've talked about that even before You're getting divorced, so you can. And I think you're brilliant that you called the neighbor husband because I was gonna say, I did things like, look, I know that I have an equal masculine and we all do and I can. I can do it all, but I don't want to.
I don't want to.
Take out the trash. So I started, like I hired man cleaners. So the man cleaners came to my house, all dudes, because I was just like, oh, it's testosterone around. It just has a different impact, you know, So task rabbit, runt a husband, they're all out there for these reasons.
Yeah, it was.
I had some I had a few people over in one of the guys the hut, like the husband's.
I was like, they're like, you know, anything you needed me to do?
And I was like, I mean, if you want to pick up the dog poop, like I'm like, and he's like, absolutely, where's the bag? So I'm like but yeah, but it's like some of those things, I'm like, I don't know how to do it. Having said that, I called my mom because my mom went through a divorce when she was well, when I was a freshman in high school, and you know, I called her freaking out about the water heater, and I'm like, how do I relight it? How do I know if it's broken if I need
a new one? I was like, you know, meanwhile, like Jason's screaming in my arm, because the last thing I wanted to do was like call my ex or calls you know, Like, I was like, I got to figure this out like myself, you know. So I called my mom because I remember my mom when my parents got divorced.
She's fixing the washer and dryer and getting the part and like getting dirty, like you know, like she's like she like she became the man too, and you know, to this day, she's like, you know, she lasts like her husband isn't like the handiest of men. So she's like she's like, yeah, she's like I can do all
of this. And so she told me how to like relight it, and it was it was a nice little bonding moment, but it's it is very interesting and you forget, like you forget how much you do lean on that other person.
Yeah, and then I start to go.
Oh, I hope, I like, man, maybe I should have been more appreciative of like those moments since then I start to like be upset about that, So I'm like, shoot, like maybe I didn't show enough appreciation before those things.
There's another blessing for this whole thing, right there. I always talk to you about, like what's the good reason and what's the gift in all of this. You're just becoming a better human moment by moment, And this is like a note to all of us that we need to teach our girls these things, because I don't think
it needs to be a gender role. It should be that whoever enjoys this task the most, whoever is the best person for the job, or whoever doesn't get diminished by it, you know, like I get diminished by taking out the trash or picking out the boop. So there should be a way to outsource to whoever would enjoy and not be taken out by these roles, not dependent on our.
Gender for sure.
No, I ended up even saying like I can't because I thought I was gonna be able to like keep both dogs, you know, because I have the kids, and I was like, I ended up saying like I can't keep the dogs anymore. Like I'm like they're they're sending me over the edge. Like I have too much to take care of that like the fact that like the dog dug up the sprinkler and broke it and then dug up underneath. I was like, I like, I don't.
I don't have another ounce in my like or second in my day to deal and I felt I feel terrible, but at the same time and I'm like, I just I can't. I can't have them around right now because it's like the last thing I want is for me to be yelling at my kids because my dogs are not pissing me off.
No, sincerely, And I would take away the feeling terrible right now because I've said it to you before. The more you want to give, the more you need. And you have a high bar for how you want to run your business and your life and be a mama. And if the dogs are leaking energy and there's an equally lovely home for them to go to that would have you be able to be the mom you want to be, then that's a brilliant move.
And I was thinking it kind of could be cute.
To like surprise the kids with a smaller dog, like, you know, maybe Christmas time when I have time and I'm you know, I like want one dog not to and not that destroy right, you know, but then again a puppy wolf. I don't know, but maybe maybe I'll be in a different spot and you know, however, many months the way that is, we'll see. Yeah, yeah, okay, So Shari, we have some listener questions and I want to just dive in if that's cool. This is from Christina.
I'm currently going through a separation and I'm going through a similar situation to Eu Jana and would love to get your advice.
A little background.
My daughter is four and my son is nice eighteen months, and I have no idea what to say to my daughter when I move out in a few weeks. Has Jana talked to Jolie about anything going on or why things are the way they are? If you feel comfortable, I would love to know what you have said to her or done to understand, help her understand, and I would love to sre like what I had said to Jolie was I said, you know, mommy and daddy are
are not going to be married anymore. I was like, but we're going to be great friends and we still love each other and we love you, and we're going to have separate houses, and so you're going to have a bet at Daddy's and you're going to have a bed here, and this is your home and that's your home. And like I just kept saying like we love you, we love you, we love you, we love you. And then I asked her, like, you know, is there anything you want to talk about or like do you have feelings?
And the only thing that she I think she said it was like can I watch my iPad? Now? I'm like, like I didn't know if like I didn't know, I like it like a registered to her. But then my friends were like, apparently she's telling everyone that like mommy and Daddy don't live together anymore, Mommy and Daddy have like separate houses. So I it now I know that
she gets it. And like last night was the first night that it was overnights and that was so incredibly painful because that was, yeah, the first time that I've experienced not having the kids in my home and in
our house. And but I wonder, like, you know, is it something because I've talked to a few people that said that they send their kids to a place to you know, talk to someone about it or and it's so hard for me, and sure you like maybe for this other person too, like she gets excited about Dad's house and like a part of me like dies inside and I'm like, that's great.
Like, oh my goodness, you love your room.
And then in my mind, I'm like, what do you want in your room? Do you want new bump beds? Like you know what I mean? And obviously I can't do that because I'm like, how do you do that healthy? Like obviously I would never like I'm always like, oh, that's great. I'm so glad you love it so much, but it kills me so help us out here?
How do we do it?
Ye?
Did I do it? That's so normal?
No, no, I think And you know, I'd love to just tell everybody.
I don't think there's a wrong. There's no right or wrong.
For each one of us, with our children who chose us in this life, We're going to go through this at our own pace in a way that with the best you know, with the best intentions, with all that we have to give. So I just I want to like have everybody take a deep breath about that. And I think it's different for every home. So what you did it was very similar to what I did is I think we did a slow, you know, a sort of slow transition, and I think that's always helpful when
it can be slow. It can't always be, but to have the kids get used to they my kids were already used to distance. Their dad didn't always he worked in la and so he wasn't always home, so there was some slow getting used to not having him around as much. And then when we decided that we were actually going to separate and that it would that it would be permanent, we told them that we loved them, and the exact same way that you did, like drenching
them with love. We both love you. We do still love each other, because I think at the end of the day, when you meet somebody, no matter what happens, like I went through a lot of hard times with him, but you can reduce, like a good reduction sauce the relationship back to the feeling that was there in the beginning that brought you together. And so we could genuinely say we love each other, but we know we're better
as friends and we're going to have two households. And it was exactly what and I think what they need is as they're ready as they ask questions because it they never can absorb at all, and they really don't know the impact that it's going to have at the beginning. But to tell them what's not going to change. Here are all the things that are going to stay the same, you know, and you can just lay it out in great detail, like you're still going to have your favorite
and cheese. You know, you're still going to go to the same school. We're still going to have all the same friends, you know, all the things that they really wonder about. And then to give them a chance to feel, like you said, to grieve. If they need professional support, there are so many great humans that focus on little ones that can work on this with them. And maybe you go with them and you have some time to throw it together. They will show you if they need that.
And I think you just being available for all the questions as they process, you know, your sense of confidence in the decision and knowingness is going to be like a warm blanket for them. Yeah.
I definitely hear that. And I'm curious too, because I have this a situation just arise and this is going to make me sound really like mean and probably bitchy, and I and I hate that and that I'm even going to like admit this, but you know, it's all about trying to learn a little growth here. But there was because you know, I'm in charge of like, you know, the kids schooling and this and that and the other.
But a part of me and he was like, well, let me know when you know it's her first day or this or that and the other.
And a part of me wants to be like, it's online, look it up.
Like why do I have to be in charge to tell you when your daughter's first day school is or when her first half day or when she has to take Like I don't know why it bothers me, but like the bigger person than me should be like, hey, here's the calendar of all this stuff. But at the same time, I'm like, go online, it's online.
Google it.
Yeah, that's a recipe for some resentment to build up, because if you find, like I did, go through I found I was absolutely doing everything the lion's share of all of it, you know, And I think in the beginning I wanted that control and I wanted you know, that freedom, and I knew I could do it. But after a while I was like, hey, sir.
Can you like take over dunist stuff?
You know something well, and so I don't want to mean much of that. It's more like he wont like like, hey, I want to know when this is, but I'm like, it's it's public knowledge, like go on, go on their school's website and find it out. Like and so is it okay for me to be like hey or is that bitchy of me to be like to say like, this is what this is?
And that is no, not at all bitchy. It's it's the bitchy part is saying this is giving more than I have to give. That's a need in you that you want to recognize and go, ah, that feels too much. And to have your own back all the way along is the greatest way to get through this. To know, like what we've talked about this, you know, to put yourself to bed, to get extra support, to say I've that on me and I'm going to take care of
me to get through this. So what it looks like is if you're in charge of education, Let's say you're in charge of.
That, I mean all of it, doctor, yeah, all of it, the activities, you're in charge all of it.
Too much until you don't want to be in charge of all the things. You can say, I can take education, and I can happily give you the schedule and all the things related to education. If you can take doctors and other things like, think about the other things in their life that he could take over that you would gladly want to give up or bit by bit if you say, I can do all the school stuff, but I'm going to rely on you to keep yourself up to date on the dates. It's got to be what
feels right. Don't try to like steamroll the feeling that that's telling you it's too much. I don't want to do that. Yeah, it's about making a deal, you know, Like if I do this and I take on all the updates for you and everything, then what about the life like Kenny come and always be on poop duty when he comes to pick up the kids?
Do you know what I mean?
What parts do you want to give up so that you don't feel like you're doing at all?
No, that makes sense, Danielle. I am loving this vibe and energy you have lately now that you're single. What is something you enjoy more now than when you were married? Also, how have the kids been doing this seems so happy as well. Now that you're single, what is something you enjoy more now than when you were married. Sure, it's interesting. I love my alone time, huh. And I have never liked alone time. I love it, like love it.
If this was going to kick in when you were so worried about the overnights, and I know, it's really, really really last.
Night was awful.
It was terrible, and I think it was because it was the first time. But I'll get into a routine of like, okay, like I'll do my like Bible study stuff on Wednesday nights or whatever, like.
Oh, beauty, you will your friends will be like, I'm sorry, you are living the dream. You get every other weekend off, you know, you.
Start to get used to it, and I get that, and but then also I'm like, but I didn't want every other weekend off. I didn't want every Wednesday off, you know. So it's like having said that though, because I do spend so much time with them, because I'm with seventy thirty is our custody seventy percent of the time, is like I need that, and now when I don't have that, I have help.
I'm like Okay, I do.
I know I need that like day because I'm starting to get like short or I'm starting to like my you know, my my wheels need a little grease.
And yeah, I think one hundred percent for anybody is really really hard, and a seventy thirty arrangement gives you this now ability to see who you emerge as in that space. I think space is vital for all of us. Most of us don't get enough Srea.
This next question I definitely want to talk to you about because I hadn't mentioned, I would say it's from Angela. Last week on your podcast, you mentioned that you haven't been happy and so long? Can you expand on that? Was it you just going through the emotions but not
truly happy? And I realized when I said that, I'm like, man, this is going to come off harsh to people that probably follow us, because I did, like I should I was, you know, I was, and and you know, the week that I found out everything, Mike and I both were like, man, we're so good right now, like we're so happy and like in love and like and I did feel that having and then when I said, you know, I've been unhappy for so long, that I am that I am
open to having that new maybe potential partner because I have been miserable.
But and people are like, yeah, but you.
Want another baby, and I was like, I think I said that because yes, like's it was a for seven years, it was a struggle, like always wondering when the next shoe is going to you know, like when the next explosion was going to happen, or and it was always like this this constant battle and this constant work. And yes, we had moments where we were happy and and I believed in the book that we wrote and I but
there was also I don't think. I think all of that stuff and all of the things that happened in the marriage was such a weight on me that once it was lifted, was like, wow, I was really unhappy, Like I was being held down by all that energy and it really affected like me, and like that's why people now are like, oh, you look seem so happy, and I'm like in light and like because I like feel that way, and I'm like, oh my god, Like
I actually was like really unhappy. But I was just like I wanted to I wanted to fight for it's so bad because it was my kids, and it was my family and it's like, God, this is what we've like, you know, we were the good fight, you know, so it's like, what a failure if I if like we don't end up together And it was just all this like stuff, and I'm like, is is it possible to be unhappy but also coasting through and having moments of happiness? Like because it confused me too even when I said.
It, Yeah, well it's a big admission. You know, we're all here trying to experience happiness in life. That's the whole point of it, I think. And then when you're not and you say it's been seven years, it's a big it's a big thing to say, you know. And I think it rocks people because we're all doing a really good job on surface on social media looking like we are, you know. But you were brave enough to be honest about the weight. And I think that's it,
the heaviness. You're such a good coper. You are tolerating and coping and doing your best despite this giant weight, rise up and do all the things. And I think a lot of us are a lot of us, in different areas of our life, can probably admit that there's there are a lot of obstacles and heaviness that we'd love to remove, and you just showed everybody that you can and that it doesn't have to mean that it's a failure. Because what I'm interested in seeing now is
what's possible for you in the lightness. You know, when you give someone actually freedom like that what they need and you remove fear and the stress. I think you're going to see that your soul actually did call this all in because who you emerge as and the amazing amounts of love that are going to come into Jason Jolly's life, you know, through you, through Mike, through just
the extended community. Now you see neighbor husbands coming over, friends coming over, like there's a whole lot added, not just being lost.
I don't know if I want to, Ashley, I don't know, she wrote she was Does Mike I feel sorry for what he did?
Did he want to try with you? Again?
For so long now we have heard both of you talk on the podcast about relationship and have gotten both of your points of view.
You know, Hm, I think.
We both realized that it wasn't this relationship wasn't serving either one of us, and I think there comes a time where he knew that if something were to happen to this extent that I said, I was done. And for the first time in my life, I have threatened it many times. I mean, you know, I separated from him and I had to follow through with because if not, I would have kept happening. And so I think I think he realizes that. And I think here's something too
sure that I I think. I mean, he has said sorry, but there's something in me that I don't feel that certain women actually get the sorry that they deserve. And I told my therapist, you know, I was just like, if I got a sorry that really felt off, like really just like and that that's what I've like, I'm like,
then I can like, okay, move on and heal. But I'm like, I will I don't think I'll ever get that because I don't think people in that situation will ever fully grasp what I actually and what other people actually feel in that situation.
Yeah, and may I hope maybe one, but I can't wait. I can't.
I have I have learned that I have to walk away knowing I'll never get the sorry that I believe that I deserve, so.
That makes sense.
And that's really hard because I'm like, it baffles me. I'm like, I would be on my knees, like you know.
But I think that just is evidence though that if there was the self awareness and the health and well being enough to say a real.
Sorry like that, that.
You might not be here, you know, because then that would suggest that person is really aware and deeply aware and healed, you know, not going through the struggle. Like I think I've heard those words. We've been divorced over ten years, and I think I've heard attempts, but I still don't feel like there's a true awareness of what
this did and the pain that it caused. And where I get my sorry, where I get closure and peace is knowing that my soul called this in, knowing who I've become because of it, Knowing that I work through all my own childhood traumas through this man, that he the perfect man to work it through. And you know, the idea that we accomplished what we were here to do in a ten year marriage versus a lifetime, Yeah, sure that we did it.
Yeah, we need to have.
Like I was talking to another girl too about this, It's like we need to for the women that haven't gotten sorry they deserve. I want to be able to say like, I am sorry like that you had to go through this, yes, because you like, hey, I want that for you know. And it's like I would love that if someone did that for me, you know. So it's like there's something I think that could be really cool around that.
For sure, beauty, you should because this is something I actually learned a long time ago that you know, when you let's got into a car crash, you wouldn't go to the person who hit you in the car to put you back together.
You'd go to a doctor.
You know that we can go to each other and say, I am so sorry that you're going through this. I am so sorry for your pain and for the hurt when your kids leave, for their pain, and just do a really good, generous I'm sorry for each other and that is deeply healing.
It sure is. Sure, thank you so much.
I know you have to run, but thank you for coming on and we'll definitely have you come back on again very soon.
All right, I want to give you one more thing, okay, on the note of the competition, you know, feeling like I want my room or room to be better than it likes, or I want to have a better time here at my house. Just remember that this whole idea that every child has two parents, there is only one, Jenna. Those babies will only be able to get what they need from you, through you and the way that you
give it. So love on yourself for wanting to meet their needs and make them happy, like, oh, that's just coming from a longing to give them the greatest life, which is so unbelievably dear, And then just root down and know that Mike is Mike. You or you. They called in you both and they're going to get all they need from you.
Yeah, I love that. Thanks Serie. I appreciate you. All right, I appreciate you, Honey. Talks soon, all right, talk soon, all right.
We're going to take a break, and then why have some more questions?
Hi?
Mark?
Hi?
First of all, how are you tell me about your life because I'm kind of sick of talking about mine.
I'm fine, everything's fine here. We had family in town over the weekend, and we made up for a year and a half of an activity in one weekend.
So you're exhausted.
You know, when you lived in La I'm sure you had this people coming to visit, and so you have to do all of the touristy things and everything you can imagine.
You know what I would do though, I would just like get car and be like there's the Hollywood Walk of Fame. There's like never get out, which is it's a drive.
We got out. We did a dodgery game. We did the beach, we did the Walk of Fame, we did the Observatory, we did the Santa Barbara Zoo like we were ever.
That's a that's a cute zoo q zoo.
We did the Brady Bunch House, the Golden Girls House, the Back to the Future house wow in three days.
Yeah, well, I've never seen the Brady Bunch, this all the other ones. So maybe when I come to LA next week, you can do a round two and show me a.
Rrady Bunch is great. Okay, the Future is great. They look just like it. They're unchanged. Golden Girls was disappointed. They've painted it, they put a fence up. They want no part of the pop culture history that they're living. And so that's too.
Bad, right, that is a bummer. Yeah, all right, do we have any more questions?
All right?
Melissa asks, I also have just ended things with my husband. It did not expect to feel lost and fused like I do. We were together for so long and jured every part of our lives together. Is there anything I can do to feel like myself again without having him part of my life? What does help you?
So I have redone pretty much the entire house. I'm about to do the podcast room. This is the last room. But I've I've sold a bunch of stuff on Facebook Marketplace, and I have just rearranged. I gotten new pieces, and I actually I sold my ring, and that money from the ring was the furniture and the the new additions to the house and like the new new chairs and this. So that was like kind of my because I debated.
I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna sell this ring and then I'm gonna maybe buy myself something like a bag or like my divorce present. And I was like, honestly, what would make me happiest is to have new energy in the house. And so I just I took that money and then I gave it to my I heard these entire design ladies and said, this is the budget and redo the rooms. And so it's nice to feel because this is our house, and we made memories here and and I needed to create a new space that felt
like me and felt like mine. And so now I have someone actually over right now painting the bar room and I'm going to make it this really cool, little like girly you know, you know, wine bar, and so I'm that's helped me a lot. And then also, I mean I the first month, like I again, because I liked that companionship. I was just you know, stared at the walls and didn't move until I basically fell asleep.
But now it's like, okay, I'm gonna you know, call a friend, or I'm starting to make my own traditions at night and you know, I'm reading books or I'm watching shows and and not and not letting myself kind of sit there. So the more that you kind of get yourself out and start doing things, you start to feel like yourself. And then you're like, what do I like to do? Like, oh, I actually enjoy sitting out here by myself, or I like, you know, I like
catching up with old friends. So just I would just find something that you try to create new spaces and also you know, go through the emotions. But then also figure out something that will make you happy and what you want to do.
Sorry to jump back to this, Okay, the emotion of selling the ring. Was it a get this away from me? Or was it a pretty difficult thing or both.
I mean, it's the second ring I've had to get rid of from him, because the first ring, I was like, I will never put this back on my hand. And so he had reproposed to me in Napa a few years ago with this now new ring, and I took every diamond he ever bought me and I sold them because I didn't want to look at them ever again because to me, like, for example, he brought me this be beautiful, I mean beautiful. It's actually made me sad.
It's a beautiful bracelet for our book to congratulate on the best time seller, and you know, just like you know, he thanked me for you know, the work that I put in in our relationship, and I wanted to keep it so bad because it was such a pretty bracelet, but it represented something that was not true, you know. For it was true that I, you know, worked very hard for the relationship, but I just didn't like the to me, it represented our book and the and it
hurt me too much to keep that. So I mean I took every ear ring, I took every bracelet, I took the wedding ring, and I had my two girlfriends, Shane Grimes and Sarah Gretzky, and we went to the jeweler and I said take it, leton know how much? And they yeah, you know, they called the guy and it felt I mean, it was sad, but at the same time, they could be the most beautiful things in the world. But if it doesn't, what they represented made them the ugliest things I've ever seen, right.
And they would It's almost like a curse or something like every time you saw them, all these negative things would come to mind. Getting them away from you, I think is cathartic.
Yeah, it was.
And then that's when I'm like, okay, and now I've got this check and that was well, I'm like, what am I going to do with it? Well, I'm gonna represent you know that, have cleaned the house with it, and get new new stuff, new furniture, and then get rid of the other stuff because I don't want that reminder.
We get rid of the plane pictures behind you.
Yes it's actually someone just got that today on Facebook. Mark Place for fifty bucks, so nice, and the food done, so I've got a hole, Like this room is going to look sick, it's going to look so cool. So yeah, this is the last room that needs to be done, so excellent.
Yeah all right, Kyle says, I'm curious where you are currently with your anxiety, with anxiety and myself and you had said it has calmed down so much since you went your separate ways. Has this kept up and do you have advice for me and how I can call mine.
Relationally or like it was okay, So.
I mentioned this on the podcast a few weeks ago, But my anxiety has been.
Amazing.
Like, I haven't really had anxiety. The one time that I had anxiety was obviously the first day, the morning of because when I was reading all the stuff on like Twitter and Instagram, it was like China Grammar files for divorce and it set me just like into a tail span of anxiety and it was really really bad and that was hard, and we talked about that previously.
But so since then, my anxiety has been great. It only gets bad when, honestly, when when there's communication with Mike and it's heated, it just it good brings me right back to like those moments of just our relationship and so limiting communication has been really helpful for my anxiety.
And then, honestly, like what helps for me is if you're struggling, there's a lot of grounding exercises that you can do sometimes, like I'll put my feet out, I'll go outside and put my feet like you know, it's grounding, like your literally your feet to the to the concrete or grass or whatever. But there's a lot of tips on how to ground yourself. And then, I mean, I have no shame in it. I take medicine, and honestly, though I was thinking the other day, I'm like, man, I'm like, I'm I have.
Such a weight lifted up.
And then because I don't have anxiety and wake up in the middle of the night anymore, like I almost don't even feel like I I.
Need it anymore.
But I'm gonna I'm gonna slow step that because maybe I'm just maybe that's just the beginning.
So we'll see. But just give yourself grace.
And I will say this too, don't hide from the fact that there's been plenty of times when I've been afraid to talk to someone I'm like, oh, they're going to think I'm ridiculous. I'm having a panic attack. The more I say I'm having a panic attack right now, like most of the times, people can be like, Okay, how can I help you? And it helps me like know that I'm all right, And I.
Think that that's a reason, like you were talking about with Shari to send him the school calendar, you know.
But it makes me feel bitchy though, But you can do it.
A different way, like you don't have to do it bitch Like, here you go. I think this will help you know whatever, try to spin it positively. But anything that limits the communication I think is going to be beneficial to you.
Yeah, yeah, yes, all right, Lauren.
How have you navigated learning the things your partner used to be in charge of? Oh, we hit on this a little bit earlier. For example, my partner was in charge of maintenance around the house, and the other day I had to fix a broken air conditioner. I had no idea where to start. I want to learn to do things on my own, but sometimes it's just too much. It's been exciting or stressful or overwhelming for you. Are there times you're stubborn asking for help from others.
Oh yeah, I'm like, I have the hardest time asking for help, and you know, I think you have to. I think it's one of those things. Is as hard as it is for me to ask for help.
Well, I don't even know the best thing. I don't even have help anymore. I need help, but you know, Okay.
So, for example, I was with Pamela on the other day and I was like, I'm so stressed out. I need help, and She's like, how can I help you? And I was like, no, no, no, I'm fine, and she's like, you just said you need help. So I'm offering, like saying like how can I help you? And then I was like, well, okay. For example, like I need someone to watch the kids next Friday because Mike's out of town and I'm a town and I don't have anyone that can help. She's said, great, what time do you
need me over there? I can bring the kids over, And instantly I was like, oh, really, like okay, thank you. But I'm like I don't want to burden any of my friends too, right, But at the same time, I'm like I'm I'm I'm at my like limit, Like I feel like I'm going to have like a nervous breakdown.
Jackie says, You're doing it all and it's so amazing to see. How do you juggle your kids, your work, your friends, your family, and yourself and your healing. Where do you put the priority and are there times you're torn and what to focus on? Is this easier or more difficult to do since ending.
Things with your Rex, I mean, I kind of.
It talks about that with Schui where my focus is And I wrote this to an email with Mike. I was like, I need you to take the dogs because they're setting me over the edge and my focus is the kids and the kids only, and I don't have I don't have a second at the end of the day. I don't because I'm with the kids and then I work when they go down. So by like ten o'clock, I'm exhausted. Do I want to go outside and pick up dog poop?
No?
Do I want to?
Like, yeah, I'm like I can't. I'm like, or fix the sprinkler head that was just broken. Like so I think it's about knowing like my limitations and knowing that like I can't handle an extra set of two dogs, and it's like I so again, maybe down the road, like I'll figure out a rhythm, but I'm not there and I need and I need help. But I think, you know, back to the question, which.
Was how do you balance it all?
It's hard to balance, but I think I'm just I'm figuring out the new normal. I'm figuring out, Okay, what can I handle and what can I not handle? Well, right now, I can't handle the dogs, so they got to go.
And you know that.
Some people might say I'm mean for that, but I'm doing them a favor because honestly, I would love to keep Waffles, but they love each other so much that I don't want to separate the two sure Chance and Waffles, so that's not fair for them.
So I'm actually being selfless and saying you're keeping them together.
So yeah, I'm with you. I understand how that could be. There's always going to be one way thing too many. Yeah, Jazzy says, your girl's trip looked like so much fun. Did you have to get into the mindset of having fun and letting loose or was that easy to get into that mode? Were you nervous at all about how you would feel? Yeah?
I was.
I thought i'd be I was. I thought I would be a lot sadder, but I was.
Yeah.
It was fun, like I really like just had a good time. And there was moments where I got a little sad, but my girlfriends were like, snap out of it, like you got this, like we're good, we're good, we're having fun. You're letting your little girls out like like you know, we're like or you know, like we're we're
we're doing this. And honestly, again, the only time that I had a tough time was when I communicated with Mike and Catherine took my phone and she goes, no communication because I know exactly who you're talking to right now, and I'm like, well but like and you know, she's like nope, he's not gonna like no, you guys are not talking right now. So yeah, that was that was the only time that I had was the communication.
So did you get hit on?
Yeah, like I still got it.
Yeah, you know that's the whole point of the weekend.
Right, Yeah, it felt nice.
It was Yeah, but then he lost me at the he like we're at this bar and he's like, you know, he was cute, he's tall, he was cute and like he came up and started talking to me, and I was like, all right, like I'm you know, I'm just gonna enjoy the flirt. And he was like he was cute until he was like, can I come to Nashville and play the ukulele for you?
And I'm like, I.
Don't really think a ukulele isn't really like a sexy instrument.
No, Like I think I'm good.
Yeah, So I turned that one down. And then yeah, there was one other one who was like so the night of my anniversary or would have been my anniversary, there was these like married men, all married and but they were like fun, you know, and they they were kind of like having fun with us, and they're like you should come on this yacht.
So that so that they sent over wine to us and.
We're like thanks, you know, and then after we got done having our wine, they're like, come come sit with us, and like they again they were like good guys. It actually kind of made me sad because I'm like, you know, they're like showing me pictures of their wives and their kids. The one was like on the verge of a divorce.
So he was the one that started the like, you know, the fun flirtatious thing going on, and you know they were there was funny because they were all at the table like trying to set me up.
They're like, oh, what about this guy? Oh what about this guy?
Like, oh what about like my friend here, and they're like showing me photos and I'm like, guys like and then they're like, what about this guy.
He's got a big yacht.
And we're going on the yacht tomorrow. And I was like, I Am not going on a yacht. I was like, well, who's going these They're like, oh, these like twenty like some like twenty girls, and like I'm like not happening, Like I'm not, I don't care how much of money he has, like, and they're like, yeah, he's like a billionaire.
I was like, I don't care.
It does not like genuinely like I am self made and I never want to rely on a man or anything Like I'm fine, I can take care of myself. I don't need to like go on this dude's yacht. So we end up my friend Pamelain ends up finding her friend was in town and she was on a yacht. Well it happened to be at the same yacht. Uh, you know, whatever harbor or whatever that they took off from. So we are on another person's yacht and we were texting the one of the guys and we're like hey,
like we basically see their boat. And the one guy that they were trying to set me up with was like, what are you doing on that boat? And I was like, I don't need your boat.
I got my own boat. And it was like epic because I'm like, dude, I don't give it. I don't care like that. I'm like, you don't care.
But what if he was an awesome dude? Like take the money out of it?
I mean, we ended up.
I ended up seeing him at the They invited us to drinks the night that I got hit on by yukulele boy, and and he was he was very nice, like very nice guy. You know, it wasn't it was again, it was nice to flirt, but it wasn't saying yes, yeah, well I.
Think that was the time for flirting. It's not time to go past flirting, right.
Unless I meet someone that like I really like, I don't, I don't know, like I I'm open to it.
Good, Yeah, all right, I think we have one more.
He really is there one more, Corey.
I need some advice on how to handle a touchy subject, how I feel about it. I broke up with my ex a few months ago, and I'm starting to feel like I want to talk to other guys again. I'm more finding someone new and what my ex will think about me dating again. We share a little girl together, so he's still in my life and I don't want any negative opinions to ruin potential data relationships. Do I tell him first or tell him only when I'm in
a future relationship. Well this segues nicely to what we were just talking about.
Yeah, so I've definitely like I don't want to know who Mike is hanging out with. I don't want him to know who I'm hanging out with. But when it's serious, that's then the conversation to be like, hey, you know, this person is someone i've been seeing for six months plus maybe whatever time, and there's someone that I would.
Like the kids to meet.
I think you have to have that conversation and respect your spouse or partner or whatever, because I would be very upset if he introduced the kids to a girl without my knowledge, for sure, and we had a we're very on the same page with that, So you know, I think it's again one of those things where if it's serious and you can see yourself being in a long term relationship with that person and it's involving the kids, that's when you should say something. But until that point,
I don't think you have to say anything. None of their business and all I don't want to know, So like, only come to me when like you're about to introduce the kids to the next maybe mom, stepmom, yeah, whatever.
You're going to date a lot of yukulele boys and ex boyfriend doesn't need to know about every one of them.
That's fine, exactly like me and are going to go out and yeah, like it's none of their business, is right.
Until the kids were involved? Then it becomes their business.
Yeah, because you know that person is essentially and you know, whoever is in my life is going to have the kids seventy percent of the time, So they're going to have more time with my kids than their own dad, which I could not handle if that was the first But I mean.
You're gonna have a hard time with a thirty percent. But we'll cross that bridge, will we come to it?
Yeah, I want a hundred, but I guess it's not fair for the kids.
I'm actually thinking about my children and it's very hard when I'm like, they're my kids. Oh anyways, well, fun show. I opened up about Miami.
That was fun.
Oh lord yeah, mm hmm.
Oh.
Also, my friends tried to get me to sign up for a dating app and I went on there and I was like, guys, I have had zero hits. And my friend's like, well, let me see the photo.
And they're like, because it's with you and your two kids, and I was, oh gosh, what, I'm like, it's my kids.
My friend's like, you will not get any hits, and I was like, well then, I like, then I'm getting off of this thing.
Like then like if they don't like.
No, so I'm never I'm never going on a dating app again. It lasted for one day.
I don't know a lot about dating apps, obviously, but I do think it's I think protocol is you could include that as one of your sub photos, so your main photo cannot be that.
But I'm a mom. I wanted them to know I understood.
I'm a mom and I love my kids, and I thought I looked cute in the photo. But apparently like I mean, like me, Jolie and Jay's like are really rocking it, but like yeah, but no, I immediately got off, like within that day. I was like, f this, Like I'm not taking a picture of my kids down as my main profile, because that is who I am.
You know, I suppose I see your.
Side too, Like I see your side too, Like hey, but like I would want to know that they're a parent, But maybe that's because I'm in this situation. So anyone that's probably looking maybe the kids.
Saying hide that you don't want to hide it, and it's just not the main first thing they seek because look, they're going to be I already number three in your life no matter what. And yes it's good to know that, but no one wants to hear that the first thing. Wow, fun swiping. I think swiping's fun just on somebody else's phone.
Yeah, it's great, But when nobody likes you back and it really hurts the ego, like genuinely hurts the ego, and they're like, put this picture up and then like then you'll get a bunch I was like, no, again, I'm off this thing, like I'm if I'm going to meet someone you know.
It'll be through friends or you know.
Uh, that black and white Instagram photo from just a few weeks ago. It's going to get you a lot of swipe rights on it, on whatever dating app you choose.
I'm not doing anymore dating it. Okay, not happening. Oh my goodness.
Okay, well now I'm blushing and getting sweaty, so I'm getting off now.
I love you guys. We'll talk next week.