I’LL NEVER F**CKING SETTLE (ft. Josh Packham)

I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming.

She how do I put?

This?

Isn't a fan of my kissing style.

We have a boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's in a trash bin. He's non recyclable catching number.

I loved being loved, I love love.

On today's episode of Where's Your Head At, we will be discussing settling in relationships and whether or not to lower your expectations or standards.

We also have a special guest in the studio today, Anna's ex boyfriend, Josh Packham.

Stay tuned to hear all the juicy goss from Josh. Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.

This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, intimate details, advice, and much more.

Thanks for having me, guys, But that's a pretty rough title out there. And his ex boyfriend what about like Love Island cosar block runner up? Yeah?

Well, I mean they're all eligible like titles for you, But I mean you are my ex boyfriend. This is mine and Matt's podcast, so I just have.

To eat it. You have to eat it. I read it for you, Josh, we will run with it.

How are you feeling, mate, coming off the block?

Yeah, I'm still like over the moon is still sort of hitting home. So it's taken at least three or four days to try to just process what happened, and you know, I don't think I will process it for at least another week or two. But it's sort of sombar that the whole thing's come to an end. Obviously watching it back was very tough. Doing the block was very tough. So it's kind of gone on for nine or ten months now, so it's kind of like that chapter's closing.

Yeah, So it's a bit bittersweet, you'd.

Say it is. Yeah, even through the hard times, it's something that you're consistently thinking of all the time, Like it became my life. Yeah, So now that it's over, it's sort of a good thing that I can kind of not have to worry about, oh, what's going to be shown next episode and have that on my mind. But it's all I know for you know, a good period of time.

Yeah, so that chapter is closing. What's in it for the next chapter?

Next chapter? I don't think I want to do any TV like.

Retiring from the retire.

I think the public has had enough Luke and I've had enough, especially Luke. You know, he's got a family on the way. I don't think he really wants to do TV again, and you know, we're sort of a packaged deal. But yeah, I don't know. I would potentially do something, but it would have to be really interesting, like an SAS or some challenging like a survivor. But besides that, you know, I'll call it a day, I mean, and Luke would just focus on our business. Yeah.

Well you said that Luke has a kid on the way, which is very exciting with him. Yeah, tell us about the moment when he first told you he was going to.

Be a dad.

Yeah.

Obviously it caught myself by surprise and the fan I was sort of picking up on it. I could see that his partner Olivia wasn't drinking any wine. Lave your loves a glass of wine, so I was like, what's going on there? Yeah, you know, there was some telltale signs, but yeah, it's still that shock moment, like, Wow, you're about to have a baby. You're going to be a dad, Babby Luke. Yeah, the picture but it's very real and

Has this news made you think about having a kid now?

No, I'm not really kind of just doing my own thing for a while. Obviously I want to have kids at some point in my life, but at twenty eight, I still feel young. You know, I've got heaps and mates that a dad's and you. I love that, like once you have a kid, you love that last style. But it's something that I feel I can do later in life.

So I feel like you've got a lot of Josh has got a lot of strong single single years, left a lot of.

A lot of life to live.

A lot of.

Yeah, I want to travel, I said, a lot of lives to live in.

You're so disgusting that I don't keep the numbers like you. It's all good. Yeah, I think you know. I want to travel. I want to go to Europe, have a good time, do thing overseas, and then you know, then find a partner.

Yeah, I mean I think it's funny because obviously you and Luke are identical twins. Right, technically, this baby is going to be somewhat what your kid's going to look like.

Right, Well, yeah, it'll have fifty per cent my DNA, so it's a little weird. I can't feel about my baby, That's what I was thinking.

It's kind of like Olivia. This sounds like off, but like kind of like carrying your somewhat child.

Oh, I don't want to picture that. I can't think of it like that.

It got all that I didn't think it was going for this podcast.

But yeah, no, it will be obviously more hands on with Luke's kid because we're twins, so we're prettingly close. So it sort of will be a good good practice, I guess for when I'm ready in maybe ten years time, maybe four or five years too old.

All right, So on that talking about coming on this podcast, have you listened to any of our podcast episodes? You have any thoughts about what it's smoking about here? Yeah, you want to clear the air, you tell your side of any stories.

I mean, obviously I listened to the first episode, and then when Anna was going to be mentioning our breakup and relationship, obviously I was going to have a little listening. So I have listened some things obviously I agree with, and then other things I was like, oh, hold on, that's not the full story.

You have a platform now to tell the viewers.

You need to clear anything up.

I mean, in our relationship, it's very hard coming off lovel and it's a perfect well sort of what Anna said, But when you come off, then you're in the stressful environment of normal life. And I think we found out pretty quickly that we weren't meant for each other. And I think it's just because we have very different love

Gifts I reckon, No, I do, I reckon your acts of service? Okay, definitely, because.

I'm definitely quality time, and what's the touch?

Can't be all of them? Are?

I mean, I'm covering.

Someone that's going to provide all words of affirmation.

I'm definitely words of affirmation and physical chart. This isn't this isn't a ganging up session. Hold on a second, a second. I used to like do really nice things for you. I'd like, bring you a coffee in the morning, and I'd buy your gifts and I wanted that return to Josh, and you.

Were able.

We go.

Making me coffee for one. You know, I don't even drink coffee you brought me maybe maybe that's hold on, hold on. You might have brought me in three or four t's for me in bed during the relationship, because I don't even want that. Then you were sort of like, I would really like you to make me a coffee. I probably made you a coffee four or five times a week, every morning. One percent, one hundred percent, Yes

It was it was not like that you're a bit ungrateful what I did for you.

At least two hundred coffee is compared to about five days.

Look, I don't want to get into an arguer with you about who make more teas coffee relation.

I'm just saying how I didn't bring it up.

You talked about the fact that like you thought I was like quality time, and you were saying.

It, I genuinely think your access service. Yeah, from what I know of you, I think your access service.

I'm definitely quality time and physical touch. I do like acts of service, Yes, yeah, it's top one.

I think I think you gifts to you.

I don't because gifts.

She just didn't anything. But that's the thing. No, no, that's not true, because like if I'm in a relationship, I will happily buy a gift on Valentine's Day, Birthday, Chris mess and the anniversary. That's four gifts a year. But you said, you know you're not buying me any gifts. Like outside of that, it was just like sometimes you mean, like if we went shopping, you would be like, you know,

I'mosh, I really very gosh on this one because with you, I'm agreeing I don't like buying gifts.

It's completely fine for you to want that, but I don't know, I don't want to buy the gift. If not, it's going to become I feel obliged to do it.

Yeah, I mean, look, I don't like buying gifts. I find it really awkward to give a gift. Receiving gift ye comfortable for me.

I think it was more so like in our relationship, I would say that occasionally I would go out and bring you like surprises or like remember we went to like I don't know that, like Adidas that time, and I bought you something, and like I like to buy you like little things here and there, and I just wanted you to maybe like buy me flowers occasionally or write me a note, which is I guess more act of service. And then so I think you think I'm

Yeah, but I think, like Matt, if someone is giving us a gift, then we feel obliged to have to return that favor. Yeah. And then if the partner's in on your case even more about it, then it becomes you know, something that that's weighing, you're down. I have to get the gift. Now they're going to be.

Pissed, Whereas like the mentality I need in a relationship with someone who's going to be like, oh, they did something really thoughtful for me, I really want to do something thoughtful back, not not Oh now I'm obliged.

To be and that's fine, that's fine. But I think for me personally, I would prefer and be more students, someone who's more in a sense just in involved in quality time, because that's me to a tapodges. You love all five, you might all five.

It's okay, it's okay to say it's fine. Wow, well on that. Obviously, you guys for a bit there weren't really on talking terms, quite angry at each other. Now you guys clearly are on talking terms. Talk me through that, talk us all through that. We get here. Yeah.

Obviously it started off rocky at the beginning of the breakup, just weren't talking at all. But time heals things and then you know, realized what it was. The relationship. It was toxic, very toxic. Lots of fights. Sometimes my fault sometimes and his.

Fault park sometimes I fault.

Under, sometimes your faults. Do we want examples? Do we want to? Do we want example?

Continue?

I think we should just.

So, Yeah, but then you know there's no point fighting. Obviously we went through something heart together, which is love Island. We've got that experience. It would be a shame if we weren't friends and able to talk to one another. So I think we just both got over it, and you know, we're able to become friends, which is good.

To what extent now is your friendship? Do you guys seek advice from each other? Do you guys come to each other with relationship advice?

No, not not close friends, close friends, but to the fact, like after the block, you know, and a call and say congratulations, I'm very happy for your sort of thing, and vice versa, or a happy birthday call, like just something nice, nothing over the top, like hey, how's your day going. It's not like that, but just nice keeping contact sort of thing.

Yeah, it's good. It's healthy to have that sort of relationship with your X. I think yeah.

And I think as well, like Love Island, like as you said, as you touched on, Josh, is such like a unique experience, and I mean we're all bonded from it. But like obviously we won the show together. It was like, you know, we just kind of got like catapulted into this like different world than when we left. And I think, you know, it's a bonding type of like experience, so it's nice to still remain friends.

A lot of the listeners would have watched you on the block obviously they all want to think the same thing. Is it as stressful and as hyped up as it is on TV?

Yeah, it's definitely very stressful. It's physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually draining. You only see such a small fragment of what's going on. You are basically project managing the hardest projects literally three months. There's always ten trades, they're all different trades, and they're all trying to jump over one another to get things done.

Okay, So watching it back, you really felt like you got a bad edit.

Yeah, I mean there's a million one things I would love to say, but I'm careful as much as you're done. Then yeah, well obviously you guys know Luke, Luke and I. Well, I would probably say with the good, the bad, and the ugly ugly Yeah maybe bro love Yeah, And I think Luke and I were good for the majority of the show. Like we always a lot a lot of fun. We're always laughing. We had heaps of fun with Keith and Dan were they told us their favorite this season

Yeah, obviously with that came a lot of hate through social media. A lot of people, Yeah, I got slams. How does one deal with that sort of stuff?

There's two ways you can deal with that. You can either get really upset and pretty much fire back at them and try to defend yourself. But there's no point doing that because that's what they want. They don't know you as a person.

You've got almost comp mentalized.

You do have to just pretend it doesn't exist. Don't go on to the block page, for instance, and read all those negative comments. You need to think what sort of person watches reality TV gets so upset and personally attacked by something they are seeing, going, I'm gonna make sure everyone knows how I feel about them, the little spoiler brat. So you know, you just have to pretend like you just have to see it for what it is. You know, happy people don't go on and talk shit about people exactly.

People that are happy with their own lives aren't going to go on to that platform.

And yet one hundred percent there's a good saying if you have have a problem with me, that's fine, give me a call. But if you don't have my number, then you really don't have a reason to have a problem with me.

I love that.

That's ad.

And it's true. I mean, there's so many keyboard wows out there. They're always looking to start on someone, and I think if we gave each one of those people our energy, we're doing ourself a disservice.

Yeah, I agree, And it shows the strength of you and Luke that you can handle that sort of stuff. Obviously the normal person can't take that much.

Man.

I mean, from from time to time I would buy it back. I can't help yourself. Like all that one so wrong. I really just want to say something.

But imagine Luke.

Terrible if Josh has had a five Luke, yeah, loose.

A bit more erratic than me. But at the end of the day, you know we got the last laugh.

Well, exactly the result.

On the weekend, and you know that's what we wanted. All those people sort of have to eat their words. So many messages like this their house sucks, they're going to make no money. Worse contestants ever, so walk away with half a meal coming second. You know they can't say anything really now besides be bitter. Yeah jealous.

So yeah, exactly like you said you had the last laugh. What you kind going to do with all that money? Because half a million dollars like that is life changing money.

Yeah, it's a lot of money, and it really hasn't sunk in yet. But obviously Luke and I we want to start our business that will be importing artificial grass and we'll have it as our own brand. If we can get it into a big store. I mean, this is really pushing the boundaries. If we could get it into like a Mile to ten or a Bunnings, that'd be great, but chances are slim, so we'll try. We'll absolutely try with the block thing you get mighty ten.

And at the end of the day, you guys got the last laugh, and I think it does turn the perception around when you've done the second best and you're going up against the favorites of block contestants and you guys have somehow come out second, So that speaks for itself, right exactly.

Yeah, you know, Running and Georgia, Mitch and Mark, they're both professional renovators, so they know what they're doing. So that's why we had to be very confident on the show, because you have to believe in yourself. If not, you know, you're just not going to be able to go ahead with your big ideas with any validation. So that's why we really stuck to our guns. You have to take risks on the show one hundred percent if you want

It was.

It was being on site and I was a broken man. I was going to say that week ten and eleven, I was so tired and exhausted. I was half of who I was.

I was going to say that before. I remember rocking up one morning and like I was talking to you and I was like looking at you and I was like, mate, you're like a shell of yourself.

Yeah not Josh, No, just like the lack of sleep, the stress every day, that environment you're living on a job site three months, Yeah, it's tough.

The two in a bit weeks I spent there. I was like getting snappy after Like it was exhausting people just running around you know what I mean, Yeah, wasting heaps of energy.

But I remember seeing you, man, you were very snappy. I was like, this guy needs like ten a good nass.

Nothing goes to plan, like they always trying to fuck with you.

There's always issues going on.

Well, yeah, I thought with all the stuff that happened with us that they'd make a lot more thing on TV, a lot more, but they didn't put any of it on. So I was thinking to myself, imagine the stuff that they do to you that doesn't make TV.

So much doesn't make TV. Yeah, so many good moments which I wish they would have shown. Then it's kind of going in an opposite direction of where they would like to persuade an audience to feel about Luke and I, which is fine. You have to accept that, but it's still very frustrating for us to sit there and watch that.

Yeah for sure. Okay, Josh, we're steering away from Love Island and the block we want to know. I know this is super weird coming from your ex girlfriend. Tell us about your love Jeez.

What wouldn't you like tonight? You do want to know?

I don't know if I want to, I want to know, give me a private call.

Oh yeah, I mean I moved home for a little bit, so obviously it was quite slow during that time time frame. I'm out of home now. Obviously, during lockdown, it's not much you can do. So, you know, I've recently only just been able to start seeing people. Nothing serious right now, but I'm not I'm not afraid to get in something serious if it's the right person. But I'm quite happy just doing my own thing, seeing people from time to time. If it's right, we'll see if it can regress if not.

You know what they say, when you're not looking, that's when you might stumble onto that's the right.

Yeah, this is right right time. When you don't want to find someone there, they just appear.

Yeah, it does happen, Yeah it does, but happen to that. It does happen.

Yeah, I mean, I'm not getting any younger. I feel young still, but the number twenty eight son Scheming probably want kids in my early thirties, so I probably need have been at a ship around the thirty yeah, to have that. But that's you know, I don't stick to plans in my life. Yeah, I'll wait until I find the right person, not going to rush into it.

Like you said, do you want to do Europe again?

I'd love to do Europe. I might find her there if I find the right girl before then. You know, I would really have to be the right person to want to change my plans that I've had in line for myself.

Yeah, I reckon you might like find like a nice English girl. You love the English act.

I love American accents when I was in America. I love the sweet American girls. They're so nice. It's so time and Americans of the English girls yea even like a good New Zealand accents really do. Yeah, they're really just chilled out and cool. So yeah, I think I will probably be with someone with an accent.

I thought that. And because the fiance is English, Yeah, I can definitely see you with like an international woman.

Yeah, I think I can too. Yeah, Yeah, I think that's definitely probably something I would like. So I don't know which one.

Yeah, call out to the international to this podcast, I have.

To say, find him at Packham Underscore Care. All right. So this brings us to today's topic of settling in a relationship. Let's jump in, okay, Anna, So what is the definition of settling in a relationship.

Settling in a relationship means being ready to accept less than what you want or deserve. When you decide to settle in a relationship, you choose to accept things that you deeply know don't sit right by you. The fear of losing the one you love is the main reason why you could be settling.

It doesn't mean just settling for somebody's looks. It can also be settling as in for somebody that you wouldn't normally go for within like their financial status, their personality, like they might not even touch all your love languages. You're just settling because you feel like at that time, that's what you're accepting.

Yeah, I mean for me personally, I've only settled like once in my life. No, no, or maybe towards the end. But there was this weird time in my life where I was like, oh, I probably want to get a girlfriend. And the girl she was really nice, but she was definitely not right for me. So the relationship only lasted three or four months. It was just that period where I was feeling real needy and thinking I need to

Direct them before after our relationship.

This is before. Was there other things as well in your life? Like was Luke with Olivia or was there anything like that and you're like, oh, maybe I need to get a girlfriend. Was there anything?

Yeah?

I think Luke was. Was he with Olivia at that time? He either was or had just finished being with Olivia? Yeah, I just hadn't had a girlfriend for maybe three years and was thinking, oh, you know, it's probably time for me to get a girlfriend. Yeah, and obviously a lot of people are like, oh, you should probably get a girlfriend. You've been single for a while, Josh, and then it just led into a relationship and it was just completely not right.

Right.

Well, there's ten signs that you have settled in a relationships. So the first one is you are comfortable putting up with deal breakers.

There's external timelines that are pressuring here, which I guess is kind of what you were talking about before.

Yeah, I don't want to have deep talks about their feelings, their emotions, everything like that.

You're constantly scared of missing out. So there's a constant fomo of like, oh, my friends are out and like I'm not there.

And I think that one's very hard to always accept.

Is that all like grass is greener On the other side, think yeah, that sort of vibe.

But I guess if you're in that headspace, you just constantly feel that and there's nothing that you can really do, so you just feel like.

Then you get into it and you're like, oh, this doesn't work. You're trying to change them and be what you actually want them to be.

Like and not what they actually are. You have to put yourself on hold, so you're not putting yourself first, You're putting them first, and so then your needs aren't getting met.

Your enthusiasm for the relationship is declining. You fear loneliness, you justify everything they do, all that sort of stuff.

And then the last one is you're frequently comparing your relationship.

To others after reading them out. And we know Josh says he's settled. Have you settled in a relationship before?

I've never settled in a relationship, But I'd say at the end of the relationships when I probably should have maybe cut it short, I might have stayed longer than I should have. So I guess we could classify it as settling.

I think I settled.

I think you're just an incredibly needy Matt.

Well, no, that was it was more just like the timing everything. I was just like, well, we're going to this normal time of like lockdown, and that is the person I was seeing at the time. Yeah, this works, and to go into a lockdown, he's scary, and I was probably very deep.

I needed somebody, very very dependent. If if your track record talks for itself. Matt, you have jump from relationship to relationship in the past a bit.

Anim was going to cut up.

That's the.

Massive breaks I've had. What I had for two days, I've had four days my most recent one. What I've been single now for nine months.

Yeah, that's his long as.

Four years, four years.

But I feel as you had your ex girlfriend who was Yeah, definitely they fucked buddy at the time. She was so I guess like you were. She was meeting all your emotional needs, but then you were still getting to be single.

I was getting there, getting the best of both.

You're very lucky.

For those four years I was.

I was looking on cloud in reality here like they probably should make this official four years later.

Four years later.

I think with settling, it can definitely come when you have low self esteem as well. That's when you're going to be the most vulnerable. You're probably willing to put up with more to be with someone because you don't think very highly of yourself. You know, I probably have been in that situation the past as well. And then

The problem is is that when you're in a toxic relationship, which we were, and we both said we were good times, great times.

We learn from those times.

Yeah, you learned. But what I wanted to say was, when you're in a toxic relationship, your self esteem is actually at its lowest, So you're in a place where you're probably not happy. Your self esteem is low, so you're like, I need to get out of this, pawaway, take these steps, and I think that's like a really like hard pill to swallow.

I guess it could also be past traumas as well. You've had your heart broken by someone and you think your self esteems low and you think I don't deserve much better. I can tolerate this sort of stuff, or your previous relationship, you're used to that sort of stuff, and you're used to feeling that way when you shouldn't. You should lift yourself up and know that you deserve better and not to settle. Yeah. All right, So I feel like in my last relationship with Kira, I settled.

Get it right, made from a lawyer.

So do you reckon that both you and Kira in hindsight feel like you settled or at the time you both knew you were settling the time. I want the hindsight thing, is my question.

I think hindsight. Yes, I don't think at the time you feel like you're settling. I think hindsight, and I feel like she'd say she settled for me more than I was younger, not in the same financial position of her, all that sort of stuff, whereas I feel like the opposite. I was younger, I have my life ahead of me, so I feel like maybe I was.

Oh my god, I just got very woman here.

Well, do you guys feel like you settled in your relationship with each other? Yeah, I would say in the back end, not at the start. Coming off the show and all that other start of the show.

Of course, there was warning signs, probably from both ends that it probably wasn't going to be long lasting, you know, not just.

Coffe in she wanted she on to coffee in the morning.

So well that when you guys meet each other on Loveland Directing, you settled for each other and there was no one else or no.

I think we got on really well. Yeah, conversation was very easy, especially in that sort of environment where it is pressure, there's a lot of cameras around, you don't always feel yourself and it was quite easy to chat to one another. We felt at ease, so you know, that was fine, but we hadn't dealt with outside stresses.

Yeah, whereas like when we met on Love Island, it was like a holiday who were like having a holiday romance. And then not long after, I mean then we were going Melbourne to Sydney, so we weren't really like settling back to real life. And then we went to Bali together on holiday, so we were like living in this kind of like unrealistic bubble.

Would you say, Yeah, it was an unrealistic bubble. And I think, well, when we got into the relationship, I don't know if I was one hundred percent ready for

Was it evident to you that he didn't.

Feel like I just knew, like obviously Luke was single when he came out of Love Island, and I could sense that, like obviously they're twins, and like all of the other boys pretty much were single. You were single, and you guys were all going to like what was.

It like in the club tours?

And Josh was like a lot of fun. I wanted to go in the club.

I was happy to go in a relationship, hanging out with the guys I was. I was more than happy to do it, hang out, have the full experience of the show. It's once in a lifetime thing. And you shut that down, You're like, you're not gone. And then I felt and I could have gone as well. I said to and I said, you know, you can come. You can be in that hotel. I would chill the boys in the club and then come back the thing. She could come to the club as well. You weren't asked to go.

I think it was more like Josh went into Love Island. Josh went into Love Island, and I think you probably thought I'm probably going to come out single. Really I've been single for a long time. Like we're going to have this really fun like experience after and all the boys will do club tours and there'll be heaps of girls around us and it'll be fun. And I came out and I was like, I'm in a relationship, got my new boyfriend going and a couple's holiday.

And you're watching us looking at you guys having a great time being paid to do it as well, and financially I had just left my job, go on Love Island. So I was unemployed, so that sort of cash from that was going to be very important to me as well. I mean he did just wour just won, of course, but you know, twenty five k sometimes can go very very quickly and go in the blink of an eye. When you have money, it just goes. So it is

It was like I would be really upset if you will.

It was and it was as strict you're not going. There is no chance you're going.

There's so much Joshua II.

Something I'm like, no, No, it was definitely a strong no.

Josh you said to me that our trip to Bali, you're so glad that you went on it, and we had some fun.

I said to me, I had done both what.

You said to me that. You were like, I'm so glad that I came on this trip. We've had so much fun.

I had a great time. I mean, but like I said, I could have done by behindsight change the fact I could have done both.

Do you think and maybe you should have let him go, like he could have got some money from that, he would have been that resentment.

I just didn't feel any trust. There was like straight off of love on and I was like, I just want to hang out with the guys, think about your.

But I'm.

Everyone's watching us. You think I'm going to go and do the wrong thing. Why would I have been in a relationship. It just made me if I want to if I'm going to go do the wrong thing, It just made.

Me feel uncomfortable that like and like this is an insecurity of mine and it's a trigger for me. But like when women are literally throwing themselves at your boyfriend, throwing, throwing, like and that was out there, say like it's throwing.

Like I was just talking about in the clubs, those parties.

Yeah, those parties, they're throwing themselves and like, no disrespect to any of those girls, Like they can do what they want. But as your new girlfriend, who at the time was very much in love, like that to me was just like no, not doing it, not going to engage. And I wanted Josh to be like I want to do a couple of stuff as well.

I'm sure Josh. The only thing stiff about joshuada been his arm stiff arming the girls away from him.

Yeah, I had understand there was going to be nothing to worry about. I mean, I had just got into a relationship. The last thing I'm looking to do is look be with another girl, Josha. I just wanted to really go and experience a whole fun from after Love Island as well get paid as well. But I wasn't really giving that option. I felt in a relationship, you

But I mean, as you touched on earlier, there was definitely a part of you that still wanted to be single.

Have gone there and then realized that it's not what it's all hyped up to be.

I mean probably not, Matt. You talk about it like it's the best day of your life. Women were throwing themselves.

At look at the potential. I think, one hundred percent that's going to happen. Therefore, I'm not going to even allow the possibility of that occurring because it's happened in my head. Therefore it's one hundred percent going to occur.

And I think, and I think this is what we're talking about. Like our mentalities were just different, very different. Like I was like ready to like settle down, Like I'm like, you know, I'm twenty nine now. I just like was in a space where I was like, I've been single enough. You were in a space where you were like I could probably use some more single time, I mean said he said, He said he said you need ten more years before, So I mean I knew, but no, like I feel like eight.

To nine, I definitely could have used more single time. I was happy in the relationship, but it had to be really right for me to want to stay in that relationship. When I saw early warning signs so forth, it sort of just made me miss being single in that moment of time even more.

Yeah, no, I understand that. Okay, guys, if you feel like you're settling in your relationship, here are some steps to start taking control of your life.

All right.

Don't be afraid to try new things.

Challenge the norms, learn to say no, be more disciplined, especially about quality time for yourself.

Prepare for the worst.

Stop hanging out with people whose company isn't enjoyable for you.

Think of everything as a choice.

And raise those standards.

Do you have any advice Josh for the listeners.

Yeah, if you feel like you're climbing a mountain in a relationship, it's probably time to get out. If you're consistently calling people discussing the issues in the relationship, you're probably not right. The one science are there. You have to look at why you're staying in the relationship. Are you afraid of what's on the other side? Yeah? Are you consistently just trying to find the small positives that are left? There's probably time to reconsider the relationship. Sit

Yeah, Like you said, some people are scared of what's on the other side. I know for myself, I was scared of even the break up like that was scared. I used to have to deal with it. Calls almost every second day.

Jo Josh used to be on the phone to mad and then Josh would be like, okay, my my cup is empty, and you pass the phone on today and I have back again, my turn to take that.

You take this one, take this right. It was fucking doors, It was that good.

But I mean, look, I think communication is the key to making sure your relationships are good, validating your partner's feelings and if you're not feeling validated, then maybe you are settling and it's time.

To move on.

Josh, thank you so much for coming in. It's been a pleasure. I'm so sorry about the coffee. Hopefully that hasn't scart your life.

Hopefully your next relationship. They don't want you to make pictures. God knows what's going to happen there.

It'll be one day how to deal with that.

Well, thanks for coming in, brother, Thanks for having me guys x Lovelander x Block contestant Josh Packham his ex boyfriend as well.

You see you listener.

Okay, guys, make sure you stay tuned to our Socials at Fort next week's episode until next time.