I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming.
She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of my kissing style.
With the boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's in a trash bin. He's non recyclable. Catching him up.
I love being love. I love love.
Where's Your Head At Is a podcast that talks all things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.
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Hello everyone, Hello, It's a bit of a sumber mood in the podcast studio today, isn't it. Matt?
Yeah, So again, been holding off and doing an episode like this for a while. Obviously, I guess like when you're not at one part of this journey, I've been on your sort of of healing and recovering, So jumping on here and talking about it is just going to open up wounds that you're obviously trying to and obviously nothing has been healed yet, so it's still opening up wounds. So see how we go. But yeah, Jen and I
have broken up. It's sad. I guess we broke up for pretty much the reason we've been on and off since late last year. We were giving it another go. I across boundaries that I disrespected her in ways that look I'm not proud of it. And when I actually it sounds like I cheated on her or something that nothing like that happened. It was nothing like that. It was more just in a way I wasn't loyal to her in situations that I should have been. I definitely
lost my way. I think that I was brought into cultures that are a younger version of me, and I should have been more true to who I am now and not Yeah, not done that stuff. And obviously it was too much for both of us, mostly her, and she broke up with me. Yeah, but I'd like to apologize to everyone that I haven't been speaking. I haven't
been open about it. I guess that like when so for like a couple of months, you're obviously healing, you're trying to get through it, you're trying to you're trying to get like an understanding of the situation and not talking, and obviously that's hard. We all know how hard going no communication is. But then we got to a point where we were like, okay, let's like catch up. And chat and then we've been chatting ever since, so like it's like, well, what do I come on here and
say we've broken up and now we're chatting? Like you know what I mean. It's just sort of like I said in the last one, how do I try and explain what's happening when I don't know what's happening? You know what I mean? I'm confused. So if you guys are confused, I'm as confused as you are, if not more confused. Yeah, but I realized that I have not power, but the responsibility and the due diligence to come on
this podcast and explain my situation. A couple of a couple of weeks ago, like just over a week ago, this bloke walked into the sauna and I and I called you afterwards, and I was pretty rattled.
And that was so rattled. He was like, the craziest thing has just happened to me.
I actually sat in my car for like ten minutes and just like cried to myself a little bit. So this guy walked in and I noticed him straightway. I don't like talking to people in the sauna. I just hate, I hate I just want to get in there and meditate to my own see metimes. Yeah, it's me time. But he walked in and I noticed him as he walked in because I looked at his like the way his frame was, and I was like, shit, that that
reminds me of like a younger version of myself. Like if he just you know, lifted a bit heavier, we could he could come to where I am. Like, I just I saw myself in the way he looked straight away, like tall, broad shoulders. And then he came and like I think he saw me look at him. And then he came and sat like slightly near him, and like
I could tell he was to get my attention. He kept like looking at me, looking at me, and I made eye contact and he's like you're Matt right, and I'm like yeah yeah, And he goes, oh, I listened to your podcast. I love it. He goes, do you have like, do you have any advice for me? My girlfriend just broke up with me. She said we're on different life paths, different journeys. And I was like shit, I was like fuck. I was like I was a
bit relevant. I was like she's and I was like mate, I was like, to be honest, man, I'm like, I haven't said this on the podcast, but like I'm literally in the same thing. My girlfriend Jen broke up with me for practically around the same reason. And I was like, look, I don't know what to advise you because I'm confused. I was like, and I just the more I spoke to him, the more I realized that, like so like just a list of points, went to the same school
as me. He's in sales like me, he's like tall at me, he just quit football, like his mom had the same job as me, his parents got divorced at the same age me, like an oversharer like me, Like was just literally the ticking all these things like me. And I was like, fuck, Like it was really fronting seeing myself in him, do you know what I mean? Like I saw a younger version of myself and I was like, fuck, Like what advice do I give him?
I just gave him the advice of like, man if I was just like, if you want this girl back and you see a futuree with her, like go for it. But like if like she's broken up with you to like because she doesn't see that. I was like, well, I don't know what to do, Like I don't know, Like I didn't know, and I was a bit confronted by that, wasn't I. Yeah.
Matt like literally called me crying and was like, I know this sounds crazy, but I've just spoken to the younger version of me. And I was like, okay, like what does that mean? Yeah, and like when you explained it more like I understood like what you were kind of talking about. But it's so weird that just after your breakup that had happened to you, because it was like it was just like almost like a sign from the universe.
Yeah, that you kind.
Of like you almost needed to see your younger self, and it's like, what advice do you do you want? Like what do you want for the younger version of you?
I also tell him as well. I told him as well because he was sort of like so he was like twenty one, and he was like, you know, she wants me to be doing this and he's like, I've very bought property, like she wants a house, and I was like to myself, I was like, dude, I was like, slow the fuck damn. I when I was your age, I didn't have any like it like spy house or do that. Yeah, I wasn't in a rush to do that. And I was like, I'm really grateful I wasn't. I
wasn't ready for that stuff then. And I'm like, and if you're not ready, and he's like, but I am, And I'm like, but is that what she wants you to believe? Is that what she's trying to make you think you're ready? And I was like, just stay true to what you want. And I was like, when I was twenty one, I was like on my second year of modeling overseas, you know, like I was blowing each paycheck. I got on going out and having fun and living
my life. And I'm in a situation now where I've grown up and I'm obviously like, you know, I've got I can look at the stuff that he's looking at, but I don't rush it, mate, Like if that's what she wants, that's not your timeline, Like do you, like stay true to yourself. I wish I'd given him better advice. But like when you when people say, like you're meeting your younger self, like what would you say to him? Fuck?
Like when you actually get the chance to, like, you freeze up and you don't know what to say because it's.
Pretty like confronting. Yeah, seeing someone and he's probably listening to this episode right now, so high to him. But yeah, it was a very very odd timing. But we also believe in the power of the universe and that the universe is always like trying to teach us a lesson, like, yeah.
We're talking about science, and like a lot of signs. Through the last couple of months, I've gotten a lot of signs on like what like if I should move on, and then I've got more signs that I shouldn't. I should work on it. Like it's really hard and it's like what scigence do you look at? What do you
you know what I mean. Also a reason that I haven't really jumped on the podcast and wanted to express such a gloomy topic and talk about this is obviously you've been going through such like milestones in your life and your engagement in that, and like I didn't, like, I'm happy for you guys are seeing all that and it's magical, but I didn't want to jump on here and like you know, have like an extreme high of like you're engagement, and then we come down to what
I'm going through, and I didn't want to be selfish about it and take away from what you're going through.
It's not selfish. And we've had this conversation like, at the end of the day, I've been through like the worst relationships ever and they've been horrendous, and now I'm
in a really, really happy place. But this is like, you know, this isn't the norm for me, Like I have been through like the worst of worse times, and I feel like, you know, you're going through a hard time and you can help a lot of people who are listening who might be also going through a hard time because being super happy, Yeah, it's amazing, but like I think there's a lot of people out there who can relate much more to what you're going through.
Because we wouldn't have started this podcast asked if dating was easy and relationships were easy, So we're not gonna come on here and say they are. There's definitely a lot of trials and tribulation, and I don't make it much better for myself obviously, I've I've had a lot in my life of like what I always thought, I just I knew, So how how else at the times I knew that I wasn't not hate the word normal. But I was different, Like the way I thought, the
way I looked at things was different. And my mates would always say, I would not want to spend you know, five minutes in Matt's head, like it just it would be fun.
Why because you overthink?
I think everything I don't have, Like I just would get anxious about staff, like a lot of like I feel emotions, like I think anyone that knows me knows how much I feel emotions and how much I feel sad is and how much I feel happiness.
And I kind of love that about you because you're very open and raw with how you feel.
Yeah, well a lot of my mates do, like they love that about you, but they just said like they wouldn't want to be me. And I know a lot of my mates as well, Like just the way I am it was so different to everyone, and I think that it was just like, oh, that's Matt, that's how Matt is. And I remember when I was younger, I was like these like ups and downs. I'm like, I shouldn't be like they shouldn't come as quickly as they do. I shouldn't feel so down when I'm down and so
up when I'm up like Internet. I was like, is this like bipolar? I was like, is this what it is?
So I remember you told me that you thought you had bipolar at one point.
Yeah, so I well, I went and saw a psychiatrist and they diagnosed me with bipolar and severe anxiety. And I was like, oh, okay, fair enough, Like I've just spoken you for two hours, that's what you think? Like it is? You know what I mean? My mum always to get a second opinion, but I was like, look is what it is. Like she prescribed me different medications for it, so I went on one. I did like the full three months for it to work. I just never found them ever like doing much for me, Like
they just literally just made me feel drowsy. And I was like like this stuff isn't this isn't like it's not for me. I know more I read up on I poll her.
I was sort of like, like, you didn't really fit the bell.
I didn't really fit it completely. Like they said that it's more like manic sort of depressions, like they go for a couple of weeks and you come up and that's not it. And I was like, no, that's not me. I was like I go like a like a like what Jen said, it was like a fucking rollercoaster with me, like one minute on Cloud nine and I'm just down. And I was like, so I don't think that was me. So I sort of like left it for a couple
of months. I sort of brought it up with Jen when she was like, like she said the roll the roller coaster story, and I was like, we just spoke about it, and then it took her saying so I met one of her friends and then like her friend saw how I was and all that sort of stuff, and then her and her friend got lunch a couple of weeks later, and then her friend was like, you know that I've got ADHD and I'm pretty convinced, if
not certain, that Matt has it as well. And Jen was like, oh, like what's like why do you think that? And then she was like blah blah blah, all these reasons why. And then Jen like brought that to my attention and I was sort of like, well, the Love Island psychiatrist said that when I came.
Up, Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
I said, like I think that like you have idio HD. I was sort of like Uncleoud n I'm coming off a show, so like, yeah, whatever, that's that's future Matt's problem. I've casted for another show recently, and the psychiatrist that did the interviews with me was like, I want to test you for ADHD before we go further. And I was sort of like, She's like, are you comfortable with that?
And I was like, I have lived twenty seven years with it because to me, ADHD was more like it was more like just at tension thing where like you couldn't focus attention, which I knew I couldn't do, but I just thought that was me. I didn't like school, you know, I mean, I didn't like focusing on little things that needed my attention for a long period of time. I just thought that was me. And I was like, if that's ADHD, like whatever, whatever, I can live with that,
that's just me. Then I explained to all this to my psychologist and then she said, look, when you told me that you got diagnosed with bipolar, I thought what I've heard from you is more eighty And I was like yeah, whatever, you know, like, well, I've had three professionals tell me that I've got the symptoms or not symptoms, like the traits of someone that has ADHD. And I sort of was like, you know, like whatever, to me, it's not like it's I can live with it, it's
what I've been living with. But then it's funny. It took a TikTok that came up in my algorithm and it was about someone with ADHD and how much coffee they drink. So yeah, like we've spoken about it a bunch on this on this podcast, and I was sort of like, it was like, if you drink a lot of coffee, you might have ADHD, so listen to this. And I was sort of like, but.
We both drink a lot of coffee.
Well, yeah, maybe you might need to, you know, look into it. But they said that because they always said just drinking coffee not make you feel like anxious or make you feel jittery. And I remember the first time I got brought to my attention was when I moved out and I was living with my mates and they saw my coffee intake and they're like, dude, how are you not having a heart attack? How do you not feel wird? How do you not eat you jittery? And I was like, Na, this is just me, This is me.
This is who I am. I drink a lot of coffee. IM addicted to caffeine. I would always say, if I don't have coffee.
I see flat.
I'm too flat. I feel normal with coffee, I always so, I feel like this when I have coffee, not like this. So they were set on the TikTok that people with ADHD search that for that dopamine intake that coffee has and that caffeine gives them. So it's not like an amazing massive dopamine here, but it's still like that dopamine comes from coffee. That's why they self medicate with caffeine. And I was like, oh, that's interesting, Well maybe these
professionals are onto something. So like I started getting more and more into this whole of like ADHD traits and how they're fucking meet to its. T he like literally mean like the emotional irregularity where you can't control your emotions.
You go from an extreme up to an extreme down literally a text message or out like a as someone canceling plans on you, or like a traffic light turning red, like you know what I mean, Like all this stuff can control your emotions and you feel it so impactfully and I was, so people have said we like, you haven't been diagnosed. I'm obviously seeing a professional now about it. Seeks professional help so I can get that diagnosed about it.
So when I know more about it, I think that we should touch on it a bit more and even do an episode about ADHD in relationships because from where I'll touch on later is it is definitely a struggle or a partner that doesn't have ADHD to understand someone, especially when your partner isn't diagnosed with it, when they're just saying this is me, like you have to learn
how to deal with me. And I think that was a real struggle for Jen and I was I was like, well, this is me, Like why can't you just come from this angle and you know you'll get this from me? And she sort of was like, but like why would I do that? Like do you know what I mean?
So you guys kind of clashed a little bit ean Jen.
On the topic of like that, like I was so stuck in my ways and I couldn't see from another person why they couldn't understand me. And what Jen has also brought up to me in recent weeks days since we've been talking since we've been going over our relationship and where we weren't wrong, and that was how how can I expect someone else to understand me when I didn't understand myself completely. I was just like, this is me. This is like just deal with it sort of thing.
Which is not the right way to go about things at all. Like I think in relationships it's given, take and you never want to just be like taking a leader, accepted or fuck off. But in the same breath, like you know, when things are right, shouldn't it be easy? Is the question that I have.
Yeah, But like since I've done more research and this is what I'm I'm not going to use ADHD as an excuse ever, so no one come at me and say you're using it as an excuse.
And you're also not diagnosed as of yet. We're not going to play doctor TikTok or doctor yeah, doctor Google. But there has been like three or four doctors who have said said to you that they think you have it.
So to go further with the like the things now that I'm doing it, going for a professional you to get like your reports and they need to go over school reports and all this sort of stuff. Talk to your parents and all that sort of stuff, So like I'm doing the right apps to find the diagnosis. Well,
what I said. What I said was like, if it was one or two traits, I'd be like, you know, maybe, but when you're looking at like thirty two to thirty five traits, just sort of like, okay, probably there's a safe bet. So I'm not blaming ADHD for the demise of the relationship. And like you said, we're not trained professionals, we're not playing Google doctor. I'm not going to come on here and like blame that. But it definitely made for situations a lot harder in the way that we
couldn't come to compromises. I couldn't compromise in my mind certain stuff I just struggled to and we clashed on We both clashed. We clashed were two, And what I say to general the time was we're two different people. Where a boy and a girl that starts off different people, come from different upbringings, different life experiences, and we're molded into the people we are, and we should never expect the other person to understand us or think the exact
same way we are. At the core, our morals and everything are the same. But if you take stuff that like everyday sort of stuff. One for instance is her growing up was you sit at dinner and you all sit there and you have dinner together. Right to me, dinner was never a thing. We wouldn't we'd come and go. You'd come like obviously when we were kids, you'd Mum
would serve ourselff and we'd sit there. But it would now later years from like twelve or thirteen, you'd come and go from like footy training, like sisters would have like kalis cens ballet training, like you'd come and go from different things. You would never be there at the same time. But to her family and that it was really important to all sit down and have dinner. I'd sit down and have dinner with her, but I just wouldn't. It wouldn't be the same for me. I'd just be like,
you know, like yeah. So that was an example of that. And to me was I put a lot of emphasis on watching a movie or a TV show together and she never did that with it.
That's what your family liked to do to get what we.
Like to do. Like I know Jay Shetty love him, but he says that it's a low value activity to do. But if you're growing up Barney, yeah, of course. Do you remember the song at the end of Barney Now, But at the end it was I love you. So me and my sisters would not watch that without my mum, so we would pause it. She'd be out doing the washing, she'd be doing the washing up, she'd be doing something. We would call it in and we'd all sit there and watch that together.
Oh my god, that's like making me emotional.
Yeah, every time. So like watching stuff with my loved one was what I put emphasis on. We still do movie nights every now and like then now it's harder now that we're all older, but that we put emphasis on movie nights. That's how we And it was sort of like that was sort of something that we both couldn't understand what the other one was like we did we would do it with the other one and we would make time and hold space for the other one
to do that. But it was just something that I was an example if we would raise differently, we have different expressions of showing it and we could never come to a resolution like we would We would hang out and do that stuff. But it was just like one of the things that like just and there was multiple things like that that we just were just not the same on, weren't a lining, but it weren't aligning on and it just ca for miscommunication.
And like, yeah, I'm not gonna lie, it's been hard seeing you upset and I know that you've been struggling a lot, like this morning. Yeah you cried before this episode, just to be transparent with everyone, like it's not been an easy time. And then obviously like celebrating my engagement party and then seeing you struggling. You know, all I want for you as my friend is to be at your happiest. And you know, like when you're at your happiest, like nothing can stop you. You're just like the most
charismatic fun person ever. We go through ups and downs in life, and you know, life can be challenging and tricky, and you've really like it's been challenging not just for you, but for also Jen. It's you know, like it would be amazing if you guys could have been smooth sailing, and that's what like what everyone wants, but unfortunately sometimes that's not how the cookie crumbles.
What makes it harder as well, is it's not clear, like breakup as in like you've done this, I don't love you or something like that. It's like stuff we're done that just you know, like it's crossing boundaries. It's hurt people, and the better thing was to take some space. The space fell into the same time as our least ending. So now where I'm obviously back with my mum. So you moved out, I moved out. I'm living with my mum.
To be fair, at the start, I begrudged it, but once I don't know with you, like once you give me back with your parents, and then like you just see how easy it is, how cruizy it is, and just having those people around me.
If your mum does your washing for you, Yeah.
I appreciate it. And like I even say to my eighteen year old sister because she's still living there, like you like, wait till you move out and you're washing, you don't have time that week and your class up, Like it's fucking you know what I mean? You appreciate all that sort of stuff as well as saving, Like I've just not paying rent and all that sort stuff. I'm helping mommy out, but you know it's just dramatically helping my savings but it's unlucky that the breakup fell
on a time that the lease ended. So Jen has moved in now with another house with her twin and her twin sisters Beyonce, and they're renting somewhere else and it's just you know, like I don't know, I haven't been to the house. Like it's just it's made it for a like more difficult situation and it's like, yeah, it hurts, like you know, like it was meant, like we were meant at the end of the lease move out and get somewhere, just like the two of us, and yeah, it sucks. It sucks now that we don't
have that opportunity too. I went to our house the other week to pick up some stuff that was left there and like just was like really eerie and like sad that like I wasn't there for when everything moved out and it's just an empty house and all the memories and that.
Yeah, and you're sentimental, like very that's gonna that's gonna hurt you and like hit hard.
Yeah, dude, just made it like really sad.
Makes it a bit real when the house is empty.
Yeah, remembering all those memories.
So Jens moved out with her twin sister, twin sister, and they just recently announced that they're pregnant.
Yeah, so that that as well, there was a bit of a thing on top that, like talk about timing, they found that out the day we broke up. Really yeah, so that was just Yeah, do.
You remember a week after Josh and I broke up that Luke proposed Remember that it was that a week after week after we broke up Luke proposed or was it a week before? It was a week either way, But it just it just makes it burns so much more because you're like, oh, like I think I could that have been ours?
You know, yeah, I think on both parties were sort of upset about that news and just didn't make things any easier, the situation any easier. It's been rough, Like you said, it's been a rough cuff. It's been a rough couple of months, and I've just you know, I've been doing my best to to try and move on, but like it's hard.
I'm like, yeah, obviously we want to say like congratulations to Jen's sister and her partner as well, Like we definitely don't want to take away from their amazing news. Just on a side note because obviously, you know, we're talking about you and like your you know, experience, but we obviously don't want to take away their amazing news. It's been it's a hard time for you, Matt, and I think there's probably a lot of people listening who
can relate to this. There's probably a lot of people going through breakups and like life isn't fairies and rainbows. You know, when I was twenty seven your age, I was going through my biggest breakup. But I was breaking I was breaking up from my partner of six years, and I was in a very dark place and it was fucking rough. It was not easy. It takes everything in you to like move forward, and it's hard. It's I don't envy the position, but also I feel like, you know, you can come out stronger.
Yeah, and I believe that, and that's sort of what's getting me through stuff. I say to general time like it's we'd not tiptoeing on tulips, Like life isn't tiptoeing and tulips. She hates that expression, that expression. I think it's a song, and I think I say it wrong as well. I think she googled it and she's like, you say it wrong. I think it's tiptoeing through tulips, but I say tiptoeing on tulips hard. Yeah, well that's the idea. You're like, you're on like your tippy toes,
like doing it Like. Life's not like that.
It's I'm getting visuals now.
Yeah, it's got ups and downs, and it's just like, yeah, it's rough, and.
I mean it's you know, it's interesting because we both have a relationship podcast. I'm going through the best time of my life and you're going through the worst of yours, and it's just like, you know, the contrast in our lives right now is just very interesting. It doesn't mean it's going to stay that way forever. That could very quickly switch. We could switch spots, and I think, like, you know, not wish that, but I'm just saying like I'm here for you. I know how it feels. It
fucking sucks, and you know you'll get through it. Thank you, I promise, thank you, because I did.
Yeah, it's been a rough time. I've done all the right steps to try and feel better from it. So one was and was your recommendation was I went back and listened to breakups, breakups and burn, and I took away a lot of the points that we gave.
How is it listening to breakups? That burn? Our episode that kind of went a bit viral in regards to breakups? How is it listening to the episode? Whilst in the midst of a breakup?
It was different because I was obviously talking about my last breakup. It was a bit different. I found it very beneficial and very helpful. I took down all the list of help to help me and I went through them, and I think they helped me get to a I'm not gonna say a healing, but they definitely helped with the healing process.
It's not linear as well, right, Like healing is just like up and down and all around. In one minute you're fine and the next minute you feel like trash. It's waves, it's waves, It's what is it? The Dean lewis the way it comes and goes, and it comes and goes in way.
And that was like someone said that to me at the start, and I said, fuck, they're not wrong, like and especially like how I feel my emotions, Like I could literally feel that motion and fucking hits home real hard.
I'm proud of you though, for going to the psychologist and actually like seeking to get a diagnosis, because I think it's probably I mean, at twenty seven years old, it's it's about time that you.
Actually, I think there's a lot of people at this age they're realizing it. And this is what they said as well was and then we said, like the TikTok thing and laughed about it, but it is. It's bringing attention to it. People on TikTok talking about it. Probably me talking about my experience might be like might click
for someone else. And I think that's the best way because there's been a lot of undiagnosed people that are in their late twenties early thirties that have lived their life just you know, always being that different, the different one in the group, the one that thinks a little bit different, the one that acts a little bit differently, I don't want to say quirky, but like a bit like it's a bit you know, it's a bit different the way they thinks. And I and I accepted that role because that was me.
Yeah, you're authentically yourself. Yeah, okay, well, look let's talk about some of the things that can help you if you are going through a breakup, like Matt, these are the points that we listed from breakups that burn, and we're going to go over them next. Okay, Matt. So the first recommendation that we gave to our wares your head Out listeners is actually to go no contact and to unfollow on socials. That's something that you haven't done.
We did unfollow each other on socials. You did go non contact for a little while, right. I do think that hurts, but like, I don't know, it's easier said than done. I know that, like we recommend that and people out there, but like, the anxiety in that period sucks.
It's hard.
It's so hard, especially when it's really fresh as well. Like I was seriously feeling the worst anxiety I felt in a long time. Because you're going from a norm of talking to everyone every day, like talking to them every day, having someone there to lean on for emotional support, tell them how you feeling, tell them like little stories that happened to you in your everyday life that like you don't tell your work colleagues, you don't tell people, you don't tell your mates, you know what I mean.
And then it's like, well, who do you talk to like for this, like what do you do? So it was a really it's a real it's the word adapting to that or a real shift in your life. It's really weird and uncomfortable.
It is it's hard, like it's definitely not easy, and like, you know, I'm glad that you did that at the start, just to have some space because obviously, like going to a break ups always like difficult. I think the worst thing that you can do when you go no contact is to think in your own head, like what are they getting up to? Because that's where you just drive yourself off the edge, like it's just too hard.
I think I took comfort in knowing that Jen was in the same situation as me, that we were both feeling uncomfortable with it, and while we're enjoying it, and it's not like we were doing it for any other reason than just trying to heal and trying to get like a little bit of clarity clarity of the situation. The next one that we had was stay busy and make new memories. So early on in the breakup, it was brought to my attention that I haven't with my mates.
We don't catch up unless there's drinking involved, and we've spoken about it multiple times about how we are about like drinking now we're sort of like leaning away from it, not going out and getting fucked up all the time. And I was like, yeah, this is true. Whenever I see my mates, it's always you know, like an engagement party, someone's birthday, beers at the pub, watching the footy. It was never just like a sober hanging out and chat
to my mates. So over the last couple of months, I've been making a conscious effort to go get coffee with my mates, go for a walk with my mates. I remember I went around to my mate's house and I just sat there and watched the footy with them, no drinks, We just got takeout and just sort of making those new memories where it isn't based around that
same culture of drinking. And I think that it's being very beneficial into my growth and my healing process because everyone and this is a this is a mentality I hate about breakups as well that everyone has is you know, I'll drink to numb the pain, Like it, what do you get it for? Like what a brief night you're drunk, and then like it makes you feel better? I don't know about other people, but you wake up feeling worse anxiety, you're feeling sick, you're feeling hungover, You're laying in bed,
You're not going out and making new memory. So I feel like, yeah, for that hair of the dog. Well, some people maybe can't like that, and I think that like, yes, that night will hurt, but feel that night with memories of maybe going to watch a movie or going to the theater if you're not with your friends. Yeah, activities that simulate your brain and they're not they're taking your
mind off stuff. And then go to bed, wake up the next day, go for a walk with a friend, go for a walk with friends and family and just you know, do stuff that bring more not joy into your life, but more like positive energy, energy and outcome. Yeah, not like not low frequency stuff. Or you wake up like going out drinking. Don't get me wrong, I have so much fucking fun doing that, Like I love doing that.
But then the next day it was like you're hungover, you're laying in bed, you're just dwelling on it, and you can't hide it because what do you use for dopamine in your brain? Social media? So you're flicking through there and it's like, oh, that's a dark place. Yeah, and it's not that I don't think there's much positive out of that.
And I think, you know, just to add to our stay busy, stay busy, but stay off social media when you're going through a breakoup, because there's nothing worse than seeing like your ex in like different people's stories, like their friends stories, Like it's just the worst. And then you're like, Okay, now I know they're out, like I do. I go to like a bar close to them, so
hopefully we jump into each other. Like all of the crazy thoughts that you think when you're very new single, like you want to avoid those at all costs, like blocking people who are in their circles, so you just meeting people.
Yeah, yeah, I.
Think that's probably a kind of way to do it, but you know what I mean, like not putting yourself in a position where you have like a meltdown because you see them out well and you start blowing up their phone.
What are you doing? I think that like the way I handled it in that respect was really good at my healing process and making me feel better that I did activities that stimulated my brain and you know, brought me long not short term happiness, but long term more game.
Absolutely Okay. Number three is find a lesson in the breakup and work on yourself well.
In the mind breakup. In my relationship, I think that Jen taught me so much. She taught me a lot about myself, a lot of bit maturing and a lot of growing up. And to be fair, I have a lot more to do and I don't. I think that I have done it a lot slower than a lot of people around me, but I'm grateful for what she's done there. She's definitely taught me a lot about myself. My lesson in the breakup, though, they're probably the big one.
And this isn't just for my relationship with Jen. This is actually everything that I've gone into, like with clients, I've gone into watching I know it sounds weird watching people in movies and like the roles they're playing and all this sort of stuff. Is that no one thinks that they're the bad guy in a situation, and no matter how much you try and prove your point across to them, or no matter how much, they're always going to write a narrative in their own head that makes
them feel more comfortable with the situation. So like, and no matter how much you tell them, there's always going to be three versions of a story. Absolutely their version of your version of the truth. And you can find a lot of peace in knowing that you can't convince someone otherwise you can't like they're going to be It take a very.
Very like emotionally mature person.
An open minded person to actually see from every side. And as much as like this, and like I said, this isn't just my relationship, this is everyday thing that I've realized about, like my moving back in with my mum and my sister, like just with everyone with you, like you just can't like everyone has their version of what's happened, and you can't really have it. I can't argue your point. You'll go blue trying to argue that point to him.
Absolutely, Yeah, you just have to show up being the best version of yourself, I think, and everything else falls into place. Okay, we said number four was get under to get over. What are you thinking of this one?
Matt still got the same opinion of that. I don't think it works. I know that you think it does. I just think that, like, like I've said, my whole life. Sex has come real easy to me. And I think that you pointed it out to me when I was going through my last breakup, that I was filling my life with just you.
Know, like meaningless sex, meaningless.
Sex, and it was taking away my energy and it was taking away your joy, my joy. Yeah, it was like I felt like a depleted, empty version of myself because sex is an exchange of energy with someone, and I don't like, I have no no qualms with like you the argument of like you learn that there's more
people out there and you see that. I get that, but I just think that the way I've done it in the past has been not toxic, but it has the like it's just taken away from me and taken away from my healing process.
So and that's the thing is things that might work for me might not work for you, and vice versa. Like everyone is different and these recommendations are specific to either one of us. But you know, people kind of like live their own reality and do what works for them, and just a remind us to always do what works for you. If I'm out here saying get under to get over and you don't believe that that's going to work for you, then, you know, listen to yourself and focus on you.
I respect that, Like you could learn that there's more people out there, and I get that and I could see that. But for me that that hasn't worked in the past, and I've taken a lot from my previous breakups to try and get me better.
Yeah. But if you are going through a breakup and all you can do is think about them and you can't get over them, then, like you know, for our listeners, maybe get under to get over.
Just a thought, is that song on the radio right now about that girl who she's going through a breakup and she's talking about going out and getting someone really doesn't relate to me.
I can't relate.
I can't relate to it. I don't know if she says something like, here's a little context if you explain finished position.
Yeah, I love that song.
I do like it. It's a catchy song, but the actual message you've had, I see that working. Speaking of songs, the next one is making empowering playlists.
So is that on your playlist?
That one is an I'll share mine if people want to hear it, put it on there.
Where's your head out? Facebook?
Group that would be good. I will well. There was one that our manager Anna told me about, which I actually, funnily enough, was listening to when she told me. It was another love you know that one.
There's been a lot of singing on this podca is Yeah, that one.
So I listened to that. I love that. When I go and runs. Another one is, which is so relevant to our breakup is last night one. That one is by Morgan Wallan. Last night. It's like last night we let the lit talk not the best Okay.
So I have a recommendation, and I probably recommended this last episode, but I can't remember because I haven't listened to it in a while. So I'm going to re recommend. It's called Bright Blue Skies by Mitch James, and it just like gets you up and about do you want me to play a little bit of it?
I can copyright laws, do that? How to lature?
It's like it's a really good records, good one. I can see the Bright Blue Skies now that you're gone. Anyway, one A great one.
There was another one. What was the other one? O These Days by Maclamore. Oh yeah, I love that one. That's suck. It's kind of sad though it's a full dopemine song. Though.
Do you know what when I go through a breakup, I love listening to sad songs and just like crying in the car, just like scream crying.
Like staring out the window. Yeah, what was the one the other day?
That feel better? Because I've had like a very high emotional reaction and then I'm like, Okay, sometimes.
When you're on a down, you need something to act like you're there and you're all right, I want these tears to come out. So you're like, I'll put something.
Sad on on, Yeah, like a Lewis Capaldi.
Yeah, and it just hits that like that's a little bit over so you can cry to it. How about this is? Do you remember Hamish and Andy were saying that, you know, raw by Katie Perry, If you're in a good mood, it's a it's a happy song, but if you're in a sad one, it's a sad song.
I've never thought of that.
In different moods and it can literally dictate like the way you feel. It's so good. I love that. Okay.
The next one is to book a holiday Matt. We're going to try and get away with the podcast to fulfill that need of your at the moment.
Yeah, because like I said, I had that holiday book to America and that's sort of fallen out of bed a little bit. So I haven't got anyone to go. Well, I do, but like they want to book closer to the date, which I'm just like, no, I need to see I need to go now, but I need to see tickets as well. Like so I know I've got something I'm working towards, but I'm not so unhappy about that. I have come to the conclusion that I want to say, for a deposit for a house. I know that you're
doing the same thing. I'm looking at different properties. I want to get an apartment. I don't have two bedroom or one bedroom, so very exciting. They're very exciting. So that's what I'm working towards now. So that's what I'm used, like you know, that's my sort of motivation, motivations, we're working towards that. I'm obviously at my mum's now, so I love it there. But like I say to her, I choose to be here.
It's been a hard year, like it's I mean, there's been some great things that have happened this year to both of us, but also like there has been some rough patches behind the scenes in your personal life, in work life. So like I feel like, you know what, if you're listening to this podcast and you've had a bit of a tough year, you're not alone. The second half of twenty twenty three is all of our year.
Year.
Guys, we're literally just like I think, from like June first, we're just starting again, like let's give each other until the end.
Of financial year. Yeah, yeah, this financial years are right off.
Yeah yeah, this financial year is done.
We started last year, so that's no wonder. You don't need fresh start.
But you know what we're manifesting. We're staying true to like all of our goals and like it's going to end up being the best year of our lives.
The next one is if your heart muscle is hurting, put other muscles in pain. So I've been literally like getting up every morning, running in the evening, then going sauna, just literally smashing that sort of stuff.
Yeah, you guys have probably noticed if you are a regular listener, then Matt just all of a sudden started just smashing the gym and started like being in the sauna every night, and this is the reason why, because it's really helped your mental health, and I think it's, you know, other than seeing your younger self in the sauna, it's in a really positive Yeah.
Yeah, I love the sauna. That's why I was so livid a couple of weeks ago on the hotline and somebody ruined the sauna. Dark and dogs. I need this more than you think.
And the final one is therapy, So talk to MAT's, talk to family, but talk to a professional.
I'm obviously talking to professionals at the moment, I find it very beneficial. A lot of problems in geninized relationship was over sharing to my close fuds. I feel like you've vent to your friends with them, so they hear the bad stuff, do you know what I mean? And then they're making an opinion which doesn't give the full picture of what's actually happening. So I like, you get pretty shitty, not shitty advice, but you get advice dictated
on the negatives and not the positives. They don't see everything. So I've been a bit choosy with who I'm talking to my mates. I'm talking to just the ones that understand the full situation and understand me and get it. But I definitely recommend your talking to mates and sharing with people that can give you advice.
It's also just like a problem shared is a problem halved, right, Like you don't want to hold all of the weight of your own problems on your own back. Like sometimes opening up to people it kind of does take a weight off and like there's nothing to be embarrassed about, right,
Like we all go through problems. No one's life is perfect, and I think being confident enough to be able to share that and to kind of say to people like, yeah, like everything isn't perfect and things are really hard right now, I think that's admirable.
Yeah, I've shou out to my mum obviously moved back with her and living with her. I've had her to lean on for emotional support a lot, so I appreciate that. I've been going on walks and chatting, So I appreciate that. Yeah, I think that you need to if you need to lean on someone, definitely find someone to seek professional help.
Yeah.
Absolutely, this is one that I didn't follow all the way through, which I wish I did, And I'll get if you can hear taking advice from me is write down negatives right like a hate mail. Don't focus on the good things, so when you are feeling sad, you can go back and read that letter. I know you've said in the past that you've done that. I started one in true spirit, got distracted by something else, didn't
get to finish it. But I wish I had done something like that so I could fall back on it when I was in and down and feeling in the dumps. I could read back on that.
Yeah, that's something that I did in my last breakup, and any moment of weakness I had, I was like, Okay, now this is all the reasons why it didn't work, and I'm gonna stick to my guns on this one. But look, we all kind of our own path from me and all the where's your head at fam, we are sorry that you're going through this really hard time and we are all here to support you. So we have an amazing community. We all care about you and with sending all of our well wishes, thank you for sharing.
Look, I've obviously been a hard couple of months. Jen and I've broken up. Look we're obviously on good terms now, we're chatting, we're open to whatever comes. We're hanging out every now and then, so see us out together. We're hanging out. We are, we're just trying to you know, if something as well that brought to our at tension was when we started seeing each other, we skipped all the dating stuff. We just went straight into like a
relationship because of the situation we're in lockdown. I know you did the same, but I think to us it was a bit more like so now we're just going on dates, we're just having chats, nothing, no pressure on anything, and we're seeing where it goes. We're both open to it. But I think a really big point that I know personally, I can't speak for Jen, but I need to work
on myself. I need to better understand myself. Always just expected people to accept the way I am, and I think that I need to come to some sort of place where I can, you know, make it easier for people around me to understand me. So I'm working on myself. I'm like, I listened in all those points. I'm like changed the way I'm living my life and I'm just trying to be better.
Yeah, okay, guys, well look that's all we have time for today. We hope this episode has helped some people that are going through a similar thing. Let's continue this conversation on our Facebook page. Make sure you rate our podcast. We will be giving away some merch to some people who are rating, and just send us a dam on our Where's your Head Out Pod Instagram once you've done that so we know who you are. Until next time, guys, thank you so much
Thank you, Bye bye.