Divorce, But Happy

so happy for because she was super happy. Um. But and I did not cry in front of her. But the second that she got in the bus and I waved by to her, I straight up when the house and bawled my eyes out so um that it was really hard. Um, but it was. Yeah, I'm I'm counting down the minutes until the bus comes back in a few hours. Mark, did you cry the first time? But that happened. It's so funny. We don't have buses out here in southern California. I mean that's not true. We do,

but it's not standard and it's not common. It's only um, certain areas get them. So no our kids have never gone away on a bus from us before, Like, can you even imagine how that would feel? Like yes, yes, but also like you're excited because she's not freaking out and crying. Yeah, but you're so sad and all you want to do is freak out and cry. Yeah. I get.

I totally get what you're going through. It was so hard and I you know, obviously my ex was there because you know, some big day, and he asked it's not his day to day, but he asked if he could come, and I was like absolutely, like she's gonna,

you know, love both of us there. And then I think like seeing him too was just another I kind of said that there's just a lot of transitions going on right now, and it was just it was just very emotional, like the whole whole thing, like so many things that have has happened just in the last month, like with her going to school was being finalized. Like it was just like this um release of emotions and it was really hard. But my thing is is like, you know, when she gets off the bus and like

how does she know where her classroom is? And is she okay? Is she crying right now in school? And you know, she's probably running around in circles having the best time of her life. But I'm like, she's probably in a corner somewhere like crying. It's so good for her and for you. It is. It's good for everybody, but I get it. And then the saddest thing was Jay's He's like jojo jojo and just like crying for her. I was just like, ah, but yeah, it's it's um.

The band aid has been peeled, and so now it's just time to get back on that regular routine. And I'm super pumped because we have Benjamin Health Fond coming on and he has a book out called Our Happy Divorce, and it's been really cool. I've I've appreciated so many of you that have reached out to me on Instagram and dm ng me and someone recommended his book and

so I've recently ordered it. Um. But I'm excited to talk to him and about his journey because happy and divorce just don't really to me go hand in hand. So I'm gonna I'm curious to hear how he got to a happy divorce. So we'll be right back. Ben Hi, Hi, how are you good? How are you? I'm so good. Um. I Well, first of all, thank you so much for

coming on wine Down. I appreciate it. And you were someone you were recommended because my I have like the sweetest Instagram followers and they always are like sending me inspirational thing things where things would make me laugh for helpful people, and you were one of the names that came up. And I remember reading or like I and I ordered your book on Amazon. But I was like, happy and divorce just don't seem to go together right now.

And so I'm like, I I need him on to understand like how those two can can be, how there is a happy divorce. So it really does. I'm like, you know, I'm like I wouldn't wish a divorce on like my worst enemy. Um, but can you just give the listeners a little in me, like a little background of who you are and where you're at in your life and how this all came about? Yeah? So um who am I? Who? Yeah? Who has been? That's actually

something that is an ever evolving uh answer. But um my what ex wife and I Nikki, Um, we got divorced for years ago. Uh And just like every sort of I guess marriage ending, Uh, it doesn't end on a winning streak. It doesn't end because everything's great. And it's a process that and it wasn't for us that we didn't wake up one day and say let's get divorced.

It was a uh you know, long process and all the negative stuff that goes on, um uh with divorces is you're dealing with the business decision but you're also a business uh decisions but problems. You put the emotional side, the emotional stuff on top of it, right, and those two together never ever mix well. And then you have the kids who are the ones who face the consequences of that. So anyways, Um, we got divorced and uh

I left the house and angry, resentful. Um. Was there one side that wanted the divorce more than the other or I think both of us looking back on it now wanted it. I think Nikki is a different uh person than I am, and she would rather have fixed it, um and stayed together, but for the wrong reasons for our son, UM. And so looking back on it, yes, the answer to the question is yes, UM. But I was the one who UM was a little bit more

UM angry, bitter, blame shifting, Um. It was all her fault uh and an unwillingness to take a look at my side. UM. And I think one of the things that I did, which is a mistake that I wouldn't recommend to anybody, UM, was that I called a lawyer first. UH. And UM, you know, I sat with him and I told him what I wanted, and that was, you know, basically the cliff note version of it was I wanted to destroy Nikki uh and show the world how, you know,

how I perceived her. Um. And he gladly took my retainer and he a week later sent me a game plan, uh, novel on how we were going to do it. Uh. And it was exactly what I wanted to hear, or thought I wanted to hear. And I was on a plane. I kept it for a week for some reason, I didn't read it. And I was on a plane coming back from l A on a red eye to Florida, and I pulled it out and I read it and I opened it and I got two pages into it.

And uh, I don't know what it was at that time, at that moment um, but it was the first time in a long time that I was honest and I was you know, I I saw things clearly. I got this you know, gut feeling, UM. And part of it was my experience with my parents who had a high conflict divorce wore the roses in the eighties. You know, there was one way of doing it, and that was

just like the movie UM. And I was and my siblings were trapped in the middle of it, and we ended up getting the emotional bill, or get having to pay the emotional bill for something we had no choice, and we didn't order the restaurant, we didn't order the wine, food anything. UM. And I was able to tap into that experience on that plane that night. UH. And I also came to that real understanding and awareness that there is no way in the history of relationships, UM, that

it can be one person's fault. And so I called the lawyer on Monday. UM said thank you, but no thank you, And then I made Then I made the second call, which should have been my first one, that if you're listening and you're going through a divorce, I called the therapist UM. And I also, UH have been sober for quite a long time, and I called my sponsor and I started working on the emotional side UM and tried to clean up, and for the first time

in that process, it wasn't about Nikki. It wasn't about what she did. Um. This was my side of the street. Um. And shockingly, it didn't take that long for me to come to the sobering no pun intended uh conclusion that I wouldn't want to be married to me either. You know, I wasn't the man, I wasn't the father. I wasn't showing up in this life the way that I literally thought I was. Uh and so um. Anyways, that's the you know, emotional side that we and then NICKI was

doing that work too. Thank you for for sharing that. But also when you got to that realization, was there a part of you that was like, wait, Nikki, let's try to fix this. Absolutely not. It didn't change um that Nicky and I. I mean that was clear. You know that nick and I were just not put you know, we were put on this earth for one reason, and that was to make a beautiful child. Um. And so, but what I did do was I called her. After I called the lawyer and I said thank you, but

no thank you. I called her and I said, NICKI, I just need some time. I'm not in any space to you know, move forward, not that that we're not moving forward, but to go into this you know, business legal whatever you want to call it, um space. And you know, to her, to her credit and ace, she gave me that time she should take as much time

as you need. Um. And so she then went on and did some work on herself with therapist I did, and uh, and then I came to her and I called her and and you know, about a month later, maybe it wasn't that long, but asked her to coffee and sat her down, and uh, for the first and only time, I think, uh, even to this day, UM, we had an authentic, uh intimate moment where I apologized to her and uh you know she did too, and

she she apologized me back. And look, it didn't turn into her happy divorce right after that, but all of a sudden, there was like a weight lifted off of both of her chest and there was some room, um to move. It wasn't just this focus of you know, bitterness and resentment, and and then it made the process that the process wasn't easy from there, it just was

it was a lot simpler, um. And uh, you know that that was the turning point and the next question, I asked her what she does she have any problem with joint custody you know, of our son everything, and she said absolutely not. I said, Nikki, all the other stuff, you know, we can work on. You know that's the

easy part. Um. But you know, from that moment to where we are fourteen years later, if if you had told me or her fourteen years ago that we would have the life and the relationship we have today and the co authors of a book and live and travel together, and have we lived seven houses down from each other. Um, you know she's remarried. I'm remarried. Everybody we go on family vacations and we would have said, you're out of

your mind. You know. It just was so we just wanted to be in the same room together, um, and be able to, you know, go to Asher's sporting events or his plays at school, and not have him have to as he's walking over to his parents, who are sitting apart from each other, like play in his mind, because this is what I had to do. Okay. I

think I went over to mom last time. UM, do you I have to go over to dad, you know, because I don't want to make non feel bad or I don't want to make Dad feel And that's the kind of stuff that goes on in kid's heads when their parents, you know, are in this you know, high high conflict situation. So that was the goal. And then, you know, so a lot of it was faking until we made it. Like we would sit at Asher's events and you know, if if she were sitting here, she'd

probably say the same thing. But she was the last person I wanted to sit next to. She was the last person that I wanted to smile, you know. And because there was still that emotional stuff, there was that still that you know, washing machine inside of me. Of It's not like it all just disappeared, um, but eventually

it just became more natural. And what do you because I feel like that's the part where I'm struggling with the most, is like biting my my lip because there's so many things I want to say, and I would, God, I would give anything to have that lunch or whatever that you you said you had, um to have that just like an apology and the you know, and for just like from a really honest and true place, like it's just that like broke my heart you said that,

because that would just be like everything um, and it's like but I just don't think I'll ever really get that, which is just the the acceptance that I have to now accept um. And so it's um moving like moving going down the other road of Okay, that's not going

to actually happen. So now I have to try to be around someone and that and it's like we're trying and doing the very best we can, but it's there's still so many times when I want to be like I want to say something, and and it's you know, holding myself back because I'm like, okay, what we have right now, we're as cordial as we can be, and and you know, we're really just communicating about the kids.

But when I hear that, you know, you guys are going on family trips, it's like, yeah, that seems like the farthest thing that would ever happen or even be like a friend or I could fight in or or trust again. You know. So it's like yeah, and that's such a good point because and this is where you know, when we tell our story, even in the book, is we want to be very intentional and let people know

that we get it. Like again, if you told us fourteen years ago that we've been doing this just like you, I would answer never, you know, I I would have said never. And you know, but because of the commitment to our son, and I think that gets lost a lot of times and divorces and it's not done intentionally, or they don't premeditate how they're gonna do it, or

my parents didn't. But these emotions, right, these these negative hodgepodge melting pot of emotions sort of get the best of people and they make decisions that aren't really in the best interests of the kids. And you know, not to be inauthentic, but there were plenty of times where I bit my tongue. I wanted to say some there are plenty of times with Nikki bit her tongue, right. But but you know, now it's been a little easier where we don't necessarily have to buy our time because

we can be honest with each other. You know, there there are still things we still fight, you know, we it's not you know, this land of like, oh that's why I'm divorced you and okay, exactly, And it's a lot easier. It's a lot easier to accept when she's my best friend than even you know, but my ex

wife in the beginning. But when people listen to this um and you're going through it, it's really truly um an understanding that we've been there and we could never have imagined this, and it might not happen for everybody, but just you know, maybe hold space uh in there for and some curiosity to the possibility for sure, and I and I do, I do get that, and it's just I think we're I'm kind of struggling as I'm still in the grieving process of it. And when you know,

we talk, he's very much like, get over it. This is our reality, and I'm like, but I'm not there yet, Like this is still I'm not that light switch that can just be like, oh, yeah, this is our reality. I'm over it. Nor would I ever say for someone else to get over it like that to me is just like there's no empathy in that. So that's where I feel just like, um not understood. I feel alone. And but again it's those are all the things that now I have to process solo and with my therapist

and friends. But it's just it feels very business like and not to me is just like that's where I'm emotional about it because I never thought it would be like a business relationship like that, you know, where it's and it's like what about the there's how one person can be so business like and the other one's like very emotional. So obviously I'm you know, on the emotional side of it, but or I'm like, but how can

someone be so business like? Right? Right? And that's you know unfortunately, uh, you know, as people with a different body part between our lives, is that that is sort of you know, an m o of you know, at least for me. I don't know, I don't want to put all men, you know, sort of in this bucket for but for me and one of my you know, patterns in life is to just be business like right and did not feel and you know, to not um

you know. I was always told as a kid that I was too sensitive, uh, and I took that as being bad, right. I took that as a bad thing or that I wasn't mad enough. So I think that one of the things also is for me was to

be able to you know, accept that. And I wish I could say that I learned that fourteen years ago, but I just I just have learned that recently, but you know, you know, one of the things that that I did is probably um just like what you're talking about is be able to to disassociate the emotions uh or not feel and just replace that with business like And that doesn't mean that the emotions weren't there, but

it's a way. It was a way for me to protect emotions underneath and not have to deal with it. So that's like I would love to get your input, like as you know the guy, because he was saying I was being cold, and when when I when I UM shut something off, it's very I'm like, hey, what's up? Because I like it's either that or I'm gonna be like bawling crying, being like I you know, why did

this happen? I didn't want this? So it's like finding that in between for me has been really difficult because I'm like, I'm not meaning to be coold, but this is like what you get now. I don't like I I'm not there like hey how are you? You know? Like I am around the kids, but when it's just us,

I'm like, hey, what's up? Why are you cold? I don't I don't you don't want to know what I want to say exactly and that you know, that's about owning you know, the anger, you know, is emotion for me, though anger is also a secondary emotion right of you know, protecting something underneath it. But one thing that I had to do was and still have to do today, is own my anger. And it is an emotion and it is something that needs to be processed, especially for me.

I mean, if not, it comes out in the wrong way, and you know, it comes out as saying things I don't want to say and doing all that. But um, when you look at, um, the relationship with Nick and I in the beginning, um, it almost had to be uh a dynamic of or it would have been a dynamic of our old patterns and our old dynamic of throwing the emotional boomerang back and forth, right throwing the uh you know mean spirited or cold or whatever the dynamic was, and and just throwing that ball back and

forth and black forth. Now what we learned to do, and sometimes I did it, I think most of the time she did it, but was just dropped the baseball and not throw it back, you know, and learn how to. This isn't gonna go anywhere. This is we we've learned. We played this movie. This is why, you know. Yeah, I had to apologize the other day to them because I was, you know, just let my emotions get in the middle of what I thought should be happening. And then I was like, I'm sorry for letting what I

think should be going on or happening. It was regarding the kids. I was like, I projected how I'm feeling right now onto the situation, and I'm sorry. So I was proud of myself for owning it. But at the same time, it's just like, but I didn't want to be in this situation, but I left part of right. Well, I mean that, yeah, and that's what. And I also wanted to say when when that I forgot to say at the beginning is that I am not a lawyer, I am not a doctor, I'm not a therapist. I

didn't stay at a holiday in express last night. So you know, this is just you know, my human experience. Uh. And it seemed to work, you know with Nick and I. So, so this stuff I'm saying doesn't have any sort of basis in uh, you know, any sort of studies or anything. But what makes it? You're like, in the book like, what are some things that will be really helpful for people, um to have that happy divorce. Yeah. I think the

main thing, um is um putting our son first. And I think that that you know, gets thrown around a lot um. And and for Nicky and I looking back on it, we didn't have this brilliant uh strategy at the beginning. But as you probably can relate, when you have a decision to make when you're in that divorce or divorced or early divorced uh phase. Uh, you know, and you have the simple math equation of two plus two, right, Uh, you could have three different answers, right, one for me,

one for Nikki, and then one for our son. And what we've tried to do was always go with the one that was best for Asher, that equalled for UM, and that included who we dated, who we brought around him, everything. And there was you know, one story uh that we got divorced. Um. Nikki you know, sort of knew what I was gonna do, you know, sort of, so my wild oads if you will be the you know, uh sort of d bag and and date around and uh,

you know, she asked me. She called me one day and she said UM, can you do me a favor and not bring um, Mercedes diamond whatever, crystal crystal, Gucci you know around ash and so crystals, Gucci diamonds out there. We're not trying to type. Yeah, yeah, no offense. Um. And so she asked me that, and and the ego. The first response was, who the hell are you to tell me who I can and cannot bring around my son. Uh. And there was a lot of those sort of first reactions.

Now I didn't say it because you know, what I've what I learned to do and I still practice and I try to do, is just to pause right before and not go off of that first uh you know, uh gut checker or that first reaction. And then I thought about it. Uh. And she was right. I mean, at the end of the day, that was what equals for Frasher. For for to have him a revolving door of women in and out of his life with his dad, Um, what would not be good for him because he's already

got this trauma of his parents getting divorced. Now he sees this other side. UM. And so I said, you're right, and I won't do it. And so you know, there it was a year before I brought a woman around and introduced him, and I you know, gave Nikki UM, talked to her and explained to her how was gonna happen and when it was gonna happen. And so that's that That's just one example of many, but that's I think the uh you know, when you have that all

those decisions to make. Is what we did is we really put as her first, and we continue to do and we also, you know, part of a happy divorce, uh is a happy child, right, and his happiness and we gave him space, um, you know, to to express himself. And that's one thing that didn't happen uh in in my life and with my parents is it was sort of the event, right. It was this event mom and

dad are getting divorced. You know. They set us all down in the living room, um, and that was it, and there was no space or opportunity for us to express ourselves or to ask questions or to you know, talk about how we're feeling. Um. And so as for me, uh, I was like this is bad. I then internalized that and I thought to myself, well you must be bad.

And so one thing that we've done with Asher is to give him that space and that opportunity to express himself if he wants to stay another night at mom's house, even fourteen years later. I mean the beginning was a little harder. But for you know, yeah, fine, spent another night at your mom's house. Right, It's not about us, um. And if something's bothering, you talk about it. Um. And and so that's that that that's a component of it. But the other thing is people also, the main thing

is not the main thing. I talked about other people in our lives, uh and and and what's best for our son is to bring people into his life who understand our relationship, what we're trying to accomplish, and not become sort of a wedge that sometimes happens. Um. You know, it's easy. It's easier when it's just Nick and I in a bicycle. You had two more wheels to it, you know, and it becomes a car and they all

have to work together. Do you find that you guys have more respect for each other now than when you

were married? No question? Yeah, because it sounds like it sounds like it, you know, and I'm like, wow, that would be really cool, because I think there was so much resentment for me and my ex with each other, that it would be nice to want to get to that place where he actually looks at me and doesn't resent me or hate me and vice versa, you know, and we can just have just respect because we're putting the kids first, but also because we are respecting each other,

you know, better than we did when we were married. Yeah, and that's the turning point. I mean, at some point I can't even pinpoint when that happened, but that was when the faking it turned into making it right and it became this authentic, real relationship where it wasn't forced. Uh you know today, Um, Nikki, you know is has always been except for you know, a little time out there, but you know she's always had my back. She's always seen me for who I am and love me for

who I am. Um, I never you know, there's a peer there. I didn't see it, but it can't. It's sort of had come full circle and now you know she is when she tells me things and and gives me advice or calls me out on my nonsense, which she will do uh freely and oftenly. Um, there's not that who you know, there's not that stuff that I would get when she would tell me that before, like the you know, uh intellect trying to not take it in and to not listen to her. And it's just

a different reaction. So for the newly divorced couples, I mean, I kind of like what you said, just take it till you make it in a way where it's like we just because there's nothing has come good out, nothing has come out well with you know, him being mean or me saying something snarky. So it's like it's just being nice, accepting this what it is, what it is, and hopefully by time then your emotions just start to catch up to that, right, and then your life happens.

I mean that's the other thing, right is, as the time went on, it became clearer and clearer to both of us that this was the right decision. But it's also she got remarried, uh, and she started seeing that, Okay, this is what it looks like. And then I would see, uh, how she looked at her husband now, and it was clear she never looked at me like that, you know.

I mean, so she's so time and space, you know, creates I think a little clarity at least it did for us to be able to see why it happened and why you know, why it happened When you're when you're in it and you got all those emotions, it's it's hard to take it a look outside and to see what things really are. Um. And so the you know, thinking if you make it uh is also Uh it sounds a little flippant like saying it like that, but I get it. Yeah, at the same time, you have

to deal with the emotional stuff. You have to deal with that, and and the other thing we did, which I think is important. I don't know if they give rewards for people who get divorced quick like there's no it's not a race, Like, there's no award for getting it over quickly and getting this man with this woman

out of your life quickly. But an expensive lawyer bill a dark cloud that's gonna follow you around the rest of your life, and most importantly, a dark cloud that's gonna follow your kids around, um, you know, for the rest of their lives. So we took our time, you know, and like I said, Nikki was very grace graceful with her with allowing me that and and uh, it took us which we figured out the whole sort of business

side of it. After that coffee shop. We've out at that coffee shop I don't know five, six, seven more times and actually just said okay, where can we where what can we agree upon? And we ended up doing the whole a divorce, uh settlement or whatever you wanna call it. Uh, they're at a coffee shop. And then we handed it to the lawyers and said, draw it up. This is you know, that's where the business side of it does. And you know the business. You know, lawyers

aren't mental health providers. They aren't therapists. Uh. They get paid more uh than therapists. I remember my lawyer that they do. I love my therapist. Jason shot out, yeah, exactly, and probably my lawyer. I called her one day and she said, how are you feeling? And I said, Nancy, with all due respect, and I don't mean this to be you know, you know what, uh, but you're you're six hundred dollars an hour my lawyers. If I want to talk about my feelings, right, I can go to

my therapists and get five sessions, yes and present. And so you know, the the time that we took um was was a big uh foundation. I think of why we are able to sit here on your show and talk about our happy divorce. Well, I love that. And do what about the women, because I know there's a lot out there that still don't have that closure or that apology. What would you say to them to to move forward and not stay stuck in that wanting it and holding out for it? And do you think they

will come around? I hope that people. And again, this isn't something you know. I wish I could say I learned this a long time ago, but this is just a recent thing. Is expectations of somebody else um, and expecting something um is just as it's just a premeditated setup for a resentment. Right, it's just um because it

might come, it might ever come. But being able to take responsibility, uh, for your happiness, for your change, for your life, I think we'll go a long way because for me, and I'm sure Nikki would say the same thing is sitting around waiting if she had waited for me to do X and do that, That's why we know we got divorced, right, because it was always if only if only Ben would do this, if only Nikki would do this? Uh? You know and so yes, you know,

to to the women listening, it would be great. Uh if everybody could apologize and do what Nicki and I did and it which it wasn't just me apologizing, you know, I wasn't the spirit the spiritual giant in this uh. You know, in this equation. Nikki did the same thing for me. But it wasn't an expectation. You know, I didn't go into that coffee shop with an expectation of her doing anything back to me or you know, giving me anything back except for just to get this off

my chest. You know this was for me. Um. So. But but I think the expectations, um, or the wanting something or needing something, um, yes, I understand that people want that and need that, but there's no way that anybody can ever control that. But you can't. We're also determined or convinced are happy. Divorce doesn't have to be the you know land of rainbow waterfalls and unicorns that

we live in. But if you're able to not hand the kids the emotional divorce or bill for the divorce, and you know, find some sort of happiness and peacefulness and fulfillment in your life, um, regardless of the other person. Right, Uh, it still can be a happy divorce. You know. My therapist said the funniest thing to me, well, not the funniest thing, but it clicked. It was I was trying to explain to her, you know what I was wanting, and and she goes, Janna, you're walking into home depot

and asking for bread. You're not going to get bed at home depot. And I was just like, Amy, holy crap, that is like, that makes so much sense to me out of any everything that you just said to me. I was like, I'm literally walking into home depot asking for bread and milk and I'm not gonna get it. But it maybe you'll go to the next home deep boil thinking that they'll have it, or maybe you go to Lows because maybe the you know, they sell something

at home being right. And that's the other thing about focusing on on somebody else that was so important that Nikki and I did is we focused on our side of the street. And and that process was hard because it doesn't it wasn't natural for me or Nikki. But you know, even looking over there and going look at look at her. That's a little dirty over there. But you know, focusing on on what I can do and

what I can change and take responsibility for it. Um. And the other thing is the poison I realized that I was taking and Nicky was, you know, probably doing

the same thing. The poison uh of this resentment is anger and all this other stuff and hoping that Nikki died, Like what kind of life really is that where you're you're sitting there, you know, taking poison and you know, not being fulfilled in life, hoping the other person suffers and so that you know, that's that that that was at the end of our marriage and up until uh, you know that that moment you know, in the coffee shop and I want to you know, be you know, authentic.

It just didn't you know, snap our fingers after that coffee shop meeting and everything was great. No, for sure, I get that. But seriously, then, thank you so much for coming on, um, everyone that's listening, Get Our Happy Divorce. That's going to be UM my next book that I read. And UM, just thank you for coming on bringing your perspective and UM, yeah, I really really really appreciate it.

I appreciate you sharing your platform with us and I and I you know, I know where you are and I know where people who are going through it are and and it's a terrible traumatic experience, but it's not one that has to haunt or you know, suffer. Uh, you know, I think it's one of my favorite expressions of life. And is it. Pain is mandatory, but suffering is optional, you know. And I think with divorce, that is no truer statement. Uh is Uh, there's no truer

statement because it's painful. It is a terrible, hopeless feeling and guilt ridden and all the other stuff with the kids and and but the suffering part of it can be mitigated and uh, you know, and you can have a happy divorce, and you can have a happy divorce. There you go. Thanks then, appreciate you, Thank you, I appreciate you. Um. Well, I'm optimistic now with uh, with talking with him, and yeah, I think time kind of

helps everything. I mean, let's be honest, a few months ago, I couldn't feel myself off before and get out of that, so I think, um, we're all moving in the right direction. And I got to keep a positive outlook, especially for those babies. And I'm going to go now sit outside because in three hours Jolie is going to come home on the bus and I want to make sure I'm not late, and the bus stop is right in front of my house, so I'm a psycho mom Um. I'll see you guys next week