Trick or Cheat?

I've definitely dated my fair share of douchebags. My time.

Let's get tingling my balls.

Oh I'm spiraling. Oh my God, tell us.

Everything flame emojis left, right, and center.

Matt loves a bit of God and.

I need to affect you back. I'm really need you with that.

I know I'm jealous. I'm the most jealous person ever.

Relationships like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.

Hisity dot com for you. I'll be a bloody single and alone with ten cats for the rest of my life.

Lie, Lie, Lie.

On today's episode of Where's Your Head At, we are diving headfirst into all things cheating.

You guys will find out which one of us is a cheater, and we tell a heartbreaking story of who's been cheated on.

Stay tuned, it's a goody. Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between. This is your new go to destination, laughs, gossip, intimate details, advice.

And much more. Hello Matt, Hello Anna, how are you today?

I'm doing good? How are you going?

I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty rattled. Your rattled, Hi, I'll be honest with you. I had a dream last night.

That oh god, I'm worried.

Well it was featuring you.

Oh, okay, tell us more.

Well, it wasn't like that sort of dream.

It was like, just in case anyone was wondering, I was not expecting this.

All right, So I'll tell you what happened. We actually went on a date night. So we went to I think it was it looks like in my dream saying killed a Sea Bass. You know that restaurant like on the beach y. You were dressed in like a like a lovely black cocktail dress. I had a nice tight shit and I remember like we met there and then like we walked in and we had dinner.

Yeah, it was a romantic dinner.

It was a romantic dinner.

Yeah.

And I woke up and I was like sweating, and I was.

Like, you woke up sweating.

I was like, well that was weird.

But okay, million dollar question. Did we kiss in.

The dream after the date?

Yeah?

Wow, end of the date. Well, I'm a gentleman, so I never kiss. And tell now, why are you having dreams about Well, I've thought about it on the drive here, and I was like, you know what, it's probably because you called me at eleven thirty at night and we're just telling me all your guy problems. And then I was like falling asleep, and I fell straight asleep, and it must seem fresh on my mind. I'm that guy problem.

The thing is is that I actually don't have guy problems at the moment.

Yeah, but it wasn't problem. I throw problems around your guy stories. What's happening in your love life?

I guess giving you the fall on line.

Yeah, you're giving me the update. Well do you want to give everyone else the update?

Yeah? So I'm seeing a guy at the moment, it's going really well, like almost to the point where it's going too well. We just get along like a house on fire. We have good chat.

Everything's are easy.

Really good sexual chem ISTU. I think I'm simping over him a little bit.

You're simping, are you?

Yeah? Do you want to explain what simping means for those of you listening who don't know what it means?

Okay, So simping means I think guilty of this as well. You're a simp when you infatuate over someone, allowing them to take over your mind. It cause you to do things for them you wouldn't normally do.

Sound sounds a bit intense.

So what are you doing that you naturally wouldn't do or normally wouldn't do?

I mean, I think I just want to see him all the time, and he wants to see me all the time.

So it's working out really well.

So he's simping over you. I think he's.

Simping over me as much as I'm simping over him. Couples simps, But yeah, we are a couple of simps. But the problem is is that as we kind of touched on an episode one, if you haven't listened to that, go listen to it. So I guess we're kind of in a situationship at the moment and we haven't really defined anything. So I really like him. I think he really likes me. I'm pretty sure he really likes me, Like all of the signs are there, but we're not exclusive,

And so we'll.

Probably not when he's spending six nights.

One other night when you're not with him. But yeah, so I obviously called Matt last night late at night, having a bit of the meltdown, being like, I don't know what should I bring up the conversation. I don't know what's happening, and yeah, that's.

Kind of where I'm at.

So we haven't had the chat, but I'm at a point where I do want to have the chat because I'm not hooking up with anyone else and I'm hoping that he's kind of on the same page.

So you're telling me you're gonna have the chat between this episode and the next episode.

Should I commit to that?

Well, we might be starting next week's episode with you saying or it went horribly wrong.

I was thinking so positive. Matt just crushed me back down to reality.

Then no, good luck. I hope it goes well, and it will. I've seen you guys together.

Yeah you like it.

Oh yeah, he's a very funny man, not as funny as me.

Anyway, enough about me. Tell me about the girl that you've been seeing at the moment.

So like, this is the girl that we were talking about we went on the double day with on the last episode. We've been hanging out a fair bit. She came around and met all my roomies.

Okay, that's a big step.

Yeah, I mean what was their thoughts. They liked her, they thought she was funny, but there was just a couple of things that I told them that they were a bit iffy on. So there was two things in particular.

Okay, share with the group.

So the first one was she we obviously had a couple of drinks at mine, and she crashed at mine, and the next morning we woke up, you know, cuddling all that sort of stuff, and then she said that she just abruptly like I'm going to leave. And I was like, oh, all right. I thought we could get some breakfast, you know, watch a movie, cudd all the stuff I like to do.

That's like a very need. I thought we've been locked in for the day.

I was like, I've cleared my calendar for you, and she goes, I want to go. It's like, yeah, I want to go find myself. I'm going to go take my shoes off and get grounded in a park and go for a swim in the in the bay.

And I was like, I mean, we love a me day.

Fine, I've got nothing against a me day. Go to your meet day, and.

That just prefers a wee day.

So I go, okay, all right, see you. Then so she leaves. I chat to my mates, order some mob eats, have a little bit of a nap, My food comes, and I go, you know what, Sunday, hungover in bed. I'm gonna do what I always do. I'm just gonna have a scroll of the dating apps, you know, just have a swipe. Nothing like something to do past time. I've checked my Instagram. Nothing's being updated on there. So I was like, so just swiping through and believe it or not, the second person that comes up on the

It's not great. But now that I'm thinking about it, you rolls on the dating app. So you both departed. He went separate ways, and then you both went straight to the dating app. So you're both keeping your options open.

Yeah we are. So I'm not mad about going on the dating app. It's more like you said, you're going to find yourself, get rounded. I didn't know that was swiping for boys on your phone. Swipe and right, I was on the dating app. She's on the dating app, so I guess I can't be mad. I'm not mad. It was just like ooh, I was like busy girl.

Mainly because you wanted to hang out with her. I want to and maybe she didn't want to hang out with you. I'm sorry to break it to you. What's the second red flag that the rooms are a bit iffy about?

All right? I just want to start by saying, you can't make this up. This one. This is one hundred percent of the truth.

I was here on this night, and let me tell you, you actually can't make this shit up. This is wild. This is the reason why we started a podcast. This stuff actually happens to us.

This is word for word what happens. So you, myself and our producer a but went out for some drinks. So we're having some drinks, we're having dinner. The girl I'm seeing was out, you're the guy you're seeing. Came to our drinks and I invited her to and then she said, I'm at the Botanical, which is a club in Melbourne, and she's like a bar and she was like come now. She pretty much summoned me, didn't.

She she summoned you there, She's like now like.

Just in caps, like in like I think it was like three different messages, and I was like, all right, guys, we're going, let's go pack up. So we all left. We hopped in different vers. You and your blow copped in one, me and you and your block, Me and Amber hopped in ours, and then we went to the Bot. So when we arrived, Amber and me were walking down. We're walking down the hill.

En route to the bar.

So from where we were to the bot takes what a maximum of five minutes, I think. Yeah. So we're walking down the hill and there's like people walking out, walking in and then this this guy and this girl are holding hands walking towards Amber and myself and I was like, oh yeah, And then they got closer and I'm like, she looks.

Familiar And who wasn't Matt.

It was a girl I'm seeing.

So basically, what you're telling me is this girl you're seeing has summoned you.

Summoned to see to.

Go and see her immediately, and within ten minutes of you arriving at the bar that she told you to meet her at, she was leaving with someone else.

Yeah, she was leaving with another another guy. So they're walking out, they're walking towards us, and then she puts his arm around her, and I'm like like, what's going on? What are you guys doing? And then he turns around and he's like, we're getting a drink, mate, what's the big deal. But I was like, I was like no, no, no, and I said her name, and I'm like, what are you doing? And then she's like she was looking at

With someone else.

And then I like she goes, no, I wasn't leaving with him, and I was like I looked at like dead in the eyes, and I was like, you're bitterly kissing this guy leaving and you're not, and she goes, I wasn't leaving, and I was just like, we're.

A little confused. I was like that gaslighting is that like gaslighting is when you know something is fat. So I know this guy is blue and someone's like this guy is green and you're like, no, it's blue, and they're.

Like, no, that's green.

You're like, I know you were leaving with that guy and she's like, no, it was them.

We're planting each other's hair.

Yeah, they were genuinely leaving together. So yeah, that was the second red flag that my mates are a bit iffy on.

So did that break your heart a little bit?

Yeah?

It was.

It was a bit shit to see.

Did it kind of feel like maybe you were being cheated on even although you weren't together and aren't together and we're not saying it was cheating, but it kind of maybe felt a little bit like that.

Look, we there's no conversation of what we are. We're not having any of those chats. But in the situation or the situationship we were in, I expect the bare minimum.

Literally, that's all I want them being.

The bare minimum is if you invite me to a bar in the five minutes it takes my uber to get there, don't leave with another guy, but just hold on for me. I'm getting there. I told I told you on my way.

I mean, you're not asking for a while.

I'm not asking for much, am I. So we'll see where that go. I did feel quite, I did feel quite portrayed a hurt.

Oh well, look on that note, let's get into our cheating episode.

Okay, Anna, what do you think cheating is? Obviously there is different versions of it. What's your opinion of it?

I mean, I think the standard that I would set for myself is if I'm doing something that I wouldn't do if my partner was right beside me, then it's probably cheating. Like would I send this guy a flame emoji if my boyfriend was sitting right beside me, Probably not, So I probably shouldn't do it if he's not there the old flame emoji. We know that you're well versed in the flame emogic.

Well, I think obviously everyone has a different version of cheating. So in my opinion, for me, it would be something that I feel guilty about. But I would think if I felt guilty and I was like, hang on, like I wouldn't like that happening to me, Yeah, then that I figured that as a cheating Yeah.

I think that's totally a valid point and I think in relationships trust is so important and breaking that trust in a relationship is so damaging. There are different types of cheating, right.

So there's there's three main ones.

There's three main ones.

So there's physical cheating, which is pretty self explanatory, just breaking that touch barrier, whether it's kissing, having sex with or anything in between.

Then there's emotional cheating.

Which is when someone establishes a close relationship with someone else who isn't their partner, which means like they're talking to someone, they're meeting up with someone, they're just emotionally investing in someone that isn't their partner.

Yeah, developing a bond or a longing for someone else.

So it's a lot deeper.

Someone would say a lot worse than maybe even physical cheating.

What do you think is worse?

It's a good question. It's tricky, it is. I would have to say physical.

I'd say physical like I'd say.

Physical, like you could fall into that situation. It could be with a like a work employee, it could be with someone that like you know that you're spending a lot of time with through default.

It doesn't make it okay.

It doesn't make it okay. No, but there's a bit more understanding physical cheating. You literally have to like it takes two to tango, like you have to be as well, you know what I mean, yourself in that situation to do it.

I mean, look, no type of cheating is good, but I think the physical cheating it's so hard. I think they're both just as bad as each other, if I'm being really honest.

And then the third one is micro cheating.

Explain to us what micro cheating is.

It's the act of flirting with someone continuously or like little touching with someone inappropriate ways, and the small things that you're insinuating.

Like maybe you're not in a relationship, yeah, that you're single and you like someone you like just micro cheating. So just like flirting with someone at a bar could be considered as micro cheating.

Flame reacting to people's stories, that's micro cheating because it's not really talking to anyone, but it's like you're insinuating that you're single.

So it could be like liking a girl's bikini photo on Instagram.

Micro cheating.

Yeah, And everyone has different levels and standards and boundaries that they set up in their own relations.

And they should set them early as well, so the other partner knows what you expect from them.

Yeah, but yeah, exactly, And I think what's cheating in one relationship might be really accepted in another. So I think it's good to remember that everyone's relationships are different, and I think we have to respect those boundaries that people set up in their own relationships.

So in saying that, why do people actually.

Cheat, Well, there's multiple different reasons of why people cheat, I feel, but one of the main ones I would say is not enough love and attention from their partner. They might need it. Their partner might be busy with work, might be busy with the children, you know, all different sorts of stuff.

So they're looking for that love somewhere else.

Yeah, and sad, but yeah, that's sort of things that happen.

Yeah, And I mean, I guess that's kind of like when people get into relationship ruts and they're just so on routine and doing the same thing and nothing's new and exciting, and they get a bit bored, and then.

The three of cheating might be what they needed to stimulate their life.

Yeah, they're like, I mean, I think that another huge reason that people cheat is they don't have the balls to break up with their partner, so they kind of go into this self destructive mode where they kind of go a bit rogue and they don't try and cover up the cheating they want. They're pushing limits. Yeah, they want to get found out because they're breaking up with people. As we know, it is so difficult.

It's a bold strategy.

But I think sometimes also people do it subconsciously, Like subconsciously they're not happy, so they're willing to.

Push those limits.

Do you reckon that people cheat because they think that the grass is greener.

Absolutely. I think a lot of people they see their single mates, their single roommates, thees, sing siblings, friends, they're all single and they're having fun. They're going out having fun.

But it looks like a fun time being single though, right, it looks like a great time.

It does. But look, I'm gonna say, the grass isn't always greener. On the other side, it's greener where you worter it.

Amen to that, yea.

So if you're in a relationship and you think that being single is better, I think that maybe you should focus on the relationship and try and make that work and make that fun. Yeah, go out with your partner and yeah.

Yeah, Well we've spoken about this. To find someone who you really connect with, who you click with, that is so special, that's so amazing, and not everyone finds that. So if you're lucky enough to have found that and it's the right timing for you and things have.

Aligned, don't take it for granted.

Don't take it for granted.

You know, when you meet someone and you have that spark and your best friends invest your energy into that. I think also a reason why people think the grass is greener, that type of nomenon exist is.

Because of social media, because everything looks so.

Perfect, and guys and girls go on to social media and they look at, you know, these amazing accounts with fun and excitement and travel and amazing lifestyles and everyone just.

Like everyone looking dressed up, really nice, looking really hot.

Yeah, and they think, oh my god, I'm sitting here at home watching TV with this guy.

On all these other guys that, yeah, going out and having fun. But again, people put onto social media what they want people to see.

It's curated.

Yeah, it's a very small portion of what's actually going on in someone's life. And nine times out of ten, if someone hasn't absolutely killer feed they're not enjoying that party there. They're taking a million photos so that you think that they're enjoying that part, and then.

They're looking through them all and favoriting which ones they want exactly.

Yeah, and then they're editing process. Don't go down this social media black hole of thinking someone else's life is much better than yours, because nine times out of ten, it's not.

Not at all. Okay, guys, it's time to play where's their head at our quick fire quiz where you guys have sent in scenarios and we tell you whether it's cheating, not cheating, or just disrespectful.

Okay, so the first one is staring at another girl's boobs or bum cheating, disrespectful or not cheating.

That's just disrespectful to your partner and the girl.

Yeah, I think so too. I think it's disrespectful watching porn, not cheating, I think not cheating, But I think if you are substituting your partner for porn, then it's a bit of.

A disrespectful situation.

Like if you're watching porn all the time and then they want to have sex with you and you're like, sorry, I'm good, then maybe you should think that I've already done liking other girl's bikini posts.

Disrespectful, disrespectful. I won't do that if I'm in a relationship.

Keeping ex's nudes, What do you need them for? Exactly? I think it's cheating. I mildly cheating, mildly cheating, because what are you doing with those moods of your eggs? I mean.

These questions, what's going on out there?

Where's your head out? So what do you think?

I would say, just disrespectful, very disrespectful. What do you need for? Almost cheating?

I think I think mildly cheating. Okay, flirting with other people?

Is it flirting with intent or a chat with intent?

I mean, yeah, I think it's I think it's crossing the line.

It is, it's not it's not nice. That's that's that's.

Micro cheating, like we spoke about. So that's technically cheating.

Technically cheating. Yeah, I mean I think a.

Little bit of a flirt here and there is okay.

Not right in front of your partner.

What are you to do when they're not dog you?

I mean, if my partner was flirting with a guy in front of me, I'd be a bit like.

So you're like, that's fine, don't flirt with them in front of me, But when I'm not here, go for your life.

Its bliss.

Telling another girl she's pretty?

Again, where's the intent? Like, if you're just telling them they look nice, I mean, I don't.

Think that's cheating. I don't think that's cheating. No, No, I don't think so goes to a party without telling you.

Technically not cheating, Like pretty disrespectful.

Pretty disrespectful, And why aren't you telling what are you doing at the party?

Some people don't need to tell their partners there every movement though.

Yeah, and again that comes to relationship and what each relationship does. But in a relationship with me, I would.

Say, probably say where are you movements?

Please?

No, we're not that crazy.

Okay, going to the strip club secretly, Yeah.

That's cheating. I'd say, we're not cheating, You're not doing anything. But that's just these are hard because it falls into the category of like disrespectful.

Yeah, I think they're falling into the disrespectful category as well.

But it's boundaries, like we said earlier, But I.

Feel like all of these things seem a bit dodgy, like they could be doing something really wrong. Like, why are you going to a party and not telling your partner.

I think it's safe to say if they're doing this dodgy stuff, there's probably other dodgy stuff happening probably.

Yeah, like this isn't I think when these when all of these types of things start to build up, you can probably.

Start to get a bit worried.

It's not to worry, okay. The last one is flicking through a dating app when you're in a relationship, but not necessarily meeting.

Up with people cheating.

I think cheating as well, I reckon in this.

Day and age, a massive thing is when you get into a relationship with someone, it's a step you delete your dating apps totally.

I completely agree.

You delete them. So the fact that you've still got them, yeah, I think is a red flag.

And I think as well, like social media, some would argue is kind of like a dating app because you're getting right.

Yah, you agree, I agree one hundred percent.

Yeah, So I mean I think at a bare minimum, to delete your actual it's not like you're deleting all your social media at the moment you get into a relationship.

And yeah, just having respect is a huge one.

And that was there's their head app Thanks for playing.

Okay, so the burning question here is who's the cheater and who's been cheated on? Would you like to go first?

I mean, yeah, I've never cheated on a partner. I've been cheated on quite badly, which I'm going to share in a minute, but that is the cheating.

Yeah. Well, look I was. I cheated on my girlfriend when I was seventeen. Okay, so I was young. I mean I've learned from that, Like, yeah, it's you know, it's one of those things where she was such a great girl, awesome girl. If timing was different, who would have known. But it's a shame that I had to learn that lesson through her. Yeah, you like, it's a shame and I feel bad that I heard it. Even when I think about it now, I still feel bad. Yeah,

And I was out in a club and it could have been an ego thing, which is a reason why people cheat.

Yeah, one hundred percent agree. It was an ego thing. It killed my ego at the time. And I went around and I kissed a couple of girls, and.

Jeez, you didn't even go for one.

I mean, like, and again, the relationship was on the rocks at the time. Anyway, It wasn't like we were in this like like ideal relationship. It wasn't.

But it's still cheating.

It's still cheating. Nonetheless, it's still cheating.

Talk me through this.

You've gone out that night, you got drunk, you kissed a couple of girls. What was that feeling when you first woke up in the morning and remembered what had happened the night before?

Guilt?

Riddled with gil.

Yeah, riddled with gil y Yeah, hungover guilty, Yeah it was.

And I mean, so it's not a good feeling.

It's not. The reason I haven't done it since is because like that of that feeling.

Yeah, way on you?

Yeah yeah yeah, And it's and I even like, I feel hard, I feel difficult talking about it now. You tell like I was, she was a really nice girl, and I hate to have learned that lesson with her.

Yeah, And so then you went to family dinner.

Yeah, for my birthday, my eighteen yep, And yeah, she found out and broke up with me and really haven't spoken much to her since.

Wow.

I dated her for two years, sixteen to eighteen.

So she was your first proper girlfriend in.

The puppy love stage, is what it is?

Heartbreaking?

What about yourself? You said you got cheated on?

Yeah, I've been on the other end.

Oh yeah, so I'm on like this.

How old were you?

And I was nineteen?

And again it was my first, like you, my first, I think, my first love, like this was the first guy who I loved and it was a bit of a rocky relationship.

He was a DJ. I read, I was a club promoter.

Red match Made in Heaven, very DJ, it's a red flighter.

And he ended up running a party up in Byron Bay with schoolies and so he was a bit older, so he was technically.

A tully bit red flag.

So many red flags. I wasn't seeing any of them. And yeah, we were together. I dropped him off at the airport so he could go to Byron Nice of you, very nice of me. Picked him up seven days later, and the first like major telltale sign that he had cheated on me. Was after I had picked him up from his seven day vacation in Byron Bay where he

Like he was like.

Crying, and I was like, go any more guilty.

At the time, I was just like, he's like cute, he lost me so much, but in hindsighted so obvious, the nineteen year old me was just I was just laughing it up.

All the attention. You're like, yeah, reassurance.

Yeah.

So how'd you find out?

Then? Okay, so two months later we were still together. Oh yeah, I didn't find out straight away. And I actually went to coffee with his best friend two months later.

As a date.

What just as friends friend? Yeah, we were all friends. I was friends with all of his friends. And I went to coffee with his best friend and during coffee, mid coffee, his best friend said to me, and keeping in mind the best friend was the only way that I would have ever found out he.

Sold out his best mate.

So basically, I'm sitting at coffee and he looked at me and he said, I have something to tell and then I was like yeah, and then he's like, oh no, no, no, no, I can't say it. I can't say it. I can't do it. I can't do it. And at that point I was like, I'm finding out what it is you have to say, and I basically pulled it out of his best friend and he was like, you just don't deserve this. You're a great girl. I think you're amazing.

Six and seven days.

Six girls in seven days, and wow, when I configure and do it, I can laugh about it now, but at the time I was devastating. I've never been so heartbroken in my whole life. Like I remember being like, I will never get over this moment.

Because it given you trust issues going forward.

Major trust issues.

Major because I think as well, like when a partner's going on holiday, you're really giving them a big level of your trust and to have.

That smashed, especially to schoolies, especially.

To schoolies, and he was calling me every single night. So every night that he got home. Sometimes I'd be asleep and he'd call me at like two am being like.

Hey, I just got home. I love you, just wanted to let you know.

Hangs up the phone and goes into the room to sleep with the girl. I mean, it's wild. The levels he went to were wild. But anyway, I ended up after the coffee with his friend.

Did you call him out on it? Obviously?

Yeah. I called him and confronted him about it, and he completely denied it, like went into full denied, denied denial mode, which we're going to talk about. The denied, denied deny is.

What a lot of people do when they're caught out cheating.

Yeah, it's that culture that we kind of have in this society where people think it's better to not be honest with their partner and to let them live in this fairyland bubble.

Say he was honest and had said, yes, Anna, I fucked up. I fucked up. I slept with six girls and seven nights.

I mean I feel like a fuck Up's like after the first night you call them and say, I did I think six it's an intentional thing. And so therefore, even if he was honest, he's still.

In the bin. Yeah, you're right. I tried to give him benefit of the doubt, but fuck, bro, you did it to yourself.

Yeah, he's in a trash bin. He's non recyclable, catching my mup. Yeah, And so he denied it, and so his best friend, because he didn't want to be seen as a liar, actually ended up.

Are they still friends?

No, that was the end of their friend.

Did you have a crack at the best friend?

Then no, absolutely not that he the friend actually ended up going through all of the club photos from the schooli's events and found this photo zoomed in on it and he had a hickey on his neck and this is my ex boyfriend or my boyfriend of the time he cheated. Yeah, he had a hickey on it from one of his one night stands. And when I asked him about it, his response was, Oh, did I forget to tell you about the fight I got in where I landed on my neck? Did I forget to mention that?

Surely there's a say you were just yeah, your mate gave it to you. I don't know something better than that.

I mean, look, I think honesty is the best policy, but in that situation, just be honest, like you've been caught out. You've already been caught out. But let's not make up a miscellaneous fight that never happened. It didn't happen.

You see the other guy though, hickes he's got from me.

Trash.

Okay, So when you've caught your partner cheating, there's a few things that they can do.

The first one is deny.

So there's this massive culture and mentality around deny, deny, deny, I.

Think, especially with males. Would you agree.

I tend to agree with that. Yeah, that the when I did it, when I was younger, I had that mentality of denying, deny and deny, like if I don't believe it, did it really happen? It happened. It's for gay it didn't happen. Like if I don't believe it, you don't believe it. It never happened. It wasn't a thing. I feel that that's it's really shit way about going

And it's a burden, right.

Yeah, can eat away at you. And if you continue to stay with them, like I don't know anything to do that just be eating weight. You'd be at the back of your mind. You'd continuously think, I've cheated on this person that I love.

For someone that's not really even worth it, who I don't really know, whatever, whatever the circumstances is, it's just not worth it. And I think it is a younger mentality, Like you said that you did that when you're younger, but now you've kind of evolved and you realize that honesty is the best policy.

It is, And I feel like if you're honest about it, then you've got nothing to hide, and your conscience is.

Clear exactly and you can sleep well at night.

Knowing IF's fucked up. But I was honest and I expressed it. I told him.

And I think sometimes if you do something that might have crossed the line or something that's a bit out of character, I think the best thing to do is just to.

Be honest about it.

Yeah, Like I'm not saying go have sex with someone and then you know. I'm not saying you should cheat on someone, but in relationships, I'm sure there are.

Things that people do.

No one's perfect, no one's perfect, right, And I think if you're honest with your partner, it can build a closer bond because you realize it what what ever happens, I know that they're going to be honest with me. And we did a poll on our Where's your head at pod Instagram page and we asked you guys, would you prefer to know if your partner cheated on you, even if it was never going to happen again, And eighty six percent of the people on our page said

Cheating, so people would rather find out than have it kept a secret from him.

Yeah, I think people want like an honest, open relationship. At the end of the day, we all want that. No one wants to be number one be in a deceitful relationship, and no one wants to be harboring guilt and secrets from their partner.

Imagine everyone else knows, but you don't know as well.

That's my worst nightmare. Genuinely.

One of the scariest things to me is walking into a room with my boyfriend hand in hand.

I've imagined this scenario many.

Times, me walking into a room with my boyfriend hand in hand, and then there's a group of girls in the corner or a group of people and they're like, Oh, her boyfriend's cheating on her with this person, or he's been hooking up with this person, or he's been talking to my friend.

That's my worst nightmare.

That would be brutal. If it was I was in the same situation with a girl and that happened, I would kill you, wouldn't it.

It would absolutely kill you. And it also feels like your partner's disrespected you. But then they're also humiliating you because they're allowing other people to talk about you behind your back, and that's just not okay.

I used to feel like ignorance is bliss, but definitely not. I yeah, you want to know. I used to feel like, if they cheated on me, just break up with me and don't tell me. You know what I mean? But then again, you would probably want to know why they did break up with you.

Yeah, I think it's good to know the whole story of why things have deteriorated, because, as we've spoken about in the past, every relationship is a lesson, and if you're being hidden from.

The lesson, how are you going to grow and how are you going to learn for your next relationship?

Exactly?

I know what to do so you don't get yourself stuck in that same situation.

Yeah, I think as well.

Another thing that people do when they get caught cheating is gaslight.

So you were you mentioned gas lighting earlier when yeah, when they say something isn't true, but it clearly.

Is when you know for a fact that something is true, like you saw.

Them leaving so on, and they say they did it and you're like.

Yeah, And then you start questioning your own reality. You're like like going crazy, is this a me problem?

And it's toxic.

It is. Yeah, I've been gaslighting people before and yeah, it's definitely toxic. It makes you question a whole sense of reality, your whole sense of sanity, like what's going on? Like you just.

Feel generally as a whole unset you just never really can relax. That's how it feels. Does I think it also makes you feel vulnerable and just like you're in the wrong for accusing them of such a thing, like how could you accuse me of doing that? You know?

Wow, people go to extreme lengths.

People do go to extreme length.

To catch their partners cheating. What are some of them?

Yeah, so we asked you guys on our socials and there were some great ones.

Some people people going to some extreme lengths. I mean some of them. I was like, whoall.

Some people have flown into state to follow their partner because they know they're out of town for work and they're making sh But what they're doing is work, and a lot of the time they have caught them cheating. From the stories that we heard, Yeah.

They've hired pis adding their location setting to their phone so they can track their partners every movements, track.

Their every move So yeah, sharing their location. I think a big one was keeping track of their Snapchat score, so they're checking to see how much their scores going up. By then they can basically tell how many people they're talking to.

I used to have a mate that when it was like Snapchat Top friends, and he used to so he used you know how, he used to have a top friend on Snapchat could see his top friends. He would obviously talk to girls on Snapchat when he was with his partner, so they wouldn't get he wouldn't get caught out. Yeah, but it'd randomly during the day, you get random messages snapchat photos of him and he's like, Haha, what are you up to today?

And you just feel like, so he's trying to get you into his top friends. That's so naughty.

The girl your phone would be going off and you'd be like, literally, he's one way conversation with whatever earl he was talking, Like what the fuck are they talking about now? So the top way that people were try and catch their partners out for cheating, We found that people sent in.

Was was they make a fake account. They add a profile picture that they know is their partner's type, so someone who they know their partner would normally go for if they weren't with them, and then they start trying to talk to their partner as a fake account and see if they buy it.

Imagine the lengths you have to go to. You have to find the photos, you have to make the account look genuine, so you have to buy follows, by comments, by likes. Imagine the lenks you have to go to to do that.

People are willing to go to those lanes.

At that point you just think like, all right, maybe.

But you know what. The crazy thing about doing that is that a lot of the people caught their partner talking back, and I mean essentially emotionally or micro cheating, and a lot of people said that they broke up with their partner because of.

This, Like, my dumb ass, would I feel like I would if I really liked someone, I wouldn't reply back to anyone. Yeah, I wouldn't.

If you really like them, you wouldn't. But if you were a hundred.

Sub flame, react, So if you caught out your partner for cheating, if it was in any of those ways, like a fake account, you tracked their movements, anything like that. Would you take them back after knowing they've possibly slept with someone, kissed someone, or they have emotionally cheated on you.

I'm going to say no.

I think in the situation that I'm in right now, it's a strong no from me. I just I think obviously, because I've been cheated on so badly in the past, it's very triggering to me any sort of cheating. And I think if I was in a situation where I had kids, I might see things through a different lens. But as it stands, I just think any sort of cheating is unacceptable to me.

And I know what I'm like.

If someone cheated on me, I know that they're gonna get crazy anna incoming hard and fast. Like I would be on their phone. I'd be asking them like where they're going? If they're talking to someone who I don't know, I'd be like, who's that? I just I honestly, and it's not even for their benefit. I just wouldn't want to put myself through that emotional turmoil of just feeling completely caught up and.

Overwhelmed with that situation.

Because as we've said, relationships are all about trust, and once that trust is gone, it takes an enormous amount of effort to build it back up. And I think if someone's willing to put your relationship in jeopardy, then that's not for me.

And I mean, they mustn't have much value on it. If there will, they.

Don't respect, they don't value you.

And I know every situation is different, but yeah, I just I don't think that I would be able to come back from that because I wouldn't want to put myself through it.

But yeah, what about you? Do you think that you could come back from a partner cheating on you?

Look, I feel like to everyone that has taken their partner back after they've cheated on them, look, that's what you want to do. I don't feel like I could.

I think it's definitely possible, and I know that there's I have friends who have successfully overcome cheating and it was a one time thing and it never happened again.

Do you think if someone takes someone back, they're either very secure in themselves and they know what they've got, or they're very insecure about themselves.

I think it's a case by case.

It has to be.

It has to be a case by case.

So I just feel like I would be so after that.

Like you imagine being deeply in love with your partner and that happens left field, and it just kind of shakes you. I don't think it necessarily makes you insecure or not like secure enough. I just think that maybe you just love them so much and are willing to do anything to make the relationship work. And there's totally there's nothing wrong with that. There's not, but yeah, I've just been through it, and I just wouldn't want to put myself through it again. I think.

The only redeeming thing about.

Someone that's cheated and to get your back.

Yeah, I think the only redeeming thing about cheating or someone trying to get you back after cheating would be if there were one hundred percent honest from day dot, like they said, I I fucked up.

I hold my hands up.

Yeah I'm guilty.

I'm guilty.

Yeah, let's try and make this work so so it does it never happens again.

Yeah, and then obviously they put in like an enormous amount of effort. But like even then, for me, it's it's difficult to think about. But yeah, I think honesty is definitely the best policy. The moment. The moment that there's any sort of deceit after cheating, I just think that's all over red Rover.

But that's just me.

Everyone's different, and I'm sure that there's plenty of people who, like as I said, like friends of mine who have successful.

I've seen it happen before. I know people that have been cheated on and they've taken their partner back and they've they're happy, they've grown and now they're married. In that like, it can happen. But for me, I would find it very hard. I would I would struggle.

And maybe that's an ego thing for both of us.

We could be talking totally on ego right now, and I think we probably are.

But I'm not good enough for you. You mean that Joe down the corners.

Him over this.

Like that.

But yeah, I think we're probably talking on ego.

I think I'm probably talking on past traumas from cheating incidents, and you know, it's a correlation of all of those things. But yeah, I think everyone can make that decision in the situation.

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Okay, guys, thanks for listening. On our next episode, what are we talking about.

Anna, We're talking about first day. We're giving you guys our best first date ad buyas how to nale your first day, places to go, things to talk about, everything you need to know.

Look, we've been on a lot of first dates, so I think we know what we're talking about. This one, I'm some shockers, but.

We're sharing our best tips with you. Say stay tuned, we can't wait to talk to you.

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