Ep. 26 Sunscreen Lessons

Because that's my thing? Okay, Rocco did ask. He said, can you please be something different this year? You're always a witch and every other parent is something different? And I was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This is my day, Rocker, this is who I am. Accepted. This is the one day year I get to come out of hocus Pocus and be a witch. And be a witch. By the way, that movie is so good. We watched it. Do you have any nostalgic movies you watch? Practice Magic is my

very favorite. It's my favorite. You have to watch it at night. We need to watch it. You know where we are. We are full on Christmas before Thanksgiving? Are you a Callmark Channel all like, well every day, all night. So what we're doing, yes and no. But what we're doing is because the baby is coming fast and furious. Yes, I want the entire house set up for for Christmas. I love now. So we're we're setting up the house

this weekend for Christmas. That's incredible. Yeah, it's going to be it's gonna be a Thanksgiving Christmas, but it'll probably be in the hospital either before Thanksgiving after I don't know. We don't know yet. Waits and Thanksgiving is this month, well closer than that, it's like two weeks away. That just made me really nervous. Are we doing this podcast

from the hospital? That's what I had to figure out because so we have a c section scheduled, but I have a feeling it's going to be the week before, so it's going to be most likely before Thanksgiving. That's so nice though, then you can relax a Thanksgiving. But there's a chance that it might not work what he's like wanting to do to help me to get into labor, so and then if not, then it would be a couple of days after Thanksgiving. So I don't know. So I'm like, how do we how do we plan the

how do we plan a live podcast? And we don't know if, if and when where what my water is gonna break? But we just have to go with flow. Turn my voice memo on. Maybe you should have thought of all this stuff before you told us weekly we were doing a live podcast, Dad, So we are doing that. It's happening. What we'll just have to do a voice memo in case we can't get there with the setup. It'll be we'll do it. Okay, I live right down the street from that place. Okay, So we were just

on Access Live today talking about relationships. Yeah, no one told me so I didn't get to watch it. It's okay. Oh I'm sorry. I'm just kiddy. Yeah, I know, I'm sorry. It was on and we talked about relationships and Michael So we had we had Leslie Gustafson on the show, Uh what like a two months ago. She's great. Yeah, she's awesome, she doesn't intimacy box and we just loved her so much and Access was doing this fallback and love kind of. Yeah, so we went on the show,

but Michael he was kind of thrown off for a minute. Okay, well, yeah, can you guys give us a recap a little bit for people that didn't see it of what you guys talked about. Yeah, we just well are The plan was the producer was telling us that we're gonna go on. It's gonna be really easy for you, you know, for you and Jana. You guys are just kinda kind of sit there answers from questions. We're going to kind of go off Leslie and ask her some topics and then

go to you guys and how you're doing that. And it just turned into Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike. So, Mike, you cheating on Janna? Tell us about this, oh so Mike, this and that, Like how are you guys doing this? I was like, okay, let's do it. But he, I tell you what, man, he didn't flinch, he didn't stutter. He went I was when I got done, I'm so proud of you. Than he did so good. He was so confident. And yeah, even then, there were some questions

that they asked about. I mean, you know, you cheat on Janna and she was pregnant the least child. How did you get through that? And I was just like, damn did it make you feelings? But I mean that's her job to bring up questions, But did it make you feel uncomfortable? It did for It made me uncomfortable for him because I don't think he was prepared for

them too. But I've been in that world before. You know, this is you know, we're coming out together, as you know, doing our speaking stuff, and this is the kind of our one of our first things that we did together. So I almost warned him to like, Hey, they're going to probably ask things that we said that not to ask, but they're gonna They're gonna do it anyways, because that's what they do. That's their jobs, which kind of comes

with the territory, you know. And again, I'm still learning this whole entertainment world and these shows and podcast and all that stuff. So Jane has kind of coached me up enough to prepare for that kind of stuff. So I think, like Janna said, she was uncomfortable until I reacted the way I did, you know what I mean, Like she, I think once she realized I could handle it, She's like, okay, she could breathe. God, Okay, he's not

going to punch anybody right now. But I'm really excited because Leslie obviously we just had a segment with her, but she's going to be on air with us, so let's go bring her in. Yeah, let's do it. And I also mentioned that she's a kappa. Just gonna leave that there, okay before she comes in though, Um, before she comes in, Michael, what's for dinner, babe? Well, we're starting to stack up on our hell of Fresh boxes?

You know that, right? I know I noticed that. Usually it's you getting boxes at the door, but this time it's me. You know, this hell of freshes because I don't want to be running out to the store when the baby's here and daddy's got a cook for the family. And you mean, like last night when I said, I'm I'm craving melons at ten o'clock at night. Yeah, at ten o'clock at night, did you he did? Because I only have a few more weeks left of him being able to do that, and I've never I haven't had

you do that yet, No, you really haven't. No, So that was my one. But I'm gonna keep doing it. But I'm really excited about the Hell of Fresh because once the baby comes, I mean, we're going to be We're gonna be relying on it. Yeah, because it takes it takes care of our grocery shopping everything. There's gonna be no wasted stuff and no wasting ingredients. It's pre measured, it's it's everything's right there for you don't take longer

than forty minutes. That's between prep time and cooked time. It's been great for us. You know, the recipes are always fantastic. So yeah, so Hello First has been great meal deliver We kit brings everything to your door, the ingredients, to plans, everything that you need, the time it takes, the preparation and very good detail. Has pictures to go along with it. For special learners like myself and Ja. Well, no, it doesn't takes thirty minutes to cook. It takes Michael

thirty minutes to cook. It takes about an hour to cook because I'm still like Peel the line, I'm not the cook in the world, and like Alexa, what does what does this mean? So um for a total of sixty dollars off, that's twenty dollars off your first three boxes, visit Hello Fresh dot com, slash Cramer sixty and enter Cramer sixty again. That's sixty dollars off. That's twenty dollars off your first three boxes. Visit Hello Fresh dot com,

slash Cramer sixty and enter Cramer sixty dinner prepared. Okay, I'm so excited. Leslie's in the studio, Leslie. Leslie and are in the studio. Her love husband also in the room. Oh I love this, um So, Leslie. I was just kind of catching them up and letting them know that we did Access Live this morning. We did. It was so funny. Flew in from Colorado, fluent from Colorado last night and got very little sleep because of all the

excitement of it all. And I got in there and we It was kind of short and sweet, wasn't it? But it was. You guys are a beautiful job. Well, thank you, but it was. It was obviously awesome having you there too, and thank you. Um you and Michael were talking in the room before. Um Jen, just to catch you up. She know she has the intimacy box, right. Do you want to explain that really fast? Please? Yes?

I created this. It's a lifestyle and experience box because a lot of couples don't get out as much as I think they should. So I'm bringing the date to them. But because I'm a sex therapist, I've also thrown in a little sexuality as well. Uh so in an uncomfortable way. No, I try to keep it really classy and really elegant because I know everybody is, you know, on a spectrum of where their comfort level. So I'm just easing people in.

Uh And it has products to enhance the experience, and hopefully people will just take that time that they need to enhance and enriched their relationship when it's so hard in this busy age. So so what's in the first spot. The first box has three experiences and there's a fund pot in there, and there's a throw and there's a specially designed candle, and there's some massage a ya, and then I kind of coach them through some exercises to

kind of enhance their marriage or relationship for couples. Yeah, that's incredible. It's exciting. And you know, Leslie and I were talking backstage at Access. I stop talking, we have a problem talking. We'll be a good but a good thing. Great thing that I love about the Intimacy Box at Leslie and I were talking about is she has a fun spin on it, and for me, who's someone who struggles from intimacy. Whenever I feel pressured, that's when my

anxiety and everything kind of creeps in. When I feel like I have to perform or I have to plea or whatever it may be, your expectations and all that stuff. And that's you know what Leslie was explained to me. Her philosophy about just keeping it like, keeping it fun, no pressure, no anything there. It doesn't have to be a certain end result. And so is it went through that you're you know, developing this box kind of guided you into that direction and make sure you keep it

light and fun. Well, just me as a person, I have a core value. If it's not fun, why are we doing it. So it's important for couples to have pleasure and fun. And what tends to happen over time is we get really boring and we get into the responsibilities of life and we forget to have that lightness and playfulness and flirtation. I mean, the bedroom really is

kind of an adult playground. And if you have that kind of attitude about it, that is for exploration and connecting, free of outcome, free of expectations and fear or whatever, then then it changes the way it feels because when you enter into the bedroom, you don't want it to be anything but just something you look forward to. And when anxiety kicks in, that's the opposite of the sexual response.

Our bodies don't even work if we're anxious. So is designed to just make it fun and light and exploratory. But how do we you know, for him, because he does struggle with intimacy part and wanting to p or the fear of performing, So how does he kind of stay out of his head in those moments. Something I tell couples all the time is to take away the

outcome and your former athlete, that's maybe even harder. And the idea is that it's not all about the touchdown, that it's still great if you're in the connecting process of it all, but you're not reaching for a goal. And sometimes I tell i'd sell couples just take sex off the table entirely and go in there to connect

and explore and touch. But what if I want more though, and I'm being let down the coming down, and then it's just then we have an argument and like, God, I'm frustrated, I'm sexually frustrated, and yes, and then he gets even more pressure. Yes, because whenever we have a time in the bedroom that has anything negative in it, it pulls us away from wanting to go back in again.

And so being really careful of making sure it's positive even if you are disappointed, are you do have hurt feelings, how to keep loving each other through that so that you don't think of the experience the next time. It's like, that was a bummer. I can't go back in there. I don't want to repeat that, because nobody wants to

repeat something that was negative or didn't feel good. And so what tends to happen when you take the outcome off is that the pressure is down, and then you start to explore and let it go where it will, and you will relax, and then your bodies will work. And then it just happens because you're not trying to make it happen, because that's the opposite of what our bodies need to do. When we try, it shuts everything down.

But when we show up and we're just enjoying and in the process and experience without fear or like I have to get to there or I have to do this, then it's kind of magic. Our bodies start to work scenario that I love your and your your husband here Doug, who's also been a therapist for many years. I was meeting with my therapist just a week or two ago, and we were actually working doing some E m DR work around intimacy, and so I talked to him and

I basically painted a scenario. I said, you know. He was like, what what would it mean to you if you went in Like basically I was telling him. I was like, if I went home today and I just told Jannah, say you know it's been say it's been a few days or a week since we've had sex or anything, and I went in, I said, honey, and I just addressed a head on. I said, Honey, I

know we haven't had sex in a week. I really want to connect, but right now, I just I'm just not in a place, or I'm really tired, or I've been busy or whatever it may be. My reason is

to not be intimate tonight. And I told him I was like, if she said, okay, honey, no worries, like I understand, like all good, like no pressure by her saying that, it would mean more than I can even explain, because then I would feel safe in wanting to be innovat and I told my therapist, I said, you know what, if she did that, give me an hour, I'd probably want to be intimate. It's it's just such a weird thing in my head that why like why do I

need that like pressure to be released? Like it's so weird. I'm still trying to figure it out. I wanted to share that with Jane. I hadn't yet, but it was such an interesting feeling. I got emotional actually talking about it, like if she would if she would just say, and she's done that before, but I just even in that moment, I was able to think, Wow, if she did that in an hour, I'd probably want to be intimate. Can

I just speak on that before you say something? That would be like the great because even because it has been a week or so and last night I kind of wanted to but I knew we were both tired. If you would have said that to me, I would have immediately I would have immediately let up down my guard and then I would have you addressed it. So it's like, it's so knowing that it's on your mind would have made me feel better. It made me feel chosen by you. Just addressing it, because with you not

addressing it doesn't make me feel chosen. I totally get that, and I kind of feel like that, and I would have loved you. It's like it's like the elephant in the room with us sometimes where it's like I know

she wants to she's kind of waiting for me. She doesn't want to pressure me, like going back and forth where but yet I'm scared at times to come forward and say that because I still I'm still nervous of her reaction where maybe she doesn't take it well and fears yes, And and you're saying something really important about how we can do all this in a nonverbal arena, like I think she's in the mood. I think he might be, but I bet he's not. But if he's not,

I'm going to be hurt. And and to get that out on the open more and more like it's just something and it sounds like you do a lot of it already, but to know where you're at as a part of conversation, to let you know, you know, just so you know I'm kind of feeling it, just just letting you know, so that you have kind of a dialogue around each of your sexualities so that you have a beat on each other, and so it keeps you knowing that you're both trying that we're both it's both

in our minds and we both care about it. So why did you why does why does he need that to? Like? Kind of your question was why do you feel like you need to let let it out? Is that what you're trying to I think? I think because then I feel alleviated from any expectations or stress. And your response is so important because we're all sensitive people, which is, you know, there's always when you it's a vulnerable thing

to reach out for anything that's personable. Even more so probably when we're saying I want you or I'm feeling sexy for you, you've now reached down into a vulnerable spot, which means somebody's heart is basically in your hands at that point. And how you respond is everything. What I heard when he was saying, I heard he wants to know you love him either way, and so if you just go whatever, babe, I'm good with either way, then he's just like, I'm not going to lose the love.

I'm not feeling abandoned. She's still with me, whether I pursue her or I don't. The acknowledgement would have been is great, though, are you okay? Yeah? Yeah, that go ahead, It's okay, No, it's just I mean, that's that's me in init show. And that's why I got emotional with my therapist last week. Is exactly what she said. It's like whatever inside of me that created that feeling of not good enough or whatever. It's like knowing that you still love me even if I don't give you what

you need is like a lot. So yeah, damon, Leslie. Thank you for sharing that though, because that's that's the heart of it. But it's the heart of for all of us, and every one of us on some level hasn't I'm not good enough from our own history. Is

our own wound. It's it's just tucked away somewhere. For some of it's a greater wound, some of it's a really um scalped over wound, and so we don't get at it as easy, but it exists for all of us because all of us, at some point in our life had some sort of shaming in a relationship and that's where the wound is. So it's always sort of ready to be flared, and so the gift of just loving somebody no matter what is really healing balm to

that because the shame inside says I'm not good enough. Well, and the problem is is there's two two people and that they both are not feeling good enough. He's has his issues, and then I have my issues of why don't you want to be with me? Why am I not good enough for you to be with? Why? You know that hits my core too because I have that's one of my biggest issues is never feeling good enough

in a relationship. So we're both hitting it's just a different they're just complete opposite conflicting needs that unfortunately just go to the opposite direction from each other. And being able to put that out in the open is really is the challenge on the beauty because that is true of every couple. If they can go that deep with each other, that they're going to run into parts of the other that they're just like, I can't have you be close to me, I'm not worthy or whatever, or

you know, somebody flares and defensiveness. Again, we're looking at shame or I'm not good enough. But to be able to notice those things and go, hey, Okay, Okay, We're okay. You know I love you still. I mean I can say that I definitely there's times when I get so frustrated, and I know that makes him more stressed or more you know, shelled off. It's just I after a while, I just get so frustrated that I just don't understand why I'm not chosen. So if I just but I

think I've done better at being patient. But but I would have loved the gift of you to say, hey, acknowledgement of it, because it takes the pressure off of me to not knowing if you just don't think I'm attractive now, or you don't want to be with me, or I'm not chosen, I'm not good enough to get that. Yeah, And when we talk about it, we don't have to fill in the blank with a negative against ourselves, like

I'm not chosen. If he doesn't reach out, maybe he's just in a bad mood, so that attribution of hey, it's not even really about me. I'm still fabulous. He's just having a hard time, you know, So how we feel in that blank, if we lean into each other, we can find out, you know, what's really going on with you, so I don't have to personalize it and I don't have to hurt what have to change gears a little bit. This is for you and for your husband, Doug.

What you know, it's kind of the whole practice what you preach. What do you guys do, Like what's your experience in your relationship to maintain intimacy, maintain that connection? You want that one any it's like, oh no, don't bring me a No. I was just of an observer here and now I'm on target here. You know. We I think that we do many things to help sustain

intimacy and connection and has a gamut of experiences. But one of the things that that as I'm listening to even this conversation that we do, is that we really prioritize our bond together. We look at ourselves as having a bond that things can fracture. If I don't feel good about myself, it can put a ding in the bond. If if we're not reaching out to each other consistently, we're not sharing space in a meaningful way. And I look at it sort of a bond that we're trying

to protect act. We're always mindful of that. We're always mindful of treating each other special, of putting each other not necessarily first in a sense of codependency, but we're always trying to seek out the best of the other person Um, if there are fractures within your personality, you both have just just described, you're not responsible to heal

each other, but you can't influence one another. You can be sensitive to that and the words you use to sustain the bridge and say, hey, you know, I'm not just really in the in the mood tonight. And for us, man, I'm telling you kind of sucks because we're expected to want sex all the time and it's never a moment we're not ready to have it. And we have this that's our sex education by the way, over the years

is right there. So it's amazing, you know, lung ms, pornography and all those things that sort of feed that. But hey, we we have a capacity for intimacy, we may or may not want to and we have to figure out how to have innimate sex and how that works so that we aren't in a performance based model. But back to back to what we were saying that I just think we we um, we have no criticism zone. We don't criticize each other. Ever, if we do, big

red flags go up and it's not okay. And then we just try to treat each other special and unique each day and and enjoy each other's uniqueness. I love her individuality and her uniqueness what she does and and how special she is in that, and that doesn't threaten me, and what I do doesn't threaten her. And we just kind of collaborate in that. But it's all about the bond. Anything we do or say, we don't want it to put pull the bond apart. We wanted to sustain and

strengthen it, even if it's a hurt feeling. Hurt feeling doesn't have to break the bond. It can be one more a way saying Hey, I'm hurt, but I'm not abandoning. I'm not leaving. I'm here, but I need to talk to you about something that's bothering me. Yeah. And so there's that level of awareness that we, of course, we're both marriage therapists, right, and so we run on a maybe a different level because we're always in this and always thinking about it. But when you think of your

marriage as this separate entity. I tell couples this a lot that this this marriage edge, the marriage that we long for, our dream marriage, if you will, We are working towards it, and it's separate from us, and so we look at the marriage and we're like, what does the marriage need and how is the marriage doing? And how are we doing in it? And it's like you want to preserve it and protect it and take care

of it. So you're both in the mindset of like, this is our mission together, our marriage, because it's the most important thing to us. So we're really sensitive to each other. We haven't always had the amazing sex life. I mean we've had to work it out too. We've been married twenty one years. It used to be you know, me trying to figure out he was the higher, higher desire, I was the lower desire. He was always feeling kind of neglected in our early days when we had a

little one. And it's totally changed over time with and it does change over time because we change individually and our desire levels can change over time. But it's always been a work in progress. It continues to be a work in progress where we're keeping it out in the open and saying, you know, it's a been a few days or where are you at or you know, we're getting cranky, you know, and what might that mean being able to put it into words? So we're continuing to

lean in. Is there is there anything genders from being recently divorced? Is there anything like with all this that you' notice that was lacking in that relationship or something that you maybe you personally realize that you want to work on, going to do the next one, or yeah, you know, I was married for over sixteen years, and I think the communication had broken down and there were intimacy issues, and I think moving forward, I have found my voice.

So when things arise, I talk about them immediately, and that's very different from in the past. I would just sort of, you know, push it down, be the good wife, keep going. But I'm I'm more aware of what triggers me, and then I communicate it in the most mindful way that I can. UM, And it seems to help with people that I'm involved with or if I'm in a relationship, it's yeah, you know, it takes two people. The communication

cannot stop because once it stops, the relationship stops. And I'm realizing that and I'm just I'm at fault UM for just pushing feelings down and not communicating my needs or hurtful feelings or just and whoever taught us that as kids, I don't not not in my history. Right, Who's like, here's how to do feelings and express them in being vulnerable? Like what that's something we all have to learn. Yes, it's amazing, it's amazing how much just

that alone? Communication is a big topic. But how just that alone, like you're saying, Jen, is being proactive about your feelings as opposed to holding them in delivering them in a negative way and getting them on the forefront, as opposed to I can handle this making up stories in your own head. Oh, it's probably because of this reason and this reason instead of just going to each other.

And that's where Jan and I've started to excel as being proactive about hey, I'm feeling this way or whatever, so we don't so we can not break that bond as much and be mean or be spiteful in argument. We got that down, man, I mean, just the points where it's just sometimes I don't even know to say it was so mean back. Yeah, yeah, so we've got

that point. But now through the least, no, it didn't through the last probably eight to twelve months, we've been a lot more consistent about being ahead of it, not you know, not hurting each other like that, not verbally hurting each other, because we want to respect each other and love each other, and we weren't doing that. You know what hurts people? Most people do not realize that shampoo is often the root cause of all hair problems. Okay, so let me just tell you it over cleans your hair,

stripping away your body is protective natural barrier. So I'm just saying, not only does communication, but you know you need to not you need to be nice, but you need to stop put your shampoo your hair exactly. So imagine being able to wash conditioned, to tangle and repair your hair using only one product. Well New Wash clean's hair with a blend of essential oils that has no

added urgeons or synthetic compounds. So what I love about it is that you can take a nine question quiz online to get the perfect pick for you out of one of the three formulas. So I am using the New Wash now on my hair, and let me tell you, guys, it's amazing. So after the quiz I had, um, I'm using the lift, which is a raising roots powder for dry um for blow dry staying, and then dressed up to lotion for safe blow drying. Because now that I have extensions in I can, you know, damage the hair

a little bit. So I want to make sure it's all good. So for all my ladies out there with long lush is hair, for a limited time offer, get ten percent off hair Stories New Wash by visiting hairstory dot com slash Janna and by using the promo code Janna. Let me tell you again, that's for a limited time offer. Get ten percent off hair Stories New Wash by visiting hairstory dot com, slash Janna and by using the promo code Janna. So Leslie Janstion, I'm like, I have question. Um.

Actually we're talking about this too with your husband. Um, about making sure that our kids see Should they see conflict? Yes, Because we had our friend Nick on on our last podcast and he was saying that in his family he never saw conflict. So then when his marriage started to have conflict, it was like, oh my god, this is bad. I have to leave and run. So but what's the line, right, And there's there is a caveat because you want to see kids want to see that you get to the resolve.

They want to see you working together. It's not that you have intense feelings. It does matter. If you're saying damaging things, that's never okay because it's abusive. But if you're in kind of a heated, passionate discussion because you have a disagreement, but you keep working at it and you get to a resolve, they get to see how that works and that they're still safe and they're still okay, and mom and dad can can really work out something

and they can get to resolve. They can also see your investment and your emotionality, and that gives permission for feelings that it's okay to have strong feelings or any feelings. When things are hidden, it leaves kids not only in the dark, but they can be confused about what is reality in their home. Now. We don't want violence ever,

right because that's just scary and and traumatic. But to be able to speak passionately because you happen to be in a person with opinions and it might differ it sometimes from your partner, and then your kids can see you problem solving and working it out, is that their favorite thing. It might be a little unnerving but when they see you get to conclusion and everybody's still happy, happy, then they're like, we can do that. I think it's important.

What do you think do you do you share that? Yeah, you know, I think so. I think you have to have some uh, some practicality around frequency and how loud it gets and uh. But I think if it's in front of them and they do see your resolution, shouldn't that's meaningful. You're not hiding it from him. I think you're gonna depending on their ages too, you can always have conversations later and say, you know, mom, dad, we argue sometimes we love each other and I don't want

you to be scared if we do. And so you can certainly not three years old probably and in the womb, but at some point you can. So most most people grow up. Is so often that we hear in our practice that, yeah, my parents divorced from when I was thirteen, and I didn't even know anything was wrong. You know, people hide it and then the whole family systems based

in secrecy and kind of lies. And but then here's the other problem is that my parents got divorced and I was thirteen fourteen, and I saw everything, but it was. You know, I knew a lot of things were wrong, you know, so that was it was almost like too much was shown. Do you too argue in front of Julie?

So I hate it more than anything. Um, we've we have, I'm not gonna lie we've had when she was younger, especially because we were going through everything it was and every time I'd go in the room and cry because I'm like God, I don't want her to feel that energy. Um, we've done a really good job, but there are still times when voices will get raised and we have to

we just need to get better with that, right. But I think, like dougun Lesslie are saying, though, I think as of recently, within the last six to eight months, any argument we've had in front of her hasn't been hurt things being said hasn't been you know, in violence or over the top anger or name calling or any kind of you know, uh anything like that. It's been more of just you know, maybe our voices get raised, which still I think at that young age, maybe you

don't want to do. I don't know, you know, like I get triggered from his loud voice because my dad was loud and scary, so I get scared for Joli's sake. Did she react? She did with that one day, and that made me really sad. I told you, we cannot

do that. But but I think because she just she looks like, you know, she has that look in her eye like, oh God, they're either you know, And it's scary because and again I think that's my my childhood wound two is seeing a dad upset and angry, and I get scared, and I don't want her to feel that intensity. I mean, yeah, and I guess especially at this age. But I think again, as she gets older, she's gonna see some of that. She's gonna see us raise our voices, she's gonna see us get angry, you know.

And it's just just being conscious of it. I mean, obviously there's just gonna be a fine line that you gotta flirt with with with you know, is this healthy for them to be around or is this something that which we're not good at tabling it, handling it tonight when the kids are down. But I think that's just something that we have to be conscious of. Well, do

you think it depends on what the argument is about? Two? Yeah, I probably don't need to be exposed to fighting about your sex life necessarily or something that's that's beyond the

development a level. Uh. But you were saying a really important thing, Joanna, which is which is beautiful, which is that you're in the sorting so like you're aware that when he gets his voice loud, that it triggers your history and you remember that you didn't like that as a child, and and you want to protect Jolie for that. But all of that is like awareness, a beautiful awareness, because that's the work in progress, which is then you go, you know, is he really my dad? No, he's not.

He just feels the same. But he's such a genuine, heartfelt guy that's not my dad. And and will it really impact her in the same way? Could be able to sort yourself out from her experience because it's so easy for us as parents to like project our experience and our kid and think, oh my gosh, it's happening to them just like it happened to me, And it's like, was it really the same thing? But being able to sort that out is really the work of it's the

work of relationship. But he doesn't think his voice gets loud, So I'm very sensitive to voices and he's like, I'm not mad. I'm like, but that is very angry, you know, animated, And we've had something similar because you want to talk about what we Yeah, So I'm the I'm the kind of leadership for a number of years. I'm the kind of person that can debate for hours and I just get more energized and more alive and I think more clearly,

you know. And we found out over time that the more that I did that, the more it was actually intimidating her. I've got this strong woman, and she'd cry and that what women cry, you know, And I didn't realize, you know, partly was me. So I call it, started calling it getting in the ring, like I'm getting in the ring ready to box, and and it's been really really helpful for me to realize I can't get in

the ring. I've got to have some other way to to share my frustrations or my anger and my hurt without some big debate where I roll over her because she probably felt that his abusive and I didn't even know it was anything was happening like that. Well, and he just has a way of saying things that are so like because he has a strong opinions, and so do I. So I'm not going to blame in for that, but he would say things so definitively, like he just had the answer, and he would say it like this

and did it. And I'm like, did I get considered? You know, did you loop me in? And he didn't realize because he thinks we're in like a collaborative thing there, but he's so dogmatic that I'm like, I don't feel like I was even looped in. So it's kind of funny. Sometimes he'll like, go, I could just see him doing it.

He'll like, so, what do you think about? And I'm like, okay, you know, like that's his attempt to like join, because he just wants to be able to speak his mind and say his mind, but he doesn't hasn't lost connection with me in that. I just feel sort of like I think I think too for Janna, if I may speak for you as well, honey, um. You know, the layer of it with Jolie is her is her, is Jana's childhood and the projection of the father in the relationship.

I think also there's another layer of her being triggered with early on in our relationship where I had issues with anger management. I was in the midst of doing things that I was doing, acting out or whatever, and had a lot of guilt, a lot of shame and just living this other life that just just continued to put pressure and anxiety and guilt and all that crap on top of me. So I was a lot more volatile in my arguing and my You know, there was no real communicating with me. I can see that now.

Then I would be so definitive like Doug, but almost in a narcissistic, narcissistic way, where I would unfortunately make Janna feel crazy for like thinking or feeling the way she was feeling. And looking back on that now, it makes me really sad to think that she ever had to feel that way around me. Um, But I know, I understand that that's probably another layer for her around us arguing and my voice being elevated at all, because it used to get really, really really bad. Am I

correcting that? Yeah? Remember when he locked me out of the house? Wait? Can we hear that story? We were just in an argument and I just remember being like, am I crazy? But again, like that's just speaking on his He wouldn't just make me feel crazy. Yeah we can laugh about now. I don't one being locked out of the house right now, Like why are you making you guys that don't always have to be I mean, I don't even remember how I just but it's just

up open the door. Yeah that was. That was you know a few months before discovering everything, so everything started to make sense. But yes, that does from that anger and that issues that does make me then go trigger too. Is he acting out right? Which is bring up which is unfortunate for both parties because I understand her trigger behind that is like if I get defensive or start to raise my words at all. Yeah, Like last night we're having just a small issue is getting I was like,

why are getting so defensive? I'm getting triggered now because you're so defensive and this is making me think that you're hiding something from me, and it's and it's like He's like, I'm actually not, but I'm actually I'm just

trying to help. And it's just so this this whole conflict where it's like it's it sucks because I understand why she feels that way, but at the same time, I feel like I should still be at liberty to have my feeling to express them, and it's not always going to be butterfly some rainbows with how it comes out, like I'm going to be piste off some days and it's gonna happen. But it's just I it's unfortunate that

she has to feel tricked around that. Yeah. Yeah, And I was just thinking, you know, you don't want to take away his manhood, right, I mean, I'm sure you love love his strength, but it's also threatening sometimes if it if it gets too angry. But but if he was always just you know, perfectly soft and tender and vulnerable, I can tell you right now it's gonna happen in your sex life, you know, because you want that passionate man that you're with. Absolutely, I'm real fast. Before we circle,

did you want to say something? I was just gonna say that, you know, once again, not to beat it to death, but I think, uh, in any way we interact that fractures the bond, what are we going to think about that does to put a ding in? It is a pulse apart a little bit, and how we're

expressing hurt and how we're expressing emotions. So it's important to be able to have that And the other thing I would say too, is that sort of the converse of all of this is um if you think of not wanting to have a con like not wanting to have this happen, what do you want to happen? What do you want to sound like to each other? What do you want to fill your home up with? Is a joy? Is it peace? Is it mutual affirmation? What

are you shooting for? Because we can try to stop anything from happening, We can try to stop arguments, but it doesn't solve it. If we don't move in some directions, Okay, then what do we want? What's the replacement for that? That's awesome, it's really because if we don't have a vision of what we want, we're always just fighting off the problems and what we're trying to fix instead of

moving towards. We want a culture in our home that is just filled with positive energy and we're like engaged and alive, and it's enthusiastic, and we're personal and it's intimate and we talk about all things. And then you have that as kind of your frame of like, but this is what we're shooting for, and this is how we're trying to live and so sometimes when that other stuff comes up, you're like, oh, yeah, that's that stuff. But and we'll solve it. But then we're going to

go back to all our goodness that we love. That's awesome, makes sense? Yeah, man, this is good. This is some really good stuff. I just soaked it all in the seen it stuff. Where where can our listeners find you? Oh? Everywhere on social media Instagram, Leslie Gustufson, everywhere. Our website is Authentic and True dot com. We have a really great a live Facebook group that's private right now, about a thousand people just in there telling all their all

their stuff and getting support from each other. It's amazing. And I just monitor it for kind of safety and direction. So that's cool. And of course you know about the box, but oh the amazing Intimacy Tribe. Everything is amazing intimacy to make sure you get the enemy Intimacy box because it definitely um is can be really helpful and fun for for for partners out there. So thank you so much, thank you so much, thank you, thank you, thank you,

thank you. Okay, So I was I was at my girlfriend's house geez, like a week or so ago, and I was minding my own business. But she goes, she was talking to her husband and she goes, She's like, I'm going to have to spend the next fifty million hours going through two thousand photos and putting them all together on a drive and I go, no, you don't. Sim was like, oh my gosh. I was like, this is what it's for. And I was like, Jen, if you use promo code, did it? And I started to

go off about it. Then she she saved. She saved four hundred dollars with the code. That's amazing, you know, so, and she put all of our Basically, let me tell you, this legacy box is a perfect place to take all of your old home videos, your photos, your tapes and you can digitize them onto a thumb drive download or a DVD. So it's so great because she was going to have to spend all this time scanning every single

picture manage into the computer. And I was so excited and proud to have to do this next spot because it's something that people need. I am so disappointed because we had about thirty five or forty photo albums with all of my baby picture showing horses for fifteen years, everything and there was a water like pipe break in the garage and it we lost all of them, so I have no one. I may have one baby picture that was at somebody else's house. My whole childhood was erased.

It is so sorry, So listen, do it. Don't wait to hear that. I know. I know, so just if I would have had this, Yeah, and I'm going to do this for Rocko. Even though everything's on digital, I still printed photos out and I have video and everything just needs to be in one place totally. Well. Legacy Box will send you a pre labeled box and all you have to do is fill it with all of your old family memoirs and then send it right back.

Go to Legacy box dot com slash Janna to get off your first order, or save up to two hulls on your largest Legacy Box kit. So she saved four by using the code Janna to get forty percent off. So go to Legacy Box dot com slash Jamna and say forty percent off today. Get started preserving your past and don't let it get washed away. You know it's

funny too, is that we're at our friend. It was our friend's house that we're staying at when we're in Nashville, and so Jane was there like a week before me, and then Julie and I got there for a few days and I was walking through their office at their house and I saw the Legacy box on flour. I was like, well, like, yeah, I know, because it was all me, I told him, because it's just you know, you know, we do we do these spots and you know, yes, we love we love Hello Fresh and Grove and like,

you know, everything that we do on here. But when it's something that you know, we really can it can help a family, and I don't know, it's just it's so special. I know, I have no hashtag like throwback Thursday pictures. Luckily Rockell looks exactly like me. Yeah. Perfect, I can be like, oh no, that's me. I love that. Hey, honey, did you do the Couple's challenge last week about getting me a gift? Actually? You know what's funny, was it yesterday or the day before? I was thinking about it.

I was like, oh man, I need to go to like Soto or something on Ventura and go get you a little something. And then well I forgot to so I feel back at our own challenges. I did it. You did? Yeah, would you do. I just ordered food and had it delivered without Yeah, for without him knowing. That's cool. Yeah, that's good. That's a good one. Didn't do anything for you, nothing, man, we were busy traveling, we had it was a crazy busy week. Yeah, it

was crazy. Nader Virginia back to l A. So we have to double up then, So we have to do this week. This week, we'll have to double up. We need to do last week's challenge because we can't be telling people to do things and then we're not even what's the challenge? Something little gifts? Alright? Okad no? Um, So what's what should be a couple of challenge this week? Oh? You know what? Initiate with your partners in the bedroom.

So much pressure, a lot of pressure, I know. But it doesn't have to be like like Leslie said, it doesn't have to be the touchdown kiss your partner. You can just that that one day in bed when you just kissed me. I was like, I love that. That's all That's all I needed in that moment. Yeah, or even like when we're at Matt and Chen's and I just wanted to kiss you and then it lent into something else. Yeah, and you're like, oh, I actually I'm

turned on. And then I'm like, well I'm tired. But yeah, yeah, sorry Matt and Jenn, we soiled your shees. No uh no, but I think it doesn't. It is not to be the touchdown. I'm not saying. You know, Katherine, you know I love your girl. You just just give him a kiss, one little kiss, you know. All right, so we have to do a little gift and then initiate. But okay, that's such a one sided thing. What's your side of it.

I'm going to give you a gift, initiate. Okay, maybe when you're watching football, throw you up past but Sunday, real quick catch it. Hey. So I want to talk about Grove Collaborative. So, like I said, one of the things that I love about doing these spots are because we actually use growth to UM. It's really convenient and with having a new baby, you can get everything you you want in a box and they're very it's clean

and healthy stuff, household products for your home. So we never run out of toilet paper because they send it

to us. UM. They have everything from Myers cleaning supplies, Burt's Bees, chlorine free wipes, to baby ganic sunscreen lotions, and they make sure all of the products are free from animal testing, so it's just it's easier, it's cheaper when you shop at Grove, and it's great too because I get auto scheduled shipments right to my door, so it's so so so nice, and it's natural, chemical free

products that are good for the baby and jolly. For a limited time, listeners who signed up getting amazing free thirty days supply of seedling Groves tree free paper, towels, toilet paper and tissues, a free sixty day v I P membership, and a surprise bonus gift just for you when you sign up in place in order of twin dollars or more. And the gifts really cute. So check out Grove and our special offer at Grove dot Co slash Jama. That's Grove dot Co, not com slash Janna.

How do you know, I'm excited because we have our twenty three and Me kit sitting right in front of us. And just remind you, guys, twenty three me. Okay, they have a new podcast called Spit on I Heart Radio, and what it is is the twenty three Me is actually named after the twenty three pairs of chromosomes in

your DNA. Their service provides you with over seventy five genetic reports about your health like lactose intolerance and sleep movement, traits, your right co or hair color, and all you have to do is spit into the tube provided mail back to the lab. I can't wait for you guys to do this. I'm gonna do it the second I get home. It is so fun to open the email and click on results and you're just blown away. And then you start getting emails like, you know, oh your second cousin,

Oh your third cousin, another family relative and others. It's really fun. Well isn't that what they talked about in spit. Yes, they do penetically alike. Yeah. Absolutely. I mean I came back exactly what I knew I was. But it's still it's still fun. But yeah, so Jan and I are super super excited about It's gonna be a lot of fun, and so join us. Subscribe to the spit podcast learn more about the DNA found in our spit understand who we who we really are genetically, and how we are

connected to the world around us. Listen to full episodes now on i Heart Radio. App or wherever you listen to podcast. Remember we're gonna talk about voting. Yeah, we'll talk about later. I'm not ready to talk about it. Do you guys go in or do you send it in because already voted. Well, we need to talk about them in other podcast because that's another subject for another time. This is the last one before the mid terms. Yeah.

Like I said, there's something, there's something that I need to disclose that we need to disclose, but we need we're waiting to get someone on the show to help us. Okay, I'm just okay, we need to talk about it. It It needs to be a bigger scale because I will get backlash, have a stomach ache. Alright, we will get back We will get backlash. But at the same time, I think a lot of people need to hear um our perspective

and then they can learn to from it. Do you think we need to get an expert on That's what I'm trying to closing information in uh in a safely What kind of an expert do you need? We want? We want, well, I want I'm trying to get Sophia Bush on the show because she's very um political, but I want to get I want to get a poet. I want to get someone in politics on both sides. So I want to left and I want to right right. But you're gonna miss the midterms. Is that there's gonna

be nobody available to do this. I understand that, but they're still going to be voting. We don't we don't need we don't need an actual politician. We just need someone to talk about. Maybe you know the importance of voting. I mean, everyone says in voting is important my thing? Oh my god, are we talking about Let me just say vote? No? Let me let me just tell you my whole theory because my grandfather gets on me that I don't vote and I haven't voted for years. Is

I'm not big into politics. I'm just not. It doesn't interest me. I know I should be. I'm not saying it's okay not to be, but I would rather not vote than make an uneducated decision. Does that make sense? But so now, now what's she's gonna take out? She's taken out her ear and it's like for like a back alley brawl right now, like let me talk to you about I can't read. It's my fault for not educating myself. But it's just like I said, I think this needs to be a bigger discussion because what I

have to say would totally rally you up. And I just think we need someone that so you want security here to keep generating. It's kind of all right, but I but I also want to you know, we we inform where I want to be informed to, and I want to inform listeners out there that feel the same

with it I feel about voting. So Tuesday, the mid term governor of California, among many states, have their governor decided, many congress people in the Senate and the House of Representatives, and lots of propositions that definitely affect your life are all being decided on Tuesday. So just right, but how much which will affect everyone in the next two years? Example Prop seven well segurative daylight saving time in California? Right, Okay? Opinion there you No, I'm not. I'm not saying we

don't have a strong opinion. I don't think my vote counts. I don't have the statement. I don't think it does. I don't think it counts. I don't think I would if we got rid of the electoral votes, I would think it maybe would count more then I would maybe be more inclined. But you're specifically speaking of presidential elections there, yes, So that's the thing. I don't know. The electoral votes are only for president and you're and yes, all of the state votes on mass so whoever gets the most

votes gets all the states votes. We urge you to go vote for our governor. But here's the thing, I want to be more informed. You've got a few days. I think maybe we right off in terms and focus on probably gonna okay, but that's that's my whole thing. Like, I'm not informed, so I'm not going to go Would you still rather me just go vote for when he does? Well,

I don't haven't paid attention to what's going on in California. No, But I think that you can have a really educated conversation with a few different people that you know from both sides to understand do on the show. But we're missing our full and well, I think Mark was right, we need to focus on Yeah. Also, there are non partisan websites that can ask you questions and said this is probably who you should be voting for, specifically for president.

You can take them very helpful as well. What do you think of this? What do you think of this? That you do then you're with this candidate and you know whatever, see see. But that's my my thing too is remember taking something like that back in like high school, early college or something, and but there there might be Okay, this is who you should probably vote for, but there might be a topic that that person supports that I'm

just strong, that's true, that's okay. Then then you find a different candidate if the other candidate too, so like didn't hid thing, I just don't even have to choose.

And then there's the third party voting and whether or not the parts, so then your vote really doesn't matter because but then someone says, well, if everyone votes for the third party, then they're gonna bottom line, you take your own interests out of the equation and you think about the best person to run the country and who is going to take care of the people, and globally on a global aspect, you want somebody who can interact

with leaders of other countries in a positive way. So I think if you take your own interests out of the equation, you can sort of pick a candidate even if they don't believe in everything you believe in, or if there's one thing that you just you're completely against, you just think globally, and I think you can make a really great educated decision that way. All right, we're going to need to have a conversation then again about this.

But it's just unfortunate that this last presidential election felt like picking the lesser of two evils. People say that a lot. Hopefully you'll, hopefully there'll be a candidate can feel passionate running again, necessarily because it is fun when you feel really passionate about a candidate. And I truly haven't felt that because last year I was like, I think personally, I just you get backlash for saying who

you like. I didn't like any of them, so that's just sorry, that's just my But again I didn't there was things I didn't like about each There's things I liked and didn't like. You might have turned me off from politics. Is maybe my My family, my dad's side of the family are all very outspoken when politics. There were many of Dan family dinners. That's just I'm a kid and they start talking my politics, and aunts and uncles and grandparents and parents are going back and forth.

I'm like, yeah, I mean, like, why can't we just talk about something else, you know, a kid yourself. So I'm not it's not to blame anybody, but I just that's the environment. I was just like, you know what I don't and that's in that environment is worse than ever before. I don't care about this is if this is how I'm going to react about it, I don't

care right now. And so now that I'm be coming, but then someone would say, wellhouldn't you care about your country and our rights and ore blah blah blah taxes, But you also need to figure out what the most important thing to you because everybody's got that. Whether it's gun control, or it's immigration, or its taxes, or it's gay rights, whatever it is, everybody's got something really passionate about. And that's that's kind of way I look at it.

Is who's going to support the passionate about My sister is gay, and so I've always really been into gay rights, and that's always been a very very important thing to me. What are you most passionate about? Gay rights? Gun control? But so here's the thing about gun control. I have a gun. Are you mad that I have a gun? I'm not mad at you. I'm mad that you know people who shouldn't have guns, so you're able to you

still you still think people should have guns. There, they should be allowed to have guns, but a bit more checks that kind of I think I can agree with that, I absolutely, but I think the the kind of weapon that people are allowed to agree. Yes, I agree with, but but then again, what about the people that Again

I'm just playing Devil's advocate for both sides. The other person that's I like this as a sport, I do this for fun, and you know I don't have mental issues or and I liked Again, I agree that why do you need this big rifle gun whatever it is, But at this if that's their person's hobby they like to collect, or it's I don't know. I don't know. As soon as you know, when we were children, we didn't have any issues with school shootings. We have a serious issue now. I agree. I mean and terrified at

least once or twice a week. It's on my mind when I know Rockos in school out there playing recess. He's been in lockdown a couple of times. One was due to somebody in the neighborhood who had a gun who was out on the street. You know, it's terrifying, right, and there is no probably easy solutions, there's not, there's not, but nothing is not a good option either, And that seems to be what we've done so exactly. I agree with that. What do you think here? Before we get

hop on this phone call? What do you what is your What would you be most passionate about? Is about? You know? Choice? Is it? Guns? Is it? I don't. I don't know if I have one blaring thing. I think it's a little bit of all of it. But that's the thing. I don't know if I have one thing. I mean, I believe in gun control, but I believe in the right to bear arms in our constitution. I believe that, you know, everyone should be treated treated equal.

So when you're voting in one persons and you believe kind of both things, then how do you how do you do that? Well, hopefully at some point you become so passionate about something or a candidate that you get to experience what it feels like when that candidate wins, because it feels like you've won the super Bowl. Wow, Well, let's get informed. Since we've missed the boat with this time, we're going to campaign for Mike and Dano. We need

you in Okay. So I was just on the Doctors recently and I really am excited because Dr Sonya Batra Sonia him here. Hey, so you got the wine down crew? Oh Hi, how are you hi? How are you hi? Hi? Hi? Everyone? How's it going? We're doing good. We were just talking about voting, so, you know, a real popular subject. I hope everybody and anybody listening to this gets and vote. It's so important. I know, yes, um so I was

just telling them that I did. I was on the Doctors and I had a chance to sit down with you guys. You were great, yea, thank you for coming on and we really appre hated it and I hope that our viewers you really raised awareness and just opened up some doors for people to feel comfortable sharing what

they've been through and talking about it. Yeah, and for those of you that didn't watch it, and we were talking about miscarriages and we had an IVF doctor on the show as well and just kind of talking about the challenges and um so definitely try to see if you guys can watch that episode on the Doctors. But Michael you are reading her background and you're like, she's she's a genius Harvard, Harvard Medical School, Oxford Rhodes scholar. I mean, you got it all. I was very impressed

by just reading you know, your resume here. But so I was like, man, I'm kind of nervous to talk to her now, Oh come on, no, it's I'm happy to talk with you guys. Thank you so much for having me on. Do you feel like you like are you what do you think like your absolute specialty is? Oh, well, I'm a skin cancer specialist. So my training in medicine is a dermatologist, and then I did a fellowship and

skin cancer procedures, so that's that's my niche. So does it make you itch when I say that I don't wear sunscreen? Yes, it's like it's like nails on a chalkboard for me when when people tell me that, especially you're here in southern California. And how are you feeling, by the way, with the hormones of pregnancy. Well, I've been crying a little bit more recently. Um, but I've we have we have a couple like we have like

a week or two left. My congratulation, Thank you. I figured because we're doing November, it's really any day now. But yeah, you know, I have a hard time with that because so speaking of suncare for my uh some lotion for my daughter. For a daughter, one of the doctors said that it's actually good for them to get an hour of sun without sunscreen lotion on. Is that true? I would say no, cumulatively in a week, is true?

You we Yeah, So usually while it is really important to have adequate vitamin D levels, and no dermatologist or position is going to tell you otherwise. It's more like here in southern California, you're gonna get ten to fifteen minutes of daily exposed. Sure, that's going to be more

than enough. Dad to quickly synthesize what you need. An hour is to the point that she's going to turn paink or red and she's very likely to burn that that's going to be where she's occurring damage that will put her at risk for problems later in life, especially skin cancer. So what causes low vitamin D? Because I feel like I was tested once and my vitamin D

was low. Yeah, and so we know vitamin D. Everybody knows that it's involved with calcium and phones but we also know that it's a really important regulator of our immune system and silk growth, and so it's actually been shown to be very protective against certain types of cancer. So the reasons some people we think are low is because we're not synthesizing enough, certainly from sunlight, just because we're all indoors and we're not necessarily getting the exposure

we do otherwise. And then dietary sources, So the sources of vitamin D that are food based are like fatty fish like mackerel, things like egg yolks, so people don't necessarily eat that as much these days. And then fortified foods with vitamin D like milk certainly are good sources of it as well. This all makes sense since I'm vegan.

That's that's probably why your level was low. But the flip side is that we know if you're out in the sun to the point that you turn pink, you're getting the type of damage that at least dispuler change the least just can cancer down the line. But for your daughter an hour a day, she's too right, It is quite a lot. Yeah, So that's that's a lot of ultraviolet. And we do think that the sunburns she gets. Specifically, the number of blistering sunburns she gets before she's eighteen

is directly proportional to her lifetime can cancer. She's never gotten. She's never gotten sunburned yet. Ever. We always and if we're in the sun for a long time, but when she just goes out to play for thirty minutes or in school, I mean, we don't. There's enough shady, shady places that we're playing that it's kind of it's not

direct sunlight for that amount of time. Yeah, And I would say if you keep an eye on her and she's not turning pink and the sun that you don't see her coming back with this pink it shade to her skin, then she's probably not occurring to damage and it's fine with her. You know that, didn't. I have two kids. I'm outsitting if their sports games. I get it. It's that's what kids should do and they should enjoy the outdoors. It's just really kind of keeping them protected

that they're not burning. And I was just gonna ask you, sonya you know, you said, your mother of two kids, what do you do knowing what you know and practicing you know, the me in the medical field that you do. What do you do that maybe most parents like the common mistake that maybe most parents might make, that you make sure that you don't do. I think it's that

many parents don't think sunscreen is important year round. And so I even here in southern California where it's sunny all the time, people just think, oh, it's colder, it's the winter, I don't need the sunscreen. But in sunny climates like this, and and even in cold climates because remember of ultraviolet penetrates through clouds, it reflects off the snow. So even if you're somewhere when it's one of those bright, beautiful but cold, snowy days, you are getting a lot

of ultra violet damage. So I think the one thing I do is that much to my kids for strange screen on them rain or shine, and you know, every day year round. It's just they brush their teeth in the morning. And then now they're nine and eleven, they're old enough to put it on themselves. But I'll still attack them if they happen. Then I'll still rub it

all over their faces. I mean, I totally get that, but I think what stresses me out is Okay, now, what kind of sunscreen do we have some because if we put the wrong sunscreen on, then they're going to get cancer because of the sunscreen. Yeah, and and that's true because there's more and more data about some of

the chemical blocks. And you probably saw and read that in Hawaii, certain chemicals are now banned because they're killing the coral reef, the chemicals and sunscreen, specifically octinoxide and oxyben zone. But what I have always recommended, and I certainly recommend for kids is the mineral block broad spectrum sunscreen.

So those are things with micronized and oxide or micronized the titanium dioxide and an SPF thirty and those are spafe on adults, they're safe one kids, and they physically just sit on top of your skin and shield and deflect ultraviolets. Can you give me do you have any brands that that you know that are good? You know, any brand Just look at the active ingredients the back of the tube and it should have a section at the very top of the bottle that these active ingredients.

And if it's a zinc oxide and or titanium dioxide and it doesn't say anything else, that's what you're looking for so every common band in the supermarket drug store should have a line that has that. So we were driving down the street yesterday and I stopped at a red light and I looked over and it was like seventy nine dollars a month cannyon membership, and it made me think that I was like, I can't believe we still have these tanning like tanning beds and strip malls.

Like what is happening? Or is it okay to go once or twice a week? So this your answer is no, it's not okay to go once or twice a week. In fact, we know that the biggest risk factor for your first skin cancer at a younger age, meaning before

the age of forty, is ever having used to tanning bed. Yeah, I mean, there's no thing a quote unquote stay uv tanning bids, because what they're doing is, if you think about it in a very concentrated way, they're delivering that ultra violet that turns to your color, but you're also accruing damage. And so you're right. I mean, panning bits are regulated in a number of dates, just like tobacco, basically where you can't go in under the age of

eighteen and you should get parent parental consent. We know it's a carcinogen. It's just so wildly popular, and there's there's still this kind of misconception among many people that the tan is healthy and you know that you look better win tan, which I think a lot of people feel that way. But but it's totally acceptable to do a spray tan. It's so much safer, right, But again, what they're spraying on us, the kind of chemicals they're

they're spraying, and then your turn brown. But but the way those chemicals were to your right, and they are chemicals, and you know, my bias of course as a dermatologist is why is tans so chic? But I think that they're going to be situations and red carpets and things where people want to look a little bit more glowy. And the self tanners and the spray tans, so they are chemical, completely agree, are at least much safer than

the ultra violet light sources. So in the in the relative risk team, those have not been shown to be carcinogenic, whereas we know that the ultra violet and tanning fits it's carcinogenic. So so to me, it seems like a really reasonable trade off. Sonya, have you ever heard of hell's it? I don't know. I don't know what the medical term is. So basically, this summer, Jana and I we went to Santa We went to the beach of Santa Monica. We brought our daughter. We lathered her up

with sunscreen. Jane didn't wear any that per usual, and I'll usual that I've never gotten burned before. Actually, what I was starting to stay and it made me think of your pregnancy is that Remember the hormones of pregnancy make you much more prone to discoloration. Either the hormone and pregnancy called melano stimulating hormone that's appropriately really high, but that's what gets women a lot of discoloration and melasma. Yeah, I have that on my mouth right now. Beard. Yeah,

I will defend her. On this particular day, she was she was wasn't feeling well pregnant. She was laying under the umbrella on a blanket the entire time while I was out with our daughter for like three hours, exposed to the sun with like no break and I lathered him on his front. Okay, wasn't what did I didn't put your front? Yeah? I think you my front because we went like the weekend before and I was a little burn on my front, so I had a load on my front. I didn't do my back on my head,

and I'm bald and big mistake. Basically that night was the next day, he comes home. I swear to you, Sonia, he comes home like he's a wolf is trying to come out of his body. But I was trying to turn into a werewolf, like I could not move. Jana was dumping ice on my back on our bed like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I felt like I had fire ants on my skin and it lasted. I was at work that day. I was starting there. When I was at work, I came home, it got even worse and it was just it was one of

those things. She had to lock me in the room. So Jolie, our daughter, didn't see me like that because I was like literally losing my mind. Yeah, looked and said, how's it. Yeah, I just saw the quote unquote, hell's it. I don't know what the medical term. I don't know if you've heard of that before dealt with that. Yeah, I mean it's basically you were probably also bright red and really swollen to in addition to being a chance

to storry that happened to you. Um, but it's true that that really damaging and injuring the skin like that from just a really severe acute sun exposure. Often we'll release a lot of the inflammatory chemicals in your skin too, specifically histamine and other they're called side of kinds because John pologist love dragon. But you were probably having a really inflamed, itchy, uncomfortable response just to the injury. That sounds often it can be lousy. Yeah, no again, I'm

so sorry that happened. But you know, at least I'm glad you're sharing your stories with people so that they remember. I will never forget to put on sunscreen ever again after that feeling. So it's about yes to remember. An SPF thirty is only talking about how much UVB it blocks, which is one part of the spectrum, but that's still

n U to be blocked, so it's pretty good. You do want to also look for something that's a broad spectrum on it because that means it blocks up a Also, Sony two, with you being in dermatology, do you deal with I know you specialize kind of the skin skin cancer world, do you deal with, like, you know, breakouts

on skin and stuff like that. Just I asked, because I have fairly sensitive skin, and you know, maybe on my back or shoulders, I'm tentative to put oils or lotions on there because actually the sun will help kind of clear my skin up at times, especially in the summer, I'm working out a lot or sweating or whatever. And so is that something where certain lotions are better for

more sensitive skin? I just I'm very wary about that, yeah, And and so it's interesting because I certainly in the world of dermatology, I deal with breakouts, and people who are acting and breakout prone are often really instant to

put anything on. But flip side is that when you strip acne prone skin or it's really sensitive and you put something really harsh and irritating where you're trying to put like in a stringent or alcohol or something to dry it out, then oftentimes you're skin is going to overcompensate because it's being stripped and irritated, so it's going to try to produce more oil, and it may even have kind of a completely counterproductive effect of making you

overproduced oil and then your pores get clogged and you break out. So acting prones is actually really sensitive and you don't want to overly irritated to strip it. But what you do want to look for is lotions and oils that somewhere have been tested not to clog your pores. So the jargon on the label is going to say noncomatogenic or non acnegenic. That means that they've actually at least to asstate and tested it to see if it's

likely to break you out. Um. I tell people that try things like if you try something and even if on the label so it's non poor clogging, but it makes you break talk, don't use it. And in general, sent free die free, really hypoallergenic things are a lot less likely to irritate you and worth an acne to work. Our listeners find you. Oh well, I'm practice here in Santa Monica in southern California, and my website is www dot dot trust skincare dot com. I love it and

you can watch your on the Doctor. Yes, and Jenna, thank you again. I really do appreciate your coming on and sharing your story with your conception and your miscarriages. I mean, I just was so impressed and grateful that you were so honest and transparent with the people who follow you, because I think you're really opening the door for women who don't talk about miscarriage and they don't talk about fertility struggles and and sort of sort of

suffering silence, like I said that day. So thank you for that. Thank you. I appreciate it, and we appreciate you being on on one down. Well, thank you, Thanks for take care by bye. All right, So today's show was full of information. I feel like I need to go home and just digest everything. We went from crying to laughing too to getting scolded by jan Mark for I feel like mom and dad are Matt sorry. We will get more informed and we're we have We have

a couple of years to do that. So a huge thank you to all of our guests today on the show, and m Hello Fresh for a total of six dollars off. That's twenty dollars off your first three boxes. Visit Hello Fresh dot com slash Cramer sixty and then to Cramer sixty.

Hair Story get ten percent off hair Stories New Wash by visiting hair story dot com slash Janna and by using the promo code Janna go to Legacy box dot com slash Janna to get off your first order or save up to two and the largest Legacy Box kit, get an amazing free thirty day supply of seedling grows tree, free paper towels, toilet paper and tissues, a free sixty day v I P membership, and a surprise bonus gift just for you when you sign up and place an

order of twenty dollars or more. Grove dot Co slash Jana. Then new podcast Spit. Listen to full episodes now on I Heart Radio app or wherever you listen to podcast. You guys, thank you for an awesome show, and don't forget to do your a couple of challenge too. We are we have to do the couple's challenge, um to both of them. We have to do the guests. And then this week's challenge was to just initiate with your partner and uh god, I don't know if next time

we're gonna have a baby or not. I don't know. So we'll see we're not going to have the baby yet. We will Okay, maybe you'll go into labor while doing the podcast, and then we can do the next week. We can do a live podcast, and it'll just all okay, we'll figure it out, we'll all right, see you guys next week.