WHY AM I BEING SO NEEDY?

I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming.

She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of my kissing.

Style with a boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's in a trash bin. He's non recyclable, catching her up.

I love being love. I love love.

On today's episode of Where's Your Head At, we are looking at codependency in relationships and being clinging.

Stay tuned to hear what our thoughts are on each other being clingy, and what the cur is to stop being so needy.

Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.

This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, intimate details, advice, and much more.

Okay, welcome back everyone to Where's Your Head At.

I'm Anna, I'm Matt, and we just want to start off today by touching on last week's episode that we did with Olivia and Jackson from mass Yeah.

I mean, firstly, we're gonna start by saying the level of trolling that they got on their platforms but also on our social media was so eye opening. Matt and I have never seen that level of trolling before, and it was honestly overwhelming.

I was actually speechless, so I still am. Like I remember looking at my phone the morning after we posted the stuff, and I was just I was gobsmacked.

I think the thing with trolling is we have to remember it's a really small percentage of people that troll, like less than five percent of people. The majority of people are sane and level headed. But I think when you see like this enormous amount of trolling, whether it be Olivia and Jackson or someone else, that's kind of getting a bit of heat. I think you have to

Did you find that like a lot of it was people like jumping on a bandwagon. They're all ganging up and getting together and like, do you know what I mean? It was a pack mentality almost, yeah.

For sure. So like people would see a few hate comments and then they jump on board or they like a comment. If they're not brave enough to say something because they realize how spiteful and evil it is, and like, look, we get why people feel this way. We watched the show too. We both had very strong opinions watching Olivia and Jackson, and I mean even Jackson said if he saw Olivia and how she acted, he wouldn't want her to teach his kids as well. So, I mean, we're

The show or even on social media. We're against bullying.

Here and we've been anti bullying from day one. We've spoken about it with many of our guests, including Michael Theo, who spoke a lot about even he was getting online abuse, which just blew my mind. And I think it's important to point out that that there's a difference between having an opinion and trolling. Like everyone is entitled to have

Look, we started this podcast because we wanted to be able to tell and hear from people that we found interesting, and we obviously thought that their story was interesting, like thousands of people do that have listened and tuned into our podcast. It's an interesting story about what they went through. So everyone has the right to be heard. So that's why we got them on the podcast. Look, we don't think what they're saying is true or lies. It's theirpy.

The producers four side scenario.

Yeah, you got me there. So there's four sides to a story in this one, and we just wanted to hear their side and let them tell their side. And we're not siding with them, We're not against them. We're just Switzerland in the middle, neutral, all right. And on a positive note, your ten is looking amazing. That isn't any That isn't fake. That's real, isn't it?

That is right? I mean to be honest, I feel like I could use a bit of a fake tan.

She loves her tan. So how was Bali?

It was amazing? Like it was super fun. Bali seems to be getting back to normal after the pandemic, which is great. We stayed in Changu for the majority of the time and it was super fun, like there was people everywhere. It's pretty busy there. It's very warm, and Bali the summer shining were the COVID restrictions on getting in, it was fine, Like, it was super easy to get there, way easier than Thailand, easier than going to the UK.

So is that what he wants to get a tattoo of your name?

I don't think he'd get a tattoo of my name. But he was like, fuck it, we're on holiday, We're in love. He was feeling the holiday romance, so he was like, let's get Anna Hannah tattooed on my ankle. Anyway, he's had this tattoo now for a week. It's really like very badly done. That's okay, Like he wasn't expecting it to be good.

Sorry. How long does a hen and tattoo last for? I've seen people with it on their hands and that, Like.

I think normally like two weeks. I could be wrong, but I think around two weeks, like no longer than a month.

Okay, So he's got two weeks to decide if this is what he wants or not.

It's definitely not what he wants. But he noticed that it started to get darker and he's like, why is it getting darker? And like when the tattoo was being applied or put on, the guy was using this really sharp, pointy tool that was kind of like spiky, and Michael was like, huh, hold on a second, like it's.

A real tattoo twist.

So anyway, I posted it on my Instagram being like ha ha ha. Michael thinks this could be a real tattoo, like loll jokes whatever. Anyway, then my DMS fully blew up. People were like, I got a henna tattoo and Bali when I was seventeen. I'm now thirty and still have it. All of these horror stories, and I was like, surely not like number one, the tattoo looks like trash. It was actually messed up like three times, like it was not well put on anyway. It just it can't be real,

A month from now it's still there. Two months from now, we're reporting back and it's still there.

There's so many stories of people having these Hannah tattoos from Bali for like ten years, and I'm just like, wow, this is too much. But then people have also told me stories where the ink from Bali has actually burnt their skin and so then they're actually left with a scar in the shape of like whatever hennah tattoo they got.

So if you.

Google this, honestly, like it's very traumatizing. So Michael's going through a lot of trauma right now. He's like, you know what, I love you so much, but.

Like, you know, I can't have this. This is not the.

Tattoo I would have gotten for you.

All right, So if you guys are going to get matching tattoos, what are you looking at getting.

There's a few options going around, Like Michael calls me his little English rose because my dad's English, so he was thinking of getting a rose, and I was thinking of getting like this little Greek symbol. We were thinking of getting Always, both of us getting Always tattooed. There's lots of different kind of ideas being thrown around, but at this stage that's being held on pause because Michael could potentially have Anna marked on his skin for life.

As well to get done. Oh no, so apart from Michael's I'm not gonna say average, but his questionable tattoo that he's ended up getting of your name, how's the rest of your holiday?

It was really fun, Like we went whitewater rafting. If you're going to Bali, I would highly recommend it. It was super fun and we just kind of chilled out. It was really nice, not doing too much and just really kicking back and relaxing. Me and Michael, We're like, oh my god, we've become so codependent, Like, how has this happened? Because we just love spending time together. So I think we're going to talk about codependency in relationships in this episode next.

And before we start today's topic, would you call yourself clinging or codependent? Because I know what i'd call you, but I'll let you say it first.

Look, if I really like someone, yeah, Like, I think I do get a little bit codependent, and it is something that I have noticed in past relationships and something that I've actually tried to do a lot of work on. Like I kind of swore to myself after my last relationship because obviously we were in a lockdown together, and I mean lockdowns just breed codependency.

I did.

Yeah, But yeah, I think after that I kind of saw to myself that I would make sure that I really kept my independence and sense of self. But am I clinging?

Yeah?

Like when you're in love, I think it's hard not to be clinging.

Yeah, i'd have to say you're quite clingy, I know, if I am to be honest. But aren't we all a little bit like you said, when we're in love?

Like I was about to say, Matt, you're so cling you.

Mean, I know, I get like a little bit annoyed if you're not answering me quick enough of texting me back. But that's I find that that's more like is it? Would you say separation anxiety? Almost in a way. Yeah, I get that a little bit, like if it's like a big day, you're too far away from each other.

How are you going to go?

Well, one of them, she won't have her phone on her so why she's doing a trail through the Northern Territory for charity, So she's not going to have her phone for seven days.

How are you gonna survive? My phone going to be blowing up that way?

I said. I hope her twin sister, Nikki is ready for me to be blowing her phone off asking her to get coffee with me. I actually I actually went up behind Gen when we're talking about it. I was like, would Nikky care if I did this to her like cuddled and she's like, yeah, I should tell you to fuck off.

Yeah, fair enough, And.

I was like, yeah, fair enough.

Yeah, I think i'd definitely call you a little bit codependent Matt. And I think even in our relationshipling sometimes like have you seen my text? I'm like, you've literally messaged me on three different group chats, Matt, I don't know.

Which one this morning.

Yeah, I'm telling that story because it literally happened this morning.

So what is the definition of codependency?

Okay, so codependency is putting your partner's needs and desires before your own every single time or majority of the time. Your happiness and mood is generally based around how they're feeling. So like, I don't know about you, but when I first start seeing someone, and this is how I know I'm quite clinging or a little bit codependent. When I first start seeing someone, they start to kind of consume

It says that your mood generally based around how they're feeling. I find myself really sensitive to energies, and I know you do as well. So if my partner is feeling like down or annoyed or pissed off about something, I honestly let it, like fully, like you said, consume me, and like I'm like, well, it puts me in a mood, and I'm like, well, how do I get you out of this mood? And like I've been with partners, I just want like five minutes to relax and then they

Yeah, because I guess, yeah, it affects your energy, but that's something you probably need to learn and probably need to give her five minutes and she'll come back to me.

Yeah, well, let's not get down that rabbit hole. Yeah.

So, like, obviously you admittedly are quite clingy, codependent, needy, whatever you want to call it, but you told me the other day that you and jen had recently done this thing where you've stopped talking during the day. Do you want to talk me through that?

Okay? So obviously Jenning myself living together now, so we found that when we got home, we'd obviously spoken all day about stuff. So, like, if you think about it, we have like all these different threads going So we have like a TikTok thread and Instagram thread and like sometimes an email from forwarding her emails that she needs to read like text message. So we're like all these different conversations going on that. Once we get home, we're just like, well, yeah, you told me that. Yeah, we

Did you find yourself like going to text her to tell her things and then you're like, damn, I'm not allowed.

Yeah, And then I would write it in notes. So then when we got home, we're there with our notes and just reel off everything to each other.

Recap her on your day, make sure she hasn't missed out on anything.

I'm like, and then I got my third coffee. And then because we send a lot of photos of what we're doing during the day, so i just bombarded her phone with all the photos and I'm like, this is like this has become a show and te now. So we send her all the photos and then reading through the notes. If you look at the photo of this, this is when I saw a duck. Yeah, so we've acted that. We're just trying to now keep the talking

Matt needs a bit of training.

Yeah, I'm stressing.

I know that. Michael and I like this is how codependent we are. We sometimes text each other and we're literally in the same house. Like he'll be like, Okay, I'm gonna go do some work, or he'll be like on his laptop and he'll just be like love you.

So, I mean, you know, that's the first time I've heard of that.

Have you got do you guys not do that? No? I was just walking walk in and say hey.

Yeah, yeah, that was out of nowhere that was not on the brief Sugar that story. That's cute though in a way.

Yeah, I think it's cute. Like we're both like busy doing works. Then he'll just like I'll just get like a random message from him, and.

Then I'm like, oh, that's really sweet he thought about me. Do you guys send like photos to each other, like selfies or photos of what you're doing in that?

Yeah, but like not when we're in the same house that we'd have to be separated to do that.

You know that every time before we start shooting, I send a selfie to gen Yeah, I know, And then I ended up putting that in my story. Yeah, yeah, and say like the link below. Yeah, but that's what we do. We do that sort of stuff and send each other selfish Yeah.

Have you witnessed codependency.

I'd say in my I wouldn't say I have been codependent. There's obviously been a previous relationship where they tried to control me, my finances, what I did, and all that sort of stuff. But I sort of fought back on that one.

You kind of fought for your independence.

Yeah, I fought for my independence, Like I was like, give me a bit of space, like I'm a grown man, like I can do what I want to do. Yeah, I've seen mates that are like pretty codependent on their missus. I know, I've got a really good made of mind who I think is and he'd say he is as well. Yeah, I realized on her to cookies dinner, like get his like morning breakfast for him and all that sort of stuff.

Is it a bad thing though? I don't know.

I think that's a fine line. So, like I would say, if you can't do it for yourself and you're getting them to do it, and like it's actually like your girlfriend's taking time out of their day and it's pushing there, like yeah, like it's impacting them, then it's a situation. But if they've got time, like you say, you're working, like and they're at home to cook dinner or do something like that, so be it. I think.

Yeah, Well, look, let's talk about how being codependent is detrimental to other aspects of your life.

Next. Anna, you've told me a lot about guys who have become codependent quickly in relationships. What is the craziest codependency story you have.

It's funny you asked this because the craziest codependency story that I actually have is with someone who I don't know and have never met.

They got codependent on you.

Yeah, how bizarre. No, So basically I had this guy. He was in my message request section. So obviously on Instagram, I have primary messages and I have general messages, and then the request messages are from people who I don't follow that might send me through a message and I can read it and they won't know that I've read it. Anyway, there was this guy that just kept popping up there

Have you heard from since that breakup message?

Not once. So it's crazy because that person was so codependent on me, and I guess, like I hate to say it, but we're very deluded and delusional about the relationship that they thought we had. And yeah, I got broken up with with someone who I've never met, never seen, and yeah, it was wild.

It does remind me. Actually I had a similar situation, if not the same. I had this girl that kept messaging me, and like you said, like every story I put up it was like it was personally sent to her. Yeah, and like she would even send me like photos of her, like selfies of her, like wish what she was doing during the day, what she was having for dinner, and it was in my request and I was just like, oh, okay,

Wow, how crazy, I know.

It's Yeah, obviously they've got some, like you said, diluted thoughts that we were with them.

And look, obviously these people have a real lack of understanding of reality, and so I guess they have probably some mental health issues. So we're definitely not making fun of them. But that lack of understanding and that extreme code pair was just super interesting to witness.

All Right, let's take a look at the signs that would make an individual codependent. After reading this, Anna, I was a bit like, oh, actually, maybe I am a little bit more codependent than I think. There's someone in there that stood out like a sore thumb. So we'll go through them.

Okay. So the first one is they normally measure their self worth on how others perceive them, so like they want to feel really needed and cared for.

They overapologize and will admit they're wrong to keep the peace. The old fashioned saying goes happy wife, happy life, and yeah, live or die. By that, I reckon.

They usually need a lot of approval from other people in their life, and they have this massive fear of rejection.

They feel guilty when they do something for themselves, like say, by themselves a gift, or practice some self care, or even go see their friends.

This one's a big one. They normally accept a heavier workload to earn praise and admiration for those around them, and interestingly, they also like the feeling of lightning someone else's workload or burden.

They don't feel like they can say no, and we'll do things they don't want to do to make others happy.

They normally idolize their partners and will make a point of maintaining relationships even if they are unfulfilled.

Yeah, that's a big one. I think that we've all been everyone's been there at one stage with their life.

Yeah, for sure. But like Matt, let's talk about codependency and then interdependency because there is a difference and one is a lot healthier than the other.

So what is a happy medium then?

Okay, So interdependency has partners depending on each other for support in a really healthy way. You're available to support your partner, but not at the cost of all self worth and the expense of your own needs and well being. So I guess you're kind of setting boundaries in relationships, which we've spoken about many times before is so important to do super early on. And I guess with interdependency you have set those really healthy boundaries.

And I think if your partner doesn't accept those boundaries that you've set and how you want to do your own thing, then that's not healthy on their behalf, is it.

Yeah? And I think like when you do set healthy boundaries, it just basically means that you're communicating your own needs and desires and asking for support when you find yourself struggling It just makes your life easier and it means that your needs are really getting met.

All Right, So a listener is listening to this and they want to know how to become more independent in their relationship. How would they go about doing that?

Okay, So the first thing, which we've advocated for many times is go to Corple's counseling. It's super insightful and it's really great to get tools from an outside party who can look at your relationship in a really impartial way.

This one I think I can relate to as well, practice self care and get used to spending time alone. Yeah. The other night, Jen was going out for a drink to their friends and I dropped her off and I was like, oh, I was like, what am I going to do tonight? Like, you know, like normally we sit down and watch like a TV show or a movie together.

Yeah.

I went and picked myself up a large meat lover's pizza they made in bed, and watched two movies that I've been hanging to watch out that I know Jen doesn't like horror movies. I'm a massive horror fan myself, So I watched two horror movies. I had the best night of.

My life, self care.

Yeah, a couple of red wines. I was feeling I was feeling great.

This is another one. Pick up a hobby or focus on your own interests. Michael plays basketball every Tuesdays. That's something that he loves to do. And when I know that he's going to play basketball, it gives me time to really focus on myself and do some me things. And then I also have other hobbies that I like to do, and then he has some more independent time as well.

Well. Learn how to form healthy boundaries in your relationship. We touched on that before. That's just given, like everyone has to have boundaries in a relationship.

And then finally spending time with supportive family members or friends. I think this is a big one that because a lot of people fall into this trap and relationships where they push their friends and family to the side and they lose those really close bonds in relationships.

Another thing on that is I feel like you should keep like, yes, it's great to introduce your partner to your friends and your family, but like you should keep your friend, not like keep them separate, but like have it so your friends groups don't intertwine. I feel like because when you break up that can make it messy as well. So you should be able to like a guy should be able to go hang out with these mates, and like a girl should go out to hanging out

Yeah, like obviously there's you know, everyone has different situations. Then, like sometimes people meet in friend groups and we get that. But yeah, like I do get kind of what you're saying. I think it's important for everyone to kind of intertwine and spend time together and get along. But then yeah, as you said, it's nice to have boys nights and maybe Jen to have girls' nights, Me to have girls nights,

I know when you do go out for a boys night, like the one thing you want to do is just get home and cuddle. Speaking from experience, something nice. Just want to get home. You can't like to get home and give Jenna Bie cuddle.

So ah, that's really cue. Okay, we've spoken a little bit about how we think we could be codependent, but are we really codependent? Or are we just clinging.

I've said before I think you're clinging, Anna, and you said you think I'm clinging, So let's see what we are actually.

Okay, guys, we are doing a new segment of our podcast every week from now on. It's called Where's Our head At?

This is exciting Anna.

We're gonna ask you guys to write in to get involved in our podcast, to be more integrated in everything we do. We want to hear from you. We want to know your stories, and we are going to include some of them in our podcast.

All right, We're going to put question boxes on our social media stories, so make sure you keep a look out for them and fill them in with your stories. We look forward to hearing from you.

If your responsors are too long, then send us a DM and we might feature you in our podcast.

So we appreciate all your stories, so make sure they come in. Love you, guys, Love you guys.

Okay. So one of the people from our wares our head At fam has written into us and said, Yup, I pull away from being affectionate because I never get words of affection and barely get compliments, never gotten I love you, so I just never put out affection anymore because I don't get it. I'm a loyal people pleaser. Don't speak up because he thinks I'm crazy. It really hurts.

So she's saying that he doesn't give affection and when she does ask for affection, he calls her crazy.

Yeah, this guy sounds not great.

For one. I'll start by saying you should never call your partner crazy and should always validate their feelings no matter what it is. If you disagree with it or agree with that, you should always say, well, how do we work through this? How do I make you feel validated?

Yeah? Look, as we've said many times on this podcast, it sounds like there's not a lot of boundaries in your relationship, and I think it's time to be open and honest. If this person doesn't appreciate you for who you are, maybe they're not your person and they're not worth being with.

Sounds hard to hear, but sometimes you've got to hear the truth.

Yeah, And look, I think validation and approval is important in any relationship, and I think if you're not getting that in your relationship, it's time to really take a look and really ask yourself if that's where you want to be if you're staying with someone just to be a people pleaser, it's just not a good enough reason.

In my opinion from experience, nice guys get taken advantage of. So I don't know what length of a nice person or nice guy you're being, but I don't want to say it, but I suggest getting a backbone and sticking up for what you believe in and stay true to yourself.

Thank you so much to everyone who has written in and given us their stories. We're going to be doing a segment of Where's Our Head At for our Where's Your Head At Family every single episode from now on, so make sure when you see those question boxes on our socials get involved. Send us dms and we would love to get you involved in our podcast.

Hey guys, until next time. You heard it here First, Anna is the more clingier one than me?

Absolutely not. It's definitely that.

Bye.