It is actually weird that when you think about it, some of you, you know, you may be the best friend when you're older, like and you're about to pass away, you might not have met yet.
Oh that's a bit deep.
It's very brief.
Yeah, Where's your Head At? Is a podcast that talks full things. Right, hold on a sec, let's give this a refresh. Hi, I'm Anna.
And I'm Matt, and we are now too newlywed not to each other. Just a female and male best friend here for the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Times and exploring adulthood, family relationships, dilemmas.
And whatever else we have the mental capacity to deal with.
Come get the lowdown.
This is your male and female perspective.
So, Matt, where's your head at? It's good morning? How are you now?
I'm good Anna? How are you today?
Matt? I was arguing over who's more time? I'm pregnant?
Does that mean you're tired? Though?
Yeah? I feel like I literally wake up in the morning and my whole body is aching all over. I've also been having some round ligament.
Pain and you were just talking about this. Talk us through what that means.
So it's basically just a pregnancy symptom when the tummy's growing, when the baby's growing. And I've just been getting these shooting, sharp pains in my lower kind of mid tummy area, so much so that because I haven't really had that before, I was thinking maybe I would need to go to a hospital. I don't know, so I've been calling memob anyway. It's all fine, it's normal. It's around ligamit pain. But yeah, just one of the many fun things about pregnancy. But I'm more tired than you.
So your belly is obviously growing, yeah, the baby, And is that what's hurting that it's growing outwards? I think So, I don't know anything about being pregnant. I don't know anything about having babies. Probably never will, so you'll have to explain to me more in detail about that. I
guess like what that means, but you don't know. So next topic, No, And I think that I woke up the other day in a lot of pain as well, maybe not as much as you being pregnant, but I went and trained down at the local club Assie Rules you did.
How was that?
I was nervous? I haven't been or I haven't played football in probably ten years. Nineteen was the last time. I Yeah, I retired when I was nineteen, actually retired. Yeah, like there hung the votes up at nineteen. That was my last time. So yeah, exactly ten years.
Wow.
I did not think when I stopped playing then that ten years later I will take it again in the Gold Coast, on the Gold Coast.
Ten years later, you'd come out of retirement on.
The Gold Coast to play. Did not think, Well, I've had less I jumped to too much. I've only had one training session. I don't know, like if I will fully commit to playing, I'd love to. I feel like I even fitted straight into that culture straight away, like you know, with all the boys. I loved it, and I needed to make some mates as well. Off on the goal, well I need you. I've got friends. But like I guess you'd go in twice a week to training, playing on the weekend.
I think it's really nice because obviously you've been I'm not gonna say worried, but you've been a bit like maybe in the dumps. Would you say about the fact that you know, you don't have as many friends up there, and you're such a social guy, and so the fact that you've gone out of your way in this new state that you've moved to, and you've really put yourself out there and joined the local footy club. I think, good on you.
How good I am proud of myself because I did think to myself. I remember speaking to tamming'smum before I left, and I was like, I don't know, like, yeah, I was a bit nervous. I was like, oh, I don't know how they're going to go, like how I'm going to go talking to people. But as soon as I got there introduced myself to the coach, he was nice. He actually came up swinging. He was like a have to be spoken. He's like, I've actually just just clicked who you were and I was like oh yeah, and
he goes, yeah, my wife loved that show. I mean I dabbled in it and I thought you're funny or something. And then he's like, oh you laugh. I did, And then I was like oh right, and he's like, let's not tell the other boys about that that I watched it or Anything's like let's keep down, like and I laughed and I was like oh okay, but yeah, I had a kick. I pulled up so sore did you. I that's the one thing that I realized how unfit I actually was.
The body just doesn't recover this same.
Not when you're nearly thirty, not like I did when I was nineteen. So I'll keep training and I'll see how I go, see if I play a game or two.
Did you make any friends?
I mean I didn't follow or at anyone on Facebook, so I didn't make those sort of friends. But I made Yeah, like I was mate. I hung out with people and laughed, and.
You would like if you went back, you would want to hang out with them again, so they could be potentially friends.
I could have potentially made friends. Who would have thought?
Do you know what's so funny is I potentially made friends too recently?
How do you manage that? At a baby thing? Yeah?
So I I went to I've Joined Bump, which is a pregnancy pilates kind of class, and I went into the class, and I don't know, sometimes I get a bit shy going into new environments, new classes, so I kind of just kept to myself. And this girl called Jess was like, hey, like how are you? And like we spoke and I made.
A new friend. Did you follow her at her?
On Facebook because I didn't know her last name.
Did you have another class?
Did I?
What? Do you have another class where you?
Yeah, I'm going to go again. I've been going a couple of times, but I haven't seen her sands. But I've literally called Michael after the class and I was like, I think I made a new friend, and he was like, oh my god.
Wow, Jess, if you're listening to this, please reach out to Anna. She wants to be friends.
I want to be friends. No.
It's funny you say that, though, because my mum's best friend she met in mother's group. Yeah, and then she's like my auntie.
And it's so interesting because I feel like a lot of your initial friends you make at school, primary school or high.
School playing football.
If you're Matt Zukowski, you're playing for me.
No, I'm talking about my best man. And I've met playing footy when I was like nine years old.
Yeah. Yeah, So you like meet them in these earlier stages of your life. So it's so funny that I've come onto the podcast today being like, we made a friend.
It is actually weird that when you think about it, some of you, you know, may be the best friend when you're older, like and you're about to pass away. You might not have met yet.
Oh fuck, that's a bit deep.
It's a very.
But no, it is quite exciting to know. And like you said, like your mum's best friend she met at mother's group. That's exciting to me because every I guess they place you into a mother's group with people they look at the map and everyone who's given birth in the area recently and like pair you with people who are living in a close vicinity to you. So it's cool that I could be placed into a mother's group with people really connect, really get along, and potentially have
a new friend for life. I love having saying friends like there's only one one place about my friend my.
Mum and Betty also had there was another girl and they all lived in the same court together and in the same mother's group. But anyway, what I'm trying to say is that you're going to make new friends. And I'm now making new friends making new friends as so happy for that. While speaking of new friends, Anna Tammy and I have made a new friend called Patrick.
Okay, elaborate color. You don't know more, you know, I do want to know more. I'm just confused. So I haven't heard of Patrick.
Patrick is a made up mystical person roommate if you must, and he lives with Tammy and I, and we blame everything on him that happens. So, for instance, we will say, ah, babe, Patrick keeps leaving his bikinis in the bathroom, and she'll be like, oh okay, or she'll like, Matt Patrick doesn't make the bed in the morning, you know I mean, And then we blame Patrick for all this sort of stuff to make it less.
Guys against the problem. That is literally the couple against the problem.
It is, isn't it? And Patrick's a fucking problem, isn't he? God damn it? Patrick.
I do really like that idea of like placing the blame on this made up, metaphorical, mystical annoying.
Oh he is so annoying, trust me. So I recommend if you and Michael want to introduce Patrick to the relationship.
Does it have to be called Patrick. It's kind of funny if everyone's is called Patrick.
It is kind of funny. And Patrick having to say she doesn't she wants to pick a new name. But I was like, I like Patrick.
Patrick's funny. It just rounds me with SpongeBob squa.
I was about to say that, yeah, or Patrick Dempsey.
Well, you have a new friend called Patrick and we have both made new friends in our thirties, So it is possible to not feel disconnected. And that is what we are talking about in today's episode. Let's get into it.
So, a lot of relationships and Anna because one of them, or either of them fear he was trying to put my serious voice on then, and you see the way I'm sitting very serious into this mic.
You've got like a shoulder off or something.
I feel like someone strange sitting stands this would be more serious. I feel like a lot of relationships break up because one of them feels disconnected from the other one. Would you agree?
Yeah? I literally say the words to Michael. I feel disconnected over the smallest of issues, and it drives him insane, Like he hates it when I say that.
What does he reply with?
Well, Michael would say why do you feel disconnected? And then I'll be like, well, blah blah blah blah blah blah. Michael does hate it because he's like it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong, or.
You know, like how often would you say you feel.
Disconnected often, But I think I said it more like the start of the relationship. But I didn't really know that it was affecting him much. But now he's spoken to me about it, and he's like, I really hate it when you say that. Like the thing is with relationships as well, there's gonna be ebbs and flows. Like of course, you know, me and Michael are at our peak when we're on holidays, which is why I love being on holiday with him, because we're so in love.
We give each other our full attention. Whereas I feel like when we're at home, we're working constantly. You know, you spend a lot of time on your phone if you work on your phone like me, So I feel like that kind of like plays into it. Like I I'm not just on my phone on Instagram or TikTok or whatever it is. I'm for my business talking to manufacturers constantly. We do meetings via zoom on our phone. For the podcast, I do content on my phone. I
edit things on my phone. Like it's just constant. So my screen time is through the roof time. I actually don't know, I don't know how to look at it, and I'm glad I don't.
Because I'm scared to love for everyone.
No, I don't want to see it.
All right, So my daily average last week was three hours and fifty eight minutes, with a total screen time of seven hours and fifty six minutes.
So you're on your phone for about four hours a day.
Yeah right.
I actually hate sharing this because it makes me feel so shit and it is annoying, but I guess it's the reality. My daily average was six hours and one minute, and my total screen time for the week was twelve hours and four minutes.
And not one of those times you could have called me back.
I call you all the time. We seek on the phone too much as it is.
I'm kiddy, no, but I think, like, no wonder Michael feels disconnected?
One who said it? Not ah No, But I think it's it is worth taking into consideration that we both work on our phones a lot. So not that I'm trying to make excuses for myself, but I think today we're going to talk a lot about feeling disconnected and how phones are getting in the way of not just relationships but friendships, and what we can do to kind of fix and help this. Okay, on average, how many times do you think that smartphone you through unlock their phones per day?
Oh, a day, five hundred.
Not as many as any, but I mean it's still a lot. Fifty times a day. And it's so funny. I don't know if you've ever done this, but have you ever moved your apps around, like your main apps, like your Instagram or your email or whatever. And it's so your brain will automatically go to the place that it wants to go, just subconsciously without you even realizing.
Oh, the amount of times that I've locked my phone and it was on the other slide of the apps that was on that side, and then I've unlocked it and gone on to where like, oh.
So you're saying, if there's like two screens of apps, you've been a second screen, you've gone to the first scree it.
And the times I've opened Medibank Private instead of like where my Instagram is.
Killer, Yeah, And I mean it does affect your relationships. Do you sleep with your phone beside your bed? No, you don't. Where do you sleep with your phone?
I've said this before on the podcast, and I'm very I don't like having a phone next to me on the bed. Or on the bedside table. I think it gives out rais do you know what I mean, like toxic stuff. I don't want to say, like it doesn't give you. I don't know, there's no Yeah, I'm worried about it. I remember some doctor when we did we put up a real of that, and some doctor debunked it and said, I have no proof of that.
Because we said that Matt. Matt said that he sleeps with aeroplane mode.
No, no, I don't sleep with airplane mode. I sleep with it on the ground or not next to my head or on my pillow because I don't like.
You think that you could get radiation radiation.
Yeah, And then this guy who.
Was a doctor, well, I don't know if you can go doctor.
He was a.
Doctor, was he?
I think so? And he was like, I have no evidence on this and I and I was like, I said, I'm saying to you. I was like, I'm not claiming to have any evidence of this. I'm just saying that's just my personal preface.
What you do. I've heard people say that if you put your phone on aeroplane mode, it gives out less radiation. But again, we have to look at the scientific evidence on it. Well, I thought this was interesting. Seventy one percent of smartphone owners sleep with the phone directly beside their bed. That's a lot, and check their phone whilst using the bathroom, which I think is quite low.
That is quite low. I really enjoy going to the bathroom and on your phone on my phone and just doom scrolling.
So how long would you sit on the toilet for?
My legs will go.
Legs until the legs go numb.
And then you're like, yeah, you don't get that luxury these days, and you'll realize that in a couple of months. You don't get that. Yeah, but what I do? I have noticed I've done this and I'm trying not to. I'm going to the bathroom standing up like I for a pee. I'll pull my phone out and I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? I don't need to be doing that. Yeah, and I'll put it away. I have seen myself do that a couple.
Of times, especially for boys, because you stand up while we it's like, really like you should not leave a lot of hands.
Yeah, I know my mates that have pulled it out and dropped it into the toilet. Yeah, I've done that and I'm like, I shouldn't do this. In case I do that, don't do that.
Okay, So obviously I think we're all pretty addicted to our phones.
Who are you calling addicted?
No, but right, like we're all addicted.
The first steps emitting it.
Yeah, I can definitely admit it. My screen time is two hours more than yours a day, which is pissing me off.
Lost because you do it for work?
No, I know, but it does. Actually being on your phone all the time has really significant health impacts, negative health impacts. So let's talk about that.
What are some of the health impacts that being on your phone all day might have for you?
Okay, So disrupted sleep is a big one, especially if you're on your phone before bed. It's really exciting your brain and giving it lots of dope for being before bed as opposed to I don't know if you've ever read a book before bed. I literally will fall asleep so quickly.
As opposed to be it's so boring.
No, but no, because it's just like I'm taking the information and then I get so sleepy and it kind of like puts me to sleep, and I go to.
A nice do you fall asleep with the TV on. No, yeah, no, Tammy guys. Really yeah, she has to have it on, so it's like it's my pet. Hay. I really don't like falling sleep with the TV on. I can't up in the middle and yeah, yeah, I like Pitch Black, no noise, so nothing. Yeah, but you'll fall asleep before me. Then I'll watch what I want to watch, and then I'll turn it off.
And that's the idea.
So that's the idea.
Yeah, Okay, So disrupted sleep is one I strain. I definitely feel this. My eyes get super dry. I'm looking at my phone for a long time. Ry, Ye're dry, like because I'm just staring, and especially if I'm editing videos, I notice it. My eyes get quite exhausted. I'm also supposed to wear glasses, so I try to sometimes wear my glasses and it stops with the eyestrain. But ice train is a big one. Headaches, which also relates to ice train because you can get migraine headaches.
My phone for too.
Yeah, so like behind the eyeball headaches so annoying. And also when your vision starts to go blurry from a migraine, that's like the worst feeling. Have you ever had a migraine where your vision goes blurry on touch wood and.
Watch me have one tomorrow. Not that I can remember for a long time.
Yeah, I used to get them really badly, and it's it's so scary because your vision starts to go and then you know, like within hour, you need to be in a dark room in bed. I remember it happened to me once in Barron Bay and I just checked out of my hotel and I was walking. I think I had like three hours until my flight, and I was just gonna explore the town. Oh no, go shopping, and my vision started to go. And luckily I was
in Barron Bay. So I went to this real hippie I don't know what it was, but this woman, and I was like, I'm getting a migraine. She did all this natural remedy kind of things. It didn't really help that much, but the fact that I was lying on a bed definitely was helpful in some ways.
Another one Anna is, as I sit up in my seat properly, poor posture.
Watch us all sit up straight.
Yeah, everyone listening to this as well, Ione will sit up straight because yeah, you're hunched over on your phone, doom scrolling I can see why that would be saw neck.
Yeah, anxiety and stress, particularly for the younger generation, when you're on your phone, you know, when you're consuming just so much information and you just get so overwhelmed and anxious and the only way to help you feel better is to put your phone away, but you're so addicted that you just continue to doom scroll or well.
I remember I read something and it said if the first thing you do when you wake up is look at your phone, that's your first dopamine hit. So they recommend to go an hour when you wake up without checking your phone, which I need to get better right now.
I feel like it's just so hard because if you have a business, the first thing you're doing is checking emails.
It's very hard, Yeah, because you wake up and you've got to see what's going on. Where As I think that I'm going to try now, and it's hard because you go to the gym, so when I wake up, I go for a walk or a gym, so then like you're on your phone then to pick music and that so it's hard.
Yeah, it's kind of like, okay, so how you know you're addicted to your phone, which I'm going to just put my hand up and say I'm addicted to my phone.
Like I said, first step submitting it.
Do you want to say anything?
Or oh, my name is Matthew and I am addicted to my phone.
Yeah, I think, I think, I think we all are. But signs that you're very addicted constantly checking your phone, especially when you wake up in the morning, first thing in the morning, you're checking it excess screen time.
I'll tell you how I knew I was addicted. The plane on the way down didn't have Wi Fi, and I was just like I had downloaded movies before and I had a book, and I still was like, oh, I want to go on.
TikTok, but that's a luxury.
Like I have to say, listen to me, this is the first world. Probably I don't really go.
On Wi Fi on an aeroplane, Like I just accept that I don't have Wi Fi anxiety without a phone. So actually, if your phone battery dies and then you get this deep level of anxiety, another telltale sign you're addicted and prioritizing phones over real life interactions. I really
am going to make a pact and a resolution. It's not January but February resolution to be on my phone a lot less, because I definitely think that I have accidentally, especially if you're working and then you just like quickly head to Instagram or something, and then you know, last night, for example, Michael was like, I'm sick of watching TV. I'm sick of watching We were watching Maths and he's like, I'm sick of watching Maths and like being on our phones. Like,
let's go for a beach walk. We went for a beach walk. So nice. I'll always remember that, But you don't remember those times when you're sitting side by side on your phone.
That happens a lot more than I care to.
But I think it's just something that you need to actively say to yourself I'm not going to do.
Do you ever scroll together?
No?
Previously we'd scrolled TikTok together, Yeah, because we'd be like sitting next to time me, I'll just make this one, so we'd sit there and scroll together.
Do you know what it's called when you are with your partner and you feel like your partner is on their phone and then you're just kind of like sitting there like it.
Has a name for it.
There's a name.
What's it called?
It's called thubbing, fubbing, Yeah, like you've been fubbed off by your partner.
That's funny. I'm going to use that. I know that there's like the tiktoks that go around and it's like my wife or my girlfriend once she puts down her phone for one second and then just like cracks it at you because you're still on it and she's done. Is that you? Is that you with Michael?
No, But I would say that when I go out to dinner or lunch or if I'm with people, I try not to be on my phone, right because it actually is really annoying if you're with someone and they're constantly on their phone and constantly.
I feel like that's just manners. Though it is.
It is, but a lot of people don't have good manners when it comes to phone etiquette. So yeah, I think it's really important to be really conscious and hyper aware of your surroundings and like, of course, sometimes people might have important me or people that they need to be talking to, but majority of the time you need
to be putting the phone away. And twenty five percent of people in married couples and forty two percent of unmarried couples in serious relationships do report feeling distracted by their partner's phone us, so they feel a bit fubbed us.
So what we're trying to say, guys is, yes, we are in the digital age where it is very easy to get consumed and lost in your phone and to make your partner feel neglected. And what the word we've learned.
Is fubbing, fubbing, fobbing, fubbing.
Yeah, fubbing, fubbing your partner off. Let's be conscious of that and work on that. Yeah.
Absolutely, I'm going to make a real effort to be on my phone a lot less. I'm going to tell Michael to do the same thing, and hopefully we can all live a happier and peaceful and less stress life.
Yeah, guys, want to hear from you as always. So if you've taken this and you've gone hang on, I'm fubbing my partner off, and you change it, let us know. We want to hear from you on our Facebook page, send us to our socials. We love hearing from you guys.
Okay, guys, until next time, See ye