Ep. 2 Marriage Uncorked

had a rough day way of release. It was really dramatic, and I was watching you reply to the thousands of people, you know, because being accused of something that you're you're not doing is upsetting and can cause anxiety. What were you like? What were you thinking? So for those of you that didn't go on my Instagram or catching any the drama, I was so excited obviously, I'm like, yeah, my podcast wind downs out like who And all of a sudden I started reading comments you stole You're a thief?

And I'm like what, like what? And I'm texting Amy, the producer, and I was like, what is going on? Like what did would we steal? Something? Like? I like this other podcast lady says that you know I took her idea and her logo and her like what. So I was just so upset, I mean, and then I started kind of doing some research on this, um Tasha girl, and she I mean was like, hey, girls like go after at Cramer girl. I mean they would after me. Yeah, it was it was like Katie Taylor level. I mean

it was. It was a little insane for a while. It was intense, and it hurt my feelings because I don't like to me, the definition of stealing is taking something that you knew about. I didn't steal anything. I didn't steal. I didn't know about her m vlog or podcast. Um. I mean even if you if you were to search her podcast on iTunes, it doesn't come up. So even if I heart, did you know more research about the name or correlating things, it wouldn't have even come up

because it's not a registered podcast on iTunes. But it's also so different because we have different we have different lives to talk about, you know, same topic celebrity stuff. We talk about sex, we talk about marriage, we talked about you know, kids, but who doesn't. And I mean there's so many podcasts that talk about those issues. So for me, what I didn't like about it was and why I ended up saying something was because first of all, she was extremely upset and she called me a nasty word,

and I don't like for me personally. Don't attack me if you don't. First, I don't attack anybody. But if you don't know me, you don't know my heart, then I don't think it's fair for you to like attack someone like that, because get to know me, get to know who I am as a person, and then you

can have your opinion about me. But don't call me a thief, a steeler and a you know what, which could be like if you don't know me and you don't know my intentions in my heart, I don't like that, and that is what really hurt me, and I ended up getting emotional about it because I don't I don't. I don't like it when I understand people are gonna

like me. I understand people aren't going to agree with what I say sometimes, and you know, you might not like my singing voice, you might not like my acting, But if you're calling me something I mean like that and you don't know who I am, I take a huge amount offense to that because it's like, get to know me first, and then if you want to call me a witch with a bee and you really truly think that, then I'm sorry you have the opinion of me. But she didn't get the chance to get to know me.

She didn't. I don't feel like she went around it the right way, and that's I think that's the problem is I understand people share emotions in a different way, and for her it was anger first. And a lot of times I'm emotional first with my feelings, but I just feel like in the world, everyone just goes straight to anger first, and that's not how things get resolved. I don't think, well, nothing gets resolved in anger. But do you think did she listen to the podcast? But

she never listened to it? Her husband listened to it first, Like, you know, she doesn't have her personality because we are We don't have the same personality. We have very different personalities. Well, you have totally different life experiences as well, which makes you different in the way you talk about things, your perspective and everything, right, But regardless, I don't like the fact that someone was hurt. I don't like the fact that she thought I was taking something and her listeners,

you know, her. Her army listeners were kept saying I was a thief and a stealer. So I I ended up reaching out to her a call there and I said, what would make you happy? Because I don't want you to have this opinion of me. I did not take something that I I didn't steal anything, So but what would make you happy? And you know, people saying you don't have to change anything, I'm like, but I want to because I don't like negative energy. So what is it? Is it changing the color? Is it taking away the

wine glass? Like? I'm fine with that because my podcast isn't even about wine. I love wine, but I don't need the freaking wine thing on there. So if that would make you happy, I'll take it down. So we're changing the color and we're gonna, you know, take the wine glass. Okay, who cares? Who cares? But I just as long as you know. I just don't like negative

energy out there. I don't like it at all. And I don't like people that don't get to know someone first before they make their judgment, right, I don't like that. So did you talk to Mike about it? I Mike got upset about it, and I was like do you want to see that. He's like, no, because I will lose it. But I was upset. He came home from work and I was I was like crying when he came home. He's like, hey, what's wrong, And I was

like he was the steeler and thief. But I didn't do anything, and I just wanted this day to be so nice. I was so excited and I just felt like my bubble got bursted. But you know what it showed me, though, was how amazingly loyal incredible my fans are and listeners of this podcast are because they backed me,

and it honestly gave me goose bumps. It made me then cry happy tears to be like, I have so many amazing people following me that do know my heart, that have been on this journey with me, and that are supporting me. So if anything, I'm almost glad it happened because it showed me how great of an audience we have, right And in the end, you know, I I reached out to Tash and I said, I would

love to have you on the show. I'd love to talk to you, know, talk to you about this, and I love At the end of the day, we had communication and we had to resolve. And now two women to moms can support each other because at the end of the day, we need to be supporting each other, not dragging women down, not dragging other people down. Absolutely, I always say, we have to fix each other's crowns instead of like knocking like that. You know, we have

to support each other. And you did that. You you know, decided you were going to put out the first style of branch. I had to. It was eating me the heck up. And you know, again, I know I'm not going to be able to please everyone. I do know that. I get it. You know, I can't make everyone like my singing voice, are my acting or But when it is a personal attack that hurts, it is please get to know me before you judge me, is all I ask. Yeah, it's very painful. Yeah, and did had Mike listened to

the podcast? He did? And you know it's so funny. Is because of the backlash that I'd gotten from Tasha and some of her listeners. I had a feeling I was going to get some backlash from him, So I said, as I was crying, I said, and please just tell me because I know you have He's like well, I have feelings, and I'm like, god, someone else that doesn't like I was just like I was just like bawling, and he's like, hebe no, He's like, he's like, I loved it. You were great. He's like, you know, you

have a voice for radio. He's like, but yeah, some of the stuff you said hurt my feelings and you made me sound like I wasn't a a good dad, and I was like, that was not my intention at all. I was making joke of the fact that, like, you don't know when the dentist would be because you don't, but I did. But I have to be careful that people are listening, and I have to I said, you

know what, You're right. I should have said, but he's a great dad and he's amazing with Jolie and he's like, no, just have me on the show so I can wait. My Bee is he here? He actually is here. But I've like been debating bringing him in because I just because then it's like a real you know, it's real. But the thing is, the reason everyone loves you so much is because you're an open book. And if he's willing to be in the chapters, then you've got to give it to them. Okay, so before I go get

Mike though, UM, we have a great email. So Marcus, I'm the designated email reader. You have a good email voice. Thank you from Nicki. Nicki emailed and said you may never actually lay eyes on this email, but hopefully you will. I follow you on Instagram and I saw your insto story. If you ever want to chat, feel free to email me back. I'm a forty seven year old mom of two. One is twenty one, the other is nineteen. Our marriage

has been through infidelity and I can totally relate. I'm just in northern southern girl from Alabama who works from home and just truly believes in forgiveness. And basically I just wanted to reach out to you because I think you're awesome. I'm about to be an empty nester in about three weeks, so I might need some hugs. Nicky virtual hugs right now. She is. She's on the phone right now. Hi, Thanky, Hi babe. Oh are you I'm good? How are you? First of all, thank you for your email.

Thank you for um, you know, being a friend and listening to the podcast, and UM, I really appreciate it. You are welcome so an empty nester you're about to be I'm about to be an empty nester on first Mama, I know, Oh my goodness, how are you? How are you handling all this? Um? I think I'm in denial because he's still here and trying to finish up school and uh soccer this weekend and just some other things.

So I don't think it'll really hit me until we actually move him out on June one, but took me that around June three. So are you? Um, are you still married? Because I saw in the email? Okay, so so you were able to work through your infidelity. Yes, and it's it's happened twice. So when I watched your Instagram lot or you know, your Instagram stories or your lives, and I saw it and just felt led to email you, and of course you probably saw it. It was just rambling.

You may never see this, but I saw it, you know, after everything that I have gone through. Um, and I've known my husband since we were sixteen and I'm forty seven. UM, I believe everything is possible through through infidelity if you just want to make it work. So so what I mean, because so how many years have you been married? For it will be in September. And when was the last

time that he was did something well? But he was back in two thousand and six, but I was in two thousand and eleven, and on both sides, So how was that? I mean, was it different? That's that's like, was it different when you cheated or did was he more understanding or how does it? How did that like, you know, are you just not over it before? So? Was it like I'm I need to have my avenger it? No, it wasn't even about that, because I was always once

that said, sorry to hear noise. My dogs are playing in the background. If you hear the noise. Sorry. Um, it wasn't anything ever really liked that. I used to be one that would always say, you know, if my husband ever cheated on me, I'm he's out of here, you know what I mean. But when it but when it happened to you, um, you kind of change your heart. Because I sent you all a link, I don't know

if you've got it, um, because I wasn't. I listened to your podcast from the other day, and what caught my attention the most was when you said, you know, I don't don't understand you know, because y'all were talking about sex and you said, I just don't get it. I mean, I'm the one that you know wants it more than he does, so I don't quite understand why, you know, why he did that. So you know, it made me really think, um that have you ever heard

of the five love languages? Okay? So mine are not the same as my husband's, and my husband's are not the same as mine. So when I heard you say that, I don't even know you personally, and I don't even know your husband or your situation, but physical touch may not be one of his love language. Okay. So the other ones are, you know, words of affirmation, access services, receiving gifts, and quality time. So let's say for your situation,

you weren't doing any of those. Like I don't know what he did, I can tell you from being minor, words of affirmation and um acts of service. So I want my husband to say to me, great job, you know you did a great job on that, or hey, not even see that there's are not having me? Um say do the dishes, just see that they're there? Or just hey, I'm on my way home from work, can I stop and get you anything? I don't need gifts, um quality time. I mean you know, I mean, I'm

okay if we have it. If we don't, we usually do. But and I'm not physical touch. So with all that to be said, how we got into our situation was we were not fulfilling each other's needs back into Dolphin six and in two thousand and eleven. And so when you don't fulfill the other person's needs a k A. Love languages, it tends to, I believe, make the other person go to someone who does. And in my personal situation,

it was not a revenge thing. It was we were going through a rough time because it's going to happen again in marriage, meaning we're going to go through a rough time. We just know how to get through it and an affair is not the answer. So when we were going through this in two thousand and eleven, the person that was giving me the words of affirmation and the acts of service it was not my husband. So

that's how it started. And was it a relationship? Did you actually have an emotional relationship with someone outside of the marriage. I did? And how long did it go on? For? Um? About a year And it was a long distance relationship because he was technically my boss. I worked from home, but I had to back then do some traveling, and I had known him for a few years prior and

was never going to cross that that boundary. And you know, I mean, you spend enough time telling this person, you know, okay, my husband's not doing this, and you complain to him. Well, that person knew exactly what to do to kind of reel me in, so to speak. Was he married to Nikki? He was? He was married to m hm. Yeah, And how did how did it end? And how did you did you tell your husband? Yes? Because understand that during the entire year, I would come home, I felt guilty.

I would say I'm never doing this again, and then you know, I'd go on another trip. And I will tell you that throughout the whole year, my husband knew. He just he was waiting for either the opportunity to approach me with it, but he knew there were many many signs that he knew. Um. So it was in February of like two thousand and twelve, and I came home from a trip and on my way home home, the wife of the person actually texted me and the I've seen your emails blah, blah blah blah blah. And

so I called the guy up. I had just left and I called the guy up and I said, I am forty miles from home. I'm going home and I'm telling my husband everything, and you will never hear from me again. And that was it. I mean he I've never talked to him since ever, but he was your boss. Did you change jobs? I did, well, I was working two jobs. I worked from home, so I was working two jobs at the same time. Um, and I changed

my phone number. I cut off all communication with the world he was in, which was that kind of job. And I quit obviously. And um, I mean, to this day have never heard from him. I mean when I said I cut it off. And so I got home and I called my husband and I said, are you almost home? He said, what's wrong? I said, I just to talk to you, and he knew, and he said, I'm on my way, and he came in and I just told him and then we you know, it's one of those you're up until four in the morning, just

kind of crying. Um, So what's during those pass what's been not for five years? Um, we're now like seven years seven? Yeah, what what has gotten you guys here, UM Church big, big time for us. UM my kids, Yes, they do because I don't want them to make the same mistakes that we made and I don't want them to feel like they have to be perfect. And you know, the biggest thing that has gotten us through this is grace. And it's a huge word and it's a big world though.

It is because if if I do not tend to my husband's needs and I'm not perfect, I mean, you would think that life would be easy. I have, you know, one that's twenty one and one that's about to be nineteen, and but um, I fail miserably daily at physical touch. I'm just not a hugger. I'm just not like that he is. And the reason why he doesn't get mad at me anymore about that is because he just shows grace. People would have asked me before, would you ever change

anything with how this all played out? And my answers no, because I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't gone through what I went through. Because this is my purpose. I know it probably sounds silly that I just said an email you don't even know me, but something just said, you know, God said this is your purpose, NICKI. If she never reads it, great, but if she does and you can help her, great because I really feel like we went through twice to help people, and we've

helped quite a few people overcome infidelity. Well, Nikki I, I first of all, I really appreciate you sending an email and listening, and I appreciate you for sharing your story and being authentic and and for helping because that's, you know, one of the reasons why I also want to share about infidelity, because I do want to offer grace and and help people as well. So I just appreciate you. Also, um, not blaming for for your actions

as well. I think that says a lot about you and your character, about the fact that you didn't say, well, you did this, so I did this, and um, you know again for yeah, you're not perfect. Who's perfect, No one is perfect, but you are willing to change for you, for your family, and um, you are helping a lot of people. So thank you for sharing your story. It really encourages me to keep on keep on going. And you know what, you're about to be an empty empty nester,

which I think is great. You and your husband, can you know, spend some amazing quality time together and just you know, go vacation and have fun and enjoy this, enjoy this new beginning together. Good luck on that journey. But no, seriously, thank you so much, Nicky. Appreciate it. You are welcome and good luck and I'm just email away if y'all need any Thanks Nicky, I appreciate it. Thank you. Bye. Okay, So John, if you for used Tello Fresh before I have. I've received the vegetarian boxes

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thirty and enter Cramer thirty. That's Hello Fresh dot com slash Cramer thirty and enter the promo code Cramer thirty. Let's get cooking. So, Jen, do you want to go get my husband? Do we? You don't even know what my husband looks like? So I do. I saw you. Okay, I watched a ton of football in Okay, so find the tall football dude. Guys. I just got a little stick to my stomach. I'm not gonna lie. Um, I'm a little nervous. I'm kind of sweating a little bit.

Good thing I packed you oder it in my purse because I might have to give a little swipe swipe. Um, I'm nervous because I don't We're going to talk, and it's I'm nervous and s saying, well, I do want to say that, you know, I do want to apologize to him for for for saying that he doesn't, you know, know a lot of things, because you know he has he does do a lot of stuff. Guys. I'm like seriously sweating right now. I'm going to use his paper right now. I don't like, Oh my god, here is

you can sit right there. I'm like sweating right now. This is just this is good tension. I like it. Um, Hey babe, hey, how are you? I don't know yet. No, we're just chit chatting, having a good old chit chat for everyone who's listening right now. This is my husband, Michael.

Welcome to my podcast. Um So, I first just want to start off by saying that I do apologize for any feelings that you had that on my first podcast, because I kind of said a little brief thing how when all that drama was going down with Natasha girl, And then I knew that you had feelings about it too, and I was like, I'm sorry, And I think one of the main things for you was that you didn't want to seem like you weren't a present dad. Yes, because you are, so, would you like to defend yourself,

go ahead, Dave the waiting. No, it's just you know, that's the stereotype of a dad, right that we're just in the corner like a gorilla and come home from work and sit on the couch and not do anything. And I think dad's nowadays in general, are more conscious of that. We want to, you know, partake in the daily activities with kids and everything like that. And I pride myself in being a present, you know, hands on dad. And you know, I understand when you kind of joke

around and bash a little bit. It's it's all out of fun. But you know, it's one thing when someone takes pride in it, you want to make sure that that's not a message that's being portrayed. I'm sorry, valid point, valid point, but can you at least admit that, like you wouldn't have known, like when to start preschool for Joel, Like there's certain things that like we just yeah, okay, cool, so okay, So like there are certain things that you

that moms do. Just is it because you guys don't know or or are we just kind of taking it over? I think that's a mother's intuition to is to kind of take the reins on some of these things. But for me, I think every household is different. Like as of right now, you know you're not touring, you're kind of in a transition period on a bunch of little different things that you're gonna do. So I'm working more daily than than you are at this moment, so you're

at home with Jolie more often than I am. So you've kind of taken that responsibility on without us even really having a conversation about it. I think if there's a dad that's in the opposite role, like if this was two years ago and I was in a different role where you were going all the time and I was the one more at home, like I should have stepped up and and done more of those things, um

to kind of take the reins. So I think there are dads out there that are probably doing that they are informing their wife, Hey honey, this is when she has to go to the dentist, this is when he starts school, and so on and so forth. Well, I do appreciate how hands on you are with really, because I mean one of the you know that, like one of the reasons I have stayed with you for as long as I have is because is because you are

an incredible dad. Like on paper, you know, it doesn't look pretty, but like you know, when I look at it, it's like you are a very hands on dad. Like you are. You love Jolie so much and you you're investing, you invest amazing time with her. And you know, I have a few moms that text me and will say like, man, like Mike is like he's such a good dad, Like I just see like he's on the ground, like rolling around with you know what I mean, Like you're you're

great dad. So that's something that like you should pride yourself in great husband. You're working on it. You know. What's really funny, as we just had a caller Nikki, and she was talking about love languages, which I think is interesting because we have very different love languages, you know, like, well, like mine is mine is touch obviously, and then words of affirmation in yours is Mine's more acts of service and uh one is words sometimes so words of words

are the same, but the acts of service. I'm like, so, did you guys just figure out your love languages? We went to this amazing retreat about it was last last year. Yeah, it was. It's a great place. It's called on site. Um. It's amazing actually, and it was retreat. We I went a couple of times. I went for UM like a living center and learned to love yourself, healing trauma UM. And they also do like couples too. So Mike and I went for three days no cell phones. I mean,

you stay at this ranch. It's beautiful. It's in in um Cumberland, Cumberland, Tennessee, No Columbia, Tennessee. Yeah. Um. And we learned a lot of stuff there, and that's one I think that's where we learned the love languages for sure, and how yeah, we share those, but it's also very different as well, right, and so did you come back from that and implement that into your marriage? Not until a year later? Interesting, we didn't. We know that we

can figure a lot out of us. Yeah, I mean we were pretty much we kind of Jane's good friends with the guy who runs the place and going into it, we basically kind of customize our own, uh therapeutic schedule. We're like, look, we need a therapist in a room just us for like three days. Let's do this. Um let's just a breaking point. It was just something that we needed to try to just we needed to sit in a room for three days and just hash everything out,

start from and start from the beginning. But but it we It's it's funny now that we say, like we didn't implement it because there's certain things like remember how we said we're supposed to say like, um like if you had a feeling that I'm supposed to repeat your feeling. We didn't do that for about a year after that. So what happened in this year that you guys came back and then you didn't implement any of the things that you learned? What was that? You're like, what was

going on? We there was still just a lot of tiptoeing around certain things. Yeah, we had what we wanted it to look like, but I think there was still a lot of you know learning. I mean, I'll let you. I think you had a lot to like. I think you just hit your uh about a week ago. I mean, the thing is, until someone wants to change themselves, there's no amount of therapy, no amount of talking, you can do about it, until you make that decision for your show.

Not saying you didn't want to change yourself, but it just you weren't. It didn't click for you. No, it didn't click for me. Um. I was still you know, my pride and ego were still fighting against each other and against my um my kind or beliefs in my what I wanted to portray authentic, my authenticity the um. So there's an internal battle there for a while on

on kind of those things. And finally to to kind of put my my child stuff aside the way I've said, how set in my way as I was, and to put away my pride and ego into be vulnerable and intimate and stuff like that, which I still, you know, have struggled with. But I think men in general, just you know, the way society is kind of teaches us from a young age too not be as intimate and vulnerable. And that's something that I continue to work on with Jana.

So that's fantastic, But what was the breaking But that's great, But what so you came back and through that year, you you guys were digesting all this information and everything. What was the breaking point where you guys were like this is it? Or yeah, yeah, we know what it is. But it was ultimately it was Janna. It was her being like, look, I'm giving you every opportunity I am, I am here, I am willing to work on this. I want this family to work. Basically, step up or

get out. Um. And it was I mean, it got to a point where it was an ultimatum. Um. And that's where and that's where I hit my breaking point. She hit her breaking point and I hit mine. It's like I don't want to lose her. You know, I don't want to lose Joanna. I don't want to lose our family. I don't want to lose what we are trying to build. Um. So yeah, and here you are and here we are, and how's it going. Well? We had a couple of therapy last night, UM, and it

went good. It's just it's hard. It's one of those things where I have my work to do now and he still has his work. So we just have to work and grow together, right, And it's tough because a lot of the time, I still get I get triggered a lot, whether I watch a TV show, I mean, I got triggered with the Chloe and Tristan stuff, you know, of of that, So it's like I could watch a TV show, I could watch a movie. I mean. And when you get triggered, what happens. He can sense it.

Sometimes he'll say, I'm sorry if this is triggering you, or sometimes I just shut it off. Sometimes I lash out and I'm like, I can't believe you did that. It's like, but what my job is now because I have I'm doing my work as well, is to stay present. What is he doing to be a better like what is he doing to actively fight and be good? And you know like he he isn't doing those things anymore. So it's what is today? What is right now? And

it's tough. It's hard staying present and it's hard for him to be able to you know, see why I'm hurt because you know, his his pride and he's like, oh, I'm doing I'm not doing anything wrong right now. But it's also them right yeah, I mean, it's it's tough when our minds will be in two different areas where I will be very present because obviously, as a perpetrator, you want to move past what you've done to hurt somebody, right, So that's what every day I'm trying to just show

face and do something different. And then when she gets into a triggered space or a hurt space, she's basically going back in time. You know, it's not right now. It's not how she feels right now, it's how those feelings back then are affecting her in this moment um. So that's been difficult for for both of us and for me especially too in those moments to set what I'm doing aside right now and go and travel back in time with her and to be there for in

those emotions. And that is why. So I'll say, you said, what is different now he is able to be not defensive because what didn't work the past two years was I would say a feeling, and the majority of the time he'd be defensive and he'd get into shame and so feelings weren't hurt. I'm like, yeah, but you did like these things, and it's like, but he got stuck in a shame, so he wasn't able to meet my

feelings and so that I didn't feel hurt. And then once both we're both just talking out of you know, right feelings. So what is different now is he's able to meet me with my emotions and understand understand that he validate my feelings, acknowledge them and we can move forward and but also staying in the present. That's incredible. So what are you guys doing to have some fun? Because there's spent all this pain, Like, what are you

doing now? You guys are kind of on the other side of this because you were working so hard, So what's what's the fun? Well, we have some things coming up soon that I think we'll be fun. Like we're taking a family vacation for fourth of July, so that's going to be fun. We're planning in theory where my my best friends getting married next year in Scotland, so we're going to plan like a European thing and he's take me to Paris and um, so we have things

to look forward to. But and also, you know, for me, one of our sort of arguments is I want time set aside for date nights, doing two weeks well and I think where where we butt heads is He's like, why do I have to He's like, I, you know, I I'll let you defend yourself on that one before I go into it. It's it's not about a fan. I want date nights too, It's just I need a

cracker s Do you finish? Yes? Thank you? Um? For me, like, I want date nights just as much as Jana, But my fears of not being enough is is this state night enough for her? Is it something? Does she want more? Does she want less? And also for me, it's like I am working now, I am working crazy hours, and so we have like therapy set aside, and I have my stuff and she has her stuff, and it's like sometimes for me just having time at the house together,

like that's enough for me. Like that just like yeah, like us. And I'm not saying that's not enough for me either, though, but there's sometimes where I would like, baby, I want to take you out. You know, every two weeks doesn't have to be every Friday or every Saturday. Can be Wednesday. It could be you love your Wednesdays. She's getting divorced, so sorry, honey, you're not gonna get no Wednesdays. For me trying, but I just I'm just

saying sometimes setting aside time a thoughtful time. And again I love the Netflix Netflix Nights and movie nights, like last night was awesome. We watched the Old Time Movie and it was fun. But going to the movie is that is enough? It is enough. But that's the problem. Our childhood stuff comes back to us in our adult life and he thinks that going to the movies is not enough for me. It would be enough. It's going to the grove, you know. Sometimes don't even have to

be anywhere, you know, just have an appointment. No, it's just there. Again, things happen that valid at your fears. Right, so there here we go. This is this is your fault. You put me on the mic. Um. So there have been times where you know, we have gone to the movies and dinner again, which we which I feel like any couple that's like to go to write dinner in the movie. Um. And so we've done that. And one of my favorite things to do is go to the movies. Yeah,

that is true. I love it. Catch me on Tuesday at two o'clock, Mattine, I'm in heaven. Um. But you know she's made comments where it's just like, hey, you know, I want to do something different, and I'm all, I'm all for that too. How many times have I that I wanted to go to ballet? You know what? I tried to do the ballet, but what happened? Yeah, exactly.

Remember we couldn't because you were sick. Yeah, I know, but I'm just saying it's maybe one time, let's dress up and go somewhere, okay, which brings me to my next point. So again, it's all about timing for me. So I understand if she wants to say, hey, I would love to dress up next date night or whatever,

I'm all for that. Not when we're getting ready to go out for a date night, which is that night happens to be just dinner in a movie, and as we're getting ready, she's like, you want to be really great? Is if we just went out and dressed up one night and stuff like that. So for me, immediately, I'm like, you're gonna say that to me right when we're about to go on a date night. So clearly tonight to me,

that means tonight isn't enough. To me, that means tonight isn't what she wants to do so again, it's all about timing for me. Communication. It sounds like you guys need to communicate on what you want to do on date nights. Maybe one can be casual, then the other one can be fancy where you go to the ballet and you get trusted up. I just want to, like, I want the romance back in the marriage. Now, let

me ask Jenn, let me ask you a question. So but I feel like, and again, maybe this is just the way I take things that things might be a test. And that's like one of my number one pet peeves is being tested. So it's like you say, your significant other or Janna says to me, hey, you know, let's have a date night, and you know you plan it. If I say, hey, let's just go to dinner in a movie, is that is that cool with you? And she's like yeah, But really it's not because she wants

a test. She's testing me to see if I'm gonna do more, testing me to see if I'm gonna do something better, Like did you ever do that to your soon to be excellent I didn't because we didn't have that much communication so and we didn't really spend any time together. So I think we just sort of live

separate lives. And but I think I understand what you're saying because I do have friends that do that, and it's it's unsettling because you feel like then the other person is really disappointed, and then then it turns murky. Then you're out on the date night and you guys aren't talking, you're not laughing, No one's having fun because everybody's in their head the whole time because one person

didn't really want to do that. The other person thinks they don't want to do that, but they're not talking about it because nothing was said beforehand going into the day. Look, I want to go to the movies with you, I want to do dinner with you. I just want a little romance back in the marriage. Once a month, that's all it is. Once a month. I bring in, like, you know, like just be Mr Big once a month and just goes. It's not you just want to like be the notebook. I'm like, once a month, Yeah, be

my Ryan Gosling. I think every woman wants to. Oh, speaking of Ryan Gosline, your first date night should be tajeen On robertson What's Up? Ryan owns it and it is the most romantic little Moroccan restaurant. It is so romantic, and I want you to say, if you're a bird, I think Ryan owns it. I could be wrong, it could be a different Ryan Um, but it made me

think about it. I think you guys should sit down and come up with the list of date nights and things and activities that you want to do, and then you can just choose off the lip. But can a girl just have her movie sometime? Yeah? Like I just want and I mean not like the AMC movie. I mean like I want, like I do every once in a while. I want to feel like a freaking princess

and not feel like just a mom. You need to put down what you want the places like the ballet, the orchestra, whatever, Hollywood Bowl in Netflix, and then he can choose off the list and then you're never disappointed because it's everything you've chosen, but you just don't know when it's coming. Yeah, okay, but I got a butt for everything. And I will say Janet does a great job at this UM, but I just don't know what

it is. But thanks. In general, though, again, it shouldn't all be on the husband or the mail or the boyfriend to come up with date nights like it shouldn't. It's a lot of pressure. Yeah, it is a lot of pressure. We do a fairly good job at trading off date nights. Um. I mean I'm pretty easy because if we could say dinner. Yeah, in his date nights are the majority, we're going to see whatever. I'm like, oh great, or the Avengers. That's exactly what I wanted

to do, babe. Yeah. Like no, I think he sometimes honestly gets in fights with me so that he can go to the movies by himself. He's like, I'm very bye, just because that's my go to that's my sanctuary. Yeah all right, Well, but I really appreciate you being on the show. I hope you, Um, I hope you are a guest once again, because we will. We'll talk about some more juicy stuff next time with you, and next time I'll prepare before I come into the lines. Then

that's what you need to call. Then there's our new name. I love you. You two are so inspiring just because you guys are really doing the work. It's really impressive and it's really inspiring for people. Well, I do love them. Shoot, I try to love you bab if it's really annoying that I love you, I appreciate it. Okay, So Jen, I'm gonna let you take this one because you are an actual user of Lola. I am. I've been using them for about a year and a half. I get them.

What are monthly? They're tampons. But what they're different Panic, They're organic, they're cotton, they yes, and they come in three different sizes mix. You can order mixed boxes. They have panny liners and they just arrive. You're like, Oh, I must be it's time, She's here, Lola's here lol box. Um, that's amazing. So for everyone listening, you can get off all subscriptions. Visit my Lola dot com and enter the promo code Janna when you subscribe, that's my Lola dot

com promo code Janna. You know what I think is really cool about loloo as you can actually build your box. You can build a box of eighteen tampons by picking the perfect mix of light, regular, super, super tampons. I mean, I love that it's customizable because for me, when I go to the store and get tampons, it's frustrating because I don't want so many regular or so many like you know, no, because everyone's cycle is different and you need the different you know, the different sizes for the

different days. I think it's amazing that you can customize and you can decide how many boxes you want deliver to your door. It's you know it, and you know it skip if you if you're getting too many, you can cancel you It's it's you can modify your subscription at any time and you never run out because they always arrive at the right time. I don't know if you know this that I'm vegan and I have been for years, and so I was always worried about what

I was putting into my body constantly. But I was buying tampons that were perfumed, right, You're like, wait a minute, and non organic. And when Lola I saw the first AD, I immediately got online and registered and I've been getting them every like, I think since the first I mean I may have been one of the first people to order.

I think that's great. I mean, knowing that they're organic, I mean it makes me feel better about I mean, because I you know, I'm very health conch us, but to be putting something in my body, I want it to be organic because there's no added chemicals, fragrances, synthetics, or dies. And we used to be so careful about that now absolutely so of all subscriptions, visit my lola dot com and enter the promo code Janna when you subscribe. So switching gears. I need to talk to my girl

Christa because she's got a very uh intriguing story. I can't wait to hear this story. I have so many questions, so many questions, me too, and I'm glad Mike's here too. Christa. Hello, hey girl, So I'm just going to give you the Mike. You just tell me this story. You tell everyone who's listening the story, because I Am not going to be able to say it as good as you. Which part do you want to hear? You moved into that part?

Oh you're talking about my next thing? Yes? Um. So, I went through a pretty not fun worth a while back and we uh, I thought it was a great idea to divide our time in our house and one of us live in a local hotel and then switch back and forth. Oh so you were home sharing. I did this for a little while. It's the worst. First we did this sharing in the home, so that's how

we started. Someone in the guest room and then you switch. Yeah, certain nights you got the mic would be out, get out, I try to kick him out of our room, warms and that I just didn't go over a while. It didn't go well for us either. That's why we started the hotel version, which also did not go well. What do you have children? Is this why you decided on

the home sharing? Um, we do. We have four children, okay, And they were in the house, so he would come stay on his nights, cracked and take care of the kids. And then you would go to the hotel and find myself like a lonely loser. Oh my god, that must have been awful. How much did you drink? It was terrible. I didn't even have the energy to drink wine. I just sat there alone. The rest of my life is giving this dark and miserable. But wait a minute, it's

not though, because you're remarried. Oh no, not great. I'm just saying how I felt that, right, Okay, now tell us about this. So you're remarried, are you guys? You guys aren't home sharing. You're not home sharing with the X. I remarried someone who wants to be in the same house with me, So that's great. Yeah, together every night in the same bedroom, in the same bedroom. And then when we split, the kids now, so now the kids

are nesting. And what about the ex wife. I heard that you moved into your now husband's house but his ex wife was still there. No, that okay. For the story is she had moved out well before we started dating, but she sort of moved out and she ghosted in the middle of the night. She left, um and didn't come back. And so my now has been said, hey, um, if you want to come back and get your stuff, you can come back. Um, I'm gonna leave with the

kids for four days, just take whatever you want. But she was living the life, like in Vegas or something, and she didn't come back. So she sent her mom here and her mom got a pile of clothes and that was it, and I think it dressed her. So a couple years later, when I married my now husband and I moved into the house, everything was still there and my god, all out like we're talking everything like you know, makeup and I mean baby albums, all the

kids are. Really you would think as a mom you want to take with you she left behind, So where is she now? Down the street? Was married? Wait, she lives down the street now pretty much down the street. Okay, I have have to know when you moved in? Did did all the furniture go? Did the bed go? Did you get all the stuff? Sure? Mostly? I mean if I could kind of like we we have completely different taste. She was into pink, some floral and so I feel like I kind of made it a little more more,

you know what. I still if I picked the slip covers off, you could have those two chairs. Did she come get the baby albums? And stuff? Still doesn't have the baby albums? Um? How do you do? You guys like get along for the sake of the children? Though? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I just we don't talk much. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine on both sides. My ex husband has a new wife. That's what I want to ask you a question about that. So you guys share how many kids together you and

your ex husband? My ex husband I share for let's be my new husband and I we have seven, So I think my husband's um. I think my biggest problem, and this has been an issue, is if we were to get divorced. My biggest thing is the girl that comes into my daughter's life or because I'm like, I just I'm like, I don't want them calling my child their stepdaughter like she is my daughter. So how are you going around that? You know that part you can't

really change. We were lucky. We don't have kids calling the other parents. You know what they aren't. You know they I'm by my first name because my stepkids, and you know, they called my husband my ex husband's wife her first name. So that's fine, but I would not be surprised if my youngest daughter didn't love me equally to her step mom. And that's hard. You know, you want someone great who they love, but not that much.

I know, and it's like you want like happy parents on each side, but internally that would just kill me. It's brutal. I'm like, wait, we've got the same mothers. They give up so great? Uh you know like that it's like, oh, the birthday post went up on Instagram. They're identical. That's so great. Uh, you know that that's hard. But she's I mean, are you like, could you say your friends with her? No? No, I could not. Um, I could not say that because her best friend is

my husband's ex wife. Oh my god, I just that just realized what you said. Say it again. Okay, my ex husband's wife is best friends with my husband's ex wife, and they were not before. This is a new thing and now they travel together, they do Thanksgiving together, when we don't have a kid, Christmas tas mouth yes. And if one more person tells me how great it is for the kids and I lose this, let's just be honest. All So here's here's my thing too. Um, I want

to know how you go around this. I I'm staying with my husband through some difficulties. One of the reasons is because I don't want the other girl to get the version that I deserved, And then you need to stay together. Good as good answer, good answer. But I'm just saying because I'm like I do believe he can. He is changing into the version that he wants to be of himself, and I don't want that other girl to get what I have fought for and cried for

and begged for and done all those things. Now, if you know, if he keeps continuing to being bad, then piece out. Good luck with the other one. But wish you the best but is that hard for you to maybe see your husband being a better version or is he still kind of the same person that he was when he was saying to you? Yeah, you know, I would say his versions mediocre. My new husband is a much better version than he was before, and so that then that ex wife is mad. Yeah, I would bet.

I would bet that's part to see. He changed a lot, and I think for the better, of course. But you know, my ex husband he's pretty much the same. He didn't change that much. Yeah, I was never worried about that. You were neither. See, that was like one of the big word like I don't want home girl. They have getten like your good version, like that I want? Right, No, I think it happens all the time. I know, and

I'm like, that's not fair. And then I'm home at a hotel being you a couple of years ago, Like, right, Bill, I have to say that I'm a better version, and so that's kind of a good thing. You become a better verson too, That is true. It goes both ways. And I do like hearing stories too about people that do become best friends with Like I have a girlfriend that is best friends with her husband's ex wife, and

they're great. They have dinner parties together. I try. I thought that would have been fun too, and it sounds fun, but it's it has to be that perfect match. Yeah, I think so, And I think you know, we have so many kids that it's impossible for us not to parents, and sometimes when your parents someone else's kids, that causes issues on both sides. What do you think, Mike, would it be hard for you to see me with another dude? Well? Yeah, absolutely, I mean that's my number one, just like you said

for me. And the difference here is you're a public figure. Like no one would post a picture of me with my new girlfriend and Jolie on a magazine. I would have I would have to see you. I'm like the first page of a magazine with your new man with like Juliana shoulders, Chris Pratt. Yeah, yeah, all these all these thys right now really not helping my case. Like she could just go have anybody and she stuck with Rod,

not my thing. Yeah, So, I mean that's definitely difficult, and I can't even imagine with you know, as multiple kids as you guys have and share and kind of the natural ancestral relationship that there is there. We're just overlapping of parenting. And but I think the fact that you guys are putting the kids first and you're, you know, doing the best y'all can do, you know for them, I think is great. No, it is great, And the kids are great together, so that that makes it easier

on both sides. The kids get along well. I love that. Well, thank you Christopher sharing your awesome story. And I'm glad you're happy second time around hey and in a house not in a tell room. Yeah, thank you so much, girl. I am overwhelmed by the love that you guys have given um the show, So thank you so much. And I appreciate all the emails. If you have an emailed us, please do. It's Janne Kramer at i heeart media dot com.

And I want to share two emails right now. We got and again there were so many, and I promise I'm gonna address as many emails as I possibly can. Um, but Mark take it away, well, let me I can shorten a couple of these too, Like Jessica, almost to know how you feel about playing music during sex. My husband thinks it's weird. Um, you know what that it's seven o'clock the death, if it's that song browing It Okay, Let's get smooth too. Is Janet Kramer one album? No,

I mean honestly, for me, it doesn't matter. I do know. I will say when we do have sex, though, we make sure that like Puppy Dog Pals isn't on or something right, you know what I mean, Like, if there's something that's going to distract the mood, we turn off. But if it's you know, I'm fine with music. Okay, Melissa, I'm going through infidelity having such a hard time. If you can talk about how you're moving forward and how to it passed it, I could really use advice from

someone going through the same thing. Love you, Melissa. First off, it is it is a tough, tough thing, and I think, honestly, I would like for infidelity to be an episode on its own, um so because because it's it's it's longer than just a two minute response. But I will say in this moment, right now to you. I will address it on a further future podcast show, But for right now,

my advice is stay in the present. If you guys are both willing to work on it, and there are boundaries in place for both of you and staying present. It's so hard. It's like I can just go on for like the whole thing. We'll do in two weeks episode four. We will talk about infidelity, but right now, just stay present and if he is willing, if you are willing to work on it, it can work. Did she say who was? She did not act who the

infidelity was going through it. There's a common assumption right there. I'm just saying both to work. I didn't say whoever the perpetrator was. Whoever the perpetrators needs boundaries. I'll bring you on episode for and we'll talk about it. We will. Okay, great, bring it on. Alicia is a nurse and she wants with your thoughts on screen time for the kids. Do you limit Julie's screen time? We do limit her screen time. Um some look, some days might be longer. Some days

we'll watch a movie. If it's a Sunday and I'm tired, my husband and I are tired and we just want to watch a movie. We're going to watch a movie and it's not gonna up. But a doctor only said an hour a day. But I'm not going to sit in front of the TV. The entire day, so we do limited that we don't let her have her iPad unless we're traveling or at a restaurant and want to

have an adult conversation. Okay, Brittany mentions how you mentioned how incompetent their partners can be when bearing the mental loade of their households. We covered this earlier, but her question is if you could go back and established different boundaries, would you do so, and how would you handle it differently? If I could go back and establish different boundaries, I would say, Hey, Mike, Jolie needs a dentist appointment coming up.

Can you please make that appointment? So not just putting it all on me, and I think delegating Again, it's very hard because I I'll just do it my way. But if I can delegate, my husband is very willing to reciprocate. So it's hard. But I think the first step is trying to ask for help. Ask for help. It's hard though, but yeah, it is. But also again, people have different timelines, so give a a date for

them the next two weeks. Be specific about what you're asking because the whoever you're asking, whether you're if you're asking your spouse, their timeline might be different, but if you have a sense of urgency about it, then you have to articulate that to them. Okay, then are you still stress eating because it's Shane is too tired for sex with her husband. She knows he's frustrated, and she wants to know if you have any thoughts for that.

The end of the day, her sex drive is gone. Look, I get it being a mom if even if you're not a mom, the end of the day, if you're working and you're tired and you or you just don't want to have sex, I get that. But at the same time, we all have needs, so you need to meet your partner's needs at the end of the day. I mean if it's been a couple of weeks or a mom Like for me personally, I think we need to meet our partner's needs them with a couple of

light ones. Savannah, where do you shop for swimsuits? I try to avoid it all costs, but yes, Target, do you have any favorite perfumes you could recommend Savannah as well? And finally, just a nice note here from Ryan from a small town in New York. I just wanted you to know that I'm such a big fan and have been since. I originally hated your character on One Tree Hill, but then Alex grew on me. You crushed it on Dancing with the Stars and I still think you should

have won. Your music is wonderful. It's probably not typical for a guy. Ryan is a guy, a guy that is twenty one almost twenty two to be a big out of your work, but I am. I just wanted to let you know how awesome you are and that will always be a fan. Isn't that nice? That is so sweet. I love that a dude's listening to so thank you. I appreciate Watch it, buddy. I just want to thank my guest we had, Nikki Krista, my lovely husband. Of course, producer Jen is amazing sitting in with us

and UM. If you guys have any questions or any topics you want to talk about, go to Jane Kramer at iHeartMedia dot com. UM. Also, thank you, Hello Fresh and Lola. You guys are awesome and I'm excited to wind down again with you next week.