Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast. Okay, I feel like we need to start this episode how we started Easter Church Sunday, because it was one of those where the pastor was like, we're always going and going and rushing, and he's like, everyone, just take a nice deep breath. I feel like I need that right now.
It's a lot. It's only and it's early in the morning. It's already a lot.
I have thrown and footballs, made lunches, so.
Don't do way too much in the morning.
I would like to say I did have a moment this morning.
Up and I got ready.
Now I'm kidding your kids are at a different age though.
Yeah, I mean I help dreams to get ready, but like even then she gets herself ready too.
So yeah, it's definitely Jason's like play football. You know, Wine is in belgram mode. So I cannot detach her to save my life. Like she's literally have in the most tragic Academy Award winning Goodbye in the driveway this morning, Mama and like hand out, like never let go Jack, I mean, it's really something.
Wait, where did she goes? You go to daycare?
Now?
No? Yeah, single mom that gets up every single morning and has to get themselves in a car and get into traffic and do all of that. I thought that this point, how lucky am I to stay home?
Yeah? Holy Mac.
I look back and I'm like, I don't know how I did that. I'm not a morning person like we've talked about, and it's like get up, get ready, get all the kids to school, daycare, and then go into Nashville. Oh, I could never do it again. No, it's terrible.
So we're gonna We're just realized about myself. Is I'm a psycho when I'm.
Do you want to end it there? That's where my sentence ends this morning period.
I know when I go to my freak out moment. Today was my freak out, and I know why now I go to my freakout when I am so overwhelmed with a million different things. Normally the way that a dishwasher is loaded.
This is not where I thought this was going, is how I know?
Please continue?
This is actually this was gonna be my wine about it. But it's not just host chat because it kind of explains I can I have another wine about it. But don't worry, there's something there. Do Okay, yes, stay duned, dearest readers. So I was I have a very particular way of how I do the dishwasher. Now I am very I'd rather though, so I don't usually freak out. I rather just the people put them in the dishwasher. It's fine. I will then quietly rearrange because I love
to save space in a dishwasher. I loaded, like, that's correct. And so, but what I've realized is, and I've always kind of wondered when this comes, but now I know when it comes is when I'm so overwhelmed, everything just
gets and I then I explode. Right So, in the middle of throwing a football this morning with Jase trying to make lunches, making him he's got like this, uh he has to memorize like his street, you know, street address, my phone number all so, and then the spelling tests and we're working all that in the morning, throwing footballs like right his you know, during all that, and then like Granma's like and then I open the dishwasher, I'm.
Like, oh my gosh, we are soul mate.
And so but then it's but then then I can't stop the train of like I see the laundry in the corner. And then but then, you know, so it's like I so when I know there's so many things I have to do, I then look at everything that's left undone, and then it feels like it's all left
for me to do. Now I know, I have a very you know, helpful partner and all those things, but in those moments, I can't control my explosion, right, and I don't explode at anybody, but well, I mean I make a little snippy when we take that back here, but he's like, wow, some of my little little passive little throws there, you know, But I can't stop it. It's like it's I get and then I'm like, I just I can't stop the ball from rolling when I feel so And now mind you, I'm leaving for Kentucky today.
I booked a new movie. I have a whole entire script that I do not know. And then I've but I and then I have to you know, then I'm I get to do all the other things for the kids and this, that and the other. So I am wildly at the moment stressed. And there's a lot to do and a lot to learn, and a lot to get done before I leave. Today. I like the location, so I just I just feel like I just needed to let that out. And now that I've said it, I'm okay. But you know what I'm saying.
Oh, I know what you're I know what you're saying. But are sure you're okay?
Yeah, I'm good. I'll cry about it and probably too. No, but I now know, though, I'm going to have to do some sort of like breathing technique or something when I get like this, because I now know I explode and turned psycho over things that I don't usually become psycho about, but I do it when I'm overwhelmed. So can y'all help me what to do in that moment?
I think we do it. I rage cleaner too, so nothing like I mean.
I am folding launder, throw on the football. Well, I didn't put this laundry win. I guess it's left for me to fault this morning.
For me, it's always the fork flip in the dishwasher. Why are the tongs down? Why are they doing that? It will never the cleanliness will.
Never reach it out. They're down.
They put My family loves to put the forks all down.
Yes, it's cut through the other way. If you put the tongues up, if you put the forks up, so my thing it's like, but I usually lay them on the top, so I've got like a thing on the top and then you like, I play them very precisely.
This is definitely not what I stress about.
Well, I think it's for me. I'll just grab control and so that's all it is. It's the fork flipping has nothing to do with the grand scheme of things at all.
I will say, a knife up will drive me crazy because I almost kill Yeah, my kids do the dishes, the older ones, they mostly do the dishes, so it's always wrong. So y'all would die. But I'm just like whatever, But like, my house is a disaster.
But you're so cold.
I am.
I told you, Remember we talked about this, like I'm fine. Amy's like the mess. You know, remember that the mess will not be there. So I've really embraced it. I know now why when I explain.
Yeah, if I'm overwhelmed about other things, so that's won't be my first. My first will be I'm overwhelmed about the kids of this, this, this, and this, and then I'll come home to the house dirty and then it may throw me over the edge, like I didn't give a crap the you know, the week before that it was a mess. But I will. But I think being overwhelmed,
I think that's normal. I get like when you're overwhelmed, like that's when people get Now, we can't control our response to it and how we act, I've been told, but I'm not really good at that either.
I think what I might struggle with is when I come back from the movie, I don't want to because this has happened before. I don't want to come home to a big Powell laundry, right, So I have to find a way to say something.
Yeah, just ask.
Yeah, I mean it's so hard for me, you know.
But the being it is worse. Yeah, yeah, I mean it really is. It really is, because you're going to be let down.
Now.
I'm the laundry person at my house. So I will one hundred I mean, Nick will do it if it's there, like I will one hundred percent come back to laundry. But he does the dishes when the kids don't sure ninety nine percent of the time. He does a lot of other stuff. But the laundry will always be there when I get back. But if I asked he would do it.
Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I will have to have to figure out how to control when you're out of control, how to control yourself.
Well, I think too, in those moments, we're not only looking for control, but probably a little efficiency, which if things were done, then it makes it easier for you to prep yourself and get yourself out of here, you know where things are. That's at least my usual frustration. Like even this morning, this is not what I wanted
to wear. I could not find the sweat I couldn't find my sweatpants, and I just was like, you know, you're like yeah, and it can't be my fault what you know in that moment, it just has to be that no one is helpful the truth we do y.
I just think it comes down to expectations too. You know, at the end of the day, you're bombed or you're upset because your expectation was for someone else to help pick up the load, even though they didn't know that was your expectation, right, or he didn't know, or the kids didn't know, and that.
Is like there was no that'll be for when when you get back, when I get back. This was more just like I just feel like I got I have to. I'm going to have to do all the work that I've done with Amy about embracing the mess and all that stuff and not letting it stress. Because I've done such a good job, truly, I've like one eighty that. But now I know where I still struggle is when I'm wildly stressed and overwhelmed and feel like I've got all these things to do, and then I look around
and go, is anyone right right? Is anyone out there?
Never raft I felt it this aggressive comin looking up what I'm putting down.
Well.
I also sometimes just wonder what it's like to be my husband in these moments because I feel terrible for him and the moments.
Because he's going so I feel because like he's so good, you know what I mean, Yeah, so helpful, so so so so so helpful. It's almost like he knows I just need to like have my freak out and then I'm like, I love you. I'm sorry.
Preston called it, he calls it my shell. I go into my shell, he said. I went into my Easter shell, he told me on Easter. But even this morning, like he's you know, he is just so excited to put a new grip on Legend's bat. And so there he is just putting a grip on Legend's bat, and I'm
making free breakfast. And he he has a right today, so he's just thinking about that, you know, and putting a grip on his bat, and I'm just over there trying to make a shake so that I don't starve today, and like, you know, just preemptively, you know, whatever it is. It just and I thought, I want to He has so much stress and I feel like he handles it so much better than me. He has the weight of the world on his shoulders currently, and and you wouldn't
know that. So why am I spirally? I don't know.
Somebody has to be sure. There's one in every couple. Catherine. You came in saying you've got a lot to talk about.
Oh, not on here. Oh listen. I actually said, they're not going to come out of my mouth. Oh I do. You don't want to hear that things that don't need to come out of my mouth? Because it was it was not it was not nice. Well that's not mean, but like I felt like it was better to keep to myself.
Normally, a mean person.
It wasn't mean, but it wasn't you. Yeah, I mean it wasn't It was what you were talking about earlier. And I just had a comment and then I was like, you don't want to keep that comment to myself. I'm going to be better. Sorry, really here.
No, that's that's good. I mean I've lere my lesson keeping my comments.
To my comments to myself.
It's fine. What else is going on, guys?
I would like to tell you about a Costco experience I had about I don't know what it is. Put it where you want to feeling really sad? Okay, I'll go with mine about it. I know I'm getting older, Okay. One of my very friends actually at home, her son
is now engaged. Okay, Okay, she's hot, and she's like, just you know, forties forty three maybe, ok wow, right, because a lot of times in my hometown it was prom engagement babies, right, So I think that because I'm forty three with a toddler, I sometimes just don't register that there's people that will potentially be like being a mother of the bride right now.
Right.
So I'm in Costco. I left y' all last week and I had to go do the daddy daughter dance shopping. So I go to Costco and guys, this, I'm not even gonna say I'm in denial about getting older, because maybe I am. Maybe I am, because this moment really was like a bullet. Did they give you like an ARP card?
You know?
He says, Sweet Steve is at Costco. Oh, sweet at Costco.
Remind me he's a checkuck. He's assisting the checkout guy. Yeah, And I think Sharon could sense what was happening and she could not get the train back on the track past enough. And so he says to me, are you Meghan's mom? And I said I'm not. I'm not Megan's mom. And he said, you look just like Megan. She works in produce. Megan's old enough to have a job and be filing taxes. And he goes and I can tell that Sharon is screwing. She's like she did not get
the mom. You know, that's not Megan's mom. And I'm like no, And so I say, because I'm just trying to save myself, I go, is Megan really kind?
I hope she's really cool.
Oh, she's kind and she's so cute. And I was like okay, and then Sharon keeps saying, well, you know that's not Megan's mom because that she doesn't look like she doesn't look like Bob's wife. Come on now, And I'm like, what is happening that I, at forty three will go home and have a toddler on my hip. But I could also be Meghan who works in his mom It really hit me.
Like I have a really funny story that's very similar to that that happened to me last night.
Let me can I ask a question real fast? Did we know before this happened Steve's name, Sharon's name, and Meghan was yeah, mean.
No, but I can assume that Meghan is old enough to drive herself to work.
Okay?
It a high school.
I think you literally were like, oh Meghan from.
Pro because Catherine has to remind me, because I was quite sad that I was had a sixteen year old daughter in my movie.
And she's like hey, and I was like, that's right. People started young.
Yeah they did well even then. I was still only twenty five, so like I was young, but like people start way younger than that, you know what I mean?
Right? I did feel quite old speaking to that because my buddy, Shane West, I'm going to drop that name. So he texted me, you know, the he was the heart throb from A Walk to Remember. So we're buddies. He's he lives in Nashville, and so we've been sending scripts kind of back and forth, and he sent me a script last night. He's like, hey, you'd be perfect for this role. So I'm reading the script and I'm like, oh,
this is awesome. Well she just got a twenty five year old though, and I'm like, I don't think I have that kids On the one, Yeah, I was like, I said forties, and I'm like, well, I am forties, so that's fine.
But forties and forty one are very Yeah, they can be very different.
That kind of hurt my heart a little bit.
Yeah. And the thing is is, I'm not like, a.
I love being forty though I did say last episode, but I again, I do love being forty.
I think it's weird. I think maybe because I had a baby at forty one, like I have a toddler at forty three. That's like a I think it almost tricks me or something. And because truthfully, a lot of our friend case in point, like a lot of us have had babies later, so I don't know it just really I was, I know I'm getting older. I love the forties a lot. Actually very empowering, gaid for me so far, but like just really I thought, okay, wow, I could would be Megan's Megan from Produce?
Was Megan really from Produce or did you make that?
No?
She is, and I hope she's adorable. I mean what I wanted to.
Say, is she gonna go find her? This is Megan.
Just avoid all contests, say I hate kick Guard Pasco.
Yeah, all right, so we're actually going to go to wine about it now. Even though I feel like our host chat was a continuous.
I feel like that happens every week. Wait it doesn't.
No, No, Megan loves her best life. I just wanted anybody got one?
No, you do?
I know I do have one.
I was.
I posted something yesterday on my page about I was sitting out so so so Jace had a baseball game, Alan had his clinic, and so Jace said, you know, can I play for another you know fifteen some the mints. I said, sure, I'm gonna be up in my office. Well in my office, I have got a nice little balcony and I like to watch a sunset at night, and so jolly, same thing. Like she was kind of getting ready for bed. Well, so I was like, hey, guys, I'm just gonna be in my office. So she comes out.
She's so sweet. She brings her little Bible and her little daily devotional thing. Didn't ask her to do that, and she just came out and sat in the chair next to me. She's like, can I sit here? I'm like, of course, like anytime. So we're sitting there. She's just like reading her little devotional and then picks up the Bible and then you know, she was showing me He's like, no lift, bring in here and fifty years like so we're like just like chatting. I'm like I didn't know that,
but it's good. And so just like really enjoying the moment, right, And so I'm like, man, this is such a peaceful moment. We're you know, also quiet, listening to the birds, and it's just like a beautiful thing. And what a beautiful moment to feel that just peace because I felt like so long I've just dealt with stress and anxiety and worry and all all, you know, and past relationships are single whatever, And so I post just saying like, hey, if anyone's in the trenches right now, let go of
what's holding your piece captive. And then I get someone that is someone that comments back, being like, oh, easy for you to day in your big ass house, and I just wanted to say so I wrote back, and I was like, it's actually is not about I was talking about like relationships and love and life and my thing with I guess my wine about it is it's not even that people say mean comments. It's not about that they're struggling with something that they're obviously dealing with
a lack of peace maybe in their life. I don't know. But my thing is my wine about it is that you don't for me, My piece has never come from a material object ever, like ever, no matter how big of a house I'll ever have and do I like my card no, but like, no matter if I've got my dream g wagon or any I mean you guys, I shop at Amazon, you know what I mean, Like, I'm not like that, but to buy expensive clothes like that's not going to ever Like things will never give me peace.
I'm not gonna give any one piece.
Yeah, and so I just I guess my wine about it is that it just it bothers me that people think that that's what's imp that that is what will give people piece.
I think people are just looking for something negative. I don't think that they're necessarily like yeah, I mean, and maybe maybe there definitely are people out there that they're like, Man, if I just had a bigger house, I'd be happy. If I just had more money, I'd be happy. I do think that there are people that feel that way. But in that moment, I think someone's just looking for something negative.
But also like I work my ass off to have a nice house. I've worked my like tailoff, not saying other people don't work, they're butt off, but also like I have grind it, I continue to grind. I'm about to go, you know, miss really important things that i'd love to see at the kids' school, and you know, games to go work my ass off to provide for my family. So we you know, and I again, I grew up. I had to quit figure skating because my
mom couldn't afford lessons. And I understand people have to a single moms, you know, they can't afford certain things. And I feel for them because I but also I want I've always worked my butt off so my kids don't have.
To quit a sport that they love, right, you.
Know, Yeah, I mean I just think I think that, yes, agreed, And I think everyone works their you know, asses off, and you know, and some people have smaller homes, some people have bigger homes. Some people have nicer cars. People don't have, you know. And it's interesting because like my kids always talk about like, oh, they're rich, they're rich. I'm like, why, yeah, why do you think they're rich. We'll look at that car, that doesn't mean they're rich. Why does that make them rich?
It's weird.
Look at that house that doesn't make them rich.
When I was little, I would have been the rich kid. I was not the rich kid.
I never know.
I mean like now looking at my like right, like we were not we were not I mean renting, I mean, we were never honestly, like just so many things that I could say, but I'm trying to like, but if you like, I would consider myself to be the rich kid now. And that's not anything in our orbit here, like you know what I mean, Like we're not like our house is really beautiful it's the nicest house I've ever lived in, a nicer than anything I thought i'd
live in. And also we've been there for nine years and we don't want to leave because our mortgage is low and we have a two point one interest rate, you know. So, like, I think it's interesting people's perception of our lives or that they automatically go to financial piece.
Like I still like, yes, I have money in the bank, I'm not in the red, and I can I can understand people would want well, once I got out of the red, yes, I had some financial piece, but I'm never really a piece with that because you just never know it'especially especially in my line of work. So it's like, but that's not the first thing that people should like. I mean, but I guess again, people that are struggling to buy groceries and all this. I emphasize it because
I get it. I used to steal toilet paper from my fucking work, you know what I mean, Like I understand being in the nave, so but also like, but also the money free is not exactly but the money for me is never going to give me peace, right because I come from the negative, had to quit things, didn't have the money growing up eight literally just broccoli for dinner, you know what I mean, re frozen tiketos
for a year straight. Yeah, So I do think people's perception is probably a lot of the Yeah, people just don't know. Yeah, Like Preston and I both are scarcity mentality when it comes to that, and I've had to like work my butt off to get myself out of that feeling. But still even now I'm hustling on the side, you know, like I just can't. And he's the same way. He's a preacher's kid, so he's just assumes.
They're well, I think you are going to be hustling no matter what.
Yeah. Yeah, peace from within is rich in life, yeah, you know, yeah, for sure, like that is. And I like what a glorious feeling to be able to leave for my movie and not worry about my husband cheating on me or stressing about like I get to actually go do my work and not stress about someone cheating on me because that's what the stress I always had, and like it would happen. It happened on a set, you know what I mean, Like when I was somewhere.
So it's like to be able to like just feel peace and like, oh, like I don't have to I don't have to stress about that. That's really what I was, you know.
Well, And I think that that shows that in that moment, what you were posting about with your piece is what your experience is and what has felt you like you don't have peace. So maybe that person responding that's what makes them feel like they don't have peace is because they don't have enough money in the bank or they don't have the house that they want, so they go to an assumption, Yeah, that that's what you're talking about, Like that has nothing to do with it.
Literally, I think it's about being like a well human because I honestly a friend of mine, Melissa, who's worked her ass often build a business here in Nashville, and I'm really proud of her. She owns a salon here and has grown her business exponentially. And she posted about this house right and it's stunning she's building and it is gorgeous, no detail is left, like it is magic. And she had this moment she sat on her stairs.
This is a couple weeks ago, and I never scroll, really, but I do love Melissa, so it was to me divine intervention that I saw it happen, and so she does this story. She just sat on her stairs and she got really tearful and she was like, I didn't have money, we didn't eat, we didn't like you see the shiny parts of me flying out with Carrie Underwood and you see this and you see that. And she was like, but that's not like I just want to tell you to keep going. And it was the most
heartfelt thing. But I'm not. I'm watching her to be inspired, not to be hateful, and I think that is just it's a heart posture for a lot of people too.
Yeah. That actually brings up something that it did happen that I'll whine about if we're done with it. It's very similar. I actually wasn't going to talk about this, but here we go. This is similar. So the other day and if y'all saw it, I don't really because Okay, I posted something and it was insensitive of me. It definitely, Yeah.
I did you delete it?
Yeah? I did.
It almost texted you and said there's I'm sure you're going to get I did.
Yeah, So here's my thing. It was very new and I was, yes, I'm in it. The opposite way of what it was meant, but it came across as I don't even want to say what I said because at this point I'm not happy with what I did. Right, okay, but my wine about it is not that I received. Hey, this may come across not the right way, maybe you should take it down. It came you're an asshole, you're
a terrible human, you are all the things. And to each person that sent that, there was probably five, I copied and pasted and I was like, you're right, I'm so sorry. I deleted it. That was not my intention, but I absolutely see where that came across that way. But you know the one that was like, you're an asshole? And I was like, what makes you better than me? Like, what makes you better than me making a mistake that
I did not? That was not my intention for you calling me an asshole like I don't understand, like a terrible human like and then I coming to your you always say gracious assumption, like I understand they don't know me. These people do not know me. There wasn't anyone I knew that responded to me. Not one person.
That from thed this. Sorry they didn't respond from you responding to them, like, no.
One that responded to me actually knows me. Right, there were only people that don't know me, So I get that.
You know.
Maybe the people that did see it, there was gracious assumption that I didn't mean it in that way, and they didn't take it, you know, they didn't take it as badly as some of the other people did. Again, I welcomed the hey, you need to take this down. There was a few people that said that and said, you're so right. I took it down. Should have never said that. But the ones that just attacked me back, I'm like, you're no better than me, you know what
I mean, Like we all make mistakes. I made a mistake and I shouldn't have said what I said, but like, you're not better than me. And I was just so frustrated and so like I was disappointed in myself because I truly did not Obviously I wouldn't have posted it if I thought that I was being insensitive, I wouldn't have I don't know what I was thinking. It was a quick whatever, I really and so I don't even
want to talk about it. I won't even give it a whole lot of light because I don't want other people attacking me, but like I just really frustrated me because I was like, there's no gracious assumption that hey, maybe she's not a terrible person. She made a mistake and let me just like give her like a little hey, maybe you want to take that down.
Well, I also think we are all I actually had this.
I was dming with a mom last night who listens to the podcast podcast, and she was so thankful for the way that we openly share and all of the things that we say on here, and I said, I'm really grateful for hearts like yours because we come on here and we just you guys, there are times and I mean this, like literally, I forget that we're recording because we're just like talking like friends, and so there is we are just being honest and we're just being people.
And it's like I think sometimes people just forget like we're also just moms and humans and lives and.
Yeah, and I own my mistake, like I So.
Here's the thing, though, I don't like you're getting You're going so hard on yourself. So I knew exactly what you meant, yeah, when And the truth is is like you you don't see from that lens.
That's my thing. I was like, I didn't even think about it that way.
Right, you don't ever you don't look at people going that skinny, right, you don't, you don't. It was basically I was body shaming, but she like, they're bigger, Like, it's not, it's not weight bigger. It was they're just like I.
And and truthfully, basically, I'll just go ahead and say it's not whatever. Ramsey's team was playing another team and.
They an older team. Sometimes they play older, but no, they looked.
A lot older. Yeah, okay, Ramsey is you know, she was catching and she just looked really I don't want to get attacked again for saying it, but she was just really be.
Size though she's small, but I'm saying she's also short or so. But I was watching what I said, I was watching Maria's I was watching Maria's team yesterday because they were right next to Jason's team, and I said, is this an older age group because sometimes they play up older age I'm like, these girls look so much bigger. And I don't mean yes, wide, I mean taller. But I said, so I saw what when I was like, and I was like, oh, I know where people are going to take it. But I knew what you meant.
Right, right, right, and so again it was insensitive of me. I was not looking at that other child in any negative light whatsoever.
Kat, that's just not your.
And they coming from that's not we don't for any of us, like we don't know, we don't say like even Jolie when someonehen she was learning what I was like, No, we don't say fat like we was.
You know, that sweet child was not fat, and I didn't call her fat. It's just was my little like you looked younger than everybody, you know, and so that was kind of just my point because she's like over here like this little catcher, you know whatever. Either way, it was not right of me, and I shouldn't have done it.
However, when you learn small I have a book that I'm reading to Jase right now. Small big, Yeah, that's I was thinking height. That is what I'm saying. So like, but their people are going to people. People don't pole took the wrong assumption. I meant right, And that's where people and I'm like, that is that's awesome. You're going straight to the negative. So just like what I'm saying, people look at it and go straight to the negative.
It's like that is not now we can totally see understand, which is why in this like yeah, take it down because it's so fine. Absolutely, but of course why would why would you think someone is going to say something like that about a kid. It's literally Roman in this book small big tall fall, you know what I mean?
Tall like whatever, like yeah, And that's what made me think about it because I wasn't going to talk about it because I was just like, you know, I'm not proud of it. But that's what made me think about it. It's like the but you weren't out of it.
It's like you didn't look at it and that lens because you're not looking at a negative lens. And then you're saying you're not proud, like oh like that that was Ah, you didn't look from a full maybe left, I think, but that's not your like.
Right, I mean I think it's looking at the intention. And again there were a few people that responded those like Okay, I appreciate it. It was slightly nice, like you should take this down, and like one or two people were like thank you. No one person was like thank you. I really appreciate it. But the other ones, you know, it was like, you know, to the one that called me an asshole, I was like, I you know, did the same. Yes, I'll take it down. You're right, I
take it down. Blah blah blah. I'm like, but I do not understand what makes you any better than me?
Did she respond?
She goes, I just call it like I see it.
And I said, okay, and that's it.
But it's wild to me that she she's blocked on my phone.
Well, and then, you know, none of them actually follow me.
Oh of course not. Well the one that said it's on mind too does not.
Vo I was like, so you just came here looking clearly. One person saw it, told other people and they came to find it because I'm like, y'all don't even follow me, So why are you even again?
I think it's just so the thing with this is we don't do things perfectly right sometimes we and we're not. Don't look at this is that my couples therapist said this too. Don't look at the person straight as the enemy, you know, and don't look at it straight as negative, right, So don't have the think that they have ill intention. You did not have ill intention. I didn't have ill
intention with my with my post. Why do don't the person that goes to comment, first of all, why but also if you want to like, don't go at it you're an asshole, don't go at it so negative. Assume that someone is coming from a good place and not the enemy, and then have a great conversation. You could a great conversation. Then you saw, Oh, you're right, that looks insensitive. I'm going to take it down. Yeah, but doesn't make you a bad person. Yeah, Oh, I actually was kind of like, were you okay?
Like yeah, I mean, because again, if I saw something like that, I just I cannot imagine doesn't make me any better than anyone. But I cannot imagine ever calling someone an asshole or a terrible person. Or but if I it's like, hey, maybe if I was so worried for that person, you know, hey, you might want to take this down. Totally understand. I just I can't imagine coming that negative of a.
Place because there's literally a way to say everything.
You can't tell anyone anything I.
Mean, or even just in a different way, it can still be like assertive and not be horrible.
Yeah, like That's what I struggle with.
I'm like, there's literally a way to say everything, And even for me spiraling about a dishwasher, there's always a way I can say it to my family Totally, I could have.
There's no point of me saying anything that's like at the end of the day, like thank you for putting the dishes in the dishwasher. If I have a frickin issue of why it's not loaded, right, let me just change it. But I don't need to be.
Passive right right right, you know, but like if you wanted to, you could say something and everyone would understand, right.
Like, guys, this actually bothers me. Could we just maybe work to try to put the bulls here? Because that would really help mommy out easy done? Why? Why?
Yeah? But also like we're all still learning. Like I know we're forty, and I know that sounds stupid, but like we're all humans and we're all gonna make mistakes and we're all still learning. Like and you know that taught me something that day, Yeah, to think past what I'm thinking and to look at the bigger picture and what other people could perceive this as.
Like I mean saying we're coming up by my year anniversary of doing that same thing, so mean, you know, being more mindful what you say because people you know you heard, Yeah it's not nice.
Sure right, even though you don't mean to be that way. Anyways, that was a good wine. I'm really proud of you, though, oh wow, thanks. I was not my proudest moment. But that's okay. But it's also I don't like the shame that we carry about it because I do feel like it's like we're just being human in oops, you made a mistake, like you know what I mean. Yeah, also like and I'm not but that stuff hurts me, like that stuff will throw my whole.
So normally will And I literally after I got those and I responded, I was like, I'm letting this go. I'm not gonna work. My intention was not bad, like if I had a bad intention, and I really felt like really really guilty about like, okay, that was not kind, you know, but I was like, there was no bad intention here. I'm letting this one go, and like no one's going to tell me I'm an asshole or a bad person because I know I am not.
With Asagia four walls, what's the truth inside of four walls. Yep.
Elizabeth Hurley debuts her new relationship with Billy Ray Cyrus Happy Easter. So apparently they're the newest celebrity couple we did not see coming. Hurley fifty nine. Cyrus sixty three captioned a joint Instagram photo kissing Hurley during a visit
to a farm. And I have to tell you when this headline was sent to us in our group wind down, Oh boy, I've always wondered who the people were that would zoom in damn on a photo, because there's so many times when I'm like, gosh, alan they noticed this, and I'm like a lot of people zoom who zooms in a freaking photo? Well, you know what our best friend here on the couch, dearest listeners, Kristin Brust, would
you like to explain yourself? I was like, no way, are you the my like someone who zooms in.
Zoom in on some photos? Really to look if there's a certain things Easter.
Eggs, like you know, like Easter eggs, like little like you know, clothes yep, Well what did you what did you see on the finger? Well?
I felt like I saw. I feel like I'm pot story. I I really want to defend myself here.
I felt like, oh, I think this was a fair one. By the way, I feel like her.
Ring finger looked a little off it did. It looked photoshopped a bit, and so I sent back in what I thought was the trust.
Tree zoomed. There's no trust. She zoomed in on the photo.
I said, zoom in. I think that we have a secret engagement. It feels like something she has covered her finger.
I never mind, I'll just do it for you because I hadn't looked at it yet. So that was all Ulah. I mean, something's not right.
With Maybe they're engaged. Breaking news here on wind Out. Oh god, Chris Christien sees a messed up photoshop on our ring finger.
I did see it, you guys. I couldn't help but see it. What do I think of the relationship. I like, I didn't see that one coming. But so cute, so cute, you guys. Preston's obsessed with this. He keeps going, you guys, and it's very good looking. There's they seem happy, like. I think it's funny because we all have been around enough celebrities at this point. Everyone on these couches, we've been around enough that I don't know that I get
superstarstruck mins Jresca Simpson, but even stuff. So it's funny to me when someone like my husband is like Billy Ray, can you believe it? Because he's friends with him enough, and he's like Elizabeth Hurley like he can't. He goes, we are driving around on our buggy last night, sunset hunting and he goes, you believe it, baby, just over that ridge right there. Elizabeth Hurley is probably Billy Rays also, And I was like, what is happening in my life?
I think, Yeah, I think they're cute guys.
I love when people find love same and I just hope they're happy, I know. And it's so cute with the Bunny ears and he's.
Had a rough couple, you know, a rough go the last couple.
Yeah, I hope that he's same.
He's good and happy.
But Francis cause of Death revealed one day after his final surprise appearance for Easter thoughts on that it made me really sad. I just couldn't believe it kind of because he was just there. Yeah, I mean he was, which is wild timing, right, I mean.
Yeah, weird. Yeah.
I went back and zoomed in. Did she zoom into the tomb just to.
Get a well check on the guy? Well, I just was like, that's crazy that he was able to do that like the day before and then literally passed the next morning.
Yeah, I was watching. It was so sweet. She's like Jolie because I sometimes sometimes have the news on in the morning. She's like, oh, the Pope died, and she was so sad. I was like, well, honey, he lived a really long, beautiful life. He helped a lot of people, and it was really sweet. But he said, gosh, I saw this on the news and he spoke about this about technology, because you know, we've obviously talked about technology
on the show. How I would like for us to look less at screens and look each other in the eyes more. I just thought that was so sweet. Sometimes something's wrong if we spend more time on our cell phones than with people. And this was his prayer about technology just three weeks before his passing, and yeah, I just he goes, It's true. Technology is the fruit of the intelligence God gave us, but we need to use it well. It can benefit only a few while excluding others.
He said, unite to use it to unite, not to divide, And that just goes to what we're saying in our wine about it, where don't go to divide on social media. Come to night Whether and listen. There's obviously people that listen to show, listen to this show just to hate on us, and why you know, just a if you don't like us, don't listen, Yeah, and be try to see from a different light. And if not, let's talk to us about like you know, like you don't know, like when you said, like why why you know.
Send us a message. If there's something you don't like, let's talk about it.
I mean, let's get a hater online listeners. But I also go back to the point though too, it's like, you know, everyone's gonna gonna love us, and personality types just don't mesh sometimes. But you don't need to be rude, so you can just hang step away.
You know, even from saying that I that I megan and produce, I'm already already know the messages I'm going to get. It's just it's a weird feeling when you yeah, it's hard to like we I think we all kind of intentionally like walked into this space, like we didn't think Cat and I for sure didn't.
Really walked into this unintentionally.
Yeah, I didn't think we would be doing this as long as we have, and it's been so fun. And I would say like it, the greatness of it outweighs tiny little turd buggers that slide into your deals.
But it does.
But there are moments like when I would like to say that we could all be friends. Yeah, we might not understand her that we might, they might not like, but we can all just.
You guys, I've got one that hates every single time, and I just respond with kindness every single time. And I'm like, I'm not going to get to this level. Yeah, I just walk. Sometimes there's mostly balk. Okay, well you have two million high lady. Hi, ladies, get ready for a long one. My best friend and I have been friends for over twenty years. She decided My best friend
and I have been friends for over twenty years. She decided to divorce her husband after him cheating on her multiple times and him just not being a good guy or a dad. I was extremely proud of her for this and did my best to support her in any way I could. She started to date and sleep around, which again I supported and told her to just be careful and be mindful about introducing guys to her kids.
She had texted me the one day saying a guy we went to school with, who graduated with my husband and who worked with my husband recently slid into her DMS and asked her out, and she was really excited. When I told my husband, he said, please tell her it's not a good idea. He's just using her for sex and he's abusive. I could tell by the way
he would talk about other women he's dated. After I texted her this, I fell asleep because it was late, and when we woke up the next morning, my husband had text messages from the guy threatening him, and I had a text for my best friend saying that the guy said my husband needs to keep his mouth shut and a bunch of other business nonsense. I obviously freaked out on my best friend because she completely betrayed my confidence and screwed my husband over when he was only
looking out for her. And her response was, I appreciate him looking out for me, but he shouldn't say things like that about someone unless he has concrete proof. But I get your mad, so I'll give you some space. We've barely spoken and it's almost six months and we never received any type of apology. I'd also like to point out during us not talking, I still bought from her school swund raiser and dropped off a birthday gift for her daughter, but she got nothing for my daughter
for her birthday. My question is, am I the asshole here? Asshole just seems to be a friend on show? Am I wrong for being pissed off? I want to reach out and talk to her, but I'm still extremely hurt and pissed off that she not only betrayed me but my husband, and I feel like she really owes him an apology. It's just that over twenty years of friendship, our daughters were best friends, and I feel like I don't even know who she is anymore. Ooh, that's a
tough one. She's not an asshole. I agree, you're not an asshole. No, you're really no.
I mean she was just looking out for her. But by the same token, I don't think that the friend necessarily betrayed her in a sense that I feel like it would be easy for that person in that position to go to the guy and be like, hey, like why are these you know, are they saying stuff about you with not an intention for him to go then and like threaten them and do all that. You see what I'm saying, Like, I don't think that the friend's
intention was to necessarily betray her friend either. I think she was just trying to get answers probably and trying to figure out like, if I told you something about someone you're dating, you're probably going to go to them and be like, hey, why is so and so saying that you did X Y.
And you can't get mad at me for saying that, because obviously i'd want to know you.
Can expect, like I would expect if I'm telling you something like that, that it's probably going to get back to that person.
Yeah.
So I don't think she was an asshole. I think she was trying to, you know, look out for her friend and that's but sometimes unfortunately, things like this happen when you're trying, when you're you know, I think everyone's intentions were good, but it kind of went south. Unfortunately.
Having said that, the guy then sending threatening messages to her husband like that just should show the friend, ye his character, because if I heard someone say something and you know this has happened in the past before. I've then gone to the person and said, hey, can we talk this out, because I'd love there must be a misunderstanding come from it, at least with a place of kindness. But for the due to a straight up start threatening that kind of does validate what does has been saying.
Yeah, guys, I'm going to go against a little bit what you're saying. Okay, I don't think she should have mentioned it to that guy at all. I think there's a way to protect your friend the friend. I think that the yeah, maybe the friend dating yeah, needed to have been more prospective of where she got that information, because that's really that's really just throwing your your og friend under the bus for a.
Dude that you don't even know. I would say, like a friend, I heard this from someone.
Yeah, Like ideally go to the person and not say who.
I think you can get your answers without even saying you heard anything. I think you can ask really until questions without even saying you heard anything, and just make him kind of answer things and get your own like know what you know, right, know what you know? Keep it in like a little file folder. But then like ask without throwing a friend under the bus, because she really was trying to be protective of her and.
She didn't get protected back.
And I hate that.
Yeah, I mean it's fair, Yeah, I agree. I just I think to make it sounds like she still wants this friendship, but she's hurt. So I think that if she can see it, as you know, maybe her intention was not to hurt you. It really was just to get an answer, but she made a mistake and she
didn't protect her like. I think that that could bring them together to have a conversation and to understand a little bit of Like again, the intentions, it might not have been right, but the intentions I don't think were on both sides. To me, it sounds like the intentions were not bad intentions.
I'm shooting this one over to you because you have had a friend breakup that was hard that you then reconciled they and then you reached out to her right because she said basically, I feel like she owes me an apology. So and that person wasn't going to give you an apology because they didn't think they did anything wrong.
That was gonna be mine.
But the relationship was really important to you. So to help someone that has had a falling out with a friend that wants to but probably knows they're not going to get the apology, how do you do it?
Yeah, that's been a really hard one for me. I have felt in the past like I've kind of always been the with my family a lot with other things, like I'm always on the hose to say sorry. I'm always on why can't someone else say sorry? But with that friendship breakup, which has been reconciled, I was like that for a while, like I need an apology, and I was finally was like, if I want this friendship, the only way is that I go to her and
I apologize because she's not going to do it. And I can be mad about that, I can be whatever, but at this point, it's my choice to either save this friendship or not save this.
Friendship because it was going to go one where the eye.
It was going to go one way or the other. And I've had a friendship go the other and I'm not coming back and saying I'm sorry because that one both Yeah, that one, like you know, so, I'm not saying that one friendship was more important over the other, but at the same time, Sometimes you do have to look at friendships and go, okay, is it worth just going? All right, I'm hurt, but I'm going to come to you and apologize anyway. I apologize for my part in it.
But this is what hurt me, and that's what I did with my friend. We sat down, we did that. She got to say what hurt her, the reason she wasn't in a place to come to me and apologize, and I just you know, even in that conversation, did I feel one hundred percent did I feel like she really kind of owned up to her part. No? I didn't, But I decided that I was going to put that aside for our friendship to be able to move forward.
So I guess to our dearest listener, oh, is that friendship worth worth?
Yeah?
You know, doing and putting aside your probably not going to get an apology.
I also to say, real time apologies.
We have and I had probably four to six months.
Maybe my best friend and I broke up for five years, five years and she's the love of my life, but she was going through a divorce and it was just a trickier headspace for her that I had a breath blowout where she thought I said something. I apologize and I remember I just said I will not fight with you. I love you too much. I won't And five years
later we both came back together. We have been in separable since so I and sometimes it's like you just need a breather and you just and she's going going through a divorce is hard, hard, and so well.
And I think you can get and I'm learning this because I'm the worst at this. I think you can get so stuck in the weeds and the details that like, you're not going to be You're not gonna you think you're right. I think I'm right. Us discussing every little detail is going to get us nowhere, and then you just have to go. You just got to throw it up and say if it's worth it, like say your piece. I think you have to say I was her and you know whatever. But sometimes you're not going to get
in with a specific situation. She's gonna think she's right, you're gonna think you're right, and you're just gonna have to go. You know what, That's okay, I love you too much, Like you said, we're just not going to fight about it. Let's move on.
Yeah, and if it really matters to you, you're gonna have to be the person that yeah, and sometimes that's hard. Oh yeah, to be that person.
Oh yeah, yeah.
And I you know, yeah, our little friend breakup that we had with someone else, I haven't I'm okay not reaching out.
Well, I feel like we both did well. We tried, yeah, and so that's why I think I feel okay.
And then she tried to not see me in Pottery Barn even though I saw her, and then she avoided me. I was like, no, that's what friend would do that, Like, no real friend would purposely avoid Like what.
That's what I'm saying. I think that we feel okay about it because we did try. Yeah, we didn't just I was like, let's talk to me when you're ready. I would love to have a conversation. And it was done their choice, so what you know, at that point, it wasn't important enough to then yep, right to then. And then that's when I think you have to go. And maybe if you do go to this friend and she doesn't want to talk or she doesn't want it
might not be important to her. Now she's obviously going through a lot whatever, she may not want to but I have had a friend.
That a separate friend that we went through something similar and we never got back together. Yeah, and it was twenty fifty. Yeah, it was like twenty years And honestly, it's weird to say it now. I'm what a gift because who I had to be to participate in that friendship was not did not fit anymore.
Yeah, so so true. I remember I had a friend breakup with someone. We were on a show together, and we had a friend breakup. We got back together for dinner when I was in San Francisco playing a show, and I thought maybe we would then be friends because we were friends for so many years. But it was realizing that the girl that I was in that I was so controlled by her, and so then I was like, wait a minute, I actually am okay having peace within our breakup and then going separate ways.
That's right.
So you start to I just.
Don't that if this doesn't reconcile, that the world is over, because I know that is mourning the loss of someone still alive. It's got to be one of the hardest things to do. Human friendship breakups are not easy.
Hard. Yeah, that's like a whole other episode, right, yeah, trying to work through that. But I hope it all works out. If it really yes, if it really is important to you, reach out at least so you know that you tried and you know it's important to you. Okay, ladies, I got to go to Kentucky, so