LETS TALK ABOUT SEX, BABY…

I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming.

She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of my kissing style?

Boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's in a trash bin. He's non recyclable, catching her.

Mut I love being love. I love love.

On today's episode of Where's Your Head At, we have Doctor Tara, sex and relationship expert, to prescribe a hard hitting dose of sex advice.

Doctor Tara hosts her own podcast, Love Bites. She is a professor, author, public speaker, and coach. She is here to share with you some interesting tips and tricks on how to improve your sex game.

You've asked the questions and we're getting you the answers.

Stay tuned to hear how to spice up your skills in the bedroom.

Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.

This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, intimate details, advice, and much more.

Hey, doctor Tara, welcome to the show.

Hello, thanks for having me.

Welcome to Where's Your Head At? How are you?

I've just got to say that I love your tiktoks I come up with all the time.

Yeah, thank you so much.

Matt's constantly sending me your tiktoks and Hayes like, look at this, this is hilarious. You really have nailed this tiktoks. You're constantly in both of our algorithms.

Right, great to know.

So you're a sexpert, right, yes? Are you a certified sexpert?

I would say yeah, most sexperts don't have a PhD.

What's the training, Like, how do you get into that field?

Yes?

So I have a PhD in human communication, but focusing on relationships. And when I started studying relationships, I realized that the most common issue that long term couples have is sex. It's the number one issue. It's the cause of argument's, costs of divorce. You know, list is long. So ever, since then, I just thought I wanted to be a part of the solution of a big problem that's going on in the world. So I just chose to study sex and I started teaching at cal State

That's amazing.

So you're teaching lots of students every week they must be obsessed with you because they must all follow your TikTok as well as we do.

Yeah, they most of them love my TikTok And actually I asked them, like, if any of you want to film tiktoks with me, like, feel free to do so, just let me know. And some of them actually participate it really uh huh.

I love that.

So, what's the most taboo topic that you've covered with your students? And I guess online and with clients.

I think one of the most taboo topics that people think is hard to like except is like non monogamy. So it's not even particularly a sex thing. It's not like anal or you know, group sex or sploshing. It's typically it's the like non monogamy, and like, why monogamy might not be the natural thing?

Is that what you believe?

My personal belief is that there are many different relational dynamics that fits better with people of different personality. So there are people with personalities that are great for monogamy. There's also people with personalities that are great for open marriages right or monogamish a term that Dan Savage coined. So it just depends on your personality and how you go about life.

What is monogamish.

Monogamish is when you're like ninety five percent monogamous and like five percent non monogamous. Or another term is you're socially monogamous so you only date each other, but you're sexually nonalists, so you can have threesomes, you can go to sex parties, things like that.

Is there any monogamish relationships where one partner can be monogamous but the other one is free to explore.

Yeah, yeah, I've definitely witnessed that where the couple is in a monogamish relationship, meaning two people are allowed to explore sexually as long as there's good communication and honesty. But then one person just doesn't do it because they don't have time, they're not interested. So it really just depends on the couple.

Yeah, So what's the most common reason people come to you seeking advice? Do you feel what's the most common compliant?

So, as a sex coach, most of my clients experience similar issues, which is mismatch sexual desires or like sex less relationship, sex less marriage, and it's it's quite an epidemic. A lot of long term.

Couples have less and less sex.

We call it like the three year hump, five year hump, and ten year hump. How long have you guys been together?

We're not together?

Oh yeah, I've engaged to my film see Michael.

So yeah, are you guys in a hump or.

Are you No, We're not in a hump, but I mean in case we do get into a hump, Like, what is the remedy to getting over that hump?

Gosh, there are so many. It just depends on how much of a sexual variety you're interested in, because you know, you could revamp your whole relationship and attend like a sex party together. But then for some people it's like, oh, let's just start with handcuffs.

Yeah, so you know, it.

Depends on how much of a sexual variety you can like explore and embrace in your relationship. But the key for these long term relationship humps, the key is simple.

It's just hard to do and it takes effort.

The key is to continuously remind each other of how grateful you are for one another and to focus on each other more because the issue with long term couples is they get used to each other, They get too comfortable, maybe even get sloppy. And the one thing that I have noticed a lot of long term couple's experience is they lose desire for the other person completely. They don't even find their partner attractive.

Wow, And it's pretty I mean.

It's the reality.

It's pretty hurtful.

But there are many things that a couple can do, like introducing novelty, continuously date each other, focusing on each other, making more quality time. So there's many things you can do, but you just gotta make sure you put in the effort.

Yeah to say, and it wouldn't be just a quick solve of the like a solution to it, Like you can't just say, all right, let's get handcuffs and handcuff each other, Like, I think there's a lot of work that would need to go into that, a lot of.

Like absolutely, it's it's definitely scary for someone who's in I guess a new ish relationship. So I've been in a relationship now for officially about sixteen months, and it's scary to think that that's like on the horizon and coming.

I think the fact that you said that you're most.

Likely not going to experience it because the fact that you said that you're going to care, and the people that have this kind of issue they stopped caring.

Yeah, I know you'll be okay, Just last tight little number for Michael now and then again that should be all right. So you have a podcast. It's called Love Bites. Do you want to have to tell a little bit about that?

Yeah, So, long story short.

When I got a job as a professor, I was working towards tenure, and like in the American professoral system, becoming a tenure professor is kind of like the highest professorship that you can get to. So once I got my tenure, I thought, well, you know, what would be like a fun, exciting thing to do outside of academia. So I started podcasting And then that after I started podcasting, I got really good reception, and after that I just

It's been like such an amazing reception.

Wow, I can't wait to listen to this class. That sounds incredible.

You know, I just a young couffle and they've started.

And Okay, well, doctor Tara, we are going to talk to you about spicing up the bedroom next.

All right, so let's start it off with tell us a bit about the male G spot and how to stimulate.

We're getting deeper daddy straight away.

Oh, I love the male G spot conversation. So, the male G spot is about two inches inside a man's butthole, and typically you can experience pleasure through stimulation, some kind of stimulation. This could be even not inserting, but like massaging the tain area, like by pressing it harder and harder, you could feel also the pleasure through there, like taint massage is something that is apparently becoming very popular because I just did an article on Cosmo about that and people are interested.

Wow, yeah, definitely.

But then if you want to like move it up a notch maybe, which I'm pretty sure your listeners want to.

Yeah, let's go.

Is to insert inside a man's butthole and kind of feel the male g spot from there. It's two inches inside, and I mean you can just do finger and move it there kind of like the same fingering motion as when you would finger a vagina. Or you can also do a butt plug, okay, or you can also do a strap on.

Sorry for the ignorance, but is it like so you said, it's like a vagiina, so it's up, so you go up and turn on it and it's right there.

Yeah.

Well there you go, people listening.

For everyone, For everyone listening, Matt's like fully doing the motion to all of us.

You're getting it, We're.

Getting real get it.

Where just trying to figure it out, you know, just asking for a friend.

Would you want to try?

Yeah, i'd be.

I've said to before in the podcast that I'm willing to try everything and like if that gets you off, yeah, that'd be.

I'd love to try that.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like I like that saying like one of my friends taught me, I'll try anything twice that yeah, the first time might be bad, but the second time might not be.

So I'll try anything twice.

Okay, I'm gonna steal that expression. I love it.

Okay.

You mentioned edging before. What's edging?

Yeah, Edging is basically stimulating yourself until you're like on the edge of almost coming, but then you stop so you withhold the orgasm and you don't come. And like it works for men and women. People think it's just for men, Like women itch too.

Okay, and how does that improve your orgasm?

So for men, there's literature that shows edging helps with premature ejaculation. So the more you practice edging, the more you're gonna be able to basically hold the same practice when you have sex with someone face to face, like in real life.

So if you.

Watch porn and you masturbate, like try edging so that you don't come too fast, because then when you have sex with a person in real life, you might come really fast. So that's kind of the recommendation from like a lot of male sex.

Coaches is that like getting right on that vinegar stroke and then you're right there and then just holding it.

Have you done it? Have you guys done it.

No, I'm gonna try and let you know how I does.

So just part of my ignorance.

Do you mean like you almost come and then you just fully stop and then just go on with your daily life.

That would be so hard.

That would take some serious mental strength.

Yeah.

And then I guess what you're saying is then the next time you are heading towards coming and you actually let yourself come, the orgasm is much bigger.

Is that correct?

Uh?

It could be that, or it would just be that it helps you last longer when you're a man when you're a woman. Yeah, it could help you have a more impactful orgasm.

I've got lots of homework.

Oh yeah, I love edging.

Sometimes, Like you know, I will like watch porn or listen to erotica and then I'll like masturbate with a vibrator and then I would almost come, but then I would stop, Wow, just to tease myself a little bit, And then you know, I'll sometimes I will resume, and sometimes I won't. Sometimes I just go on and go teach at a university.

Does that not cause blue balls for guys?

It could, but it is a part of the practice.

Is that mini sex coaches would recommend males who experience like premature ejaculation or like sexual anxiety.

What's your what's your opinion on porn? You say you watch it.

I know that a lot of people in the round that we've interviewed before say that they don't.

Agree with porn. Do you do you agree with watching porn?

I think porn is rate in moderation.

I think that it helps people learn, like stimulation, it helps people get aroused, it helps couples explore other things. But I don't think it's good when you rely on it every time. So I know many people that when they masturbate, they have to watch porn, cannot masturbate without porn. I think when it becomes like a reliance like that, just like anything else, like you really shouldn't have to rely on anything. So when that's the case, then I think it's a problem. However, I don't vilify porn.

I think it porn.

It is fine, and I think there's a lot of good porn out there, But there's also some shitty porn that's like creating anxiety and terrible expectations for people. Because you see, like there's a lot of heterosexual porn where the man will come in like lift up the skirt and like just start fucking and like, you know, I'm like, girl, that girl's dry as fun. She was not wet waiting for you.

I was going to say, do you think that at watching porn at a young age from maos focks up there their perception of sex when it comes to.

The real deal.

You know, I'm gonna have to say, yes, it's a bummer, but I think, ah, I mean, when you're like fourteen and you're watching this type of porn, it's definitely gonna set some kind of weird expectations and can cause a lot of anxiety when you finally like get a girl and like try to.

Have sex with her.

However, there's this whole new genre of ethical porn.

Have you guys ever heard of it?

Yeah?

I have, Yeah, please explain.

Yeah.

So, ethical porn is made with like usually it's everyone's paid fairly. Everything is clear and transparent.

But the main thing.

Is all the scenes are made realistic, like a real encounter. Yeah, So there isn't you know one of these where someone like shoots squirt for like ten feet.

So you're saying that, you're saying the pawns when like the doctor comes in and these pat shoes and she has a patient.

Isn't real? You're telling me that that's not going to happen to me.

One day exactly.

No.

So it's like it looks like amateur porn.

Basically, it's like a real It looks like a real couple, and there's a lot of kissing. There's a lot of like just heat it and making out, touching, fingering, you know, maybe rubbing the booty hole whatever it is.

There's just like a lot of for play.

And then the sex is typically very like passionate and loving or maybe kinky, but it's never like super violent or something like that.

Yeah, it's super believable.

Like it almost looks like vlog style kind of thing, like you're influence a couple, like just like sometimes they do.

They're like, I mean this is something I watch.

They like record their day, and then all of a sudden they're just like showing each other some like boom, and then all of a sudden they're having sex. And it looks really like you're just peering into someone's life almost.

Yeah.

Yeah, you've spoken a lot about how couple should praise their partner during sex or after sex.

Can you touch on that a little bit.

Yeah, I think we should all compliment our partners more.

In general.

I think there is somewhat of a like taking your partner for granted after you've been with them like maybe one year. So I'm always like a huge supporter of continuously giving compliments to your partner, and that includes in bed. That's why, like praising them, giving them a lot of verbal like just shower them with like verbal orgasms. Yeah, is so great. And it's not like, you know, a

Yeah, I find that helps me get off.

When oh yeah, when you create that, when.

I hear like yeah, that feels like when they tell me that and they say, like, your cock feels so good and then I'm just like and literally with the seconds.

I have a question. What's you guys's favorite praise?

Praise?

I love when I get told how big my cock is?

Yes, I'll do that.

Yeah, I I've Yeah, I've got to admit that's that's great when they're they're doing their thing with it.

Yeah, I don't know. I think like your ask looks really good from this angle.

You're an ask girl.

Yeah, so when when they got you in life.

Don't you love that?

Yeah?

What's yours? What's yours?

Yeah?

Mine? Is your pussy feels so good?

Yeah? Yeah, I used to get.

I used to get told my pussy or cox home or something, and I look like, what it's where it's meant to be?

Okay, you talk about high quality sex? What is that?

High quality sex is the type of sex that when two people or more are done from sex, they feel extremely satisfied and fulfilled. And that's high quality sex. So when people ask me, oh, describe, like, give us three basically three characteristics of high quality sex, I said, it will all be different. For someone who loves anal. Anything else that's not anal is not.

High quality sex. Ok. Right.

For someone who loves bloshing like splash food all of our body and licking it off. Vanilla sex is boring, and non splashing sex is not high quality sex. So it just so depends on what you're into. If you are into sensual loving a lot of kissing and grabbing, but your partner is into like kind of more violent, aggressive, tough, rough sex, then maybe you have to communicate in order to meet in the middle, or have sessions that are different rhythm throughout the week so that both people are

I love, Yeah, I love aggressive like a quicky sort of like like I that's like a.

Lot of blokes like that.

I don't know, but like I like to just get in there and like you know, like it's hot, steamy and it's you know, yeah.

Like a spontaneous fuck.

Yeah, I love a spontaneous fuck.

I hate like the one where you've been laying in bed and then it's like, oh, like you're a relaxed you know what I mean, Like I like to come from you.

You don't want to feel relaxed, Yeah, like I want to feel stressed, and.

Then it's like getting to it.

Starts the wrong what about your It depends what mood I'm in, Like I love like sensual like slow, but then it moves into like really fun like quick, just like sweaty hot sex.

You know, like start off.

Like slow and like lots of foreplay and then move into like really like.

What's full play?

Are you having quigh quality sex?

Yeah? Well yeah, look I should probably I should probably sit down and probably on some fourth But like I said, like you said before, someone's high quality sex is a lot different to someone else's. So I said, do you find that a lot that a lot of people come in and partners and they can't find that middle and they can't match their high quality sex? Like is that a common Yeah?

Yeah, it is, especially when your preference isn't traditional. Yeah, especially when preference like let's say, if you're a very kinky person, like one of the people like Coach is a very kinky guy and he's into very very kinky, non traditional stuff, that's gonna be tough for you know, his wife to adjust like throughout their lifetime. It's gonna be hard for someone with like a very particular type of desire to continuously have high quality sex. And I mean that's just like the reality of it.

Right.

If if you're into, for example, and this is not my client, but like, if you're into scat play.

What scat play?

Playing with poop during sex?

I thought, sorry, I thought scat I just wanted to double.

If you're into scat play and that's you're like super turned on, You're like, oh, that's just so hot. I don't know how many times a week you're gonna be able to do that.

Yeah.

Yeah, So then again, you know, back to your point, I think, yeah, for some people, especially if your desires are somewhat non traditional, it's gonna be a little harder.

Yeah. Have you always been super sexually open and accepting or has this kind of been like an evolution for you?

Girl?

It's an extreme evolution. Anyone that knew me, like from my previous life is shocked. Really. I was a lot more conservative. I was a lot more I would say, objective and conservative. And I don't necessarily see sex as an important thing. I mean, granted, I was always like an you know, horny little kid like I remember being, you know, like twelve and like trying to masturbate with a bidet, you know, because in Thailand we have Biday.

Like I come to America, there's no bidet. I'm really sad.

They all have dirty assholes, but.

In Thailand we have bidets.

And I remember using bdet on my clip and I just like whoa, what was this?

And it was twelve and just like excited.

And I just have always been like a horny girl and like inquisitive. But you know, as you grow up and you're in this modern society where like sex is taboo, you kind of just suppress your interest and you know, get off elsewhere or in secret. So I've had just done that like throughout my you know, teens and twenties. Basically, this is this is new. This is like an evolution of I would say the last about like six years, I have really gotten into like spirituality and like spiritual awake.

Type of sex.

So yeah, and it's not like just his fault. Any when it comes to sex, is never one person's fault. Like you know, you're a part of that experience, and you're not communicating you and me, like you're not communicating your desires, you're not giving them feedback, you're faking an orgasm, so they think you're coming. So all of the things that I was doing was coming from like such an unconfident.

Low self esteem place. So I would say I grew a lot.

Yeah, speaking of faking orgasms, I was on a TV show with Matt and on.

The show, I actually.

Voice that I would never fake an orgasm. I was like, I will never give someone credit for work they haven't done. And there was a lot of like people were quite shocked by that, Like that was a couple of years back in twenty nineteen, and paper were quite surprised that I said that, Right.

Yeah, there were Yeah, yeah, because statistically, like half the women at least, this is the people that actually report the truth. Have the women have faked an orgasm? Right, Like, I commend you for like I'm not giving him credit for things he's not doing. I feel like I've been giving extra credit and all the you know a lot of guys that I slept with, which kind of a lot that I didn't actually come and I faked an orgasm.

Yeah, what do you think about the orgasm gap then that they've been talking about in the media recently about how like sex finishes when a man finishes when a woman does.

Yeah, yeah, it's really sad.

I mean we were socialized to like, oh, just be nice, just lie, white lie, it's a white lie. You know, just tell him, just tell him you're done when he's done. Like, oh, that was so good.

No, it wasn't. You know.

I think all of that plus you know, you know, I think plus the fact that like toys and clittoral stimulation hasn't been a part of like any type.

Of sex at talk forever.

That has a huge impact of women not coming because women need clatoral stimulation to come.

Absolutely.

Oh, I think bringing a vibrator into the into the mix is a godsend.

It's definitely helps me definitely.

Yeah, that's a great mindset.

Well, I reckon that.

There's that saying that men that are friends with sex toys go to heaven.

So God, I need a T shirt of this.

Yeah, a T shirt for any men listening, like they are your best friend.

Don't neglect them. It's so much easier.

Okay, So let's talk through nipple play because you speak a lot about that.

How can you incorporate this into your routine?

So I think nipple play is a good for play and midplay. And nipple play isn't just like let me stuck her nipple a little bit, let me like squeeze it a little bit. It's like extended time just focusing on the nipples. And because nipples have tons of nerve endings, it will help create so much more arousal and basically help women get wet more and help get their vagina like prepared.

That's why I always recommend nipple play in for play.

And this is like, you know, focusing on the nipples, maybe you're licking them, sucking, squeezing or just massaging in general, and spend a lot of time, like spend like at least five minutes on just the nipples.

I don't know that other people, but my nipples are quite sensitive. So like is that something you can overcome?

I guess nerves?

Yeah, about you just like push through sensitivity?

Is it sensitive in a good way or sensitive like it hurts?

It doesn't, but it's just so sensitive and like, ah, you.

Know how then maybe pushed through you could get nipple orgasm?

What that's the thing.

Yeah, so like one in three women can get nipple orgasm. I mean technically all women can get or nipple orgasm, but like that's how many people have reported that they have gotten nipple orgasm where you yeah, you get like tingly all over your body and like your volva is tingly basically an orgasm from nipples.

Yeah, my mate sat with a girl who had thats like the whole time she was asking him.

Too, I've never heard of this? How how have I not heard of this?

Girl? Men can get nipple orgasm?

Right? Really?

Huh wow? Yes?

Yeah, so I think men can get multiple orgasms through like nipples, through of course their penis, taint massage and like a little finger or a buttl in their butthole like that. They can get multiple orgasms too. Men think they can only ejaculate and like come through the penis, but there's so many different ways.

Yeah, and then let's talk about squirting, because I feel like that's something that can happen and a lot of women report, but not a lot of people can achieve.

Is that correct?

Yeah?

That's sounds about right, And based on like just me talking to so many people, I mean there's I have a survey out there, there's like five thousand participants. You know, it's it's not something that everyone can focus on to achieve, but the functionality, like the parts are there.

Yeah, so how do this? How was it a girl? Focus? Aren't so that it happened? How does it happen?

You know, it's so much harder like talking about it versus like showing. This is why there's some educational out there, Like there are porn stars that just do educational videos where they like will do squirting videos where it's like zoomed in super close and there's no like you know, it doesn't show like for a play or anything like,

That's urine ya.

When you just squirt, it's kind of like and you can kind of feel a liquid coming out if you're fingering, you can feel it in your fingers and hands, and she kind of just gets really wet, and it's basically ejaculatory orgasm. And in Eastern Or, I guess like tantra teachings, which is not something I'm trained in. I'm literally like I'm trained scientifically, but like I learned tantra about four

Energy is gone. Wow, which is like something else.

It's a little a metaphysical, but it's something that you know, it's an old age like teaching, and I find it's so fascinating.

I find tantra so fascinating as well. It's something that I've always wanted to do. I know they have like you can go to like a tantric teacher and actually go there with your partner and they kind of like take you through. And it's always something that I've been fascinated and interested in doing. I haven't yet booked anything in but it's something that I would love to do.

Report back. Let's talk about.

Consensual humiliation, something you've spoken about. Can you just take us through that.

It's a real fetish for this, isn't there?

Yeah?

Yeah, do you want me to step on your little fucking dick?

Wasn't it was? That was hot?

Have you been a dirty little whore? You have a dirty pussy? Huh? Your little whore? Like, things like that can.

Work for a lot of people, and you know, I give examples here and they're on TikTok just like it makes people laugh because they're like, whoa, that's unexpected, But a lot of people like enjoy it and psychologically, I mean, it turns them on. And you know, men will like get a boner from listening to things like that, because somehow I don't know that.

No. I mean, like I said, i I'm open talking.

Yeah, I'm real open to anything can really get me going, like I love it?

Yeah, it's hot.

Yeah.

I want to talk about why longer full play does increase sexual desire because Matt always jokes about how he hates full play, but I feel like we can convince him that maybe full play.

What is his word you keep saying?

So I once said that I'm going to do I'm going to do such a long full play, I'm going to root. Four plays can turn into sixteen play square rooting.

Yeah.

So, a lot of women have what is called responsive sexual desire, and a lot of men have spontaneous sexual desire. Spontaneous sexual desire is when you can get sexually stimulated and get aroused quickly. Responsive sexual desire, on the other hand, is where you can get aroused later. So that's why it takes time for women to get completely warmed up, get like wet pussy, and get aroused like, oh I

It means that she's ready.

And then another indicator is when she's a little wet or somewhat wet or very wet.

Yeah, So like guys can't get like have sex without being hard. Women shouldn't have sex without their clip being stimulated, you.

Know, exactly exactly, And I think, you know, there's also no shame in using lube.

Loop feels great.

There's some amazing loob out there. So I think at the end of the day, if you guys were like, let's say, if you were having long extended sexual play for one day a week, but you want to have you know, quickies two other days a week, you can totally use lube as well. Because the cool thing about women's bodies, you know, we're just so amazing. The cool thing about women's bodies is they can also get into

Yeah, you talk a bit about mutual masturbation. How do you think this could spice up things in the bedroom.

Well, first off, do you guys do a mutual masturbation?

Yeah, I've done it before.

Not at the moment, no, Yeah, I mean mainly when I'm hungover.

Yeah, way more would just slack, I'll get off and then she wouldn't sort of thing I would, but she's like nah, so.

Like I'll play with Yeah.

I think mutual masturbation is perhaps like a little bit more normal, like not normally common, more common for long term relationships. From my investigation, like a lot of the women will tell me I usually do that when I'm on period because like she won't want penetrative sex like some women love period sex. I mean I really like

Yeah absolutely.

Okay, Well, we are going to talk to you more about relationships and dating next.

So let's talk about what your thoughts are on the trends and culture of dating in twenty twenty three.

Mm.

Wow, So the trend is people want meaningful relationships, but they also don't feel like they have to commit in a monogamous relationship, so they want meaningful connection without like kind of labels.

Do you think that we'll start to say a lot less monogamy in the future.

Yes, I think we will see less monogamy. I don't know if it's a lot, because you know, the world moves in a way where you know, there's a natural movement to it, and there's a reason why it's only practiced by like, you know, a small percentage of.

People right now.

But I do think people are becoming more kind of open minded to the idea of like I said, monogamoush Like, okay, if we go about doing this mindfully, Like I'm down to have a threesome, right. A threesome is non monogamous because by definition, monogamy means having sex with one person. So if you guys participate in threesomes or going to

And more common.

Are you monogamous, I'm monogamish, Rash, what's your set up?

Yeah, Our monogamish is pretty simple, and I think it's like the mainstream monogamish, which is we can participate in like group sex, Like we can have a.

Threesome if we talk about it in advance, we.

Collaboratively pick a person together and maybe they are a friend. We can attend sex clubs. We can attend like a sex party or swing clubs. We can attend like lifestyle resorts, but we typically do things together. We can go to Amsterdam and have sex with a sex worker for fun, but we typically do things together. And we're socially monogamous, so we're getting married as well, and we're just with each other in terms of like relationship.

That's so interesting to me, Like there's just like it's your I feel like you're such an open person and it's really refreshing to hear you talk because I I think we rarely hear people who are so open and it's and it's great, I mean it's it's it's super interesting to me.

Thank you so much.

That means a lot to me, I'm trying to share like myself in a way that is authentic and helps other people feel more comfortable and not just like talk from the textbook. I know a lot of people are teaching things that are not they're not doing.

Yeah, do you deal a lot with jealousy because I just feel like if I'm putting myself into a monogamish type of relationship like you've explained, I would be so jealous with another dude.

I think because there's a lot of communication in advance, Like if we, you know, go into collaboratively picking a person, we have to like make sure there are rules in advance, like number one, you know, not spending too much time on the third person as much as your partner, but also taking care of them right, because like this is supposed to be like fun and somewhat like human to human like loving experience, even with your third So you know, we just have a lot of communication in advance that

This is transactional.

Yeah, but people can also meet like consensually at sex parties and sex clubs. And you know, we have a couple that are really great in LA, a couple that are amazing in New York. So if you guys ever traveled to New York or LA, look up in advance, maybe you attend one of their parties. Yeah, but yeah, it's fascinating and a lot of people have said that, you know, people they meet at the sex clubs are really nice and loving and kind.

Yeah.

Who was the person who kind of like open that conversation with your partner? I guess, like, were you the one who was like, I'm kind of open to this or was it him that brought it to the table, or was it you both mutually kind of agreed on it.

It was me, Well, how does he go dating you were who's so advanced in this sexual department. Does he find it a little bit demasculating or is he all cool with it?

No, he's really proud. He keeps telling people what I do. He's really proud.

He's also he's also a public person. So I think our lifestyle is kind of a known thing, and we're both proud of it. I think, you know, we're so I think anyone around us can tell, like we are so so so in love and we're like always on top of each other, and we're just yeah, like we're It doesn't in any way have a negative effect on us. And it's also something that I think, Okay, here's a

All the time.

Yeah, yeah, you don't.

Just you know, if people think it's like oh my god, slippery slope, like that's just gonna they're gonna fuck other people every day or you know it, sometimes it doesn't happen like six months because it's so you're so busy.

I mean, I have like four jobs.

Yeah, So it's just the thought of like knowing that it's there, Like, Oh, if we want, we can go get naughty when we're next time we're in Europe, we're gonna bip pop over to Amsterdam, have kinky for some with sex workers or whatever we want to do. Like it's just the thought of the fact that we know that that's available is great.

Yeah, what'sh what's your thoughts on like casual sex and like whatnot stance?

I think casual sex are fine, Like I feel, you know, a lot of sex therapists or coaches will say that that's like low quality sex or like someone will say, like, oh, I don't like eating fast food. I like eating Michelin Star restaurant. Like I'm like, girl, I agree, I also love Michelin Star restaurants. But having let that McDonald's French fries once in a while is not bad. Sure, sometimes you just want chicken nuggets, you know, like, and I don't.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

I think there's good there are there's a way to go about it that is fun and refreshing for all participants and as long as the woman comes, I think it's good.

Yeah. Absolutely.

What's your biggest piece of advice for sexual health for our listeners who are tuning in.

Have a sexy check in? Definitely regularly talk about sex with your partner. My number one question that I love asking my partner is like, for the last week, how would you rate our sex life from one to ten?

Okay?

I like, yeah, And we have set up our relationship in a way that we can be really honest, Like maybe some weeks I'm super busy and I have been attentive. He will go like, I think this week was a six because you know, like you've been so busy, we haven't had you know, a lot, Like we haven't had a lot of sex. Maybe we had sex ones and you were like you were kind of out of it, Like we have given it time to like give feedback, and now I don't take that as a bad thing.

It's still pretty hot?

Mister.

These are heading to a six.

I don't even get four points, so.

Always eight and above.

Okay, we have one final question for you. What do you think of the term fuck boy? Because it's thrown around a lot. What's your opinion on that?

Oh, I think fuck boy. I think boys are misunderstood men.

Yeah.

I think fuck boys are boys that are that haven't had an opportunity to figure out what it is that is the most fulfilling way to live their life, and so they take, you know, casual sex to be there like m O right, like, oh, I'm just gonna suck her and leave because that's the only thing, you know, because that's the only thing you know that you can achieve, maybe because maybe you haven't had the chance to develop something that's a little bit more long term and fulfilling

At some point they come out of it.

It's like it's like it's a temporary thing until they feel comfortable enough to explore something else that's more fulfilling. But I think, you know, to call it fun boy and just to be like oh fuck fuck that guy, he's a fuck boy, Like you know, he's a terrible person. I don't think that like being a fuck boy to being a terrible person. Like you enjoy casual sex, that's okay.

I agree.

I mean I've always said, like being fuck boys, okay, it's just don't hurt every girl you come across, be honest with them and transparent that you're not looking for something.

This is just casual sex.

This isn't exactly.

Yeah, and I think if you communicate that, both parties understand.

How can you define it?

Yeah, I just have I said one last question, but I have one more because it's kind of current in the media at the moment.

What do you think of slut shaming culture?

Obviously, you speak very openly about sex, which is super refreshing to here. Yeah, it's awesome, but there is still this big slut shaming culture. What do you think of that.

I get slut shamed a lot, really because of the content that I put out and what I stand for, which is like having amazing lots of sex.

Yeah, that's right.

And you know, I think slut shaming culture has a very has very deep roots, and sadly, the symptom of it is typically young, misguided men slutshaming other young women because they are uncomfortable with their own sexuality.

You would rarely see an.

Attractive, successful person slut shame women because they're too busy being successful and achieving. You know. It's usually the people that are not, like, don't a lot, have a lot going on in life, that tend to have time to judge other people and to even like have the space to like make videos and post about them. So at the end of the day, my approach to people that

I don't say that.

I approach it with kindness, like, hey, you know, what type of sex or what type of sex are you looking for? What type of relationship are you looking for? Sending your good energy, I hope you find your loved ones. Like you know, I I don't necessary I never attack people back because I don't think an attack back has ever worked on anyone. So kindness and sex positivity.

Absolutely absolutely, Doctor Tara, thank you so much for joining us in this podcast. It's been amazing. We've learned so much, so many times.

That we now know we could have gone for so much longer as well. I have so much more questions to ask you.

You like, yeah, we might have to get you back on the podcast.

Definitely look into that.

Yeah, this was a fun little threesome.

Guys, you could explore further into I've got so many questions, like you've put tiktoks about tickling the.

Balls, all this sort of stuff. I love it. I reckon it's amazing.

Thank you so much. We really appreciate your time.

Thank you, thank you, thanks for having me.

Well that's all we've got time for today. Guys, thank you so much for joining us.

As always, make sure you follow us on Instagram at Where's your Head at pod and join our Facebook group Where's your Head at FAM. We absolutely love how involved you guys are, so if you haven't joined yet, please do.

It's so much fun.

Also, don't forget to give us a five star review on iTunes, Apple Music, Spotify, or wherever you listen to our show. It really goes a long way for us.

I'm Ana Macavoyd and I'm Matt Sakowski. See you next time.

Bye.