Find your “Enough” with Audrina Patridge

see seventy nine then feels okay. Alright, so um, but we're both wearing big sweatshirts and we're ready for fall. Ready it's been so so ready, very excited because we've got Audrina on from the Hills. Um. She's got a new book out, which, um, I'm very excited to read because she does not hold back and I love that about her because she's sharing. It's called Choices, To the Hills and Back Again. And I believe she's in the waiting room, so let's just pop her on. Hi, can

you hear me? I can hear you where it's the pretty face, Oh my goodness, the tired face here, no stop it. You look beautiful, but Honestly, I feel that right now because I was just like, god, I look shiny and like I just put my kids down five minutes early for nap time because I'm like, yeah, I just set here up in her room. I'm like, guld me like twenty minutes with the dog and watch a movie.

I know that's this is my best friend Catherine by the way, um, but yeah, it's one of those things where because I knew we had this, thank you for changing the time too. But I was like, oh my gosh, I don't I don't have my someone who was helping me during the summer. She left, and so I was just like, okay, twelve o'clock, but jas's napps at twelve. But then I gotta put the like popping the crate. I gotta put it given I I had a Joel because I think daughters around the same age six. And

then I'm like Russian Cabins, like we got this. I've helped for sure. I don't know you. It's hard, and you know, I don't really have a lot of help either. I have my family, but they're all you know, they all have their own lives too, so and Kura's so picky about who she wants her, you know, wants to She's like, I like her, but I don't like her. In two hours, I'm gonna count down. I'm like, oh my gosh, Well that's good that she's very vocal about like,

you know what she wants. That's that's a that's a good that's a good thing. What is your what is your custody split? Um? I have her full time, full time? Okay, that is so that's a lot. Yeah, and then um, hi talking about something else, Okay, thank you. I brought her oatmeal in her room and I was like, here, just have some oatmeal. So she painting her nails and

brought her oatmeal back out. She's so funny. Yeah, So I have her seven and then um, she like has a FaceTime with her dad every now and then or whenever he wants to visit. Mm hmm kind of whenever it's up to him. How has that been on you? Just having because I mean I'll say, um, I mean I have seventy thirty. So I've got seventy and it's um, I remember the first year having it. It's just a lot, right, you're not used to having. And then I don't have

a nanny. I don't have, um, my family doesn't live here, so it's it's a it's it's a lot. Yeah, that would be a lot, and I can't imagine, you know. But I also like, you mean, you look like an amazing mom obviously, and um so, but how do you like handle when you just like a Fortunately I have my family, Like my brother lives one min it down the street, and um, they have a six year old, of five year old and a four year old, so

she she's like so close to them. And then my other sister lives in Laguna, so like twenty minutes from here, and she has three kids. And then my other sister has twins, so we're all so close. So if anything. Sometimes I just I was like, I I need I just need, like like two hours, three hours ago, my nails done. I just need to like have a moment. So I'll go and drop her off with one of them and just take time. But now it's like getting into this dating world and trying to navigate that is

so unbelievably hard. And I tried to look up a book about it and there's nothing. I'm like, I need tips, Like I have no idea how to do that are you sorry? Are you dating anyone right now? Yeah? And have you been public about them? No? No, okay. I was like wait a minute. I was like, I know we follow each other, and I'm like, I'm all, I haven't. But I'm like, okay, how how many months? Um, it's been a few months. But it's just like, um, we've

been hanging out. It's just trying to figure out, like I'll go to l A or I'll rush somewhere for like you know, I'm going to l A. Sometimes it's two hours in traffic, hang out for a couple of hours, and then I have to rush back. But the whole time I'm being texted or like when are you coming back? Kira wants to you, and it's like I just got here, give me like an hour and a half. I'll be there, I promise. How has he met your daughter? No? No, no, no? Yeah?

Yeah yeah. How do you give you some advice? I know you've dated someone girlfriend well, but that I have. I have so much regret introducing my kids to him that fast. I mean, it wasn't fast fast, but it was like, you know, a little over a month and a half, and or was maybe like it was bad. I should not have done that. I think I just got so wrapped up in love the first time, you know, feeling. But I mean I saw all the signs in the beginning, and I should have been like I should have seen that.

I was just I was. I was so blinded by certain things just because I wanted it so bad. Yeah, and but now it's like, oh, I will never I will never fall into that mistake again, or yeah, I think what do you think? Right? It's like if your kids get attached to someone and then it ends, it's like, how is that going to affect them in their future? And like who they end, like their love and like

how they deal with things you don't know. Luckily, Yeah, luckily, I've become friends with that person's ex wife and so we still let the kids hang out together. So that's been great because they never really they never asked about him. They only asked about the daughter. So and then we became we had a lot in common, So you got a friendship, all right. I know. It's like how cool that.

I just can understand stand though as a mom, like you want to see how it's going to work together with the kids, because I mean, I was on that boat of like don't ever. But then I'm like, how do you know if it's even good? Like what if you what if the kids hate each other? Right? And what if like you know, because it's like you have to see like how they are around the kids. So it's like if they're not good around the kids, and it's like, well that shoot, I just I've been dating

you for six months. Now I really like you, but now you kind of now I just waited six months because really it's I think for me, it's going to be in a it'll have to be in a group setting, you know. So how are you with um seeing all the news articles that have been picking up from your book? I mean, first of all, congrats on your book coming out.

Does that give you anxiety? Though? Yeah, I'm not reading any of it because I feel like there's so many headlines that will take one thing or like yeah I went on a couple of days with Chris fine, or I'm met Leo, Like it's not all they take those small things and like blow it up. So there and then little things about Lauren and like if you actually read it, it's really not that like but it's great.

I mean, I guess the headlines makes for a good cliffhanger of people wanting to read the book information, But I just honestly, I don't. I don't read any of it. I just I did it, and then I just like that's that. I just bubble. So I'm obviously I've I've

been following your journey. I feel connected to you on the levels of what you've been through in relationships and when you were writing this book, was there a piece of you that well, actually, I want to back up even further when you talk about abuse, was it Did he ever acknowledge the abuse and actually say like, yes,

I abused you. No, it was always my fault for something like I didn't give him enough attention, or I didn't answer all of his calls, or it was always something I did where it's like you start questioning yourself, like well, maybe I do deserve this, or maybe I'm not good enough for I'm not working hard enough to make this a better relationship. Like you start taking it on, like blaming yourself, and and then you start believing it and you're constantly trying to change yourself to make someone

else happy. So yeah, and I also think too, I remember talking to my therapist at one point and I'm like, well, he just pushed me, and she's like what, Like, that's that's abuse. But I'm like, but it wasn't, like he didn't hit and it's like it's they make you feel like that. Okay, well you were the one or you know, so it's a very that you deserved it because you made me mad kind of thing. Yeah, did you ever

watch Made No, it's a good show that was. You need to watch that because it really touched on more emotional and verbal abuse. But it was it shined a light to say, this is still abuse. Whether you get fist, hand fist, clothes punched to your face or a push or you know that or the intent or he's blacked like that is still abuse. And I think so many I know I have to I'm like, well, he didn't choke me this time. He just pushed me, like you know.

And then and then well it was kind of my fault because I was screaming or you know, and they just make you feel like it's your fault. So thank you for sharing that, And now how do you deal with that moving forward into a healthy relationship. Well, I've done so much shealing. I mean I haven't really been with anyone, like in a serious relationship at all. So it's been almost like five years. Oh my gosh, yeah almost five years. Um, and so I haven't the last guy.

I kind of like I went on a date with a few dates, and like for me, it's you know, whenever you're a mom, like you don't consistently date someone or see someone every day or I've the other day, it's like once a week or once every two weeks. And that's kind of how I was three years ago. So the guy was dating then, Um, I just started. I started seeing signs of of just like control and wanting to push and move too fast, and that for me, I was like, nope, I'm done, this is over, like

not doing this again. So I think now I noticed so many signs from going to therapy and just working on myself and learning to love myself and SETI and not people please are giving because you feel like you're gonna hurt someone's feelings. Um, and I just get out of there. But now it's like now I run too fast, you know. I I hear you so much Like if I feel like if I was healed and took more time, I would have seen the signs gotten out and not

you know, just still believe certain things about myself. But it's interesting now. And you make that point is because I was almost gonna say to you too, um after this when we do our catchup, is like I'm almost afraid I'm never going to let someone in again because I'm just so I'm so um guarded guarded, it's not even guarded. I hold so much space and sacred space for like my house and my surroundings, and I like,

I like being alone, like I had got on this date. Um. It was our second date, and honestly, in my gut, I'm like, I don't I don't want him here right now, like I I. But I'm like I've never told someone to leave ever, and so I think he was like kind of sense in my vibe and he was like,

do you want me to leave? And I'm like, okay, Old Janna would be like no, that's fine, like because I feel bad or you know, or I'll just go sleep or I don't know whatever I'm like, but I was like no, like this is my opportunity to do it different. And I was like, yeah, I do, like I want to be alone and I just remember being like so feeling so empowered and it felt so healthy

and good. He didn't like that, but that's not mine to take gone, right, So that's what I started to realize to him, like I can speak my truth and then not take on what their feelings are. Like I know, I was still nice. I was just like, yeah, I mean for you to just want to be alone, realize that and to put your foot down, like that's so good for you to do it, because then it gives you that confidence and that security that you can do

that and it's okay. Well, and here's the thing that I'll say to what you said though, is like you will it just you will let someone in. I know I will in time to but it's not. And another thing too, that we we have our kids, right, I'm sure I don't know if you do want another kid. I do like a couple more, but if not, I'm

good with one. Right. And so it's like you don't have to you know now that you don't have to settle for someone like you get to like you get to have that checklist and go okay, like I don't have to settle for for anybody I know. And I think the guy has he's making the list like, how did you meet him? Was it on Riya? No, I've never been on any dating sites. Um, but i really like him and he's really nice and I've been taking

things super slowful of that and so patient, which is great. Um, it's just like this figuring out how to navigate, how to hang out without like rushing away, like leaving all the time, and like Okay, you gotta go by, and like having time to hang out before she wants you back and I'm together to you know, getting to know each other and hanging out. It's so hard. So I don't know if you could go back to the Hills era,

what would you change personally the Hills era? UM, I feel like I would say no and stick to my nose, even with the producers being pressured into situations or being with someone that I didn't want to be with our fight over, I would say no, my nose know, and I'm not doing instead of being like, well, okay, it's going to be good for the ratings, I'll just do it, and then it gives my gives everybody in the world this picture of me that I'm not or that's not

really really happened, and at the time, I didn't get to clear that up because you're under contract. So once the show ended, we were all just like, oh, we could speak our truth, like that's what really happened. Um, but yeah, it's just like saying no and not falling into peer pressure or not people pleasing and just owning who I was and not like being confused or like being pulled in different directions. And just like after it ended, I felt so lost. I didn't know who I was

or what I wanted. And it's just like I'm sitting there like, well, now what I've done this for so long, and now I don't know what to do, Like no one's calling me and telling me where to be or what I have to do right now. It's so crazy. So I had to find myself again. Sure, yeah, sometimes it's really good to say now and stick with it and stick with it. I know that's always my problem. I'm like, no, well, I know, I mean that would be hard on the show just see if I could

make work. So that's why I just don't think I could ever do like because I'm just so I I read all the stuff and like it's just like I'm like but that's not who like, that's not what I meant, or that's not like even when they pick certain things up, it's like, but you know, so we have to have real thick skin for that. Yeah. Yeah, I always don't

read it, but I don't know how. Also, just creating habits and working that no muscle over and over and over to the point where you're so comfortable saying no, I'm good, that's it. No, it's no. Yeah, And well I think now I've gotten to that place because and now I'm very confident in what I say and sticking to it, which is which is nice. Back then absolutely not. But were you, um, were you afraid to write about the abuse in the book at all? With I'm relating

to your daughter too? But yeah, I mean I didn't even really want to include that in there. But if you google, it's out there. It's already out there. So the book writer I was working with, who was amazing. She's like, Audrina, this is out there. Is in the police report, it's in the declaration, it's in all the court documents. It's not something you could just pretend didn't happen. Um, And I you know, that was such a pivotal moment in my life that helped me with what I needed,

and like just that was it for me. That was the last straw. So as much as I didn't want to include any of that and just pretend it didn't happen, it did happen and it did affect me on so many levels. And you know, there's pros and cons to it, and for me, it like helped me. That was it, Like, you can't there's got to be you can't just keep putting up with abuse like that, whether it's emotional, verbal, physical. You have to not isolate and get your friends. You

need help, you need someone to pull you out. And so times for me, I didn't want to call the police because I knew it would go public. So I kept trying to hide everything for so long and it just got to a point where it's like enough is enough.

I can't do this anymore. What was your enough? Like do you remember the moment where you're just like, okay, enough, Well, there's a lot of moments, but it's just like being woken up in the middle of the night, being cussed at, calling being called names, and it's like I've been sleeping, Like what are you talk like you're the one out partying till four in the morning with who knows you know,

doing whatever. Um, it's just the constant accusations and telling me that no one will ever love me and I'll never be good enough for anyone that I am, you know, just all the name calling, in the belittling, it just you start to believe it. And I just started to cave in and isolate, and I was losing so much weight and I just wasn't myself. My strength was gone, but I had strength for my daughter and she was still a baby. And for me, it's like I don't

ever want her right now. She doesn't realize what's going on, but I don't ever want her to have to experience that or see someone treat me like that and think it's okay. So that gave me strength and being like enough is enough. My daughter will never see this. She's going to be strong, she'll never let anyone treat her like this. And for me, that's what helped me be get out of it. And just I did give a

hundred and twenty percent. I went to therapy, I did everything I possibly could to make sure I did everything so I could walk away knowing like I gave, I gave it all I had, and so this is it. I'm never turning back. I love. Yeah, good for you. Yeah, kids have a way of really help, you know, helping you find that strength. I feel like, I mean, you have to do it for your kids. You do. And I remember the first time, you know, I was crying

and I went in Kira's room. I went in her room and I shut the door, and he kept following me, and I was just broke. I finally just broke down, but I couldn't like run from her. You know. She started consoling me, like patting me, and like, I'm so glad that you shared that. I know that that has to feel somewhat empowering to and also you're going to

help so many people. Yeah. I was at actually at a book signing UM and Jersey the other day and this lady came up and she was just started crying and I had to give up, get up and give

her a hug. She's like, you know my daughter, and I She's like I was, I went through domestic abuse, and she's like it was physical, it was like it was worse than what you went through, but like it was just that feeling and just reading your book and knowing that I have felt that before, She's like it gave me the chills, and like she just started crying and then I almost started crying. So there's so many people out there that that need to hear it and

need to talk about it. You can't hide it, don't be ashamed of it. Don't feel humiliated. Like everybody has gone through something and it is embarrassing if you're going through it and you want to hide it. But there's so many people out there that are going they're going through the same thing that need help. And you know it's not the end. There's light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to be strong and there's For me, it was going to church and God and

therapy in my family. That's what helped pull me out of it. Would you say that's kind of the message your overall message of the book. Yeah, And I talked about that too, Like I go to saddle Back with Rick Warren and I just his message. Like I literally would go by myself all the time. I just I went to Bible studies, small groups, everything, and I would just I always would just cry and I just just just overwhelming feeling and then the goose bumps knowing that

you're not alone and God's with you. It was just very healing. And the people that were there that helped me through it like understood what I was going through, so there's no judgment. Mm hmm, that's great. It was healing. I mean, I I love you and I'm just I'm I'm rooting for you, and um, I cannot wait to read your book. I feel like I know you and

we've never out. I know, That's why I'm like, but I'm just like, I'm always like, I know, we're Instagram and I've never met our first time, we have a we have a very similar past, and yeah, but that's why I'm like, I feel like we're friends. But I'm like, I know, I've been trying to plan a trip to Nashville because Jason and actually lived there and Heari's friends with Delilah, so we've been trying to get out there. So I'm gonna let you know when we are. Just

come stay at my place. Let's do it, just come stay hang out. Well, just like exactly, they'd be besties, all right, Well, we know you're a busy lady, so um, they thank you for like this is like no, um, you are amazing, and yeah, we'll come come come see me in Nashville and we'll hang out. I will. I'll write you. We'll figure something out because we got to hang out. I love it. I'm proud of you and I'm excited for you. And have give yourself like a good like to night over night or in l A

with the new dude. Okay, just like just tell you, just be like, hey, s see, you might just have to hire someone. You might just have to get somebody that can you get you can do it. You did because I know, actually I do. I need to. Well, I have someone that helps to. It's just I've just gotta do it. You just gotta do it. It's the only way you're gonna be able to do. Yeah, you're on a heart journey, so it and I mean, girl's gotta get late. Everyone smile alright, and there's for you.

All right, girlfriend, have a great day. Okay bye. Oh. I love her. She's so pretty. She's beautiful. I know she's so pretty. And also I feel like it's hard. I'm like laughing. I'm like I got fifty fifty and when I had the kids. I'm like overwhelmed, and she's like seven, can only leave the kid for two hours. I'm like, holy crap, you go. Yeah, it's impressive, She's she's awesome. I'm just, um, yeah, there's so many more

things I wanted to ask her. At the same time, it's like they're they're doing so much tea about the Hills and the seven and like this like that to me, I like, I don't It's not that I don't care about it. I care about who, like who she is today, right, well, and she's doing yeah, I mean it sounds like some of that just wasn't real anyway. So it's like her celebrate who she is and what she's doing. Now I agree with that. Yeah, we're we're best friends. I love it.

I know, I was like, right, I like your friends. Well, we like are ish. I think I can't remember who started who followed who first, but we just yeah, we just became friends and then you know, yeah, she's adorable. Um, well that was a great show. Anything going on with you, Catherine, not really? You know, I got a just kids summer school starting. H I cannot wait for the kids to go back to school. I cannot believe the kids go to school on Friday. I am so excited. I didn't

think it was like summer, which it did. It went by really really fast. Yeah, but I'm fine with it being yeah. And everybody's like, I can't believe whatever, and I'm like me, neither of it. It's kind of great. I know, I was walking Leo to go, like I love kids. It's like, you don't have to say that, we know you love. I'm trying to be healed, Jana, I'm working on it or is. Yeah. One of the neighbors saying the same thing. She's like, I can't believe

summer's over. I'm like, yeah, but like I'm I'm ready, and I think the kids are ready to yeah for sure. And also with how um I was taking the week on and then really but then I'm still being here even on the week off, so it's like I feel like I haven't had a break minus that one week, and I'm just like I'm spent. Yeah, that's a lot. I mean it's a lot um but yeah, okay, well that's good. You know, nothing groundbreaking and therapy that you've learned, not really, I mean I've only you know, I go

once a month now because you graduated. I graduated, you know. I think I'm where I'm at now is and kind of what we talked about is the healing process and working on myself but trying to figure out what that looks like and just trying to figure that part of it out, which is exciting but also kind of overwhelming. What part overwhelms you? I just don't really know where to start, what to do? You know, I'm like any like Amy, what do I do? You know? With emotions

or physical or just all of it? Like where do I start? I mean, I definitely the emotions are coming in, which one's like I don't know all of them, you know, because you know me, it's like I take a little while for my emotions to hit with death, with any kind of thing, Like I'm not the one that's going

to be necessarily crying at the funeral home. A month or two later it'll hit me kind of thing, you know, So it's it's hit me later, but just in and just to like just getting the emotions out, which I think is part of the healing I'm I'm learning, you know, as part of just letting myself feel those emotions. Um, but I mean just more like what am I going to do? Like, what are my intentions? Like? What am I going to do for myself? What I'm you know,

I'm just kind of figuring out that. Next up, Well, you texted the group pickleball. I did, so we might start playing pickleball. Yes, I need a hobby, Amy told me. She literally goes, you know what you need to do. You need to just go to Barnes and Noble and just like search the book aisle. And I'm like, I really don't like the self help book thing, and she's overwhelming. She's like no, she was like, just look at the books and like, hey, you see a book on gardening

and that seems interesting. Pick it up. I'm like, not, you're not a gardener. Know your audience, your audience, whatever sparks your interest. Yeah that. I was like, okay, I'll go do that. So that's funny. Pickleball, is it right now? Pickleball? Yeah? No, I would love to play pickleball. All right, Well that's good, and then you'll let me know when you're ready for the other stuff. But in time, okay. When you just talk about that really fast, because it was it was

on my stories. Oh, I mean it was it was already on my stories. Let me just yeah whatever whatever, that's yes, okay. Um, so we were having a little wine night and so just like out of fun. It's not like she's ready to date. Okay, it's not. Katherine is not ready to date. It's too soon. But here's the thing, if you want to great, no, there's no timeline on things. Okay. Having said that, I was like, oh, that's sunny. Vote for dating app? So what was funny?

Some people didn't like that that I did that or here I'll tell I'll tell you all. So okay, So so what was funny is that? So we signed her up for this one. I won't say which one it is, please do not and I won't. And then I start

scrolling because I'm going to ax them for her. So I'm like, I'm on a mission to find, you know, just a little fun little you know, because it sometimes it's just fun to flirt, right, Let's just find you a fun little flirt to text, and which I understand is not very healing, and blah blah blah, like you know what I mean. Okay, she hasn't fun for a second? Rebbing wine rebbing fun? Well, like the third person was again, I have the phone in my hand, and the third

face I see is my ex husband. I have died, I screamed, and like through the phone. Um, I'm still slightly worried about what happened. Well, that's this is the funny thing. So we don't know if she hearted or exed nothing. She did not even have the phone. Katherine's like this, she um, but I threw the phone and then when we went to pick up the phone, he was gone. So I don't know. You might have asked, like when I threw it, like you might have accidentally

hearted if he saw that. I can't even imagine what would go through his mind because it literally pops up that you hearted. Yeah, I would die. I would. I can't even think about it. I can't even think about it. It's just funny. It's hilarious. Though. Half the people were like, this is a funny. You can laugh about it, and I'm like, yeah, like I know that he's dating and it's great. I'm so happy for him, Like you do

you boo, like go date. It was just funny seeing it like for my best friends, like on her like dating app was and just yeah, people thought it was your ex husband. Some people thought it was your ex husband, like, why are you getting upset because she's on in her I was like no, no no, no, Like the funny part is that was my ex and like what else were they because it's not healing to be on a dating app. Yeah, like I'm a bad friend or and then also you

know who cares that Mike's on there? I was like, guys, it was just yeah, definitely missed the point. I'm just it's just just funny, like you know, wine drunken night with our girlfriends and we see my ex husband. It's just funny. And I'm like, yeah, I mean, I'm sure everybody knows we don't like each other. So you guys right into the theater and you guys like, we just don't like each other, and can you tell that story

each other? It was so funny because your son was like, oh, both of them, long story short at a movie theater. I've ran into this man maybe three times, and one time I have we even remotely even spoken. Well, the funny part is is like you think that because you're the person that ultimately like served you didn't serve him, but like you yeah, yeah, it was just it was just not pretty at the end for us for sure, And I understand respect, but like, I get it, it's awkward.

I don't really love awkward. So I've avoided him at all costs, even to where Jane doesn't even tell me when he's showing up. One time he walks in the house and I'm like just standing there. So anyway, fast forward movie theater. I see Jolie, then I see Jason. I'll go, no, the next one it's going to be him. So anyway, I do the little wave. It's fine. In my head, he didn't wave back. Maybe he did. I

don't know. Our heads a key, that's my story. But then I'm like maybe he did, you know, probably fine, and I'm like I'm like, okay, let's go, let's go. And so I'm like Russian and I'm real fast, like dude, what's it, what's the deal? And I'm like, Mike stand there like so, and I was like, don't y'all know we don't like each other, like you know, so we anway,

So I'm like we're fine, We're fine. And then we get in the line to get popcorn and stuff, and of course, you know, he goes up to the thing first, and then the register right next She's like next and I'm like no, the next then I'm like there's no more. So I was like okay. So I like walk up and I'm talking to Joli and Jason. Then somehow something is said where we literally like lock eyes and we're both like you can just see it in our faces, were like and so, and he was cordial. He's like, hey,

what maybe are you saying or whatever? And I was like, your mom's I've literally felt like a child that needed to like, you know, so I just got it and then I just we just stopped speaking, didn't look at each other anymore, and we just walked away. And then kids say yeah, they're like dude, and he was like that was awkward. Yeah, yeah, I was in mer kat and I was like, yeah, we're seeing each other since. I mean, it was good to get it out of the way. It's so good. It's out of the way,

and it's it's fine, it's fine, everything's fine. It's fine, everything's fine. I will say though, we we have been very cordial. Good. Yeah, so that's good. That's the best, the best for the kids, y'all don't have to be right. We have to be. I mean, I think through time we will get more cordial. Yeah, if we're around each other, if our kids were doing sports or something. Is the only time I think that that really would fall into

play because people are taking you know, or whatever. But I just hear us again, you don't but you don't have to, like, no, don't. Honestly, we probably don't ever really speak to each other because like, you don't have to be Like, if you don't want someone in life, you don't you have a choice to not speak to that person. You have a choice, you don't. You don't have to be mean. But that's when I remember last August, which when um, you know, Julie started school. He's like,

why are you being so cold? And I'm like, I'm not being anything, and I don't like, I'm just I'm choosing not to speak to you in this moment. Well, and that takes time to realize, Like you can do that with anybody. You can choose not to speak yea um. But yeah, So anyways, that was fun seeing him on the dating app. That was just for fun. Janice signing she's not on there anymore. She got off. It's fine.

Speaking of which, like I have started thinking about I don't know because like on dating apps, it's like, well the one that I'm on or was or whatever, um it's like lisbon is real Paris. Literally it doesn't do because I'm like, okay, that's no, no no. If I'm like that's stupid, I'm not even gonna like do this anymore because it's just And then I feel like, can

I could I get on? Like I don't think I could get on like a hinge or a bumble Like no, I don't think he Probably mine just has to be like through well and I don't know that I could do it for real a dating atmost. I just don't know. And like how do you meet people? I don't know. We're going to have to, like I'm not going to We're gonna have to, Jane, I'm I'm I'm I'm good right now, you know what. That's the thing. That's what

you know what we're good. I'm very good. And if it's something is meant to be, it's meant to be and it'll happen. Now that might not happen if I'm just sitting in my room. So I do have to get out a little bit, Like you're not gonna when I'm ready. But yeah, Jesus isn't gonna be like bam Man in the room. I think that's probably Jesus as big as pet Peeve. If it's going to happen, it'll happen. Like you got to do something, you have to actually get out and do it, which you know. But no,

I'm not there yet. I am in a very good spot where I am not playing games, which, by the way, from last week's episode, um, I realize, I think you know it. I'm just gonna be myself and not do the woman avoid or whatever. And then I had reached out and it was very well received, and so end of the day, I'm like, look, someone's gonna like you. You don't need to play games. They want you. They're

gonna want you. So I get it. The whole sperm chases the egg that we talked about this like, I get like the whole like two available not but I'm like, I just I'm not going to be the one. I cannot play games. So if this person is going to like me, and it's like a very it's like a turtle snail movement at the moment, and that's amazing, and that's great, and I'm like here for that because I'd like to see if it could be something. And also like I'm if I'm thinking of this person, I'm going

to text him and say I'm thinking of you. Yeah, I don't like those games, which I think at the like the do I text? So I not text? What do I say or not? Even like I just think we know who we are, we are older now, like take it or leave it. I think that it does pertain more though to what's set up in the beginning and I expectations from the beginning as far as paying and stuff like that. I think that's that I agreed

with her on that mess that one up last time. Well, and that's hard for you, and I mean and that's just something that now that you'll think through if there's you know, next time or whatever. But yeah, no, like I was even thinking that with like the few like silly guys that sent messages. I'm like, I don't want to stress about what I say. I'm not even gonna stress like it is what it is either like me for being stupid and responses or don't you know it's so.

But it's funny how we like overthink and like, well, if I say this, then they think that's say well that's why. Now I'm just like screw it. I'm gonna just Texas person and say hey, I'm thinking of you, hope you have a great day. And then it was like so well received and like see, you know, we just overthink everything. Just be you, I know. But then I'm like it and then I never think it because

I was talking to just dating is so interesting. One of my girlfriends, she was like, I had this really long, great like chat with this guy we were voice memoing that hadn't met yet, and then he's like, you know, i'll give you a call on Wednesday. Well it's been a week, and it's like just say something. Just be like hey, actually I'm not interested in anymore or like for the guy, and then for her, I was like just be like hey, like you know, I think he's interested,

then let it go. But also like dudes like please don't ghost girls. I feel good does not at this age, man like why just be like hey, I mean that's what I had to do. When I was doing Hawk Girl summer. One person that wanted to like be in something, I was just like, I'm just that's not the season. I'm in. I just want to have a little a little fun and do my thing and heal and be alone. Having said that, if it was that other one or like they're right and then I then I then I

would be like, okay, let yeah, let's day. Well of course, well that just honestly, isn't that why you date? You lead through the ones that you want to spend the more time with you don't. That's very true, you know, Yeah, but I think the biggest thing and then need be patient for the other ones if they need more well, and just being confident in yourself. Yeah, it's not about you. Oh no, I know any of it. Yeah. I mean, at the end of the day, even if they don't

like you, it's truly not about you. Don't want to be with someone that do and like you one thousand percent. And actually that's been easier this go around and be like all right, I've noticed that. Yeah, if he just doesn't get me. If someone does text and say, hey, I told you I was going to call you on Wednesday, but I'm not into it, it's like, okay, instead of taking that on yourself, but like I'm not good enough, he doesn't like I. Let that go, I let that

go in the river. Yeah, you really can totally tell. Yeah, see growing works, Growing rocks in the river's actually works. No, but I mean, yeah, you know you do, I'll take you. Well, we'll go through you, or you can go solo. But I might do that or herself as I love you. Um, but yeah, no, it's good. It's good. Like when you actually release those shame messages, you're like, I know, and especially this one person that I'm kind of like, you know,

have a little crush on. Um, I know, at the end of the day, if it doesn't work, it's not because it's something that I did. It's just the season in the space that that person might be in and I'm not going to take it on. And that feels so different. And then and again, it doesn't mean it might not be disappointing. Oh it'll be disappointing for sure.

And that's but that's not like you're in your old habits or you're not feeling like just don't let it still go to that place if I'm not good enough, Like being disappointed in something that you wanted if it doesn't happen is obviously normal too. Yeah, it'll just mean that it wasn't yeah the right time or right wasn't the right one, and that's okay, good times, good times, okay. Well, having said that, UM, I listened to last week's podcast. I don't usually listen, but I wanted to see the

whole here, the whole like sperm chases egg thing. And then I was like, all right, time to debrief. And then I was like, oh, left him hanging. I got a debrief now again because some things are just better left and said yeah, publicly for sure, but I love you guys, yep, talk to you next week.