Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio Podcast.
I have a question for you before we get into the topics. Terrified of heights yesterday at the zoo. Yeah, you went up in the zip line. What was the defining moment for you to actually do it? Because you, I mean, you were so afraid of heights that when we walk the pedestrian bridge in Nashville, like you won't even look over the side.
What was two things?
Because I think the first thing, Julie was really really excited to go on it.
Yeah, I knew you weren't going to go on it.
Not a chance.
Now, I knew wasn't going to go on it. So the first thing was not leaving hot disappointed. But also the second.
Wait, that makes me sound like a bad mom.
Now no, no, no.
But the second thing was I wouldn't expect you to go on like you were the head of panic attack.
Well yeah, without a doubt.
Yeah.
The second thing was the choice was going on the zipline or go to the playground section, which would have taken a lot longer.
That was your thought process. I kind of figured that was what it was.
But the first, like Joey was really excited and we will walk and you you were going to have to walk past it. I thought, strap a pair on And.
How scared were you?
Yes?
Scared, because the problem is, if we can get a picture of these chairs, it would be good for the viewers to see this. There is nothing on the side, There's nothing like the chair doesn't come up here. The chair ends at your ass cheek. So when you look to the side, you can see straight down. There's nothing keeping you on there apart from that strap. The seat's not shaped into your body. It was just horrendous, and Joey is.
Like, I can see the city.
I like, I'm not even looking up and keep my eyes fixed in one place. My eyes were fixed on the rhinos.
And the rhinos. Yeah, there's no I mean that feeling brings me back to the Wondree Heal episode when I'm up on the ski lift thing. I mean, it is the most I mean, I almost plunged to the ground in that one, just because I want That's how bad I wanted to get off the ski lift.
Well, the problem is, yeah, well you go up back, We'll get up to the highest point then you and then you stole that from it. I honestly was about a second away from shouting to the guy the fuck up and get it back down the way and.
Let it go.
How long were you it was? It was paused for a second half.
Yeah, it with ten seconds.
Jason, I are just like you got it. Meanwhile, we're like the most scaredy cats of all of it.
Yeah, my boy, it was bruttal. Anyway, I did it for Julie.
There you go topic around backgrounds and how we were raised. So do you think think having well, I'll say this because where we were raised obviously has different do you think I mean, I mean, does it? Does it have different upbringing? I mean I was thinking about that, like a British upbringing, UK upbringing versus an American upbringing? I think, what do you think the biggest differences there.
Are between UK and America upbringings?
Because I'm like, we both played outside we I think I.
Think for starters, I think our upbringings were really similar in terms of working class family. The only the only difference was you experienced divorce in your family when you hit your when you hit your teens, which I didn't. But I think in terms of like culture and earlier the time period was was really similar. I think there was a lot of growing up in a family didn't have loads of expendable income, so being out in the streets playing with your friends.
We grew up in.
We both grew up in neighborhoods where you had your mates around you and stuff, So I think there was a lot of similarities to their upbring I think one of the biggest differences between the UK and in the US is I think, and this is not a slight on the US, but I think growing up in the UK, you're you're almost exposed to a rougher environment like that where I grew up. Well, maybe I'm wrong, because there's loads of parts of the US where people grow up in rough environments.
But do you think I mean, you grew up in Glasgow, so that would probably be equivalent maybe to someone growing up in Detroit. I did grew up in I was a suburb though.
And I was kind of a suburb, Like we were like four or five miles from city center. It's a lot closer to it's a lot closer, but it's still it was still classed as kind of suburban. Really, I don't I don't know what the defining differences would be between growing up in the US and growing up in the UK. I think you grow up in an environment that's a certing class of family and earning capacity and expendable income, and I think those were really similar to
that for our upbringings. Well I don't. I think that's worldwide. I don't think that's between the UK and the US.
Do you ever hear your parents fight?
Yeah? Not a lot by that.
Yeah, there was one time on holiday and Jersey where I heard them fighting that kind of stuck in my mind.
Nine or something.
Yeah, yeah, it's about the age. I mean, I remember fight six on in my house. Those were the fights. Yeah, but my my biggest ones were six and like yeah around at like ten, eleven, twelve, Like when they were nearing divorce. It was like constant. Yeah, I mean, which is why I am so like, when we're about to get in a little tiff, I'm like, nope, I go. I'm like, I I have such a a trigger. I guess with growing up in that toxicity that I'm like, I don't want my kids to feel what I felt
when I was a kid. I mean, my brother and I would be in our room like just hearing it shielding things being thrown, you know what I mean, Like, yeah, no, I was never part of my And we took my brother to college. They're in the hotel room and they have a fan on and they're like screaming, and I'm like, that's not doing anything. You know, I was supposed to mask the noise. I'm like, this is not masking anything.
So it's like I think because of that, that's where it's like, I mean, I'm sure you've noticed like if we it's like I'm like, no, no, no, we're not. We're not getting in any kind of conversation or And I think there's a piece of conflict that I think is good for kids to see, but not a not a
there's no I don't think any need. They can see annoyances and they be like we've had annoyances, right, But I think when it comes to like a fight, I don't think that's ever good for a kid to see that piece of it.
Yeah, absolutely agree, I don't think.
But I've also seen the flip side of that, where it's someone we know, someone who's had an upbringing where everything was always so positive. They never saw any conflict with parents who are being like Hey, I'm sorry, Mommy raised her voice. I shouldn't have done that to you know, to Alan or vice versa. Where people have a such a perfect upbringing that when they fight then in their relationship or marriage, they're like, we're headed for divorce. It's bad.
I mean I do. One of our very close friends had that upbringing where their parents never fought, and so when he started fighting with his wife, he was like, oh, we're headed for divorce. Clearly. It's like no, no, like, it's okay that you guys have conflict, Just don't don't do it in front of the kids, as as you know, the big ones you know, or any of them. I really I just don't like any I just don't like any of it. Like I'm like, I don't And maybe
that's my again, my own, my own stuff. But that's I'm glad you didn't like you said, like, you remember the one that was yeah, yeah, I mean I think, why fight in Jersey like you're on vacation.
It wasn't a fight like nothingnother physical, just verilable, But that one always stuck in my always stuck in my mind, I think because we were all in the same room.
Mm hmm.
But yeah, I think of upbringing similar, but you had to get to deal with a lot more animosity and things than I, that's for sure.
Was there anything that shocked you about my upbringing?
Yeah, and I only held it a couple of weeks ago. What that you got give in the belt?
Oh?
Yeah, that's that actually shocked me?
Really it did. That shocked me even back then in that age.
There's no way my dad, like my dad would have given me the belt. And my dad's quite tough guy and his father was tough. I know my dad got the belt. Yeah, yeah, absolutely know that, but I didn't think it was. And again this might be a us UK thing. And I in my upbringing, in my year of upbringing in the eighties, none of my mates get hit with a belt. None of my other family members got got the belt.
But it seems like.
Actually none of my girlfriends. I don't think that either.
In America like the belt.
Like one of your friends a couple of weeks ago was talking about, like what did they call the stick?
Oh yeah, wouldn't spin I think every well.
I would call it, oh what a touch or something? Yeah, they were called they were called a spachelor like a stick. See that doesn't really Yeah, not a UK think must have been more of a US thing.
Okay, So then I'm going to guess that leads to then you know we've we've already talked about the.
Waitman, it was and it shocked you about how I was raised.
Uh, yeah, I thought that it would probably have been a more disciplined house, just because I know you're dad, and I what I make up of Scotland is just like really tough people, and so I would assume that he would have been more of the just like.
The Yeah, you could like when my dad's when my dad spoke, you listened, right, and when my dad raised his voice, you shit yourself right, Yeah, but you knew how much you could push. You know, you knew when he would lose Losey's temper, and you know it would make him lose his temper.
So yeah, it was.
What do you think you're doing differently that with Roman that you that your parents didn't do or that your parents did do that You're just like, yeah, what is something that you do that you're implementing different into your parenting for Roman?
Well, if you take, if you like, you take my dad who has always been there for me, but really tough and stun and doesn't show his emotions. And then you've got my mum, who has absolutely always been there, but she's the softer one that will listen more and provide a more sympathetic approach.
I think, I think there's.
A bad between in the way that I parent or the way that i'd like to paint. I think there's a balance between both of how my mom raised me and how my dad raised me. I think there's a discipline balance there, but also there's a there's got to be an empathetic software side. So I think I try and kind of split that and split that in half.
That makes sense, I think. I mean, obviously there's like a million different things that I'm trying to do and every day I'm trying to I think it just you know, showing up being the best parents that we can be while learning, and is except what how I may be discipline again, I have to disciplining. All three of them are very different and look very different because of the
different ages they're at. What works for Jase doesn't work for Jolie, and what works for Jolie well, you know, and then there's just Roman.
So do you feel you're more patient with the Roman than what you were with with Jolie and Jase. Now that you're nearly ten years down the lane, you've got ten years experience in parentcy.
I do think I'm more patient with Roman, yeah, because I'm kind of used to. And we talked about this on wine down this week where it was like, I'm I get the where he's at in the stages, Like I know what's coming. I'm scared of what's coming age wise, But you're scared with Roman, No, Like well at times, yes, but the no, I'm not scared of them, but you know, I know kind of what's what's to come, and I'm trying to enjoy each stage of it. But sometimes it
can be challenging, right, But I do. I do find that I have more patients with Roman for sure.
Yeah.
Either yeah, well, I think that just also comes with age too, And I think that's same thing like with my dad. Again, I'd say this, I've said this before, like how he was to me, Like I know for a fact, he's never did the belt or anything else like to my other two sisters, you know, like his patients with them like he had they we have, we have, we had two different dads essentially growing up, I had the angrier you know man that was like in his affairs,
and they had a very patient, a more patient father. Like, Yes, he still has that like peace in him at times. I'm sure, I don't. I don't know, I'm not there, but I'm sure it was there at times, But there are It's a two different and as I'm sure with you, it's like you as you get older, as you learn and grow and get older, I think that patient's piece
is just different. And where you would have have been different with your son back in the day to Roman now, like, I'm sure you're more patient with him, either because of the things that you've done in the past or because of just I think there is a patience that comes with age.
Yeah, there's also a wisdom, Yeah, that comes with the that you gain more clarity on your own self awareness and how you should behave Like a few days for example, a few days ago, Roman scratched my nose and my face and then slapped me.
And we talked to them, and.
It took every ounce of my patients to not react in a way that I would regret at five minutes later.
Yeah, And I was said to you. I was like, he's two, he's almost two, you know, like deep breaths and through your nose out through your mouth. You know, he doesn't. The thing's like they don't know. They're trying to communicate, and I think now knowing that, like it's you know, they don't know, they don't know what they
don't know? Right like this poor sweet soul has been on this planet for only nineteen months, like not knowing what to do or how to do, Like we are teaching him what to do, and you know, it's it can be maddening at times, but there is patience to go. We are molding and helping create this you know, little nineteen month old to you know, to know what's right and wrong and eventually it'll click. It hasn't, but it will,
you know. And it's just it's that patience and that repeat, repetitness, repeat to repeat that because I always say, you know, why why retaliate with anger or or physical because then that just shows them? What does that show them?
Yes, you can give some the wrong message.
Yeah like what like that? That that that that's okay. And again I'm not saying I fell into abusive situations because of that like my path. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying my dad abused me, but that was just like what he knew that he knew them passed down and it's like then you learn and it's like, what did that teach me? Like, oh, okay, that was okay, it's not it was it's like the whole, the whole like spectrum with it, my mom watching it, that showed
that that was okay, that she stay. It's like the all of it, the fighting, it was okay, it's not okay.
And it's it's strange because Roman is and this goes back to your dad's situation. Well some love, but Roman is getting a more patient version of me with more wisdom on and life and experiences and stuff, whereas Troy got the twenty six year old professional football that was really focused on his career and probably was a bit too selfish and and parented at that point pretty probably
a little bit like my dad mhm. But then now Roman's getting a balance of probably my my mom and my dad within within my parent thing, but more so my dad.
But I think though too, like it's to give yourself like you only knew what you knew then yeah, like I only knew what I knew when I was you know, raising Joli and then and then having too, like that's something new too, and so I had to adjust like
my patients with having too. And it's like I think in every stage, you just you know more and it's okay, like you're you're learning, just as we're learning how to do three in a new marriage and any like different careers and it's all just a piece of having patients for everything around and going back to what you know you've implemented in your mornings. What's Yes, things are crazy, there's a lot going on, you know, moss from bowls
are flying all over the place. Like there's a lot going on in the house with the three kids and you and the me and the careers all the things. But there's a where does it go back to, like what's the you know, the grateful stuff that you're doing in the morning and going all right, this is this is this is the good and this is like this is the beautiful chaos of it all, like I love this, We're not going to have this and.
Other I want to be said a couple of years yeah, other one I was saying, setting on us swinging chairs on the porch in the lake house and barely time regretting. How we manage this stage? Yeah, with joy, you, with warm, the joely of Jason, and with our marriage. Yeah so yeah, but again we are in different phase of a life, so we're managing the marriage differently. Moved the marriage, manage the other managers when we're paying anything different because of experience.
So to all, the mama's data is relationship. Y'all are doing great. Yeah, keep on going and send in your topics. Go to the wind down page. Any topics you want Alan and I to discuss, send them on over and it'll be on your next adult education