I LIED ABOUT WHO I AM ONLINE...

I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming.

She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of my kissing style.

With the boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's in a trash bit. He's non recyclable catching them.

I love being love. I love love. On today's episode of Where's Your Head we are discussing catfishing. Stay tuned as we talk about online dating, heavy filters, and being tricked online.

Where's Your Head at is a podcast that talks all things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.

This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, intimate details, advice, and much more.

Good morning, Matty, I know how are you going today? I'm going really good. I was up so late last night because I am absolutely addicted to this new Netflix series. It's called The Girlfriend Who Didn't Exist?

Have you heard of it?

I actually flicked past that a couple of days ago when I was trying to find something to watch on Netflix. I didn't click on it. I think I settled for some sort.

Of horror ME highly recommend, like, definitely go watch it. If you're listening, go check it out. It was so interesting to me. I just like had to finish it last night. Like me and Michael, we were fully hooked.

So I love that when you find a show that, yeah, when you're watching it, well, what's it about.

It's about this guy called Mantaiiteo. He's a college football star. He's absolutely loved and he has this amazing girlfriend who he's obsessed with, but he's never met her, and not no one knows that he hasn't met her. And it turns out he's actually been catfish and it takes a really dark turn and everyone turns on him, like all of the football fans turn on him, and it was really sad and super interesting to see.

Because I watching it, I was.

Just thinking, like, if he was a girl, I feel like you wouldn't have got this level of backlash. So it's a really interesting watch. Give it a whirl.

I'm definitely going to put it on my watch list. We're watching Yellow Jackets at the moment, so after that, Jen and I will watch that. I'm interested to see what it's like. But speaking about getting catfished and all that, that triggered a memory that I had actually, so you know how I've been well, you know how I was talking to Jen for like six years. Yeah Instagram, we're on and off chatting.

But you never met. You just followed each other.

Yeah, yeah, we just followed each other. Actually, funnily enough, we say how we did not cross paths. There was a lot of times that we would have and I'm sure we did but didn't know. So weird, so weird. But after all that, we finally arranged to meet up with each other. And it's funny, you say, it's because we actually we had our one year of meeting each other a couple while back now, and we went back to the same spot and we did the exact same thing we did. We went and got app roles and

I hate that moment.

It's so awkward, like uncomfortable, like the thirty seconds before you actually become face to like come face to face, it's so awkward.

And I've got the better one when you actually spot them from a distance and you're walking over to each other and you have to just act like, you know, like you're comfortable walking and you're like like every step and it's really awkward. You look at the look at them. Don't make your cringe.

Yeah, making you cringe so bad.

But when I called her and she's like, I'm outside of onot near the training and I'm like, okay, I'm walking over now. I'm like, ol, do you want me to pick up drinks? We're just chatting on the phone. Do you want to pick up drinks? Like, no way, we'll get them together, blah blah. And I'm looking and there's a girl in front of me on the phone and I was like, oh.

No, he looks totally different.

It's completely different. So it's the saying but not Jen And like like from a distance, it could have been her, you know what I mean, But it wasn't.

It was just because she was brunette.

Yeah, that was the only thing really, But without standing shallow or anything, it just didn't It just wasn't what I thought. She portrayed it through her Instagram portrayed herself betrayed herself as So I'm walking over and I'm like, oh no, I'm like, look, i'm too far here, you know me. I'm like, I'm not the mean person. I'll

So you thought you got catfish by Jen for like that thirty seconds, that awkward thirty seconds before you actually.

Meet and I was like, fuck if I've been catfish here? But fair enough it was Jen, and we had that magical date that we now know that wrote my life and changed my history forever.

Magical date.

Care Well, look, speaking of catfishing, let's jump into our episode today.

Okay, And so for everyone listening and doesn't know what a catfish is, do you want to tell them what it is?

Yeah?

So, basically, catfishing is the act of creating a false identity in order to lure people into an online relationship. So normally they steal a photo or an identity of someone who is more attractive or who they would perceive is more attractive than they are, and then use their photos to deceive people. So basically, I don't know if you've seen the show Catfish, but Niche Shulman in twenty ten actually made a documentary called Catfish because he was catfish online and he coined the term.

I actually love the show Catfish. I watch it a lot day.

How good is it?

It's very good, And some of the things that you see on there are absolutely wild. Yeah, I've shook sometimes at some of the stuff that you see people. The lengths that people have to go to sometimes is extraordinary. And then it's own Like, I mean, they're doing the wrong thing, but the effort they put in, if they put it into something else be successful.

They could be doing like a full business.

Yeah, I've seen episodes of that show where these are the ones that really shake me. So these like I remember there was this one episode where this girl's talking to this guy online and like she ends up talking to him for like three years and it ends up being her ex who wants to get her back, and she thinks it's like this new guy, she's been talking to him, like literally wasting years of her life talking to this guy, and the whole time she's still talking to her ex.

I'm like, how could you do that to someone?

It's actually a bold move by that guy to get his girlfriend backed.

That's never gonna happen, Like you're not getting her back, mate, Like she doesn't want you.

If she did, she be with you.

The best on Catfish, I reckon is so funny is where they like do the whole revere on their reveal that's not who they think it is, and then they still go like, well do you want to like do you still want to be together? And no, feel like I'm still me, Like you're still talking to me, but like yeah, it's just complete deceit and lie yeah, like yeah.

We get it, like you're still talking to that person. But at the end of the day, like you've built a whole relationship on the biggest liball, which is who you are, So like, no, it's not going to work out.

Sorry, see later.

Next Well, have you been catfish Donna by anyone?

Oh? Like mildly catfish where I feel like there's been a couple of heavy filters put on, but I actually have a catfishing story and I was the catfish.

Oh this is hilarious. Please tell everyone about this. This is absolutely hilarious. Guys, You've got to hear this.

I actually like it's so embarrassing, but like it's the truth, and like, you know.

First of all, why would Ana macavoid pretend to be someone out? Please explain why, because it's hilarious.

So basically, me and Josh, my ex boyfriend, had just broken up, so.

It's recent as well. It's like some young ages.

I wasn't like nineteen, I was twenty nine. So basically Josh and I, my ex boyfriend, had broken up. We had obviously won a very popular TV show in Australia together. So I coming out of that relationship felt like I wanted to join some dating apps naturally, but I didn't want people to know that it was me because we

And so.

I saw this picture of someone who I followed on Instagram, was like a really far away picture, like hard to really recognize the person. I screenshot in it and used that as my profile picture.

What name did you go with?

I think I went with Bear.

Oh it sounds so fake.

So anyway, I had my fake profile set up just the one photo, just the one photo, so it didn't even look real, like I wasn't trying that hard and I'm not wrong.

It was a photo of a girl in like a like a field of daisies.

No, it was.

It was like at a beach, but they were like very far away, so you can see mainly ocean and then like a small like little stick figure and in the distance.

So fake. If did you get any matches before, we've no, there is no one of their swipes for that no way.

So this was on the app Bumble, So basically for about three days I was kind of like, oh, kick guy, Like what way do you swipe left? Right?

Left? For yes?

No, right is yet right? Right?

Okay, okay, so I'm like swiping right for people I'm like, yeah, hot hot. I was like, okay, like not to worry, Anna, like there are other men out there on the planet. And in your area, in my area close by, and you know, like it was making me feel better about the breakup. Anyway, on the fourth day, my account with my mobile number which I haven't changed since, and my email was blocked. Someone had reported me as a catfish. And since that moment, I've never been allowed back on Bumble,

I think it was like two months later.

Yeah, I tried to get back onto Bumbler as myself, and they just weren't having a bar of me.

I was just like did you not message them or email them off your account and say, hey, my numbers blocked. I'm ready to get back in there, let me on.

I tried, but I'm just fully blocked. Like there's nothing you can do once you're blocked.

On a dating app, like you don't want to go there, like it's really hard. So then obviously I had to move to the other dating apps, which was like Hinge and Tinder.

But then the story continues just when you think it's over.

So I remember, like I think it was like six months later, my manager messaged me and she was like, hey, Bumble wants to work with you.

So the dating app Bumble wants to.

Work with you, Like they think you're great, they know that you're like out there dating again, and they just kind of like want you to promote like this part of their app.

And I'll like, yes, sweet cool.

Literally didn't even think of what had happened anyway. Then I redownload loaded it realized that I had been blocked still and was like fuck, So I had to tell my manager this story, Like it was so long that I had to voice note her and I was like, so it was awkward, but and then she like literally sent me a voice note laughing, being like, oh my god, Anna, only you would do this. This is so wild. So she's like, I'm gonna have to tell Bumble what happened.

Funny because at the time your ex Josh and myself actually were on dating apps and then everyone was like posting them yeah articles, So it's pretty smart that you actually did that. Because relationships used our own self and posted it.

And yeah, there was articles being like, oh, I can't believe they're in dating apps so soon, and I was like, sorry.

But Beth is over here doing a thing.

A little old bed in the house in the distance, look like the thing is is.

I wasn't actually going on there as a catfish to like trick people. I just wanted to like remind myself that there was other guys out there that I wasn't going to die of heartbreak, and like, you know, it's good to move on. So anyway, I'm a catfish. I hold my hands up. I did it once, I got banned from a dating app, and I promised to never do it again.

Hard.

So what's the lesson here for everyone?

Just yourself.

If you're breaking up with someone, don't be afraid for people to see you on the apps too soon? Oh?

Actually, do I agree with that? I don't know. I don't know, Like, okay, that's a good question.

Like when is it too soon after a breakup to be seen on a dating app?

Depends on the sotance the breakup. If like they cheated on you, they broke up with you, your heart broken? I reckon jump straight on. But if like it was, no, it's too hard, isn't it, Because then it's.

Hard because then it's like kind of like showing that you have a lack of respect for that person. If you're like jumping straight on like two months in, I reckon, is fine anything earlier than that and people see you, which they will.

I reckon. It goes to like dating in general, when is too soon to move on, then like be seen visually moving on.

Well, like I think that when you're in a relationship, like officially boyfriend and girlfriend with someone, I think two months, you think two months, I think two months, And I think if you are like jumping on the dating apps earlier, then it's seen as disrespectful.

So like, look, what would you.

Say to someone that says they need to get with other people to move on. That's their version of moving on.

Head out to the club, baby.

Okay, Well, I guess like just be respectful in that way and clear to like that it gets back to your partner that that's how you're moving on.

Yeah, the worst thing when you break up with someone is hearing that they've moved on really quickly. I'm like, look, we're all gonna do it when my heartbroken. We like, you know, we want to get under us to get over, as we always say. Okay, Matt, I just admitted to you that I was a catfish for three days before I got blocked from a dating app. But why do people generally catfish? Because I feel like my reason was kind of a unique one.

Okay, So I think the main reason would be poor self esteem. Yeah, they don't have enough confidence in themselves and who they are as a person. Maybe the way they look, maybe the way they come across and talking, so they have to hide behind a mask to be someone and be more themselves.

Yeah, And like a lot of the time I reckon like someone who is a catfish can be way more introverted, So they're not confident in meeting people. And so I feel like maybe, yeah, as you said, they don't feel good enough, so they think that they need to be someone else in order to be loved or liked, And I think that's really heartbreaking.

Yeah, that is they're almost playing a character to someone and that's where they feel more comfortable.

Yeah.

Another reason why people catfish is actually revenge. We touched on it before. I saw an episode of Catfish and it was an ex boyfriend who was dumped and he you know, was really heartbroken, and instead of letting his ex move on, he was like.

No, I'm going to be the guy who you've always wanted, and he knows.

The sick thing about this is when you're someone's ex, you know exactly what they want and the fact that he was able to give her that as someone else, that's pretty shit.

Okay. So the other reason is to explore their sexuality. So they might come from a conservative family, or they might have a partner and they want to see what's out there and really what they're inner feelings are feeling.

Yeah, sometimes people aren't like out of the closet yet and they're kind of like wanting to experiment to kind of find themselves in a way without fully outing themselves.

And alerting their friends and family. Yeah, okay. Is it catfishing or false advertising to use a heavy filter and editing your photos.

Well, look, a catfish is usually a completely different person, So that's very specific to people who are misleading or being deceptive towards people, whereas false advertising is just when you're altering your own appearance using heavy filters and then obviously putting them on a dating profile, and you know, someone might be thinking they're getting a ten out of ten and it could be a six out of ten. But that's the fun of dating, right, Like it's kind of like a pick and mix.

You don't know what you're going to get.

Yeah, especially in this day and age, when you're coming across like photos on social media, in that you're not actually meeting them out and then you're meeting them, it is like you don't know what you're going to get when you.

Get like I want to come in like in defense of people who are seen to be false advertising. I feel like we live in this age where social media is so heavily filtered. And yes, there are like specific areas of it that are getting better, but like the majority of people on social media have a lot of

Put your best foot forward, put your best.

Foot forward, and then you kind of like charm them with your chat. But that secondary, like you have to first try and like get their attention because they're like, look, I'm one in like two hundred girls that this guy's gonna swipe through today. I want to like stand out from the rest. How am I gonna do that?

I get that. And I'm just saying though that, like be confident in yourself. What you have might not be what one guy likes, but I can bet you that, like there's a bunch of other guys out there that will think you're attractive the way you are.

Yeah, And there's definitely a line between like a little bit of a filter as opposed to like a full makeup transformation in post.

Edits, everyone chuck, everyone chuck the virus up.

Yeah, we all know those people who like you see them on social media and they just don't look like the same person, Like they're just like filter on, filter on filter, Like how many filters?

It's too much? Like you know what I mean, if you're doing more than one filter, we can tell.

Well, I've made an effort to put up stories without a filter on, even if I don't feel comfortable in how I look, because I want to express other people. This is how I am at the time, and this is how I look.

Yeah, and I think you are really good at that.

I would never have put up like a non filtered image or like video like a year ago, and you've always done it and like encouraged me to do it and like I do it a lot now as well.

But like that's interesting.

Do guys actually like, if you're a guy who does post videos on social media of you chatty, do you get self conscious about the way you look?

I mean, naturally, you're only human, and like you said, you're in this space where people are judging you. There's thousands of people that are looking at this and you know they're judging you, and sometimes they have the nerve to message you, like I have the I have the nerve for pointing out to you. So yeah, of course you do like I'll I'll put up a video before and like I'll be filming it and'll be like, ah,

Yeah, it's interesting hearing that because I think, like, as a girl, you think it's just like a girl problem.

We don't think that. Guys get in.

The trust me. We do. I've got a lot of mates that will send me their photos before they gram it and ask me to run filters on it and that.

You're kidding.

I do so guys like fully, and they're just got they're just average guys.

My mates don't even have a following or they just want to look good for the literally send me photos and they'll be like, hey, Mak, can you filter this?

And look, I think that's what it's about. On dating apps. We all just want to put our best foot forward.

And like you know, if you're single as well, like you're not going to put out like a shitty photo, like you want people to look at it who you could be a potential prospect and be like, oh, they're not bad.

Yeah, but I guess the one that loves you for you will come across because eventually they're going to see you without that makeup and without that fil Yeah.

And I think and I think like that's the key point, and that's why we should all be as authentic as possible on dating apps. We're not saying don't use any filters, but like, there's no point in giving yourself a full like face transformation, because they're going to see you eventually in real life.

You can't. You can't roll in with the filter in front of you, especially.

The next morning where you wake up and it's just a completely different person.

Ah.

But yeah, like you as That's.

What I'm saying, Like, that's not gonna like you. I understand putting your best foot forward. Yeah, but people will love you for who you are.

Yeah.

Another thing is, like I was talking about being authentic on dating apps, it's not just visually. I think you can be authentic on dating apps by actually telling people your actual intentions. I think a lot of the time on dating apps we're like, oh, just looking for something casual, like not really sure what I'm looking for. When we were like I mean, I can only talk for myself. When I know I'm looking for a boyfriend, I'm like, no, no boyfriend material.

I don't know which way I'm going, but so I am. Back when I was younger, when I was started off on dating apps, I would send just a message to him and say, Hey, I'm not looking for a girlfriend or anything serious. I'm just here for like to catch up and for a good time.

And I'm what you said that.

I'd say that to girls. Some girls would be very uh, what's the word.

I would be like block.

I got a lot of blocks. I got a lot of girls like haha. Same Like I would be like.

The audacity of this motherfucker.

Well, there's one thing I say to everyone. I am not a liar. I'm a lot. You can call me whatever you want, but I'm not a liar. I'm not here to waste this person's time. Such a thing to say, though, That's probably why I never met up with anyone off a dating app, because they'd be like, what a dick? Haha, so am I, But you're.

A dick still, So that didn't work out for you. One listening, don't use that techno.

Don't use that technique. Because it definitely didn't work for me. I've never met up with anyone off a dating app because that would be my strategy.

Yeah, it's poor strategy, poor strategizing by that.

Look, I'm just trying to be as transparent as possible. All my photos were unedited, and I was telling you exactly what I'm there for. So if you want a real guy, they missed out.

Now, I saw some of your modeling shots on your dating app.

I I but once upon a time I was single tuning, your face popped up as a potential match and I swiped through and I saw some very edited modeling, but I said, don't even come to the table.

I did edit them personally. They were sent to me by the photographer, and I was like, yeah, I do look good there, so let's give it.

That doesn't make it unedited, so let's just leave it at that. Guys, it's time for wears our head out. Let's jump in.

Okay, So Brad has said I went on a date with a girl and she looked completely different than her Tinder profile. It was a huge turn off, not because of her looks, but because I felt lied to. Am I the asshole for ghosting?

No?

No, I don't think.

So, absolutely not.

I reckon if someone has a profile and they know that they look so different.

No, that is what we've been saying, isn't it.

They look different on their profile to how they do in real life. I think they have to expect a ghosting, right.

M I agree to what extent? And do they look different though? Have like we said, have they got heaps of filters on them? Or is it just maybe they just looked more natural that day without having a bad hair day, or their makeup hadn't blended in properly. I don't know what difference did they look.

I reckon it's a filter thing. I reckon that they've been heavily filtered.

This guy I thought he was going out with Miranda Kerr and rocked up and Miranda wasn't there.

Sorry bro, But if you think you're finding Miranda Kerr on Tinder, the joke's on you.

Okay.

The next listener, Lucy has said, I was called out for using filters on my Instagram, but I honestly cannot post a selfie without a filter because now I'm so critical of my faith, Like, without a filter, I'm hideous.

Can you help me delete? The filters.

I don't think you're hideous, Lucy. First of all, I've not seen Lucy. But everyone's beautiful in their own way.

It's so true, Like it's so weird because I feel like we're in this society where we're so used to using film is on our face when we do see our face without a filter or a bit like oh, especially like there's a lot that goes into it, like bad lighting is even worse.

You're like, oh shit.

Look if my tip for Lucy is because when I weaned myself off the filter, I would post it and yeah, I would have anxiety. I would be like, oh, I could see all the blemishes. I think I look kideous as well. I suggest the best thing to do is start slow, post a selfie without a filter, throw your phone into the next room, and forget about it.

I'm already feeling the anxiety from that.

Put something on and completely forget about it, and it would just come naturally, and do it time after time again. Practice will make you feel better about it. And look, if anyone's messaging you saying you look hideous, fuck them and block them.

Yeah, Like it's always hard, Like I think we all feel insecure.

It doesn't matter how you look.

Going filter free feels very like you're really putting yourself out there. It's kind of like being naked on social media in a way. And we're so used to like kind of having these filters, and they're kind of like they metaphorically like protect us from like all of the bad evil like trolls out there. That's kind of how it feels like a protection barrier.

I was seeing someone and I asked. They were like, you don't use filters, and the exact same thing I said. I was like, I don't want to use them. I'm trying to, you know, stay away from them. And they said, it feels like a barrier for me between me and my audience.

Yeah, it's like a protection.

Yeah, so that's very true.

I feel, yeah, And I think like the moment that you get rid of that protection, you can feel very alone, very naked, very seen, very rare, very raw, and very open to critiques.

So I wouldn't beat yourself up about it.

I think that it's something that all of us are going through, and I think, as Matt said, just weaning yourself off slowly, start doing less and less to photos that you post and using a really natural filter as well.

If you're doing a story, yeah.

Try a minimum one first. Yeah. Don't go cold turkey.

Don't don't cold turkey.

Yeah, wean yourself off slowly.

Okay, guys, thank you so much for listening. That was a fun app. As always, give us a five star review. We are a small but growing podcast. We've just hit a million listens. We're so excited to have this amazing family of Where's your Head Out listeners.

Until next time. If you see Bess from the distance on Bumble, make sure you know her. She's not meant to be there.

Okay, guys, until next time, Bye bye,