Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.
Hi guys, Hi coming in hat, hat, Hat, coming in hat. I wondered if you wanted to pull any pins. Kramer, Oh, I just got like nauseous.
Did you? I don't know. Your husband, thanks told me to rub a coin on it, a silver coin.
I go, could we use sorry silver drops and shit? That feels more sanitary. So Catherine has a you know what it looks like? Remember the girls in high school or dudes that would or actually this happened when I was pregnant, but when you puke pop.
The Yeah, I think that's what it is. No, but I don't know, Like I read after Emmy's friends like discovered it on my eye and he was like, stop doing drugs, mom, you know, being dramatic, But I like, literally, yeah, I looked it up and it could be like a I did have, Like I had like a sneeze attack the other day, and that can happen. I don't know. Otherwise I got nothing. I had no idea. It wasn't even bothering me. But now it is a.
Little bit Welcome to the forty Sorry, did you put any little drops in?
I've done nothing, but I might go try the silver coin that your husband suggested. I mean, I would wash it for that's what she said. I was like, I'm not worried about it, being I could you just use the drops, like the silver drops.
I think that's what Maybe we just americanized this strategy.
You can send it to me, but I bet his works better, you know, stuff like that always works better.
I do think it will just distract you with whatever it gives you next with the dirty money, but that's fine.
I mean, okay, just send me the drops. We'll see how they.
Okay, go make sure you get a tetanus shot after earth. I was like that was.
You're like right away? Was like, or something clean? How are the.
Shots going a great? Yeah?
You feel good? Yeah, I mean I've had moments. I've definitely had some nauseous moments. And every day is a little bit different, more hungry some days not the other. But I'm down like ten pounds, oh my gosh, and like two and a half weeks, right, I mean, I'm sure a lot of it inflammation, you know, I'm sure like water weight and inflammation and stuff that went away. But yeah, so I'm sticking to this one. For now. As long as it's working, I won't even up the dosage, right, like,
as long as I'm losing weight. So and you feel good, Yeah, I feel great again. There have been some moments where I'm like, oh, I kind of feel nauseous, but nothing terrible.
Is there anything that you're surprised? You feel like any fun benefits.
It's just to actually feel so like full is actually a very weird. It's been a very weird feeling. I don't know that I've just always maybe stopped myself in time to feel that actual fullness. But like it's kind of bizarre in a way, you know, like it's like I have only eaten half of this now. It's definitely more full than you know, probably a lot of people. But I'm just like, how am I? Like this is just not like me to actually feel ful right now?
But no, it's I mean it's been good. Yeah, there is happy.
You know, there is like an actual that's a thing in people's bodies to not get full. Yeah, people that are missing I don't know if it's the chemical or the nerve or whatever it is that allows them to know that.
Yeah, it just really it just last thing was it just really gets you to a point where it's like, no, I'm good, I don't want to keep eating because this tastes good, you know, which there's times you're like, yeah, i'm full, I don't want to keep eating, but it tastes so good, I'm just going to keep eating that somehow goes away. I'm like, yeah, I had a piece of pizza last night and I was like that tastes really good and it was great. I'm good, I got it.
I'm done.
Yeah, and I'm done, you know, and so great.
Yeah, it's awesome.
Yeah. Anyway, So you guys.
I'm just avoiding.
I know you are. So we've got to I just feel.
Like last week, I well I just took over.
Yeah, but see, I've been waiting a whole week for you to take over again and tell me. Yeah, we had a.
Couple of pins.
We do okay, fine, all on pin both of them.
Maybe I bet we can talk her into it.
If it's a maybe. Usually Cat and I can get you in a day.
Yeah.
So one was there was an incident again at the baseball and so and I had to leave because Jolie had a game at the same time. So I and there were different fields. So I stayed for a few minutes of Jase's and then had to go and then and then went to Jolie's, and there was an incident with the same kid, and this time it was Mike who yelled. And what happened was is Jace got hit with the baseball bat inside the cage, which the boys
the boys. I'm I'm not gonna call just one out, but like, boys shouldn't be swinging the clubs around or the bats around. And he ended up having a fair little large bruise on his arm. And so because this has happened a few times my and Mike, he's like, hey, I just said, need to tell you what happened, and and uh, I go straight to the ready to fire off a text message and just be like, this is unacceptable and he shouldn't he should be you know, he got a bruise to his face a couple weeks ago,
that's because the ball hit him. That's fine for bruises to happen out in the field, it shouldn't be happening in the cage by his own teammates. And I obviously drafted a text message send it to both of you guys. You gave me your edits, and then I edited down because I'm like, I'm not going to be on the team anymore if you're like you know, because I just go I'm not going to.
Take our ball and go home, but we are. We're going to get a little self control in the dugout. So I ended up not sending it just at all. I kind of wanted. I'm starting to I'm trying to not be reactive, and what I've done for the last few years is my unsent text messages. I have a lot of unsent text messages in my phone, but they're helpful for me to just write them out. Sure, so I did this with that, and I just didn't know
if I wanted to say anything. It was also weird because she's a friend, like we hang out off the field, so I knew if I sent something like this, it's going to affect a friendship as well, and so.
I ended up not sending it. But she mentioned something to me at the game. She goes, hey, so did you hear what happened? And I was like, I did, and if I'm honest, I'm really I was really disappointed I didn't hear from you, because if that would have happened, like other people reached out to me, and I was surprised not to hear from you, and that's what I was like, I gotta be honest. It did upset me, and she was like, oh my god, I'm so sorry.
And so then we had like a good conversation with it, and she kind of said, she's like, I didn't see it, and I didn't know the extent of it, and so in that moment, it really made me realize that, you know, and I thought maybe she was upset because of Mike's reaction, because I mean, it was a loud scream, like Alan was there watching it because he stayed and so that I could go to Jolie's, and so, you know, I thought maybe she was un upset about the reactions. And
I think it's important. I'm glad I didn't send it because I made up that she witnessed the whole thing. And that's when it was a really good lesson for me because of my quick reaction to send something she didn't know the extent of it, you know. So I think I still could have sent it and she would have said like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, But I was holding on just making up a story that
actually wasn't true. And I think that was just such a good lesson for me, not to realize that we do that a lot, where we'll make up what we think happened and then and then make assumptions about other people because they didn't reach out or because they didn't do X, Y and Z, and then we get even more upset when really that's not, like none of those stories end up being true.
Oh, I'm the worst at that. I always make up stories in my head. It's so hard. I mean, I don't even know how to stop that a lot of the time. But that's awesome that you did and that you were able to then talk to her and find out what the truth is behind it.
And I'm glad I did say it bothered me because I'm like that no matter what, that was the truth, whether you know she did didn't text me or not, like, it was still something that I'm glad I was, I said, because I was holding onto it but then realizing everything I made up in my mind right was actually not true.
Right, And it's okay to be honest and say, yes, this did upset me. Yeah, Like that's what we should do as adults. I think that that's you know, I'm glad it worked out that way. I had a feeling you didn't send it, and I'm proud of you. I wouldn't have been able to do it, so you sent it probably. Yeah, you know me, I'm bad at that stuff really. Oh yeah, I'm reactionary, but that kind of kid kids, Oh kids, Yeah.
That's the kid thing. I don't know that I could especially, yeah, waited. I don't know that I could have waited, but I will say so. Amy and I have talked about this, the filling in the blanks therapist Amy, because she said creative people and especially interesting with your brain because you're like a producer movie person in your brain. You have a very production oriented mind, which is what I like
about you and my lighting today. But she says that creative people can get more creative when they're filling in the blanks, and so sometimes the creativity works against us. Yeah, I do this in marriage. Fill in the blanks. Oh uh huh gets really creative. So like if I don't give any example, well like not so much anymore, mostly because I don't even know what day or time it is. But for a while there it was really important for
me to hear from him pretty often. It's also connective, but there would be like these three hour four hour gaps, and you know, like we have a saine in our house, like days feel like hours to him and hours feel like days to me on my end, and so he I would be like it has been four hour, you know, like I make up a store. He must be having this lavish dinner or maybe he's you know, like whatever,
it gets really creative, and that's just not true. Like he'll call and be like, hey, I was in you know, seventeen interviews and then I went to go use the bathroom for the first time today, like you know whatever, gracious assumption and what you filled in the blank was
just dramatic. Or there's you know, a radio, like maybe there's somebody out there and he's in some in depth conversation and there's probably something, you know, like there's there a girl there I don't know, right, Or is X, Y and Z more important than me to be talking to me? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, Oh you couldn't. You didn't pee, You couldn't even just call me when you went to go, you know what I.
Mean, Like like that you couldn't have your phone in pee at the same time. Come on, guys, post post do your.
Especially if they're number two and then number one business? Yeah right, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah.
So it's almost like we have to like ask ourselves, where do you fill in the blank?
Yeah, and you can make a case for anything. That's I'm really a firm believer of that, specifically in my life lately, Like I can make a case one side or the other if I wanted to, you could find anything.
So you have to make your case in the best way. What do you do with your reactions? And have you gotten better or no?
I mean there's only certain people in certain things, you know. I mean I definitely if it was someone I didn't know, it would be harder for me to do it. If I feel comfortable with the person, or if I know them, I can jump too quick reactions and I regret it. I've gotten better with my words. I'm usually always I like to think kind but assertive, but there are times that I'm like, if I would have just waited and not said anything, it would have worked itself out. But
it's generally usually just kid related and having issues with kids. Yeah, but I just I don't. I think I'm so don't want to get walked on or don't want to feel like I'm being abused in some way that sometimes I just like over, I'm like, no, if I don't say anything, then they're just going to continue to do this if
I don't. If I don't do this, then something you know, And so I just I make up those things in my mind when they probably didn't even realize something was going on or didn't know or there wasn't bad intent. In my mind, A lot of times there's bad intent, whether there is or isn't.
Is that funny how we always go to the negative. Oh yeah with everything, Yeah, but also conditioned sometimes to feel that way. In our defense, I feel like if you put our three histories together, there's enough.
There is therapist and the couples.
There say there's enough data and less projection, So there's some there's a point where you start to be able to rely on what you know to be true about most because of things pan out. Yeah, that's me.
And I would say to kind of defend your initial reaction with the baseball thing, and I understand the other friends, there has been prior behavior sure to this, So it wasn't just this out of nowhere, someone you don't know, someone you haven't seen, kind of maybe not behave in the best. They're kids, not coming down on this kid. But so there was a reason why it was, like, man,
it happened again, and now it happened to my kid. Sure, So I will defend your initial reaction and you being upset to it a little bit too, because you've seen that behavior. Yeah, and now it's your kid. Yeah, but you didn't like it when it was someone else's kid either. We talked about it on here. Sure it bothered you when it was someone else's kid.
I also think you're being polite when you say it was a pretty substantial Bruce, like I would have been living.
Yeah, it was pretty big.
I'm really proud of you for being able to bad go.
Yeah it was.
Because in my mind, I'm like, it could have been a fracture. That's how bad it was.
I thought it was not real, especially for how quick bruised.
Yeah, So in my mind, I'm like, if I would have seen that, I would have been texting the person being like, I'm so sorry. Is it fractured? Can I like meet you up? You know, or like what can I help with or so?
And then also to her defense, obviously she didn't see it. She heard about it though, Yeah, So to me, I still and I'm just gonna be the one to say it, I still think she should have reached out hearing about it. Having said that, maybe she is the kind of person that just avoids. And that's what I'm also learning. I'm the personality I want to talk about it. Come to me, let's talk about it. Let's not avoid But maybe she's avoidant behave you know, right personality And she was just scared too.
Yeah, And in her defense, she was even like, oh my gosh, you know what I should have you know, it's like it was one of those things where it's life and busy and shouldn't even like think about it that way from not seeing so.
Yeah, all and all that went. Well, I'm glad that worked up, but I'm really more anxious about the other pets. So is this the thing that we talked about on the phone but you wouldn't tell me?
Yes?
Okay, So, oh, literally two days ago, we're talking about work. She's like, so, I've really got something I gotta tell you, but I can't tell you I'm like, you literally can't do that to me.
Do I know about this?
Does she know?
Do I not know?
She knows? Why am I the only one that doesn't know?
So I'm being I didn't want it. I know this is the series, but this is how this is how I must feel often when the two let me tell you.
So I'm like, I'm like, I'm not gonna lie.
I was like I paused.
Because I was like because she was like, I can't tell y'all. So here's and I did it well, So I made sure I didn't. Yesterday, the day that it
was happening, I said, I texted her. I was like, I'm struggling and I want to tell you, but I do want to save it for the podcast because I don't even know if I want to talk about it and so and she had texted back, and you said podcasts aside, like if this is something, yeah, I was like, if you need like a real friendship moment, this doesn't need to be for air, like I want to be there.
And I also know you don't love talking on the phone too, And I.
Know I feel bad. No I should have reacted that way.
Well, No, she doesn't usually text me that though, like if you're texting me that it is something that's pretty like it's not like detrimental, but like, just I can tell that it matters a lot because she won't say that to me after. That's why I was like, I want to just check in.
Yeah.
Yeah, And then even when we got on the phone, I was still just like, no, I don't think I want to talk about it.
But I was.
I actually think I might have called you and you didn't answer. Did I FaceTime you and you didn't answer? Was there face time? I was like, a FaceTime?
Do you That happens a lot. Yeah, Well, I don't like face times. I'm sorry, love the face and I don't look at my missed facetimes like if I haven't missed when, I don't like go and look at him. So I'm so sorry. Having said that, I'm really anxious to find out. So what's going on?
So I I met Mike's girlfriend?
Oh wait, is this a new one? I love the cricket? Is this a new one?
This is a new one?
Yes, okay, I know any one. Well, I guess that's the part of.
So.
Yeah, So I when we had the talk in the office, So I knew he had a girlfriend, and and what I basically said was, you know, before she meets the kids, I'd like to because obviously I know this one's a serious one, so I'd like to I'd like to meet her before.
The kids do. Uh.
And just as I did respect for Mike and Allen, so uh. And I was leading up to it, so she had come into town because she doesn't live here yet, and I we were, you know, going to meet and I was so nervous, which I didn't know how to like work through my feelings of it because it's such a weird thing, like I am and this is like the wildest part of it all is like I am married with a new baby, and yet it's still hard.
And I was trying to like understand what piece of it is hard because it's just like not a natural thing to be going to go meet someone that is about to be around my kids a lot, and I haven't had experience with.
That sure at all. Right, were you going, let me just set the stage. Were you going to meet just her?
So that was what was important to me, was for it to just be her and I yeah, okay, And so yeah, so that that happened and you know, just out of respect and privacy, I'm not gonna kind of I'm not going to explain all of it, but it did strike a because at the end of the day, you know, it doesn't matter if because it doesn't it doesn't really matter truly what I think, as long as she is good around the kids, and.
That's that's that's the most important thing.
I just wanted to kind of get to know her and be comfortable and knowing that she's, you know, going to be around the kids and stuff. So the end of the day, you know, I look forward to having more conversations with her in time. But it did make me think of so aside from that, so that conversation is now, you know, that's I don't want to go. I don't want to dive more into that because you know, I want to keep that thing private. Sure, but it made me think of a really interesting post chat idea.
Would you want a Kristen or a Catherine around your kids? Oh so if you are divorced.
I feel like this is going to be this is why three way friendships don't work, because.
I think it's so interesting because it's like for me, I and this is like, oh, the most wild thing ever. But you know, we can't pick our dream person for other partner, right right, so like we have to accept who they bring into our kids. But it just kind of made me think because I'm like, man, what a what a dream world to be able to like I wish there was a show where you could like hand select you know, the person for your for for your ex husband.
Trying with the kids.
But I just was like, man, this is a good a good question for the key question for It's like, you know, because there's all types of different people, you know, and it's like, so would you want a Christian or would you want a cat? Because like you know, you're I think you were like, how do I say this?
Like I would want to Kristen, I'll just say that you would want I would want you absolutely, But I can't think I would want to.
But I think I would want to Catherine.
Okay, I appreciate that, but we couldn't have two of me. So I pick a Christian. So I picked me because of default?
Why would you pick Kristin?
Now? I would?
I mean I think I feel sweaty. I don't know why for asking me and you this question is very different than asking someone completely like for me, like you're always going to want something that you're not.
I feel like a little bit you know, that's interesting. I think that might be the question for her. I think this is why it's coming up for her because she doesn't know if she wants someone that's like her or not like her? Is that true? I'm talking about her like she's not right right?
Maybe I feel like for me, I would like them to have like a more Yes. I think me and you have enough in common that it would be great because we still have our foundation, we still have like
our belief system, we still have all that. But you might react differently to things, and those are the things that could help you know them having a different like viewpoint of that as kids, like not just seeing me as a mom and how I react to different things, but how you react to different things, Like I think that could be cool.
I would marry you, Kat, you're just a cat. I won't want to well, because I just always wonder it's like if do you want someone that I mean is And this isn't like trying to personalities here, but like you know, you're more touchy and like huggy, and it's like I don't know if I you know, if I'm threatened by that, you know what I mean? So true, it's like what I feel threatened if the if the
other person was. And again this all goes back to I just want the kids to feel loved, right, But I'm also speaking from it is going to be hard to have another woman around my kids because I'm not used to that. So and that's something where I didn't I stayed so long. Like now I'm at a place and you know, Kat, you've been on this journey with me longer. But why I want I told you one
of the main reasons when it happened. And she's like, you're gonna leave right, And I'm like, my daughter is four months old, like no, like, and I was like she is because I'm like, if he was to be with someone then there she might call them mom, and she like it is like this is my daughter, my child. But now it's like they're going.
To get the emotion, what those emotions and that like I'm mom. If anything, this person is going to be just an added awesome bonus of love and fun and whatever. But I do think there's different personality types that I'm just kind of it started to make me think like, huh, like what would I what would I have wanted or what what?
Or what?
You know, what what would be good or what would make me feel? I don't know, it's just something interesting. You a question, Cramer, go for it.
What is something she would do that would make you maybe feel insecure? Oh? Nothing, nothing? Okay, if I'm being totally honest, Yeah, yeah, Like I know now I think I might be insecure if someone was way over the top fun.
Yeah, because I think it would be fun insecure for sure.
Like I would when you said a fun whatever, I was like, oh, oh well, they better not be having too much on because.
Because I know now I'm secure enough in my Like I know I'm secure enough in the mom like I mom that, Like I would make forward to him having someone around the kids because I there's a piece of me that's like, great, she's going to help cook awesome meals for them, and great she's going to have help them you know, maybe not be on the video games
all the time. Like I make up that like having a woman presence around the kids more at Mike's house will help with getting them out more and being more active, you know. So I like I I welcome and that's why I told her. I was like, I welcome having you know, a female presence around my kids there, you know. Uh, and we are so different that I think it works where they're going to get things from, you know. Like again, I'm always mom, so it's sure sure, like well, nobody
can do. I hope she has fun. I hope she's fun with you know what I mean, Like, I hope for that that would be great.
But I don't think.
I mean, I'm I'm older obviously, and you know, so I'm very secure and are you older than her? Oh yeah, but like and I'm like not insecure about that, like I I love being my age and yeah, yeah, the steadiness of my age. I think I even sometimes get
this feeling. I don't know if it's maybe it is insecurity, but I get it in my own marriage because my husband's the fun one, right because I'm there all the time and I'm legend will say Mama is the say your prayers and your thank yous and whatever, and so I'm like sometimes I do get that feeling, like but I'm fun too, Like someone has to be the structure, you know, well, and I think that's the piece where like, yeah, because the end of the day, right, if I'm not
on something or filming, it's only seven to eight days there.
So it's like let them.
Let them, let that be the house where they have you know, the fun too, because it's like there is fun here.
But yeah, they're going to get more of the or the harder you know, responsibilities and day to day here.
Yeah, what would make me so insecure? I already know would be.
Yeah, because I mean think about like you and Nick were heading towards divorce, so like what would what kind of woman?
Well, yeah, what would make me so insecure? Because this already makes me insecure with some of my kids friends parents giving like them giving advice because we talk about everything, right, we talk about all the things, you know, I give them the advice that they ask it. But if they were to listen to that other mother stepmother for advice, and I didn't agree with it, but they went with that advice, that would kill me, That would just destroy me. But I said, but why don't you listen to me?
Like what you know? That would tap into some kind of insecurity that I would not Like.
Yeah, I definitely have these little pieces of me like even as you're talking and thinking about things that like are like triggering if you will, where I'm just like.
Well, I would love to do that if I didn't have to.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was so easy for her to say it could be it could be great, could be bad. I don't know. I know I.
Don't speak too highly often of Michael, but I actually feel I do feel excited for him to have this in his life. Yeah, because I think he'll I think it'll be good for him and for your kids. But yeah, I think it's going to be good.
Yeah. And I think at the end of the day, you know again, I know, having the kids here and primarily having them and I just any addition, I mean, just like look what Alan's done. I mean, granted he's with them more than their dad, but Alan has brought so much, like he's the way that he is helping raise Jase to be such a manner's kid. I mean, you know, he's teaching him to hold the doors open.
I mean there's there's aspects that you know that so many beautiful things that Alan has helped helping ingrain in the kids. And you know they'll and I look forward to, you know, having again the woman presence over there, you know, if they continued on and as long as the kids are happy, that's literally it. I can get along with anyone. And I want that relationship to be great, you know.
Uh so I do look forward to to, you know, to having more conversations and stuff like that for the sake of everybody.
So, were you like struggling with it, nervous about it just before meeting her or after?
It was definitely before, just because again and thats like, why am I upset? You know, I'm like, I'm married with a child, Like I shouldn't be upset about this. I think it's just it's still it's my kids, you know, And it's yeah, and what if I don't like her and what if you know, just all the things it's like to have another woman around. And again, I feel it sounds so hypocritical of me to say that because I'm married with.
Another but you hadn't gone through it yet.
Yeah, but it is to have another woman around your kids is is a very hard pill to swallow, Like she will have memories with my kids at the beach that I don't to have and that I was stolen and that it's that's that's there's a sting of that.
Again.
I don't want to be on that want the beach shrip with him, of course, but it's memories that like I I have no like I'm not getting and then she's going to get some. But again I have to Then I keep going back to my kids and what is best for the kids. What's best for the kids is to have a female presence at Mike's house that will keep a clean house, that will feed them helpful like nice, good foods, you know, So I welcome that.
Yeah, it don't be too hard on yourself, like attaching a judgment to a feeling either, because it's I think it's all very fair and normal.
Yeah yeah, And so did you felt better after you met with her? Did you seem very like good? Right now? So as I'm trying to figure out where the shifts.
I have, there's I have.
Working throughout Again, I am doing my part to make it be a good relationship. And it's sweet. Mike sees it too. He text me is like, thank you for the effort you're putting in, and I just I hope that is reciprocated. So yeah, well good, yeah, So again, well you know we'll see about that. And but yeah, that so that that that band aid's been pulled off because it's been it's been a couple of years now that I mean, I've I've kind of met a girlfriend
through FaceTime, but nothing like this. So but it's just it's hard, you know. And and but now I'm I'm good because I I just want what's best for the kids. Yeah, and I have to think of what the positives are with that.
Sure, well good, I'm proud of you.
I'd love any advice though from anybody out there. Ladies, let's whine about it. Who's got one.
Kind of thought? Your pins were going to be the wine about it?
No, I have no wine with meeting girlfriends and bruised arms. No, it's all less it's all lesson and growth. So that I actually have one. Oh, there we go, and she goes, I am going to go thirty thousand feet as not to throw anyone under the bus. Oh don't we love those? But people that don't sustain a real relationship but love to hijack social media.
People that don't sustain a real relationship but love to hijack social media. So are we talking about a.
I won't get specific. I realize that, but are we talking about a like a married couple that actually isn't in love but yet? So what are we talking about like a friend of yours? Come down to fifteen thousand? Yeah, I fifteen Friday thousand. I don't understand.
Well, you can make up all these things in our brain.
I am not filling in so many things. Okay, So I think what's tricky is like we'll say friends, Okay, we had in a two week number one?
Yes, huge, gosh amazing. I don't know in two weeks congrats.
Yeah. So I just sorry, I've kind of been heading so secret.
This is about you just kidding.
No, no, no, we have all Like that's the thing, Like I just don't take offense to anything because like life is so crazy and wild for all of us that I'm like, it's great. In our family. We haven't even celebrated that. I don't get to see my husband. So maybe that's why I didn't know. It was because I didn't see it on your socials. And for me, it's like I go off of yeah I didn't. I don't read media base anymore. My days of reading media base
are long gone. Yeah, so we Okay, So I did post a social I means it's not about anyone in this room. It's not about okay, so this is okay, So it's a friend right, so I post we are you guys would also agree. You ladies will agree with me that people do come out of the woodwork during these celebratory times, and rightfully so right like, people are like this is incredible and I'm so happy for you, Like it's so great to see people say, yeah.
I love that.
There's people I don't do well with personality types that try to hijack things and make it about them. I'm not even making the number one about me, and I'm actually on the label this time. I'm just really proud of my husband. Yeah, but I have really witnessed it. There's a few different ones and not even just my people, but I've witnessed how they've tried to tie themselves in on social media.
And you're like, we're not friends and not even texting to say right, they're just ben on social media, wild and very like big.
And grandstandy on social media, and I'm like, where is this coming from?
Yeah?
Really not my favorite thing. And I and I also try really hard to go like, what is it about that that makes me like what's triggering? You know? Well, don't you think it's the person's wanting attention? Yeah?
I would say it's like when someone dies and they're like they were my best friend and I'm like, you didn't even talk to them in school, you know, right, they want that piece of attention. Yeah, Or the people that like announce the death before the family members even do. It's like that kind of huh yeah, Like it's not it's I don't know. I just I will say though, I grew up with a dad who made a lot about him all the time, and so I think that is part of my like allergy to it.
Like give me an EpiPen. This is like disgusting to me, and I so I have to go like is that me? Or is that this situation? And I just don't love it? So that's my whine about it. I just get really annoyed. I'm like, you haven't even texted me to say the things that you're now just making such a public declaration and trying to tie in and like there was this pretending to know everything about our daily life and I'm like, hello, like.
Like you just want to post like something in return, so everybody knows, like.
Right that you're associated with this, Okay, we got it. I think people want to be associated with fame of things or uh yeah, acknowledge.
That with them, right, you know.
And it's honestly, I mean, it's been like five years since we've had one, so I'm like, where has everybody been out?
Yeah, yeah, let's say I get that. I wouldn't like that either. Yeah.
It's really quite frustrating and it just feels disingenuous. And I'm so that is just so like hurts my whole being that I'm like, and then I'm the one who would normally say something, yeah, did you I didn't. I'm working on being slow to speak, work on that too. Sacred pauses as I've heard, Oh I just gowing, do we need to pause? Just asking for a friend?
I will say, A lot does sort itself out.
A lot does sort it A lot does yeah, and also light Cramer. A lot of times I write what I'd want to write, but there is something like, Okay, if I did post that, what good does.
That do well in that situation?
Like?
But does it y'all have really friends anyway? And it's not going to do any good that makes sense, So I'll make my wine about it. Do y'all watch that video that I sent. Y'all, you were probably already podcasting earlier.
Oh, I haven't looked at my text. You're fine. I came across this video apparently this is Yeah, guys, I'm really not offended.
I want you to so you know, we've been dealing with like middle school drama, like friend drama or whatever. But side note, this video popped up on my thing today and I'll just explain it. It basically is this teacher in this high school classroom and she is losing her mind at her students, like literally hitting her hand against the thing because these students have bullied another kid, okay,
and she is literally yelling at them. She was like, you know, in their face, like this is what is wrong with Like if you do not treat people like this, if you do not apologize, get the fuck out of my classroom. I mean, losing her mind. The teacher yes, because croom, because because they bullied this boy. And it's this big boy too. He has his head down, he's crying and she is literally no he was already I'm assuming he was already just because they were I don't
know exactly what they did. She literally says, she goes, there are people out there killing themselves because the thing that you just did to him or whatever. At the end, I didn't even realize this because I saw it two different places. But at the very end, you realize that he had had a maga hat on and they were bullying him for political reasons. I didn't even know that though, I didn't know that until. My whole point for this is too, my whole point, My whole point. My whole
point is a lot of things. First of all, bullying is very much on my mind. I'm not saying my daughter's being bullied, but it's very much on my mind now age yeah, and which yeah, and it's you know, and I got a lot of responses from people I know who are like, I've gotten my kids out of the high school year kids are at because of bullying and nobody taking care of it, and so it just
but my thing is is it's a controversial video. And I wanted to ask y'all because it's like she was not sugarcoating it.
Can I ask what grade?
I mean? They looked like they were probably tenth eleventh.
Grade, then old because I'm sorry for me. I'm just if this was like an elementary class, okay, oh well yeah, like dropping even though I'm sure their parents have dropped an F bomb or time or two. Maybe maybe not, but in eleventh grade, absolutely, I would say, as long
as any physical stuff, it's absolutely not. But like if she is saying get the fuck absolutely, if you're bullying, someone's like, I can so on hundred percent, and you're in that grade, because I think that's the only way those kids may be able to hear it.
Yeah. If not, yeah, because one girl, actually you can hear from the back says, well, he shouldn't have worn the hat. And she goes get out of my classroom because she had just said, y'all all apologize. I guess the whole class did something to this kid, y'all all apologize right now, or get the f out of my classroom. And then this kid from the back was like, well you shouldn't have worn the hat, and he was like, she was like, get out of my classroom right now.
But I mean she is like hitting this, she's ash. I mean, she is passionate. You know. It's just been very interesting to see a lot of controversy around it, and a lot of people who were like, absolutely, that's what we need. We need people standing up. It does not matter what hat he was wearing, does not matter. If it was political, it doesn't matter. If it was racial, it doesn't matter whatever it was. It was bullying.
And that's the thing.
If it involves bullying, I think a reaction like that at that age with those kids is fine. Obviously no physicality attached to it. Yeah, if there is. If it wasn't a bullying situation and someone just did you know, then then I'd be like, no, that's a little.
Too right, right for sure. But and I sent it to some of my friends.
And I was, what is Yeah, what is everyone saying?
Well, I mean, you know, everyone I've been getting so far has just been like yes, absolutely, like we need more of this, you know. But it just really had me thinking because I had a very a smaller scale situation where I'll just tell the story. There was a friend in Emmy's friend group, not one of her great friends, but a guy friend in her friend group who I had seen on social media, actually through Emmy's phone that he had said to another person but on social media,
basically telling them he needed to go kill himself. He's you know, called him gay, called him all these just a lot of things, right, And I was like, this behavior is absolutely unacceptable. Now it wasn't towards emmy, it wasn't you know, whatever. But I told her how I felt about it and how I didn't want her spending time with him, but to see the parents that I know, well that kid told him to go kill himself. The way people defend the behavior has my mind blown.
Okay, right, like the hat, like like yeah, like them saying, well, he wore the hat.
He wore the hat, So at what point do we just go, Okay, we're gonna let him get away with it because that kid told him to do it. First. Now that kid needs consequences, but so does that kid. They all have to be reinforced and as adults as a whole. I'm saying, people are making excuses for them. I mean, good friends of mine are making excuses for this kid. And I'm like, I'm my mind is blown, Like in what world is that ever? Okay?
Well I even mentioned and this is not we don't want to go backwards, but like part of my reaction to the story that Janna shared earlier about the kid hitting the other kid, I said, what happens is these are just all muscles in their learning. So at a little age, if no one's correcting that and we're tiptoeing and maybe that's how this person is, yes, then they are just reinforcing and building muscle or behavior that's not acceptable and not safe more than anything, and then they
never learn. And if parents aren't going to do that, like I do, think that's why they say it takes a village to raise a child, and not that we need to be parenting everyone's but like, at some point this is not except the behavior.
Yeah, we're raising a society of you know, and like in my what this mom friend group, it's you know that I sent it to. One person was like, kids can be assholes, but bullying is another thing. And I said, yeah, but assholes unchecked become bullies. That's right, And that's my problem.
And so I have gotten flack for this before for saying that I'm not a super super into like gentle parenting, because I feel like we create a society of kids that are able to talk their way out of things and their own behaviors. And I'm not saying spank your child. I'm just saying, like consequences. This isn't like, yeah, okay, let's have a tea party, because I want to talk
about like at some point that's just unacceptable. Yeah, And we have a responsibility to raise people for society and honestly people.
I want that for that kid.
Same.
I want that mom to say you cannot do this and there is a consequence for it. And I don't think that kid wants to be that kid.
I have a really I defend kids in like the opposite inside outweigh where I'm like, there's something else going on there, like what is here to talk about? Yeah, because a kid that wants to say that, there's something deeper there.
Anyways, Well, and I tried talking to the other kid that was accused, who it was said to, who was accused of saying it. First, I actually sat down with him in my home and I had a conversation with him and I talked to him. He said he couldn't talk to his parents. He couldn't, you know. And I tried to give him advice. Well, he's hurting, and he
took that a lot. He said things that I said and twisted and all that and said, I need we need to distance ourselves from this situation because I was trying to help and he kind of twisted it because there's just you know, drama. But again, it just it makes me sad for all of them because it's not that I'm saying that this kid is a bad kid. It just the behavior has to be checked or it's
going to get worse. And then what's going to happen to this kid when he does it to Because I'll tell you what, had he posted that towards my child, there wouldn't have been forgiveness, let me be very clear, and that that I you know, and he doesn't speak to my child anymore, like at all. He doesn't speak to her. She's afraid that he you know, she's afraid to leave the group. She's afraid him and others will
bully her. But I dare him to post something like that to my own kid, because there's no way I would not be aware that that was happening, and then I would not take do something to take care of it. And that's he Eventually he's going to do it to the wrong person and he is going to have constant quinces, and it's going to be much bigger than it would be if somebody would just handle it. Now, I just.
Don't understand how we got here. I mean, think the same thing. Just think back. I really truly didn't know what suicide was until I couldn't even tell you. But like, and I couldn't imagine telling another human to kill themselves. And these middle schoolers are telling other kids to do that. I'm like, I just like, I don't think they realize the words and the weight that they're actually I don't
think they understand it. And the problem is is now these kids are actually doing it, and like, can you imagine having that ripple effect on your life that you were the one to say that to someone, Because again, like you said, I don't think they mean to say this, and I don't know if they know the weight that goes on too.
That exactly that is what I talked to that boy about. I'm like, you don't understand what you're saying, what that does to people, And it's it's I don't I mean, I think social media is a lot of it, but I don't even know how we got to this point.
It was so interesting, This is like not, this is on the smallest smallest, smallest, smallest tenius of scales. But I something we had. I had a a night just with Jolie, and Mike wanted to do a night just with Jace, so we like to just kind of trade off sometimes and like have our own private time or whatever. And in the morning, yes, it was a lot quieter
because Jace's you know, he's loud or whatever. And when we were all together back this morning, Jolie is like, Jace, it was so much quieter when you weren't here, and I go, hey, babe, Like I was like stop. I pulled her aside and she's like what it wasn't me And I go, but what you're telling him, He's now going to believe that he's loud.
And Jace isn't loud. It's just a fun, loving boy. But I think these kids start telling these kids, and then they start believing what these other kids are and like, that's okay, that's not you're not the like.
But it's so true. It starts off so small, yeah, and it's so innocent. It truly is. But again, that's why I say unchecked behavior.
Yeah, I mean an assholes, unchecked become bullies, like what, yeah a quote from Kat Yeah, and that's that's so true.
It's just so y'all need to go watch that video. I'm gonna post it again when this podcast airs, because it is like I'm getting so many responsible I mean, I think she's been I mean, it's it's wonder fire.
I know it's just for the language.
You so not.
I know, the all female Blue Origin flight is getting a lot of heat and reaction. Slubs are speaking out questioning what the point of the flight to space was and how is this billion dollar spend justified? So Olivia Wilde slams it. You know who else? I mean, there was there was a few people that I saw. Amy Schumer had said a comment about it, Olivia Munn had made a comment about how you know, and I don't know one of one of those three people were basically
or also Emily Redaitowski she also said it. One of those girls had mentioned too, like you know, people can't even buy eggs yet were doing this. I don't I gotta say, I don't have a real thought to it. I just know there's no way in hell I hate flying, so there's no way my ass has ever gone to space like ever, like, I don't want to see it. I don't want to sky. I don't want to jump out of a plane.
I don't.
I don't want to see the world from up there. I don't. I don't.
I don't want to have that feeling. I know we're I know we're on a very we're small in such a big world. I do that piece I felt when I went to Ireland and stood by the cliffs of Moware, you know, like I've had those moments and for me, like you're not gonna I would never, But I don't really have much of a thought. So I'm curious what you girls think about it.
Kabi, I don't when you go to space, Okay, no, not going to space.
My husband would love to go to space. So this is actually.
I saw this headline and I was like, how do I So I'm just going to be honest because there's no way for me to frame it that would probably be pleasing to everyone. So Preston was all in watching this footage, all in. I mean, this is his dream.
I mean I watched it too because I thought it was kind of cool to see the rockets go up. I made him shut it off October Skygirl.
I made him shut it off really yep, talk to me, because I said, these are not women that went to school for this. These are not people that have degrees and have spent their whole lives careers and financial stability learning about space. They are just women that are privileged enough to go up, tap space and come down. I think that's lovely for them that they get to live their dream, if that is their dream. I know Gail is very passionate about space. It seems this is her dream.
Oprah was even quoted to say she didn't want to hear about Gail not going, and so that's why Gail went. Sounds like a quote that we would say that one about Yeah, Like I just don't even want to hear about it to just go. Yeah. I just struggle with how much publicity it gets because there's actual astronauts, women astronauts like I struggle, and so I'm trying to be not as like feisty about it, but for it just rubbed me the wrong way, like I was like, got it?
I mean, yeah, I'm trying to like, I don't know.
Why I got passionate.
Very rarely do I get passionate about like a current event made him turn it off. I'd made him turn I said, I don't want to listen to that anymore. Like this is ridiculous. Rich people just went to space and tapped them, do you know? Like they were there for ten seconds, they floated and they came back down. An experience of a lifetime. I'm certain for people that that matters to of course, But like all the publicity, I don't.
Even know what was happening. If it tells you anything.
Do follow the Wendy's account, Wendy's Twitter account. It's really fun. Katie Barry went to space and then Wendy said, can they keep her?
There's been a lot around Katie because.
I'm curious because I know you go more political on things, so.
I don't have a strong I agree with everything you said, though I'm like, wait, why are we doing this? I immediately start to think about and I don't know her name. I apologize. I don't really pay attention to a lot of space stuff. Space is not interesting to me. I don't know what I believe. I just I don't really touch a lot of space stuff. I'll be honest. You could, though, for the right amount of money, that does bother me. What is the woman's name who was just stuck in space for ten months?
Oh yeah, that was a whole thing.
My mind just goes to her. Yeah, I'm sure this woman is like, is this a joke? I just got stuck in space for ten months? And like, but this is the publicity off of this, and like, I don't know. Again, I don't have a strong opinion.
I did see the creams Sunita, Sunny Williams.
Thank you, yes, yes, yes, So my mind kind of went to her, like she's probably like, oh man, so easy for them to go up and touch it. And I get stuck there for ten months. And I'm an astronaut, you know.
When I just started a Devil's advocate a little bit, please, I think, And again I am. I don't know much about space. Nasah what Elon Musk. I think he's involved in some of this. I'm not really sure, but I always okay, I obey, okay, Besis one of the rich dudes.
It all comes to the body.
Yeah, I do believe there's a piece of it that might be bringing some kind of awareness because I think there should be a presence in space. I want to think that that's there's a reason that we should have some seeing what's out there and resources.
And I don't know, like.
I think two have like, yes, it seems a little wild and out there, and like why and yes to your point, this poor sunny woman, So I hear all that, But I'm also like, is the is the development of doing something like this? Yes, doing the rides up to space seems a little bit out there, but maybe there's a piece in there that they'll use it for good reason and for good purposes, for the use of maybe finding other resources out there.
So it sounds like I will agree with you. It sounds like whatever the company was or whatever they're trying to raise, correct me, I'm wrong, awareness for making Earth a better place and taking our waste to space. Did y'all read this? There's something about that, But I just.
That's maybe the positive spin on it, right, which is why they're needing this money of these rich people to go up there to maybe go do something.
So I do think that that is some of the intent. For sure. I think it became, for whatever reason, a huge publicity, not stunt, but a huge pr thing that just didn't sit well with a lot of people, and I think that that's fair. I think both things can be fair. Do I think that we need to be spending all the money to do like a quick No, but di Bezos pay for all of it. I don't even know, like who paid for it, I don't I don't know.
I want to believe there was a good reason for what they're doing and why they're doing things, like, for example, people hate on zoos. This is a terrible example, but.
I get.
But there's a lot of conservation things. There's a lot of rescue people that the certain animals that would have been far gone extinct at this moment, but they're you know, creating in breeding and all those things to then put back out into the wild. So I do think for those types of reasons, I always kind of go, Okay, what is the full circle? I'll support this, Yeah, And then because there is a full circle, they're not just
ringling brothers, you know, some elephants. So I just wish maybe I was trying to have this moment like although I missed the elephants and I went to the Ring of the Brothers, I'm just saying, no.
Way, that's just got I do. And I'm trying to be like, I don't know why it fired me up. I think I just was like, this doesn't like you know, like present was like these women went to space and I so we quickly went on like a tur day female astronaut at our house, and I was like, these are women that have spent like you know, I think maybe if they had integrated some of those female astronauts and like you know, maybe and maybe they did on the backs. I don't know. I honestly didn't watch enough
of it to you can probably speak about it. But I just thought, man, this is it's not showing. It's you know, like somebody was like, oh, if we went to space and we dream you can go to space, you can go to space, and I'm like, well, you sure can, but let's use you. We're saying.
And one of the questions was for the amount of money it costs in the time, like you know, basically, how much would you go to space?
How much would you pay? I wouldn't pay. I would pay.
Your would never like if some almost like here's a free trip to space. My anxiety, Oh my god, I can't handle.
After they just got stuck in space.
Guys, I can't even stand on a chair without getting sweaty hands. There's no way I'm going to space.
I don't I feel white.
Lotus lou Would Amy lou Would says recent crying photos were unrelated to esen all controversy.
Did you guys see the skit?
I didn't, Oh, I watched it on me, but I will say, you know, they were making fun of it was a very political sketch.
It was hilarious.
I thought it was so funny, and I agree with her up until they made fun of her appearance. The one of the actors as it had a fake set of teeth and it was obviously showing she's got a bit of an overbite and fake teeth. And so what she said was I did find the SNL thing mean and unfunny. You know, She's like, there must be a clever, more nuanced, less cheap way, and I agree with that.
With that beat, it's like there could have been a way that you could They could have done that with so much more class, Like okay, yeah, poke fund at a girl's appearance.
Real clever guys, Yeah, no, back to bullying. This is RCT, that's what this is. Yeah, we are making it too like, yes, people are sensitive now it's like both like we are very sensitive to things, but also so not sensitive and just attacking people's looks is bullying. That's not nice.
Like it's like, you know, I go back to a Kardashian episode, but she's like when she got called essentially a whoror on the Tom Bradie Race roast, She's like, guys, be more creative, Like why are I now just saying like, yeah, I think they're just people are just becoming cheap with their yeah low shot, Yeah sure, or like that's not funny, None of that's funny. Hi, I would love if you could talk about how you got your pink back after babies?
Guys, what's your bink? Oh?
That's something.
Unfortunately, let's keep reading it. Unfortunately it took me getting divorced to do so, and I now have some friends going through right now. They have tiny babies and are feeling the mental pressure that comes with it. I want them to know they aren't alone, but my example isn't very helpful. When did you start feeling like yourself again? Did you mourn the old jew? How did you get your pink back? That's cute, and I'm really cute. I feel like that should be. I was thinking like on
my like boobs or something like. I went. I was like, why don't know that it turned anything on bank? But I didn't chicken.
So what's the question? I think it's O.
My dearest reader, great question.
But did you mourn the old? So when did you start feeling it yourself again? Did you more in the old old you? How did you get your pink back? I would say it took me about a year. It took me about a year to get my hormones. I feel leveled ish out. I ah, I gos, that's really hard because I don't think I'll ever get back what I was then.
Like I'm on year nine.
I'll let you know when it comes out.
Yeah.
So I'm just kind of embracing the changing of me now. So it's like I even look at, you know, my non botox face, that's been a year. Uh you know, I've looked in the mirror. I'm like, goh, these wrinkles and my my smile lines, and I really definitely notice it. But I'm really just trying to embrace this. I am forty one, and I want to age gracefully, and I know my hormones are changing and I am a young
mom or I'm an older mom. I mean, and I have got young kids, and I'm doing the best that I can with doing my blood work and taking the supplements and taking care of myself and using the sauna and going for runs and walks and all those things. And I'm just embracing because I don't want the old me back. I didn't like old me. I like new me because I'm evolving. So I think if you change the mindset to that, it's like I will never get
her back. I don't know if I'll ever get her energy back, but I can try with new things and like the saunas and runnings and working, you know, and having a positive attitude of mind blah blah. But like, I think it's reframing because I don't think I'm ever
going to get the old face back. I'm not going to get the old body, and I don't want to chase something that I don't really want back anyways, because I like, I'm embracing the newness even though I pick it sometimes apart, but I'm trying not to.
Does that make sense you guys? Yeah?
Absolutely, Okay.
I also think it's good to maybe know what you need as a new mom. Like I think sometimes just getting dressed is so good for us that we forget. I know I didn't want to do that, but it so like there's that overview, which is the best version of you is now. It's incredible and deeper and richer than anything you could ever imagine. And it's okay if you miss hot food, So maybe whatever you need. Like I know, there was even a time in this postpartum where I thought, I just want dinner. I want hot
dinner and a server and even just that. And then there was other days where I didn't want to go out past six. I wanted to hold them and be
with them, and like that's okay too. And so it's just like kind of going like really asking yourself, maybe what you need, because sometimes I need to feel like a girlfriend, So getting dressed and going to dinner and having just a minute to not have to share your food or you know, there's just so much any little daily things too that I think we don't check in with on ourselves.
Yeah, And I don't even think it has to be about a new mom. I think it's just as we everybody as we age, as we go through different phases of maybe PERI metabause or this, that and the other.
It's just not chasing a version that we should embrace the version we are now.
Yeah. Well we're always evolving, yeah, or we should be yeah, you know, honestly, so, I don't even know if that applies to the getting your pink back, you know whatever, pink, But.
Your pink didn't really leave you. It's just you know, changes a little. It just yeah, the colors change. Eat a carrot and you'll turn orange.
And sorry, we're not helping's you never get it back, is what she's read. No, but she's heard throughout it's not.
It's not that you don't get it back, but do you want, like, get the pieces that you want back. So the pieces that you want back maybe is your energy or it's some of your time. Prioritize, like you said, those pieces that you want, and then take the new and go forward with it, you know. So it's like, grab the things that you miss, bring it to your now pink self, you know, and then and then embrace what is you know, what is new, what is healed, what has evolved?
Yeah, well and it does say, as I looked it up a little bit more finding your identity. So that is finding what that new identity is. I did struggle, and that can be hard for moms for sure. Yeah, but I think, like you said, the little things get yourself dressed at first, Yeah, get up and go out figure out this new you and what makes you happy and you know. So, I think that just the baby.
Steps up unintended, but yeah, tiny, All right, ladies, See you next week. By