Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast and The Queen's Back. Hi yay.
I love how in the rundown it says was the laundry done? The producers of About Me doubt you was it?
Was it not? Was it ending in the launder room?
I mean the kids bags were still all packed. You know, it's fine, No, it's it's fine. It was. It was not. It was not a messy house to go to home too. And I didn't know it wasn't. No, it is fine, Han, it goes alan, But I like I knew, you know that I would come home to that bag, like the kids bags still closing their bags and not put away like I knew.
Like, and I'm like, okay, what kind of funny thing about that?
You asked Sarah to do it and she didn't do it?
No, no, no, no. The kid's bags that was put in the room was actually full of clothes that I had washed while we were in Lexington. Okay, So can I get some sort.
Of no, because that airbnb smelled like a mothball, and so all of those clothes when I opened the thing up, I'm like, I first of all, they weren't like folded and put in the bag, so they were just all wrinkly. And then when I smelt it, He's like those are clean. I'm like, it smells like a giant mothball. I was like, I can't put these into the dresser.
Yeah, I was pretty busy baby when I go back, but it wasn't nice. Guess anyway, I've got a question for you. So I was talking to one of my clients last night about superpowers. Okay, and there's a thing that discuss quite a lot with clients because they each have the superpower which is their main strength in goal scoring. And I come off the call and I was like, I wonder what Jana's superpower would be if she could
have one. If I could no restrictions, you could have a super power, what would it be be.
In two places at once? I think that's pretty much every mom's superpower. Maybe, or maybe I don't. I don't say ever. Maybe some is like disappear, I don't know, but like for me, it's to be in two places at once. Yeah, what about hers?
But to be to see into your mind and your thoughts, not in a stock creepy way.
But I'm such an open book, though, I could see me having that with you because you're very you you internalize everything I've I've at a place where I just say whatever I'm thinking. There's nothing that would be in my mind that you wouldn't know about, Like you know when I'm pissed, you know when I'm frustrated, you know when I'm sad. You know what I'm and you don't. Honestly,
you'd be exhausting if you were in my mind. The amount of things that I think about, like the amount that we moms have to do, that we have to think about because our brains actually do think more than men. That's it's a scientific, proven fact, you know it seriously, is like we can google it right now. It is a scientific fact that women have more thoughts going on. I sent you that thing too on Instagram. It said I'm going to butcher it. Actually on my phone's recording.
It was basically like it was funny the amount of time. I mean, do you have your phone?
Yeah? Hold up?
It was like something about what we'll say it. But that to the point is we have a lot on our mind. So and there are times.
Where statistics show that women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
Exactly like that is the most accurate statistic ever. I stop, it's a statistic.
Ok yeah, there's a better truth than that.
Do you want to change your superpower? Because I think.
My superpower would be.
Because again, don't you agree that I kind of say.
That would be to master simplicity and make things simple. I think that as a superpower. As I'm building this up, I'm recognizing and reading until the business people maximizing and monetizing simplicity as a superpower that I will achieve at some point.
Yeah, but you gotta like this is it's more fun to have an actual superpower, Like that's something you can do. Superpower is like being invisible. Ah, fly a fly on the wall. Why do you want to know things?
Though?
Trust me?
Why I said I would want to be able to fly?
Fly?
Okay? I thought you meant like a fly on the wall.
No, be able to fly? Like if you're annoying me, I can jump out the window and just fly.
Why does that lead back to me I'm annoying you?
Okay, I don't feel like you're in the car drive I can just go and fly about everywhere.
Listen. I used to my superpower used to be or used to I used to want to be a fly on the wall. And this last week has taught me that I don't want to be anywhere near things because I know too much information about certain things right now that I wish I didn't know. And I don't want to be in a fly in the wall because it is exhausting and it has been challenging to say the least. So that is a superpower that I have thrown away. I don't want to know.
Okay, well you're no longer to fly in the wall. We can be something else.
So I've got a request a two places in once Boom.
So I've seen as as as the app, Niel's closer and things are ramping up. Finally, I've been looking into social media stuff on like funny posts that I can help the market it. Although I'm going to have someone that does this, but those are really it's a really funny one and I wondered if you would actually take part in it.
I sent it if I would take part in an Instagram reil. Do you know how many times I've been begging you to a bib. You need to start like posting things.
Yeah, but this one is funny. But you're on the receiving end of something.
I mean, so this guy is embarrassed myself.
Enough on, but this guy is. This guy is dreaming, right, He's dreaming and the ball is coming. He's in the eighteen yard box right. The ball's coming high over the top of the defender and it comes towards him and he just needs to volley it, and the goal like the stadium's packed. And then when he hits, when he volleys the ball, it jumps straight to he's actually in bed with he's misses and he boots, half, don't let me show you now. And I sent it to you
so you can. You can add content you're actually take it. I actually but you Yeah, well I don't want to be booted softly, like like it's a funny post.
Okay, as long as it's not to the face.
No, it's your's your also, But you're lying. We're almost like in a spooning possession. And I'm dreaming and I just.
Go and I'm like, oh, okay, that's funny. I'll do it. Stay tuned, Stay tuned. Okay, Hey into a few fan questions because I think it's fun. Oh, I have a question, just back to host chat. Has it been easier hard to get back into the normal groove of things since May? Being back?
It's been easy?
Why are you doing that?
Look, well we've only been We've only been back one working day, haven't we Yeah. The weekend we came back. We drove back and we had a pool straight.
To a pool party. And You're like, do do I have to go? And I said, yes, you do. And you met a mate.
You met him make listen casting a net for some mates.
Yeah, so funny. How guys work. I'm like, did you guys get each other's numbers?
No, Big said, they was shait at golf and I'm shitty golf. So we can friends boom and be shaited golf together. But he wants to play and I want to play.
Yeah that's cute. Yes, but yes, we got back and then Sunday we went to church.
Monday, Yeah, the be entry was we had a good weekend.
Yeah, it was good.
We've planted stuff the planet flowers.
I got a random text message. It was really funny and I don't know who actually it is, but I did respond back because I didn't I wanted to know who it was, but I didn't ask, like who. You know, it's always weird when you have a text message that comes through. You're like, is this a y I got? Because it I couldn't read from the text message, it was just a six five. It was hey Janna again, my phone's recording, so it's I can't do it exactly.
Saw you at Low's with your family and in between the crazy checkout and because I mean it was like Roman's running everywhere, the kids around the car, I'm trying You're going to get another pot of dirt, and I'm trying to give these plants to the checkout, so it was like kind of wild. She's like, in between all the craziness of you wrangling your kids and paying for the flowers, she goes. It was so so She's like, you looked or of this person. I know it's a
she now. Because we ended up like calling like a I was at my lash lady. I was like, we need to see who this says. So we start sixty seven. I feel like, is it a guy or girl?
So Stall sexty seven.
Blocks your number. Oh yeah, I mean like I sound like a child, but you know it was a woman.
No.
I couldn't recognize a voice though, and so I don't want to be rude.
Right did the woman seeing the message?
She looked really happy and like content and loves and just really happy for you. So it's someone that I had some sort of maybe fallout, I don't know, so I have no clue. Or maybe it's a mom I have no I have no clue, so I just respond back and say, oh, thank you. I'd rather chew my arm off and go to Low's, but it ended up being a great time.
Do you think you're too good for Loose?
I don't like those places period.
I think it's too good for me.
No, not at all. No one's helpful. Walking into a home depot is the most loneliest feeling ever.
There's one old lady in the plant department who's really nice. It's been enough for for years.
I prefer Lows to home depot, But yes, I I My problem with going to home depot with a male in general is you guys, it's like your Disneyland, so you're you're stuck in there for hours.
And it's just it's not true.
The ceilings go so high and it's just so dark. And gloomy and nobody talks or helps, and I'm like, I just am looking for this small light.
Bulb.
Anyways, so no, I don't like lows. But it was fun and we had fun getting flowers. But I did respond, and you know, it was a nice little short combo. But anyways, random, Yeah, but I thought that was sweet, you know. Yeah, it's nice to have the I think people might have known me in other areas of my life.
Okay, fine questions, Mmmm, which one do I want to answer? Here?
Do you want to answer? What are the three things you have in common? Which, by the way, whenever we do couples therapy, it's always really sweet because she always she always starts us on something to compliment each other. Most times, yeah, to like break the ice and to just settle into love.
She does that to try and get me to smile.
So we'll start this off by saying, what are three things you have in common?
That was a fanguish. You have the same skin tone.
Oh my god, that's where you're going. Okay, I'm gonna say we're adventurous. We both, like Jesus cannot First of all, I'm way taner than you have. Moral of skin soul. It's not even to go there. I we we love to be outside together. We were very adventurous. We like to be active, that's active. We both love touch and affection. And the third thing is is we're both stubborn. Ertie boom you minus skin tone, Jesus, I dan way better than you and pull up. You have a good burn if you want me to.
We like fatness. We like to look afterable sails and keep fit. Okay, hope's that better than you? Hops that any waster than news? How is that any was than news?
Any worse? You just said the same thing that I said.
You haven't mentioned fatness.
Yes, I did think I did working out being active.
We both love traveling together. And mm hmm if actually get loads in common. There's just so much that I can't pluck the best want it.
There was one thing you could change about a relationship, what would it be? Hm?
I think before I speak more.
Mmmm, that would be nice.
Yeah, so that's not really me changing, it's me changing me to change our relationship essentially.
Yeah, yeah, I mean I would say a relationship, what would it be? I would say, I mean, there's something we can change our relationship? I well, I don't want to go on you.
No, Yeah, to see it.
No, because it's not about our relationship, it's about you, So just say it.
Just see it.
Well, it's about the same thing that you said.
But me thinking before this week. Yeah, to see.
It, but no, our relationship though that we would not look at each other straight negative like the enemy.
Yeah, I agree, see what the actual reality is rather than what we think, because your thoughts on not always reality.
So what I make up might not be true. What you might make up might not be true.
Okay. As something that you want to ask each other, but I'm afraid.
To no, No, there's nothing that I want to know that I'm afraid to ask.
There's nothing NO want to know, and there's nothing that I'm afraid no. Good question, though, good question.
Favorite part of the wedding.
Exchange in vows.
I liked the fireworks.
See that's why I'm the romantic.
Are you kidding me? That fireworks are so romantic? It was like sealing the deal. Celebration the love.
A ceiling of awards and thoughts and emotions does feel like a big bang.
In their Okay Relationship headlines, Nicole came In reveals whether she'd ever want to star on a TV show with Keith Urban. She says she has no plans to team up with her husband Keith or been on the television screen. When asked if the pair would ever do a TV show together, she said no. She said, we're together in life, so we don't need to do our show together. Our life is a show. So do you think it's good to have separate careers?
That's a good question. So I'm gonna I want to elaborate on something that I heard, right, and it was it was about it was about couples. It was about couples who separate, right, And what basically this psychologist was saying is a lot of couples separate because they don't
have anything that they can grow together career wise. He's like, so if there's a there's a woman or a man that goes off to their work and they work on a project that is so important to them, and they work with the work colleagues, and they've got this shared vision and this shared grap this shared task that they have to grow and nuture, and then the person goes home and it's just they go home to the husband and the wife and they don't and the husband and
wife don't have vent and that they have to. They've got a shared responsibility to grow and not sure whether it's a business or whether it's a whether it's some sort of interest. And they're talking about that's why a lot of couples separate, because a lot of people will go to work and that's where they are like they share ideas, they share how to grow something and really make it a success. Whereas they go home and they go back to normal life and they don't have vented
that that Okay, what are we growing? What we where's the end game? What are we stepping towards? You day? I think that was interesting on having separate careers. I think it's important to have separate careers, but there's always got to be something that we've got kids, so therefore that brings us together, but we also have we have a podcast, we have other things that were involved in, Like you take an interest in the the app and the online program, so of other things and other visions
and ambitions that we want. So I do think it's important to have separate careers so you get your own thing, but I do think there has to be something when you come back to your husband the wife that you are both growing together, or else you put all your energy and enthusiasm and ambition and ideas into something else with other people. Mm hm, that makes sense.
Yeah, So I think at the end of the day, it would be fun to do something that would be because you've always wanted to dabble in acting stuff. So I think it could be fun to do maybe like a passion project together one time.
Yeah yeah, hey, then the okay, but either thing is good to have you donwn and dependent thing that you either, Oh for sure, yeah, absolutely.
That's why. Like when you said even you wanted to act, it's it feels like, oh man, Like I can see how people maybe don't want their spouses to do, like someone got a lot of heat for not wanting their person to do a podcast, but I can also see how it feels I don't know the right it's like because everyone should be able to do whatever they want, like if you want to act, act, And it's also I went.
To acting school decades before I met.
You, right, but like once and then you it's not like.
Something new that I thought jan as an actress, I can be. I just want to be and I want to be honest, I.
Know, and if that's really something you want to do. And also I don't know, like I can see there's a Pe'm like, this is hard because it's and if you want to start a podcast, i'd like start a podcast, Like I would never tell someone not to but I can also understand how that could be too close to like the same situation kind of intrusive. Well, it's just good. It kind of just makes you go, who And I would never tell someone not to do something if that's
really what they wanted to do. But it's also like this is my thing, this is your like I'm this, you're that. Let's have those two separate identities. Does that make sense?
Absolutely does make sense. But I'll go back to the point that acting is something that I want to do, like twenty years ago, fifteen years ago, right years ago. But I understand. I totally get it. Therapists, the number one thing you should never see in a fight your partner, what's yours?
Well, let's read what this headline says. So the therapist tip of the day was pause before speaking when arguing with your partner. The number one thing you should never say when fighting with the partner is whatever you have the urge to blurt out without taking a beat in the heat of an argument, it's not going to come out well. Smith explained, So I usually check check myself, give myself three seconds, don't fire off when you're in conflict.
She had it, take a break, even if it's just a few seconds, and make a decision about whether it should be said or not, and how you're going to say it, why it matters. You may feel like you're supposed to progress, progress, pass certain conflicts with your partner and get the urge to tell them something to prove your point, but in reality, many of the fights in a long term relationships stay the same over time. Plus research shows a strong correlation between excessive criticism and contempt
toward a partner and eventually separating. So and our therapist also just brought this up the other day about taking a beat and how important that beat is because we can easily, like we said earlier in what we would want to change, is we can easily go to why do you say that to me? Does he think X, Y, and Z, it's like, make a beat. No, he doesn't,
He's probably just stressed or something. And then you can still voice whatever you want a voice, but normally if you take, if you don't take that beat, you're going to say something that comes from a place of anger and not from a place of love.
Your thoughts totally agree, totally agree something.
I shit, you're not the best at it. And I've gotten the way and I've gotten.
Like my ego kicks something. I need to see what I need to say to get the upper hand.
And you and what is so glorious is and I'm not trying to like I will not toot my own horn, but I'm gonna in because I've done so much work to not react and to like take and I and I recogn that in these moments, I'm like, go, Jana, like you got this, and you try to push because exactly, and he gets annoyed that I don't react, and I'm like, I am not going to give you that satisfaction of doing what you're doing. And it pisses plan off so much that I just go and I don't say anything.
And I got to the point though that they will. I was having a body you were having and I commend you were in the gym when I said to you, I'm not getting you to the point where you're going to tell me a funk off. You're like, no, I don't do that.
I really did that and then walked upstairs and then said more shit things, and I'm just like, not, I'm not going to give that, Like you know, I don't respond to that anymore because it does nothing.
It does nothing but cause a bigger argument for what. And I know you and I know how you like poke now to like try to get that. And it's but evenge sometimes you know I have enough. But most times I feel like I've done really well with not and it pisses you off.
Yeah, you agree, that's that.
It's just because I've had a lot of therapy around it, because I also see that it's not gonna nothing. Nothing good is going to come from us both being in a heated place ever, you know, let you have your mood. And I knew it wasn't like me what I asked you that morning. It was it was all you, you know, And I have sudden like I can't. I'm not gonna
like this is not me. He's going through something, yeah, and he's going to do his little Tasmanian Devil's spin and I'm just gonna stay because I'm like, if I join your spin, what does that do for us?
You can't see a couple of Tasmanian devils.
Exactly, And that's not that's not cool. No, that's not We don't do that.
No, we don't.
So I told you I don't.
Okay, well done for being there, the composed one in those moments therapy. Yeah, cuddles.
Wait, but are you gonna like take a beat like be Therabis took a beat this morning.
Okay, I'm not getting into it, but I took a beat this morning. Okay, I took a fairly second beat.
That was my fault. You dealt with something this morning.
Again, No, there was nothing to do with us. See by that take a beat after the incident.
I think another thing too that our therapist said, nothing ever gets resolved in a text message. So when you are angry and the person's like, well I'm living, I'm gonna go to work or whatever there is, you sending a negative or fighting, like, nothing will ever get resolved in a text message if you're fighting. Because every time our therapists will say, oh did this or that, she always goes, she always goes. We'll howd that work out
for you not whoa, so two things. Take a beat and don't send a text.
Yeah, well, breath and you'll be fine. Okay. Cuddles before sleep help take stress out of relationships. A study from Research US in the US has suggested they might. Specifically, it's found than couples who fall asleep well touching be it wrapped around each other are just gently grazing limbs, maybe buffering themselves against stress and quietly bolstering a sense of emotional safety. The researchers recruited one hundred and forty
three couples. You share the bed and home down on a key moment, and the nightly routine sleep on set the drowsy transitional phase just before we drift off.
Basically, it says people in relationships might cuddle as they fall asleep as a way to deal with stressors potentially from both within and outside the relationship. That could help improve sleep, and it could also be good for your brain and your relationship.
So thoughts, Wow, Yeah, it's a big one, because if you initiate the cut, if you initiate the cuddle. Let's say, if I had an argument that day and you're both lying in bed and you initiate the cuddle. And there's a side of that as where you're like, Okay, I'm in the wrong and I'm coming to.
Like you tried last night, yeah, and I'm like.
Can you push my hand away?
No, because you were like your hand was like on top of my chest and I couldn't breathe just take it. It's too heavy. But also like I'm I'm the person too where you can't you can't throw darts all day and then expect me to be like, let's cuddle. You know it was that, but I always know you're there, like we're good, you know what I mean. We just might have some days that's typical, that's normal. But I'm also not gonna have Yeah, but you know, you know
me now to know I'm not. It takes me a second to soften up a bit again, just because I've I have to boulder up to it at times.
Yeah.
So, but I I love the like I don't like going to bed weird, So I'm good with I like a little foot, like a my foot touching your leg.
Well, most nights you fall asleep on my chest.
I'd say fifty percent we're watching TV. Yeah, when we're watching TV, I'll fall asleep on your chest and then you'll snore and then I'll turn over.
Last night night before because we watched laden thing which she was good.
Wow.
So they're asking here if we should try this cuddling and touching for a week. If it helps, and then let's do it. Yeah yes, and like cave your chest then when I hug you.
Let's do it before I go in full menopause. I'm gonna be sweating soon. Here we go, All right, guys chat next week. Hi,