High School Reunion!

my girlfriends. And then you're like, you know what, Actually I think I wanna record it and put on the podcast, And actually I think I want you to be on there and debate all the wives as the lone man. Well, well, what happened was is last well what happened was when we were zooming because my my girlfriends were supposed to come into Nashville, but obviously the whole quarantine stuff happened. So we decided to have a zoom date and be like, hey,

the quarantine is not going to bring us down. So we did a zoom date in the entire time, you know what I mean, Like my business this mind, I'm like, this is so good, Like this is what all moms think and this is you know what, like what the husbands should hear or that the wife should hear. And it was just like you guys, save all of this and can we please to a zoom. And then when I told you about it, You're like, oh, I want to be on this. You know, I love the challenge.

I love the challenge. Should welcome that. I think you should introduce everybody. Okay, please welcome to the Wine Down Podcast. We've got Rachel, Lisa, Chelsea, and Andrea. Hello here, gangs, all here, Hi girls. Oh it just feels like home. You know. Hey, honestly, I think the only person that has the really strong accent is Rachel. No, come on, Rachel, give us your best Michigan line. I don't hear that Migan. Okay.

So we were talking last week and I think what I kind of wanted to start with because a similar situation had happened again last week. Um where it's frustrating because we're jumping right into it now that I have me and for my best girlfriends and you're the only husbandman here. Let's just get right. No, no, no, I'm not. This is not to be like a husband basher, like we just want to all talk about it, right for sure. So ladies, so I'm gonna take it from you and

four other wives. Great, exactly. No, but I don't know about you, and I don't know if I'm alone in this situation. But I think one of the things that has been frustrating during the quarantine is I feel like I'm constantly picking up stuff and doing the dishes and doing the kids laundry and folding him and putting him

away like a steep freezing. And then you know, after a long day, I go up to the playroom where you had just left and it's destroyed, and you know, like for me, when I go in there, I'm cleaning as I go. I'm sure the kids love that. Hey kids when they get older and they can really understand what's going on. Hey, kids go to the playroom. No, Mom, we don't want to go with you clean. Let us

play in the playroom. I know, I know, and we we've talked about that, like the guy the dad is like always the fun one, and you know, as moms were like, gosh, like, why aren't we the fun ones?

Because I think we're like, because we have to clean up this mess eventually, so we're just gonna clean it up now, and you know it's so hard, and we got it and we love that you guys play and you play, and Ryan, it's like we had dad playtime, which means like every toy is out and then boom throughout to the next place, and I'm like, can you pick up one toy after the next one? And it's

a struggle. Okay, it's not even the clean up for me, like tonight, Okay, it's the hime management of Sometimes I feel like I have three I'm not gonna swear three children, and it's like, by the way, Rachel has two, so I believe she's get into the question your children and a wonderful husband. However, it's like I have to I want think it's in bad like on the early side,

because I'm doing this with my girlfriends and Andrew knows that. However, I still feel like I have to micro manage every step of like get their jammis on, get them upstairs. It's like can like can't you know what to do? We do this every night and and the other thing is, I know you guys are gonna be like, we'll just sit back and let him do it. If I just sit there, it's gonna be ten pm. And then I'll like push, push, push to try to, you know, speed

things along, and we'll finally get downstairs. He's like, oh, how is it nine ten? I wonder I think, you know, maybe if you have hustled a little more. But there's no concept of like time when it ca to the kids, no concept of time with children. If you have this tonight, so like we had this tonight, and if you if the kids were still up and you're like, okay, it's it's nine o'clock, like, sorry, i gotta go, and the kids were still like running them mock, what would you do? Oh?

I would just still peace out and they would probably the kids will be partying really really mad that mom didn't talk them. Man, okay, let me ask you all this and I'm I'm having so much fun already just because my mom's going to questions. Okay, here's the deal, and this happens in our house. Jan is very strict on the schedule as all of you are doing. Time time, time, time up defensive already, No, no, no, no, no, I'm not defensive at all. I'm just saying I sleep trained

those babies from three months old. Like the reason our babies have napped so well was because I take pride in the fact and I give credit where credits due. There's no question. All of my friends that are having kids, I'm look, have your wife talked to Jane because she's like, unreal at it? And I've always followed the schedule. I'm right there with it. I'm on it, Okay. I never try to bend it or change it or anything like that. Yeah,

I know exactly where you're going, you know. But then a random day comes and I'm looking at the clock. I'm like, mmm, it's like, uh, you know, six fifteen, weren't bats going? Like, what's going on? Why we're waiting? And Jane's like, they can stay up a little later. We're hanging out, we're doing this, Jason's cuddling on me. I don't want to, and that's fine, Janna. If Janna moves the schedule, it's totally fine. If I moved the schedule. Mike, it's six fifteen. Why are they not in the bath

right now? You know they have to go down by six thirty. You should be reading books right now that he should be bath, diaper on, everything done. Why aren't you doing that. But if it's okay, because when it comes to the sleep, I feel like she put all the effort in. It's kind of like it's on her to be able to mess it up. But Mike, you just totally justified what I just said, at least like like waiting for Janna to tell you what he does,

and you did. Kids. I love them. You look at your watch and you're like, oh, Janna, like they don't like it's six fifteen, Joey, Jason, let's go. We're getting like, why do you why does Janna have to be banned? Oh my god, yes, no, but it's so true. Why does the wife have to be the one like, Okay, no, you don't have it's it's the only time because Janna knows. I'm very on with everything else. He's an incredible dad.

I don't sway from the schedule. I'm on it. So if it's six fifteen and we haven't discussed who's getting here or whatever, I just take the kids and I start going okay. And that's how you take the initiative, the initiative. No, no, no, no, I take the initiative

equally with Jenna. Yeah, I'm just talking about if we're separate or whatever, and just the schedule happens to to leak into something because maybe I'm I'm working or doing something that I have to work on in Janna has the kids and I come out, it's past the time

that they should be in their bath. And I'm like, if I were to do this and Janna was doing some work and she comes out and the kids weren't you know in bass yet, that she would be like and it's it's so interesting because it's true and I and I don't know why it's why. Maybe it's just me that I make an exception, like because I like, how can I bend the rules but he can't? Now it's I'm more lenient. But when the babies, it was

I was so strict on it. So but then if he didn't, But if I been it and you know, then he would be like, well I don't, and he would get so upset with me about it. And I get it, Like I can look back now and say you're right, Like, I like, how is it fair for me to bend it and you not to bend it? So I don't know, Like I mean, double standards exist. I am totally getting this right, now too. I never realized that I do that too, But it's the same thing.

And I don't know if it's because we wake up well, I know you guys have a different schedule, but like typically the mom's getting up with the kids in the morning, we're getting like we're thinking so far ahead, and I think to that point is what it is is it's like the husbands aren't thinking okay, like Jen, if you're sitting there watching TV and you're like, all right, you know what, the kids can watch three more minutes of

TV whatever. One We don't want to be the bad guy again to say, hey, guys, wrap it up, let's go upstairs, like dad, you'll be a bad guy. But also, since we slept trained them, don't we get to just kind of make the rolls up so then tomorrow the

kids will think we're fun. Mom and dad. You can crack the whip on them if we've like I feel like, if we're with the kids a lot of the day now now obviously it's different because everybody's schedules are at home or whatever, like and also kind of read like, okay, like are the kids overly tired? Are they not? Or like the next day you know, like if you have a lot going on, Like for me, it's more like if you have a lot going on the next day,

I'm like, okay, get to bed. But if not, then I'm kind of like, you know, I don't know, like and I agree though it is such a double standard in a negative way, kind of like for the moms, because I agree. I think sometimes we give too much, like oh, you guys can't do it, when no, you can. And if we did it, we wouldn't say anything. Even if you judge the husband's judged us, then we all know we would lose our minds because that's just what

we do, which is not good either. But I kind of want to ask because I feel like we have some interesting dynamics here in different situations within the home as far as like two working parents or stay at home mom or whatever. Isn't there just a primary parent though, like even if you have, like I guess it's it's more of a question, but I feel like the answer

is kind of yes, there's there's one parent. That's just more on it just takes more ownership of I disagree that my situation, even in our situation, who were essentially like to stay at home parents and do a lot of things fairly equally. There there are things that I admittedly Janna just steps up and and does and I think most of moms are that way right. If it wasn't for Janna, you know, Jolly wouldn't be enrolled in

the ballet class and this and that and whatever. Now, if I was a single dad, of God forbid, we're divorced and I had to do things, I would step up and do it. But you guys tend to do that before us, because you do do ten things at once, and you can do that, where for us we'd have to sit down. Okay, I'm going to search for dance ballet studios. Let's go by that time, you guys would already have have them scheduled three times a week and

what time. So, yes, I do believe that there's a primary parent, but I do think that people have ee month appointment that came. But it's I think you divvy up responsibilities. Now. I kind of give into some crap around that sometimes because she'll complain, you know, when we're at in a bad space about doing the kids laundries or doing this or doing that. I'm like, okay, well if you do that and you complain about it, And

if I did that, then what would you do? If you complain about everything that you do, and because I don't do it, then all of a sudden, I'm doing all of it and you're not doing anything. So I'm like, there there's a balance. There's a balance there. Like I know Janna takes the reins on the kids laundry. She just she just owns it. And you know what, I

could probably do more of it. I think maybe it comes down to, like, maybe not primary parent, but who's like the manager, right, because there can still be a balance of tasks, but who at the end of the day is really like the manager of it. Because so we have an interesting dynamic in that I had a career obviously before I had my daughter, before we had her daughter, and then I stayed at home with her for two years and then I went back to work

hard time, like thirty hours a week. So we kind of went through the transition of like stay at home mom for two years and working mostly part time mom and now for a load mom. But I think what was interesting is like even through all of that, sure some of the responsibilities shifted slightly, but I would say I still held the role of manager for like the

family and like our team, right which is fine. It's like to your point, Mike, like I'm happy doing a lot of it and my husband appreciates it, and I think, you know, like we're in a good place there. But I just think it defaults to that, and I think that's kind of what it comes down to in this conversation, Like you look to the manager and it's like okay for the manager to say, Hey, we're gonna stay up

twenty minutes later tonight. And that's not to say that like that doesn't happen with my husband some nights where he makes that call, because again, we're kind of more in a balanced place right now, just because I was working now again, So I just I think it's I don't mind it as much, and I think every family is unique, but I do think that you almost need that role of man manager because you do kind of need somebody to to really make sure that things aren't

falling through the craps. And I love that. Yeah, And and honestly I love that because that's almost like if you had that mindset, you could I could be like, yeah, Jason's up, you know I've changed it because whatever, and you can be like okay and not take it as well if I did that, it's more like the manager because mostly managing the situation that you then respect that and you don't you don't challenge it. I guess right,

So I feel like we don't challenge it. Well, you know, you get really upset though, if if it's only because after times of you giving me crap, I'm like, well but again, but you're not the manager. So that's that's where it comes into play. Like because you're not the manager, I'm like, hey, you have to follow the manager's schedule. Manager. But no, I mean it's a good point. I love that point. Rachel, would you got I'm falling. I like want to put like make myself a sign that's just

like Rachel house manager. That's like, that is your role, right, You've always been I have a title that has been you don't know, and I'm like manager, we can get promotions, right, I'm gonna tell I get a promotion. I'm going outline rate you like that though you you've managed, that's like you, that's like you've been that friend since forever. You would be like going out tonight girls where your dresses, like

group manager, that's time you can't come out. Let me all right, let me take that analogy that you're saying the manager and use it in another situation. Say someone's a primary breadwinner. Okay, and what you're talking about with like the being the house manager. Right, so if the kids are seeing that twenty minutes later, I'm the house manager.

I kind of managed the schedule. It's more okay. If the house manager is doing that now with money and there's one person that's the primary, you know, breadwinner, is it their role as the money manager? Then where do they have more right about how money is spent or you know, they can go buy something for themselves. But if the one who doesn't make the money goes and buy something, they give him crap for it, like because that's the area of contention as well, and something that

Jan and I've definitely run into. But Chelsea, you you're ready for this, Let's do it. It's a good point though, because it's it's it is a different managing point and I love that, Mike, that's great, go ahead, Chelsea. Personally, I think it's what your agreement is ahead of time, like as a husband and wife or as partners, did you agree ahead of time that I'm going to be the housekeeper. I'm going to take care of our children and raise our children. You're going to be going to

work and be the breadwinner. That makes us equal. I'm different planes, but you're bringing money home, but I'm raising our children not getting paid. Right, So I think it's just the difference of are you talking about it ahead of time or is it just all of a sudden, you know, someone stops working, someone is working, or someone makes less money than the other person. I think it's if you're going to talk about it, like, my husband works,

I'm retired, as I like to say, from a corporate job. Yeah, you know, it's hard sometimes to be a retiree, and especially climate at a young age, the retired life. It is. So anyway, he is the breadwinner, but we have that mutual respect for each other and understanding that just because he's bringing the money home doesn't mean that it's something like I can't just go and buy things that I want. Obviously,

if there's big purchases and stuff like that. You know, every couple has their own dynamic of when they're going to be talking about money and things that they're spending. But in terms of a management role, I don't think they shouldn't have any bearing on it. That if you're if you're the breadwinner, I don't think it should have any bearing. I mean, look, you're the cook manager and

I never debate what's for dinner. When you say what's for dinner and I say that's all right, right, okay, that's such a That is such a good point too, because if someone's taking that role on and they're saying, hey, I'm gonna make dinner. What if every single night you were like, well I don't like my husband. It's like

I'm good, just gonna eat meat every night. You get the thumbs up here that to Mike because you don't want to do it and from and that's just it's like my mom told me my little Rachel, never learn how to use the lat more ever, because if you learn how to do it, then you gotta have to do it. So guess what, I don't know how to use a lot more turn a lot of that garage stuff. On'll never I'll never learn how to do it. No time out, time out, Rachel. I have to call you

out because last time we talked on the phone. You were saying that. Andrew was like, how do you not know how many sods for yards or whatever? And I'm like, Rachel, you don't need to know how many yards of sun do you need? But yet he was expecting you to know how much? But I did. Okay, so and I did put a bunch of We were a team. We were a team. Okay. I just have to say, Rachel put that mulch down so once she could burn calories and she could get steps in. Was it sunny that day?

If it was, she was getting a tan, got her tan, and she's like, look at I worked out. I I put out all right? Andrew? Oh um, no, it was funny. Rol and I actually my husband I actually had that exact conversation about like, because he is the primary bread winner. And we had that conversation because there was a purchase that came up and that we didn't quite agree with and that he made or that you made that I made. I'm sorry that I hadn't made it yet, but he

didn't agree with me making it. And can we ask what it is? It was just like a gift for somebody.

It wasn't like a big thing. I think it's just we have different philosophies and like gifting, like gifts for the family and went to give gifts, and it's because he just came from a slightly like his family is just a little different in that regard, and so it's something that we've always like kind of had a little bit of disagreement with, and so we had a disagreement on that, and it kind of came down to like who has the final say and he's like, you know,

you have the final say when it comes to everything with Nola or daughter, and then I have the final say kind of on the finances. But it wasn't as like black and white as that. I think what it really came down to is like, yes, I understand that we make these decisions together, and it's really just about kind of respecting the other person's role. And I think that's kind of what it comes down to, is the

respect and the communication of it. So it's it's like, sure, I can under I can acknowledge that you are the manager of the finances or that you're the primary breadwinner, and he acknowledges that I'm the manager mostly of like Nola's food and schedule and school and everything else, and and and even the bigger things related to our family and and our lifestyle. But I think it's that we still address it as a team, and it's not so

much final say. It's just that at the end of the day, we respect that that person is kind of more the authority on those things, because the final say is just such a dead end, and it doesn't feel like a very collaborative like word to put to it. But I think we that's just kind of how we approach it, is that like if there really was a big conflict, we would still work it out together. It's not like, well, this is what I'm saying, and like that's it. Like it's it's my way or the highway

type thing. So it's not the best phrase to put to it. But I just think that we're okay with like I'm okay that he's the primary redwinner and and but we still make those decisions together and say, well, how did that conversation? Is different than like, like that's

a much bigger thing. Although it's a good analogy, I think finances are still a much bigger thing than like the schedule for our child or something I would maybe equated more to like how we're disciplining our child, because I feel like that's maybe on the same level of finances, right, like in terms of like importance of the like your beliefs on that topic. Did you give the gift like that? Andrew was like, you can't send that gift. I don't know.

It wasn't like that. I think it just more was like that conversation that kind of prompted the bigger conversation of I think that's really earlier on in our marriage when we kind of discovered like whose role is what? Because actually at the time, I think that was early on when we had when we had Nola. But either way, it was it was more just like that specific situation that kind of prompted the bigger conversation of kind of how we're working through that type of stuff and how

we're just communicating about it. But I mean, Mike and I we had a similar recently conversation about it's just about having the conversation, conversation and just respecting the other person and saying, hey, so we we had an amount, and now if there's anything over that amount, we say, hey, you know, I would really like this, you know, because

it's not asking permission. It's about respect. And I think I know that you've had a hard time with that because you said, like you feel like you're asking permission, and I kept saying, it's not about I don't you don't need to ask for my I'm not your mom. But at the same time, it's just I would ask you just It's just it's just a respect thing, right, Yeah, And I mean I'm more comfortable with it now than

I had been in the past. Um, but I make up that that is, uh, it's a little bit more difficult for men um maybe than it is for women. And that's maybe generalizing a little bit, but just in

my person will experience it. It's felt difficult in all honesty, even even now with all the work that Jan and I've done in general and our couple of ships, and and on this topic, even now, if I was making if I was say the primary breadwinner, like if I was playing football still and I was making that kind of money again, I would have more confidence going and buying something and coming home with it. Say, I want to go buy a you know, a thousand dollar a gun.

I came home with it and Jan I was like, why did you buy that? And I was like, well, because I wanted to get it, you know, like I would be confident if I do that now, I would be like I'm a dead man. No no, no, no, no, no no, no no no no. I only say that because that's irresponsible. Regardless, it shouldn't matter whether I'm making the money, you're making the money, that that would be irresponsible to do. I'm just saying it's like my psyche

would would feel more confident. You still don't think you asked her for like that amount, And I guess I don't know right, Like it's so tough because I agree, like if there's like I'm not asking Ryan I every time I buy something that Target, because I'll know I'd be just like seriously, like Target came again, I'm like,

I must have just bought a couple of things. But I don't know if like I don't know, I don't know if I ever would be like if I bought like a big item, no matter how much money, I feel like I still would ask or he would ask, you know what I mean. I think it was a big turning point from Mike. He went to a gun store actually with your friend Matt. I don't know if

you want to tell that story or not. But I feel like that it clicked for you in that moment before you tell the story if you bought one or not, But did you at that point? So I guess I'm kind of looking Mike in your sense of Gianna. If he brought one home, you would have already maybe had an idea that that would be something that he would want, right, Like, it wouldn't be like an out of the blue whatever

it is, right you know what I mean? If it's like a big purchase item and if somebody I like, like I've really been wanting this and you know I have, then I'd be like, oh, you know, it wouldn't be like a conversation of like boom, I got this like Twitter thing. And I think the problem with this is honestly, like the word ask. It's like it's so like and my husband Andrew were a married word team, like, doesn't we need to ask permission? I actually just I hate

that word. I hate that. I hate that whole thing like ask, Like we are a team, right, so if we have a budget, if we have like and you know, you're communicating about finances and maybe you want to do X Y and Z with the kids, and you want to take a trip just for you guys, and you're planning on doing maybe like some type of renovation or something. I don't think it should even be like I need to ask your permission. I think it's like, hey, I'm thinking about giving this. I know we want to do X,

Y and Z, like what's collaborate. I hate that whole, like ask right, because it's so so good idea and I and I hear you, Yeah, we're one unit. I just to me, I just hate that. Yeah and we and we hear you on that. I think that's where, you know, we've gotten stuck in our situation where for Mike at least, where he's like I don't want to feel like I have to ask you, and it's like I never want you to feel like you have to ask.

It's just I personally just would never even buy a pair of shoes that being like, hey, is it okay if I get these was I've really wanted them for

a really long time. And it's just because I just would feel bad because hey, it's a it's a chunk of money and I don't really do it a lot, but you know, I will say at least, if I'm being honest, I would have been frustrated if he came home with a new gun, because he had just bought a bunch of new guns, and so I'd have been like, man, like you needed like a six you know, however many guns like, so I wouldn't. I would have felt a

little upset about that. And I think too, it's about expectations right where it's almost unspoken expectations where in a situation you almost expect your spouse to handle the situation

the same way you would. So when Janna, like at sits there and she does come to me and like, hey, would you mind if I bought these parachutes, I'm like, I never give Jane crap about anything, like when it comes to money or purchasing, I'm just like yeah, like, and it's it's ultimately because I default to trusting her, like she wouldn't do it if it was irresponsible, She wouldn't do it if it wasn't something she really wanted or just out of the blue, kind of like to

your point, Lisa, where you know, if Ryan's been talking about golf clubs and he came home with a new set, you'd be like Okay, yeah, you've been talking about that instead of he comes home with a motorcycle one day and you're like, wait, what you know? So so I definitely get that. I think that's a really great point kind of if it's something that they've been talking about

so unfairly. I must expect Janna in the past more so to almost not give me crap, because I never give her crap about things, even when she you know, Jane is very free real but when it comes on like vacations or she wants to take trips with the kids or this or that, you know, I never give a crap about money. And that's ten times more than what I'm talking about getting. But it's with the family, it's with the kids and experience of memory and all

that stuff. But still money is green in each scenario, you know. But she's justifying it probably because she's like, I'm thinking of the family and I'm thinking of together, not like and I just yeah, and I just said at the end of the day, I think it's something where it's again like I'm not saying ask at all. It's just like, hey, a thousand dollar you know, um gun, you know, this is something I really want just a conversation.

Like all I want is just like a conversation, just like you're in the dark, and you know, like, unfortunately, I feel like and I'm not trying to get down, but I think I have little trigger issues around money just because of issues of our past, and like, yeah, where it's just like, oh man, you know where I feel not respected in that in that sense, you know, but you've you know obviously, like the communication now has been incredible, and you know we've been on a on

a better place together. You know. Well, let's let's take a break real quick. We'll wrap this up and move on to something. Okay, So, Chelsea, what happened tonight that you wanted to talk about? Yeah? Oh yeah, I totally forgot about that. Uh. I feel like it's like a miscommunication thing or it's just like what the hell are you thinking? In terms of the um timing, like of husbands, it's like this ring, so I like, we're eating dinner

and it's our son, who's you know, eighteen months. He goes to sleep at like seven fifteen, pretty much like before seven thirty. Olivia goes to sleep around eight eat thirty, and I'm like, hey, he's like so messy from eating dinner. I'm like, hey, if I were to take him in the shower right now, would you get him out and put him to bed, because he like clearly needs a shower right now, and so I would just do that.

But like for me to put him in the shower and get him out of the shower and put him to bed, it's like I would be talking to you guys at ten o'clock, you know what I mean. It's just like so much to do along with putting Olivia to sleep, like everything would have been pushed back. So he's like, yeah for sure, so yeah, yeah, go ahead, because I'm like, you know, I want to be on time for the eight thirty thing, and like Olivia has

to go to sleep. So like he and his poker was at eight thirties, so like we all had this like eight thirty deadline to get everything done. So we're I'm like cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, and then all of a sudden, he disappears, and I'm like where is he? And I'm literally looking everywhere for him, and he's outside and I was like, where are you? And he we just got a swing set, so like they left the boxes in the back they like packed all the boxes in a one big box, and our garbage

comes tomorrow. So he's like bringing this garbage box up from our backyard. Like I just ask you if you could get the baby out of Like I have like six minutes to do this. Okay, it's like shower everything off the baby. You take him out of the shower.

I get it, Like this is gonna be like a six seven minute situation, like quick quick, Then he goes to bed, not like I'm waiting forty five minutes for you to get garbage from downstairs outside upstairs, and like what if I And I just think, what if I would have just gone in the shower, I would have been literally waiting for for forty minutes. What time was your trash come? Did he feel like he needed to do it first? Thing? Like like Just I have no ideas,

Like look, we're single minded creatures. Okay, we do one thing at time. We're like squirrel. So when we see that squirrel, we gotta to go take care of it right then and there. And I will say this to Just and this is just uh, you know again expectations. If he didn't get it then and he forgot and it did go out tomorrow morning and the trash comes and you show the trash, would you, Chelsea say, hey, Tad,

why didn't you take the boxes to the trash? You know, the trash comes today, why didn't you take it out there? Because it needed to go. It is really interesting about guy timing though, because just the other day, you know, we were having a snow cone thing with Jolie and it's like, hey, everyone's coming at two thirty, and it's like he's just sitting there putting together, like you know, and and it's for the family. Like what he's putting

together is for the family together. The trampoline that we got that morning, right, and I get it and it's so great, But like there were so many other things that you know, I needed help with and I'm just like, hey, everyone's coming, and what time do you think he finally goes to change and get ready when everybody comes changing changing, get ready before This isn't the breakup, but I mean when when and anger came over, it was like, hey, you know, and it's like you're getting like you get

ready right when the doorbell rings and I'm like, oh my god, And I mean get ready. I came out front, but it's just I'm sweating, and I'm like, okay, I'll get all of it. Like it's it's the ice and the called. You gotta get a little, you know, a little Okay that quote where it's like, hey, honey, I'm totally ready, the kids are up, the cars, floaded, let's go, It's like, oh, I just kind of get in the shower. That's my life. And so now I'm like, Okay, if I tell me have to leave it for, then will

actually be ready at for to help me. So, oh, that's a good idea. I should start doing that to Jannah then always for the snow cone party. You know what you Mike, the snow cone parties at two not too thirties. Great, honey, all you gotta do is put together this little bench and put a snow cone machine on top of it. No, no, no, no, what's what's the big deal? What's the big deal? It's not that hard. It's not that hard to do any like that's what is just like crazy or Ryan's big thing. I'm gonna

go pack the car, Lisa, what are you packing? Like what is he packing? But like whatever, And then in his defense, then he will say like okay, so and this is where as Mom's were wrong, So what can I do to help? And I'm like, what what do you want me to put the kids in? And it's almost easier for me to be like, okay, well I'll

just do it, you know, like that. So that's where I'm like, well, shoot, if I had them more together and laid everything out, then he could be doing it, but you know, or then like well, and he will help me, like so what should I pack the kids for dinner? And it's it's almost like easier for me to like just do it, but then I'm still stressed out. But even so I feel again that comes to expectations because we could pack something for dinner, but then we

pull out what we get brought for dinner? You bought that? Why did you bring greats? I told you I wanted you bring melon. We need to get rid of that melon. Well, who's the manager of who's supposed to be doing so whoever is the manager? Like Andrea said, whoever is the manager needs to then pack that food because you are the manager of what they're eating, right, But the thing is if you were like, hey, manager when it's convenient for you. A good manager. Manager delegates what you're eating.

That is such a big thing for me because I want the kids to eat mostly organic if they can, I try to get them to eat like this is. I don't let really let them eat junk food for the most part, but Jimmy is a big dunk food eater. So people be like, it's so funny. Olivia always raps them out and she'll be like, guess what Danny just

gave me? What did you guys? What was I think she called it the one time I remember that video I sent you and she was calling Oreo like, oh diarrheo, Oh my gosh, I should tell this story on the podcast. It is so funny. I mean we are recording. I will just say something really fast though. We went to the grocery store at the very first time I've ever been to the grocery store in a month and a half. I mean I went with him. We had them, I had the mask on and everything. And again I'm the

cooking the family. I'm the shopper when it comes to grocery store. And I said, by the time we got done, I was like, it looked like a twelve year old boy, like picked everything out in the shopping cart because every I we're walking down, I'm with these, I'm with these. It literally felt like I had a third kid, Like Gina put that away. We don't need princess fruit snacks, Yes, dude, you always love them. We got the Princess goldfish today.

I meant quarantine. We spent two dollars because Janna came with me today. Mike, I hear you. If I ever go grocery shopping with my husband, which it's been forever since that's happened, but he's literally like the kid that is like reaching from there into like the impulse by section and getting like the candy. I mean, no joke, I will you guys would die if you found out how many Mini Cabale eggs shipments we had some. Yes,

that's how I mean, starting in January. As soon as those things become available for the year, he is like, they will and apparently my day we live we live with my parents right now because our house is being built. Apparently my dad is obsessed with these things too, so they have like these dueling shipments of mini caver eggs coming in My husbands Like I got a six pound

bag coming in? What about you? John, I'm like, that's what I'm doing with Okay, let's take a quick break, and then I want to come back because I want to bring up something that happened the other day and I would love my girl's in pets. So, um, stay tuned. Okay, So remember a girl when I talked to you the other night and I said that Michael and I got into a little bit of a tiff. Okay, So I just kind of want to get some input because I want to know how to be a better wife in

this situation. So I would love y'alls input. Why are you looking at me like that? Because I don't know growing up thing. I want to know how I can be yeah, like very impressed. No, I just because I I don't know if y'all are like this, but I'm

assuming we're from the same cough. Um so um. About a week and a half ago, Um, I woke up with the kids, and most most mornings, Mike has the kids because he wakes up at six to do his meditation and he reads his books and um, and then you know, he gets Jolie wakes up, and then Jason. Then I wake up like an hour later and um and so. But this morning, I took the kids and I'm cleaning and you know, doing the dishes is in doing laundry, and in my in my mind, I was

so excited to see Mike. I was so excited to say good morning, like I I I really wanted that opportunity to say good morning to him. Um and Julie kept saying, Mommy, can we make up daddy? And I said no, baby, like let him sleep. And I had started, you know, folding the laundry, and then I heard Jolie you know, go into the room and I was just like, oh, like I wasn't ready to see Mike yet because I

was in my mode. And I know when I get in my frame of mind, I'm very one dimensional and I and I just go and I know I talked about this last podcast, but you know, it's really been sitting with me because I don't know. And then when I saw Mike, I was like, hey, um, hey, just so you know, can you pick up the clothes because you know so and so and this and like it's

in the corner. And then the maids. I really liked the maids to come because they said they with their masks and you know, blah blah blah, and we haven't had them in two months in the house a little and I'm having this conversation and he's just like, I just woke up, you know, but I've already been up for three hours. So I'm just curious, have you guys had that same situation? Because he woke up with sex? So turn half actually question, I had the timer on

the morning, but who are you a morning person? I'm a total morning person, but it's my morning person. I am now. He is now, but he doesn't like to be in his It's a gradual process. Jenna wakes up.

It's like I'm up, Like I wake up and I'm like, hey, good morning, and he's like like and so I so you know when I was doing all those things and he wakes up and he's he feels and totally rightfully so and I'm so sorry, Like I had every intention of being like good morning, day, but I couldn't meet him there because I was just already in my work mode and I wasn't there and I had already skipped that place. So I'm like, have you guys dealt with that before? And yes, go yeah, So guilty. I have

totally done that. And then Ryan will even call me out and he'll be like, hi, honey, how are you, And I'm like oh, and then I do feel guilty and I'm like, oh my gosh, you're right. I just and it wasn't like I was coming at I'm like annoyed or anything like that. I was just like, hey, like this is what I'm trying to get done today.

And I'm like, oh, I should take a step back, and like that's on me, like you know that I should have been like, hey, how are you and then taking a breather, but instead it's like the first thing is like, well, I need you to fix this. I need to do that. And it's not because I, like I said, I'm annoyed that I was up doing something first, like that's just where my frame of mind is. And he's kind of almost like almost like head to like be like hey, like check yourself that, like hey, how

are you? And I'm like, oh, you're right, Like I think that's that like slow down, that printer is still going to be there in the next ten minutes. After I have met cup of coffee and you say good morning to me, and in my head. I'm like when I'm trying to put this off, and I'm like and it's like and it's so and it's on me and I know it, and I'm like, oh, and then I feel guilty. And then I tried to backtrack for that. I'm like, well, that's the thing. I kept backtracking and

then I was keeping making it worse. I'm sorry, but I totally hiddacted and like that, and then like and then we got into a worse argument after that, Rachel what he got. I think it goes back to, like it's we're in COVID, we're in shelter and place or social distancing, right, and like we are trying to keep

up with our normal routines, right, our normals. And you deal with anxiety, Jana, be Lisa, you do too, And I feel like a lot of us control and manage our anxiety by like having a plan and getting things done and staying organized. And it's really hard to know

when to like pull back and soften. And it's like in general, like when you look at for myself personally, like the transition to being at home and having your whole routine just like blow up and and having your husband home all the time and like having me kids there and then have going to like be like sexy and romantic and loving and like all this stuff. When everything just blow up, I think it's just really about

trying to soften. And I would say, like the first couple of weeks of going through this, it was hard, and then just like being able to pull back and let some of the stuff go and let yourself like soften and say certain things just don't matter, so you have that time to kind of connect more with your spouse. Like today, I'm I know, I've like thirty minutes before the kids wake up from nap, and Andrew's just got a conference call on the beastment and he texts me.

He's like, hey, baby, like what you're doing? Oh my gosh, like mess like and I literally have I literally have the cleaning supplies out, and I'm like, I have a half hour, you know all this stuff. I can get this half hour right, Like that's my plan. I'm gonna get all clean. And he's like, hey, baby, can I

come up? You want to hang out? And in my head, I'm like the first thing I wanted to respond because he's in the basement and I'm the second level and I and I want to respond like, oh my gosh, I'm in the middle of the cleaning like now, but that was like, hold back, it's really important right now, right, And I was like, sure, come on, but it's hard, like I feel like that takes time, right. I just

think it's a couple of things. I think to your point rage, we're all looking for some sense of control right now, especially like in this world right now that the future is a little uncertain right so we don't know what it's gonna look like. So I think what I've tried to keep in mind is I'm trying to empathize with people in in trying to be conscious of the ways in which that may come out for them.

Like my mom who is like obsessing over like oh, I have to find geese because I have to make bread, and I'm like wanting to freak out on her, like like Mom, it's like who cares about bread? But then I'm realizing this is her outlet, like that's what she needs right now to create some sense of control. And I think that's one silly example, but I think it's important, I guess not lose sight of that and just be a little more forgiving and give people a little more

leeway during this time. And so I think that's one piece of it. But I guess so I think my husband's pretty understanding of that because I think I'm looking for that control too, because I am a pretty type a person. But I think outside of quarantine, it's about meeting in the middle. I think to the whole example, Janna, like the fight and everything like we do that, I am totally like very similar to you, and I think the rest of us like go go go, Like I

have my checklist, I want to get things done. I you know, it's it's all about kind of the work ahead of me. And my husband has said to me a few times like hey, like I'm here, hello, Like can you slow down? Can you like pause for a minute, Can you give me a kiss? Can you like hold my hand? And so I appreciate that he calls that out to me, and so I try to be more

conscious of that, I think day to day. And I think I've also tried to let him into like what's going on in my brain too, so that he kind of understands why I'm maybe not slowing down as much and all the things I need to get done, and not just what I need to get done, but what is actually required to get each thing done, because I

think sometimes it's a lot more than he thinks. But then the other piece of it is, like again, I think it's really just meeting in the middle because I'm the type of person and he knows me that, like when I get on a particular task, this is not every task, but when I get on a particular task, I get my mindset on it and like nothing else matters, I need to finish it. And so I think he respects that in certain tasks and maybe not in everything, but I think he respects that and and kind of

gives gives me that moment at times. But then again I'm trying to also meet him in the middle and remember that it's okay to slow down and not be like ships passing in the night all the time, and like shows him affection or just like pause and enjoy the little moments rather than just like checking and chipping away at my to do list because it's still going to be there tomorrow. That's good. I like that. Um, before we take another break and then go to emails, Mike,

do you have anything for the ladies? Like you know, how to how to deal with your wife for you know questions. I mean, that's just really driving you crazy that you just want to know. Not really not right now. But I will say and this is just and Janna

can attest to this, just my personality. And I don't know if it comes from a place of defensiveness or well, where it really comes from is you know, take these scenarios that we're talking about right now, you know, and if I was that way to Joanna the way she was to me that morning, like how would that make her feel? So it's and that's where I feel, you know again just like the manager of the house and this and that where the double standards come into play.

Where it is that that grey area for a lot of these topics that even if you have great communication, even if you try to stay ahead of this, those are inevitable situations and just to be able to have grace with one another that you know, we don't need to escalate it. But just understand why that morning I would be upset, you know, we're frustrated because it to me, it validated my fears of the one morning in the last ten days that you got the kids and I

met with, Hey, hey, we need to do this. You need to pick up your clothes. I'm like, now, all of a sudden, literally, I even said to Gain at one point when I felt bombard, I was like, you know what, I should have just gotten up, sorry, I shouldn't have slept in And I was like, oh my god, no, I'm so sorry, and like I was like being apologetic. I was like, I'm sorry. I was like, I just like I just was doing dishes and laundry. I'm so sorry.

Like I was being for sure apologetic in that moment, and I was frustrated that it happened like that, Mike, when she apologizes to like that and you see that she genuinely wasn't trying to hurt your feelings or like just did it unknowingly? Do you guys just like give each other hugging, like all right, like let's start over or okay, you know when you would just say I understand or is it something where you kind of hold a grudge on it and then you guys have a

chip on the rest of the day. By the way, I wasn't like hey, I was like, hey, good morning. Like I wasn't like super friendly, but I wasn't super bitchy either, you know. I was like, I was like in the middle. So I was like it made me sound really bitchy. And then I was like, oh, I don't like that. Like you know, I was like I would never say hey, Like you know, I was like, hey, great question, like the perfect pitch for you, just to wonder how mad she kissed me? Right, and yes, exact

great question. And we both we've done both. We've had those moments where we've apologized, Hey, I'm sorry, I was just annoyed. All right, love you, We're good. Um that morning, I think again, when it's depending on the situation, like I said, for me, underneath of it was validated the fear. It's like the one morning I chose to sleep in, you know, regardless of all the other mornings that I get up for or and get the kids, it's already

held against me. I make up this story that she's that way because of me, because she had to get up, and and then when she adds on top of it, you know, going straight and I this goes back to my childhood. I hate being bombarded. Like even when my parents give me chores, I'm like, look, give me one

at a time. Don't tell me, hey, do this after that, you need to do this, after that, you need to do this, and so on top of that, Jana has given me like two three things on top of what's going on, and I'm just like shutting down for sure. And I totally see that, and I like, I super apologize for that because I can see that, and I remember being like, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. But I feel like by that point, it's like the first

thing I said, it was already out the window. I had that I had, and I kept apologizing, and I was just like and I almost kept digging because I was apologizing more. And I think it made him because maybe from Mike's point of view, he's like, well, you said it, so there was some truth story. You said it in that tone, so you must have had something, you know, and there wasn't. I was just like right.

And the fact that, like she said, even though she was apologizing, she was taking deeper because because then she was saying things like, well, Jolie hijack the morning. I was like, even if Julie came in, okay, be frustrated with Jolie, don't take that out on me like I wouldn't take that out on you, you know, So it's like I felt like it was just defensive excuses that I'm like, why can't you just say I'm really sorry? I came in that way I was frustrated with Jolie,

But can we start the day over? And I think that's and I think that's where we can do better as a couple to where we you know, we both can say I can say that, and then also like if I if I can't meet me there, then you can say, hey, I'm sorry that really frustrated me, and like to speak your feelings too, because like I didn't know that you were because I ended up saying I'm sorry, and you know, you didn't tell me that you were upset, so it was just like then you didn't express your feelings.

So I think it's just about like staying on top of your feelings well. And I think it's also of the perfect example of you let out your frustrations on no matter who it's with, with the person you're closest to, right like something's going wrong, Like you know, Ryan will come home from work and he's just like, oh hey, and I'm thinking, like, oh hey, but it's because he's been talking and like all day and it's not right.

It's not towards me. So then I'm like okay. But then I'm like, but that's like when I was working, I like I can I can see it, like you kind of like put down your wall and your frustration. And I just think everybody takes it personally because we all want, you know, But I know I've been guilty of it the other way. I've been like being like, oh, yeah,

well I'm doing X, Y and Z, you know. So I think that's a tough thing to we take out, you know, how mad we are, or like if the kids, like you said, munturely hijacked it, like I know when I'm frustrated with the kids, and then Ryan says something, I'm like yeah, and he kind of like laughs at me almost because he's just like wait a minute, Like I totally was not the one that was just in

trouble right now. I'm like, Okay, you're right, you know, but I mean I just think that's anything, right, like your kids crying in front of you more than anyone because it's like safe zone. I just think you nood question you wanna take one more break and then get to some of these. Okay, alright, so have a good DM that just came to the Wine Down podcast Instagram. How do you handle when you have different parenting views

with your spouse? I e. My husband and I disagree on what our toildler can and cannot eat in the size of the bites. However, my husband never feeds him but always puts his two cents in or thinks he's choking every time he coughs when eating. Honestly, this sounds so dumb as I type it, but it drives me crazy. And yes, I've told my husband he can eat certain things um or fine, you feed him, but we always are in this cycle. So how do you guys deal

with different parenting views with your spouse. Let me just say this in response, I can't defend this guy. He needs to shut the hell up if he's not if he's not the one being or picking the foods, like, shut up. You don't know how manager and that and that's just again from from our relationship, from us doing a lot of things equally. I just if it's something that Janna slowly does, I trust her to do that. Now,

if it's something I solely do. Jenna is inquisitive and still wants to ask questions and challenge at times, but that respectfully. If you disagree to it, respectfully, don't do it in a way not collaborative or counterproductive, or especially in front of the child in a hole. Do you guys have any issues with y'all's husbands at all about just parenting differently? Well, I know we were talking earlier about Yeah, I think I know what she weirds she's

coming from. It's a little different. I totally agree with with Mike and you guys what you're saying if you're not going to participate in it, like but out of having an opinion on it. But in terms of different parents, it's the same thing. Like my husband loves junk food and I just didn't grow up with junk food. Like we never had um pop in our house. We never had junk food in our house. It was just something that I like never grew up with. And we never

really had candy in our house. Like we definitely had like pastries and things like that, which is probably why

I'm addicted to cake. But like it's just something that I don't see is valuable for the kids in their lifestyle, especially when they're babies, Like they just don't need sugar, they don't need inflammatory foods, you know, when they're diet So, like I was telling you guys earlier, you know, my husband will secretly give our kids oreos or something like that, and like, like Mike, you just gave a judging parents.

It was like, because I mean, I like some junk food, but still I'm not like giving it, sneaking it to the kids. I just feel if it's going to be healthy for them, I mean I'm not I'm not crazy about it. Obviously, they eat ice cream, they eat cake, they eat other things. But it's just like it can be a treat, you know, if she does something great, if our kids do something great, it can be like that's a great treat to give her an oreo, give

her Eminem's or something like that. But she doesn't need to just at in the morning have an oreo for you know. So you guys are laughing, okay. A confession of a time when you think you were a bad mom, or a funny mistake you did as a parent. A confession of a time when you think you are a

bad mom. What day of the week, honestly, it's like I try so hard not to ye like my that's just me in my in my house with my children, and I know what works for my for my children, right is like at least my son who's four and half, is that if he sees any inflection if I raised my voice, it's over like I just made it worse.

Like if there's like I blew it up. Right. So I remember telling this to the girls a while ago, and he was it was he was probably like it was probably a year ago, and it was when eight my daughters too now, but it was when she was a baby and I'm trying to get hurt a nap and he's like not napping, coming out of his room like and I literally ended up literally like jumping in his room like or like screaming, like jumping up. And now I'm being like, you test me to go to bed?

I mean, is four jumping like a crazy person? Like that is not the mom I want to be. I do a lot of yoga. I do a lot of yoga. Yoga is a big part of my wife. Like Mike, you Janna said you do meditation or whatever like that. I'm trying not to be that person and oh was I that person? And I felt so bad about it, But part of it was like that release, like you try so hard to be so good and then I'm a mom like jumping on the floor of my chuck my hands and you're like, any thank you, Rachel. That

was perfect. Maybe he needed it, Maybe he needed that, like he needed to know that mommy needed a break. And you know, yeah, I can picture doing it. I do not make my child wash her hands every time she goes through the bathroom because she doesn't even touch anything. Confession. I mean same with us. I think for sure. We never Jually is like I'm going to the bathroom. We're like, okay, she comes out, Oh my god, I'm dying. You know,

it's tough. It's tough. There's the soap shortest. We told our kids couch it's twenty So every time our son is like one to three, I walk in, he's just standing there comfy. I'm like, you have to actually wash her, roll that in and then he's like, I'm doing such a good job. What do you have to scrub? You have to scrub. We have done a really bad job of brushing Jolie's teeth in the morning. Oh same, we don't.

We just gred to each other, were like, we need to start morning because we do really well at night, all night, all the time, but the morning. I mean, I don't know if I brush my teeth in the morning. So the best is when we're in bed at night and I get have to brush my teeth. And I'm so crazy about brushing teeth. I do it multiple times a day. Jane, I'll hear gen Si that means I have to brush my teeth. Well, why we're growing adults. Why are you sign about you don't want to brush

my teeth with your parents? All right? I have one. This was just last week. Oh no, I told I think I told you about it. So um Julie. Julie was taking or Julie and I were taking a shower, which just another topic like what age do you stop taking a shower with your anyways? Well, well up, time out, time out about showers, Jolie, Um, Jolie has called you all threeams. Michael was changing Jason's diaper and he's like, j C. Penis penus pani is really small and he goes,

daddy perdus purus. I was like, and then Julie started doing it. Yeah, and then then then Julie starts walking around going, daddy, Penis, I was a call. Wait, do get that call from pre school? Do you get that call from pre school? I guess I got two parent faws. Okay, So last week, so Janna is given Jason bath upstairs. Um, Julie likes to take a shower in our shower sometimes, so I'm like, all right, Daddy, take a shower with you. I gotta shower anyway. And she was just having a fit.

She did not want to wash her hair. She'd not want to soaps. You don't want to listen. So Julie has this thing right now where when she's upset with us, she goes like I want Nana, Papa, Machelle, every person in her life, every other person in her life but us, And even she says, ain't my angel, which is our friends who has a farm and a horse, and she just took over a horse. She's like, I want my angel.

So she's screaming this. So instead of the like Jolie like, just take a shower, I start mocking her and seeing it back to her, I'm like She's like, i I'm like, no, She's just screaming at the top of her lungs, just echoing in the shower, killing our ear drums, and I'm just giving it right back to her. I mean it was hilarious. But afterwards, I was like, man, I probably wasn't the right thing to do, but it was fun join them. I was like, we're both about to have

a fit right now, let's do this, guys. Well, this has been so much fun, and honestly, there's so much more that I want to talk about from you know, how Jason is becoming a monster eighteen months and breaking my heart and like it's just a real sad day in the house. Um, can we part part two this later? I would love to part two, that the part three and part for it. I really hope that you guys loved this. Oh wait, there was one last question. Did I just want to ask the person goes, what was

Janna like in high school? You would leave this to the end? Okay? I just got arow whole newspaper, remember, yeah, we had the one page. It was like, remember remember when Janna cried because Anthew would always break my heart always? But then Jane's was remember when I cried and I cried linked them. I was an emotional being. It was an emotional We've all evolved for the better. But no, no I saying bad. I'm just saying, you know, we've kept some things, am I emotional? All Right? Well that

was fun, Um, Rachel, Lisa, Chelsea, Andrea. I would love to do this again. Um, I hope you guys love this again. D M s at the wind Down Podcast Instagram and um, this was a lot of fun. Seriously, I've I've written down a few more things in my phone that I'd love to talk about, just about parenting in general. And yeah, I think this is great. I think the listeners will really enjoy this. Alright. Alright, um, stay tuned. Bye ladies, than you. Bye,