Exes to Text with Laura Prepon

bi weekly grocery store adventure. How is it? It was fortunately quiet good So I went to Whole Foods and Public because we get different things at different stores, and it was remarkably quieter than it had been in the past. Everyone people I saw had masks? Was that so weird? To see everyone have masks? Because I have not been out of the house. I'm losing my mind. I have not been out of the house for a little over a month, so I haven't seen like a store or

driven my car. I don't even know if I'm gonna be able to drive my car. I'm gonna be like, how do I stop this thing? But like, I can't imagine. Like I was zooming with some of my girlfriends last night and we were just talking about, like because they have gone to the store, and I was like, man, what a weird reality that now we see because I'm

gonna be real honest. Usually when I saw people with masks on, like at the airport, I'm like, you know, it's like all right, easy, I'm like, okay, calm down. But now it's like I was like, Michael, do not leave without a mask. I feel like we live in Asia now, and I mean that's no, it's not that, it's just the culture. You see that often in their culture, because yeah, I think about it. They they're show overpopulated. Is that why? I think so? I think it'smar than

I think it's a part of their culture. And I also think it's because they're so densely compacted in population where it's things probably spread easier there, possibly when you're on top of each other as much as they are, or maybe they're just a lot smarter and they're like saw this coming before y'all did, right, But I'm saying even before before, no, no, no, I mean like before yeah, Like it's like they they're more aware of I don't know.

But now it's like I was, I was like, you have to wear either a scarf or we don't have a mask that you were bandana, but that must have been like, like, what was it? Was? It just weird to see everyone wearing masks, like where the checkout people wearing them too? Oh my god, it's so weird. And a lot of stores from home Depot the whole foods too. I don't think public said you know that a lot of them have like temporary glass shields up like between

the cashier and the customer. Really see, I feel I'm kind of glad. I know that we said that I was going to go grocery shopping because you have bad asthma. But I think I'd have anxiety tack just seeing all that, Like, I think it would feed my anxiety more, and then I would totally freak out. And then I for sure couldn't drive my car because I'd be like good, and then you'd forget half the things I needed you to get. Yeah, I would just think, I just need to get out

of here. I can't breathe. I think this is the lesser two evils that it gives us, uh, less anxiety if I go and you stay, because if it's the other way around, I'd have anxiety. If you're not getting the right things, you'd have anxiety being there. Yeah, and I would just leave real fast and forget everything. But because I think just seeing that it's just like the reality of just like oh man, that this is this is not good. Yeah, it's it's just gonna be interesting.

What a lot of people have been talking about the new norm, you know, like what's the new norm going to be? How long is this going to be a thing. How long are these dividers going to be up at the grocery stores or home depot? How long are people gonna be wearing masks? I mean, honestly, I feel like

we should take these precautions. I mean, not to the economy shutdown, but you know, for flu season, like let's not shake hands, even though that's hard for me to do, but like, you know, just to be more cautious during those times, like, hey, it's flu season, because a lot of like sixteen thousand people a year died from the flu, so it's like, hey, and obviously COVID's worse than that and it's more death rate. But I feel like we should just put more things in place too, not easily

spread things. But I have a headache from cleaning all the groceries. I don't know if it works. I don't know if it's I'm wasting my time. But all I know is this time around, I washed everything with the clorox with the clorox, and now I have a headache so bad. But I do I will say, just because I'm a mom. When we get any of the groceries out the next few days, like we just need to make sure we really wash our hands because I might not.

I might have missed a spot and it lives on there for a minute, so like for a few days. So it's just like the next few days, it's really like be mindful, absolutely sorry. Just to let you guys in on a little like, you know, husband wife chat. We had a little passiveness while I was doing it. I don't know why, but I'm really excited because we have a really awesome guest on today, Laura Prepon. Um. She's an actress, she's a mother, she's now an author.

She was on the Netflix series Orange is the New Black. Um, and obviously she made her television debut on that seventy show. Um, did you watch that seventy show? I never did. I didn't either, but I heard it was funny. I've heard great things. Yeah, I never personally did, but I'm excited to meet her um through Skype, and I'm excited to hear about her book and her journey as a mom. So um super excited. You know, she's married to Ben Foster. A little fun trivia fact. I think he's such a

great actor. He's fantastic. Oh my god, what was the movie with him and Chris Pine that we are obsessed with? Oh? Um, Color high Water. That's one of my favorite movies. That is a top top movie, like probably top seven, it's in the top ten for sure. It's like, if you guys haven't seen that movie, it's incredible. Did you watch Orange Is the New Black? I started it, I remember

years ago, like kind of shortly after it came out. Um, but I think it's one of those times where you know, I was trying to watch like four different shows at one time and it just got lost in translation. I watched the first few seasons. Yeah, do you like it? Yeah? It was really good. I liked it a lot for something about women in jail, you know me, I have like a weird thing with Gana, like badass women I do.

I do like them a lot. So right before the whole quarantine thing happened, Um, I got to meet Abby wan Back and Glenn and Doyle, and it was like dreams they do come true. She's like, fantasy, are you all in one room. I was like, I couldn't even talk to Abby. I was just like stuff founded, Yeah, smitten, like a little kitten. She could have just put me in her pocket, and I've been fine with it. I'll

be your little girl, toy. Oh. I know. I'm really excited to talk to Laura though, because she seems like a badass. Um, let's take a break and then let's get her on. Y Hi, Laura, Laura, can you guys hear me? Okay, yes, we can hear you. Amazing? You look beautiful. I'm very jealous. You've got makeup on. You look amazing, fantastic. Um, I love you. I just I think you're funny. I think you're a badass. And you know now, like how you just had a baby in February,

didn't you. Yeah, at the end of February. How are you doing right now? And you York, I'm doing okay. Um. You know, because we have a newborn, we had planned to be isolating and um having this time be to our family just so we can bond with our baby and our toddler. Um. So we had planned to be isolating now anyway before my book tour, which is now a virtual book tour started, so but we were definitely

planning on isolating for very different reasons. But we're doing okay, you know, We're we try to stay informed, of course, and not let it be too scary, you know, because we because kids pick up on that stuff, you know. So we're really trying to stay informed and find levity and laugh when we can, because you just have to find levity or it's just all too devastating. So we try to just laugh when we can, spend a lot of time with our kids, and yeah, we're just doing

what kim, just like everybody else. Is the newborn a boy, ye, and then the older one is uh yeah two and a half and she all and she's she's she was born in a boy two thousands, seventy. I have milk brain right now because I'm breastfeeding seventeen maybe, um, but yeah, it's it's incredible. It's incredible having to it's a lot, especially with the self isolation everything. But you know what I'm saying. Two was a really rough transition for us because we have a four year old girl and then

a sixteen month old little boy. So but like it's when we hit two, it's like, I'm really glad we had a lot of therapy because I don't know if we would have liked it made it through because it's hard because like you don't have time at all. It's just like I got one, you got one, and it's like then yeah, it's it's it's definitely a real tough transition. Did you did you find it harder? Well, you know, we're only like like seven weeks in, so it's not

it's um, it's it's been really a thank goodness. Here's what I will say, Thank goodness. Our toddler is sleep train because we really were We were really strict with the sleep training at a certain point, at a certain point where like we have got to yeah, we started three months for every kid saying okay, so we started with our daughter. We started too late. We started to wait too late. But we got to a point where we were just like we have to handle this is this,

you know, once they're sleep training. For me, For us, it was a game change, game changer because then they go down and then number one, I feel like it's

much better for her. And this is my own personal experience. Look, I would never tell anybody how to parent ever, know, but like what you were saying though, it is better for them too, though, Like and I'm like such an advocate even, Like I have girlfriends that their kids don't go to bed until like nine ten o'clock, and I'm like, that's great, it works for you, but for us, Like I know my kid, like she's a she's a better toddler the next day when she gets sleep, like when

she does the napp and she has the routine. So I'm totally totally like on same page, like the sleep training, and for us it's at her too because we know she goes down in her bedtime and then you know, my husband and I have time to you know, download the day and like hang out together and have dinner together, and like, you know, when it's not the state of the world is happening. Now, if we put our kids down and then we get a babysitter, we can maybe

go to dinner, you know what I mean. Like, it's just everything is such a game changer when the kids are sleep trained. But again, everyone has a different way the parent awesome, but for us it was a game changer. So but now with the newborn, of course that's all

out the window. But I gotta say the fact that we know our daughter goes to sleep at a certain time, yeah, um, helps so that we're just focused on the newborn, you know what I mean, you see that light at the end the end of the tunnel, knowing that you're newborn eventually is gonna get to that point where she is too. And then that's kind of where we're at where it's like, Okay, we know at seven o'clock the kids are down, we're high five and exactly popping wine or having a drink

and it's time you you guys started both at three months. Yeah, I was so strict, like I was just you know, once the yeah, it was it was about yeah, I would say it was eight. Yeah. Well there's that book too, it's twelve twelve weeks. Yeah. I mean they they're kind of similar. But we went by baby Wise and then it was just eat feed, was it eat feed, play sleep? Um? But I mean it worked like a dream, and it

worked for Jay's two. I will say though, on our second Jace doesn't need as much sleep as Jolie did, so we kind of had to. Unfortunately, we dropped a nap sooner. Um. But I mean, having a little boy is just like, isn't it the best? I'm so, I'm so glad that our first was a girl. I really am, because I always thought I wasn't one of those people who like wed dream about the day I got married or the day I had that. This was never me,

Like I started working at such a young age. I was always so focused on my career and I knew that I wanted to wait until I met my partner, my you know, I wanted to wait until I was with my husband, the one I was supposed to be with, and my husband and I didn't get together, so I was thirty six, so we you know, we both I mean, I'm not going to speak for him, but I focused on my career and then finally he came into my life.

Even though we've known each other since we were eighteen, you know, we took this, you know, the bumpy road. We always say that we're like we earned each other, um, but it's you know the fact that I started late just was it was a very different experience for me. But the fact that we had a girl first. I thought was very very cool, Like I never thought about I never like planned my wedding or thought about you know, jumps about the kids. And then finally when it was right,

it was just right. Um. But if I ever did have the thought, I always thought I was gonna have a boy first, which was weird. Well, and I kind of wanted a boy first because I grew up with an older brother and so so I kind of like, yeah, I want like the older brother. But I will tell you what, you know, I'm so glad I had a daughter first two because she's so good with the baby and she's just she's really like I think she helped ease my way into motherhood a little bit because obviously

we don't know what we're doing. Um, but there's something about a little girl just having I don't know, it just it really Yeah. But now I mean the little boy, it's just it's such a different crazy Yeah, I totally got. But in your book, so, um, it's you and I as mothers, and it was I was. When I was reading the Breakdown, you said, you're like you were blindsided when you became a mother. What what blindsided you? What was the thing that was just like that, you weren't

expecting any of it. I like any of it. I you know, I've always been and I prided myself on this, like I've always felt like the rock I've always been. My friends called me like the Rock of Gibraltar, like they would always come to me to get the is done.

I think that's why I tend to thrive in different kinds of roles, like director, because as a director, I'm really good with large amounts of responsibility and pressure and stress like yeah, like I'm I'm very good at putting like order into a situation like that, which is why I feel like direct and so comfortable for me. Um. But when I became a mother, it was like I was a complete but I could not take care of myself or my family everything. And it wasn't postparted to

anxiety or sorry, depression. It wasn't depression. It was an anxiety that I've never experienced before. And the anxiety came from protecting this baby that I I didn't understand what was going on. Number one, I didn't understand the hormones. The hormones just took over and I had no clue what the hell to do UM. I could not take care of myself, I couldn't take care of my family. I wasn't nourishing any of us properly like I was totally and then I was so stressed out and it

would affect my my milk. It was like a whole thing, and I had really really bad post part of anxiety. And that's probably one of the biggest things that threw me. Being someone who's usually the rock that people come to, I felt like I couldn't take care of myself and my family and it's really really hard for me. And then that's when I decided that I needed to write this book because I feel like there's all these things that as mothers we we don't talk about that are

still kind of like shrouded in darkness. And I don't in secrecy and I'm not sure why, because it's okay that we don't have everything figured out right now, you know, I also as a working mom. Being a stay at home mom is just as hard UM. But for me as a working mom, I felt like I would wear this like maternal badge of honor, like I had this macho approach to much or any like I was going to go back to work, and nobody would know that

I'm suffering. Nobody would know that I'm like I can power through on no sleep and you know the fact that I'm a complete basket case, and like, nobody's gonna know. I had this weird thing that I had to prove something, and I wasn't sure why. I'm like, why why do I have this thing that I feel like I need to prove, like UM. And I realized that I was suffering from all these things like the stress, the loss

of control, mom guilt, like UM, self care. I felt like I didn't deserve self care, like all these things. I realized that mothers of all ages were all dealing with UM. And that's why I interviewed my mom squad in the book, which is Mothers of All Ages backgrounds UM Children, and they have all children of different ages.

And I specifically wanted not only myself my own stories, but my mom squad so that anybody can really read this book and have something to relate to, because I feel like we're all suffering from these common subjects, do you know what I mean? So that's why I wanted to write us. I couldn't find this book out there,

so I was like, I'm just gonna write it. You know, I have a I have an incredible amount of empathy for you moms because you don't hear of dad's shaming, right, you hear of like mommy shaming, and it feels like society and people have put all the pressure on you all and when really it's equally the husband. You know, the mom and the dad are responsibility to do and

to go through all of this. And I know this second time around for jan and I, really communicating on how we honestly feel in a moment really helped us. Just being like and allowed her to not feel alone. Because Jane is very much like you. She thrives in chaos. If things aren't going crazy around her, she's uncomfortable. She needs like things to like it's it's insane, she has

to have it. So for her to finally lean into me and us to meet there and for me to reassure her that she's not alone and what she's feeling at times really helped us the second time around. And my question to you is like, how is been your husband? You know, how has he stepped up as as a father and kind of you know, been there. I want to focus on the positive of kind of the husband, wife,

mom dad connection like for the second one second one around. Yeah, he look, I'm so fortunate because he is the best partner, husband, everything I could have ever asked for. And before we got together, I wrote a list. I'm not kidding, and I say this to my single friends. I wrote a list of exactly what I wanted. And I'm like, this is what I want and I'm not talking about like I did that. It's the dear God, let her please

send me this man exactly exactly. So I wrote my version of that, okay, And it's not about it's like real true connection stuff that I wrote down from like connecting on levels that it's not just about looks and this I mean obviously of course being attracted your writner is a big deal, but it's like the really deep things that I was for in my life partner. And once I wrote that list, he he was there and that was you know what I mean. So I and I did a lot of my own work to be

ready to happen in my life. And that's a whole other, you know, situation. But and that's why we say we like earn each other. But I'm really fortunate in that

he's the most incredible partner I could ever ask for. Um. And when I was going through all this, um, when I first started kind of putting it down and writing about it, he was the one who really inspired me to start writing it in the form of a book where he's like, you can't be the only one dealing with this, and he said, there's you know, there's so many other women out there that have got to be struggling with this too, And that was one of you know,

besides the fact that how I helped work through things is by writing about it and getting it out. And you know, that's what we do with their communication, We get it out. UM. But he was a big inspiration on that regard to you know, open my eyes to you know, you should think about writing about this so people can heal from it. It sounds really supportive. Yeah, I can't like amazing, you know what I mean. I'm

very fortunate. And you know the other thing too, is I also write in my book, you know, I have an entire chapter on partnership because you know, everybody can relate to a chapter on partnership on how to keep your partnership strong. After kids are in the mix. The other thing too is and again that's myself, my own stories, my my mom squad, you know, a bunch of people

chiming in. But the other thing too is that I can't tell you how many people have read the book because it came out a week ago, who are not mothers or might or may choose and not to be, who are still getting so much out of the book, as well as partners getting a better understanding of what their partner went through, you know, as their mother. But I can't tell you how many people have gotten so much out of it because I speak to these things

of you know, stress control, anxiety. That's what I was just going to ask in the book, because um, do do you talk about ways like how you've been able to cope with your anxiety and ways that are helpful for for those suffering with anxiety, Because I'm like, I have mad anxiety, like awful anxiety to the point where you know, we we were going to film something and I was just like, but if I'm not with the kids, and you know, and then I just like, I feel

like a bad mom, but I'm trying to support my family, and so it's just one of those struggles where it's just like, and then I'm terrified to fly because oh my god, what if something happens? And then I just my full entire like just body is just taken over with anxiety and fear. So I'm just curious if you write about that too. I that's exactly what I write about, like for real, that's exactly There's a whole section on

that because I was going through that as well. Here's the thing that was so important for me with this book was not only did I want to share these because usually I've been Look, I've been fortunate enough to be in my industry for over twenty years, and I love what I do, and it's a constant negotiation on

because I'm a very private person. So and anything I do that involves my family, my husband and I have a conversation about it and we make sure that we're on the same page with it because with what I do, obviously there's being in the public eye, and we always make sure that we are in agreement with that and so, but some a lot of the stuff that I shared

in my book is really personal stuff. But I felt like it was so important for the first time because I felt like there was this conversation that wasn't being had that I really wanted to drop my defenses and share these truths. And I share a lot of stuff in this book that I is really vulnerable for me, but I felt it was so important so we could

really have this conversation. And you know, one of the things too, is besides sharing stories and the stories from my mom squad, giving tools was a huge thing that I wanted in this book. I wanted to give the reader tools so that after they read the book, after they take the time to read the book, because you know, sitting down and reading a book, it's like I want to make sure that I can give give something back.

Walking away with something you're learning, it's like going to therapy and then being like, but then how do we what do we do to stuff? Exactly? Yeah, exactly. So that so I wanted to give that to the reader, so that I give a lot of tools in the book that you can leave with and put into action

in your life. Because that is so badly what I wanted, and that is what I wanted to give the reader because I needed tools on how to navigate through this and and again when I was dealing with a particular anxiety, like something you were just talking about. You know, my friend who was an eighteen year old kids, she was dealing with anxiety, but because of a completely different subject because our kid is older, but we were both dealing with anxiety. So it's really relatable to women of all ages.

And the his tools were really important to me to give in the book. In every chapter there's that, and then at the end of the chapter, I also asked the reader to reflect on their own situations. So it's I really tried to make the book like a conversation, like a dialogue back and forth love that I want, Like I'm gonna can I Can I order it on Amazon? Yes? Yes, perfect, yes, right now, you and I. It's out everywhere everywhere, books

are out. It's out, and it's you know, you can order a physical copy, you can get an e book. It's it's out. Do you dad have anxieties? By the way, I mean there are dads I do, but you know me, I'm I'm like you never get I am um. But that's why we balanced each other out. Because I'm in a plane and it's like terrible turbulence and like, oh my god, I could have been a great mother and like, my kids are never gonna know me and he's just

like sitting there watching his iPad like nothing's happening. Yeah, we have to. Well, I'm sure you pretty much answered my question about what can people you know leave with it out of you know, this book. And but I will say I again, I appreciate and respect the fact that you're being so open because I understand being in the public eye and being a celebrity status. It's it's scary to lean into that honest, true emotion and experience

that you may be going through. Um, But with a book like it sounds like yours is, you can't bullshit that stuff like people readers will will read right past that be like this isn't this isn't me, this is all fluff. And so I'm inspired to to read it with Janna, and especially that you talk about partnerships and that people that aren't aren't aren't aren't even married and

don't have kids can get something out of it. Um, Janna and I are all about that life and that therapeutic life and learning more about each other and everything. So uh, we'll definitely check it out, and we hope all the readers married or not, our kids are not check it out to yep you and I as mother Laura, thank you so much. I know you're on this crazy book tour right now, so I just love you. Thank you guys so much for having me, and thank you guys for what you're doing. And um, I'm just yeah,

thanks for having me on you guys. So excited to read your book. Thank you bye, guys. She's so sweet, so sweet. I loved her. She was awesome. I just really appreciate what she said that she tried to find the book and she couldn't find it, so she wrote it. Like I appreciate people that are willing to share their stories because they couldn't find it for themselves, so now they're wanting to give it back to somebody else. I

just like, I really love that a lot. No, I think it's great and it's very powerful thing for someone to do. I just think it's funny that like the difference in a mom and dad when it comes to

just the reality. I mean so much so that I freak out because you know, for some reason, Jason's room just does not get heat to it, and he's you know, Michael has been quarantine up in the room, up in his media room, like playing video games like at night, and he like will keep turning the like the cooler on, and I just like, in my mind, there's been so many times when I've gone up there and I'm like, Michael, you have to keep the heat on because it's going

to freeze in that little boy's room. And I just like I stay up and it's just like, maybe that's why I'm waking up in such a panic every night, because even last night I went, I made sure to go upstairs. I put the heat on, and then you know, I was like, oh, honey, it's really cold in his room. Stipe put the heat on, like please don't change it. And I swear to God this morning when I woke up and got that little boy, he was like an icicle in his room. You put the damn cooler on.

What are you thinking. I was like, Mike, don't forget that. I was worried about little man being cold. He's literally was like walked into his room. I was like, mother, So that started our morning off great. But it's just like, you know again, like I wake up in the middle of the night thinking of those things and you're just like you wake up and you're like, I want some

chicken nuggets with French fries. But it's every you know, cartoon or you know, when there's the funnies in the in the papers, the funny papers, like the comic cartoons and the papers and stuff, it's like you see all those, you know, representations of women thinking in depth thought and then it's like, you know, thinking about what, you know,

what color their poop was that morning or something. So it's I mean, guys in general, I think are a little bit more laxed, but in our relationship, you know I am, And again we bounced each other out. And do you ever worry? Like what are your fears about parenthood in the in the kids? Like I do you? Do you genuine only have any fears or anxiety? Or do I just carry them all for you? Do I do? I worry enough for you. But my whole thing is about being prepared. So we have an arsenal because you

think zombies are coming, Hey, we didn't. We didn't know COVID was coming. You can't shoot it. And Janna gave me ship about all these latex gloves that I bought for the garage. To clean stuff and we use them all the time. Now I did that came in and so did the fifty thousand sanitizer bottles that I bought like a year ago. It's for me. I think it's

just preparation. And I always tease that, you know, I have like a part of my personalities like a doomsday prepper and I want like a fallout shelter one day or something. But that's what relieves my anxiety is if ship goes down, we have what we need. And you know,

that goes back to when I was a kid. You know the thing I've said about my dad, it's like in any situation, regardless of week, of how things are going, I never was truly worried because I knew my dad could handle something, Like it didn't matter what it was. I just knew my dad would handle it. And it was such a reassured feeling as a kid, Like at the end of the day, I like, my Dad's got us, you know so, And that's I want that so badly

for y'all, like I want our kids. I want you to be able to be like, no matter what's going on in the world, we're together and Dad's got us. He might freeze you out of the house, but he's got you. You might have the a C on in the wintertime, but he's got you. It is. It's just one of those things like that. So that's for me. I'm trying, I think, just it's naturally instilled to me to be calm, cool and collected in a lot of

ways because that's how my dad was. And I want to be that rock in that sense for y'all, um, which I think every man wants to be for their family. But it's just knowing that my dad absolutely was that I don't really register a lot of fears and situations. Yeah, Like, I mean, I can definitely, I can understand that for sure. And I'll say, you're becoming my rock because you are better with my anxieties and stuff instead of making me feel stupid. Yeah, it's like you've done an incredible job

with that. So I mean, I'm starting to trust in the rock that I got you. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. And and the theme of the previous episodes, she still has questions, but how big of a rock are you? Are you a gray rock? What kind of rock are you? Yeah? I know I've stopped asking as many, but here's the deal. Um, sometimes we're just a nagging wife. Yes, and it's I love that that's what we argue about now, because I'd rather argue about a nagging wife than a that's true.

You know what? Yeah, then lies and I wasn't going to say it ain't no secret. All right, let's take a break. USA Today articles suggests that you should text all your exes just in case you have one more thing you wanted to get off your chest. Why that was USA Today? USA Today suggested that you should text all your exes just in case you have one more thing you wanted to get off your chest. If you had one X to text, oh, I like it. It should be I should start the hashtag one X text.

You just want to stir the pot right now while everyone's quarantine. But hey, it's not me. It's USA Today one X two text challenge. Who would you text? And why? Here's the thing. What what I make up is you have two ways to go with this. You're either going to text them like I'm sorry, my bad, or you're gonna text them I miss you. Why would you say that you missed an X? Not me? But I'm saying people like, what else would you have Hey, I had

broccoli for breakfast? Like, what are you going to text them? And say? Um? I would text the next and say, I'll tell you right now. I know exactly the X that I would text. I would text the X. Is there a baby cry? No? I think it is me breathing in a gap. You're gonna get like a little whistle in your nerves. Yeah, okay, So my hash tag one x two text challenge is I would say I'm really sorry for the person that I was and the way that I wasn't healthy enough to be in that relationship.

Who did you say that to Brentley? It's out? Shut it? No, I'm just saying, like, you know, I was just I wasn't you know? No, my god, No, I'm just saying I wasn't the best version of myself and that relationship I just wasn't, and and I I will. I always have a little bit of regret that I didn't handle things better, for sure, And that's adult. I'm mature of you. I mean I would practically say the same thing to yours. Yeah, well, we're not going to reach out to them because that

wouldn't be healthy. Do you know who mine would be yes, I know. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, anyways, so if y'all can email, no, we are not. That's done, okay, Um, Janna just want to take this opportunity to well actually know you. I should d m S on our wind Down podcast um Instagram. Yeah, so it's wind Down Podcast d m S and let us know your one x that you want us and why and we will next um next episode. We will share some share. You can be anonymous, but just share

the person's first name. Yeah, so we can be like for Stacey out there, I'm sorry for Yeah, we'll just we'll be your apology. I love that sweet or you're not just your apology or your or your f you you mother, b B, I miss you. It's gonna be fine. Do we have any emails? We do? Let's uh, we're gonna I'm gonna check my d m S two on the Wine Down podcast and see if we've got a name. But read me an email first, all right. This email is from a tourist in my own world. It's titled

issues in the Bedroom. My boyfriend and I have been together for six months. We are my boyfriend and I are. This email is from tourist at my own Oh my god. Okay, start over Eastern Please call this. It's on Tori to do it. She might not alright. This emails from a tourist in my own world and the title is issues in the Bedroom. My boyfriend and I have been together for six months. We are having problems in the bedroom. He has had problems in the past where a girl

has told him not to climax. So when we were in the moment, I said, it's okay if you can't. I didn't know that bothered him until three weeks later when he told me that's why he's been acting distant. He said he knows I said it coming from the best place, but he mentally didn't respond well. But now he says he doesn't want to have sex right now. He's distant. I'm so worried he's unhappy with me. My anxiety and depression are through the roof, even with all

the individual therapy I do. Mike, how can I more understand why he doesn't want to have sex with me? Ganna, how do you know when to let go and when to keep pulling on? That's a bummer because I just wish i'all could maybe communicate about it. Um and I think, if you know, I would just try to sit him down and have a conversation with them and just talk about like how it made a feel and because there's nothing worse than having conversations about sex and not performing

in the bedroom. I mean, that's what took Mike and I like a few months off of our pattern. I guess you can say, because when you have anxiety, it's and then you talk about it and there's performance issues in the bedroom, is just gonna get worse. Um, So I think maybe just have one final last conversation then don't bring it up again and see if it gets better, um, and just kind of go from there. But I would I would not beat the horse un intended twelve year

old Janna. Um, how Mike, how can I understand more of it? So? Yeah, to Jane's point, this is hard because for men it becomes like a mental thing. And you know, when Janna and I have had issues in the past, it does become this just mental handicap where you start like I would have anxiety when it got closer to bedtime because of just my fears of being intimate or performance issues or not being another whatever it was.

M it's been a long time since I've dealt with that, but it just takes time of just comfort and for you. It was finally until Janna realized that the more she harped on me about it, the more she you know, pressured me about it, didn't help. That just pushed me

farther away. So once Janna was just like, didn't have these expectations, and and just I was like, okay, like you know, let's just lay in bed, like we we don't even have to like bring up sex, you know, y'aker takes sex off the table for a period of time, a couple of weeks, a couple of days, a month, whatever, and then allow him to get more comfortable, you know, going through the day with you, so leading up to bedtime there's no pressure. Um, So it's tough, you know,

it's a sensitive thing for guys. Have a d M from the wind Down Podcast Instagram question for the podcast. Would love some outside advice. My husband's parents are verbally mentally abusive, and his dad threatened me last spring because they feel I'm taking their son away from them. Since him and I have started standing up to them, my husband decided he wanted to cut them off out of their life after he threatened me, so we haven't talked

to them in months. The issue now is that I'm eight weeks pregnant and my husband is really struggling with knowing his parents won't be involved in his kid's life, and it's making him very sad and I don't know how to support him. I told him previously if he ever felt he wanted to change his mind about cutting them out, as long as we are safe, I would support him and whatever he decided. That being said, I now have to think about a kid and their safety, and I do not trust his parents to be a

part of their life. How would you handle this? Wow? How and why? I just think he says, because she said be has um they had threatened and they felt like you know, he was she was taking him away from the family because they started staying because the Sun was being like, you can't talk to my wife like that psycho family. Well look, yes, but I also think some families are just very especially in the sun, like,

Lord knows what I'll be with my son. I mean, granted, not to threaten someone like that's so severe, Like that's not okay at all, um at all, And honestly, you know as I'm reading. As I was reading it, I was just starting to think, like I got really protective as a mama bear, and I'm like, no way the kid is going to be around the grandparents. But at the same time, if that's like your parents, it's that's

such a hard situation. I would probably say, like if they start to show any sign of remorse or empathy or say they're sorry, then maybe I would let them have like a visitation, not alone with the baby, but like with your husband and the baby and you there too.

And if you don't want to be there to make sure your husband like is you know, absolutely by the baby, because I totally get them, you wanting them to have a relationship too, But if they're threatening you, like you don't want any part of that, and that's not going to be healthy for any situation. And you also don't want that's just like not good. No, And I mean unless she is you know, bat ship and like really just a bad influence on him or something that we

don't know about. Why would something like someone's parents threaten them and like the fact that they're together and having a kid. For me, even if it was my parents, if they acted that way, I'll be like, f you, And the only way you're going to see your grandkids is if they do what you're saying. We're over a period of time, they show remorse, they show empathy and sincerity with them being sorry and the way they were, and maybe they can warm up to having some time.

But I would have no issue cutting out my parents if I had to, if they were acting that way. None. But that's just me. No, I mean same anything to protect because the the day it's I can handle any threat whatever, it sucks and it hurts. But when it comes to my kids, like I'm in a mama bear the crap out of them and they know nobody coming near me, near me or my kids that are going to be like that. Um, try to read one moreder

already think we're done. We're gonna go. I like this handing me an email unless you found a good DM. I mean, there's a bunch of good dms like how you're handing, like managing anxiety and right now drink works in wine and a lot of deep breaths and quiet time. Read the Handyman one buddy, Okay, they one's from Jamie, my handyman. I wanted to follow up with you about

asking questions when my husband does a project. My husband is not as handy as Mike I think, so I do ask a lot of questions and I'm totally judging l well. Also, when he does a project, I criticize how he does things because it's not how I would do it, or it's not how I envision it. How do I go about this? First of all, Jamie, I

appreciate your honesty. Second, um, so what I tell Janna, You know, if you say going into a project, he's like, oh, I want to do this, and you start to have these feelings around it or expectations, sit down and talk ahead of time and be like, hey, do you want to talk out like what your plan is with it? And I'm not trying to control the situation. I just don't want to be unfair to you where you do it and I ask questions and then I'm critical of how you do it. I'm just I just want to understand.

So like with the patio thing or the show, you know the board and all this or the board I forgot, But with the patio thing that I built, if Janna like going into it, she's like, oh, so what do you think you're gonna do? For this? I would have talked her through it. I'm like, Okay, I'm a border or two by four s and I'm gonna, you know, you soil and flatten the ground. I'm gonna put rocks. And then she could have any questions then and it wouldn't be as it wouldn't come across as critical after

because it was before I did the project. If it's after I did something, the only way that I can receive that is that is is as criticism, because in my mind, the only reason you're asking a question is because you're critical, or you're questioning it or you don't like it. If you ask the questions ahead of time, and then y'all both on the same plane for the expectations of what it's gonna be, what it's gonna look like, and how it's gonna function, then there doesn't have to

be all these questions and passiveness and criticism. And because honestly it's it's frustrating and it's emasculating, and it sucks and so and if it's something Jamie that the handiwork isn't in your realm like we talked about, you know, last episode. You know, it sucks to get criticized on something or fuel criticized on something that the other person doesn't even do. So honey, yeah, no, I agree with that for sure. I definitely agree with up. Um. I think we should end on a quarantine p s A.

I get one and you get one. I love all these little weird challenges today. Quarantine p s A. This comes to all the husbands out there, UM that are listening and just tuning in for the last one minute because your wife is going to replay this. UM. I was on a zoom call last night with some of my girlfriends. Here is your quarantine p s A. Husband's men, boyfriends,

We are not your maids. Put away your shoes, and if you're up in the playroom, please clean as you go so that we don't feel like the asshole moms that have to come and clean and make them clean up. So thank you. Have a great day. Go for it, dude. Yes, So this is my quarantine face to all you wives out there, girlfriends or significant others, to your men or partners, UM, just remember, shut up, shut up, leave me alone. No mine would be Remember that no one person's way is

the right way. Everyone does things differently and that's okay. Oh snooze, snooze. No, just because we don't think do things on your timeline or in the fashion of what you do them doesn't mean it's incorrect. So have a little have a little grace, cut us some slack, and that is your p s A quarantine from Jana and Mike. Have a good one. See you next week.