Wind Down with jam and Kramer and Michael Coffin and I'm her radio podcast.
I have so much to say because I have not caught up with Sarah since the Wine Down tour stuff. We were in Chicago and Michigan and and Louisville. So the bus rolls in. About what time do we get in that too, like.
Two in the morning. Yeah.
I didn't even see you, Sarah when you left. Yeah, yeah, because your flight ended up changing. There was drama, you guys. Okay, so there was. We were living on the bus for four days something like that, and there was so much crap in the back seat or the back part of the lounge that things were just like being thrown into bags. So the next morning, so tired, Jolie has school, so I just kind of like blindly put my clothes on, grab my bag. I'm in the car driving to her preschool.
I walk in and I look in my bag. I've got the bottle of bullet in in my purse. So, for those who don't know bullet is, it's all my drinks. And I mean it's an opened bottle of bullet like half drank. And I'm like, if anyone stops for me, right now, who opens my bag? Like mom of the year, Like I walked into her preschool with an open bottle of bullet Mom of the year, That is like what it wud been so great? I would have gotten pulled over. I didn't like officer. I swear I don't drink bullet,
Like I know what this looks like. Wait, I'm well aware that is how did he who knows people? We just were like putting things in.
Oh it was a night.
But I'm just like if you I was just in my head, I'm like, how would I explain this to a like the principal preschool.
Lady and then a I guess all of a sudden joys school. Now it randomly does backcheck.
What if I would have fallen and like a bullet like women everywhere, I would if someone grabbed my back, I don't know, like you just start thinking, or what if I opened it and be like, oh, Julie, here's your water bottle. Then Miss Tina sees the other bottle in there, I'm just like, wow, mortified.
Mike's just happy his bullet made at home.
Yeah, absolutely, Hey guys, Hey, hey I'm not hungover anymore.
Oh that was speaking of hungover.
Though.
We had a little issue because I told Mike what time we were leaving your wedding at Sarah on the tour bus.
So she already booked their flights. Mark was looking at me like, what the wedding already happened?
No, no, no, the wedding obviously is in February. But I booked the flights and I didn't pook the first flight out like I'm usually the first flight out, because I want to be back home with the kids.
Mike shaking it.
So I booked a ten o'clock fly, which is like, you know, just enough time to wake up, Yes, just enough time, honey, what time would you like to leave the wedding at or leave the hotel at.
Six pm that night? Last flight? I'm I'm more of a like last flight out kind of guy. After especially a wedding like this, I'm already telling you. I've been giving you months ahead of time, like when we knew what when Sarah's getting married, And I was like, I'm going to be in rare form. You're probably gonna have to put me to bed. I don't know what's gonna happen, so let's not take the first flight out.
No, we were.
I'm like, Jenna is for sure, Mike's gonna be a couple of bullets and maybe some champagne. Genna's just gonna get on a red eye that night and leave you. You're gonna wake up in the hotel room alone.
Fine, fine, totally fine, it's gonna.
I just let him open by the way his first we like to. I have a really hard time keeping presence for Mike, and so I got one of those Have you ever seen those curate drink works? Yeah, yeah, they're amazing you. Actually, it's like what if you walked around with the pod. It's like basically like a cureg pod. It's made by Care two, but it has like a margarita or a mohido or as. It's so cool. So it'll just be you like with this mug with your
carry on. It's just like sep well because like you don't know, but.
Like most people's hangover start kicking in around ten eleven, right, so.
Ely, I will still be drunks. A might not let me throw it.
Oh, you're literally gonna be.
You were in charge then of changing the tickets if you want, I know, can we meet in the middle six is too late, because then we couldn't put.
The well, checkout times got to happen at some point eleven or twelve.
Exactly, Yes, great point.
Mark, thank you, thank you.
What about like kicking me out too?
He's going to be he's gonna be like the what's it called the the maids are going to knock on the door and just enter them and might have you passed.
Out and naked on the bed like alone.
They're going to be like, what alone? And afraid.
Jana's gone? Are you texting me that she landed back home and is with the kids?
What are you.
Asking for for Christmas?
Sarah?
Since this is our last Christmas?
What am I asking for for Christmas?
Mike got you two things that just got delivered today.
What?
Yeah, it's little, it's little.
It's just something I saw and I could.
Not what What's she's talking about? How kind of a soul? What a gent?
And I was like you what?
No?
I mean I know she was like, did you get my presence yet?
I don't want anything?
I know you actually probably don't want anything.
I don't know.
I haven't I've been like a little busy normally. You know, I have my list a month ago, But I don't. I just something I really like as presents. I like shoes as present. And I know that sounds like, oh, she likes shoes, But I just feel like there's a lot of memory because like I have, you know, I have shoes from ten years ago that I still wear, you know, and you do too, and we wear them to the death, and I just think it's a nice momentum.
I lose jewelry, I lose, you know, I lose a lot you have.
Wait, so you do you guys tie shoes and memory together? Just like like no, I'm saying no, not tie tie like put together shoes. You're like when you go to put on a pair of shoes, like, oh I remember, I.
Do really well.
But no, not like you know, a nice pair I get.
I have a nice pair that I remember, you know, like oh I got these for my birthday, Ty got me these for Valentine's Day. Yeah, not like my Nikes, not my kicks.
But well, it's just interesting because I wonder if that's going to change for because now that we have kids, people are asking and we're not even really doing presents in our family anymore. Because it's like, I don't want. I don't need anything. I don't want anything like I have my kids, and I think that's and I never understood that when when my parents would say that when we were kids, I was like.
What do you mean?
You don't want something? And now I'm just like, I don't want anything. I just I just want my I want my family, and I want to have a great dinner and some quality time and maybe watch a movie on Christmas night. And I want them to be happy. I want to see them.
Yeah, honestly write that down. But I feel like you weren't.
Like because I told you. I was like, I don't, I really don't. I asked for a necklace about mommy necklace, but Lola and James uh turning it to me. So I was just like anything, I feel like it's.
Just sentimental things. I like sentimental things, and that.
A picture with the kids, A handwritten letter that is like.
Golden to Mike, A hand written letter.
Maybe oh yeah, which comes to another great topic.
Uh.
We need to tease the guests though, because I'm really excited about the guest. Dean McDermott is coming in. He's married to Tory Spelling and they have a very interesting past, public, public past, and they were one of the couples that I, having away always looked up to in a weird way because of their ability to own it in such a public way. And I just have a lot of respect for that. So he's going to be a guest on
our show today and I'm super excited about that. I'm excited to stay tuned for that.
But hold, let me ask you about the presents real quick. So I feel like women will say that, right, I really don't want anything. I want that if a guy actually said, all right.
Oh you're dead cool.
No no, no, no time out, time out, time out, if you didn't do anything, I actually would be kind of bummed. But the one thing that I would want is because I would want at least that sentimental gift. It's the time in which you maybe drew Jolie's hand and you guys wrote me like, that's the stuff that the sentiment. It's the sentimental stuff that like that. It could be you know, a simple.
Okay by a question answer okay.
So I don't need the shoes. I don't need because it's like, yeah, I'm good, honestly, but I still would like something special. I guess Okay, so there you go. It's not that I don't want anything.
I want.
I would love something special that but I knew that didn't take a lot of It is not a lot of money, but it took some thoughts.
Okay, So no, no, I was just gonna say on the flip side, because you know, if you say I don't want anything, no you do and or not you but I mean me, I want something.
But is there No, it's because you don't have kids. Yeah, I promise you it'll change you. I truly will. You'll have everything.
Okay, but is there something special about Like let's say you.
Say Mike, I don't want anything.
I don't want anything, and he gives you a handwritten letter from Jolie and you think that's your present, but then all of.
A sudden he got you.
A new no like Gucci purse or something that that you weren't expecting, you didn't want, and it was just like, wow, I didn't even you know that.
Every once in a while, Sure that'd be so cool. Sure I think it'd be a pleasant surprise. And I think anyone would kind of want to feel special.
I could honestly say, like if Jane and I were like, I don't believe you if if if we agreed and we said, hey, we're not we're just gonna save money because we go we tend to go a little overboard with each other because we're both just very generous.
Last year we said a four hundred dollars budget for each other.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we went past that. So anyways, so really I didn't. Okay, regardless, I could honestly be like, all right, if we agree, hey, we're not gonna spend any money on each other at all and not do anything, I'll be okay, cool, No, we do. But I still feel like, come Christmas morning, if you didn't open something, you kind of be like, oh.
So, then why do we say because I don't. I don't think that when you said I just want to redo your car, that you would be bummed if you didn't open something.
I would not. That's the difference between men and women. I all I want. I've told Jana this, but Janet doesn't like this because he does get anything out of it. All I wanted to do was finally do some things to my to my truck that have been wanting to do for a long.
Time, which, by the way, he goes I want to lift it, but don't worry. You won't notice it. And I was like, don't You're gonna spend money on something no.
One will even know, Just like, wait, you guys go get your hair done. Do we always notice? No, but you spend money on it.
Boom.
I'm just saying. So the whole thing is I mean that when I say, honey, all I want to do is stuff in my truck, Like, don't spend another dime on me. No part of me would be upset Christmas morning because I believe you and God bless my wife. She's always trying to like give me things. But every year, for like the last five years of a relationship, she tries to get me to wear sweaters. She wants me to be a sweaterwear.
So bad, to be a sweater guy so badly.
And I'm finally I'm to the point where I'm like, honey, and the best thing was, I think it was last year or two years ago she got me a ring. And for the first few years of our marriage, Jara, it's a beautiful Janna has tried to make me like a ring accessory wear. I'm not. I wear my running band.
That's it ring from the black one that I got.
Right, but I usually will replace that with my wedding band if I wear it. So finally, last year or the year before, Jana went above and beyond got me like a Cardier Men's love ring.
She wants him to be a sweater wearing Cardier love it.
Yeah. Yes, And so I had had this discussion, like with my close buddy in La Garrett, and I was like, look, man, I know this is like a fifteen hundred dollars ring or whatever it is. I'm not gonna wear it, but I'm gonna feel like I have to, but I don't want to. So what I finally manned up and had a conversation with Jana and being like, man, I love you so much, I'm not gonna wear this.
Do you know that Garrett prepped me for that?
Did he He did? Smart?
Man?
Yeah, he prepped me.
So that's the thing. We see that like we mean it. And so finally I'm like Ganna in my head, I'm like, I don't want another sweater. I want another cardigan or ring. This is what I want. You asked me what I want for Christmas? This is what I want. What Janna wants to do what do you want?
She's like, what do you want for Christmas? And then she's like, I don't like that.
That's not the that's not gonna work for me. This is what I want to buy you.
But guys are the opposite.
It's like, this is what I want for Christmas and then done for me exactly.
But it's just like nothing. You don't want to open anything.
I don't care.
Okay, Well get him a gag gift.
You know those are always fun.
Well, I mean I got a few things, but I just I just want you to I don't believe you. But maybe that's because I I know that maybe I don't believe myself when I say that.
For here here's the catch. Here's the catch too, right, I tell Jane what I want. We discussed o budget and now we just discussed it again the other night and she cut it down by a little bit amount. I'm like, wait, no, we discussed this amount. She's like, oh, oh, you're actually gonna okay. I'm like, just because you've bought me some things even though I told you not to, you can't take that off of my budget of what I want for Christmas.
And you get him presents from the kids, Like maybe that counts as the present.
Yeah, I've got him. Jayce got him something and Jolie got him something, so be there. I yeah, no, I and then yeah, I got him like a few other things. But I did ask him the other day. I was like, are you sure you don't want to wear a sweater? Because I found a really nice one. Oh sure, She's like it's rag and bone. It was. I just was like, I love him in a sweater. I think he looks so handsome in a sweater, Like I just it's my favorite look of his, just so handsome.
See that's another difference with guys. He just doesn't care. Tis like I really love you in this. I'm like, here, I am five days in a row. But I tell a guy you like him in a sweater and he'd rather die than wear a sweater.
So interesting how that works.
It's so it's so funny. He's like, oh, like you and hats am I wearing a hat almost every single day though.
That for years?
I know, But it's so funny. How like, but if we tell you you don't care, but a girl would be like, we will wear that every single day, Like Sarah just said.
Yeah, well, just get each other present because I feel like it's just the you know, it's the holidays and it's nice to sit around with your family and just open presence and the kit. You know, Julie probably likes to see you guys open.
It's fun and you know, again.
I think it's just the meaningful and I think when you do have kids too, especially with our like family and moms and brothers, we don't want we don't want anything. It's stuff for the kids, for the kids. Yea thing like please don't exactly.
Well, you know, it's a great gift you mentioned before.
The Drink Works Home bar by curric mag Grats is great too, honestly, but we have a Drink Works Home bar by here in the studio.
I'm looking at it and I'm liking it, and we have some pods.
Sarah, you are going to be in.
Our barroom, in our barroom, a little great thing because it's right there on the it's right there on the shelf.
It doesn't take up a lot of space.
It fits right in and it's beautiful.
I mean, it's it honestly, is is so incredibly easy. Okay, So Sarah, you've got the pod right there. So Mark, why don't you guys make a little cocktail right now? For Sarah? Which one are you thing?
Sarah? Well? Motion should I do?
Should I go with a little ginger snap white Russian? Or a little pised punch?
I mean, what time is it?
Do you carewer spritzer?
And I would love a pomegranate elderflower sprats?
There it is, Consider it done. You're gonna hear it humming in just a moment here.
Let you guys have you guys have a cure for coffee, but now you have a cure for cocktails. And you just press a button and it's like bam. It's so awesome. They're great for parties. We actually just use it the other day for our game night.
What did you do?
Who's the bartender in your family? Or did you put it on self serve mode?
Oh? Self serve mode?
Yeah, the bartender, Mike, he's gone strong.
I usually just pour the wine.
Yeah, I gotta I got a heavy hand. So this is this is more for people. I Mike, look, you have some more options here. Have at it. It's all you.
You don't worry about a heavy hand anymore. This thing makes it perfect every time, every time, and they are delicious.
There's it's so good. Honestly, it's the best gift for a dad. I mean, Sarah, yes, and he loves to mix up for drinks. The market one's so good.
You know.
The thing that's amazing it So I don't drink, so I don't know how to make any drinks. But now I can have people over and like guys and be like, oh, I'll make you a margarita, which I have no idea what's even in a margarita? But now I can totally do it and be like, excuse me, can I make you a Winter mule?
I'll take it, no, one thousand percent. It's it's it's same for me because I'm like, I don't all I do is drink wine. So with the you know, the drink works, I can just be like they're like, oh wow, Jane, I really stepped up your game. I'm like, nah, took two seconds.
Yeah.
It's so easy, and I feel like it gives us crib especially with dudes. Like a girl gets this and then she can just look like a hero to all the guides.
Her dad's gotta be.
Your cosmos for your girlfriends. Anything else for guys want to get.
There's a variety of drink Works pod collections. They include classic and specialty cocktail offerings and signature of mixers. And I love them so much and I've also posted about them too on my Instagram. That's how much I love them. And now obviously we're bringing it here to the podcast and we're going to give you guys an awesome code, so exclusive savings here plus free shipping. Go to drinkworks dot com use my code gift one hundred, that's gift
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store or sleep number dot Com slash Jana. That's sleep number dot com slash Jana hijine, Hey Hawaiia, Hi, thank you. I'm so flaccd. Actually I like doing this.
He too. I'm sorry for being so difficult to track down.
My goodness. No, you're a busy man, and you've got a busy life, and you've got a bunch of kids. So we totally totally get.
It all on the kids.
Oh, I can't wait to do that when you have six?
What are the ages? Everyone just took a real big like.
That's amazing.
Yeah, it's it's it's amazing. No, I'm kidding, it is amazing.
Did she want more kids or was it something you guys mutually agreed on or is it just kind of like, oh, hey, we're pregnant again.
We didn't. We didn't plan any of it.
We didn't.
We didn't. Yeah, the first one we had, we had Liam, and then fifteen months later we had Stella, and then there was like a four year break, and then we had Hattie, and then ten months later we had Finn. So we have Irish twins.
Wow.
Oh wow, and another four year break and then we had bo Wow. Yeah. And I thought I thought after Finn we were we were done. I just turned fifty. You know, Tory was in her forties, early forties, so we just thought everything was kind of taking its natural course and not working anymore.
Nope, surprise, surprise.
Yeah. So being having a having a two and a half year old at fifty three, that's a party.
So how old's oldest?
My oldest is twenty one for my first marriage, got it, Jack is twenty one, and then my oldest with Tori is twelve, so it goes twelve, eleven, eight, seven and two and a half.
Wow.
Yeah, in it, just.
In the fin in it.
Yeah, we are looking at a hero.
Modern that. I'll take that. I've never heard that.
Wow, I've never heard that.
So we're just going to jump right into it. So we we got you on the show because I can't remember. I was just going through my Twitter like a month or so ago, and it had a headline from US Weekly and it was like, Dean McDermott offers advice to you know, Janna and her husband. And I was like, oh, I was like, this is interesting. I'm gonna click on this. And I immediately texted our producer Amy and I was just like, we have to get him on the show.
I know he has zero clue who we are, but obviously and I knew that too when you had the interview, I was like, Oh, poor guys. I don't know these freaking people are they?
When they asked me, I honestly I didn't. I didn't know, so I apologize don't know.
Zeroze no, no, zero zero, But I feel.
Like that's nothing.
I hope it was sound advice.
No, it was good. And I think what you said basically is, you know, because our stuff has been so public as well, and you know with you guys, is you guys were kind of the the beginning of that. I mean, when you guys shared all of your marriage struggles, I feel like the people weren't ready for it yet. And I think that's what you had said in your interview too, Whereas it was just kind of WHOA, You're sharing all this information?
Yeah, sharing it through through true Tory sharing it and you know, sort of solving our problems in the town square. Yeah,
that was. That was It's really interesting looking back at it because in the middle of it, the great thing about it was it really sort of expedited us getting into therapy and getting help and starting to talk about this because you know, I've seen people go through this before and they don't talk to each other and they automatically just end things and it takes a really hard it's really really hard to get them back together to
even start to talk to each other. So doing the show really really got us together and got us talking right away, which was great. But you know, looking at it now, sort of solving your problems in the town square, there's a price.
To it, you know, of course, well everyone can chime in.
Everyone and and and you know, we were doing it with the you know, with with the thought of you know, getting through it ourselves but also helping others. And and but with that, we weren't thinking comes all the backlash
and the haters and all the naysayers. We just you know, we were really positive about it, considering you know, how negative what what I did was, you know, so it's it was a really it was a slippery slope, and once in a while we'll get stopped by people who say, thank you very much for doing that, and and that really helps. That makes it kind of worth, yea worth going through all that stuff. But you're really, you're really I felt like I was in one of those stockades in the middle of town.
I cannot I say to them all the time.
People could throw tomatoes at me and tell me what they thought of me, and you know, it really messed with me. But you know, we we did it, and and the great thing is is we worked it out or together and things are stronger and better than ever.
I mean that sounds so identical and parallel and familiar for us, all of that. And what was because I feel like Dean, for you and I who they're the ones who are the perpetrators and kind of did you know the deed that kind of caused everything? What was the moment that you and Tory decided Okay, let's address this publicly and not keep it in house, because I feel like that's the natural thing, right, especially for me.
I felt so much shame at the beginning. I just wanted to be like, no, I don't want to talk to anybody about it. Let's just keep it between us and deal with it. So what kind of encouraged you to come around and be like you know what, Tory, let's you know, dressed this head on, like you said in the town Square.
Right, Well, you know, we didn't have a choice in it, you know, coming out you know, US US magazine broke this story. You know, a friend of mine, I was set up, like my friends sold the story. La la la, a friend, a friend of twenty two years.
That's just my cars was my he was our wedding. So yeah, we hear you on that. And it sucks, right.
Wow, Yeah, you know you and I we shouldn't have been doing what we were doing, but it didn't need to play out that way, you know, and our story broke Christmas Eve.
Oh, I just got so again.
You know it's all my fault, but you know, but it's done. So you know, we it was out there and everybody had their opinion on it, and everybody had something to say about it, and you know, we got to a point where you know, it was just it was out of control. You know, the headlines, you know how they make them up, right, so you know this, I'd been doing this for years and I was you know, I wanted out of the marriage because I wasn't getting any money from the family. Blah blah blah. All this
BS right. So we sat down and said, look, you know what, everybody's got their opinion, so let's take this opportunity to tell the truth. And so that's why we came up with the idea and we were approached to do true Tory. But even before that, you know, we issued statements. But yeah, we just sat down and said, enough of this. This is a circus, this is a sideshow. There's so many things that are wrong that people are saying, let's go public and let's tell our truth. And that's
what we did. And then then the show kicked in and we got, you know, the opportunity to go even farther with it.
I feel like, too, it's such a for your kids as well. So that way they can see because they're going to read about it, they would been able to google it, and this way it's there, you're able to say like, hey, this is what we've done, and this
is how we've been able to make it work. And I feel like in a way, I know you kind of dread that moment that the kids find out, but at the same time, hopefully it's years down there, and you're like, look but look at of how strong we are now, and look what we've done, and look who we've helped along the way.
I don't know, yeah, and I feel like i'd just be like living another lie where you have to like manage everyone around you, trying to make sure they don't find out information and all that stuff. So it's like, if it's out there, it is what it is.
Yeah, And I think, you know, once they start asking, I think you have to kind of sort of nip it in the bud for lack of a better word, and tell them exactly what happened, because you know they're going to read twenty different variations.
Of well and then they go to school and other kids talk, and it's just I can't.
It for you that was was not missing. I don't want to say I don't want to be insensitive to like that, but you know, I know, like, okay, same with Michael, like he's been unfaithful in every relationship he's ever had. I know you had you chew on your first wife, and then with this is did you see an addictive pattern or was it just something where something in yourself that you felt was missing.
I didn't see it as an addictive pattern. My first marriage lasted for twelve years, and you know it, it started to break down a long time ago, but you know, I stayed with it because that's what I thought, you know, that was that was it, that's the that's the best it gets.
You know.
We had our son, Jack, who's amazing, and I just thought, okay, well, you know, you have a kid, and and this is what marriage is at a certain point, you know, like.
You know, I.
I I hesitated to say it was loveless because I really cared for and I still do. She's a she's a great woman. But it just, you know, that that spark, that fire just wasn't there. And I thought, you know, this is this is as good as it happened, this is this is life. And then I met Torri when we were working together in Ottawa, and I'd never felt anything like that in my life. I'd never felt that connection. From the moment we met, it was just you know, fireworks,
and I I just couldn't I couldn't resist. I couldn't resist, but I also couldn't lie to myself anymore, Like I kept distracting my things with distracting myself with different things, you know, sports and golf and all these kind of things, distracting myself from my first relationship to not face my unhappiness. So once I met Torri, you know, we worked together for three and a half weeks, and at the end of the three and a half weeks, I'm like, I can't walk away from this. I can't like this is
you know, you have a decision to make. You know, you really really do you really have to grow a pair and you know, do the right thing and get out of your first marriage, because it's it's not fair to her, it's not fair to Jack, and it's not fair to me. I wasn't being honest with myself. I met someone that I instantly fell in love with and felt something I've never felt before my life. So that's it was like I have to I have to man up and I have to do the right thing. And then,
you know, so we dissolved the marriage. But it was it was more out of a connection and love for each other that we got together. It wasn't a cheating, addictive pattern.
What about when you were married with Tori. Though when that episode was that just like an episode.
That episode was about a combination of things. I suffer from depression. I have clinical depression, and I can as great as things can look on the outside, and how happy and great my life looks on the outside. I calmed a little. The angry little dwarf in my head really beats the crap out of me. And I even though you know, I was on I was hosting Chop Canada, I had a cookbook coming out, like I was on
fire in the Food Network. I was incredibly unhappy and hated myself and I started drinking and started using drugs again and I needed to fill a hole and it and it's really bizarre how it happened, like that's the last thing I was looking for. I was. I was just happy to just drink and party. I wasn't looking for any kind of a hookup or anything like that
at all. It was it was the farthest thing from my mind, and it just it just happened so easily and just kind of out of the blue and laisse fair and I went with it obviously without thinking, and you know, was looking to fill this void and it didn't fill the void. It created a chasm. You know, I created the Grand Canyon with with doing what I did. But you know, at the end of the day, going through everything we've gone through, I'm amazed at the resolve
of my wife Tori. I thought for sure it was done. I thought it was done. I just thought, why on earth would you want to be with me? And it's you know, it's it's funny, it's it's something that I've maintained before this happened. As well as I was. I was surprised that, you know, Tory Spelling was interested in me. I'm like, why we're married, we have kids?
Like you?
I don't get it. Why me? Yeah, I still I I didn't have that. I devalued myself. I didn't think that highly of myself. I thought, I mean, I'm the luckiest guy in the world, but not it's not worth not worth worthy of this. And so when the affair happened, I thought, it's it's done, it's over. It's she's gonna walk away, and rightfully so. And and I you know, I maintained that through you. If you see, if you watch the show, I'll be like, why why are you
still doing this? Why are you with me? I you know, I did something absolutely horrible to you, and she's she made.
Almost like you feel like you didn't deserve it too. You know, It's like it's like you didn't feel like you deserved it, so you just sabotage, sabotaged it. Yeah, sabotaged it.
I'm sabotage. I'm really great at it. I've I've done it. I mean, look at this armful of tattoos that I absolutely love. But as an actor, good idea? Anybody anybody gonna take on this?
Yeah, the greatest, but it's I mean, it looks really nice. Where a lot of people that I talked to, one of their biggest things is like how, And I know this is something we've struggled with too, is how for when when when me and Tory or we get upset and triggered. What has helped you have empathy and stay grounded and not go defensive? Because I feel like that's been sort of an issue with us and a lot of other women ask Michael that too, like what do
you what do you do? What are your tips and and tricks for when that moment arises and you need to be empathetic for maybe her feelings, but you're you know, you feel shame, and you feel guilt and anger and what you might feel.
Well, right out of the gate, you said something great that you have to be empathetic to her, and absolutely, you know that's that's a must. You know, when when when she gets triggered. And I've been very, very fortunate that Tori is so even keeled and so smart that she's able to sort of think her way through these things and look at the big picture. Very seldom has she been triggered. But when she does get triggered, you know, obviously your first your first instinct is to go in
the defensive. It's it's human nature. And I think you have to as the man, as the perpetrator, you have to sit back and go, okay, wait a second. You gotta this is part of the process. You know, it's it's going to go on for the rest of my life, our life together, So you know, you better get good at looking pausing, looking at the big picture, just going okay, you know what, I gotta take my lumps, and you know,
I can't be so defensive. I've really got to have an open mind here and really put myself in her shoes, because once, once you get on the defensive, you just kind of shut down and you can't see, you know, the other person's point of view or their feelings. So you just gotta shut the f up. Listen, be empathetic, sympathetic, and just just love her, and you know what, just be thankful that she's still in your life, because it's
so easily could have gone the other way. You know, you could be you could be sitting in an apartment rented apartment by yourself.
That's you know, that's funny you say that and everything, Like I just feel like I'm watching myself talk about these kind of things being just in the similarities of everything and that even just that last thing you said, I almost have that uh sabotage mindset of I'll be driving around Just the other day I was doing I was driving around, and the part town I was in, I saw some like you know, single bedroom apartments or little houses, and I had this like anxiety of like,
that's where i'd probably be right now if you know, things didn't work out the way they did, if Jana wasn't strong enough to take me back, like how and just like you said, how do I get this amazing, beautiful woman, and it is just that self sabotage and not good enough and everything like that. But it's again that last thing you said, I literally I think about
that more than I definitely should. And that is healthy too, where it's like that's where i'd probably be living right now, That's where i'd probably be living, even though I know I'd find a way to be successful, But still that part of me is I, I really did everything I could to ruin this relationship, in this family. Why do I deserve to still be here? Why am I not
there in that one bedom apartment. It's just it's tough, and I think that's one of those things, just like you talked about with the triggers with them, is that shame there's gonna be part of it, at least for me right now, because I mean we're only three and a half years post discovery of everything, but I feel like a part of that shame is still gonna be there for a long time where it's like a part of me is still maybe try to convince myself I'm
undeserving or whatever it may be. And it's just that fleeting moment for a second on a day. It doesn't overtake me. It doesn't all day. It's just that fleeting second that you still feel that kind of humbles you and grounds you enough to scare the out of you of where things could be.
Yeah, hang on to that, Yeah, hang on to that because it's it's a good reminder. I think that, you know, this is where things could have gone. And it's interesting you said you have these these moments of of of the feeling, the shame and stuff and all have that moment when somebody just looks at me funny, and it's usually usually a female. If they kind of look at me funny, I'm like, oh, she knows and she hates me.
She's yeah, yeah, you know.
And I've seen it where you know, Mr Tory and I are out and they're like, oh, sorry, you're amazing, we love you, and dah da dada, and then look at me and completely ignore me. And I was like, oh, they know and they hate me because I did what I did, you know. And then so it's really but at the same time though, it's it's great to have those moments because it is it's like, yeah, you know what, you you really messed up, You really messed up and
like I said, this is this is gonna happen. I'm gonna have these feelings and we're gonna have to work this out for the rest of our life together.
And when you say rest of your life, and I know people have asked us too, it's like when like, stop bringing it up, stop talking about it, and it's like, I don't, I'm not, I don't want to bring it. It's just unfortunately, it's just something that's gonna live there forever.
And now the magnitude of it isn't as big as it was back in the day, but like through all of our therapy that you know, I do personally and he does, and we do together, but it is gonna Unfortunately, I think Jason said that too when he was a guest Inner Shadows.
Is that the book worthy of a true.
Worthy of a trust where it's like it is going to be there forever. And that's something that I think you've had a harder time too. And it's like because I'm like, I don't, I wouldn't. I don't want it to be there, and we try not to talk about Unfortunately, now our podcast is now about that, but you know, not about that but like about relationships and struggles and stuff.
But it's it's interesting and I almost feel not guilty, guilty, but I I don't want you to always have to feel shame when we do talk about it, no.
And like Dean saying, it's it's it's actually not even reflective of maybe how when you guys are triggered. It's more so kind of these other moments where Dean, I appreciate what you just said, because we just we do like we take this podcast on the road. We don't record podcasts, but we do like an evening with kind of show and it's me Janna and Sayah, they're sitting next to you, and we do live shows and Jana and I do like a meet and greet before the show.
And sometimes I have that feeling too, where I can tell I can just feel someone's energy. I'm like, maybe they don't want to stand next to me, not just because they're huge fans of Jenna, but maybe it's because I'm a sex addict. Maybe they have this weird misconceived notion and judgment of a sex act and they think there's some creep predator or whatever. I just go into that shame and that's where I start going. I go down that rabbit hole. I'm like, maybe that's why that
person didn't want to stand next to me. Maybe they are. Yeah, it just it's that shame that just still eats your soul a little bit. But I don't think it's to the point where it's unhealthy anymore. It's to the point, like you're saying, Dean, where it's like you hold onto a little bit of that to scary straight and that's okay.
Yeah, yeah, And that's and that's our cross to bear, you know, because we did what we did, and it's just like, you know, tough, tough crap boys. You you know you did this. You gotta you know, you got to carry this cross well.
And I definitely get what you guys are saying about the guys, But then I feel like it's kind of the same probably for Tory and Janne. Like you know, people may look at you guys and be like, oh, look what he did, But then they might look at Jane and Tory and be like, oh my god, I can't believe she stayed with him, or I can't believe
she's with you know. It's it's also both sides and it's probably not that it's not hard, but it's probably harder for you know, Janet to be there, especially in Tory in the beginning, you know, at the grocery store whatever, walking with.
You, and then people be like, what, like she's still with I don't know.
I feel like in the beginning that was there a lot And I don't know if that was the same for you. But you know, Tory would get you know, comments and and and then especially social media.
Oh of course, like what are you doing? You're so dumb?
And you know the internet magazines they have the comment section, and stay away from them, just stay away from any comment section. But yeah, I know Tory would would get a lot of flak for that, said, why would you stay with it? He's a pig? Da da da da, And you know that's that's something that you know, she had to work through and and her, like I said, her resolve was she was just she's so strong, she's she just maintains like, Look, I'm really upset and hurt
by what he did, but I love him. He's the love of my life. I can't turn that off, right, and we have a family together, you know, I can't walk away from that. So it's it's it's tough in the beginning, and now it's it's it's turned. It's it's totally turned. And now a lot of people are like, you know, so glad you guys stayed together. You're a great example. But you know, for it's funny, guys, we want to we want everything, We want to fix everything
right and then be done. It's like, okay, put you know, bundle this up in this need of the package.
It's done.
Okay, we don't have to talk about it anymore. But again, you know, we that that's not going to happen in that situation. And when I say, you know, you guys, you'll have to carry this for the the rest of your life, the same way that you'll carry your wedding vows that you had for each other for the rest of your life and those great moments, and it's like, here's a bad moment that affected our relationship as good as our vows were in our wedding day, was that
we'll remember for the rest of our lives. We're going to remember this for the rest of our lives too, this black mark, and it's just something that gets easier with time. But it'll never ever go away. I think, in my opinion, no.
I ever go away.
Yeah, I wish there was a magic wand but at the same time, I feel like it's made us stronger. But I for someone you say, I guess I'm scared moving on, Like marriage is only going to get harder with the kids were we could potentially a lot of people I don't see. I don't see a lot of people really growing together. I see what people growing apart. And I think that's always been kind of my fear is, oh, shoot,
I think I'm like pre menstrual. But no, cry no, but I I just like my fear is, you know, when they get in that situation or you know when hell, it could be me too. What if I'm on a movie set, you know, and I start to go into my love addict ways, or it's like, what's the thing that's going to stop you guys from maybe going down
that route again? And then it's like, hey, they're more like twenty years in and like, you know, it's like now then now what Now It's like our kids are even older and now we've got twenty years of marriage, and how could you then do it? I know, it's all the what if game that you hate playing? But I think that's what like lives within me because I'm like, what's going to stop you the next go around?
Right? Right?
Future tripping?
Yeah? Terrible? I know.
And then like that's something massive that I've worked on in therapy, but it's something that's like underground obviously, which is why it's coming out.
Is that is that all primarily from us? Or does it have to do with your parents divorcing as well when you were.
I think there's something that I can dive deeper in with the therapist, but I feel like it's a lot when I think about it. It's like, you know, even because they say once cheater, always a cheater, you know, And I know it's different for you know, unfortunately addicts. You know you today, you're healthy, Tomorrow we don't know. But I guess that's just my fear. Is you know, what's going to stop y'all from going down that road again when that's an easy exit, exit trip, right?
I think that's about gaining trust in him again?
Is it about boundaries or staying grounded too? Like for you guys to know kind of what you have and it's just maybe a rough patch that you might be in or if you're feeling bored in the relationship. I guess that's what I'm getting at, Like, what if you guys are like, I'm bored with this and I'm I don't, I'm not. I don't know if I feel in love anymore. So, but hey, here's something really shiny at a club or at a bar, or at a grocery store. How do you not go down aisle one.
Well, that's that's what's great about, you know, having those reminders of like, this could have gone a completely different way. So that's that's that's the great thing about having that
cross to bears, I did what I did. So you have to always keep that in the forefront because it's like, yeah, Okay, if I'm getting bored or I think the relationship of stale and I see this shiny thing in the club, whoa, I know that shiny thing in the club is going to cost me my marriage and my family because I've been there before. So that's the great thing about having
this this sort of a reminder. And you know, if if you are feeling you know, bored, and you're even thinking on, hey, you know what I'm feeling attracted to other women. Talk about it, talk about it. You know, I'm bored, you know, I'm tired of our sex life. Talk about it. That's the best thing you can do.
Not maybe to your wife, but to somebody else.
I don't know if I want well, I don't know, I mean, you know, or maybe have a sex life.
If you said, like I'm I'm I'm attracted to other people, to tory or.
I'm feeling that, it's just like you know, but maybe that's that's that's the wrong Wow, that's the wrong word. I'm attracted other people.
Or just.
I know, I know, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just feeling feeling like something's missing that and you know what, you know what that is. I think if we're feeling attracted to other people is because we're starting to hate on ourself. We're really you know, that angry dwarf is going off on our head again and digging us in a in a hole, telling us we're worthless pieces of crap. So we're we need we need to we need to feel attracted, so we're gonna start kind of putting it out there
to other people. It's like, oh, she's kind of cute, Maybe I'll flirt with her a little bit. I feel fill that little hole a little bit. If you make eye contact, you know it, talk about it, talk about it. It's the best thing, the best thing I think you can do. And that's the best thing that's works for.
Tory and I.
And as hard as it is, it's not easy to go, hey, you know what I'm feeling. Really, I'm feeling bored in the relationship, Like that's a tough conversation to have.
Have it.
I'd rather you have it than find it.
And then yeah, and it's all about.
For me too. I would say the same thing.
About delivery too. Sure, right, I can't be saying relationship right, you know what I mean? So I feel like a lot of times so people push it down until it comes out.
But roller coaster, I'm tired of this.
Yeah. By the way, so let's uh, before we let you go, Dean, let's transition out of that real quick. And you're doing stand up now, how has that helped you kind of kind of you know, manufacturer, What got you into that? What helped you manufacture that kind of uh, you know, entertainment and everything you want to do within that.
I've been a fan of comedy since I was nine or ten years old. My dad came home with an eight track. I don't know if you guys know what an eight track is, A lot younger than I am. So he came over with his eight track of Gene Tracy and Jean Tracy was an old truck stop comedian and he would tour all the truck stops in the South, and he was filthy. He was filthy, like I'd learned all about every sex physician and and he just made
every He just made people laugh. And so, you know, from then on there, I you know, I discovered Red Fox, and then Richard Pryor and Bob Newhart and Eddie Murphy and then Robin Williams, and I was like, okay, this is what I want to do. So when I got into acting at nineteen, my goal was to be a stand up but I didn't know why, Wow, can you swear on this?
Yeah?
Built built.
I didn't know my ass for my elbow, so I didn't have a point of view. You know, I was just a young and eve and I had this this again, the angry dwarf from my head telling me how what a horrible person I am. So I was like, I can't I can't get on stage, I can't tell jokes, I can't do anything. So I found it easier to play other people. So I got into acting and I had a really nice I have a really great career acting.
And then at fifty three, I went to see my buddy at a stand up club and I met Adam Hunter, who's my now my my comedy mentor, and he does a night every night Tuesdays at the Dime. And I told him my story and he's like, you got to get up. I'm like, I'm fifty three, man, you're going to do stand up now. He's like, no, you got to get up. You're not too old. You're never too old. Did you stand up? So he pestered me for like three months, So I said fine, and I wrote five
minutes and I got up. And I've been going at it ever since.
You killed that.
It's yeah, it's it's addictive. And I've been very fortunate. You know. I opened for my friend at Caroline's in New York. I've had some really great opportunities and I'm just plugging away at it and I love it. I you know, I wish I hadn't done it, you know, when I was younger, but you know, I didn't I didn't have the point of view. Now I have six kids and I've.
Been through a lot.
I have a lot of content that I'm just scratching the surface too. I mean, with being a celebrity couple and being in the magazine Oh.
My god, I can't imagine.
And so yeah, so there's there's a lot of stuff to mine. So I'm looking to turn our pot cast Daddy Issues into a talk show or or or a sitcom. But I plan on, you know, planning doing my stand up and continue acting and just plugging away, just you know, trying to try to make a living, you know.
And his Daddy Issues is it? Who else is on that podcast with you?
Daddy Issues is with Adam Hunter, my mentor, and Nicky Paris. So Nicky's a gay comedian and he's fabulous. So our our sort of through line is Daddy Issues. I'm Dean McDermott, I have six kids, Adam Hunter is a new dad, and Nicky needs.
A dad, so good. So, I mean, you have a lot going on and you're killing it.
That's awesome. American guys. We're glad that that's going well for you. Thank you.
Thank you. It's and talk about therapy. Oh my gosh, I just go up and I just tell everybody it's going on in my head and it's it's pretty funny.
Good for you, man, Well, thank you so much for coming out and talking with us and being so My.
Pleasure, my pleasure, and guys, keep it up, keep up to good work. Three and a half years out. That's it's awesome that you're still together. Right, it's awesome work.
No, thank you, Dane. You've been our beacon of hope. So thank you.
All the best.
Guys, appreciate it, my pleasure.
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That was good man. We could just get in a room with him and toy because I felt like he was just saying everything that we've said for the past year on this podcast, and it's just so refreshing to hear from someone else's mouth who's been through the same thing. It's just it's just kind of comforting a little bit.
And I love how he was just like, Yeah, it's going to be with us forever, and that's that's okay. There's no shame in that. And I love that he felt that he said that because it just made it be.
Like, okay, yeah, it was. It was great, man. That was awesome having Diana on, and we definitely got to get together with him and have dinner have some conversations because that was great. So I was thinking, before we we'll get to an email, but I'll think I want to touch on something that we talked about early in
the episode, and we're talking about sentimental sentimental guests. Because I'm sitting here through everything kind of in the back of my mind multitasking, and I'm like, well, okay, what if I get Jana something sentimental? But what if it's not I don't write enough. What if I don't put enough effort? And you try laughing because there's a little inside joke here that I caught onto because for Jana's birthday birthday, birthday, apparently I didn't write enough of my
own stuff within the card. I wrote a few lines. I'm one of those guys that kind of gives you a little underline the words that are being cool.
Underline It's underline the card words happy birthday, happies underlined, like underline the ones if the card says you are the most beautiful, and they keith underline what they wrote under.
Like, hey, homeworks said it right, I couldn't say better myself. Why am I going to reiterate? That's why I got the card because it said things that I feel and think, So why I say the same thing Otherwise I'll just get a blank card all the time. Just write it. Would you rather have that?
Okay?
So she would.
Yeah, So this is funny. And the reason he's bringing this up is because Sarah didn't write my birthday card yet. And I said, honestly, girl, just tell me what you want to say, because I know.
I was like, do you have a pen? I need to write your birthday card?
And she was like, oh my god, just honestly tell me, because you know I have like a thing with birthday.
I have a thing with cards in general.
I mean with cards, sorry, ot with cards.
For me personally.
You took me into another room her.
I don't want to upset Michael or like her.
She goes.
I just really hate when people don't, like, you know, write their feelings and mean it and write a lot. And I'm like, okay. So I go into the room and.
Mike's like, what are you guys doing? Oh well, I'm just writing in Jana's card. But I'm not gonna write I'm just gonna say what I would say. I'd probably write something long and heartfelt and tell her you know how much I love her, and how how special of the day this is, and how you know this day would mean nothing because it's her birthday and if I wasn't here with And He's like, Okay, I get you're saying.
I just wanted for some reason, I would. I've said this since I was probably in high school. I don't like I like cards that They're totally fine. The cards are made, especially Hallmark cards. I love them, but when I get them, I would rather have some I would rather like when I give someone a card, I write still like on the one side of it, like a real long you know, high school letter.
But dear Mike, dear Mike.
Comma. But if someone were to give me a card, I would rather than make the card and then write their own words, because that means more to me than just them giving me a Hallmark card and then saying happy birthday, love Mike.
But I never just say that, but you write.
Like one sentence, I will never.
Birthday, have an amazing day.
I will never ever get you a card with words in it ever again, every card will.
I love that, No, because then it's going to be blank blank because he's don't going to know what to write in it. Fine, that's funny, That's that's actually funny because that is a thing with me and tytoo.
So in the beginning, I love No.
I love cards like even since literally I love I keep all my cards. I have cards since high school, and I always write, you know, not intense things. But I'll go on for a little bit, and he really caught on and it made me happy.
You know, not all of them, because I'll keep the ones where he writes a lot, the other ones where he just says, yeah, I love you, happy birthday.
I'm like, you'll keep my notes that say have like a sentence on them.
But that's like what.
If he underlines happy right exactly?
You see how many underlines I had in that card. So for those who, uh who might ever give Jana a birthday card in the future, give her a card, put your blood sweat behind it on the back of it, tape a USB drive or to get USB drive with an entire thesis paper on how much you love her and how special she is.
I think like four sentences would be the appropriate for at least four.
I'm feeling bad because I texted her and it really wasn't nearly enough.
Now that I think back on my text, birthday.
Texts are totally fine. I'm saying in a card. For buying someone else's words, you should write more than you should write at least four sentences your own.
My hand, Ryan's going to become really big.
How do you sign your cards?
You know how I signed mine every time? How do I sign one the m How do I sign mine? Uh?
You slurp, unbelievable clearly the words your time?
Because she obviously doesn't remember these cards.
Forever yours, thank you.
Love Michael, Forever yours love Michael.
And every card love Michael.
Okay, every note, every card, forever yours, love Michael.
I do write I love that, I say I love you?
What what? What more could I say in any other words besides forever yours?
Oh? Thanks man saying what it's Janner right, dear Michael.
She scribbles scribbles out the world.
Do you do your signature like when you sign people's like shirts? Is that how you like sign your cards?
No?
I just do love wifey or jamma or slurp.
Meanwhile, I'm like forever yours yours.
You never mind ever, I'm ever, so.
We can get out of here.
Ashley, my husband and I are eighteen weeks pregnant. The past few days, my husband seemed distant and avoiding me. I sensed something was wrong, so I looked in his phone. No, I found no hold on. It's not where you think it's going. But it's not great either. I found a text exchange between him and his sister, in which he confided that he doesn't want this baby, that he never wanted this baby and resents me because I'm carrying the baby. He wrote how he doesn't know if he ever loved me,
that I pressured him into marriage and kids. He told his sister. He's unhappy and doesn't know if he wants to be with me. Oh, I was blindsided. We both agreed to start trying for a family and moving our life forward. I believe it's his fear talking since it's our first child. But how can I move past this? He doesn't know. I saw the text exchange, and I've tried addressing the topic without cornering him. But my heart is broken and my anxiety is through the roof. I
feel loft and numb. Any advice or prayers would be greatly appreciated.
Oh my gosh.
First of all, take a deep breath, baby, you're pregnant. That anxiety is not good. Oh, Mike, I have I don't have any words for this one. That's that's hard because I feel like when she says that it's her, it's it's his fear. But I don't know if I could ever forget those words if I saw that.
Well, and it takes two to tango. He knows what he was doing when he got your pregnant.
So and even if he felt forced, you still at the end of the day, and I can I can kind of relate to ours where it's like okay, I know sometimes you felt pressed to the fire, but at the same time, it was still a decision that you did make.
Two.
That's tough. But I don't know if I could forget those words if I saw that on your phone.
Yeah, that's uh.
Man, I would confront him.
You have, I definitely.
I don't know how she hasn't. I don't know how she do.
But come not at a good from a good place. That's my advice from a very from a very calm, calm collected. Hey, I'm so sorry. I I'll you a little distant, and I'm so sorry. I looked at your phone and I saw this message and I'm just having a really hard time processing this. I know this is your private space, and I'm sorry for I'm sorry for breaking that space and breaking that privacy. But now I don't know what to do with this, and I need, I need. Can we can we talk about this?
Or does she just give him the chance to tell her? Maybe I went through your phone.
So I would. I would just in my opinion, again, this is my opinion, Ashley, just because being a guy, and you'd have to really like Jana just explained dance very delicately around introducing the fact that you looked at this phone. So my just thought goes to try addressing it with him again from a standpoint of just ask him, hey, how are you feeling about all this? And just being like, you know, I'm scared.
Isn't that playing games?
Though?
Like you would get mad at me because I've done that.
I'm saying I went through your phone, and all he does is yell at her. Why are you going through my phone? I went through your phone.
It's not about playing games, It's not it's not about fishing it out, because I know when you're trying to fish something out of it.
How is that not fishing.
Because because it's still something that you want to have a conversation about.
What if it doesn't say anything, He's like, no, I'm good, I'm excited.
Then then you addressed it like you said.
Okay, because if not, then if all I'm.
Saying, yeah, no, no, don't keep going. All I'm saying is is started off with saying expressing your fear because you're this is your first child, You're gonna be a new mother, there's going to be fear attached. Be like, hey, I'm really anxious, I'm really fearful. Like, I don't you know, how are you feeling? And if he does played off he's like, oh, I'm good, We're gonna be all right, then then be like okay. And it doesn't even have
to be in that moment. It could be later that day or the next day to be like, hey and do what Jana said. So that's just my thought.
And if and if he doesn't says to stop the fishing after that, because I know I've unfortunately done that in the past two where I've fished old fish. But I feel like that just I mean, I get what you're saying, but it's still she's still fishing.
It's it's do you see what I mean? Though? Yeah, but it's an opportunity to talk about something that should be talked about anyway. It's not just trying to.
Let me make sure sure we're on the same team. We're about to have a baby.
Let's okay, So start with Mike and with mine. If it doesn't happen, all right.
This one's from anonymous. I got engaged to my boyfriend of three years. We lived together, everything's been great. Well, one night he went to the baller and was having a friendly conversation with a woman. At the end of the night, they exchanged numbers. A week later, my gut was telling me to go through his phone and it's on Snapchat. They've been talking and became best friends on it. When I confronted my fiance, he said, no, no, no, we're just getting to know each other. Nothing has been
said that would disrespect me or our relationship. He's also never given me a reason not to trust him, so I let it go. So I messaged the girl on Facebook. She said she originally said no to exchanging numbers, but decided she had nothing to lose, so she gave him her number. She also said he kept initiating the snaps in the conversations.
I don't know what to do. I don't know who to believe any of us would be helpful.
And then she also says, I love you both and literally use your podcast and television shows as therapy to help me in rough situations. So thank you for being so raw, open and honest about your guys' lives. It means a lot.
Thank you.
Thank you Anonymous.
Guys need to have like if you're married, you don't.
If you're engaged, yes hashtag no new friends.
It's like the thing again, it's kind of just one thing.
And we've kind of touched on this before. It's one thing. If at work and over time with working with somebody, you you develop a relationship, and you know, but you talk about it with your partner, your girlfriend or your wife or whatever they meet them. It becomes like a mutual relationship just because you're working with somebody. It's just one of those Okay, A lot of people have those,
and that are healthy and within boundaries. Meeting someone out at a bar, communicating via snapchat, there is nothing healthy about insaaning. I'm we're just getting to know each other. Why do you need to get to know some random shack you met at a bar? That is bold?
Yeah?
I agree, I think we all agree.
So what should she do? I would say, like, stop communication with her?
Yeah, be like, this doesn't make me feel comfortable. If he's your fiance, your fiance, you're gonna potentially marry this man. Say you don't feel comfortable with it, Validate that you've never given me a reason to trust you, not to trust you. But I don't like this. I don't feel comfortable and I'm really sorry.
Mm hm.
So I would like, you know, for you to cease yees conversation.
It's time for boundaries to be established. Clearly they haven't been and guys are dumb.
So it needs so yes, that's a good there you go, popa mark the create boundaries. Boundaries need to be created.
Now.
Hey you guys, I hope every single one of you have the most amazing Christmas. In New Year, we're going to be on hiatus for two weeks. We love you guys so much. For those of you that struggle during the holiday season, know that you're not alone, Know that there's people out there that love you and that care about you. And we just truly hope that you guys have an amazing holiday season and find some peace these
next few weeks. And for all those gods, give a little love a little, give a little love a little.
And for all those guys out there, if you haven't gotten something sentimental for your girl, go do it. Just do it.
Only care about minus Sarah. Just get for the shoes.
Merry Christmas holidays at least whatever you celebrate, enjoy it and be present in those moments.
And we hope to see you guys in twenty twenty God willing twenty twenty Hi guys, Bye sad in Another year
And another one, Buds, another one going, and another one