I want the fairy tale, I want the prince charming.
She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of my kissing style with.
A boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours.
He's in a trash bin.
He's non recyclable catching them up.
I love being love, I love love.
On today's episode of Where's Your Head At, we are asking the age old question is he a grow up or is he a show up? And doesn't really make a difference.
We will also be sharing some tips on how you can boost a man's confidence in and out of the bedroom, as men can suffer from insecurity at times as well.
Matt loves a compliment and sometimes us girls are so used to receiving them that we forget to give them.
So stay tuned on how to stroke that ego.
Where's Your Head At Is a podcast that talks all things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.
This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, intimated details, advice, and much more.
Hello, mad, thank you for my tea. Matt's getting very good at making me a peppermint tea, which I'm very appreciative of.
Look, I understand that your love language is acts of service. So I'm just trying to make you feel good.
You're doing these ex boyfriends.
Couldn't had tea bag against some boiling water.
Yeah, it's a very simple process. How are you going today.
I'm good. I'm honeeded. I've had maybe four coffees already, so I thought I'll have a tea to you switch it up a little bit. That's too much caffeine in my body.
Do you know what I'm doing? Two coffees max now because.
You know me.
You know how I said, like last year, we were just going crazy with our coffee intake. I started off the year really strong, being like two cups of coffee and then I'm done. Then I'm moving to tea. And I've just in the past like two months, I've had a lot of stress on my plate and I've just realized my coffee into Like last week, i think I got up to five in a day in a day, and I think that's just way too much.
So we're back to two to get them.
Get them, guys, there's nothing that you should be proud of. Don't be proud of having too much caffee.
I'm obviously trying to save my money now everything you know, and I just learned. I've been told by my mates who own properties. They've said I was like, how do you get like, how do you get to that next level? And I said, just go without, Like they said, you just got to learn how to go without for a couple of months. And they're like, you know, like don't have to go buy that new shirt. You don't have to go buy that. You don't have to do this. And I was like yeah, I was like fair point.
And then I was like looking at my bank statement, I'm not the only thing that I am not going without is my coffee.
I know.
I come on here and I say all the time that I need to get off my coffees, but I don't get anxious from coffees. They literally make me feel normal. Yeah.
Do you know what's weird is actually this morning I was thinking about it because how we do it is whoever gets to the podcast first, we'll both buy the other one of coffee, right, But then I was thinking about it. We could actually get instant coffee, which is like about nine dollars for I think like ten sashets. And then I was like, just the.
One that's like you put into the thing that you made for me.
Like the next cafe type of one.
Yeah.
Yeah, And like we would save so much money if we did that. So I was thinking, maybe we could do that to save a bit of extra cash money on coffee.
Right, let's bring something to the studio. Yeah, that's save us. I can't I can't drink instant coffee, the one no thing that you scoop in.
Oh, but the next cafe one gives you the froth and everything, so it feels like a proper coffee. Like it's not a proper coffee, but it's as close to as you'll get from a little sat when.
I have when I'm at home and have the pods, I reckon I could go through double podmind you coffees, I'd probably go through like five. That's easy. They don't even touch the sides.
Yeah, you just That's the thing though, Like if you don't actually like mentally focus on not having too much, then you just you just go forever.
Like I said that, they don't they make me feel normal. They make me like average.
Fell that too, but like I just feel like having to much caffeine it's a good for you. Although I did hear a stat recently that said that women who drink more caffeine live longer.
So I was like, well, your heart's trained, your heart.
Yeah, I've been on the house hunt. I still have. How was that it's actually pretty stressful. Like I'm finding it quite stressful. We've been like pretty much like every weekend for the past couple of months, other than the engagement party. It's just hard because like when initially when we wanted to get a house, we were like, we wanted to upgrade. So right now we're in a two bedroom,
two bathroom apartment right in a really central location. We're very lucky and when you're renting, you know it is it's very like new and nice and whatever. Anyway, we started our house hunt and we wanted three bedrooms, two bathrooms. We very quickly realized that that was out of our budget and we needed to go to two bedrooms, two bathrooms, which is kind of what we already have. But obviously we're trying to upgrade, but then it's our own house
that we can't afford it. So now we've actually downgraded to one bathroom two and we're like at this point, like that we started, we started with high dreams and they slowly get gotten crushed as we've like realized kind of like how hard the housing market is to get into in Australia. Like it's crazy.
Hey, I think that's part of it though, when you go looking for a house that you yeah, and you learn that like what you want originally isn't isn't exactly what you expect. Like I remember when I first went out and looked at rent This is like we're looking at rentals, like you look online and you're like, oh, this one's nice, this one looks good, and then you get there and you're absolutely cat fished.
H yeah, it's a real thing. The cat fishue.
My mates were kissing ourselves at this one we looked at. They didn't have a light in the back shed like garage bits, so they like cable tied on, you know those fluorescent light globe things like this isn't even connected to anything, it's just there on the thing to let it look like there was a light. It was like I run outside of the past. And then they taped blue tape over it and painted it. So this isn't even legal.
It's not it's definitely not.
Yeah, So the like I could only imagine buying the.
Wide angles as well that they use. You're like, oh, this is a photo that I've seen has been cut shot on a wide angle because this room is tired.
So you so you still looking then, o'bo seen next weekend you're going to be looking as well.
Yeah, I'm kind of getting to the end of my rope though with looking, I'm just getting a bit like a little deflated. I found a couple of things that we like, there is one that we do like, but we're just what we can afford is at like one end of the budget, and I feel like everything is getting like sold for one hundred k over asking at the moment from what we've seen, even in like I went to an auction actually on the weekend just to like just to gauge, and the property went for like
two hundred and fifty k over. So I was like, if that's like what everything's going for, then like we just have no chance of even buying property. So I guess it's just something we need to weigh up with, you know, Europe coming up the wedding next year, can we really afford it? And it is kind of like things would be very tight if we.
Well I think about it now, it's as well if what I didn't, I think, you know, oh, you're just paying rent, like it's just the same as paying rent each week, but it's actually not because you've got like you pay the X amount and then you have like your interests on as well interest so it's more than just paying rent a week.
It is definitely And body corporate is like a whole other thing. And like there's nothing that we can afford that won't have body corporate because like it's either going to be an apartment or a unit and they all have body corporate. Like I went to this one house and they reckon it was going to be six k for body corporate a year and I was like, I love this place, but like, don't ask you to do the math. So like in two years you're paying twelve k.
Like that's arts, Like I can't affought that. Yeah, that's you can't afford that, Like it's crazy.
Was there a pool in a gym?
Ah? There was a gym, but no pool, So I mean six k. I'm like, what are we doing painting the sky high?
Like, actually, what are you going for? Yeah, well your weekend sounds a lot more productive than mine. I mean I did have a pretty productive Saturday and Friday, but then Sunday I was hungover, so I just laid in bed and watched Seinfeld.
Sometimes are nice like hungover kind of watching TV. It kind of was a bit holsome Yeah, I.
Love you know, coffee is just going and making coffee. It's just lying back to Baffe. Coffee is laying in bed. So I've watched a lot of sign Fad. I've gotten into Seinfeld. I think that growing up, you're either friends or Seinfeld were you Either I was friends, you were friends, or you're friends.
In my house, yeah, I've never watched Seinfeld. Like I didn't even well.
I was so like I had in and out of episodes. I'd be like, no, that's not for me.
Yeah, I thought, I don't think it's for me either.
It is so fucking funny, like it is like I'm actually in tears abou I don't want you get to know the characters really, Yeah, like it's so good. My mate when I was living with my mates, he was like, you need to watch this, it's so up your alley. So then I started it and now I'm addicted to it.
Really yea it's unbelievable. They had an episode, so if you're familiar with Siginfoul, you you remember this where one of them, George Castanza, went swimming in the pool and he was taking his bodies off afterwards, and the girlfriend walked in and saw that he had shrinkage. So his pess was, how do you put this?
Smaller than normal?
Smaller than normal? Which happened two men when they go swimming, because they asked Elaine on there the girl did you know this? And she said no, So did you know this? Did I know what a man's penis when they're old and when they Yeah.
Like when guys go I know that when guys go into cold water, Like I've heard like guys say like, oh my Dick's gone or something like you know what I mean, Like it's so cold that it's like gone into like the bullsack region, because like, isn't it right?
It's like it's heard, yeah, like the turtle goes and disappears. So I was like, well, like let's bring that to people's attention about penis sizes.
Let's talk about penis.
Let's do it, okay, And first of all, does size matter to you?
I think Okay, I'm gonna be really honest because you know you're gonna lie. It doesn't not matter. But I think anything like just normal ish size up, it's good.
How about that.
That's looking at me in disappointment.
No, I'm just me. You know the memes and they're like she said it was perfect and the guys like crying, you know those comments, that's like it's funny.
I think so. I think number one, the main thing is you know how to use it is like the ultimate thing. And also like you know how to use not only it, but you know other parts of your body on the woman. I think that's important to be like well educated in that realm.
So it doesn't really just come down to the size so that the penis. It comes down how.
They use it, if they know good angles, if they have good rhythm, all of that type of thing. Obviously I'm not gonna sit here and say I would be thrilled if Michael had a micro penis, which he doesn't, but like obviously size might matter in that scenario, and like that's if you're listening and you have a micro penis, Like I feel bad that I've just said that about your penis, but for me to feel satisfied, I think it just has to be like average and above by digging myself a whole.
No, it's fine. I think that's a fair comment. How could you sleep with a micro penis?
Like, well, you know, be able to feel it even if you exactly and you'd just preferred it, you know, just think if you have a micro penis, they now have like penis enlargement surgery, so like I just feel like, you know how like women feel insecure about maybe their boobs and they'll be like, I'm going to go get a boob job. If you might maybe have a micro penis, maybe it's time to look into some surgery.
When you said the penis in larger, and it makes me think of Austin Powers, the first one when he's like the Swedish made penis in larger. I swear it's not mine maybe and then she's like, it's like me and my Swedish made penis and larger and me and he's like, that's not my back.
That's the thing. Like guys pump their penises to make them big, to make the blood rush.
I've never seen that happen. I've never but I remember looking to like because I was thinking about putting it in my bush, could draw just you know, in case if I just have it in there for like, you know, what's this. There's no shame in using that if you're having an off day and you can't get absolutely bumping there.
If you feel like you want to, like exactly, if you want to make it a bit bigger, like why not. No one's complained had a.
Couple too many whiskey sours at the pub, so you're like, oh, geez, I need to get something going here.
Yeah, I have a question for you. Okay, have you ever been self conscious of your penis size? Because women talk about it, just like Willy Nearly right, Like I'm just kind of like yeah, like medium and above, like I'm happy with, like I don't want a small dick, but like, have you ever felt that pressure of like fuck, like personally it is my dicksize?
Okay, personally no, I haven't. I mean when I was younger, younger, like I'm talking like fuck thirteen fourteen, when I hit puberty a little bit later, so I sort of insecure then like yeah, you know, like I haven't grown. I'm not a man yet, but like and at school like I was never really like, oh, like in the change rooms, I'd get changed, but that was just.
Because I was like I still like, you're pretty confident.
Yeah, Like I didn't really care much about it, but I never had a complaint really about the size of my penis.
Yeah, but forget about like the women that you've now please in the current day. Like I'm saying thing before that, like surely you'd be like, is my dick's size, like, you know, is it? Is it big enough?
Every dude? I think when they.
Think about that, right, yeah.
About that, Yeah, I think I have hundred percent. Like when they're like, like I said, thirteen forty, maybe up to sixteen, they're like, oh, is this normal size? And I think maybe you sleep with one girl or two girls, and you realize, yeah, they'll let you know any roomors spreading that like you know, you have a small penis as a micro Yeah, okay, I'm in the clear here, Yeah yeah, yeah, I'm all right.
Actually this has just reminded me of a really funny story. So my ex boyfriend had a best friend and he I obviously don't know, but I was told that he had like in quotation marks like a horse penis, like it was huge, right, And obviously they went to primary school together. They were like long term friends, and he had got all of his sexual education from watching porn. And you know in porn the dicks are pretty huge, right, So.
Yes, the same, one of the same, but you know what I mean.
So like he's comparing his like willie essentially dick whatever you want to call it, to all of these like big porn star willies dicks, and he's like, fuck, I've
got a small cock. Like I'm very embarrassed. So when they were growing up, like if they were ever like getting changed, because you know, like when you play footy and you like all get changed, he would always be like covering his dick and he would never look at anyone else's because he was like i don't want them to look at mine, so I'm not going to look at theirs kind of thing, right, No, Like he was, so he was that self conscious, like it was a
full thing. Anyway, one day they were all in the change room, they're all getting changed, and someone catches this guy's dick and they're like, oh my god, your dick and he's like, fuck, everyone knows that I've got a small a small dick now right, and they're like, your dick is huge, and he's like, wait, what is it? I thought it was tiny and they're like no, like and then he saw everyone else's and he.
Was like, oh shit, I'm well in down My best mate has a huge cock as well, so growing out that probably wasn't the best to compare to.
Yeah, well it wouldn't be because then you're like, shit, is that the normal?
Yeah? He does, so he's he'd be a shower. I reckon.
That was my next question. Maybe he's a shower, not a grower.
Well, you taught me before we came on here that a shower. This is what I didn't realize, was.
I taught you?
Well, I always sort of grower just means you're like, you are bigger, just on a flop. Yeah, but you're happy, like you know, you're happy to show it. And then I'm a grower where when you get on an erection, it gets bigger. So I didn't realize that sometimes a shower it stays the same size but just gets erect. Yeah, so how can you tell if a man's packing some heat down below? Well?
It's interesting, right, because when you first meet a guy I think there's always like a I wonder what's like going down below the belt kind of thing, like it is something that you think about during dating, like who knows what they can be packing? Right, But research has actually found that if a guy has a shorter index finger then ring finger, then he is above average size wise. So do you have a shorter index finger than your ring finger? I do if I was a guy, I have a just But.
Do you know what I actually find is it's the people that over compensate and overexagger like talk about it a lot. That are the people that you know, might not have a big cock I feel like, and men over compensate and they'll be like, yeah, I've got a big dick. I've got to be cock, but they don't.
Yeah, like they say like big dick. Energy is kind of like someone who's confident, but like they're not over the top type of thing, but they're like almost like quietly confident and.
They certain themselves and they know.
Whereas someone who like you know, wants to start a fight or is over the top or who has.
A really nice cars.
Well, I don't know if we can say that everybody has a really nice car that's a still dick. I don't think we can say that, but yes, people do overcompensate for those things. It's spoken about so much in society, and yeah, like potentially that could be a thing. So Matt was asking me, this is like pre coming on here. He was like, well, you know you've had a few boyfriends. Sure,
you've had a few showers and a few growers. And I was like thinking back to it, and I was like, to be honest, there's only one person who I can recall being a shower. And it was like this guy who I dated very briefly, but he was like very like I don't know about like speaking generally, I feel like guys who are growers, like they're not like very confident or as confident about showing their flaccid dick, right, yeah,
like they're kind of like hiding it away. They're like they will quickly put their undies on, like they're not like, this is my flaccid dick. It's like way smaller, right, which, to be honest, like it's not a big deal, Like it is what it is. You're born that way. Let's just accept it. Like I wouldn't mind if like a guy I was just like this is it? Like who cares? Everyone knows you're going to be a grower. Anyway, there was this one guy and he was just like so
confident in the nude. I remember him like hands on hips like and I was just like Jesus Christ or mighty. But then it was actually like it didn't actually grow longer than it just got sat like it looks huge, flaccid, but then it was just like that size hard which is still big, but like you know what I'm.
Saying, just be like the normal size then when it gets harder.
Yeah, I think so, Like, what's what is an average size dick?
Okay, so the average size penis globally is five point five inches, right, so I.
Think that's smaller than I thought. What is that? What does that look like? Is that like this? Yeah? I thought the average dick was seven.
It's thirteen point ninety seven centimeters.
Oh that's pretty big.
You like that? Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, that's that big.
Then Australia's is five point two inches and has taken off three hundred Then the US is five inches. England we go back up to five point five and this one I found interesting. Greece. The Greeks is five point eight Michael, so that would be probably fifteen centimeters but that's.
Yeah, so Greeks have the biggest.
Well no, they went the biggest, but I put that in there because of Michael.
So what was Australians again?
Five point two?
Okay, so like twelves interesting?
Can a penis be too big?
I think yes, definitely. I think when a penis is too big, like either way, like we're all length, it does feel very uncomfortable. Like I've definitely heard people say there's like a perfect dick size, which is like an average to like slightly above average size, and that's like it feels good all the time. So yeah, I think
dix can be too big. But then again, like I don't want to sit here and make someone with a huge cock feel insecure because like you know, you can always like put it in halfway or you know this guy and.
It was literally just like he's not going in there, that's how big it was. And I was like, I was like, that is huge. What did you type the explore for you my algorithm?
It's so funny. Would you ever discuss this type of thing in your friendship group or is this like a chat you'd have with only like a girlfriend or a friend who's a girl.
I don't think we openly go, hey, this is the size of my penis. Like everyone knows my best mate has a huge cock, so like if anything ever comes up, like with Dale's, he's got the huge one.
So that's like what if Dale's a shower and not a grower, and you're all going around saying he has a horse Willie, But really it's just he's just showing everything he's got up from.
Well then he's me and my mates and him are misleading a lot of girls.
Then that's so funny.
But I think I've seen it at different So I think Jesus, did.
You guys talk about it, Like would you talk about like insecurities with like your dicks?
No, No, I don't think any of my mates have any to be fair.
Well, like surely like statistically speaking, that at least one of you would have like premature ejaculation, or one of you might struggle to get hard, like the things that you would chat about.
Another one of my best mates, all his laugh about that he has premature ejaculation. Yea, that he's he's already picking like by the time like he's done he's already picking his underwear, arughing. He's out of the house for thirty seconds. He's really quick. We always joke about that, but every guy has their days, their mistakes. These are a lot more common than the average.
Yeah.
Yeah, so he's he has he has a tub of climagra in his bathroom maga. So that is a sachet of stuff that you get. It's sort of like viagra, but it's not as strong. I don't think.
Can you eat it?
And yeah, you put it on your tongue and eat it and it makes you last longer. Interesting, So he's he might be insecure about it, or he might just want to know, please girls and not be too too excited. Wow, jump the gun too quickly.
It's a probably a good thing. Yeah, but you also don't want to be taking like medication on the rag, like it's a bit you know what I mean. Maybe he needs to just like I don't know, you can.
It's a mind mindful doesn't learn how to well. Yeah, when I feel like I below and I want to go longer, I do stuff in my.
Mind, like just distract yourself.
I'll think about like traffic. Mosquito bites dictionaries mass tests, do some quick math, really unsexy things, and I'm like, oh, don't, don't do it, Matthew, don't do it.
That's so funny.
Do you think that lack society thinks that dick size is important? There's a stigma around it, I think.
In general, Like I don't think women are as picky as maybe some men might think. Like you know, occasionally, like you can like say a throwaway comment like I would love a big dick, but like, realistically, most women I think want an average sized penis that you know, has a guy on the end of it that knows how to work his hips and do you know what
I mean? Like and like you know, dick is one thing, but like I think, having an emotional connection to someone and then there's some good dick attached to all of that. Just you know, we've spoken about this before, like it a lot. It just makes it so much better, Like it's not just about the physical. I think there's much more to it.
Well, maybe girls should stop saying those comments and making guys feel insecure about it and maybe compliment their men a bit more, do you reckon? Yeah, so they feel more comfortable. Yeah, men never forget a compliment, and I reckon that by every compliment I get given, I'll remember that one till I get my next one.
You probably have like a novel full of all the compliments you've ever received, just so you don't forget that.
My most racing compliment, I said that I'm such a great guy because I put the neutra bullet today in my bedroom because I got up earlier and didn't wake everyone up because the kitchen it will run up the stairs. She said. I'm I'm a very thoughtful.
Hearing you're a decent guy.
Decent so until I get my next compliment, that's going to be front of my mind.
Well, look, there are ways to boost a man's confidence, so we're going to talk about those things next. Okay, Matt, So how do we boost a man's confidence in the bedroom?
I feel like we focus so much on women and how they like are making them feel like comfortable in that maybe it's the time for like women to make a man feel more comfortable in there as well.
I mean, I think we can both make each other feel comfortable. I think not one way, like make.
Him feel like, you know, like nice compliments to them with what they're doing in that let him know when they've done something.
Well, the problem is, yeah, I totally agree. If if a guy in the bedroom is doing something that you like, that is the time to compliment them so they remember what they're doing. If they're doing something you don't like, don't be like this is amazing, because then they're just going to keep doing the same bad thing. Like I the younger version of me has made that mistake before and it's just made for a terrible sex life.
And they would keep doing that thing.
Yeah you're like owl owl.
But surely he would be picking up on body language and like, yeah, I know that.
But if you literally have said to a guy, oh, that's so good and then they're like okay, well noted to sell.
And then they keep doing it and you're like, fuck, I fucked this up.
Yeah, I'm like it has to end now, Like we can't keep going on like this. Yeah. Look, I think the thing is is you don't want to give a guy too much too early. But this is like, if you know, maybe you're exclusive, maybe you're in a relationship, you do want to boost his self esteem, you do want to make him feel good about himself, so maybe genuinely give him a compliment, whether it's on his appearance or personality. You know, as Matt said, guys love a compliment.
We do. We secretly act like we don't, but trust me, we remember every compliment we get.
Yeah. Absolutely. What about asking for his help, Matt, you have spoken about this before on the podcast and how excited that makes you to be the breadwinner to you know, help change a tire or Yeah.
When I like a girl, I do like to help him and like to. I remember with Jen when we started dating, her light bulb was out, so I was a night shining armor. I bought a bunch of different light bulbs and time because I could reach it and she couldn't reach it.
What made you feel needed and strong.
Masculine masculine energy that I that I need? Yeah, that's that's a good way of doing it as well. Maybe didn't we say one time? Pretend that the you've got a flat tire or a broken down car, and to fix.
It it's super easy. I actually have a friend who was dating a guy and she's a very independent woman and he was always asking her like, Hey, can I help you with moving? Or can I help you with this? And that she was always like no, no, no, I've got it because she did, like she literally had it. But then it made him feel inferior because he was like, well, I want to help you, like I want to I want to do something for you, and she actually never
like allowed him to kind of take that role. And like sometimes it is nice, like I'm an independent woman as well, but like sometimes of service, I think, so, yeah, sometimes it's nice to just like, you know, task someone, can you please do this? I would love it. Thank you so much. You're so strong.
It's such a good guy. You're such a good guy on that. Another good one is tell him how much you want him and how much you crave him. I love that when he says that.
To me about like a late night text or something, or just like a text in the day during sex. Oh yeah they want you and.
How good it is. I love that. Yeah.
So making you feel like an alpha man just like you're the only man for them type.
Of hot hot hot.
What about giving him enough attention and also just like listening to what he has to say. I think taking the time to hear about his day at work or to hear about like what he likes.
You find though a lot of some guys don't really open up with that sort of stuff, So I think it depends on what guy I know that like. But I feel like I.
Listened to.
I have to say that. I feel that you find that they actually do want to be listening to it. They don't feel like they can or have been listened to in the past. So make that space for that, hold some space for room so they feel like they can open up to you and tell you that sort of stuff, because everyone has to vent after a day's work.
Yeah, and like, if you're interested in things that he's interested in, then it gives him like a good vibe about you and makes him want to even open up more than he already is.
And like, I'll never forget the day that Jen told me that she wanted to watch the Marvel movies with me.
He still dreams about it.
Yeah, that's that sort of stuff. I love when they show interest to my interest.
And you know what, guys love being like an expert on things, and you love Marvel, so you would have just loved like having her there for the ride. She's like a first time watcher.
Set up a flow chart. I spoke all through who Yeah, I was talking through I had like Disney Plus with the remote and I was like, Okay, this movie comes next, this, this, and this, Yeah, the greatest story ever told Marvel.
Okay, let's think about boosting confidence. What about just flirting with them? Sometimes we forget to flirt with our men, even like, especially when we've been in relationships for a while. Sometimes I forget to flirt with Michael and just like, you know, make him feel special because you know, mundane activities get in the way. I'm like, Okay, what's for dinner? We need to clean the bathrooms, you know what I mean. But sometimes it is nice to just flirt and to.
How would you flirt with Michael now, like in a long term relationship, Like what's the definition of flirting because it obviously changed to someone that you've just started talking to.
I don't know, like pouring a glass of wine, or making dinner together, or like sometimes laughing. Sometimes we put on music and we dance together in the kitchen, Like that's really fun. Just doing things that we like have always loved to do, but just making a point to continue to do them. Also getting your partner to take you out on the date night and getting dressed up and.
Very important don't forget to do that.
Yeah, like if you feel good and they're all dressed up and feel good, then you do kind of want to get your flirt on. You're kind of like, well, this is a day, and you know it's probably going to end in some sex, some fun. I was gonna say that, yes, not sex.
Also, well, before sex, maybe give him a BackRub or head tickles as well. I know I was never really big on that sort of stuff, and then I started getting it, and fuck I love my head rubs. Yeah, a massage yeah, yeah, physical touch wasn't like that version of physical touch wasn't much of my love language. I thought it was more hugging, and I realized that like massages and that sort of stuff is as well. Yeah, I love that.
We love a massage. It's just like it's almost like foreplay, right, It's just like adding to the foreplay, but without like crossing those sexual into that sexual barrier region.
Well, all backrubs lead to sex, well not all of them.
What about building him up in front of your friends and family and his too, just so that it makes him feel really appreciated.
Love this one. I reckon This one's good. Yeah, I reckon all like, you should always do that to your man, or you should always do that to your partner. I feel, always build them up in front of your friends and family so they feel good. And then your friends and family have a what's the word, They have a good opinion of you, and they think that they can hire of you.
Yeah. Absolutely, Look, we want to boost confidence in the men in our life, and we do this through all of those things. But something that we don't want to be used for is just an ego boost. So we are going to tell you if you're just being used for an ego boost. Next. Okay, Matt, we've all been with those people who are hot and cold, who aren't exactly a boyfriend. Then we're not exactly exclusive with them, but they seem to somehow stick around, and usually that's
because they're using you for an ego boost. Have you ever done this? I have?
You know, I'll admit I've probably done this for the girl, like subconsciously not knowing that it's for an ego boost. It's more like, you know, I don't see a future with her, I just you know, maybe it's just for fun. And then like you've obviously set those because we know how transparent I am. So I always set those expectations with the girl and she will agree to him. But I think in a way she doesn't realized, you know, like that it's just because I want an ego bruce.
But then on the same on the other hand, I've been fucking used for an ego boos like a hundred times. Seriously, I've been used for an ego bruce that many times. So I think it's just like it's part of it all, isn't it.
I've definitely used guys for ego boosts in the past, and I do feel bad about it in a way, but like also like all is for love and war, and I think as long as you are being open about kind of where you stand, like I've always been open.
So like if obviously I've been on a few dates with a guy, maybe we've had sex, and then I'm kind of like, this isn't moving into a relationship for me, so I'll tell them that, but obviously, like I would still text them, and you know, if we're both out, then we could potentially both end up back at mine. I would classify that as kind of me using them. Well, like, sometimes it's not even about an ego boost, but it's just kind of like the flavor of the month type of vibe.
Or you could say you're dating.
Well, we're dating, but it's not going anywhere, and I would be definitely open to getting to know other people. And that's kind of the what I've made clear. But yes, if you're listening to what we're saying right now and you're like, shit, I could be that person who's getting used, we're going to give you some pointers on how to tell if that's happening to you.
He's on and off with his messaging, so he drops in when he needs some validation or attention, and then he goes to you most likely to go something to get the next hit of validation.
Yeah, have you ever dated someone and then like you're texting, texting, texting, and then they go missing and you're like what happened to them? And then it's like they're clearly on a date with someone else. And then like twelve o'clock the next day, they're like, hey, how was your night last night? And you're like, no, how was yours?
You see some fucking trauma host trauma Like yeah, man, it's a nasty world out there in the dating world. I mean I remember getting that all the time. And then when you hang out with them and you see that another guy or even I've seen their X pop up on their phone.
Yeah, yeah, that's the way, and you're like, oh, well that's.
Clearly who you were with.
Then now we can put two in two.
Yeah, now it makes sense.
The pieces start like slowly coming together. What about when they use you as a therapist, so there's like a lot of trauma dumping on you. They're offloading all of their shit onto you, often via phone. You know, they're talking about their exes on the first day, like that type of shit, Like that's a red flag on that.
Though as a guy, I feel like you would have to be awfully close to someone to start doing that.
I've gone on a first date with someone and they literally started telling me about why it didn't work out with their ex. And you know when it's like, I.
Reckon, they're not over their acts if they're.
Doing Oh definitely, he definitely wasn't over his and in fact, I'm pretty sure he was seeing us both at the same time one hund But like, I think it's just those red flags that you need to look out for when you are dating someone. Like if someone brings up their X and it's just like a very like passing comment,
that's fine, I think. But if they're like talking about their X and then they get onto the bandwaggon talking about their ex and they're like, oh, I found someone who's gonna listen to me talk about my ex.
Run, yes, run, don't walk away from that one. He only asks you out every once in a while, so there's no real like making plans like all right, let's I'll catch up with you next week. He's sort of spontaneously. It's just like but then again, that could be like cute in a way, but I feel like when it's more just like so like sporadic and there's no real intention behind it, I think.
When someone does that, it's kind of like they're making a point that you're not dating and they don't want to like go on dates with you too close together because they want them to be spaced out so that you don't get attached. And that's kind of when you can start to piece that puzzle together and realize, like, this person is definitely talking to other people and I'm definitely not their priority about.
When you would make plans with them, and then they'd be like, yeah, that sounds fun, and you're like sort of like, all right, well this organize a time and date, and they just don't.
Stress. They don't introduce you to friends or to family. That's a big one. It's pretty obvious choosing to spend their weekends hanging out with other people instead of you. I mean all of those things are pretty self explanatory. Sometimes I just feel like, you know, and especially as women, we make excuses like, oh, he's spending time with his mom's, he's talking to with his best friend, he's not spent time with him forever, and like you hear them kind
of give these excuses. But I think it's always just really good to remember that if someone wants to hang out with you, guess what, you'll hang out with them.
Yeah, one hundred percent. Like I feel like you and me, especially if you like obsessed with someone and you like them, you want to hang out with them. And I think that goes for a lot of people.
Yeah, people are all or nothing and like, ye, yes, at the start, they might kind of like give it some time. And also I think when people do start dating, like for instance, if you meet someone and then go on a first date with them and you really get along with them. That person could have three other people that they're talking to. You could still be their first priority now that you guys have had an amazing date, But like you've got to respect you're not exclusive with them.
And you know, that's the kind of hard thing about dating is you can't you can't really expect all or nothing from people because people are kind of moving in between different people and different.
Situationships part of dating. I feel like you we should never take that away from dating because you have to explore all those different options. Yeah, but I think that one is though, if you're with them and you're out with them or to say, just even at dinner or anything, out the bar or something, and they start flirting with other people in front of you, red flag, it's a red flag. Yeah, I feel like that's a red flag.
Yeah, flirting, it's just rude if they're doing it.
If they're doing it like subconsciously, you should know that you're with someone that you're dating that it's probably not the best thing to do.
And speaking of flirting, what about people who social media flirt? So I feel like we all know one of those guys who just has liked every girl's photo on social media. Like, I'm thinking of three of them right now, all of their faces, and they literally any girl where there's like a bikini pick or a really sexy pick or any sort of pick at all. Really, they've liked it, and we've I think we're all probably sitting thinking of at least three people that we can think of who've done that.
So that's a red flag.
It's a red flag. Who wants to date the guy who's liked every girl's picture? I mean, it's a gross.
If they follow a bunch of like Instagram models, red flag, red.
Flag, red flag bin Like, that's just a no.
Well, I only follow them because I know them for himself, probably works with them or you know, being to an event with him. That's why I followed. But I'm saying, yeah, like people that just follow random Instagram models, I think there's a bit of a red flag in that.
Yeah, he only compliments you on how you dress and how you look, huge red flag. And also you know that they're using you for an ego boost.
There, I've got to come in from the guys angle here. Maybe they're just really awkward at giving compliments, and they just could have literally point out the obvious thing, and they're not emotionally in touch and don't know how to even gauge people's personalities and emotions and know how to do with that.
Ooka, I get that, And like, you know, no one's going to turn down you look beautiful tonight compliment. But I think if you are going to give out you look beautiful tonight compliment, you could also give out a compliment saying, I don't know, you look really happy tonight. Your energy is really contagious, all of those things that make you feel like I am more than how I look.
And but a lot of guys, yeah, one hundred percent agree. A lot of guys aren't so emotionally in touch with their emotions as I am, so they would really not know that sort of you know that they look after you know what I mean? Like guys sometimes would be like not understand how to put that into words.
Well, if you're listening, now you know?
Now you know? Yeah, so I think that, Yeah, I think that it is if I think, okay, I'll tell you what. If they're saying it in a sleazy way, like what like, well, you're looking hot to know, Yeah, that's clearly that that's clearly they use I can't look at that now, but I wasn't. Yeah, but that's that's when they're clearly saying that in a way that they're using you for your looks. But if they say like, oh, you look really nice tonight, or you look beautiful tonight.
That's lovely.
Yeah, they're just probably not emotionally in touch to go like, you know, your energy is contagious.
What's your favorite compliment that doesn't have anything to do with your looks?
I don't mind that energy is contagious one, but it'd have to be valid to say to.
The girl, Well, like, you're a really fun person to hang out.
With, that I love talking to you.
I love talking to you. You have a very calming presence on me.
Do we love that?
Ma's adding them all to Matt things that I'm giving him these compliments, he's adding them to his novel as we.
See, are you saying them to me right now?
Finally, he doesn't show interest in your life. So if you're going on a date with someone and they don't ask you about themselves and they're spending a lot of time talking about themselves, big problem and sometimes Matt, you talk about your loss, I can't even say it, like without like fishing myself, I do.
I like to talking about myself. I find it easier in conversations to talk about myself, but it doesn't hurt. And I'm getting better at asking people about their days.
And actually like listening, listening and hearing them and then reacting to what they say instead of you know, sometimes when you have a conversation with someone and you can already tell their pre planning what they're saying before you finish what you've said, No, I'm not saying you know that's looking at me like guilty, like he's just done that. You've not done that. No, no, but I'm just saying like you know that, and like someone's not actively listening
to you. Like there's something like attractive when you're dating someone for them to listen to what you say and then react accordingly. Like obviously if you're on a first date and you're freaking out about what to say, have a question in the back of your mind again as the conversation flops, but like also actively.
Listen, yes, actually hear what they're saying and reply back to even if it's boring and mundane as fuck, and they're talking about their their par averaging golf.
That sounds bleak.
But if he's talking to you about that, he's got no game. Maybe on the golf course. What was a TikTok we saw before? You're either good at sex or golf. No man can be good at both. I've never I can't even strike it at the driving range. I missed the cold fall every time, but I never missed the the marsh.
I did not know where you.
Go I ship myself. I was like, I can't say anything too fun to you.
Okay, guys, that's all we have time for. We hope you've enjoyed this episode. If you have, then give us a rating. We are giving away some merch. So once you give us a rating and send us a d M on our where's your Head at pod Instagram and let's continue the conversation on our Facebook group That's where's your Head out? Fam? Until next time, seeya bye,