Augmented Reality

like what inch and a half? Maybe I could see the grass still through the snow, So i don't know if it counts right. Well, school's off, but I'm like this, this breathing is is not is not great. So I'm like, I just I've been down this road with the kids before. I'm like, he needs a steroid and so, you know,

lo and behold them. I'm like I'm thinking, I'm like, all right, I can't get into I'd rather take Alan's truck because that's got the four wheel and it's got the you know, all that stuff, the off terrain drive truck. So but I mean, it's covered in snow and I've just got you know, him, poor thing, just like struggling to breathe and putting you know, change in the car

seat and putting it in there. And at first, I'm like, I don't know if this is a good idea at all, because you know how that the subs don't look great. But then all of a sudden we got back on the roads. I'm like, oh, I'm from Michigan, Like I forget. I'm like, I forget you know what I mean, Like I got this, like I know how to do this. And then when I got into the roads, I'm like, oh, it's totally fine. That's when I called you. I was like, girl, hey,

you're a Michigan ass. Doesn't get over here. Yeah. And now I was like, okay, girl, I feel good about it. I'm just making sure all is ago and they pre salted for us. And so then when I got out there, I was like, well, this is like I do think it is precious. If you didn't grow up in this weather, it's probably really overwhelming. But for us, I mean, I have a January third birthday right in Michigan. December second. Yeah, yeah,

like we're never going anywhere. But it's funny because Catherine, So it's what roles can be so reversed on this couch because when it's a thunderstorm, I mean tornado vibe. Even if a little bit of thunder KB is like everyone locked out. Like she's the girl on the plane on Bridesmaids.

I don't even know. We are really giant, so but I was a few things that I just to recap that episode a little bit that I found comforting and what actually helped me this morning too, in the midst of this perfect storm and him not being able to breathe and literally the last two nights being on a total of like two hours of sleep because I stare

at the monitor just being like, Kenny breathe. Oh my gosh, you're going to him like and seeing is that in that moment, I probably would have gone to like, oh, I'm so alone because Alan's in London and you know, I'm dealing with sick you know, sick kids and whatever.

But knowing all the messages that I got about and even you guys too, I mean, I'm sure you guys got us some as well, but like just being like, you're not We're not alone in any of this, and the things that we and all the stuff that's on our plate. It was just so refreshing. And then in moments like today, I'm like, all right, like I don't I don't feel alone in this moment. You know, I'm like I got this. I'm like rockstar, mom, let's go, let's do this. Let's get there to the appointment and

you know, make sure he's okay. And so I just there was a nice sense of like, yeah, we take on a lot of stuff, but we're not alone, and we're all in this together. And I think hearing from everybody this week felt really nice to know, even though I know we're all like with each other, but there's a whole slew of moms out there that feel this

exact same way. I remember when you were talking last week, thinking this is going to land in the hearts of so many people, because I talked to friends at home in Michigan and you know, girlfriends of mine in California, and like, literally everyone feels these things down to the vaccination, like all of it. I mean, it's there's no real safe place we feel. We've created this incredible society where we overshare and sometimes it works to our detriment, but

I feel like it can. It's just been so great recently for to like kind of ground itself back to like letting us feel like there's actually a community we're all going through it. And it's interesting, is like, this is the stuff that I normally wouldn't share because exactly as a mom, like you just hold it all in. So they do where I felt scared to when I to share it. So I was like, oh, wait, no, this is stuff that we can talk about. We can

share this. I can say I feel alone even in a marriage, even though I'm not saying I feel alone a within my marriage, you know, it's just the feeling of it. So and I got a you know, a listener DM she was like, you know, I can relate to the lonely feeling as a divorce and remarried mom, you know. So it's like there's I think that was really nice. And also I've gotten some great feedback. I'm following just the inserts on now Doctor Green Moom vaccine

friendly plan. So there's just a lot of people too that have reached out with really good resources on both sides, and ninety nine point nine percent of them were really positive and very graceful. There was only like a one percent word that were like, you're so terrible for sharing misinformation. I'm like, actually, I'm trying to get information. Yeah. I think you said it was miss but I think it was just feel for information. Yeah.

I mean, I had a text last night at twelve thirty from a friend I haven't heard from from in years, and she was like, tell Jana that I said, blah blah blah blahlah, here's my story, you know, and it's just it's good to hear people's stories you know, on why they do vaccinate and why they may not or why they're scared. You know, it was refreshing. I was really happy to see the positive feedback from that, for sure.

both of you. I was terrified to go to this format, not because I don't love you desperately, but in our little triangle of friendship, we are so unafraid to give each other honest feedback or to like, you know, speak

life or to truth or whatever. But I got nervous to open it up because I feel the anxiousness of like the world's just ready to attack and for And it's been really like I even said to you last night, Cat, I was like, I'm not reading the comments, like I don't want to see it because it really does hurt my feelings. People will hurt my feelings pretty easily, so I guard myself. But it's been so incredible. It feels so I don't know, it just feel so genuine, and

I think that's why we all get along. And I feel like we get to plug into our community better when we say the hard stuff because we're being honest.

but it is what. Thanks for listening, Thanks for being here, Thanks for being here, Thanks for being a homie. Let's unpin something. Oh, because it's been pinned a while. Catherine and I have kind of sabotaged the host chat topic the last few episodes, and you're just bursting out of the shirt to tell us about your boobs. Well, I'm barely bursting, So you guys, are you I might get emotional talking about this, Well, it'd be three weeks in

a row of cry. Let's go for it, okay. So I can feel the tears coming, Okay, bring it, let it way. I feel so ridiculous, said it feel ridiculous. Okay, I need to get it together. So did you tell me to get it together last week when I was crying? No, you said I wanted to get on my lap. I did, okay, So, and ironically, my boobs are on my lap, so that would be a good segue. So I was a late bloomer. I'm going to take you back to a cold day

in nineteen ninety six, the back brace. Yeah, you guys, like I want to, I do want a little framework care. I did have a back brace in seventh grade Eden Inhaler, life was not charming in middle school. I was a late bloomer. I think because of the surgery. It was a pretty massive surgery. It was a nine hour surgery. They corrected my scoliosis. They put rods in my back. Because of that, I think I menstruted later in life. We are over sharing today unapologetically. When did what age

did you menstroy? Sixteen and a half? Okay, okay, So I remember that because I remember thinking I don't actually I'll say it. I remember being nervous that I wasn't. I had a serious boyfriend, and I was like, I don't even think I can have sex all have a period. Like I was so confused and scared, you know, which is probably why no one should do that. Stay abstinate. So I say all that because I didn't. Nothing really

came in for me until I was like nineteen. My boobs didn't come in until I was nineteen, and they came in like a dream. They were stunning. We have lived such I mean, there's nobody more grateful for a natural boob on this planet than me. They were like solid C D cup held their own I mean we were in backless shirts. We have lived strapless life together. And then there was a baby, and then there was another baby, and then the third baby at forty one

has really done a number on the girls. And so when they are collected like they are today in the right bra, they still hold their own abby use my code. They're great bras. I actually wanted to know for real if they were a fantastic Okay, but swimsuits have been hard. You guys know, I love to style and I love to create wardrobe, and I feel like I'm styling and picking things around them now because I can't wear certain kinds of tops. Finding a strappo sprawl has been a struggle.

And then can I ask where the tears? Like where Okay, they're coming? So I have I have a hard time electing for surgery. I think because of the surgeries that I've had to have, Like one was a DNC the back, you know, the spinal surgery, Like it just doesn't feel great for me to choose to do surgery. But I have really felt like I've stood in the mirror and done what probably a lot of us do, which is like pick them up and put them back in their place.

I don't have much of a torso, so they're now eating away at another solid inch and a half of that SpongeBob squarepant figure, you know, And I'm like, come on, ladies. So I had this, like I have wanted to try on the idea of perhaps getting a reduction and a lift. Husband is wildly obsessed with my breasts, and so I do think that's what we're saying, because this isn't coming from anywhere other than me. Here's the tears. This is

so I feel like so silly. I feel like I'm being ungrateful or something for this like beautiful, healthy body, like they're healthy boobs. But like I'm so we were guys. I feel like an idiot. We did this video. We were on in the Bahamas, and the guys were like, I'm gonna do this video walking on the beach. They have this new song. It's beautiful, it's so special. And you know, I have another wife and my duo, and she's a quite a bit younger than me, seven or

eight years younger than me. She had our babies early. She has these really great boobs, and I do a really good job of not comparing myself. I mean, you're my best friend and you're stunning, and I don't ever compare me to you. I'm really good about this, but for some reason that video and Preston would be just absolutely embarrassed if he knew this, because I almost wanted to be like, don't post it, because I just felt so insecure in that video and that is not like me.

But I don't usually have boobs out either, as you know, and it was the first time where I was like, oh, I don't like I feel so silly. I just don't like how I look, and it made me feel like I didn't want him to post it. And then I was like, well, that's not fair because probably my boobs are more relatable to ninety percent of the world. And again, this is like feels like superficial or something to even

be upset about it. But for some reason, I'm really struggling with even like going to get a consultation because I feel like I'm being ridiculous or like, I don't know, I guess it is just like superficial is the word I just keep coming back to. It feels like dumb or something that it would even I think I feel ungrateful to even consider doing something like that, so I won't even go to a doctor. Why am I crying?

I think it's like mourning the loss of a body, you know, like as moms, we've gotten to know our bodies probably three or four times over, you know, like every woman can pretty much agree with that, whether you're a mom or not. Like the body that you know in your hottest bar dancing days, you still don't have that. And so I've really felt like I work my tail off, I work out, I eat clean, and it's just like

the one thing that doesn't I don't know. I hope people don't rip me apart for crying about this.

So I think I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna I think I'll get to a place where I'm going to go, gosh, I wish I would have done that, you know, ten years ago. And I also know we're done having babies, and so like, this is the body I'm working with now, and I don't. I do not want an implant. That's nothing against anyone. I just I think because I already have so many foreign things in my body, like the rods and the wires and the like, I don't need any of that. I just, for some reason, I just

feel this like immense amount of guilt for even wanting it. Why. I don't know. I think because I have a healthy body. Sure, but you also if there's something that you would want to do to. So I think it's I think this is like twofold. The first thing is, as we're getting older, like you said, our bodies are changing. I mean, I've I haven't done botox in a year now. I've seen that. I'm I can see my face is changing, ring goals, I don't look the same like I did some of it.

I feel like I look better now that I'm thinking prettier, but also there's other pieces of me that I'm like, oh gosh, And the other day I'm like, god, I think I I think I need to make the decision to do botox again because I just I just look old. And so I've noticed I've started to talk down a bit more to myself. But I'm also realizing we're just

getting older too, and yeah, we're just we're changing. And I don't think there's necessarily and I'm not trying to go like I don't want to be twenty again, right, you know, I truly don't. I actually really love this forty three year old body. I feel like it's stronger than it's ever been. So that's why. But I thought it was a good topic. I'm hoping there's some solidarity

and some of the women out there. But I also I'm like, you have elected to get the surgery, and it was like not, I felt like I never saw you struggle. And I'm like, ashhn't. Why can't I see high as a kite on Easter post it Eastern Jana. I wish we had a video of Eastern Janna. And

I'm really not trying to be over dramatic. That's like I just I think because I have had friends that have breast cancer and they've had to have these big surgeries, and I'm going, the girls are so healthy, and then is it this weird thing that society has put on us that we have to look a certain way. But I don't necessarily need them to be a certain cup size or anything. I would just love for them to, you know, take a few steps up. I would love to be able to get dressed and not you know.

And I think there's I think that's an you know, oh cat comment on this too. But I think it's something that you have talked about for years now, Yes, for a lot of years. It's something that you go back to. It's something that you have in so security about. I don't find it superficial at all in wanting to get a lift and so that you can have that confidence. Now, you don't need to get a lift to have the confidence, No, because you're a confident person, you're a beautiful person. You

don't need that. But if it's something and if it's something that you want to maybe for yourself, it's like, that's okay. I don't know, kat, Yeah.

on my body. I just think that had I liked it and had it felt good, then I have, you know, gone forward with it, Like I don't. I don't see it as a superficial thing either, But your feelings are warranted at the same time, if that's how you know if that's how you're feeling, but maybe it would be beneficial to go for a consultation and then see how you feel. You know, maure, you like what it would look like and.

like them, okay. And so when I was presented with you know, I thought about it for a while, like maybe if I had bigger boobs, he wouldn't cheat, or he'd find me sexier or something like that. Now I got to a place where I think it was for me because I chose the doctor because I had a couple of consultations I had won in Los Angeles and I won't say the doctor, but it was it was out in LA when my ex and I were living out in LA and that was, you know, when we

were obviously trying to reconcile things. But I still was like, maybe if I had bigger boobs and was like sexier because mine as well, My boobs were always great and perky, but after the two kids, they just sagged really bad and so and certain things just didn't go back to looking the same. And you know, yes, so people would look at them and be like, oh my goodness, and

so I felt gross. And so when I went to the LA doctor, he was like, you should have you should get this this size and this is what it should look like. And I'm like, no, those just look too big on me, don't I don't like the way that looks. He's like, I promised you you're going to want bigger, and I'm like, he's like every time someone ever gets a boob job, they always say I wish I would I wish I would have gone bigger, and I'm like, I can promise you. I'm not that girl.

Like I don't want big boobs. I just i'd like him a little bigger. I'd like to be maybe a sea or something. But I don't want to be like a big, big c and that you're a tiny person too. Yeah, So I was like, I don't I don't want to do that. So that felt wrong to me. So I decided on my doctor here, doctor Hunger, who I just

love so much. And he saw this, like he gave me that option, but he's like, I think you should go here, and it was like kind of the middle route, and I was like, yes, that looks supernatural, and that's but like a little something else, a little extra but

post so obviously I loved it. I had a lot of fun with them post divorce, right because Mike never actually got to feel them because we had gotten divorced, like I found out about the him cheating again, so like he didn't even get to see them, which was glorious, you know. So they were not touched. They were fresh, non touched boobs, and I and everyone knows I flaunted them. I did. I took every bikini. As Alan likes to

just he was like in your thirsty hungry days. I was like absolutely, I showed these bad boys off a time or two. I mean, like some of these photos I was like, babe, he's like hungry and I was like I was starving for like attention, and it was sad actually when I look back at it now. But where I'm at now is I would actually like to take out my implant and just lift them again. Are we going to do it together? Because Alan's very much like I don't. He's like, I love your boobs, He's

like you don't. And he doesn't like implants. He doesn't like faking the fake stuff, you know. So he's very He's not against me getting botox, but he doesn't want me to get botox. He doesn't he doesn't like the implants, he doesn't like I mean, he loves my boobs, but like sure, if I was to get him again, he would be like, take him out and I would just do them do a lift. Yeah, Cat, I see you about.

more natural and not have an implant in there. So when that time comes for me to take them out and redo them again, I don't know if I don't think i'd put them back in, But I don't know, you know what I mean, Like, talk to me in ten years when I decide to do that again.

got it. It was more myself, my insecurity and my wanting to be like everybody else that you know, he was with. So I think it just really hit me when I because I usually don't do bikini pictures or some suit pictures. And and again, like if I was like I don't like that video, don't put it up, they wouldn't put it up. But I was like, well, this is I'm a relatable woman in the way that like I don't have reast implants and I'm you know,

forty three and I'm trying my best. But it was the first time, like I love to style and wear things and try new things, and I think that it felt like I was like, I shouldn't award that, like it just I but there's no good way to manage like a size D boob with no gravity. I think if you're in the like my mom, she's openly talked about if she had the income, she would want to

do a lift. And that's something where because it's she doesn't you know again, you're older, you've had kids, You've all I wasn't breastfed, but thanks mom, But noma kidding at it either, but like you know what I mean, Like it's just listen, I didn't recipe there. It's fine, but my boos were huge. So anyways, but like you, I think at that age, you know it's better to do it now, if you're going to do it, then that's where I'm at. Yeah, if you're going to go

down under and all that, I would lift them. I fully support you doing whatever you want to do for yourself. Sure, and that is not as an intense as other surgeries. Yeah, yes, okay, I don't know why. It has literally just brought me fan. I've met him and he seems quite lovely and I love him. He's fantastic. If you do do it, okay, And I I want.

you know. Some I'd even talk Tom like, man, I'm gonna get a mommy mommy talk or whatever, And now I was like he was, I mean, he was very against it because his buddy lost a wife to Sepsis that from the surgery or whatever. But that's a very invasive surgery. I don't even know why I wanted to do, but I think just because I wanted to, well, there is I was worried about maybe the if I could get my body back in shape after three kids, and

I don't know, I just wanted to have a flat stomach. Sorry, I just like, you know, I just like this would be great, you know. But then I was able to find workouts and food and find out where where my inflammation was coming from. And like, you know, now I feel so much better. But you can't do that with your boobs. I feel that's that's where you there's things that you can No. I'm not saying that's everyone. There's a cure all forever, but for a boobs you can't.

There's no there's nothing you can take. There's no exercise you can do. There's no vampire you know exercises. Yeah, well, I'm thankful I got to unpin it. I really just was. I just needed your brains and your voice over it, because I, for some reason, have just put myself in this category of like, it's just being ridiculous. I think you'll be so happy that you did it. I think so too, And I don't know why I'm so stuck.

You shouldn't. I'm a pretty say some person, oh they're going to do that, and I'm gonna be like, oh, sign me up, let's do it till and they're going to show you that three D yes because it isn't truly even about how I look naked, it's just about dressing. I'm so tired of, you know, grabbing the girls and putting them in the only bra that works and can't do strapless and can't do this, and it's like, I want to have more fun than that. I freaking enjoy

wardrobe too much to be styling around this. And I'm also in the same breath so freaking grateful for a healthy body that I just am like, Okay, well, then maybe it's just what we do. We deal with Pamelin, Like our good friend Pamelin says, we're not going out without a fight. Amen to that. And ladies, have grace for yourself. Yes, and if it's something that you want to do for you, then police support it. Yeah, and I'll drive you to the appointment. I might need you. Actually,

the medicine afterward is fun. You would video and send it to line. I'm oh, man, sorry for the emotions ladies. On that note, let's take a break. Okay, we got a whine. Anybody who's got a whine about it?

to me. I'm frustrated with him and frustrated with her, and I like want to just want to cry, and she's crying and I'm just like mad at myself. So I just was really upset last night and had a conversation with some other coaches. It's just it's a balance because it's you know, in sports now, it's just very like you want to push these kids to be better athletes, but like I'm like, what are we doing like at the expense of her mental health? Like, is she's not

having fun? Anymore. This isn't okay, you know, like she's walking out in tears and we're spending all this time doing it. So it's more just like the emotional like what is right? Just kind of back to like what we talked about last week, what is right? What is wrong? Is it okay for me to let them push her this hard and be picking on her the whole time? Is it not okay? Like I'm her mother, I have

to make that decision, you know. So it's just all that and just going through the emotions of that, and I just couldn't stop crying last night.

your option. So last night. I mean, she just was emotionally exhausted. She's crying, and it's just like, what do you want? And she was like, I just want to love it again, and I just want him to be nicer to me, you know, And so I was like, okay, Like that's then she's like, but I don't want to quit. I don't want to quit on the team. So I don't.

It's like, okay. So then I talked to some other coaches today and you know, we just kind of talked through it and the emotions of that, and like, you know, going back to the fact that she's a thirteen year old girl who's grown probably six inches in the last you know, she used to be tiny, and so she's just grown a lot, and like what does that mean

for her mental health? Because she feels like she's big now, you know, and that's a heart That's what gets me crying, is like she feels like she's too big and no one's putting that in her head other than people have to lift her up. So when they drop her, that just goes immediately to her head. I'm too big, I'm too fat, I'm you know this, And so that's just been a struggle. That's been a real struggle with a middle school girl feeling that when her body is perfectly

normal and perfectly healthy. And so it's just been I don't know, it's been a struggle over here.

can get to these higher levels. But like I explained to him and to the other coaches, I was like, but if he pushes her away, she's never going to get there. So there has to be this balance of you know, it's a team sport. It can't all be her fault, you know, it can't be. It's just it's a balance and figuring that out. And it's just been And it's funny. I've been watching a lot of coaches things lately and how sports are done now and how you know, nothing's fun anymore.

your jami quit, you know, you move along. But now I feel like it's almost like you have to figure out what your kids are good at by like age four, and because if you try to put them in, Like when I was ten or eleven, I could try a new sport if you're ten or eleven, Now new sports are really not for you. You're behind, and that is really unfair to children who are learning their bodies, learning

their emotions, learning their strengths. Like so we ended up pulling her out of gymnastics and putting her back in. Now she's in cheer and she loves it, but she's in a really sweet little program that's really about praying them in. They pray them in, they pray them out. It's about their strengths. But I can't imagine the level that y'all are at and like the pressure that comes with it. It's also not fair and it's not It doesn't. I don't know if this is the word I'm looking for,

but it isn't. It isn't equal to their age and their growth. The amount of pressure that we're putting on them. This is like things that like master athletes are hearing and doing, and instead of coaching some good out of them, they'll coach them right out of a sport. Like I my thing for love is fall in love with the sport, keep loving the sport, and keep learning how strong you are.

And the minute those things fall away, we're out. Because it's just an unrealistic pressure for the age group of these roles.

They're doing baseball year round now, and by the time you get to middle school, you're not making that middle school team if you haven't played since.

She's so she's truly like softball. She ended up having the flu, so she couldn't go, But there was a piece of me that I wasn't that upset with it because where Jolie's at right now, her confidence is so hit from the dyslexia that right now I just need

to build her up so much. And if if that, you know, if she didn't get it, which she probably wouldn't have because she's not at the left because she hasn't done you know, she's just done wreck and there's these people have been doing travel for since they were at four or whatever it is. Yeah, so it's like, I mean, she probably wouldn't have really made it, but like and I wanted that experience for because I think this is something that she can really do great in.

But I'm almost okay that she didn't this year just because right now, like I need, I need to build that confidence her because it is it has rocked her this year. I mean, we started off the year because we kind of knew the dyslexia talk started in first grade. I kind of started to notice it a little bit again, knew nothing about it. And then when this her third grade teacher came to one of her softball games and she's like, hey, do you have She's like, can I

talk to you? You know, She's like she's really really down on herself and just saying she's stupid and she's, you know, the dumbest kid in class and she can't read. She's like she has out. I'm like what I mean, I'm like bawling at her softball game, you know, like just hearing like my daughter, Like no, she's so light and happy and you know, positive, and she she knows

she's enough. Like we've got the sign on her door that she leaves and she leaves the room like I'm Jolie Ray, I'm enough and I'm smart and brave and so this, you know not and then working through all this now her third grade and then you know, getting the final diagnosis. But you know, she's like, you know, am I you know, am my special needs? Like she says all these things that she's you know, that she's dumb. And so it's now you know, she's working with a therapist.

So I'm like I in this stage of life, like I'm almost glad because I'm like, right now, it's like I don't think she could handle a tough coach at this moment, Like we gotta we got to build her up and encourage her. And then you know, but then I also think that tough coaching is really important too, so like bring that in when the season is a little bit lighter on other things of life, because these kids are just being thrown things at such a young age too, and feelings and all of it, you know.

really important. And some coaches that push them they'll connect with and some push coaches that push them they won't and they'll shut down and it may make you know, And so it's just really important I think for parents to stay involved, be there. That's why I like to be there as much as I possibly can so I can see it. I can watch it and see how they're affected by it.

It's really just emotional skyrocketed, you know, and trying to find that balance of like life is going to be tough. But we got to build the confidence, you know, and you, Catherine, you're doing a great job, you know without that, I mean, like you said, being her advocate and that's the hugest thing. The best thing we can do is be their advocate and be there for them. And yeah, I think your tears are fair, and you're a good mom and you love hard.

you're saying there's a chance. So you say there's a chance, And I was like, you know what, I don't need an asteroid. Usually I've got the news on the morning, and I did not hear about an asteroid. What channelane it's tracking that it would hit in eight years, I believe, And what can't we divert and do what? Literally Armageddon

did get the plane? I know for this oil dig it? Well, I hadn't blow it up, guys, come on, I did have a really so my husband is an honorary Guardian of the Galaxy through the space Force of the United States Space Force and I can't say that usually without laughing, and he gets really angry at me. And so I was like, well, this is where your side hustle comes in. Break up the asteroid there, Preston, I don't know. Apparently

that's coming. They said that we will see it and then it will disappear for our view for four years, and then when it comes back, we'll have to make bigger decisions.

kinder and sweeter and more tender with each other. And you know, there was several announcements made like it is our dedication to get you to your next place, like very you know is safe and comfortable. And I will say I used to always be very annoyed of people that clapped on a plane. I'm going to clap at every landing. Now you're the clapper. I'm going to be the clapper. Three one thousand percent happening, Like, without a shadow of doubt, I'm clapping. I might even give a standing.

Oh mammy, can't do that. Please stay in. I must stay locked in. Okay, let's take a break and then get I guys, I have to pee. I can't even think.

do your impersonation, but I can't. And okay, So I'm twenty six from Glasgow and getting married this year to my boyfriend of seven years. We are just engaged in December, but already booked our wedding for this September. Grat's Girl, Well, there is a lot to plan. The most stressful thing so far we can't agree on is the guest list. Oh ohway, oh boy. We were having a small ceremony of fifty people and then fifty evening guests. I have a really big family, whereas he has a large group

of close friends. We are trying to make it fair by doing twenty five each, but I am finding it super difficult because so many of my family are not on the list. I have cut all extended family, but I don't have my aunts or uncles on my dad's side, and I am stressed in case they feel upset or annoyed about this. Any advice on the best way to do the guest list to make it fair and keep people somewhat happy. I have so much to say on this, Brittany,

first and foremost, congrats. Second thing, we had a huge thing with my ex and I. I won't say which which marriage, but Jo and Kata my cat, did like

that one. But it was very important to me because I was byng for the wedding that it was a small wedding and at the end of the day, it should just be about the people that you you would be upset that wasn't there, right, Like, if you had your wedding, it is who would you be most upset about that wasn't there on your big day, Not if they would be upset, but if you would be upset that they weren't there. And so we made a list of those people and the family members, and there were

some on there. There were cousins that unfortunately didn't make the list that I would have loved to invited them. But at the same time, you know, we weren't doing Actually no we did. We did first cousins, but second cousins and stuff like that, we just didn't. We didn't do that. I'm you know again, who who was going to be? Who we wanted to be at that wedding, right, And so his side of the family got so upset that we did not invite the cousins of his uncle

that he barely really even knew. And then the mom was like, well, I'll pay, and I'm like, it's not about you paying for them, like it's actually has nothing to do about that. Well, first of all, it's not just about paying for just their food. It's the extra table plates and the chairs and the this, that and the other. I'm like, there's and at the end of the day, it's also it's not your wedding, mother in law, like,

it's it's our wedding. And he barely knows them. You're just doing it because and there were step cousins too. That was the whole other thing. It was they were like step cousins. They weren't even first cousins, and and like he didn't want them there, but the mom was like, I'll pay for it, and I'm like no, And we got into this huge thing. His uncle actually stopped talking to him for a while because and his uncle chose not to come to the wedding, the one uncle that

like he really wanted there. And I'm like, because you wanted your the step cousins to come from your wife And it was all about his new wife. It's kids and like I've never met them, you know what I mean, And it like why why? And he them like a couple times, I was like this is insane. So I think my only advice to you, Brittany is you guys, sit down, don't worry about other people's feelings. At the end of the day, this is your big day, obvious people.

Most people will understand that. You know, weddings are expensive and you can't invite everyone, and if you could invite everyone, you would, But at the end of the day, you have to just invite the people that you would truly be so heartbroken are not there. But not because they would be heartbroken, because you would be heartbroken. That's all I'm saying. I like it. Former wedding planner here and two time wedding champ my own personal journey. I agree.

I also think people spend a lot of time focusing on a wedding instead of focusing on a marriage. So I would encourage you to get on the same page and really pick up a copy of mel Robbin's Let Them book and just get through the first fifty pages at a minimum. I agree with everything, Janie. I think that the day goes by too quick. You don't need to be meeting anybody the first time the day of your wedding, and it's not about anybody else's day but you.

It's that they're going to be upset. Yes, Kat, disagree with us, Go for it, girl.

I don't really remember the day that much. I don't really remember those specific people that like we thought about inviting. So to me, it was like not that big of a deal. But the location wasn't affected. The seats necessarily weren't affected. You know, you might pick a place that you have to add, you know, there's a lot of that goes int to that. So to me, I was like, I can invite less people on my end for them to have more money or more people, and it's fine.

So I just think it's what's comfortable for you, Brittany and for your fiance and whatever sits right with both of y'all.

that's sure what. I've loved my aunts and uncles to come, absolutely, but at the end of the day, I'm sorry, I would rather have my best friends there at the wedding that has been you know, in the making for for years, and the right one, you know, And they went to the other ones, but this one was like I really just needed my bestie is there, you know, and just the mom and dad. That's it, you know everybody else. I loved you and I would have loved but again,

paying for it and it's expensive, it's a lot. Also encouraging Brittany to Elope if needed, always an option. Yeah, you know, I saw always say that, but I'm really glad I didn't Elope with Alan. Oh I am glad you didn't either. Hey, I would I sat that special time with even if the even even though it was so little, I still really cherished the walk and having you guys there, oh for sure. But I was like Elope, Yeah, no,

I do feel like too. There's always the option of like a far away wedding or a very very teeny tiny like just bring it down to parents if needed, or like a couple of best friends. Like sometimes like the first ring out of the audience becomes like you feel like it has to be all or nothing. So maybe we don't need to get bigger, Maybe we need to get smaller, Brittany, just try that on too and see if that helps. Well. Cat on the field, glad to have you have you out there.