Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio Podcast.
Happy Valentine's Day, Happy Loveday, You're my bad like Valentine's Day. I feel fine about it. Do you know I make Preston ask me every Valentine's Day to be as Valentine. Oh that's cute, it's not assumed. Ah. Yeah, he asked me like a week and a half ago this time.
Oh that's cute.
That's really cute. Yeah, it's my favorite. Oh, we don't do anything crazy? Do you do crazy? What are you doing tonight? Nothing? We're actually going to a Ruba tomorrow. I'm sorry. What so I'm going to just pack and we're gonna celebrate tomorrow.
Yeah.
He has a show where one why he has a show? Okay, which and it's great, Like we're going to go just have a minute with the kids. No, how many days? Two full days, three sleeps? Okay, you got this. I know that's hard for me. I haven't been to a Ruba since I was like twenty Tuba was quick, haven't never been well. I hate this. What I just the most part of anxiety gets me Bia. Oh friend from Natalie Holloway is all I think of with. I know that is so dark, and I'm Aruba is beautiful and
it's not that it was so long ago. That's where it was. Yeah, all I know is a Aruba Jamaica and everyone in their car singing along. Yeah. All it's the each boys, it is. Yeah, it is what loves of each boys? CoCom That's right. What are you doing? Do you love it? Valentine's Day? I'm going to get over my fear and it's going to be great. What are you afraid of? Everything? Getting kidnapped or no, just everything pretty much, from being stuck to stuck where anywhere,
anywhere but my home. I'm just very nasty this time. I I know exactly what you're feeling because I feel the same way about a trip I'm going on next weekend for the first time ever. And how many sleeps? Three sleeps? See, okay, it's almost like two. I'm okay. That's why Windown works for me so well, because I'm like, oh, yay, my friend for two sleeps and then I go back to the kids. Yeah, but it's the being so far away.
Where are you going? Can I know Mexico, Alan, I've never taken a vacation together that didn't involve work, and we've never actually done a vacation. Mine is like, oh, one day we would like, let's go here, but it always book ended or started with work. Sure, so we're taking a vacation finally together, which we know is important. Yes, And I just have so much anxiety same, I don't I want to be Yeah, close to home is my
safety net. It's weird because I have this feeling like even when I'm away from the baby right now, and I know this is very postpartum, and I think it's just like what is that called primal? Yeah, like when I get home, the first thing I have to do after I wash my hands because the world is Jeremy is like put her heart to heart with me, and it feels like I plug back into the wall. It's this like weird like huh okay. Yeah, but again like they just came out of our bodies, so that's I think,
very normal. Yeah, it's babies like baby Roman. I still don't like being far away from the kids, like when I did the movie in Arizona, I don't. I just have anxiety when I'm not with them. I know, even when they're at their dads. I get anxiety like the other last weekend. I'm like, it just doesn't feel right to not have your babies with you. Yeah, like in the cave. Everybody nested in the cave. I know, but you're gonna have so much fun and it's good for you,
im Preston, It is so good for us. It's tricky because we started dating and then we like finally like we met. It was pretty like speed daity as you know, and so we never really dated until like the last year kind of, and then we get pregnant with the baby because I think we were dating so much, but I feel like we I like love being with him, and it's fun for both of us to be like the center of each other's attention for a minute. I actually like really like being alone with him now, So
I know I'm good. Once we like get on a plane or wherever. It just takes me. It's it's almost like not fair, impossible, Like he's presenting me with this amazing trip. He has one show while we're there. We extended it because it's Valentine's Day, and I still just can't go like whoo a ruba or bust. I am like, okay, what happens if you know what though, and I'm saying this to myself, walking in with that just steals the
joy of it, I know, and I don't. We're stealing yourself of the joy and the excitement and the fun because at the end of the day, you're gonna come back and you're gonna be like, oh well, I just why was I so anxious? I just stole moments of joy, I know, and I don't want that anymore this year. Actually, that's kind of like I think because of all the death the years before. Like Amy and I really talked about this. She was I said, I think I'm like
ready to be fun and have fun. Yeah, and she was like, I'm excited for you because I don't feel like I've been that girl for a while. But the post part of anxiety, like I get it. It's a thing and you just have to overcome it. Like that's where when I spoke to Amy about it, She's like, you just have to do it to overcome it. That's right. She's like, Okay, do it and go once you're on the because my thing is like it because I got off that one plane with anxiety. Now it's in my
head like I can't do it. I can't fly because I got off that one plane when I was pregnant, I had a kidne infection, didn't know it, I was sick. So like I have a little like but like still I now in my head go that equated to I can't fly, So let's do so for each other. I'm just saying, like it's it's once you do it, you'll be fine. What did you say to me just a second ago? You got to do it to what? Mm you get over it? Through it? Maybe don't want to
rewind it. Yeah, but I'm gonna need that, I think, and we'll hold each other accountable. So I'll help you this week. You I feel the tightness. Yeah, yeah, for sure, I get I'm already gone. In next week, I'll be here. Well you're away, so like I like that you're around, and I could be like if I need you at my house or whatever, I get it, and I would be right here to throw your sweet baby off a sleep schedule and hold him too long. But tonight though,
Alan surprised me with a sleepover here. No, we have a sleepover every I know. I was confused. No, he's so sweet, so we had Uh, this is actually really cute.
Uh.
I like it when you get girly about him. I just love that's cool. Oh he's the best. Okay, Well, first of all, he woke up this morning with I've never been woken up with roses, so like he I rolled over and he like had a rose like right there, like on the bed. I was like, you are so sweet. He got all the kids, well, we got Jolie and roses, and then Jasey got him something else. But we did like our little open just very small things or whatever this morning with the kids. I got them like squishy
mellows or whatever. And then Alan said he planned it all. Talked to the sitter that we've been using a few times a week and that was like the best too. When they take charge of that everything. He's like, we're leaving it three. I'm like no, no, but he's like no, no, she's gonna, you know, be here. And we've got massages at the one hotel. So we met at the one hotel. I remember, because this is where I want to actually have your shower. Oh. I was trying to make it sentimental.
Close the loops. That's really cute. Yeah, I like that. But he then so when he was staying at the one hotel. I can't remember the room number. He knows it, but uh, he got that same room number because when we were when I saw him, I'm not a hussy, Okay, So it wasn't the first night, but he went up to the room because when I was sitting in the lobby, like someone recognized me or whatever, and it was just I don't know, I didn't want to like be down
there people say anything. And I also think, you know, when it's something special, when you want the privacy of it. Yeah, so I was like, let's just go up. We can have dinner up in the room. So we had dinner. It was like the sweetest. We had dinner in the room, had wine. I went home because I had the kids, obviously, and you don't sleep over on the first day, that's right, or turning a leaf in the next chapter exactly, not
a hussy on the right. So that it was just like that hotel and that room and just like, you know, so good acting and getting to each other was really sweet. So he's taking me back there and yeah, a little sleepover. I love it. And you know what's interesting, I think
because we're so tired that like one night feels incredible. Yeah, I'm so excited to just like sleep in because we have we're always even though he's sleeping like Roman sleeps in the night now, but it's the monitor still there and I still here as little grunts, you know, So I know you don't really get to sleep, no, And that's and also like we did that for my birthday.
We just went away and I loved it. It was twenty minutes down the road and it was beautiful and I slept with no clothes on, and I like it. Oh well, once in a while, yes, just to be like an adult or something. I don't know. Did you watch Super Bowl, by the way, just usher, just usher, so you didn't see the Travis Kelsey thing. I saw him screaming as coach that was everywhere. What are your thoughts? Well, I understand being passionate, but it doesn't make what he
did right if you so I don't. I thought to me, I thought it was very disrespectful to scream at a coach, just in general. And I and I asked Alan, and I go, what do you think of that? And he's just like extremely disrespectful. And that matters to me because Alan's in sports. Yeah, he'sthing like I get the energy
and of like passion. I get that so much. And someone like Alan, like you know, he's he screams when he's on you know, the pitch, and he's co and all those things, but he's not screaming like to have a player like can imagine like a Tom Brady or I don't know, and maybe they have I don't know, but like I just the people that are in that position,
I don't see them being to me. It was very disrespectful and also slightly triggering from sorry, but not to like, but it was triggering from my past to see that because I've been with that kind of person in that kind of world that had that anger in my face and it's and it triggered me. And I'm people can say whatever they want to say about it, but it did not feel good to be back in that like
scared place to see that comparison to Serena. Do you remember when Serena got passionate to one of the No, but I need to pull it up, pull it up. But one of the things I want to say too is what I didn't like is one of the because I've now just watched to see what people have done with it. I don't like the fact that he didn't. Again, if you're a role model to someone, I don't like the fact that you didn't be like yeah, he's like,
oh yeah, you saw that. I'm like, yeah, everyone did, and you should be like yeah, no matter what passionate, was not right to screaming your coach like be a better example, in my opinion, yes. Second thing is it's turned into like a funny meme joke. It's not funny to be disrespectful to someone. Third thing is I also
just don't think that how do I say this? When they did try to talk about it on air, one of the guys goes, you know, and I didn't really like the fact that Travis you know, did that to his coach. Someone cut him off so immediately to defend and to change the subject. I'm like, why are we changing the subject, like the kind of a voice. Let it be that that wasn't right, because it right. And other people are like, oh, stop being such like a a p us, you know, and just like you know,
so sensitive and sports. Again, it's not right to scream your coach's face and it's not funny. Well, It's also interesting to me because I would say I am right now raising a swifty like love is so all in on Taylor Swift. It's crazy to me because I'm not a swiftie, so I'm not sure where it came from. But Taylor, to me is such a role model and the way that she at thousand percent. If I was her, I'd have been like, oh, I was uh and it
isn't my boyfriend. Yeah, Like I was like yike cus Like it felt a little I will just get so many dms. It felt a little full of himself. It felt a little like that's your boss, that's my whole thing, coach, player or whatever I could have. There is not a time in my life where I could have ever screamed to anyone professionally and gotten away with it. Yeah, super Bowl or no super Bowl. And it kind of took away to me the win a little bit, like it
tarnished it to me. It put the biggest yeah taste of just like in my mouth too when I saw it. And it's like fine, like he didn't push any losses like footing and the coach too, to be like he kept me young. It's that's again, that's not you should be as stronger. I don't want to say it, but like to to say, you don't scream in my face. You can be passionate and you can be like, oh, just put me in, but like, not in that manner. That was an angry aggressive that I personally didn't like,
and I wouldn't want that to be role modeled. That's it. And we're like trying to teach sportsmanship in our house right now, like winning and losing games, like even board games, you know, because things get heated and legend is passionate and I like watch stuff like that. I'm like, this is not what you want your kids to be watching. And I get it. I it's NFL blah blah blah, but I also am just just not handsome behavior to me. I also know that there's so many people watching you,
especially that's more now so because it's t swift. So again, that's why I look straight to Alan and go, what did you just think of that? And he has his choice words for it. So do you think he did it on purpose? Like more again, I've seen people yell and like have fights or whatever. It's I don't like the physicality of it, whether he just he got a
little too close. You can have a little like fine, be aggressive, not aggressive, but you can be like, oh, I just like I want to be in because I get that.
I get that.
Yeah, I mean type you don't need to be in the face, no screaming it he's an old man. Yeah. Also I'll just say it. I mean it's older. Yeah, for sure. Respect your elders, Respect your coaches, Respect your boss. He's your boss. You can be frustrated. You can throw the iPad like time. You know, again, I don't love when they do. But again, you're frustrated, you're whatever, Like you don't need to be in that close a vicinity
to someone and they make screaming. It's hard for me because so many little girls look up to Taylor Swift. And so I'll just leave that for people to marinate on.
I think, just real quick.
I just didn't want to misquote you, but I just from a guy's opinion of the Travis incident. I'm just not incident but him with this coach. I remember I looked to you and I was like, what did you think.
Well, the first thing you think is you go straight to it's disrespectful towards the coach. Therefore disrespects the coach, it disrespects the locker room. On the flip side of that, he's obviously passionate, but so whether but I don't know the relationship between him and his coach, So whether he's crossed the line, I don't know in my opinion, doesn't matter on it. They'll know between the coach and the player.
But it all goes back to, like I mentioned it to you at the time, that may put a question mark on the environment and how like how close the
players are and the coach relationship to the players. But they've went and won the match, right, so therefore what he did provoked a reaction somewhere, which is maybe where Travis Kelsey is intelligent, because it provoked a reaction, not saying that's what made them win the game, but I'm sure they dealt with it internally at halftime and that might have been the spark they needed in the second half.
Although it seems wrong unless you know that locker room, where you know that team and you know that environment, then it's it's difficult to judge from a football perspective, as in football that would Yeah, that doesn't happen a lot mm hmm.
With the person like a bench or something.
The person would probably be lucky to stay on the field.
Mm hmm mm hmm, even if it's your star player.
Yeah.
Wow, So there's just more respect maybe or what is the different culture altogether?
Probably a different culture, but they've also got and then again it goes back to what are the other factors that Kansas have been winning together, So there'll be a closeness there where they feel like that's acceptable.
Do you think it's acceptable to scream in your coach's face? No, okay, I don't thank you for coming on, mindan, thanks for being deposed call it. So we have Crystal Heffner coming on. She has a book out that is basically her life in the Playboy mansion she married. She was the last wife of half She's a third wife from December twenty twelve until his death in twenty seventeen. She said she had to play mind games to survive. She was relieved when the sex was over because she said he was
not good in bed. She said she felt trapped in the marriage and Krystal Heffner says late husband Hugh Hefner wanted her to remain skinny with big fake boobs. I have a lot of questions for her, so many questions, So let's take a break and then get her on. First of all, you're doing your book tour, I assume, and it's just madness right now because you've got obviously a lot of articles out right now that we just chatted about here, and it just it has to be a lot, right.
Yeah, Yeah, it's been a lot. I just got back from the UK and it's definitely been a lot.
Do you do you have any now that it's out and your or at least I have it. It's out rayah yeah.
Yeah. So it went out like January twenty third, and then yeah, and then I want to New York. I did a New York tour LA and then I just got back from UK and UK was intense. I you know, spoke in front of like a hundred people's first time I've ever done that.
Good for you. Oh gosh, now that the book is out, is there something in there that you're like, Oh, shouldn't of I wish I didn't write that because now it's become a headline.
I don't think so. I feel probably the opposite, which is cool, Like I feel that everything's there. It's written in a way that's to digest and for people to understand, and I feel good about it.
Why did you want to write the book?
Well, I went to therapy after the Mansion. I was having problems with dating and just ordinary life. It's such a bubble at the Mansion. And it was also pre me too, and pre like talking about mental health. So some of the terms I didn't know, Like I didn't you know, I didn't know half was a narcissist. While I was there, I had no idea. I just thought that was his personality and the misogyny and all of that stuff. So, you know, having the terms and understanding
it more just really helped me. And then I thought, okay, I need to write this down and get this in a book and out to people.
How old were you when you started at the mansion?
Twenty one?
That's young. That's really young.
You feel like when you're that age, you feel like you're grown up. But looking back, I'm thirty seven, and looking back at me at twenty one, I'm like such a baby. Yeah.
I mean, there's so many things that happened at twenty one that I'm like the forty year old version now is like girl, like why were you hiding in a bushes from an abuser? You know what I mean? Or like, w how did you let that happen? Like it's just but you're you're so moldable in that age too, that when you get with someone that is a narcissist or they just make you feel like you are this is as good as life is going to get for you.
Yes, did you?
Okay? So tell me where? Okay? So pre mansion, what is Crystal? Like? Like are you a college kid? Are you wild? Are you? Are you coming from a home that you're just like this is I just want out?
I mean, I know there's I've kind of followed. I used to watch Girls next Door a little bit so because I followed, like I had this fascination with people leaving essentially kind of leaving the lives that they had and kind of going in that direction because they of course made it look sexy on TV and all the things. But who is Crystal and why does she choose then to why do twenty one year old Crystal say this is a great option for me.
Yeah. Absolutely, that's a great question. And when I was young, I didn't know who I was at all, as you know most of us don't. But I came from a hard childhood. And you know, I lost my dad when I was twelve. My parents are from England. They came to America. My dad was a singer and he passed away. My mom and I had no money. We were living
in a bedroom and some other family's home. You know, I talk about in the in the book like it's you know, smelling someone else's unfamiliar cooking, and feeling like not really a family anymore, just the leftover scraps of one. My mom married to get her green card, this guy named Lyle, and he had a daughter, and he treated her so much better than he treated me. And so I learned at an early age just to stay small and be small, to fit in and just go along
with what other people wanted. Everyone. You know, when you see other people when you have nothing and other people have money, you're like, oh, they're better than me. And so there's this just feeling of never being enough or feeling like you're enough. And I did see Playboy magazines.
My stepdad had them, and I saw these women and they're just they seemed very powerful and they have the world at their feet and yeah, I guess that was something The celebrities then were like carmenal Electra, Pam Anderson, Jennie McCarthy and like, while these women are powerful and they're respected, and I want to be just like them. So I started molding myself to be that way.
I remember, I mean, I'm not much older than you. We're not very much older than you at all.
Thirty seven, Yeah, you guys seem younger than me.
Forty oh wow, forty too. Yeah, we're really but I think it's the same. That's why I'm so fascinated and honestly for what it's worth. And aylis is like a weird word to use for someone that is a stranger, but like really proud of you, because I think that's like a huge I mean that is Hugh Hefner. I mean, we're watching Girls next door. Were all fascinated, right, like sisters my body to be there, I probably would have checked myself into Lantica midnight dreams when I used to
live in Los Angeles or whatever. Those midnight dream is that.
What I about Midsummer night stream.
It's like, so I and you dress up and it was me my best friend Lisa from high school. And it was pretty much right when I moved, not right when I moved to Los Angeles, but it was a couple of years in and I just remember going, like I get to go to the Playboy Mansion and like you arrived, it was just this really so I could
see how you could get sucked in. Not saying that's your words at all, but like that's I was just like, wow, everything is just so shiny, and everything's like and money and just influence and like it's just it was a very like and I'm just this like wide eyed Michigan girl just being like, oh my god, I made it. Well that's how I met you. It's like if I had the body, I mean, I might have been like trying.
That's what I'm saying. The one thing that kept me is probably the scoliosis and the hello, sweet boobs, blessed. But I feel like I like loved watching the girls because I thought that too. I'm like, they're just stunning and they're so comfortable and their sexuality and they're not afraid or embarrassed. Yeah, it just was so like contagious
to me. And I know there are some people listening that will be like, well, that's crazy because it is so obviously like this like male you know dominated thing. I mean, he created his own little kingdom and recruited the hottest I mean, look at your you're literally like just beautiful and like light. But I it's crazy that I was even attracted to that, and I was twenty
one and never went. So that's why I asked that, because so from an outsider, we're going, Okay, these girls are so confident you inside the house, were you just at your most insecure?
Yeah? I think some of the most beautiful women I've ever met in my entire life are the most insecure women I've ever met my entire life. It's I don't understand it, but it's it's definitely interesting.
And I don't want to like bust anything of the book because I'm actually excited to get in and read, especially when you use words like you smell unfamiliar, cooking, like you paint a picture. So that's what makes me feel excited to like get in and read. But do you were do you still have Is there anybody that you were friends with then that you're still friends with now or do you feel like it's all kind of kind of separated and like, yeah, played it faded away.
I mean I do remember meeting just thousands and thousands of women, and I maybe have three friends from there. So yeah, there's a girl named Amber that was in the book and I'm friends with her still. She was a very close friend of AF and I, and you know, we just share this weird experience, so we're still friends.
What was that so, like, you know, obviously you said a lot like you had to play mind games to survive. You talked about how he was bad at sex. What was the thing that you drew you to him?
I think, you know, have you seen those magazines when I was younger and just thinking the Playboy was the place of freedom and expression and all the things that were was fed you know, they fed to the media about it. But when I first met hef I thought he was very magnetic. But it was also in a place where he's the center of the universe. And yeah, I just I was drawn to it. It was it was magnetic. It was a place where I thought, Wow,
I'm being chosen. It's like those little green aliens for toy story, like you have been chosen your special It definitely gave me validation, and I thought, oh, wow, maybe this is a place I could I really feel.
Like I belonged. When you talk about being trapped in the book, was there? What can you go back to that moment that first time, feeling like I made the wrong decision, like I don't this does not this is not it, this does not feel right.
Yeah. Yeah, I moved in and you know, the everything revolved around helf there, and so I just made myself like, you know, the person hef wanted me to be, and became his mirror, just reflecting a self importance back at him. And yeah, I'm like, oh, I thought I was doing a good job. And it's it's weird having that that mindset. But I remember gaining a bit of wake because you can order whatever you want from the kitchen. I got up to like one hundred and thirty four pounds, and
I remember like hitting my thigh. He said, oh, someone needs to tone up. It was like tap my roots because they had to be like white, bleach white, and the die always like gave me blisters. And I don't know. One time I said he had a nightmare that I was a brunette. I suppose like it it's awful, like it's like and that's what color my hair is. So
the control, like the physical control. He would tell me where the flag, which is the bunny head logo, wear more colorful shirt, what kind of and nick I could have? And at first I'm like, oh, I needed I can do better. I'm slipping. But after a while I'm like, I'm being completely controlled by this man and he's just given me some idea entity that I just took on.
Did you tell me if you if this feels like safe enough when you go back to your wedding day, what is the first feeling you feel.
I just wanted it to be over. I thought hef wants this good pr story before he dies. If I would have said no, I would probably be kicked out of the house. I don't know where I would go. So I just wanted the wedding. Wanted the wedding to be over quickly. He was saying to the I don't know minister person, like keep it short. My back hurts, like oh perfect. So it was just very quick and I'm grateful for that.
Inside because how long were you actually married to him? Then? For three years?
I was there almost ten years, and I married to him for five five?
Did was there because it said that, you know you wrote in the book. You know, I was relieved when it stopped referring to sex.
Was there?
Did he have like a specific amount that he wanted you to have set like is like okay, you have to have sex than this many times? Like was it more of like a contract with him rather than you know, a marriage?
I guess yeah, it felt like it felt like that. Uh, we would have movie nights usually the sex would have happened on the weekends. I wasn't ever, and I'm entirely sure when he wanted to, but I do remember sitting next to him on the couch like during the movie and he'd reach in his pocket and pull out a piece of tissue that had like the blue Viagra pill in it and put it in his mouth. And it's like, oh, oh that cringe moment where and I'm like, okay, that's what he's expecting.
I mean, it's crazy to me because you are so and I don't mean this like objectifying, like you're just very intelligent, well spoken, you're also beautiful thing. And then this like and I'm gonna probably get hate for saying it's like this like raisin of a man. He's a raisin at this point, right, Like he's not it's not it's not hot, he's not hot, right, Like how does he get you?
You know?
Like that she feels like she's I know she's trapped. I know she's literally trapped. Sorry we're talking about you're not here. But and I'm like, and then Crystal, and when is she coming into town? We need her here
for her? No, but I mean, like that's just but I mean, honestly, it's like I'm getting I'm my like my heart hurts for you, Like I feel like sad because like I know that girl, I've been that girl and different when the walls are closing in, yeah, and it's just you just want to like go rescue yourself from it. Like you obviously were in it and you didn't want to be and you felt this, but you didn't have Okay, where would I go? How would I
afford it? All the all the things. And then you're just like, Okay, I'm just gonna now have sex with this man just because I have no other choice. And to have no other choice like breaks my heart for you in that situation. And you know other people that have obviously been in that same situation. It's like, it's just it's not fair, it's not right, and is it Is it still hard for you or are you kind of now because of the therapy you feel like you're in a better place.
Yeah, I feel that I'm in a much better place. And you know, being emotionally abused in all the ways there and also financially abused was very hard. And one thing that I'm proud of myself for is like starting to save money the best way I could, you know.
I started getting into doing social media ads, I learned how to DJ and anything I could do during the day to just try and build myself financially because then it's like okay if I'm good on my own, because he would give us like an allowance, but it was never enough to it was like a thousand dollars every Friday.
It was never enough to be able to leave. You'd have to ask him for it, so you feel like you're begging for money, and he'd count out the bills like one hundred, two hundred, like put them all together, or here you go. So I need to do something, and so I started making money on social media. I started getting into like crypto stuff. I just started trying to build on my own while I was in there, and I was able to do that, and I think
that helped me. Like looking back now, it's like I don't ever kind of have to be in that situation again. And I do have friends that are and I tell them, I'm like, save your money, save your money. And you know, I didn't recognize my situation was so bad in the beginning, but once I did, you know, at least I now have the tools that I can try and help other people that are in bad situations.
But well, I think a lot of us go through that. Like it's a slow conditioning almost. It's not like you go from like freedom to captivity. It's like the sexy lure of a lifestyle, right, and then then you're in and then there's one more layer and then pretty soon you just find yourself kind of like stripped of what you know to be true and then you have this disassociation like, wait, that's not how who I know to be.
So tell me, does he like when he's getting towards the end of life and this is going to be You can just say yes or no if you feel like not saying too many words. I get it where you obviously just pass. It's wind down. We do what we want. But does it feel like freedom is coming for you when? Or does does him dying become this whole other thing that you feel obligated to be and like, what does that feel like?
It's interesting because hef was like old for so long, like everyone knew him as like being old. So I definitely thought that he was like immortal in some way, like that he would be around forever. So I wasn't really planning for that or or what would happen after,
you know, when I was in there. This is also a man that was praised so highly by the media, Like the media put him on such a pedestal, and he would say horrible things in the media, like I've I look back on this interview where he said he went from seven girlfriends to three and then he said, oh I thinned the herd. And this stuff was just
everywhere perpetuated in the media and people idolized him. So when I started having those kind of doubts creep in and all those things, I would think, Okay, like maybe something's wrong with me, because he's put this is all pre me too.
And this is go.
This is just how men are, and maybe it's just me and I need to do better. So I grappled with that. But after he passed away, I had this feeling of guilt and I didn't leave the house for weeks, and I don't know why. I kept thinking, Oh, is there something we could have done better? Is there a different antibotic we could have given him? He died from my ecola infection, and it was weird, And slowly I
started understanding what my freedom meant. And I started traveling and seeing the world, and I bought a farm in Hawaii, and now I can say I truly feel free.
How does dating look now? Do you feel at first? When you started? Judged?
Dating was very hard in the beginning. So I had a couple of relationships where the people were controlling, manipulative, and I thought, you go.
From what you know, you go to the same person, different name, same cast, different Yeah, like.
This time I'm paying the bills, like what the heck struggling musician, an actor, and I'm paying for my own misery, Like this is torture. And I remember a few matchmakers and they asked me, They're like, oh, what do you like simple for my profile, I'm like, what do I like? I didn't even know, and I think that's when I had to take a step back. And it's very simple. But I'm just like, okay, what do I like? Like? Okay, I like travel, I like nature, I like spend time
with my dog. And I had to slowly find myself again and once I did that, I felt more powerful and then I wouldn't put up with any thing like that dating. And so now I am dating somebody who's very normal, kind and caring and has a great career and feels like my equal. So I'm like, yeah, I made it.
How long have you guys been dating for about six months?
Now?
Oh? Good? I love that. Do you want kids?
Yeah? Yeah, I would like kids.
You're such a tender heart. I just want the world to have more of you. Do you ever? This is like weird, and but people say when their loved ones pass away, like if did you ever have anything that You're like, oh, that was half where he entered your dream? Or he wants like has he come back to say, like I'll never forget My great grandma her husband was abusive and she had told my grandma one time that he came back in a dream and apologized, Oh, and
I just always remembered that as a kid. I don't know why she told me that as a kid, but well, that's like very hopeful though. Yeah, but I'm just curious. Has he ever kind of entered in some way to just be like I'm sorry or you know, wish you well kind of vibe.
I think part of writing the book, like I was having dreams, like I kept dreaming about the mansion, and the book opens up with a dream that I had, like dreaming that I'm still there. And the most recent dream I've had is I go into the mansion and I walk in a half's bedroom and I look to the right and there's kind of pillows all over the floor and HEF's in there with like a harem of women.
They're just all kind of on the floor. And for some reason, I'm like I've risen above it all, and I'm like, oh, I don't need to be here, like you're happy you have that, Like I don't need to be here anymore, like thank you for the lessons. So I feel in my dream maybe I've had some closure.
Well, I think you've taken power over it too. I think that's that to me is what I just took from that is like you you have the power now to go. I'm walking away from this because I don't need to be here anymore.
Wow. Yeah, I like to think that, so thank you. Yeah.
I sometimes wonder and I think there's always divine timing for everything. It is not lost on me that hef died before the real awakening for women, Like we've had a slow awakening, but we have really started to take over and take responsibility and take ownership and we're not afraid to speak as much. And I always wonder what would have happened to him if he were still alive, because his whole dynasty is exactly what we're all trying to fight against. So if there was a HEF now,
I don't even know. Have you ever thought about, like would that even like a twenty twenty four version of your life? I don't even think it would exist.
Yeah, you're so right. The me too happened a month after he passed away. It's as almost almost as if like perfect timing of his life. I don't know how he would be behaving now. I think he would be doing the same thing, but maybe just quiet it yeah, yeah, more more private, because I don't think he knew anything else. I didn't. I don't think he knew how to not objectify women.
No, I mean it sounds it's so consistent and for so long. I don't know that he could.
No.
So Crystal, what are you doing now? I mean, obviously you have your book out, but what do you want people to know because you've kept Hefner as your last name? Right?
Yeah, having a meeting today to talk about trying to change it on my social socials like back to backs my original name and what I mean.
Obviously you know we know the reasoning, but I mean, is it just something where you just want to just drop him completely so that you're not known for being Hefner's ex wife? Like do you want to be? Obviously, Crystal, what would you say it was? Harris?
Harris? Yeah, Harris, Yeah, Yeah, I think I'll always be known Half's wife. I just hope to do some good with it. Yeah. I'm still on the board of his foundation, which is crazy, and we're probub to do an auction with Julian's with lots of HEF's things and Playboy things, And I just thought like, Okay, if I've been part of this. Maybe we can rectify some damage that he's done.
And if we can take some of that money from the auction proceeds and donate it to like women's charities or anything that helps like women and children to try and like reverse the damage he's done, then you know,
I'm on board with that. But yeah, it's interesting because I look at Crystal Harris and I kind of googled myself as Harris, and I remember like the meek, sad girl that I was, and like, I actually with this Crystal heff Nor, I empowered myself in ways that really don't have anything to do with helf but but in a way he helped me, you know, get there with the way I was treated. So I don't know, I'm conflicted still, as you can tell.
Noan, I think there's something I like the positive spin on it, because I was thinking I was going to ask you, like, what do you think you took from it that was positive? And I feel like now it's like again, you can use the name and spin it for good. You know, what would they say with the enemy meant for evil? He made it good. So however, I just always butcher that, But you know what I'm saying, Like, it's just like you get to you get to make
it good. You know, you get to be the person that takes something that you know hurt somebody too, especially that hurt you and devalued you and made you feel less than you get to now take that and empower other people and help other people. I think that's a beautiful thing. And that's that's where i'd keep the half part, just because you will probably get more people involved with
the Halfner name. Unfortunately. Yeah, I think it feels to me like you're taking the Hefner and really giving it like a poetic spin, but also some clarification and a little like legacy in the twenty twenty four version of what it could be. He's actually listen. I wasn't a huge hef fan, if I'm honest, But I have to say he's pretty smart that he picked you to be with, because I think you were probably wildly intimidating to him at how beautiful and smart you were, and so he
knew he needed to keep you close. Is my guest. I have a long history with narcissists, so I don't call myself an expert, but I would say probably something that was most attractive to you. Is this like internal flame and confidence that you have, So I would say that is probably like terrifying to someone like him, and why he made sure to make you a wife. So I'm glad we are left with you and not him. I hate to say it that bluntly, but I really appreciate what you're doing.
That means a lot. Thank you.
What is one thing that you want our listeners to leave with when it comes to your book? And just you as like what you're taking from all of this too, like how you've like who you are today.
When I first started writing this book, I wanted it to be the book I wish I had when I was twenty one, and I think I accomplished that. You know, I've had a few like twenty one year olds actually write to me and thank me. It's the book is dedicated to anyone who's you know, struggled with self self
worth and self acceptance and that they're not alone. I think it's just really important to know who you are and love who you are, because I think the more you do that, the less you find yourself in these kind of situations.
So absolutely, well, I love you anytime you're in Nashville. Let us know. You're so sweet. Thank you so much for coming on. You're just a doll. So yeah, I'm excited to read your book.
Thank you. I hope you like it. Let me know.
I'm gonna r everyone follow Crystal Hafner and go get her book because she's just the best. And listen, we all we all feel we're all insecure, right and straight. Yeah, so let's just support of the women. Do this thing, girl, and then we'll see you in Nashville.
Sounds good, audience, all right, by hen Bye?
Okay, So I just I love her because again, think about like your twenty one year old self and all the things. That's why I always hate when people are judged by their past, because you are just such a different person and you have different experiences in your past. Is you go into that because again, when you're you're told something from your childhood or or whatever from the ex boyfriend, Like I stayed in abusive relationships because that
is what I was told I deserved. So why would I not continue abusive relationships for ten years after that? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, and there's this lifestyle that looks really shiny. Yeah, I mean you're twenty. Yeah, I wish I had Lisa. I mean, I you've been there. I have to text her. I know she has it, but yeah, oh yeah crazy. And there was a time in my life where I was like, oh, I want to live at the mansion, like I mean, I literally thought if I had the body, I would have been
outside trying to get in. Crazy again, you have an amazing body. Oh I love my body.
Good.
But I did not have what we didn't have what what half was looking for it in twenty one? Apparently it didn't like Brunette, sad of it and no one to write and make eye contact with me? Okay, yeah, I was really bleaching. I had that going for me. Oh dear, Okay, well everyone have a great week, and Kristen tell me have an amazing trip to a Rubot. You will be fine. Love and protected is what I tell myself. But I believe it. Yep, amen to that. I love you, Okay. Bye By