Ep. 7 Actress, Neuroscientist, Mom

obsessed with our guests that we have on today. Um, and I'm really obsessed to because Blossom Guys, Like I grew up watching that show. And she's like, she's a neuroscientist, she's an author, she's an actress, she's a mom, kick ass mom. Yeah, she's like she's everything. And Amy is obsessed with her. So that's why she's here. I'm totally obsessed with her, her brain, for her brain. Yeah, it fascinates me. Girl crushed. What was she impeating? It's right.

I'll never forget when I watched Beaches and I was in the back of my bus and I was I can't remember which tour I was on, but one of my band guys came back and he's like, are you okay? And I was like it's a good cry, bawling like and he was just like, okay, we gotta go on in like five minutes. So, like my eyes are tearing up just thinking about them. Yeah, I guess they had a remake, but I couldn't watch it. I was like, no, nothing, absolutely Beaches like number one, but I cannot. Oh my goodness,

I love that, like I love Beaches. I know it's so good and good cry. I do too. I kind of feel like a good cry. Yeah, why you I don't you know? Just I don't know. Life, it's hard. So it was just Father's Day. What did you? What did you get my Father's Day? So he got a new set of golf clubs and so he's like, babe, all I want to do is I just want He wants to perfect his golf swing because his dream, like he's his dream is for me to get on like a hit show and then he can quit his job

and then he'll be a professional golfer. That's a great train. I mean, if you like, I can't even hit the ball. I've tried. He's like, no, that's not really. He loves his job just in case any of his bosses are listening. But no, Um, he loves his job. He's just obsessed with golf and he just like his dream is to be in the p g A. And I'm like, great, I get more naptime because I just will asleep when I watch golf. It's so slow. It's slow. Yes, it's

kind of boring, but as he loves it. That's his thing, and I'm like, cool, babe, awesome, So golf lessons and um, yeah, we just had a really nice relaxing day. He played golf in the morning, so I didn't see him and it was nice and relaxing morning. And then he came back and we just hung out. He loves to cook, so we had some steak. It was good. What it was Rocco with daddy. Yes, so he was with his dad. And that was one thing, you know, he didn't give me.

He didn't take Rocco to get me a Mother's Day gift. So I know, although Rocco made me the most beautiful card and a painting at school, which I thought was even it was so special. Um, but I got him something so that Rocco could give to him. Maybe that's like a hey, hint for next year right now exactly exactly. But also my birthday is this week? What when it's one and I'm turning forty four, So I scheduled um a LiPo suction appointment? What for my birthday? That's my

birthday gift to me. It's my divorce gift and birthday gifts. Why are you getting LiPo because I think it's going to be fantastic. No, I am. I'm going to debate this with you because it's not about I mean, okay, it's all about just good eating and working out. It's not just about working out, but it's about healthy diet. I know I do have a healthy diet. Yes, yes, then and I work out. I'm just old. You will see when you end up getting in your forties. Is

it a tummy tuck? No? No, like you're actually going to do sucking out like life bye bye. You know what he said? He said, I can even if you want, I can put it in your button. And I was like, no, thank you, I'm asking you to take the fat out. I don't want it back. I wonder if that's what like that, like what amber Rose does and then those they put the fat in there. He said, everyone's doing it.

I said, I don't care. I'm asking you to take it out and get throw it out like some of the things that could happen now Like no, no, it's nothing you should do. And I think we should actually all shame her. It's not. The whole show is to not shame. Yeah, that is the whole point of the show is do not shame. But I am just advising

you as your friend. I don't I think is if you just continue to maintain a healthy diet and some exercise on top of But the diet is my trainer says, you can work out every single day, but if you're eating doesn't change you. Your body will not change. I just you know what, I'm vegan, and I'm not a crappy vegan. There's crappy vegans. I'm not that person. I um is it just waits from over because I you don't like I literally, I'm like, where are you going

to suck it out from its? We have a great I'm just getting my torso sucked out just bye bye. And it's from being older and I had a baby later in life and I'm turning forty four and it's my birthday gift to myself. I never brought my birthday and it's smart it's smart light BO. So it's not I'm not fully under it's smart light bo. Yeah, okay, I'm getting a smart light. Those section well, I mean, I will say this if it's going to it's an investment, which means look, I'll say I'll say this if that

is going to make you feel better about yourself. I don't think that's the way you should go. But if it's going to make you feel better, then you need to do what you want to do. Like my mom always said, She's like, I want to tell me talk and I'm like, Mom, put down the M and m's and then you know, fine, But you know over time again I don't. I don't when my metabolism it's I can already tell it's changing, but it is harder for

me to lose weight when I want to. But again, like if you start to eat crappy after your liposection, I'm going to be mad at you and not I won't. I promise we'll see Okay, No, I don't know, cramise, I won't. We'll see No, no, no, I mean I don't eat crappy. That's the thing. It's everything also, it's like you know, it's the genes. Just I think everything

in moderation. Again, like for me, like I always said, after I'm done with babies, like I want to get a boob job, not because I want big boobs, but because I just like I hate wearing bras and I would love to just have like a full be and just you know, that would be just be nice, a round, full be. And you know everyone's like, no, you shouldn't, you shouldn't do that, but again, it would make me happy,

So a kind of like make you happy. Well, you can't change me if you're I'm telling you, but like no, again, it's about like if that's what's going to make you feel pretty, I'm not for it. But I think there's other ways I've been doing the other ways. Let's just what You're right, there's no other way to get me a big be without you know, adding a little small something. How about you give me some of your fat? There

were good? Oh my god, I wonder if we can get a deal three because too um all right, well sorry, Amy, we're just gonna we're gonna table that is that what you wanted to Was that your Yeah, you told me that you had something you want to talk about? That was it? Like? I mean, I seriously went through It took me a week to make the decision. One week, well, another week. It took like it took a while, it really did. Is there anything else you want to do? I don't think so. No, no, So I want to

talk to you guys about care Of. I have a really difficult time picking out well. First of all, when I go to like a vitamin store, I get super overwhelmed because there's so many different vitamins and I'm like, which one's actually like I want just this, like I want just for my skin or you know, I want bone health, and I just feel like there's but then there's like so many more vitamins in there, and I'm like, wait, I don't want those. So it's like super overwhelming it is,

and the milligrams everything, it's so confusing, super confusing. But there's this amazing company called care Of. And what's great is it you take this five minute quiz. It's super easy and it's basically says, what do you want to um? Like, what do you want to improve in your health? All of it. So for me, I said, I wanted, um, something to help my skin, uh, for my bones, and then just for like just regular cognitive health. And what they do is they send you a vitamin for each

one of those. So it's very very um, it's very hand picked for you what vitamins you need for yourself. Um. And again it's great, it's it's it's so easy, it's it's a great quiz whatever you want for your diet, health goals, health goals, lifestyle choices, um. And then they send you a personalized supplement supplement recommendation and it's fantastic. The box is actually really cute too, so I put it up in my kitchen. It's got a cute little design on it, and each each Vitaminpact two has a

little message on it, a little inspirational message. So I love that. What was the message this morning? Um, well, this one this morning was a funny one. It said to use a new emoji. But the other one was like, um, it was a Theodore Roosevelt quote. Cool. So yeah, I think it's pretty great. So I want to offer it to ucuys so for off your first month of personalized care of vitamins visit take Care of dot Com and

entered Janna. That's take care of dot Com and entered Janna. Okay, so your subscription box includes individually wrapped packets with your specific vitamins and supplements for easy grab and go. That is perfect for moms, let me tell you, because big like five big bottles of itamins in your purse. It's like a cute little teeny package on the way out, throw it in your purse, which is that's incredible. Um,

thirty days supply shifted right to your door. Hell love yea, so good, so great that so you'all go to y'all go to take Care of dot Com and enter the code Jana off your first month of personalized care of vitamins. Let's get healthy. Okay, I am, I'm really, really really excited because, um, this is gonna be a fun episode because I have someone who I grew up watching and idolizing.

She is in the studio with us today, also producer Jen, and we know it's an amazing guest because producer Amy is also here with us because she has more questions than anyone. And then you guys, please welcome to the show. My m b al Hello. Also known as Blossom. That's sorry, Like I'm gonna say that you were old enough to have known that girl. No, I'm almost thirty five. Wow. Yeah, Okay. The joke is I slept in my makeup last night, so like for the first time I have like somewhat

of a glimpse of makeup on. But I just twenty years much the same age. It's good. But I'm just so excited because you you have I mean, like you have your name, and then it's like, neuroscientist, what you're so smart? After well, I'm persistent. You know, having a degree doesn't necessarily mean you're smart. It means you're persistent. But you've got that degree, which means you're smart. After Blossom, I was nineteen in Blossom ended, So I did Blossom

from fourteen to nineteen. I went to u c l A. And I did my undergraduate degree in a science and a minor in Hebrew and Jewish studies, which kept my g p A up. And then I went directly into

a PhD program at U c l A, also in neuroscience. Incredible, and you come out of that with two children in a PhD. I mean, I was telling her, I was like I feel stupid next to you because I still count like I don't even know the Times table, and you're smart enough to know that if your makeup looked like that yesterday, your best sleeping it because it looks good today. Things yesterday's eyeliner, today's smokey eye. Right, So what they say, I'm street smart, I'm just not book smart.

But I mean, like, how like you were just like, all right, I was just on the most famous TV show. Now I want to be a neuroscientist. Well it wasn't that famous, which is part of why it was seen as yeah so Blossom. Yeah, you know. But when you when you think about what TV was like then, which you may not have thought about because you were younger than I was, you know, um, the TV watching was really really different, and our show was like sometimes in the top twenty. But it was not like the love

full of success of never knowne that. We just we never nominated for anything. We never got an Emmy, We never got nominated even our writing or directing. So wedicated those syndication So actually we were, we were we had enough episodes for syndication. But you may notice that our show is not syndicated. The way the other shows from the nineties were. So you can now see it. I think Hulu picked it up. You can now watch it. But it never had the kind of run that these

other shows from the from the nineties had. Um. So the fact is like it was seen, you know, as different than like Punky Brewster, which was a kids show, but it was but it was But Blossom was really right at the time though, that was really seen as like a like a family sitcom. It wasn't like you

were considered a serious actor back then. TV was considered the lesser of the acting gigs to have, meaning, you know, the way you have like movie stars doing guest spots on TV shows now, that was not happening in the nineties. So it was seen as a good thing to kind of step away from the industry grow up a little bit.

I fell in love with science when I was on the set of Blossom, and I really wanted to be appreciated for what was in my head and not what I could offer people, you know, in terms of entertainment and money. Um, my parents were both teachers, my grandparents were immigrants, so I was raised that you go to college. So it really felt like a natural thing for me to do, and I wanted to have more of a normal life and whatever normal is, Like, I don't think

anyone's normal, but I certainly was not. Well. I think it was cool about that though, was that you were able because a lot of people like, you know, you're to me. You were on a hit show, and then you went away to college, you became a neuroscientist, and then you were able to go back into acting, which I think is fantastic because a lot of people kind of were like, no, you were typecasted as one thing like hard. But I mean now you're on another very

successful show. I mean that was really it's I mean, it's a blessed accident to have been cast in the Big Bang theory. But um, the true story is, you know, after I got my degree, Um I did. I had a toddler. I was pregnant with my second son when I took my doctorate. When I took my whole I was that lady in a doctoralhood like super pregnant. Um so,

so you were finishing your dissertation while pregnant. Well, I actually wrote my dissertation and edited it while nursing my first son, and then by the time I submitted my dissertation, I was pregnant. I defended my dissertation. Um, I defended my dissertation before I got pregnant. But then by the time you take your hood, I was Greggor's again. I mean, was it like baby like, Yeah, I guess I'm just

kind of like most pregnant women just layer out. I mean, I remember I was pregnant with my my daughter, Jolia. I was just like, I was just like, I can't do anything. I'm just there and you're like getting your neural science forgetting degree nursing. Well, I'm very, very human. I'm not superhuman. Um. But no, but I think it's it's a it's a really important point to like to realize that women, you know, we can all do it differently,

you know. And like I loved being home with my kids after I got my degree, Like I was home with my kids. I was able to be home with them because that's what I wanted to do and I felt like that's the way I wanted to raise my children, was to be with them in those years. But that's decision. I don't want to be an actress. No, I didn't even want to be a research professor. I stayed home with my kids. I taught, I tutored piano, I tutored Hebrew, I taught second. Didn't want to do anything with it.

You know what, Sometimes you want to get it great for the the experience and the potential. And the fact is I didn't know what kind of mom I'd want to be. But when that child came out of my body, I realized I want to be with him rather than with someone else's children all day while paying for childcare. And some women decide that, and there are women in my department who did that. I don't judge, went like,

I don't begrudge on that decision. But I didn't realize how much I was going to love being a parent. And sure there were times when I was bored, and there were times when I was frustrated, when I was like, why is my purpose in life to be a milk factory for this human that doesn't even seem to appreciate it? And he's always pooping on me, Like how your nipple is raw right now? Like I'm in pain. I don't sleep. I never got training for this job, and no one

pays me. And in addition, you don't get health insurance from being a mom. So that's actually what I started auditioning again, is we were running out of health insurance my my now ex hus when we were married at the time. Um, we were both in school and get to later. Um No, we were both in grad school and my insurance lapsed. He was finishing his master's thesis.

And I figured, if I can just like act literally this is a true story enough to just get basic health insurance for my family, I could still keep teaching. I was supposed to be the at home mom, so I started auditioning for things. All the casting directors were too young to even remember Blossom, and I was considered like, oh, this child actor, like thanks jacket act. So I just started auditioning for characters that had no names. It was just like girl one, like you know, chubby girl too. Um.

So I have a manager. Her name is Tiffany Kuzon. We were actually friends in high school before I was even like thinking of becoming an actress again. Later in life, we lost touch because in the days before cell phones and Facebook, you know, I finished Blossom. She went to work at U t A and then she actually took me on when I was eight months pregnant with my

second son. I had a literary project at the management firm she was at, and I got to get this message, Tiffany wants to speak to you, and I was like, wait a second. We were friends, and she took me on and I was like, if this lady believes in me eight months pregnant looking like this with no like ankle bones showing because I'm so swollen and puffy, she must really believe in me. And that's who has kind of built my career. Back up your ride or Die.

That's right, She's Ride or Die. So how many years was it before you got them Big Bang? Um? Let's see, it was probably about um. I mean it was maybe a year of just like auditioning for stuff. I did an episode of Bones, I did an episode of like Saving Grace, like just like you know, some random small things. That's huge. That well, I had never seen the Big

Bang theory. I thought it was a talk show or like a game show, because someone told me that they had mentioned me first season, so I figured it was like a quiz show. I had no idea, and Tiffany was like, why do I represent someone who doesn't even know like the most popular show on television. I didn't watch television. That's how I get so many things done, is I don't watch television watching the Kardashians like I am no. But you know that has its value as well,

but it's just not my thing. So um, I googled Jim Parsons because the audition said we want a female version of Sheldon Cooper and I was like, who's that? Google it and I was like, oh, I know people like this. I'm like this, so this is And I was brought on for one episode the season finale of season three and brought back as a regular. Melissa Rause, who plays Bernadett, she had a similar thing. She was brought on in season three, and we were both made

regulars in season four and then we just finished eleven. Wow. I was a pumping working mom. I was still pumping um every break for like the first year I was on Big Bang Theory. So I would hang my little sign on door, you know, woman at work? Can you hear exactly? You would hear the cow the cow factory.

That's really like, that's such a great story because it feels like it'd be so hard again because you were a child actor and now again like, you've you've done everything you've wanted to do, So what's a lot of things I want to do? I'm like, what's what is that done? Um? Well, I mean there's a lot of

things I want to do. You know. I have a website called grack Nation, which we've kind of expanded out to sort of be the miryambiolic version of Goop as it were, meaning, um, you know, what if you focused on sustainable design choices and sustainable thinking and sustainable living. Um, what if your emphasis on understanding the news was to come from a place of empathy or what if the emphasis was on like what can you do to change your little corner of the world. That's what we say.

So I spent a lot of my time on grack Nation. Um. We have an editor in chief. Her names Christina Kelly, and she came from Sassy Magazine, which I used to I know, I know that for me to check out grack nation dot com because christ nic Kelly, who was you know, she was one of the editors and she ended up working with Jane and she worked at you know why am all these things? She is She's our editor in chief and so we're creating a combination of like sassy magazine meets like real Simple meets like a

holistic parentsing kind of place. So I spent a lot of my time working on the website. I also have a YouTube channel. Um we just hit four hundred thousand subscribers, which is very small in comparison to all these big YouTubers. But um, I produce a lot of material about a lot of the stuff we're talking about. You know, how did I decide when to have children? And why? What's it like being a divorced mom? Why am I a religious person who also believes in evolution? What's that like?

You know? So making these videos has been a way to share a bigger part of myself. Um. And it's something that you know, is I don't mean to say like it's my passion project, but its literally something I feel passionately about that I you knows, as we were talking about, it doesn't really make a lot of money, but it's something that I believe in putting out into a world that is consuming information in a way that none of us dreamed of when we were kids or teenagers. Um,

I write, you know, I just boing. I just released Bowing Up, which Bowing up. Yeah, your fourth, just for so many questions about us. She's a mom to a boy. Yes, yes, I have a six year old. That's a year Oh yeah, so much fun. Oh yeah, I am waiting for my PhD in civil engineering to arrive in the mail. From all of the legos, I've felt like, I'm sure you're pretty much an expert because when my boys were that age. Oh, I mean, my favorite thing to do, just because this

is my personality. We organized the lego by type. What does that mean? By color? There are several ways to do it. You can do it by color and by type like they do in the Lego store. But what we do is it was just it was out of control and I needed to take control. So we have we have a little kind of like a little dresser

that we keep all our legoing. So I keep all of the standard sized pieces in one and all of the unusual sized pieces, and then I have separated bodies by a type, like so you can have like you can mix and I know it's so much fun. And then wheels are separation. Yes, it's super fun. Can you come over to my house because I still we will make that YouTube video of me organizing your lego. There's nothing I love more than organizing. I'm a Laurel Canyon,

Canyon perfect. Next Monday, makeup and drink a martini in the background. I promised to post a picture of Rocco's lego disaster because my legos look nothing like that. Right. I'm terrified to have a boy because my husband, I mean, when I was pregnant with Jolie, he got like he's he is a grown man. He's thirty one years old, and he gets he buys legos and my people it's okay, but I don't. I'm like, babe, like, why are you building a star trek lego thing? And because he can?

But why because we don't have you just started to be don't ask. Just just accept him the way he is. There's plenty of people who understanding just sitting there, pieces everywhere, and I'm just like, no, you can contend. No, no, you need to contain it. There are boundaries we can put need the boundary. Um, he likes Yeah, but he's like a lego geek, yes, and does he like dungeons and dragons? No? Did I lose you? I was gonna make I was gonna make enough friend. I mean maybe

I don't know. Maybe in his weird like Lego world he likes sdungeons and dragons to be grateful for a moment that he likes to build legos because that means you don't have correct if you love a boy, Oh good, thank you. Some girls like to build too. Let's just put it out there. I did into loving the lease medotato of when I opened the bottle of wine, and then I couldn't Friday night. You know, eight thousand pieces?

Oh see that, I get overwhelmed and I get pissed, and then I'm just like, I'm like, I don't understand where does this piece go? And then he's that's what the diagram is for. Its confusing. I have a silver Lego for my small brain, like I am the Lego mom. It's a little silver Lego block on a on a silver chain. Do you drink wine? I do. I drink other things as well. Wine past a certain age gives

some people headaches. I'm one of those people, because clearly evolution is like, we don't need you anymore, Like we don't need you to be attractive. We're gonna make like weird skin gather weird ways We're gonna put like dark spots on your face. Your breasts will never be at attention anymore. And also you can't go on roller coasters or drink wine without getting a headache. Is that not

what it's like being a humans? Also, if you sprain your ankle, you will be out of commission for eight months. For you just you turned and all of a sudden for three d You're like, how old are you? Don't you laugh? But something? Also your eyes will go like you don't need to see anymore. You have already given us your eggs were done. We're done. You don't need to read anything or go anywhere or see a menu.

We're going to break and I really want to talk about the F word when we come back, not that one, not the same fame. Okay, I was gonna well, never mind, my um love you, but I gotta take a break, baby for just one second to tell you about what my husband is obsessed with and also me. But you know, my husband does most of the cooking in the household, and he's obsessed with Hella fresh groceries get delivered to the door, Go online, you pick out the meals you want.

How many meals a week you want. It's fantastic because there's no extra groceries and produce second way bad exactly. And that's what I love about it because there's no ways you get exactly what you need. And for me, because I'm I'm just not good at new recipes, but I want to learn. How do you know things? And you don't have to come up with the idea I know, and it's just appears and it's like and here's you know this, these are the ingredients and this stu to

put in and I'm like, wow, this is fantastic. And my husband's actually remade some of them on his own because he knows, like he loves them so much. So I'm a huge advocate for Hello Fresh and I think they're fantastic. And again, you know, it's great for my my daughter too. She loves she loves the meals and it's great because it's fuss free and it's just makes dinner so easy. It's thirty minutes, I mean, and it's fresh. It's fresh fresh, And there's vegetarian boxes. There's which one

do you guys get? There's classic family and vegetarian and we we do the classic family. Cool. Yeah, what kind of like, what's your favorite what has been your favorite meal? I love the balsamic burger, and my husband loves the pineapple chicken with the rice and the green beans. But Julie Jolie likes mac and cheese. But yeah, but she really really liked the jasmine rice that was with the

pineapple chicken meal. Jasmine rice. That sounds really good. Which, um, all the ingredients come pre measured in handy labeled meal cats. It's so easy for thirty dollars off your first week of Hello Fresh, visit Hello Fresh dot com slash cramer thirty and enter cramer thirty. That's Hello Fresh dot com slash Cramer thirty and enter cramer. Also, you know what's really great about this, there's a ton of one pot recipes that way less clean up. It's like one pot.

You're cooking everything in one pot. Oh I didn't know that. Oh that's great. I thought it was like a one pot like for the one Lonely one lonely divorced. No one pot. But I think maybe I don't know if there is just for one, but that would be kind of great for my one Wednesday. I might get one day. You guys, that's thirty dollars off your first week of Hello Fresh. Visit Hello Fresh dot com slash Cramer thirty and to Cramer thirty. Well then okay, girls, here I

will I will bring legos. No here, no time out, y'all bring the legos and I'm gonna bringing it. Ay. That's what happen in what's the word fame? What is it like? How have you navigated? She navigated the back uh, the back entrance of the extradited passport. I didn't even ask for that. You know, there's that song, um, I took a pill in a visa and it is about fame, and I always like, I didn't take a pill in

a visa. Um, But you know, there are things in that song that I talked about with my boys, because he says, you don't want to be high like this right like, and you don't want to be stuck up on that stage saying all I know is sad songs. And I was like, oh, like, it gives me chills, because, um, there are certain things that are amazing about fame, and no one wants to hear famous people be like, oh man,

that is so hard. But there are aspects to the loneliness you feel when everybody loves you, but you're still a human. And I remember when I saw like the Lady Gaga documentary that was it was super tough, but there was something she said that struck me. So she said, like everybody loves you, and you hang out with them

all the day, like you know, and everything's right. But she said, then everybody goes home, you know, and like and at this point in her life she's like, and I'm alone, like, you know, and even if you have someone to love, you know, there's that sense of being human, you know, that touches all of us. So like when my dad died three years ago, like that was still think you that was still my dad dying and having that experience as a human. Fame doesn't protect you from

being human, you know. It adds all these layers that are really interesting. But when you have kids, that's like a whole other conversation, you know, Like my older son especially, like why can't I be on your Instagram page? All my friends are on their mom's Instagram. It's like, because

you can't. That's why. Because you didn't choose this life, and there are consequences of this life that you don't think about you don't get to play as freely at the park because if I have to wonder that people know what your face looks like, you know, you don't want to scare them. But fame also comes with like all these decisions about like security and blah blah blah. You know, where you live, you have to do, you have to be when you're traveling different. Yeah, it's different,

and it's and it's a scary world. And I don't mean to like make people scared or make my children scared, but yeah, fame, Fame provides people access to your life, um that you can't take back, you know. And part of my decision to to to work on crack Nation and to have this YouTube channel is the notion that I'm going to kind of suspend a lot of that fear in the belief that I can provide something that might be entertaining or interesting or helpful to someone you know,

and also inspiring and helping the new generation. Right, And like I can show you all the ways that I cut an avocado, and that might get a million hits, um, but that's not That's not what I'm interested in, you know. I'm interested in talking about issues that are important that make people think and that start conversations. And you know in the research that that my team does you know that that might well know he's sitting right there, um that that. But there's there's research that has to be

done about what do people want? What do people want from you and from your people don't right, and they don't need to see you know, my like morning toothbrush like routine, but like to see parts of me that are that are hard to share is not something that we do for ratings, right, It's something like it's trying to make the world smaller in healthy ways, you know, using the internet to connect in ways that that don't make fame. This kind of like isolating burden you because

I don't want it to be. I don't want to live my life like that. Life is with people, you know, but it has its parks too. Yeah, Well, like the passport expositing thing, I didn't know there's a thing. But also I think they were concerned that not that I would start a riot in the federal building, you know, but like there's a lot of people and like it

could be distracting, absolutely if that became a thing. But I still like I go out, I mean, you know, being an unadorned woman when you choose to be actually has its perks, you know, like there are ways to be more recognizable, there are ways to be less recognizable. I happened to be in full hair and makeup when I went to the Federal Building because I had a day of publicity and I literally was like squeezing it in between three interviews. So my kids aren't used to

be looking like that. I mean while I walk into the Federal Building like you know, in my like crappy espadrils and like a crappy T shirt. But with full hair and makeup, you're more recognizable that way for sure, and yours were very thrilled the Federal Building. Is it harder to date? Um? Yes, I mean some would say it's impossible the date unless you use like one of these sites like Rya or whatever. Um is that how

you met your No? No, I'm friends with eliza'schlessinger, who did you know, very publicly meet her her wonderful husband on Riya. And the funny story about that is that I tried to get on Riya and they wouldn't answer my emails. What my publicist email? So the way you get people there. Don't don't don't because I like there's something on there, like why is this person? Are you not happen? I will take that straight to my therapist, but like, why would they have all these people? But

we literally my publicist email twice. I email. We never got a response back, and I was like, Okay, I guess I won't do that. Have got to be kidding and I feel like, well, we probably need to reach out and do something with them, But yeah, I have. I actually just wrote a script for my YouTube channel about I did try online dating and it was hilarious.

BIA is basically celebrities. It's a celebrity dating site, so you have to have the blue check mark and you have to have so many followers in ye, but they also verify you if you have a very large bank account, and there's a certain with all due respect to all kinds of people in the industry, there's a certain kind of woman in particular and man that they want on that site, of course, raise the profile of their site. It's fascinating. But I tried using a different um online

dating service. It was it was not that I did. I did, Okay, keep it and someone was like, why are you using Jenna Gramer's photo, and I'm like, it

is a little awkward. There's also there's a I think there's a Jewish online dating site called saw You at Sinai because the notion is that the mystical notion is that all of the Jewish people stood at the base amount sign I win the ten Commandments were handed down, which is just like a cool mystic, but a notion that someone was like, that's the name, like saw you at Sinai? It's a Dorb's and him where did you meet them? I don't. I don't tell about how I

met him. Was it romantic? Um? It was romantic in like a start of a poor no script kind of way. I like it. He's a carpenter. He's a carpenter anyway, So I don't. I haven't ever, you know, talked more about it. But but I've been divorced for it will be six years is great, so sometimes, you know, So I've I've heard about this from from married friends of mine, and especially from from women who who got married young and not didn't necessarily get to do the things that

they wanted to. And with the much needed progress of the women's movement, which is progressing every day. Still, you know, we're still learning new ways to assert our needs and our desires. I do hear this from some friends of mine, like what's it like? You know, what's it like to be alone in your home and get to do whatever you need to do with no one interrupting? You know, Um,

it's a very strange sense of independence. And you know, my ex husband we were married when we were together almost fifteen years and we were married for almost ten of them. And you know, my ex husband is the at home dad. You know, I'm the working parent, which is what it was like when we were married. But um, you know, he homeschools our boys, like he gives his life for them. It's really it's really incredible. But you know,

our lives are very different. Like we're we're with our kids a lot, and um, you know when your homeschool, they're kind of around a lot. But um, you know, we've both kind of learned new ways to to exercise things about ourselves that that weren't exercised, you know, and didn't work. Um, there were a lot of things. And you know, it's not something I have talked about and probably may not plan to unless I read a book

about it, which might happen. Um, but five million. But also I mean I think that, you know, I think that we were friends before we started dating. We were friends for a year and a half, and right now it does feel like we're best friends raising kids together because even though we've been divorced for six years, like we are still we're still responsible for them together, and

that's amazing. That's the dream. Yeah, I mean, but and again and it right, but it comes with also this like other life that you get to have, you know. And my son said to me the other day, he was like, Wema, remember when we used to travel all the time. We used to all get on an airplane and go to New York. I missed those days. I was like, oh, yeah, we we can't do that. We are taking a divorced family trip to Israel next week, which is how long are you do? Um, we're going

for ten days. My kids have been before, but my older son's going to be bitsfod here in September, and we wanted to like my X and I are taking our mom's and we want that picture of like we went to Israel for man friend and I went three months ago to Israel, Like, so this is not a trip for um, no girlfriend. I won't speak to that because he gets to have his privacy, Like I wouldn't violate his privacy. But I know that, like what I most want is for him to be happy. And I

never like knew I could feel that so deeply, you know. Um, and yeah, and there's not you know obviously, like all sorts of gossipy places have things to say about like you know, oh it must be because they slept with their kids in their bed. It's like no, plenty of people you know, share sleep with their kids and don't get divorced. Like it's not really you know, the business of the gossip universe and and you know, and everything that I've said, you know about our marriage, and you

know on grack nation and on YouTube. Um, those are things that he approves. He approves every post, every video that is even vaguely about him or the boys. We made the decision to have them on the cover together. And if he would have said, you know what, I don't want them on the cover, I would have respected that. But I think that's great that you guys are working together like that. We're told that we're the most amazing divorced couple of people now, like it's kind of crazy.

I think that's great. My situation is a little different. I have to say. Yeah, I hope in five years it gets to that place definitely. And I'm not saying it's all like like there are a lot of times that I'm frustrated. He clearly like there's a lot about my energy that annoyed him when we were married. It still annoys him. You know, there's a lot about his personality, like you know, but it's but again, it's like we're just humans. Like we're humans and there's no dress, like

this is the dress rehearsal. This is our kid's life. They get it once they get one opportunity to learn how to speak about other people and to learn how to like work through adversity and to be heard, you know, like yeah, and like when my sons saying like I missed blah blah blah. Yeah I missed that too, you know, I missed data. It's hard. Yeah, it's hard. Did you ever consider staying together for them? Not that I think

that's the right thing. Yeah, I mean, like you know, it's like Louis Kay says, like, no, happy couple gets divorced. You know, don't be sad when people get divorced. It's like that's that's because they've tried everything in their experience UM and those things didn't work. And you know a lot of people, like the celebrities, they just think it's like, no, we're people. We did all the things. We went to there,

like we do all those things. We went to therapy through our divorce, which is really interesting and I think it's really probably really helpful. It was very help It was very helpful. We still speak to a family therapist UM, sometimes together, sometimes separate if things come up, because we need that support. It's not that like, oh we're so rich we afford it. No, like we we seek out support even from you know, people that do it, meaning

from people who have been through it. It's so important to find what worked for other people and then to adjust it to make you know what works for you. I find that people when I say, oh, no, I'm getting divorced, they'll say, oh, I'm so sorry, and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no no, I'm so happy. Exactly right, okay, Amy, Sorry, She's like she needs this is where I sitting on my lap, right now, everyone's straddling me, and her nose is like a centimeter from my nose. This is what

I want to sort of understand. I don't even know if I'm gonna be able to ask it right, and hopefully you can help me through it. Just so you guys know, Amy is really smart and super mar and I think it's my downfall because I try to like overthink everything, Like I spend a lot of time googling how to stop overthinking, like so then I you should google how to stop googling things. And I spend two hours reading about how to not think, how to think

myself out of thinking right. And I think that's I mean, part of the works, part of the you know, blessing of having an active mind, um is that we want to work through everything and we want to believe there's

a solution to everything. And I think one of the things that I've gained with you know, experience and hopefully maturity, which I'm a very immature person, you know, Like I still think burping is funny, um as I'm doing it literally right now and I'm trying no, But I think one of the things I've learned is that, um, there are certain things that cannot be figured out by the

power of my brain. And what it is. What it is a lot of times is that we want to control something because it feels so unpleasant to not be able to and that's the thing that we try and do. And it can ruin relationships. It can ruin your relationship with your kids. It was really hard on my relationship with my parents. And it wasn't until my dad was dying that I was like, oh, I best figure this

out in these three years. Right now. I figured out that sometimes you have to The expression is like let go and let God, you know, no, But the fact for me as a person of faith, like I actually do resonant and it doesn't have to be a religious or a Judeo Christian or a patriarchal faith. But the notion that there are things we can't explain and sometimes they have an organic existence that is beyond our need

to control them that can be really empowering. You know, a lot of people feel like, oh, surrenders a sign of weakness. For me, surrenders a sign of strength, because it's literally like, that's the point that that's why people structured religion the way we did, because like I can't hold this, I can't think my way out of my pain. Sometimes you just have to feel your feelings and like

that's that's therapy. And that's what we were told with the divorce and particular, when your children are crying for their father, don't have them make a card for him, don't have them watch a movie, don't give them a snack, because that's setting them up for a lifetime of eating. What I was told to do is say, yes, it hurts, it's sad. Can I hold you? That's it? And it's so hard because I want to be like, oh, here's the key chain I'll make you that makes you not

miss your father, and like, oh, wait a second. They miss him because they're human, and if I try and interrupt it, it teaches them to substitute. It teaches them like, oh, is there a drink that makes it better? Is there a pill that makes it better? Is there a TV show that makes it better? Is there a food that makes it? Oh? You so badly want to feed them

when they're sad. Oh you do, But that's messed up because when I'm sad, it's really important message because I do that to them, and that's why sometimes I drink wine. I'm like, this is my ing it. That's that's we all self medicating in some way. It's either TV or or its video games, or it's sacks or it's or

it's flirting. You know. Some men to some some women really love like that energy of like he wants me, and I'm like, I don't think, oh maybe he does, like oh you're that woman, right, everybody's got their things. She's smart and she's sexy. I might be that because like even today, I'm like I want to text him so bad, and so I'm just like I want to not text so that I'm not like an addict. It feels addict. Well, you're that's a love addiction, which I

cannot wait to talk about at some point. But oh, it's going to be so juicy. Sea gives me that like, yeah, that hits or very good smart, don't say that. No, it's feeding your endorphins every single time you because that's your hit that you're trying to get back. You need it. Yeah,

And it's like yeah, and that's love addiction. What I learned because I'm a love addict things is that hit doesn't last because that will last a week last like a couple hours doesn't last, and then themes just a second, it's so bad. And then the other thing I learned I'd love to hear you talk about when she's still sitting in her lap, you're inviting me back. I think you're inviting me back her because you're smart and spiritual and emotional, which you don't usually get all that. I'm

the whole package. Would you like a room women women, and don't don't touch me? There? You can be on my lap, but don't touch I. Men tend to say like everything would be great if he only would do the Yeah, that's called the heaths, and that's like literally

the worst thing you can do. Okay, Well, well, I mean honestly, that's that's a that's a symptom of any addiction or any codependency, like and there's science behind this that like I would be okay if you know, and a lot of these things are you know, codependency is kind of like you know, it's this term like, oh, I'm codependent, But the truth is that codependency, by definition, if you take the quizzes online, you know, codependency by definition is I'm only okay if you're okay, or meaning

if like, if you're doing what I want you to do, like that's okay, and that I mean honestly, that's the root of what drives a lot of people to drink, to use drugs, to use sex, because the idea is I don't like what it feels like to not have that. So people say, like for people who are alcoholic, right, um, the problem is not drinking. The problem is sobriety. Like, people don't like what it feels like to be sober, so they drink. So people don't like what it feels

like to be alone, so they keep pursuing people. People don't like what it feels like to have to live as a human, so we take drugs. You know, I mean, whatever it is, I think a lot of women and I'm sure men, but I can only speak for women like text there significant other whatever they text. But I've learned what I'm really saying is like, am I okay? Ye? Make me happy? Am I good enough? Am I okay? Yeah?

We need also need a whole episode on codependency and love addiction, because yes, and part of it is how we're raised. I was raised. I mean, my mom was a very old fashioned you know. She was born in

the forties, very old fashioned. I was raised that the way you please a man is to cook for him, to iron his handkerchiefs, to make sure every like food's on the table, don't disturb and when he gets home, like my dad, my dad was a public school teacher, um, and he would come home and it was like, do not speak to your father for the next ninety minutes.

He needs to lay down and relax. And it's like, but mom, you've been scrubbing toilets all day and teaching, making us breakfast and lunch, and now you're going to make dinner and he needs a nap. You need a nap. Yeah, So I don't marriage. That's the thing. Like we're programmed like that. And people are like, oh, women's movement, we still got a long way to go forget about like

me too and all this which is so important. There are basics in our home of how we think about like I still want to approval from my ex husband about like what I'm gonna wear to our kids photo exhibits up bringing your childhood try And then we ended up dressing like twins. Accidentally. I'm like, this is awkward. My ex husband and I were twins at the photo exhibit, and I had to say in a man friend, I'm like, we didn't plan this. My ex husband and I are twins.

We didn't plan it. I think great. All three of you address the same serious Okay, I seriously want you back because I think you're fantastic. But in the meantime, where can our listeners find you? Our listeners can find me. Let's see at grap nation dot com. I miss my Oh sorry, g r okay Nation. To grack means to understand something super, super deeply and intimately so that it

becomes part of you. When you say that, all I think of this sassy, Oh well you should so, yes, grap Nation, I miss my um on all my, what's it called social media? Everything? You have your right if you have if you have a boy or we're a boy, but especially if you have a boy or want to understand men. This is the process by which boys become men, and it actually informs a lot of adult male behavior as well. And if you have a girl growing up?

Was its companion um that I wrote a year ago, And that's also about the process of you know, it's the psychology and the sociology of being female, and then I did basically the same for boys, with an emphasis on the mixed messages girls get in our culture for growing up um and then for bowing up the mixed messages the boys get like be aggressive, not too aggressive, you know it would be nice, not too nice. Be sweet not too sweet, you know, like musical theater but

not too much. Don't cry, don't cry or cry? You right right? I love it. Well, thank you so much, thank you an interesting group of women, really really really nice. Dude. She's awesome. I love her. If she really comes over and organizes my my eight five thousand million legos that are in five different areas of the house, it is a game changer. My life will be changed. I want to see four. She seems like she would. I think she seemed like she was just like, hey, Amy, what,

I'm sorry. I just feel like I made me so happy. I think she liked I know. I want to drink Scotch with her. You're like that girl that's like, oh my god, the popular girl like I'm gonna be fried my hair? Can we get Drew barrymore in next? She is on my friend list, and he's like, Okay, but she was curious. I just love how honest she is about struggles, which is great because she's not like, oh yeah, Thames,

it's like Sames. Great. She's she keeps it real, which I love, but she also keeps she keeps enough of a wall to still be relatable. That makes absolutely She's so authentic. She's so authentic. She's so cool, you know, I was. There's something that she said though that made me question what I've been doing because my daughter is everywhere on Instagram. And she said that you know she does an Instagram or boys, because that's not the life

that they chose. And I'm just like, wow, that really start a chord with me, because I will I'll never forget this. We were at Disneyland or no disney World and someone went up to Joe Ling goes, Jolie, can I have a picture with you? Did not even ask for a picture with me, Like I went to get into picture. No, no, just with Jolie and that's scary, And I was like, I don't like that. But but it's my fault because I've put her up on Instagram so much, but I've just wanted to like share motherhood

and her But she didn't. She didn't ask to be on my Instagram, she didn't ask to be all over my social So now I'm just like, am I doing something wrong? I don't think so, because I do it as well. Although I'm not famous, so it's very different. You're famous in a like, like a different way. I'm famous in my family. You're like, it's like they asked you like a million questions about Ryan Seacrest in Detroit. I'm famous, yeah, because I'm from Detroit. You know that

we're from Michigan. Oh yeah, I know, it's weird. It's air. But no, but so so you do the same thing. No, I mean, he's all over my Instagram. And the only thing I'm very careful about is I never post a location with his picture or something that is recognizable, because I don't do that either. But I mean, it was

very clear that we were at Disney World, you know. Yeah, it's just you know, it's it's scary and in my daytime TV talk days when I worked at one of those big shows that I used to have these guests on and people would write it, I'm not going to say a doctor. It's a it was a doctor. And anyways, there's only one, so it's fine as well, just say bill, okay.

I remember there's this one story that stood out. Um, somebody wrote in that she found a website and a Facebook page where somebody had stolen all of her family pictures and she was catfishing people and pretending to have this family with these children, and that freaks me the f out. Someone someone did a pay age for Jolie and I immediately sent it to my manager, Catherine. I

was like, to have them take this down. She's like, well, I mean it's kind of one of those things where it's like these photos are public, click they can do somehow hover they want to shut down. But still, I mean someone else could. So it's like, yeah, that's just scary. It's scary. But I don't know what the balance is because I love sharing Jolie. I know she's so cute. I mean her like dance recital, Like I loved every moment of that, like sharing that with people. So I

don't know. I guess I just again like location thing, which I don't do. But still, it's just but it's just a very interesting. When she said that, that made me kind of go, oh, you can always start. I have a friend who is is a huge folloween. He's a radio radio personality. He's a dad, his entire um fatherhood. Of his daughters, he's always put something over their face or made their hair cover their face, or put in emoji over their face. I don't want to do that.

I know. I'm just saying, you have options, but again, like I love it because she's so darn cute. So you know what I will say this. I was watching Regis and not Regis and Kelly's Louise Kelly and Ryan Sorry, and Kelly Rippa said that her daughter Lola Um. She was like, you cannot post my prom picture on Instagram. And so I think when Julie comes to the age where she says, mom, I don't want you doing this, or I'll even ask her like is it okay? Like if I post this photo like I want her to have,

then she can make she can make a say. But until that, sorry, girl, you're getting plastered all my stuff. I get the most likes when you're in it, right, Puppies and babies, puppies and babies, Like I mean again, I just I want to share that. But when she gets that age where she says, Mommy, I don't want you to do that. I'll not do it. But then I just I love Kelly's relationship with Lola. I'm like, oh man, that's gonna be me, and it's gonna be

me and Julie just going at it. You are going to yeah, speaking of like you just have a different relationship with girls and you do sons like daughters and you do sons. Sons are very um just I mean, I mean they're just mostly mama's like Mama boys, Mama's boy. What is it Mama's boys, Mama boy, mama by mama's boys.

What did you take the most from mine? I love how grounded she is in how she walks through life, Like her journey is so balanced with cognitive you know her, like the way she weirdness, the way she thinks she's scientific yet spiritual. Um, she just seems so grounded in the way she makes decisions and walks through life. And I love that. Um. I could really resonate with everything she was saying, because I try and be that. I try and be a rooted tree that just sways in

the wind. But were you kind of upset about not upset but envious of the relationship that she has with her. I'm not envious, but I'm I'm just fascinated by it, like how they can be like so close because I think you guys are just too new. I think it's too new, and I don't. I mean, I was like when I was thinking about it, I was like, I don't. I don't want to be maybe like not not now it's I think it's too fresh. But yeah, and I

think Amy. What Amy mostly got out of it was the fact that she's not going to text her man friend, right, She's going to let that one she has a new ve. Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Okay, so let's talk about brushing your teeth everybody. The truth is most of us are brushing our teeth wrong. And I I knew that. You. I know that you have to brush your teeth for two minutes, but I never do. I never do either. I try and sing the alphabet in my head three times, like did you

give you trying to go really fast? Yes, but two minutes is actually a long time. It's I mean, that's a super long time. Yeah. So I like the fact that this toothbrush holds me accountable for brushing my teeth for two minutes. Um, it's really cute. It comes in rose gold. It was also Oprah's favorite favorite things, which I which if Oprah says she loves it, then I love it. Well. She jumps, I jump whatever whatever she

does whenever she's brush with that. So UM, I think it's fantastic Quip as an electric toothbrush that's a fraction of the cost of bulk your toothbrushes while still packing just the right amount of vibrations to help clean your teeth. And I love clean teeth. So Dennis recommended two minutes amazing pulses. Um. The Equip subscription plans are for your health, not just convenience. They deliver new brush heads on a

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hygienic travel wherever you take your teeth, so it's super easy. Again, it's super small too, so it's just super convenient. Um Quip starts at just twenty five dollars and if you go to quip get quip dot com, which is g E T q U I P dot com slash Jana right now, you'll get your first refill pack free with Equip Electric toothbrush. That's your first refill pack free at get quip dot com slash Jana. So next week, by the way, I love today's show. I hope everyone liked

it and laughed as much as we did. But next week is going to be a very um important episode for me and um Jenny, you don't even know that. I don't even I have no idea there's I don't believe I'm going to have to wait a whole week. It's so unfair. Well, I told, I told Jen and Amy the producers. I said, there's something that I need to share and I it's a very big announcement and I want to do it on the podcast. So next week, guys, listen up because I want to share it with y'all.

So I cannot wait, you're gonna have to wait. I know it's torture. Yeah, I'm going to be time to you. I'm gonna be like, what is tell me. I'm the worst secret keeper of other people's secrets, but like with mine, I'm like, nope, not telling you, but no, I'm really excited to share uh, to share this with you guys. Um, but I just uh oh, she's excited. That means it's good. Um. Yeah, okay, I don't know, we'll see awesome. All right, that's it. Foo