Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast. So I'm getting a dog in a week. You had to be close, right, So I'm I'm getting a dog in a week. Um. I'm so excited because I feel like I'm like ready now to have a dog. That makes sense. Yeah, I think you're ready. I mean, you're great with dogs. I love dogs. I've had dogs my entire life. I mean I I had Sandy when I was Jolie's age. No, I was Cocoa was Jolie's age, and then now and then I had you know, my dogs.
I had both dogs like Sophie Dog Like, shoot, my my band guys are paid from Sophie Dog Like yeah, so um so I um yeah, no, I'm just like I'm really excited because it was hard in the very beginning too. I didn't want to separate the dogs. It's like Waffles was my dog, Chance was Mike's dog, and for me, I was kind of like, all right, I have seventy kids, and he's like, well, we can just
like trade off the dogs. And then I'm like I don't want seventy kids and seventy dogs like I And that was like when I couldn't like take care of myself. And like the first month of like the divorce, so I was like, that's the last thing. Like we tried it for a week and I'm like I can't do it, like you have to take because like the dogs. And then I'm like falling apart. The kids are falling, you know,
and I'm like, I just the dogs. I don't even know if I've fed them for a week, you know what I mean, Like I mean I did, but you know what I'm saying, like they probably didn't have water like one full day because I just couldn't even think about them. Dogs just add as much as we love them, they just add another element that just makes your life a little bit difficult. As much as I love them, I have three, So don't come at me. Wait, what
are you doing with your divorce and the dogs? Well, in theory, mostly the older bulldog is going to go back and forth because he is attached to Emmy and Emmy is attached to him. I don't know how that's gonna it's just the other two. I don't know how that. Oh you're keeping the other one, Macy, Yeah, I mean she's so old, poor thing, like she can't go that
surprises me. Well, I don't really have it. I mean, we all have choices, Kathe, Well, the reason I don't really have a choice is because he's renting and they didn't really want dogs anyway, and she sheds really bad, so that would not be very good. But she's easy. But speaking of this totally makes me think of something. So a couple of weeks ago, we got another leopard, Get go. Oh my god. Okay, so we have a leopard, Get go, Get go. Skippy love we love Skippy, least
maintenance pet of all time. Yeah, they're so easy. But the agreement was that Skippy would I don't know kids who knows, I honestly don't know, um, but that Skippy would go with Nick okay, because he will only eat cricket. Worms are easy. Crickets I don't really do. Okay, it's a long story short. Worms you'll do crickets you want. Yeah, worms are easy because they're like, you keep them cold so they barely to move until they get in there, so it's like, you know, it's like a dead worm.
Crickets are like all over the place if you like, we'll find them on Caden's wall. But anyway, so that was the agreement. He's like, yeah, that's great. He loves Skippy, he's easy. Whatever, that's fine. Skippy can come here. Fast forward like a week and we're like, all right, well we're going to get another leopard get go for my house. Okay, so because you just love Skippy so much, or because the kids love Skippy so much, or like both kind
of both. And they're easy. Again, they're not expensive, they're easy. Where where does find a get go? Well, we just go to pet smart. You can find them all over the place, but they're like thirty bucks at pet Smart. We save them from pet Smart. So anyway you save them. I don't think anyone's gonna go after you like I am, like if anyone thinks they're gonna come after me, like I'm breeding, like I'm going to a breeder, Like I
don't think there's I don't think there's rescue geckos. Well this is what makes emmy feel better, situation my, you know. So any who, fast forward we go and get another one. Okay, Skippy hasn't really hasn't hadn't left yet, but it's fine because they're easy. Is the new gecko's name, jis no his friends naming his j that's because of it. No, heyn miss sun chime you but listen to this. So I posted on Instagram. I know he's listening to this,
but sorry Nick, oh he listens you think? Yeah? Still? Yeah? Hello? So I post on Instagram, which we already kind of told him we're gonna do it, and he was like, oh, that's a bad idea, but whatever decision because I don't know. So Catherine is wired up right now. He texts Cayden and he's like, what did y'all do? Basically? And he was like, I wish y'all would have ran a run it past me? But okay, I was like run what past you? Getting sunshine? Yeah? Why first? Like big? Like
not doing so well the moment. Caden's like, don't text him because I don't want him to get mad at me. I was like, no, definitely won't. Why would you say something like no? No? I want like, like, can you can tell me what they said about me? I want to texting me like how the why would you say that about me? Like not something that has to be
run by you. He's like, well, you leave town all the time, and I'm like, and you have like eight pets, and I'm like, um, it's still the same amount you're taking, Skippy, I have sunshine, Like I have to get a house sitter anyway, you know. Anyway, I just lost my mind. And then it moved into like, you know, all the
figuring out money, and it went just great. Wow. I'm first of all, I'm shocked for sharing this a little no, no, no, it's like it's a it's a it's interesting that because it's about control, right, which I didn't think he was really like a control person, but he lost control, right, And so when someone loses control in a divorce, you see where they are like kind of going to put their hands in because you're right, you didn't, you do not. And I did not have to tell Mike that I
was getting a dog. I did just because like, hey, if the kids mentioned Leo like I'm going to get a puppy, and he's like, oh my god, that's so awesome, like so happy for you. Um so like, but I don't need his permission. You do not need Knick's permission to get running it by get go nor a pig, a dog or a donkey. Do you know what I wanted to do after that? What literally like a monkey, Like you know what, take that monkey and any shove it up your ass. I'm gonna believe it. That is.
I just want to know someone's reasoning, like why, Like I I couldn't imagine calling my ax and saying like you can't, how dare you get goldfish? Because that to me, even like a cat, Like I thought for sure Mike was going to get a cat because I can't have cats because my whole entire family is allergic to them, and like my my mom's husband could never come, so we were going to get a cat. We ended not getting cats. I'm like, oh, I bet you, Mike's probably
gonna get them like a kitten or something. And because Joey has been like begging and like a little part of me was like a little jealous thinking about it. Um, but I can't control it. I don't think it's his jealousy. Then what is that? What is it? Then? Like what is the what is the like rational rationalization behind his issue with it? I think let's call him. I would love to know. I think he still sees it more like not as separate is it gonna be? And so he still kind of sees it as like a family
in a way. And that's why I'm kind of like marrying. We gotta get this legal process going, like I needed to be separated at no offense. It's just like that's not how I function. He's being a sweet man by being like, you know, he thinks it's gonna fall on him end of the day. He thinks I'm gonna call him and say, hey, can you take a responsibility more? No, that's what they have to pay for them. You can
ask like I would. I would never ask Mike too, but I'm like, if I got into a hunch, you can always ask, and they have a right to say no. Yeah, exactly. And I just got a sitter a couple of weeks ago when we're in Chicago, like I have somebody that does it again. It's going to be the same amount of pets. But when I get the monkey, I'm going to be calling him. Oh my gosh, that's just so funny. But I think that's why I said to you the other day, like, you guys have been amazing through this
divorce process. Like you guys have been so good and letting things and co parenting. Everything's been great. Like actually, how it's been the last. However, many guys have been You've been doing this for a long time, but it's almost like you sometimes have to do like the legality of like this is out, this is actually what it is. It's separate because it's like almost like the two kosher feels the same, because it does feel the same in
a sense. We're hitting that point. We're definitely hitting that point. We kind of had a you know, we're working on the legal stuff. It's not going to great as a lot it would, but we'll get there. But that's because the emotions are still there and you're still and because it's run so smooth. It's like, unfortunately there's illegal. There's a legal um portion for a reason because the law is going to protect both of you, just like the law, yeah there, it's going to protect both of you, guys.
So sometimes it's doesn't. But yes, and I am learning that how I say things is definitely triggers and I'm trying. I've been so good, but I made the mistake of saying what I'm owed as like being in a marriage for fifteen years, and that did not go over well. But what I meant was, when you calculate, it's based on how long you're married, looking at mirror right there, you're looking at the frame, and tell him what do
you want to say? I hope he doesn't listen to this one, but anyway, maybe you can say that all my time. If if you're so, alimony is based on how long you're married, you're going to get a little bit more or for a longer length of time, the longer you're married. Um, so that's what I was trying to say, because he doesn't understand it. So what I was trying to say is, you know, like what I'm
based on the amount of time we were married. But it came back with what you're owed from being married, and I was like, who I mean, I get it, I understand And I was like, that's not how I meant it. I'm just trying to explain it to you. But that just where it went out for a minute. I could see that, I mean, I get both sides for sure. And let me just say this too. You don't have to like I always say, like, well, I have to be nice, and my amy our therapist always like,
you don't have to. You don't have to manage his emotions about how you say you shouldn't be mean and like, but like, you don't have to. You don't have to skirt around issue. You can be directions. I remember the one time in the very beginning of our divorce. Again we're great now in this season and stuff, but the it was, you know, very fresh after our divorce. It was the parent teacher conferences or like the like kindergarten registration or whatever where you go and see the classrooms
and stuff. And I said hello, but I was like hi, you know, and it was very just whatever. And he was just like, why are you so cold? When we left, and I was like, and I went to Amy and I talked about that, and she was just like, you get to be however you want to be, like, don't make him feel bad. I was like, I wasn't be mean. I just like I don't need to be like, hey, my like in that moment, and I don't want like I didn't want to. She's like, and you don't have to, like,
you can be however you want to be. But then I'm like, well, now he's gonna think I'm like a bitch or this, that and the other, and I'm like, I just it was hard being there. She's going to kindergarten were divorce. Now this is this feels weird. It was our first like function as like a divorce family. I'm sorry that I didn't, you know, wrap my arms around you and say like, hey, this is a great our daughter's one kindergarten and worked up force, you know,
and he was just like, get over it. We're divorced. And I'm like, it's been two months, Like give me a second, you know, And I just remember, like I feel like sometimes guys to like they want to like rush your process, and it's like it takes time to like walk through emotions and like now I see like the other side of it, and you guys will go
through that same thing. Like it's it's probably nice. Now you're going to hit a bump and then you'll you'll find your groove where Mike and I find found outs. But yeah, it's definitely like and again you can say even though you can say it right, it's okay you said it how and if you think it was wrong, then say, hey, I'm sorry. Like the other day, I I was really flustered with Joel because she was sick, and I texted Mike saying or I called them and
I was like, hey, I really need your help. He couldn't. I'm like, oh, never mind, Like I knew I shouldn't have asked, and then I'll like, oh, crap, I shouldn't have said it like that. So I called back. I
was like, hey, I'm sorry. I was just really frustrated and I just feel like overwhelmed right now with some stuff, and so it would have been nice, you know, for the help, but I get it, like, you know, you're busy too, so if you feel like there's something you should apologize and apologize, yeah, I mean I think yeah.
I mean we're just not getting into that. We've been like getting along really well and now I'm like, okay, um, and it'll be fine, like you said, it'll be ups and downs, but like you know, it's also been interesting because it's like I totally hijacked this conversation, but I
love this, So you're kidding me. This is like not but it's like, you know, I can remember, you know, you a year ago going out of town and then coming back home and then being down and you know all that, and it's like I kind of had that first like experience after Chicago, and I've had the kids, so it wasn't necessarily around that as much. I don't know, but like it's like weird. It's like a weird it's
like a depressing kind of feeling. Again, I know I asked for this, I know, you know all of those things, but yeah, it's like kind of hitting me and I'm like, oh god, I'm starting to understand Jannah a little more. It's weird. Yeah, it's like, yeah, even if you have the kids or you don't, but i mean, yeah, when you come back to from a trip and it's like you're you know, when we do our wind down tours,
like we're on the highest of highs. We laugh constantly, we have so much fun, and then you come home and it's like to an empty house that feels very strange because you're like, where's my family? And then like the other time, it's like with your kids kind of like where is my family? Because it doesn't feel how we are used to it. So yeah, I mean I definitely. I not that I'm glad that you understand that, but then you understand now kind of like the steps and
you're gonna be okay. It's just but I'm still I still struggle with that even you know, a year out of my divorce. Yeah, for sure. Well, and I've always been one to kind of like, at first my emotions don't hit. It takes a little while, so I'm definitely I mean with deaths, with anything like, at first, I'm going to seem cold and numb to it. But give me a couple of weeks, they'll be fall in a bedroom. It's fine, I'm there now. Good. Have you had any regrets? No? Okay,
well that's good. No, I haven't to check in with yourself around that. No, I'm good there. It's just like the overwhelming and change and all that. Okay, okay, hey, way back to the dog. No, are you kidding me? This is I'm there's there's nothing else to say. I'm just I love how this combo went, and I'm proud of you for I'm proud of both of you guys for you know, taking a step back when you when you need to step back, when you know that the motions are getting high, and you know, um, I'm yeah.
I'm just happy that you're also putting a boundary in there too, because I think that's where I failed a year ago, as I didn't put good boundaries around communication. And you guys pushed really hard for me to be like, don't communicate if it's an X, Y and Z, and it's like I just had a really tough time with that, and you're having great boundaries because I would probably be apologizing for getting a donkey. I supposed to be like no,
no, no no, no, no no, So my farm exactly. Yep, sorry, Nick, We're about to get a farm with horses and I can't wait for you to take care of it. Um. But anyways, we're gonna take a break and we've got an amazing comedian on. He actually has a book. Um it's called How to Be Married to Melissa, which is Melissa is his wife. So, um, you can't wait to get a dot combo and chat soon. Hello, Justin, I'm so sorry, don't be very Oh well, I know, but still are you? I mean you've been married to Melissa
for how many years? Now? So so many? Almost eighteen something like that? Eighteen years? What? What? What great did you meet her in? I was, Um, I was a junior and she was a senior at a different school, which is a pretty big flex in high school relationship. Okay, so you just called your wife out for being older. I get it, which, you know, I don't even think that's frowned upon anymore. I think anymore, that's that's to
be celebrated. You know. I feel like though it's one of those things where I mean, I look at now, it's like my last few have been younger, and I'm like, I just need I don't know, Like it's what whether you go older or younger, guys are just always around the same age, right, I mean, you went full Matthew McConaughey there on me. Oh we did. I would Matthew say, that's the old line to from What's I can't believe forgot the movie That was his kind of quotes his
first big role. You know. The great thing about it's it's in hindsight, it's a very creepy quote. You know. The best thing about high school girls is no matter how old I get, they all stayed the same age. You know, which A get is not an outline that's aged. Well, uh, but it did feel You're like guys they all feel like they're the same age constantly. And I get it. I understand what you mean. Well, actually we just got
It's dazed and confused is what it was. Of course. Yeah, I don't think I've ever is that bad that I don't even think I've seen the entirety of days and Confused? No, I think you're okay. I think that that. Uh. That's one of those things that you're like, uh uh. It's like when someone like sometimes like I'll tell friends like like, you know, I don't I don't smoke pot and they'll be like, really, if you ever like you want to? When I was like, I mean why now, why would
now be the same with Dazed and Confused? Like this, this is this the time that you need to stop everything you're doing and like, hude, I gotta I gotta prioritize watching Dazed and Confused. Okay, so you have your book out now, and I'm I'm curiously did you feel
like you had to just because you are edian? Was it hard for you to kind of find the balance between like, okay, being real and not I mean, not that you're not real as a comedian, but like where you had to I feel like you had to be funny in your book, even though it was it was the goal of the book just to be funny and just kind of like talk about marriage in that sense, like from from your stand up show to the book, or was there something else that you were wanting to
bring to the book that you want other people to see a different side of you. Yeah. I think that's a great question. I I the goal of the book was is to help relationships, but I do believe that the best way to do that personally. Really, the only way that I can do it is to be funny, is to try and make it relatable, to try and make it approachable. You know, one of the big problems with marriage books is they're primarily read by women who are working actively trying to you know, stay invested in
the marriage. So that was part of the goal of just like, well, what if we wrote one where they could say, like, hey, the guy wrote it, and it's he's funny. It'll you know, it's it's essentially handing the husband's a coloring book at times and saying like you can do this, right. So I think that humor is relatable and it's uh, you know, if nothing else, I think that I hope that people can look at this book and just see the wild dysfunction of our marriage
and if nothing else, feel better about their own relationship. Okay, I'm you know, what, what do you think is like the biggest no as an issue, but the dysfunction as you say in your marriage that you that you have a hard time as a husband. M M yeah, there's um gosh, I wish I could. It's so hard to
choose one to narrow it down to the many problems. UM. I think that, UM, I think that the for for our that we go out of our way in this book, you know, to say, like, this is not an advice book, this is not how to be married book, This is
how to be married to Melissa. The whole point is we're just talking about one relationship, and the constant thing that comes up in our relationship is to remember when your partner, your spouse, your significant other, whatever relationship that is in your life, when they do something and they act out at you in some way, that is almost always not about you. It's about what they're going through, It's about what they're feeling, It's about the pressures that
they're under. Right now. I mean the biggest I the biggest fight that my wife and I ever had was about three years ago, and it had nothing to do with what we were fighting about. They had to do with how busy we were. It had to do that we had family healths ruggles going on, It had to do with money and pressures of career and all and and so the things that were said had nothing to
do with what we were actually fighting about. The analogy that we I make is it's like when you walk through uh and you see it when you're walking on the sidewalk and you see cracks in the sidewalk, that's because the tree roots, right, the roots caused this problem. You just see the crack here, you just see your broken sidewalk, But it's because of the stuff that's underneath there. So that that's the one that comes up for us all the time. Yeah, that's so interesting that you said that.
And I love that analogy too with the cracks and the and the cement, because it's so true. It's like it's not it's not just the crack and the cement, it's it's what's underneath that. Yeah. I love that, Like that's such a great way to look at it. And it's so funny too. Remember with my ex husband and I, one of our biggest fights was it was it was we were fighting over a lamp and it was like it was not about the lamp, you know, it was
it wasn't about that lamp at all. It was just you know, well I would just drain the lamp off, and it's like, you know, it's it was just it was like at the end of the day, it was like we end up laughing about it. Um, you know, six months later, but we're like, remember that time we fought about a lamp. It's like, it wasn't about the lamp. But people just get stuck. I can't I can't think of a better synopsis of relationship fights than that quote.
It's not about the lamp. We're obviously not fighting about the lamp. We're fighting up about the history and the tension and everything that's happening right now and that's leading up into this moment right here. But I will fight over a lamp, There's no doubt about that. We've had lamp fight not that long ago. We've had lamp fights. You know. It's another Another good fight that I've heard is men and their ceiling fans. Like a man wants to have a ceiling fan, a woman wants to have
a chandelier. It's like, that's actually a fight that's actually that's not just about the underneath stuff that is just like is that for you to like, why do men have to have a ceiling fan? Yeah? I don't know
what it is. That is a great question. I guess it's just they need something to tinker with their like just something or or there were were you know, it's something to like look at something when we get bored to just I will say that one of the one of the great simplicities of just being just you know, a dumb man is you can sometimes just sit there and look at a fan and and kill an hour. And if somebody comes up and just go, what are you thinking about? Nothing? I'm thinking about this fan, and
I'm thinking about nothing else. I like the way it moves. I like the way the air fields on me. Don't try and take this fan away and put diamonds there. Just let me have the fan. Uh yeah, I mean we get it. Just let us have our chandelier. You know. As a comedian, though, how do you because I gotta
I feel like the comedians that I've met. Um, I did a movie with Adam Sandler way back in the day, and I've met like Smashing Maniscalco and every every comedian i've met, they've always been very a lot shyer than
I thought they would, be more quiet, more reserved. And is that because do you guys feel like you have to put so much of yourself out there on stage that you're just like by the time that you're done, because because you're putting on such a like you want people to laugh, you have to be um, maybe exaggerate a little bit more like do you come back and you're just like, is it is it safer to just like not be as Yeah, I do think that there's absolutely an element of that is that you are, you know,
you're the show in a lot of ways. You're you know, you're why people are coming out. You are or even if you're not the reason they came out, you're there kind of for their entertainment, and you have to, you know, you have to operate on kind of such a high capacity during that that sometimes you're a little drained. I also think that, you know, the majority of comics that I've met are very introverted, and a lot of it is just because we aren't super comfortable in the world.
We don't you know, there's that's a that's the real question. We're all trying to figure out why do we need to get on stage and have strangers validate us each night.
I don't know, I think there's there there. I mean, the reality is is there's a validation proof there, there's you know, there's a kind of from the majority of comedians would attest to something, whether it's childhood or trauma or just uh, you know, mental illness or whatever may be that that that's kind of ultimately like for me personally, if we want to get deep on it, like I had, Yeah, I know. I mean, my my parents split when I
was five. I was an incredible mama's boy. Uh my mom was immediately out of the picture for the majority of my childhood, and the thing that I loved most and validated me the most was no longer there and consistently.
And I was raised by a single parent, so long before I got on stage to go do stand up comedy, was always seeking for validation, was always looking for someone to tell me that I'm worth something, you know, And that, by the way, is stuff that goes into the relationship too, because my my wife has said many times, like I understand that, and I want to be here for you, But I also can't heal that. I can't I can't make you love yourself more. I can't make you value
yourself more. That there's the amount of own work that you have to do there. So the good news is a stand up comedy is a nice outlet for that. And I have a friend who says, you know, those laughs a lot of time are just tiny hugs, hugs from strangers each night, you know, so there is That's just me though. I do think that each of them, you know, Um, I would never name names because it's there to tell them, but um, even of the ones that you've named so far, I know there is a
history of similar stories like that for them. Um, so you know. And we also just kind of uh and and like there is sometimes that when you operate on such like a high level of adrenaline like that, you know, the just like you're I'm in front of strangers and people are looking at me and saying, dance, joke, monkey dance, Like that's such a high pressure thing that sometimes, you know, sometimes people are gonna be a little boring after that too. We'll disclosure. No, I mean, I I can kind of
get that. I mean, Cat, you could probably attest to it too, where it's like after I come off a show or something, or if I'm on stage, it's like you have all this adrenaline and then you kind of just like you want to be quiet, you know, and you want because you have so many people like that. You know, you have a hundred people meeting greets, and you've got all these are things and you're just kind of like you don't really have much left to give.
So it's like you're kind of um like before, like a lot of times, for example, like what I'm filming a movie, like I've I've I've always eaten my lunch in my trailer, and people are like, why don't you eat lunch with everyone? Like it's not that I'm trying to be rude, It's like that's just my one time to just be quiet and like not have to like make conversation because I'm like I'm drained, Like I got it. I want to save it for for X, Y and Z, you know, and so yeah, you end up living for that.
The best part of my day every day is after I dropped my youngest off at school and then I come home and I sit quietly on my phone drinking that first cup of coffee or usually about thirty to sixty minutes and do my word all and and just casually graze the internet, not work version of the internet, because you know, you know the exact difference. There are there are places that I can go onto the internet that are going to be worked for me, and there
are other places. And I'm just I'm grazing, I'm just consuming. Hey, what's happening in the world. And that is like a total Like I go to bed looking forward to that in the morning. I can't wait for it. It's better than sleep for me. I love that. Well. I mean, you wrote a book, you know, how to be married to Melissa, your wife, but how how how do you be married to you? Like? What do you do for yourself? Um? That makes you happy? M hmm. Besides the coffee in
the world. I mean, that's a big part of it. That if I were marrying me, I would put that in my wedding vows. But what's a what's a what's a guide for Melissa? Because you you know, for for you, because I mean you you gave the guide for her. Yeah, yeah, we we do talk a lot about that in the book. There is um uh my, I have, so I have a d h D. I'm I'm scattered constantly, I'm losing stuff, I'm forgetting stuff. I am just uh, you know, like
to have a conversation with me. I've I've every once in a while, I've I've wanted to see like a math of just how I bounce around, Like if we're like on a hike or something like that, and you're like, I think I just covered a thousand topics in an hour and you just had to sit there and receive it, and and then the other part of that is like it's then, but it can be hard to have deep
conversations with me. And my wife is just a well, my wife like wants more so than anything in her heart and soul, her main desire is to feel understood. She wants she wants her friends, her family, her partner, her kids, she wants them to understand her. Which is one of those things. It's like if you were to say, like I want to feel respected, Like that's hard to quantify. There's no metric of like whether or not you feel.
But like one thing that we learned really early on, like we we talked about this in one of the communication or in the communication chapter is you know we always do that have routine. You know, you get the kids down and then you come and you it's time to talk, it's time to vege, it's time to do whatever Mel needs. That time of where are you at, what are you thinking about? What? And and that would be like draining to me because I'm tired sitting down
and having just an intentional conversation. It's like when you have a d h D. It's like just pulling, you know, like hair. I don't know why I reached a pull hair out of my back brokes. Yeah, that's disgusting. But we one night, very unintentionally, I was on my phone just dinking around doing a brainless game. I was playing
Angry Birds. It is the years two thousand and seven and and unintentionally I proceeded to have probably the most deep heartfelt conversation with her I've ever had while never looking up, because this was like a little brain trigger for me that you know how they say like you have your best ideas in the shower, and it's because
you're kind of occupied but not fully occupied. That's what having a d h D is like for me, is that if I can, if I can do something on my phone that's slightly an attaining me, But I don't have to think about it. I'm actually pretty great right here. So it's a lot of like little things like that that we've just got to learn along the way of like you know what, actually I know from the outside looking in that that looks like I'm being rude and
disrespectful and how dare you be on your phone? But Melissa gets out of that what she wants, which is me being engaged and you know, going deep with her. And I get what I wanted to because I do it desire to have that conversation, but it's in a way that isn't isn't pulling out my back hair? Right? Well, that makes sense, So are you? I guess like for the people that have been married a long time too, I mean being a high school sweetheart, how do you guys,
like what's been the thing to keep you guys? Because I can imagine through that getting married so young, like you're kind of going in and out of like you're growing right right, that's like what how how have you guys managed to stay together? And now we we go out of like our way in our life and I go ruight Away in this book to say, I don't, I don't. I don't define a successful marriage is one that like last or don't last. I hate that. I hate every piece of that. I hate the shame that
comes with that. I hate that words like failure and success are thrown around in the terms of relationships because they're not. They're living organisms that have a lifespan to them, and some last longer and some don't. And some it's the best thing, like every other relationship in our life. Some it's the best thing that it could end. That's the that's what that thing needed to do. It's it had run its course. So we I really do think that,
and I only talked about this. There is, especially having getting married so young, there is a dumb luck to it. There's a good there is for we have grown in ways that have remained compatible and not combatible, like we are, our personalities meshed well then then and even though we've changed into you know, when you look at those old pictures, you're like, I don't even think I am that person anymore, But we have still we were fortunate and again just lucky enough in a lot of ways that we still
kind of we we meshed together nicely. And I don't think it's because we did this, this and this. I just think that there was an amount that of of just our life's kind of went that way, and um, you know we were of course we put in the work and that other than you know, we have the communication all that kind of stuff. But I I know that's not the answer that a lot of people want, but I will say that for us, I do think that there is an element of just you know, dumb
luck to it. That's your next book, dumb luck, dumb luck. Honestly, it's so good. I think that's I think that's like I was just texting Cat because you know, she's gonna going through a divorce right now because she married very young, and as a cat, I was a cat. Yes this like this is so interesting, you know, and she's like, yes, it is so interesting. He says. It's like it's it's not a failure that you know, I've gotten divorced, You've gotten divorce, and it's like it's just it's don't like
not to look at it in that way. And I'm like, it's such a good reminder. It's something's work, something's don't and um, something's last and some things won't you know. So yeah, that turned into a beautiful little Doctor SEUs. Thank you. I didn't even I didn't even plan that. I've like now just I've quoted Doctor SEUs and apparently Matthew McConaughey. This is just really touch in there. That's
when you try. Um, well you are so so I can't wait to read the book because it sounds like it's going to be just entertaining to which you know is good. Where can our listeners find you? And just um, do you have tour dates? Are you coming out to on the road? What's going on? Yeah? Yeah, so anything that As far as I know, I'm the only Dustin Nickerson in show business. So Dustin Nickerson and I see k r SO and Ductor that'll have show dates on there.
Uh when my seasonal headline outs tour is we stop next in San Diego and then I'm out really until midfall and then my specials on there and then also links to the book wherever you want to buy it if you want to, you know, bite at uh local indie bookstore or Amazon, whatever you want to do wherever books are sold on the internet. At least you can get him there. Well, Thank you, Dustin, I really appreciate you coming on Wine Down and thank you for being
vulnerable as well. So it's it's very nice to see when I when a guy can get there, so well, thank you for having this nice of course, thank you Justin