MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL...

I want the fairy tale, I want the prince charming she how.

Do I put this? Isn't a fan of my kissing style?

Boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's in a trash bin. He's non recyclable catching them mu.

I love being love, I love love.

On today's episode of Where's Your Head At, we are looking at mirroring in both dating and relationships.

It is often said you are the company you keep, but why do people change their behavior or language around people they spend a lot of time with.

We'll be taking a deeper look into our own relationships and friendships to see if we've become the mirror image, or in fact, we are the influence.

Stay tuned to hear if imitation really is the best form of flattery. Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.

This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, intimate details, advice, and much more.

Okay, Matt and I have walked straight off of a photo shooting into the studio for this podcast, and then we stopped off and had a bit of a Maca's run on the way here.

I haven't had macas in so long.

It's so good.

I know, nice Caesar salad Wrath was unreal, But don't you think maybe with grease looming in the future now you should be Maybe not having macis for the shaming me Greece summer coming up. I thought maybe you'd be doing on a health kick or something. Well.

I was on an eight week challenge.

I don't know if you remember me telling you this, and then I got COVID and it kind of just all fell apart at the seams.

I reckon this was Anna's like eighth tenth at an eight week challenge.

I don't do well at them, but you know what, EF is key. As long as you're trying, that's the main thing.

Well, if you do one week eight times, that's an eight week challenge, but just spread apart different differ time theeriod's Well, does Michael do it as well, because that would be definitely handy if you've got your boyfriend Michael helping you. Yeah.

I think Michael is so good at going to the gym. He just loves it, not for like his body image essentially, but more for his mental health. I think if he doesn't go to the gym. He really struggles with his anxiety.

I'm the exact same. If I don't go Jim that night, I feel really unsettled.

Yeah, and I feel unsettled as well, but I never remedied it with Jim, And ever since dating Michael, he's encouraged me to go to the gym with him and it really has helped my mental health. And I always say it. As soon as I go back to the gym, I'm like, oh, I feel so good. Why did I forget about this? And yeah, I'm jumping on that health kick bandwagon as of next week.

All right, well, we will check in with you on the next episode. So what encouraged this flight to Greece? This trip? Should I say?

So?

Michael's friends are getting married there. I've never met them, but it's his friends from London. So everyone's going to Greece. Whereabouts in Greece Zachenthos. I think it's called it looks amazing. I'll show you photos later. It's incredible. If you've not heard of it, google it. The photos are to die for. So I'm very excited. We're only going for two weeks because we have done a few holidays this year, and I feel like we need to tighten the pennies.

A little bit. I'm like, oh, not another.

Holiday, but Greece will be amazing. I can't wait to have my first European summer And like, how long since way before COVID.

Oh yeah, it's been me now four or five years since I went.

Yeah, imagine Yeah, So I mean it's going to be amazing. Hopefully we have the best two weeks of our life and then we won't have to go on a holiday for a year, so we can save some money.

Say that now, but knowing you guys, you'll probably book a holiday real quick somewhere.

Yeah, how's your move with jen going?

We're settled in.

Everything's unpacked. Our house is getting there.

Like, there's a.

Couple of stray boxes still, we've put them in the back shed. I think we'll forget about their what's in there, tenths of them and until we need to. But apart from that, we're all settled in. Our wardropes will unpacked.

It's actually funny. I was looking out.

Our wardropes because we had these two huge, gorgeous wardrobes next to each other. So it's really good for me obviously, I have an abundance of clothes. I need to really swap through them again. But I was looking at him and I was like, you know what, these wardropes are starting to look quite similar in a way. I mean, Jen has a taste for what she says, earthy.

Tones, so youth tone.

Yeah.

Well, now that I've stood out to me, I noticed other people in him and it's very common.

So you've got the greens, the browns.

The blues, just colors that I wouldn't normally wear. Anna, I'm a very black and white black and whe Yeah.

I was about to say, you in black and white, just like.

It's just what you're Yeah, and look at me now. I'm even in light blue denim jeans. I would not have owned these unless it was for Gen.

It's unheard of.

Matt's whole wardrobe has totally changed since he started dating Jen.

And you know what, I I think you look great.

Yeah, and Jen would as well. She says that I look really good. You know what, It's all growing on me. I'm getting used to it.

I actually got an invite round to Matt's house this weekend for the first time. I was patiently waiting for him to get everything set up and to eventually invite me around. And the invitation has now come and I get to meet Jen's twin sister, which I'm very excited about because I feel like that's going to be so crazy to meet her because I've only known Jen, and you like, I've never known her. I've known she had a twin, but I've never actually met her twins. So it's going to be fun.

They're quite similar in a way, They're just the same.

Have you ever mistaken them for each other now that you're living in One time?

I was one time I thought I came up behind as I was going to the bathroom. I didn't slap any ass. I just was like ooh, And then I realized it was I realized it was Nicky, and I was like, oh shit, I thought you were Jen because in my peripheral vision, Jen had just walked out, but LIKENI I hadn't seen NICKI walk in to it, so I thought it was Jen. But yeah, that wasn't It wasn't nothing lucky. Nothing happened that could have been quite frowned upon.

That could have been very bad, Yes, very bad. Did Nicky and Jen dress similarly?

Yes, quite a lot like they wear probably the exact same clothes. So I've even said, Nicky's done a couple of washings for the house and she's mixed me and her boyfriend's underwear and clothes together, so we're constantly switching like T shirts and that, And I said, I'm not a twin let alone a sibling with mirth, so can you stop doing it? I don't want to wear his underwear. But they all wear earthy tones as well, so it's.

An earthy household, very earthy, very down to earth.

Well, look on that note, let's get into.

Mirroring, Anna, What actually is mirroring?

Like I've heard this word thrown around a losh, but what is it really?

Okay, So, mirroring is matching someone's behavior, whether it's their voice, there were they're nonverbal cues, things like gestures, movements, and body posture.

Do you think you've done this with Michael.

Yeah, there's definitely a big part of me that ends up mirroring my partner. I think just like subconsciously, and mirroring is subconscious, so you don't mean to do it, but I guess like when you're around someone a lot, you end up kind of not becoming one because I don't want to say that, but you end up picking up little habits here and there, and if someone does something that you like, you kind of copy it.

So yeah, what about you?

Yeah? So I know Jen and I when we thought about this topic out of conversation with her, and I was like, oh, what have we done? That's like mirroring each other a lot of sayings. Jen now will say that I say, like I'll ask her or something we get thrown around and she says what I say all the time. She goes that, you know as POWs, that's not my bag, baby, I'll say that if it's something that's like not me. So she says that. Now, I mean, does it even go as far as like what you eat?

Notice that, Actually, I've coffeed Michael with oat milk. I've never drunk oat milk before in my life, but it's such a thing for him. And then I used to have SIPs of his coffee and I all of a sudden drink oat. Now.

Yeah, Jen's even up to her coffee intake the same as many as I do. Because you're around someone, you're gonna go. They're gonna go get a coffee. You're going to get a coffee with them. You're gonna get you know what I mean.

Yeah, it kind of creates a feeling of comfortability because I guess we are designed to be attracted to people who are like us. We are living in this society map where we have Instagram, we have TikTok. Copycatting and mirroring is so common. They are different. So I think copying someone is conscious and mirroring is actually subconscious. But like think about TikTok. Something goes viral and then everyone jumps on the.

Trend, So that's copying. Do you think people mirror the Kardashians or is that copying them?

Look, I think that the Kardashians. We love the Kardashians, we do, don't.

They are icons, and I think over the years people have definitely copied them. Probably there has been some mirroring where subconsciously people might see their instagrams or see their show and copy like words. I know, like a lot of people use the word Bible, which they as in like when people say swear to God, instead of saying swear to God, they say Bible. There's so many Kardashian things that have been picked up throughout the years. I would say it's more of a copycat thing, but there's

Matt to influence people. I mean, I was about to say that a lot of content and photos and you'd know it as being a model, and there's inspo picks, So when you rock to shoot, you have inspo picks. I know it sounds brutal, but none of these photos are quite original.

It's not like you're trying to be a copycat of someone. If you see something that you resonate with, or you like you could subconsciously mirror that and the necklace that you got me, even the little m from Sarah and Sebastian.

Because I get.

Asked so much where this necklace is from. So many people ended up going online and finding like copies of this necklace, and then I was doing a Q and A and said it was from Sarah and Sebastian, and then there were so many people who messaged me being like, oh my god, I wish I knew this earlier. I've gone out and bought one from this brand or another brand, a similar one, but not quite this. I mean, we all do it, so there's definitely nothing wrong with mirroring.

Oh? I don't actually think Jen has. I'm more of the person that comes up with the sayings.

The other influence.

Yeah, I think I'm the influence with sayings.

Okay, so she hasn't taught you any sayings, but she obviously has some sort of influence over you being your girlfriend. Do you think it's a good influence or a bad influence.

I mean, you're not gonna say.

Bad, but I have been in a relationship where they have been a bad influence on me.

You've said this.

I came out of that relationship a little bit more arrying and a little bit more cocky, but than I should have been.

I had to whip you into line.

Yeah, I definitely had to pull my head in. I think though, with relationships, what I am a big sucker for or I'm very submissive is probably the word. And like I like to mirror is fashion when it comes to like dressing, and that I touched on it before we jen My wardrobe is very much like hers.

I don't know.

For some reason, my fashion I don't really not care about, but I like let a lot of people have an opinion over. So one of my ex she was really into tight eye, So fucking out of nowhere, I'm wearing a bunch of tight eye.

My mates are messaging me like what the fuck's going on?

You don't wear a tight eye, and I'm like yeah, but like you know, my girlfriend, it was like, Okay, this is cool, this is what's in.

I mean, that was Lockdown twenty twenty everyone was in tired.

I yeah, a lot of people.

Yeah, I mean not a lot of blokes for it, or I would not have worn it if I don't think I was with my ex at the time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you think that you influenced in that way? I know that you've influenced one of your exes on how to dress. You want to touch on that, I was with him and his brother, and his brother brought up that he was influenced by you on how he dressed.

Let me say he just said.

That when you were with Anna, she had an opinion on what you wear. Josh admitted that he was lost in the way he was dressing anyway, he didn't feel comfortable, and then you just brought him to how he felt comfortable.

Well, I mean he would ask my opinion and he'd be like, is this cool? And I'd be like, that's not cool, that is cool. Like, you know, I know how I like to dress. I always have, and I think if someone wants my opinion on how they should dress, I'm more than happy to give it. And like as well, like if someone's wearing something that you don't think matches or is not really your style, you tell them right.

Yeah, definitely.

I mean I would be brave enough to tell my girlfriend to wear Yeah, I don't think.

Well, look, when me and Michael first met, he basically moved into my house very quickly.

He was staying at my house.

He was squatting, for sure, and he was staying at my house like five six times a week, and so he would come over and stay over, and then he'd have nothing to wear in the morning. So he started wearing my clothes like I have a whole box of trackies. I have like so many jumpers and they're all oversized.

He literally would.

Rock my clothes and it got to a point where he was like, I look better in your clothes in my clothes. So I'm literally not gonna wear my clothes. And then me and Michael started sharing a wardrobe. I was like, dude, I've got no clothes, and honestly, he has claimed some of my clothes.

Like I've noticed that, but at least Michael's wearing your clothes. I mean, I've been in relationships where I was wearing their ex's clothes the next day.

No, you have it, did you?

I still have one of the jumpers, And I remember Jen was like Oh, that's a nice jumper, and I'm like, yeah, it's Jard Woodgate's dad's jumper. Dead.

I was like, he probably wants it back.

He's probably going to hear this and he's troubly going to be like, you need to express posts immediately. Look, Matt, there's lots of different ways that you can mirror people, whether it's your friends, your family, or anyone in between.

Queen.

Some of the things that you do to mirror someone is sharing mannerisms, whether you're picking up theirs or they're picking up yours.

Like we said before, it could be your diet. I mean, you could change the way you eat, how much you eat, what you're eating, just to fit in with your partner.

Are you sounding the same are you using the same sayings? Do you both engage in baby talk? I think that one's a bit more partner based.

Do you guys engage in baby talk?

Yes, so we have known too, do you guys?

Yes. I'm actually so embarrassed.

We're talking about so many like hectic topics on this podcast, but I'm embarrassed to admit that me and Michael baby talk.

Yeah, Jenn and I do as well. It's not often, but when we do, it's pretty funny.

I wouldn't do it if anyone else was there, like under no circumstances. But it's literally when we're in the house alone, like there was a Hitten camera in the house, it would be mortified.

I think a lot of couples are the same as that. You've created your own language field with your own inside jokes and references. Do you have inside jokes with Michael Eilishly, Jen and I have one dating back to literally the first morning we woke up together.

Yeah, your music taste can be the same. You might start to like the same artists mm hmm.

Or your sense of style has changed to suit theirs or suit each other's, like we've touched on that's really big for me.

Yeah. Okay, these are all the positive mirroring signs. But what happens when mirroring becomes negative? We're going to be talking about that next. So what about the negative side of mirroring in relationships? When your partner is mimicking the way you show affection, empathy, or even emotion, This could be an effort to improve your relationship or exhibit a perceived connection and would make it seem like they are more invested than they truly are.

Wow, that seems intense.

I was thinking back, Matt, and I reckon that every toxic relationship that I've ever been in had a lot of signs of mirroring and mirroring in like not a healthy way. So, for instance, I remember with an ex boyfriend of mine, if I ever had an issue with him, and I would bring it to the table and I would say to him like, Hey, I want to talk to you about this. I'm not really happy about this. Instead of holding space for me and acknowledging what I

That's pretty bad. Like he got out of that. I can kind of relate to the same thing. Whenever I would feel any sort of emotion with one of my exes, they would then mimic the same emotion, So if I was feeling anxious, they had to be more anxious than I did.

Or like I was feeling sad all of a sudden, they.

Not even like a empathetic way. Yeah, an empathetic way like where they're understanding. It was more like they've got their own problem now as well.

I can't deal with it.

But yeah, and I'm like, just let me have my moment and then like we'll get to yours.

Yeah.

What about with ghosting? We spoke about ghosting recently on our podcast Do you Reckon that people mirror the action of ghosting, So, for instance, if someone is to ghost you, or if someone is to pull away, do you pull away as well? Mirror their actions because you're kind of like trying to copy them so you don't put yourself too far out there.

That gives me chills about when you're dating people and you mirror how they're typing and how they're texting, and then if they take too long to type back, you're then taking the same amount of time.

To text back.

It's a huge part of dating.

Mirroring it is, and it's exactly how I would date. If I was dating someone, I would always give them as much as they would give me, never anymore, never any less. I would always mirror the amount of effort that they were willing.

To give me.

Do you think that works.

Or absolutely absolutely.

The moment that you give a guy too much, they can retreat, and if you don't give them enough, then they get too needy. And then I'm a bit grossed out because I'm like, ugh, they're too keen.

I'll admit, you're probably right there if I'm not too crazy crash hot on a girl and they start going too much or just say he's off. But then if they're not giving enough, I will be like, oh y, double text and all that sort of stuff, so I can see what you do. They Maybe mirroring in that way is toxic, but it's not. We hate games, but maybe it is the game that you need to play.

Yeah, And like, mirroring isn't always toxic. Sometimes it's subconscious. So I think when mirroring is healthy is when you're just trying to make connections with people. You're subconsciously trying to align with them, And mirroring plays a huge role in getting to know someone and establishing a level of comfortability with each other, especially through dating Anna.

You know, I've done a lot of research about narcissists.

I feel like when we think that we've been in a narcissistic relationship, we all become experts.

We all have PhDs in narcissism.

Jen last because every time I hear the word, my ears prick up and I'm like, well, do I have a story for you?

I'm like, buckle off, I know everything about it. I believe that.

When someone's mirroring you in a toxic way, it is a trait of a narcissist, because I feel like they will try to copy you, to pull you in so that you think that you have a connection with them when you really.

Don't for sure.

So they come on strong, but they turn on you the second you disappoint them. So the moment that you do something that is not up to their expectations, they pull that attention away and make you absolutely come running for it.

All right, So let's talk about some of the narcissistic traits of negative mirroring the What are the ones.

To look out for?

Okay, this is a personal favorite.

They talk about how great they are, but they're also very insecure deep down.

That's a huge one.

Right, that's narcissist flag. They have a lack of empathy, or your relationship lacks depth. I've told you my PhD. I can go into this for hours.

They gas like you, skewing your reality and making you feel crazy. We've all been there in those narcissistic relationships where you know the sky's blue and they try to convince you that the sky is.

Green, and then they call you crazy for not believing them.

Correct.

They're always right, and they never apologize, but they can do fake apologies.

Can they.

I find that if you think that you're dating a narcissist and they're showing a lot of negative mirroring signs, those toxic mirroring signs, they really struggle to give a part and you really have to pull it out of them.

Well, maybe I was pulling very hard and I got it out of them, and it might not have been a real apology.

They also respond negatively when you pull away and want to break up with them.

Yes, and they struggle to build deep relationships, so around them, they probably not have a good relationship with their friends or their family, and even you, you won't feel like you have a deep connection with them.

Yeah, all right, It's that time of.

The show where we ask you to ask us where our heads are at.

Let's do it.

Favorite time of the show, Anna, we get to ask our listeners to ask us where our heads are at? Do you want to take it away with our first listeners question?

Okay, my friend at work has started to copy all my sayings and even my mannerisms. She always treats it like an inside joke, but now I'm worried that she's being a.

Little bit creepy.

Am I being too quick to judge? Does she want to just be friends or is there something more more meaning.

She might have a crush, or is she just doing this in a negative way? What angle do you think she's coming from here?

Look To be honest, I think that it's flattering if someone puts your taste and personality on such a high pedestal that they're willing to copy it. I think you can take it as a compliment.

Or maybe she's just like me. When when it comes to fashion and dressing, you do take a lot of inspo from the people that you surround yourself with.

Definitely a lot of my friends. If I see something that I'm loving that they put together I'll definitely pull inspo from it, so I don't think you need to take it in a negative way from what you're saying. If there's more to this story, then you might have to take a step back. But from me, it sounds very harmless.

Yeah. And if she's saying your sayings and mannerisms you're working together, what are you spending like eight hours a day together? I wouldn't think too much of it.

Okay, let's jump into the next one. One of my close friends made an offhand comment to me saying, I always change to match my boyfriends. What does she mean by this? How can I stop mimicking my boyfriend's personality trait.

Maybe stop hanging out with him?

Is it really a bad thing?

No, Well, it depends on what it is.

If it's something they just how they act, or if it's harmless, then yeah. But if she's actually like full copying him and he's like a fool, you.

Know, I think I think the friend sounds a bit jealous. If I'm being honest, I think we all copy our partnerhos. There's nothing wrong with it as long as you're not like a direct replica of him. I think there's nothing wrong with a bit of you know, all.

Right, we're both Kardashian fans, so let's touch on Courtney Kardashian fully changing to be with Travis Barker.

Yeah.

It's funny because if you look over the years, Courtney's style has definitely evolved from when she was dating Scott Dissick. She had a very lord yeah the Lord. She had a very preppy look. She kind of had her own, just like, very plain style when she was single, and then now she's gone full punk rock chick and she's own and I mean, she's killing it, and it's cool to change up your style. It's a different era of her life.

Why not.

Yeah, And if your boyfriend's there to encourage you and what to wear and gives you style tips on your partner, then go for Irahim. There's nothing wrong with that.

There's nothing wrong with it in my opinion, as long as you're not being forced to wear specific clothes.

Megan Fox wearing machine gun Kelly's blood around her neck.

Each to their own.

Okay, guys, on that note, that's all we have time for today.

Thank you so much for listening.

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Until next time, siyah hi