Wind Down with Janet Kramer and Michael Coughlan and I'm her radio podcast. All right, welcome to another episode of wind Down with Janna Kramer and Michael Cosson. We have my beautiful wife Jannet back with us. Yay yay.
It's like a rap party right.
Now, it is. How are you feeling?
Well? We wrapped?
Uh? What day?
We wrapped on Saturday? Saturday? We wrapped on Saturday. I'm and like, I am the biggest baby when it's the last day, because I just cry. I don't know, I just think it's so sad because.
You spend so many hours, like with these people for so long.
Yeah, it feels like summer camp, do you know what I mean, where it's just you are so close with them, and then it's then it's like I'm probably not going to see these people again.
Like they're your best friends for a few weeks.
Yeah, they're just your besties and you have like just the best you know time, and then you're just like okay.
Bye a month. For a month, it's like twelve to fourteen hours a day you're spending with them more.
Than that, yeah, sixteen hour days. Well no, but I mean I'm I'm happy. I just it's just crazy that this. I didn't think we were going to be able to finish the movie, and a lot of people were asking if this was the movie that got shut down in March. But this is a different movie. I don't think that movie's gonna happen again. But the uh, we got shut down obviously the first week for the pneumonia, the second
week of COVID, third week. So I'm just we for sure thought we were going to get shut down because I just I don't know how a production can handle that, right.
And I was just, oh, man, I was praying for you guys that you would just because I know y'all wouldn't last one more shutdown. No, like the movie would have gotten axed, and that would have just been such a blow for you, I know, like you know, with your energy and just morally and you know everything like that. It's just it would have been a big blow. And I would have felt terrible if that wuld happened to you again twice.
But we finished it. We're so excited it's airing. We're hoping by Veterans Day because we have a really big element with veterans in it, so we hope by then, but if not, it'll be on Lifetime. It's called the Welcome Home Christmas. Yeah, So I'm just I'm really excited.
I can't I'm excited. This was the least amount that I've been like two set. Yeah, you just went once, and even though it was the closest one.
Well, I mean, yeah, that is true, but I mean with all my friend Catherine came, but she got kicked off. Right, we couldn't we couldn't have visitors unless it was exterior shots.
Between that and then the other day I was going to come and spend like all day was a day that I got shut down, and you know, so it was. It was just more difficult, even though it was so close.
How were you during that time?
I was fine. I'm more deductive when you're around.
Obviously, No, I didn't mean to say like that. That sounded bad. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say like that. But we got into an argument because of that, which is where that obviously came from. Is because the one day that I had off, well, I wouldn't even say off. We've been promoting our book stuff. So that was like
a big press tour day for our book. And you know, I just start to notice, like every room I walked into it was just messy, and I was just yeah, yeah, and I just was like, oh my gosh, Like and I even said, like I said, I set expectations before the movie even started. I said, my fear is that when I come home from work, there's gonna be stuff I have to do and and you know, laundry and and I have to focus on my job and then my time with the kids when I get those few
precious hours. And you know, you said absolutely, you know, we'll take care of things. And and so when three weeks later, and like I think you went to go drop Jolie off and there was just, I mean stuff everywhere.
Two of the rooms full of stuff happened like that morning because I was rushing to get the kids out breakfast stuff I hadn't cleaned up, so the kitchen looked like a mess, even though it was all from that morning.
So I just start like cleaning, because that's me. I'm waiting for my hair and makeup girl Tearen to come over before I press Eddy, and I'm just like cleaning, cleaning and cleaning, and then so I'm just like getting a little bit more annoyed and frustrated. I'm like, man, like, I'm like, I got even like lines still on. And so Mike comes home. What did I say? I know it was super passive, but what did I I said something about cleaning something up.
Yeah, and it was just super passive. Oh.
I was like, man, just you know much I clean the house or something like there's a lot a lot of.
Stuff, a lot of stuff laying around. I was like, yeah, there is, and I you.
Know, I could have said it a lot better. And I know now that I could have been like, hey, I'm really frustrated that there's a lot of you know, I just feel like it's all on me to have to when I'm done filming to clean the mess. And so I just feel like I'm being suffocated right now. And so we get into this huge thing right before.
Our press perfect time.
Perfect time. And what's even funnier is that my girlfriend Catherine, who's also like our day to day manager, she comes in and she goes, oh my god, I'm so glad I didn't say anything. She's like, because I told her. I was like, oh, we're fighting right now. She's like, I'm so glad I didn't say anything. She's like, because when I first walked in, I was like, Wow, your house is messy. She's like, that's what I thought to myself. I was like, oh my god, Mike would have lost it.
We probably would have laughed at that point.
I would have thought for sure that you guys colluded and you text would have you texted her to say that when she came in.
Yeah, that's probably that's so something you do. Would think.
That's because that's something y'all would do.
Sure. Yeah, So but you know, today we we cleaned a bunch and I tackled that laundry room. That was.
When all it was it was, It wasn't dirty. It's just stuff that need to be put.
Away anyway, which is so funny because I think it's a dude thing because you don't put it away and that's you move it from one station to the next. And I just think that's so funny because even when you like claim to clean up, I'm like, Hannie, I really appreciate you clean. That's I said that. I feel like I said it from a good I was like, hey, babe,
I really appreciate you help helping clean right now. But when you do do you mind just putting it actually away because you just put the ring light in the in the room. I would just appreciate it if you can move it into the closet where it belongs and you I appreciate you not taking it personal. I said, okay, Yeah, there was so something already thought.
No.
I was like, okay, but like, what is the okay underneath that? I'm just curious, Like even when he said okay, I'm like, there's something under that.
No. Yeah, for me, it was there wasn't anything underneath of it. It was just me internally like not taking it personal. It is me doing my work to not take it personally. Because I was like, Okay, she's coming from a good place. She's asking very nicely, very softly. You're talking to me softly. You're not, you know, being passive or aggressive or anything like that. So I was just like okay, and too, I didn't this wasn't underneath
of my okay, there literally was nothing but it. But it came to my head just now where I was like, not just the being bossy, but you know, when I moved the ring light, it was something that Jana I was cleaning up something of Jana's So it was like, here, I am trying to clean up something of yours and you have the audacity to correct me.
And where I put it, we want to compare apples to apples.
I'm not coming I'm not comparing anything. I'm just saying to March's point, we're saying just the general annoyance of being bossed around. That's what came up for me. What could be part of it for some people but not me? Not me?
That's funny. I would I would love to go head to head on that though.
Anyway, there's something I want to bring up from the movie. So let's take a break and get to that. Okay, So you got you were doing like questions or something one day on your Instagram and you got a great question in regards to me and when we're talking about love interest and the romantic scenes or the kissing scenes, and we had a discussion about it, and you you responded to the question well, because I was like, you know, I respect what you do, I respect you, I trust you.
You know, we typically talk about it beforehand. Again, it's been lifetime in Hallmark Kisses, so it's been nothing to worry about. Yet, you know, I always try to assert myself within that environment and meet your co star and get to know them and everything so I can humanize it. But you were asking me, You're almost like worried that I didn't get more like I didn't get jealous. It's not You're like, why aren't you jealous?
No, well, no, because a situation arose. Let's just you know, I'm not gonna but where you know, maybe the other person's was jealous or something or could have been jealous. And I to you, I'm like, well, why aren't like why aren't you Like I'm just like I'm just I was more like a question, like I was just like
I was interested by it. You know, I'm like, here, I am working with an attractive other counterpart, and you know some of the things that you know happened, Like you know, he was at our house and you know, like you went to a guys night and I'm like, you're leaving, like he goes. I was like where are you going? And he's like, I'm going into a friend's house. And I was like, but Brandon's here, and You're like yeah, And I was like okay. I was like that's a
uh huh. And he's like I trust you, and I go, huh, you literally didn't. I was like okay. But and then at like then I was like, that's just weird. And so I started talking to some of my girlfriends and I was like, that's just weird. I was like, would you and here's the thing, and I said, would you be okay with that? And of course if you flop it like no for for girls. But I did ask some guys and they were like, I wouldn't be comfortable
with that. So then I started to think, well yeah, And so so sometimes I think I'm like okay, Sometimes I think that you trust me because you want that same trust, you know, so you you do things to then want the same thing back because you're all about equality and autonomy and all of those things. So because that's how you base a lot of our things. Well, if you can do this, then I can do this. And if I can't do that, you know, and it's kind of like that, well, I'm gonna let you do that,
so then I should be okay to do that. So that's like how you know, how you're kind of like structured. And so I feel like when I was talking to a girlfriend about this, They're like, well, you know, he probably wants that same thing in return, and I'm like, granted, yes, get that. I was like, but I'm like, let's swap it. So like we asked a few dudes kind of the same question. They're like, now, like I wouldn't let like I wouldn't leave. And then I'm like, why isn't he jealous?
Like I don't get it. Like I was like, this, that's just interesting to me, And I like I get and I oh, by the way, I love it, Like I love that you trust me, I love that you are so supportive in my work and all of those things, like so supportive. But I just am like, it just was an interesting thing.
First, I I I reassured channel. I was like, it doesn't have to do My motivation behind this situation had nothing to do with me wanting that same kind of trust and return. It was literally it was a few things. It was again, there's there's circumstances that need to be had. Number one, this was like the second night he was staying with us, so we had had it okay, So it wasn't like the first night. This was the second night.
The night before we hung out all night talk told stories, got to know each other, hung out all day that day. He has a wife and three kids. So I'm like, okay, if it was a single guy.
No, So okay, So you would trust me with the married man, but you wouldn't trust me with a single man. So what So that's an interesting.
It's see, that's the thing you're making it about trusting you. It's not about trusting you. It's about it's more so trusting the guy. It's feeling him out. And just like girls can kind of sense that girls, guys can kind of do that with guys and so. But even so if Kevin my buddy, you know, oh yeah he you know, even if he was single, I'll be like, all right, see keV.
Well that's different. I mean, so Kevin was a love interest in my last few films, and I mean we've like the rapport. He's stayed at our house and you probably left like like he's like right, brother, right.
But I'm saying like, so it's definitely the whole single marry thing isn't the end all be all, But like in this particular situation, if he had been single, I probably wouldn't have So again, it's about feeling them out. It's about asserting my presence. And again I even told Jane, I was like, not to toot my own horn a little bit, but being six six, two hundred and forty pounds kind of helps a little bit, you know, deter
someone from trying something. So that and then and then the other root of it, too was was deeper than just wanting that same trust was in return. It was I had a guy's night planned I think like the week prior, I canceled it because is when you got pneumonia. Yeah, so Janet got in sick, so I canceled it. Obviously not a good time to hang out with a bunch of people, and Jane is that sick. So I postponed
it to this following week. And just because their production shut down and they had some days off and got to be at the house, I was like, does that mean I have to change my schedule again because of someone else's. So it's like this other deep rooted thing where I'm like, oh, your schedule changes, so all of a sudden, I have to change mine again.
And so it's a deep core through our relationship in general.
Right, Yeah, that's a deep thing too, just with our relationship so much of Jana's schedule kind of naturally dictating what's going on in our life and where we have to be and all of that. So it was just like that was part of it too where I was I didn't want to have to postpone again when it wasn't I felt comfortable with it. And just because their schedule change doesn't mean mine has to, Like, that's not fair.
Like if you'd have been, like, if you'd have given me for leaving, well, I wouldn't triggered me.
No, And I know that because I know, like one of our deepest discussions and arguments are if things have to change because of my schedule, So I would have never given you crap. I just was more like a huh oh, I'm so confused. Oh, Mark, Well, I have.
A question difficult questions. Please, I'll try to try to phrase appropriately produce.
The hell out of this right now.
Well, look at just pops back on Zoom.
Dig Baby Dig.
Because of the issues the two of you have had in the past, Mike, do you ever worry about Janet doing something to even the score that she would be justified in her mind doing something inappropriate that you would wanted to say and then she could say, well.
I love that you asked us question, and here's why, because I was sure if I wanted to bring up this other point of mine on why I trust. I trust Jenna for all the right reasons I do like when it comes I trust her because I do. I love her. I believe that she loves and respects me and our family and everything. She wouldn't want to invoke the same kind of pain that I did too. Wrongs don't make it right. But my answer to that is no, I don't think she would do that to quote unquote
even the score. I actually think it's the opposite, where she's even more motivated not to do it, so she can say not that she has the upper hand in our relationship and rules with an iron fist. But still it's it's still a a energy of leverage in a relationship when one person's broken trust in one hasn't. So for Jana, I know she this pride and even side. She's not going to give that up. She is not
going to give up that that energy of leverage. Again, not that she uses it, but it's just I wouldn't either if I was in her shoes, I wouldn't want to give her the benefit of doubt, to like even the playing field.
I love the phrase energy of leverage.
It's a good question, and honestly, like I would be lying to say, like if I didn't ever have that thought like my.
Lowest darkest points, Yeah, sure that comes up.
Yeah, I mean I would. I mean, even like you know now, I'm even when we're good, No, but I mean like there's times when I'm just like man, like you know, just to if I'm really angry at you, just a like middle finger, you know, Like, but I just it's to your point too, I know, I just am like I don't want to be the reason that, you know, and then it evens it I don't like it, I know.
On the other side of it, if she did, I'd be like, yes.
Let's go, oh but wait, But then I would always have like, well it was just one time.
It wouldn't matter at that point.
Oh no. But you know, I think for me, and this is something like that he knows too. For me,
it would never be a physical affair. It would be an emotional sure, I'm I think I'm more emotionally a ferritable new word, because I think that's something where it's you know, and we even talked about it, like when we had like a we were in a little rough patch the last month, you know, and I told him I was like, sometimes, like you start to realize when you are away from your partner and maybe you're receiving affirmations from other people what you might are what you
are lacking that is making you feel good? And why why that's like oh wait, that shouldn't make me feel good? Why what is what is like missing in our relationship that I'm not getting that. I'm like, oh, this feels good, you know. And I think just like having that conversation too was good just to like point that out and to be like, hey, I need more of this, because I found myself being like, oh, you know, is that a.
Concern might be not that she would physically stray, but when she's this close with all of these people on these sets and working so closely with them, do you fear that emotional connection she might develop.
Yeah, probably more so than the uh than the physical because she know. I hate being compared right so early in our relationship when it's like oh, Nick would never do that, or you know so and Say's husband would never do that. I hate. I hate hate, hate, hate,
hate that loathe it. So for her to yeah the emotional aspect, that would probably cause her to come home and say things like I need more of this or I can get this elsewhere, and that would and that could completely be in her right to realize that she needs more. But then I have to do the work on myself to not take it so personally that I feel like I'm being compared. I feel like I'm less than, I feel like I'm not good enough, and all of my deep core issues come up. So I mean, I
know that about Jena. We know that about each other. Where it's like, you know, we've said it on here before, where I know if Jana were to step outside the marriage or be with somebody we know or someone that she's emotionally close to. Ye, for me, it has to be someone I have no attachment to in any way, shape or form. I cannot know the person, so it's uh, yeah, but it's.
Not gonna happen. Stop talking about it. No, I don't like it. It's making me feel weird. But I think it is good to like have those conversations if you are being tempted one way or or having feelings or you just like having the conversation for sure.
Let me ask you, though, to wrap this up about the jealousy piece, because you know, I again, I have no issue. I wasn't jealous at all, And for me, jealousy feels like an immature feeling.
Oh say, I disagree. I don't ever want to, like because I know me too, Like I don't want to push the limit to make you jealous, like I just want but maybe sometimes like I want that attention where I'm almost maybe purposely doing something to men make you jealous. I'm not saying I'm doing that, but like I could maybe see myself being like, look at me.
You know, I'm just not a jealous person.
M challenge acceptance.
No, I'm kidding right now, Right now I'm just picturing Mark like poking his head out the front door. Hey, Jerry, get the here, wrap it up.
But when I have been jealous over the years, my wife's kind of liked it, you see.
We like it.
We like to know that like we're like that you think that we're just this beautiful thing that someone could swoop us in. That it's like I know you are, but like it's almost like people that are aren't jealous. Maybe they're just like they're so they're like too comfortable. Maybe you're too comfortable, I think, and not knowing what my capabilities are.
Now I'm getting threatened. I think I understand your point because I think there's a difference between jealousy and like arrogance yeah and ncy. Yeah, but it's not it's it's neither of those for me. It's it's in the middle where I'm just confident and comfortable in a good way. There's a difference between comfortability and complacency. So I'm comfortable with our relationship. I'm I'm confident in our marriage and that we're going to do the right things. And so yeah,
I don't I don't know. I trust you.
I just like I just would like a one percent jealousy. Work on your jealousy to be more jealous.
You all right, before before we actually we were just talking about fair for a second and we got to talk about one more thing around this topic before we jump into emails and dms. And so you just had a picture that you posted from wrapping up the movie, and you had and you took it down because some people were uncomfortable, right, Is that what happened around it,
and you just showed me the picture. I saw nothing wrong with it, and you even had to point out what the issue was, and I was like, okay, so tomorrow, point Mark was like, does that draw more attention that you delete the picture?
Well, one thousand percent, but I wanted to be respectful for sure. If I'm like, well, maybe like you wouldn't be like, maybe you wouldn't have like the fact that like I was touching his leg.
Okay, Now, if the roles were reversed one thousand i'd be upset double standard, but maybe.
Not though, if you're touching like like like Julie's like a random I'd be upset. But like if it was like a okay, take that back, if it was Julie Molly, like any of like the girls that like you know, but I would.
Have no reason to touch to put my hand on.
Their leg when you're smushed up on a couch.
I still wouldn't put my hand on their leg. So then I put my arm around them. Yeah, I wouldn't put my hand on someone else's leg. That's way more intimate.
Actually, so are no, because I know how you are, because I'm very touchy but is that bad?
You are who you are. I accept you. Huh. I love this. She's touchy?
Is it okay for others to be touchy?
I mean, I'm not like, it's not like some random I'm you know what I mean? It was like the cast and crew.
And you know, now if it was just like a picture, what did.
You say too, Like you're like you were just working, you know.
Yeah, I can understand the connectedness between you and all the people there because of you know, I've seen you do enough movies now, I I from from watching it. I can see I see how much work and energy and sweat and tears goes into these movies. It's insane, Like people don't know how hard y'all really really work. It's exhausting. And so I can understand that you guys have this connection. Like you said earlier, it's like summer camp friends where you just feel like the closest people
in the world and then it's all over. So I get that if it was just I was just gonna say, even if it was just you and him sitting there, But at the same time.
I'm like, if it was because I kind of go back to like the justin Timberlake thing how I was like, that is so wrong. His hand's on her leg. But to me, I'm like, they're out partying. But then I'm like, well maybe was I don't know where's the like the line for that. Then, I mean he was like really rubbing her leg. But it's not like they were just taking a photo super you know, close together.
I don't want to go down that rabbit hole. It is just it is interesting. I think it just depends on boundaries that you set in place with just like we talk about, like in your relationship, because again, I wouldn't. That's just not my nature. I'm not as Touchyphelia as a person. Yeah you know, so I wouldn't. I don't know why I to have put my hand on Yeah, that would make me uncomfortable. Yeah even right, but you know I could put my arm around them.
Sure. Yeah. It's just interesting.
Is it's interesting because you would be so mad.
It's just it depends. It just really depends on the situation. I would say, I really think it depends on the situation. And plus that's not like you said, it's not your nature, so that would be because it's not you. It'd be like huh, you know that's not you, and then that would cause concern. But yeah, interesting, all right, Mark, do you have any digress?
Got some interesting emails today? Beca says this one. I'm twenty three.
Scrubbing in. What does she need our advice on?
I'm twenty three. I'm the new mother of a beautifulight month old baby girl. Her father my boyfriend, and I have been together for a little over two years. When I'm mad him, he told me he was married, but they were separated and getting divorced, so I trusted him and took his word for it. That wasn't the case, and I got emails from his wife if I was still living together throun a lease. A few months later,
I find out I'm six weeks pregnant. Then I find out he cheated on me by sleeping with her, though I felt like the other woman. We separated for a bit but kept in touch because I was pregnant. Then he moved in with me. Things were good after that. I went through a Snapchat though unfound messages with a girl where she was sexting him. I confronted him. He cried because he was scared of losing his family, so he wants to fix this and for our daughter.
I do too.
I've heard you tell other women to help get past it by staying in today. I've just recently started using that because before I would say things like oh, want you go message your other girlfriend, or you don't like it and go run to your other girlfriend. We've been good, but a lot of things still trigger me. I'm lost and not sure how else to handle this because I want this to work and I want us to be able to move forward and grow our little family, but I'm not sure how.
I mean, thanks for emailing, and I do think yeah, trying to remain present in today, but also to to earn some of that trust back, get some good boundaries that would make you feel comfortable around the relationship and around things. Boundaries just for safety, not I wouldn't say like necessarily restrictions, but just like boundaries. And you know, whether it's not having snubsat or I don't know what you think.
This is tough because like the first suggestion I have, you know, we talk about a lot. But it's also it can be used as a like unhealthy in an unhealthy manner, like being too codependent, where you know, watch his actions to see to invoke change to see if you know, there's a lot of times you would feel more comfortable based on how I was being. You know, over time that can be codependent, where you're basing your feelings off of somebody else, which you don't want to do.
But in these early stages you kind of have to. You know, he's got to be on his best behavior. He's really got to show up and show you change and and things. So you know, you kind of got to put your heart in his hands to see if you'll if you'll hold on to it for right now, you know, until you get on your feet again and can start trusting him and feel comfortable in yourself. So that's his job is to help you as much as he can repair this and and repair parts of you.
And to stay empathetic during it too.
Yeah, So I would just say that to him, say that you're you're trying to lean into him a lot, and if he wants this as bad as he's saying he does, then he needs to show up and help you and hold you up.
So I like that and just a stay present, staying today and just notice the change that he's hopefully we're not changed with the growth.
What is he doing today anymore?
Yeah, this one's anonymous. My husband and I have been barely married a year, and I'm feeling almost completely alone in this relationship. It doesn't feel like any kind of marriage I've ever imagined myself being in daily my husband barely I find out he barely knows much about me. He doesn't need to be concerned or bothered about that. I can tell him things I need to help me cope with anxiety and depression, but I get no help
from him. I go into the conversation hoping to be held and told that he's there for me and the things are going to be okay, But instead he's annoyed regarding my feelings and what's going on in my head, in my heart. So many people on the outside looking in and can see the hurt that I'm feeling and that I'm not the smiling, spunky, happy person I've always been. But I haven't been that person in so long that I've forgotten how it felt to not have this huge
weight on my heart. I may not know much, but I do know this is not how a relationship or love is supposed to feel. I'm searching for a new therapist I'm comfortable with. I don't know what to do if he isn't willing to try therapy to make things work. I'm trying to fight for this, but I don't know how I could keep fighting alone.
Oh it's so hard. Parts of it. I'm like, you know, I want her to ask for what she needs, but it sounds like she has hasn't she.
Well, she wouldn't really say that. She's just saying it doesn't feel like any kind of marriage she ever imagine, and she's find out daily that he does. He barely knows much about her, and he's not concerned by that.
And I would just tell him what you need. Like the other day, I was like, I need more love. I need more you know, like to feel like you care and just like to do like and then maybe do something connective together. That way they can get to know each other more, you know, like read a book together, have discussions around it, or do something that can bring them together.
M My thing is, I feel like a lot of this is just managing expectations and over community and communication needs to be had because even when she says I can tell him things, or she's like she's hoping she's hoping she comes out of the conversation where he's like willing to to hold her and tell her that it's
gonna be okay. But you know, generally where men were simple minded creatures, where sometimes you need to throw the instruction manual in front of us and be like, hey, when I talk to you about this, this, these are the things that help me. These are the things that I need to hear. These like, we can't read your mind. So when you want to be told everything's gonna be okay, you want to be held like, we don't know that until you tell us, and then on it's held against us.
We were like, wait, what the hell is going on? Like why are you so upset?
Yeah, think the other day You're like I didn't know you were this unhappy.
It's like damn. So it's you know, and here's the deal too, because this is something that I'm guilty of, right, and this is just just how I process things and just what I believe. What I believe in this relationship is, you know, Janna wants to feel chosen. A lot of that is triggers from the stuff I've done in the past. For me, I'm like, she said yes when I asked her to marry her. She chooses me, Like, it goes back to the beginning. So the fact that we're still married,
that's enough for me personally to feel chosen. For this guy, he might be the same thing where it's just like he doesn't see anything wrong because he's like, man, she said, yes, she's she's my wife. I was like, this is great. Life's awesome. Where's the rush, Like, we're gonna be together the rest of our life. We're gonna get we're gonna get to know each other and everything's gonna be awesome. So okay, like he could it could be that simple
for him personally. So it's just she just needs to not try to read between the lines and just address it head on.
I love that advice. All right, love you guys. Let's keep our hands to ourselves and give a little two percent a jealousy. Love you guys.
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