Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio Podcast. Oh we're now on the record, now on the record. Hi, Hi, it's a just Kristen today. Jk get a Jake, it's just us, no kit Kat. We have some good memories together, you and I we've really done it good, like duo moments together in the past. I got real emotional this morning, so I know you wrote quite an emotional and I was like, well, first I thought you were canceling. I
know it was my first thing. Actually was going to change it, and I kind of wanted you guys to think it so that you would go in like a too use thematic pregnant person. Well no, I just wanted you to like really read because I was like, everyone's going to see a paragraph and dip out. Yeah. I was like, oh, no, this is her. I saw the Preston seven match. I was like, oh, she's canceling. No, her own baby shower. Here we go. No, I'm having a little shower. And I just am emotional because it's
my last baby. How do we know for sure though, because I'm a hundred Well no, I mean our friend Nancy had a baby until forty she was forty five. Yeah, I'm not doing that.
Yeah.
Yeah, just so we're super clear. Yeah, I just got emotional this morning. I was like, it just means a lot. I mean I got I just was thinking of all the things you and I have done, chapters, husbands, babies, I mean, yeah, we're going on almost a decade. Kramer, right, Oh, yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot, I know. I mean, I'll never forget the moment that you were sitting on my bus bed and you told me that you were pregnant with love and it was just and You're like, funny thing, funny story.
Me too, me too.
And that's kind of where it started. I mean, we really did it, and we continue to do it supportive
and good. It's I get the the lasts of things, Like I remember when I was putting away Jase's I was taking apart his crib and building his like first little toddler crib bed, and I remember just crying, going, this is the last crib I'm going to have, and just kind of like having that like cry fast and then I'm you know, with us moving to the new house, the designer was like, hey, do you want a big boy bed for Jace oh, and I was like, well,
he does have a big boy bed. She's like, well, that's like a I mean that's like what like a really small like a twin thing. Yeah. And she's like, I mean Jolie has a I think she might have either a full or queen. Yeah. And I was just like, well, I don't want to talk about right now. It's a lot like I cried when we took apart the crib every time, did you keep the crib?
No?
Yeah, okay, yeah, there's just I remember like going, okay, I need to sell these things, like the clothes, and like I everyone knows that I enjoy getting dressed for myself, so the fact that I mean, imagine when I have these two little clients that I get to get dressed. So we have so many like rubber maids of just like honestly at least fourteen rubber maids of like clothes in our attic and the crib, and I could never get rid of either, and I just every single time
I just would look at Preston. I was like, it's too much, and I would just close the attic door. Because I think I always knew that you always knew you'd have another one. Well, I always wanted another one, but Preston's a middle kid, and so he was the reason we did not at first have another one. And then he came to me and said, I feel like we make really cool people, you do, And I was like, well, respectfully, I raise cool people. Well you're on a tour bus.
But I'll take the indirect compliment. That's fine, and you're not wrong. So we tried for two years and nothing, So I don't try for two years, I mean like actively trying each month, like I'm ovulating. Yeah, wow, yeah, And I can't take you that along with legend love. No, I'm spoiled in that way. I always am hesitant to even share that because I'm surrounded by so many and I work with so many moms that have struggles getting pregnant and if they can get pregnant, keeping the baby.
But we've never that's never been an issue. So two years and I kind of just thought it was just not gonna happen for us. Yeah, and then here we are, but you're you can now close the attic door once. This is it. As I climbed your stairs like it was Mount Everest today and needed an oxygen tank. Right around the third or fourth stair, I was like, Yep, this will do it, this will be it. I'm just
really thankful. It's interesting. Sorry, I'm just alive on my mom that you talked about the clothes, because I thought so. When I was first pregnant with Jolie, Catherine was like, oh, I can't wait to see what you dress like high you're to dress your little girl. And at first I would put like the cutest things together, and then within like a few months, I was like, oh, screw this, Like it's a lot of work. It is a lot
of work. And then it's really expensive too. Like I remember I bought Jolie a pair of I think they were Oh they were like Jannati Zuppie or whatever. Yeah, really about like zepis is I love us some brand? Like we made this joke on stage out wind down about not knowing brand, like not being able to say it. Yeah, So those are expensive, expensive, And that's the only pair I've ever bought that was expensive because I'm like m M because they all grow them. What I did do, though,
is there was a Onesie. There was a Onesie and a PJ that I kept of Jolie's that it was like, yeah, Cramer, I know. I mean like I kept like her lovey and like you know, stuff like that, but no clothes. Wise, that's all I kept. I have two rubber maids of stuff that no other baby will touch, that will get passed down to love and legends kids. Yeah. No, I want it to be nothing. That's the thing. I mean.
I remember I got some stuff passed down for my mom and then like even like Mike's parents were like, hey, here's like a cute little PJS at that mic war so like we put that on Jas and that was really cute. So like, I've kept like literally one or two things. I don't know why. For me, I'm just kind of like, I like, I wish I could do that. But then I'm also like, well why would I keep the extra because I'm just like I don't like stuff,
so I don't either. Interesting fun fact. Fun fact. But I think I always knew someone else was coming, or I prayed. I always felt it. I always wanted three or four, and I tried to reconcile my brain that the one we lost was the third m but I just couldn't. So I don't know if I was just waiting to the age where it was like medically impossible for me to have another baby, and then I could sell it all or what the deal was. But yeah, I've kept all the CL's the cloth in the crib.
That's it. And I'm really super lucky because we have two friends in our friend groups that have had their third babies two June's ago and then last June, and so by this June, I'm getting all the good hand me downs. Oh that's great, yes, and don't have to buy a bunch of I don't like gadgets. Stresses me out. Yeah, like all the gadgets, like here's your sanitizer bottle. Well, I went through your lists and it was very minimal, minimal.
I was like, she either has kept all of them m m or or I'm on the organ trail Oregon trail. Then covered a wagon did this and I can't we Sarah Bryce and I were trying to figure out. We're like, what do you think she really wants from this list? And I'm like, I don't really think she Like, she doesn't need no any of Like I didn't even want to make a registry, but you do need it though. That's the thing I got the shape like as you
know what I mean. So it's like I'm just happy that, like you did do that because my friends are going to buy big bows and like if it's a girl, it will be I'll be inundated with like bow's as big as a tad. And I was like, I can't do that, so I got to keep it real streamline. I personally think the most offensive gifts are from the in laws or the parents. I don't or they were they like Jolie still can't fit into certain clothes. That's like they've been she's she was given me three years ago,
like twelve. I was like, it's big. It's big on her mom. Yet it's like I can wear my mom. I remember with Love. So we did find out Love's gender. We did not find out Legends gender, and we're not finding out this one's gender. Say I would want to do that in the third it's so fun. It was so fun with Legend that I was because Amazon Prime and Target makes it so easy now to collect things. Its fast, like I could have a whole room done
by the time I leave the hospital, you know. But my mom was like, so I got Love her take home outfit, like the outfit she was going to wear them from the hospital and moms of that, and I was like, oh, doesn't that seem intimate or personal like something the mom or Okay, just checking because I remember being like, oh, okay she was again, so this is what she'll wear on the way made sure she like said it three times did Yeah, yeah, that's nice for you.
Second baby was more boundaries than the third baby. I'm not what no visitors told July I need to. I was like, I'm gonna need you to hold a leg. We're in deep now, Grammar. I mean, this is your baby. I've come me to the hospital and duh, okay, okay, I'm just so glad we're out of the I can't imagine the COVID era of pregnancies because all those moms deserve a refund. Really, I mean truly having the labor with mass On, Oh can't. I have so many words
for that. But yeah, and then the people not being able to be there, So that part I actually wished was a rule for me. You know, I love a boundary. I want everybody there. Okay, this is our personalities. Are you a Jana?
Are you a like?
I like I when I had Jolie, it was in laws, my parents, Catherine, where were you my, I don't know, you're always I have both FaceTime pictures of me and Labor Yeah, with you and I So I think you were LA with love La. Well you had love yeah, but Jace, so but you were in LA yeah, so you couldn't be in my right church yeah, but no for my like yeah, I'm like, I'm more the merrier.
And then when I had Jace in Los Angeles, like we had his parents fly in, so I love and like Sarah Gretzky came to the hospital like I'm I'm like, do you have music going? Will you labor?
Well?
Here was my with my Well, y'all can listen to Jace's. And that's the most like embarrassing labor podcast episode I've ever done, because it's me going like I got that pass. Oh my god, I just threw up. Like it's like it's I'm like, why we're in the right vie do this? And why did we we podcasted our delivery like literally Mike pressed for cord and it was and we didn't
edit any of that down. No, Okay, those are the things on this episode of sea of regret for my sea section of Jason, but like I am the worst, like because I have to have sea sections, and so they had to knock me out both pregnancies. They had to or they were just like, let's do ourselves as solid. Well, I started freaking out because I can't feel my legs. I mean, like I was like, I can't feel my legs. I should have been my a doula for you. I feel like I could have really helped you. Well that's
I mean, I just think that's the most traumatizing. Like I don't like to not be able to feel my legs but feels. And so when I then woke up and you know, they're like seasong my belly, you know, baby comes out. I'm still like high on xanax or whatever they gave me. So they placed the baby or whatever dead dio is a pan or whatever, and then they laid the baby on my chest. And then in that moment is kind of when I start to come to.
And then that's when I'm like, oh, gave you give me the more I said, They're like, we can't give you any more about I said, I was like, no, it is the weekend at Bernie's legs. That will start to make a girl Panmic I'll say, I don't like it. I understand. Sorry, I don't mean to figure out as you're like, no, I feel really good. I like calm, quiet, no people very sacred like it is. I don't want anyone in the room while I'm doing I mean, you
can't with the see section. Besides, you're like person. I want to share this little brief story because a lot of moms have been messaging me about just my opinions on boundaries and my openness about my parents. It's been really sweet, actually, but this is a brief story. So I made this post the other day about like we have shut down visitors for six weeks at our house because you know, none of our family lives here, so when they come to visit, they have to like move
in for days. And that's a lot for me. And and that's I'm just not that person. And I've tried really hard to be that person. I feel like it's not christ Like to not be that person. So I've really gotten like holy and in the depths, and I still can't do it. So now I just know that's just who I am, and that's Okay, thank you Amy Alexander at the refuge center. Really I'm not going to try to sing it because only one of us does that, so not very well. So I made this post and
I was like, we're not accepting visitors. This is the sacred time. Like it's just like I have waited for the deep breath of like that was our last visitor, that was my last sheet set to wash, and now we just get to be together in this sacred space. And then I've really pushed it out to like not even the grandparents until July, which I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of hate. I'm not saying that we're due beginning of June. But my world is me with these kids and sometimes a Dada when he's off
the road. So like it's a little more disruptive and less helpful when I have guests in the house. So I remember I had requested that the two days I was in the hospital with Love that we have no family at the hospital. That Creston and I had just met each other like five minutes before that, so we were still trying to get to know each other and our baby, and I had the weekend to Bernie's legs and a bedpan. I was peeing in a bedpan. Reston said, my mom and my brother are outside the door. His
mom lived six hours away. And I just had a big smile and I go why and he's like, well, they drove down, and I said, with a horrible idea, and they were in the room when we moved up to the room you settle into outside of the delivery room. And then the next morning, eight am, his brother and his mom were in my hospital room. Now first baby, you're like learning how to breastfeed, Like, I don't want my boobs out with my mother in law. She's a Church of Christ preacher woman.
Like.
I just was like, what is happening? And his brother says all right, Mom, we'll see you after work and starts to head for the door, and I go when is after work? Six pm?
Hmmm?
And I had to call a meeting. I was like okay. I looked at the nurse and I was like, can you clear the room? And she was like uh huh, like she must do like you know, like I needed a check or something. So mom and everybody had to step outside. And I just looked at my husband and was like, I can't I don't want to be half naked in front of your mom all day I'm learning how to Oh, that was something that should have been
discussed beforehand. Like that was very unfair to put you in that situation because then you look like the bad person too. Yeah, to be like, well, Kristen doesn't want you, you know what I mean? Like that's not fair. I just felt like the room lost all oxygen and it got really really tiny. And she's a great, wonderful woman, like she's she's microscopic, and no matter how it's your times, I couldn't need now six weeks, no, no visitors mm hmmm,
uh huh? Is pressing going to be home that entire time? No, he's hardly ever home really, he's on a ten day run right now. But why would she want no? I mean, like my I have my friends here, right I just don't need family in the house. Can they not? Can they come and just stay at like in a hotel? They could, but we'd pay for that, Oh you would? Uh huh yeah, okay, trust hmm. The third times a charm Cramer. I'm proud of you for just putting your foot down on the last one. How long is p
get to stay home for who no days? Oh yeah, well that doesn't seem We've got a four day window between mid May and mid June that he'll be in town while I go into labor. So he had to fly in the day. Legend was born from Ontario Friday night in August, canceled a show and was out the next day. Well, so we'll just see you got your tribe here. I'm glad you're here. Grammar, that is all I have to say. Oh I love it. Hold my baby hair. Speaking of babies, let's see if Derek Huff
has any babies on his mind. Let's take a break, get him on the show.
Hey, guys, what's up. How you doing? Well?
You know, we were talking babies, and you know, I just love to stir the pot because last time I'm like, when are you getting engaged?
And then it was like and now when do you have a baby?
Oh no, It's like that's like the next the next topic. I'm like, well, speaking up.
I'm ready, really, I'm ready to get on it. Let's do this.
He's like, we babies, Anna is in the practice, or Anna is in the family growing?
Oh all of the above.
Okay, yeah, oh I like that, how many kids do you want?
I don't know. Yeah, I think we'll start with one and.
That's how but I will say I will say vow. I went to Valaja's baby like five days after she had had a home and and val was so cool man, he was just like, you know, hey, bro, like you know, like we're like these overachievers and we're like, you know all this, but like there's nothing like this, and I just my only regrets.
I wish I would have done this sooner.
And he was just he just said some really beautiful things and it just it just really got me even more excited about starting a family.
So, yeah, what do you.
Think is you're like it's just from a guy's perspective something that you like, you're you're scared about fatherhood.
Like scared about Yeah, oh interesting. I don't know. I think I don't know if I'm really scared. Honestly, I don't think I'm really nervous.
Like I'm pretty like pretty like ready pretty excited. Let me rephrase that, let me phrase that. Actually I just reality just said it.
I okay.
So as an uncle of a Bazilian nieces and nephew, I am a bit I'm chasing them around, worried about every corner and every danger, and my sisters was like, dude, if they're gonna fall, they're gonna fall.
They get like what what I was like, They got to be protected. So it's, uh, I'm nervous about that.
But I think that that's just because I'm not around it enough to understand that there is fragility. But there was also the learning curve of a child having to just experience life, you know what I mean.
I think it's really important. Yeah, So I think I'm just gonna be a nervous wreck for the first at least.
However long, I'm sure I'm gonna be just like, you know, freaking out about every you know, danger, I suppose.
But I'm still a helicopter. I'm a psych I'm a psychopath. I'm my oldest is seven and we have another baby do in June, and I'm a psychopath. I'm forever like here's your helmets and here's your pads, yep, And I'm kind of like the other where I'm like, I at first would like take, you know, put the little padding around the corners of the island, and then afterwards I'm like listen. That's you're going to hit your head if you don't. You know, you hate to be aware of
now what your surroundings are. So I take them off. And it's like at times even their day, Jase went to put his head unerneath table, so I put my hand right above where it's so like he doesn't hit. But at the same time, it's like he's got a note that like yeah, yeah, yeah. He had just gotten back from his surgery and he was like all out
of like, you know, poor guy. And so he gets up and he hits his he hits the front of his head on the thing, and then goes to the counter and hits I'm like, oh my god, like and so it was just like the head of all things. It was like a pinball of like going from like and it's like then I just wrapped him up in like a little cocoon. But they need, like you know, they they will learn too, like yeah, yeah.
I think I think part of it too, is just because I was such an accident from kid. You know, I was always getting hurt and you know, jumping off things and knocking my teeth out and uh, you know, just all all sorts of problems. So I think I just knowing my child, I'm sure we'll have that type of energy, and so I just have to sort of look out for a lookout for her because I feel like you'll be a girl.
Oh I like that. That's cute. You have nothing to announce. I feel like, you know, you just seem so intue. I mean, he did this last time to us too. It's okay, but I think that's cool. I think it's it's fine. He's what he has to announce. This is tour, that's the that's the that's you're a busy guy. You're yeah, and you're going to be judging and then doing your show. Yes, yes, So you should be scared of not seeing your baby. That should be what you're afraid of.
Well, that will be. That's That's why I'm packing it all in now smart. I mean, we're getting it. We're getting it all in now. We're traveling, we're doing all these things.
But uh yeah, So it's gonna be really really busy fall, but super super exciting. You know, Season thirty two of Dancing the Stars is happening, and you know, and at the same time and be going on tour to fifty six city Uh, so it's gonna be crazy.
I haven't been on Scorn four years, so I'm so excited.
To finally go out there, get on the bus, go in to people's cities, see their see their faces, see them person, give them hugs, the whole thing.
And yeah, it's it's Uh. We have a live band, we have the most incredible dancers.
We're actually having a whole a big audition this Friday actually with all these hundreds of dances coming in and uh, yeah, I'm putting a lot of a lot of heart and soul and love into this show. And and of course my fiance Haley, she's gonna be on the road with me.
And I saw her on the on the fire and I was like, oh, I love that, Like I love that you guys are doing this together because it's I'm sure there's going to be some really romantic dances in there too, and just like I don't know, I just I love I love a husband, wife duo.
You know.
Yeah, it's gonna beautiful, I mean.
And the reason why I'm calling it Symphony of Dance is you know, for me, it's well, for a symphony is basically a collaboration, right, It's where every people come together and it's like everybody's great at their individual gifts, their individual instruments or their talents, whatever it might be in life or music or dance, whatever it is. When we come together, we really do create this beautiful symphony.
And that's what the show really represents, is it's such an eclectic you know, different genres of music and styles of dance and and you know, and just just people. And that's what it's all about. This is about building this beautiful symphony of dance. So I'm very excited about it.
I didn't click on the dates. Are you coming to us Nashville, Nashville.
Yeah, grand Ole Opry, We'll be there. We'll be there grand Ole Opry. It's a great venue. I love performing there.
So it's a nationale always nash will always show up. They always bring great energy. So I'm excited. I was just in Nashville.
Things were saying, hey, that was really fun. That was a fun hang we have No.
It was great. Well, listen to my sister.
She's a real estate agent out there, and every time I go there, she's showing me how that She's like, hey, this this is available, Like you will want to come out here, and because my mom lives there now, my other sister lives there now, So it's a we're slowly all migrating to Nashville.
Are you LA based?
I am, Yeah, I live in Los Angeles.
Yeah, most of LA has moved here, so we welcome you. Our entire neighborhood is pretty much LA. So it's wild, man, it's nuts, but it's a great place, like when you are ready to like settle down, have the family, Like this is such a good family town, as you know, so it would be a good place to set up shop. But I'm curious, you know, you you put so much
of your real life into your dances. You know, I remember just you know, over the years watching Dancing with the Stars and then also some of the dances that you've done with your sister and you know, childhood and upbringing. Is there a dance or a story in your life that you haven't been able to put into dance yet because it's painful or hard, or or a dance that you want to want to do.
That's a great question, you know. I think.
What's so great about what's so great about dance or a performance, right is that you can create a performance or create a piece that is very meaningful to you, to me, to to to the person is creating it. But we don't necessarily have to share that it's about us, you know what I'm saying, or share that it's it's it's our story perhaps because and so to answer your question, yes, there are certain things that even if I didn't want to necessarily share, you know what I mean, with with everybody,
if I wanted to keep it personal. But but without a doubt, have the freedom and the luxury of really creating pieces that can be very cathartic and and beautiful
about past experiences or traumas or pains or aches. And that's what's so beautiful about art, you know, is that they are they are a part of who you are and you're But what's so healing and so beautiful about it is that when you share those types of things too with other people, you realize you're, like, this is my story, but it's also so many other people's stories. You know, so many other people experience you know, you know, heartbreak or or or loss, you know, and uh or
or just other other elements. I mean, you know, we actually did a piece a couple of years ago, you know about my parents'.
Divorce, you know what I mean.
And it was you know, on television, and it's it was one of those things where I felt a little bit like do we do we do this?
Do we talk? We like share this in this way? You know, and and.
But it was it was a beautiful piece. I think that a lot of people sort of responded to that and felt that way, felt good towards it. But so yeah, so so to answer your actual question, because I kind of danced around a little bit, no pun and send it. But yeah, there's definitely some things that I would love to create that I feel like could be incredibly cathartic for you know, past experiences, I should say.
So yeah, yeah, I love when people put their past like and explain it because it is so helpful and I feel like it adds that like additional healing and help for other people, Like I think obviously movement is
so healing. And then to be able to like when you guys talked about the divorce, I'm like, oh, yeah, that is like how I felt in movement, And like there's just the emotions that you guys bring in dance too, and like it's just all of it is so I mean, that's even when I had my brain there's stint on Dancing with the Stars. It was like working through certain things and I'm like, wow, this was so cathartic, Like this felt so good.
Yeah. So there was a video I did a couple of years ago. I wrote a song. It was called hold On, and it was basically about about suicide.
And you know, I wrote this video because I had experienced, you know, something close to be you know, suicide when I was fifteen.
Years old and.
Other people around me, and even having that those own thoughts myself, you know, at a certain point, you know, years ago, and I wrote this song and I created this video, and so that was an experience where people didn't necessarily necessarily know that about me personally, but it was certainly was a way for me to sort of.
Share that in a in an artistic way. And that video was you know, really really powerful.
And then I ended up working with this young dancer who I've known for a while, and he told me his story about how his father, you know, died by suicide, and we created this beautiful dance piece, this beautiful piece, and he shared his story and it was so powerful and you know, it's just just recently, obviously I've experienced two more people close to me unfortunately that by suicide, and it was just is something that, yeah, I go back to that, that song or that video or that
it's that time when I created that as sort of a moment to feel I don't know, like wanting to reach out more, you know what I mean, and wanting to sort of do more in that space because it's just there's nothing more. There's nothing more painful than feeling like you could have done something where you feel like
you want to do more for people. And that's that's really truly, honestly my overall mission really, you know, when people when I do do dance or perform or do silly tiktoks or silly post or whatever, it is the underlying sort of intention of almost everything I do is really to be to serve.
It really is to serve people and.
To make somebody laugh, bring a little bit of joy, or to implement something you know, inspiring or something that can possibly move somebody and so possibly stir somebody in a different direction if they seem to be going.
Down a different paths. And and that's even what I love about tour as well.
Is like those meet and greets and those Q and a's, you know, I go above and beyond, above and beyond you know what is actually on the paper of.
Like yeah, I get a picture or do this for me? That is a true moment for me to like connect actually connect with somebody there.
And the amount of questions I get a people's asking things and I really try to show up for people in those moments.
But sorry, I kind of went up on the TANGI no, no, no, no.
There's no tangents here. Well, I think the thing is too is like you're saying, is that you never know what someone's going through. I mean, I'm you know, I'm sure. I think one of the people you're referring to is twitch.
And I remember when I looked at my phone, I was like what, Like I would have never in a million I mean I literally screamed out what And it was like because I'm like, how like the happiest, joyful, dancing, loving, and I'm just like wow, Like that just so shows that like you just have no idea and it's like to really like dig deep and like have those meaningful conversations whether it'll help in the end or not least like to to like go that extra layer.
You know, yeah, it just it just makes you just at least when I when I heard that, my first feeling was, you know, who can I.
Who can I call right now that needs me? You know what I mean? Who? Who? Who have I not spoken to in a while? Who can I just reach out to right now just to think, you know, because it's.
You know, I kind of feel like when I found that out, I think it was just about a week or two before that, I had this overwhelming feeling like I needed to share something in this space, you know, in that space of because it was during the winter and that's like a big time for you know, mental health and people are like going through a lot of a lot of pain. And I was literally like had this feeling like I need to like say something, I need to post something, I need to like just share
something and just reach out. And and I can't remember what it was, but I remember something happening and be like and I just didn't do it, you know. I was like I was like, oh, yeah, I'm doing this Disney special and I just like I need to just I need to focus on that. I just didn't do that and then two weeks later that happened, and so of course knowing that it's not your fault, but in that moment, you do have that sense of.
Like what if I would have just you know, could I have?
And and I know everybody goes through that, and of course there's you know, it's it's nobody's fault, you know, and those in those situations, but it does sort of inspire you a little bit more to reach out, you know, and to reach out to people you haven't spoken to, and also to just squash things too, you know what I mean, Like when people are saying, oh, I have this, you know, I'm not talking to so and so because of this or that or whatever it is.
It's like, guys, like, you know, we are on this planet for the shortest amount of time. We really are.
This is such a fleeting moment and every single day it truly is. Without getting too you know, you know, preachy here, but it's such a gift. It really is such a gift. I mean, like when you feel the you're heart beating, you know, nobody get you know, you didn't have to buy that, you didn't.
Have to earn it. It was a gift.
It was given to us, you know, and so we are just so gifted with this life and it's and I just want, I really just want everybody to feel that way. And I know it's not the case because I've been in that dark place. I've been in a really really tough place, and honestly, dance some music really got me. And also, you know, doing work and going to listening to things and reading things and all that stuff really helped me.
And people say that, dude, you're the most positive, most energetic. I was like, I think it's because I'm the most messed up, you know what I mean.
Like I had to do a lot of work early on to figure it all out, and I'm still still We're still on the process, and it's still a beautiful journey just discovering yourself. But on the way, the real secret to living is giving, you know, and how we give ourselves to other people, and how we serve and how we show up for them, how we reach out and and and for me, dancing and performing is a way I do that, on top of you know, hopefully reaching out personally as well.
So I love that. I just think it's really inspiring when people have a platform and use it to connect with people, like using all avenues like listen, I'm married to a singer songwriter. I'm best friends with the singer songwriter. I can't do that, and I'm certainly not a dancer.
But when I watch people use like their unique avenues and those outlets that they have to just actually pour back into people, that's like the I mean, that's literally what we're that's what you do on earth for Heaven's sake, you know, like we're here to connect, to not feel alone, to give each other another minute, to hug each other, like we do the wind Down Tour, and it's so fun because we get to like actually hug and cry and like be with people and go heartbeat to heartbeat
and that matters so much. I'm just really thankful to use your platform for that. Yeah, And I love the fact too that you know that you say it's you know, our our hearts are like our life is a gift, right, and so it's like that's why I'm on this movement, Like can't just everyone be happy and let's all help each other and just love. And I'm like, there's no like,
I don't want hate in my heart for anybody. I want to just like just love be well, like cause it's like it can any moment, this can change and we you know, go home. Yeah, but yeah, you guys as a Dancing with the Stars family, like even you and Jana, I mean you, this has been a tough week for y'all too.
Oh.
I mean I just knew him from a lovely judge who I wanted to impress him more than anybody on that panel, Like I loved all the other judges, but like looking like I went back down a few things, and I like when when Len gave me a compliment, it made my life. And as an observer, he just had such a light about him. I can't imagine in person what that feels like. I'm very sorry for your loss because I know that you have had spent years with them.
Yeah.
I had the pleasure of knowing Land since I was twelve years old, you know, when I lived in London, and I remember him here just was always just he had the gift of the gap.
He just always had the great just energy and so funny and playful.
And then and then having the opportunity to work with him on Dance with the Stars, and and then you said it, you know where we all seek his approval, you know what I mean, even if you weren't even on the show, you know, I was just like, did you like that? You know, you just always you just he just had that like you just had that respect for him, and that he had that presence and he
had that just that British gentleman about him. And its just I feel incredibly emotional and sad about it, and then at the same time, I feel so grateful that the last season that we shared together, we.
You know, I don't know, there was like this feeling like this, you know, I knew.
This was gonna be his last season, but I also was I had every moment I spent with him, I really I really savored it. I really savored the moments I spent with him, and really and we we were playful with each other, and we had these one on one conversations and he and that even before the day the last day, I walked in my j's dressing room, there's this giant picture of land. It was framed beautiful gold frame, and it's a picture of him and and I had this handwritten message from him, and it was
so beautiful, but also like inappropriate humor, like funny. It was a hilarious thing he wrote as well, and then signed by him, and he walked He's like, oh there, I just thought, you know, this is my thing, and I just thought, give it to you and and and I was just so touched and moved by that, just thinking how our lives were so intertwined. And I don't know, we knew he was, We knew he was, you know, unwell,
but we didn't certainly didn't know the extent. We had no idea the extent because this was a huge shock to all of us. And and it's incredibly sad. We've had countless tears and phone calls with colleagues and friends and.
And we're just.
But it's but it's but a lot of it, though, is most of it is just sharing how much we just love the guy and how much how lucky we are and how lucky we were to spend as much time with him as we did. And yeah, it's it's
it's one of those things again. It's just there's been so much loss I feel like this year that it just it just keeps hammering home the importance of just how fleeting this life is and how important it is to really take advantage of it and to really love it and to really connect with.
People, because that's really what it's all about at the end of the day. And yeah, he's a special he's a special man.
Yeah, I mean, like you said, he's a true just like classy gentleman. He has like a sparkle like that's what it just And this is just a viewer's point of view because I've never met him in real life, but I just was like, just like a sweet sparkle about him, lovely. But yeah, I'm very sorry for your loss. And you were honestly the first person I thought of when that happened, So I was just like, oh, like, I just can't imagine because I know that you've known
him for so long. So is there a dance maybe on the tour that you'll go, Okay, hey, Len, this one's for you, you know.
Yeah, absolutely, I think that.
H m hmm you cry, weak cry, that's how that goes here.
So yeah, it's all right, Yeah, no, it's good.
This is like the test of a life fully and well lived, though, is to leave people that are a lighte like you behind also feeling that you know.
Yeah, now, it's just it's uh, you know, I meanan thinking back as there's this video that we did with Nastia Luken when I danced and then he did this little package and it was he was saying, like, you know, I just wish that sometimes your body just starts to
kind of give up on you. But I just still feel like that young old you know, Chap, you know, that dancer, And and we did this, you know, sort of a tribute to lend really and then he kind of took over and he danced and and I just can I just keep thinking back in some of these these memories and these moments and just thinking just again, just how fortunate, you know, we were to have have him, you know, for so long and on the show at least, but he certainly went far too soon in life.
But uh, yeah, I don't know, I just love the guy.
But yeah, they'll definitely be there'll definitely be some some some moments of honoring him and tipping the hat to him, without a doubt on tour. I think not only just for us, but I think honestly for the audience. You know, I think that a lot of the audience that will come to.
The show will also they're they're they're also.
In a way mourning this guy that they've watched for twenty years on TV, and there is you know, he's Len Goodman, He's the head judge. He's the guy that we all love, and I'll certainly want to want to honor him and also to in a way celebrate him with the audience for a moment in the show without a doubt.
Yeah, well, Derek, thank you so much for coming on and just sharing your hearts with us and your words and your emotions and just like for just helping others too through through what you do. And I know it's like when I look at if I were to post something, sometimes I stop myself and go, why don't want to look dramatic or I'm looking for attention or like whether it's about like a you know, form or abuse or whatever.
But there is someone that needs it, that wants you that that is listening, and you know, what you do through your dance and your words like it is, it's important. So thank you for sharing.
Thank you, thank you ladies for having me appreciate it.
Everyone're going to be off. Symphony of Dance all new national national tour begins September twenty twenty three. Tickets on sale now at Derekcuff dot com. Will be there in national Yeah I want.
It, like coming, yes, yes, okay, you will be there, Okay there and I shall we shall have a good we.
Shall have a good time. Hug tight tight all right, perfect, bye, Derek, thank you so much.
Thank bite.
Such a sweet soul. But he was always he was. He was the coolest, like on on my season. I mean, he's Derek Cuff, Like I grew up watching Dancing with the Stars, and he was like one of them, you know. I feel like for ages, Yeah, looks great and his uh forever nineteen or something, the most beautiful, loveliest, kindest, and she's an amazing dancer too, like incredibly I envy dancers. Oh me too. Come on, Kramer, we've seen you. Yeah. I can point my toe to save my life. Do
you want to see something? Try to teach me a five, six, seven eight? Oh yeah, Well I didn't count, so when like I had someone that would count, and I'm like no, no, no, no, no, no no no no, I don't know how to do that. I just memorize.
No, I was not.
I wish I could have been like I was a good figure skater. Cramer, you're far. I can't. Let me just get this baby delivered and then we can, really we can. I can show you my least amount of coordination, but some people just have it. I married one. He's a dancer. I need to get Alan to dance with me. It's one thing that does Alan dance. I have the funniest video. I posted a snippet of it on Instagram for like a little cute video that we did. But I'm like, I've been trying to like cut and dancing
because he's like, I don't dance. But I'm like, every so often, like we're in the kitchen, I'll start to like try and sway with him. He's like, what are you doing? Does he dance?
No?
No, there he sways listen, and so I kind of caught him one time and then he's just like he looked around and he's like, camera, dang it, listen if usher comes on, your girl over here is not slowing down. But to choreograph anything is not happening for me. Something Derek said too, and that made me think of my grandpa. I don't know if you've had this moment before. But he was getting sick and I knew, you know, he was just kind of starting his Alzheimer's. And so we
were playing. We liked to play cribbage together and so he's the one who taught me, and so it was it was like I knew he wasn't going to be around the next year, and so when we were sitting there playing, he wasn't playing like how Grandpa played, right, because he's the most competitive human being, Like that's where
I get it from. But like he would kind of like mess up on some of the pegs, but I would just kind of like, you know, I would just watch like how, you know, he miscounted or how, and so I just kind of, like my competitiveness, I let it go. But it was just in that moment I just sat there, we just I was like, Grandpa, let's
let's not let's just we can just sit here. Yeah, And it was like this silent and we kind of looked at each other like this knowing that this is our And I'll never forget that moment because I remember sitting at the campfire seeing my grandpa sitting in the like screened and porch and going, I need to go sit with him, and it was the memory that I'll forever cherished because it was I it was an understanding that he's not going to be here next fourth of
July and he won't know, but and you just want to bottle up all of it, like you can't touch enough and get enough stories. And yeah, like I wish I would have done that with my last grandpa. But I was fourteen years old, right, so I missed things. I didn't go to the hospital to go see him because I was fourteen and wanting to be with my friends, And like that is a regret I feel to this day, like why didn't I go see my grandpa in the
hospital and said go to Lisa's house? And I know, I'm like what I would have given to like having that time back with my other grandpa. I know I had this the other day. My Grandma's been gone for eleven years now. She was my person. I only had one grandparent my whole life, and she I just I asked a million questions. I was alone with her the
last night she was awake. I flew in and I spent the night with her, straight to hospice and like, but you know, like there's just like time goes on and you're like, oh, I wish I could have like mm hmmmmmm, yeah, like different questions, like I want different answers I want like I have different questions I want to ask and I need her for certain things. And yeah, it's a lot like my first dance when I go up to Heaven will be with my grandpa at the
uh so he would take me. We'd go to these German festivals and like he'd wear later hos and my dad being in the band. That's the most Michigan with October Fast. So I was like, I don't want to dance now, like that's my first thing I'm gonna do. And I got to dance them. They kind of have that dance. But that's a maturity thing too. We can't be hard on ourselves. I mean, I thought at thirty I had asked all the questions I needed to ask.
But there's a couple of phrases that have just come back to me recently that she said that have for some reason, I hadn't thought of them and forever, it feels like, and just recently she used to say, it's not a decision to be made in a day about things. So in my slow my slow down of the post grief and all the losses and all the things like I've really just been like not a decision to be made in a day, just slowing down and seeing things differently.
But it's crazy how they come back to you, and those words come back too.
Well.
On that note, that's it's good. I mean, Cramer, it's good Church.
Love you guys.
We'll see you next week.
Bye.
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