I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming she.
How do I put this? He isn't a fan of my kissing.
Style boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours.
He's in a trash bin.
He's non recyclable catching her.
I loved being loved. I love love.
On today's special episode of Where's Your Head At, we will be discussing infertility and how it can impact your relationships.
So stay tuned, guys.
Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.
This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, intimate details, advice, and much more.
Okay, Matt, I want to firstly start by saying that I am so proud of you for being so open and honest about this time topic. I know, as one of your closest friends, how hard this has been for you. We've been talking about potentially recording this episode now, yeah, pretty much since we started Where's your Head At? And you've kind of been back and forth. You know, it's a really big deal moving forward in your life from this moment on being this open and honest.
So I just want to say as a friend. I'm so proud of you.
Oh thanks. Look, I thought long and hard about this topic and my situation that I'm in, and I thought, like, I want to be open and honest about it with people, because obviously I've gone through this, and I don't know anyone that goes through this, and I feel like if other people can relate to me and hear this, that it might help them. And I encourage them to open up and message me if they are going through this, because yeah, I can relate to them and I can help them out.
Yeah.
And I think when you first realized you didn't really have a role model to look up to, anyone who you felt like you could relate to, and you felt pretty alone, right.
I didn't understand it completely obviously, I just yeah, I didn't know who to talk to about it. Obviously I spoke to family, but like, what can they say. They don't know, they haven't.
Been through it, and they can't relate.
Yeah, I can relate, So they just give you like, oh, like you know this is this is the way it is, this and that. But yeah, I mean it's yeah, I've come to terms with it now, and i'd like to talk.
About it, So let's get the elephant in the room out of the way.
You are, Yeah, so I am infertile, but I will go into more detail about that as we go on, and my situation and what it means for me going forward.
Okay, so how did this all come about? Because obviously you're super young. You're twenty six, right, I feel like people realize that they're infertile when they're trying to have kids or how did you?
How did you figure this out?
All right?
So, I was, by no means trying to have kids. I'm ready.
I didn't think you are.
Yeah, I was not.
Trying with anyone to have kids. But my ex Kira, as a matter of fact, she kept saying weird stuff about the consistency of my sperm and my ejaculation. She kept saying, it's weird, and like eventually she was like, it's like the same consistency as a guy I used to sleep with who had a phaseptomy. And I was like, oh okay, and she's like, you should probably get that looked at. That doesn't look right. When I was like, I was like, oh, okay, I've never had this. I've
slept with multiple women. I've never had anyone tell me this. Maybe it's just Kira being here. I was like, okay, I'll bring it up with my mom. So I went back to my mum's one time and I said, look, this is what because obviously I have an open relationship with my mom, I'm like, this is what Kira said to me. And my mom was like, look, when you were born, as you know, you had undecended testicles, which means that my testicles were in my stomach and they
hadn't dropped to my ball sack, right. So she said, they got the surgery as the doctor and the surgeon recommended when I was a year old, and they did the surgery as soon as possible, and they said around this age give or take, it depends if I'm trying for kids, I should do a sperm count. So I said, well, I'm not trying for kids. And I was like, what have I got to lose? So I went into the GP.
I explained the situation to him. He gave me all like the right forms, blood test, the thing, the cut, the car Yeah, the cut which came with like a an a four piece of paper of like everything I had to do.
I thut, you're going to Hay like some pornothing.
He's completely not like that at all. It's actually not like that. I expected to go into a room.
And they like like, where's my magazine, Yeah, where's my thing?
Yeah?
So actually I'll get into that as well. But the thing that stood out to me was I cannot ejaculate for forty eight hours, which anyone that knows me knows I'm going morning, lunch, breakfast.
Yeah.
Anyone that knows me, anyone that's day to me knows that. Like, I'm pretty heavy honesty. So that was the biggest obstacle there, which became a massive struggle. Like I was like, alright, so where's forty eight hours from now? That's Wednesday morning. I'm all right, so I can't have sex from now? Obviously you're dating someone living with them. It was a struggle. So we got there after a couple of weeks.
Yep.
And like I thought, I thought, you go into a room, you go there to doctors the hospital, you watch some porn, and you give it to them when you walk out. It's not like that at all. You have to do it wherever you are, and then you have to like drive it to the doctors. The test lab within forty five minutes.
So you basically ejaculate it home so you can, you know, get off how of you like, and then you put it into a car.
Yes, so you aim it for the carp So the first time I did it and I had to go to work, so Kira drove it to the local hospital. I think there's only three in Melbourne that took it. I think there's one in Frankston fitzro So she drove it there. It got there, it was all good. I found out a couple of weeks later. It was an over the phone call and the doctor called me and he.
Was like, before you say this, I just want to ask you, what was your gut feeling before you got the results.
I thought it would come back okay, yeah.
Just like I'm just doing this just to do this.
Yeah, the doctor recommended what Kira had said. I didn't, you know. I mean, I was just like, there's no chance. I'm not that guy. So the doctor called me and he was like to me, look, Matt, I was going to call you in, but like, I'll do it over the phone. You have no sperm. And I was like, oh, I was like, I've got low sperm and He's like, no, Matthew, You've got no sperm. And I was like, what does that mean? And he goes, look, there's a multiple things
that this could mean. I think you should do another test. I think that we should go into this more in depth. You should say specialists, all this sort of stuff. So I said, okay, I'm not gonna lie. I procrastinated on it for a bit. I said, all right, that's one test. It could be a dud load, it could be anything. I procrastinated on it.
So you're in denial a bit at the stuff when you first found out.
Yeah, I was like, there's no way. I was like, maybe it was a dud test. Maybe I didn't wait forty eight.
Hours, had a big weekend.
Yeah, maybe here I didn't go straight there. She took a little scenic rout, all this sort of stuff, like yes, so many variables. I just thought, this isn't it. So I procrastinated for a bit and then I was like, okay, I'll have to get the retest. So I went back to the GP. I got another thing. I explained the situation. I went I did it again, same result, no sperm. And I was like, okay, third time, what is going on. Yeah, I was like, what's going on? So try a third time,
exact same result. So I was like, Okay, something's off.
And how did you feel after the third test? Knowing that, wow, like I could be infertile here.
So I remember distinctly coming back to my mum's. I remember I was standing in my closet and I was grabbing shirts to go back to Kira's at the time, and I was like packing my bag and she was like, how do you feel? And I'm like, I'm like I don't know. I'm like, it is what it is. And she was like she likes he hated crying, and I was like standing there and she's like, I'm sorry, and she was apologizing to me, and she's like, we did
what we could. And I was like, I said, I'm not sad for me, because I know I'm at least ten to eight years off having like children, But I said and I started crying, and I was like, I'm sad for Matt in like ten years from now, who is going to like, you know, want to have kids with the girl that he loves at that time. Yeah, And yeah, I guess that's when I started crying in the hallway to my mum, and I was like, yeah, that's that was a bit when I realized, yeah, fuck,
this is real. My dad as well, when I told him, he had the exact same reaction. He just defended there like them. He's like, look, we got you in as soon as we could. And I'm like, I'm not blaming anyone. I'm like, it's not no one's fault. It is like what's been They've chosen for me, I guess my path.
Yeah, like seeing your mom and dad break down obviously, is that moment where it just makes it all really real and you're like, fus.
Yeah this is this could be a problem for me.
Yeah it was. And then it was more or less like my sisters as well started getting and even like I wasn't really like thinking it was real, so like it is what it is. And then like my sister's like Lara, my sister, Lara, she's not the sort of person that Liary. She's out like you know what I mean, she's pretty cold. You've met her. She called me and
I was like, how are you going? Blah blah blah blah, and she she baked me my favorite cake and I was like, you know, what I mean, and I was like, yeah, I was like, okay, so I guess like it's actually a thing. Yeah, everyone was like taking it a lot more serious than I was. So I eventually we booked into the specialist and I brought my old man with me for moral support and just because I knew there was gonna be a lot of information, so I wanted
someone else there to like so in case I miss something. Yeah. Actually, at dinner here I had brought up with my old man, she'd said, if matt sperm isn't, if there's got no sperm, is it okay if we take some of yours else, which means that my son would be my brother.
So but yeah, I mean, as you know.
It'd be the closest thing to me. So that is an option. But I'll talk more about that. So I brought Daddy in and we sat down with the specialist and he gave me more assurance on the fact that maybe they're not there. So there was three options. There was when I had the original surgery, the tubes haven't been connected properly and there's something a blockage or something
going on between them. So he said, in real terms, you've had a phasepto me when you were born, and then when you want kids, You're just going to reverse the septomy. And I'm like, well, that's laughing. I mean I can live the next.
Couples country reception or what No, yeah exactly, And then so he said that, and then the other option was straight up just duds.
I'm unlucky. The third option was they're not swimmers that I would have to get surgery and they would have to. So either I get surgery now they freeze them, or I get surgery when I want I and then with the girl, which has a better chance.
So explain the third option to us, because I understand the first two. So you either reversive potential visectomy. The second option is is that you're just unlucky and you can't have kids. And then the third option is is that you go in through surgery, they open up your my testicles, your testicles.
And they will take a sperm out.
Right, so they retrieved them from the area.
Yeah, and because they're obviously not they might be just not swimmers, not strong swimmers, and then they will freeze them. Okay, but they said if you do that, there's a less chance of IVF working. Also, there could be that they're duds and I've gone into that surgery and then I know one hundred percent that I'm for the rest of my life. Or I wait till I have a wife and I'm trying to have kids and I get that
surgery then where there's more chance of IVF working. Yeah, but I don't know whether they're going to cut in and find out.
So basically, if you're wanting to have kids, the best option for you is to go in with your wife. They remove the sperm directly from your testicles and directly insert it via IVF.
Yes, but the problem is there might not be any there. There might not be So I've gone in with this thing with my wife and then turns out that it's a waste of time, a waste of money, and we're back at square one.
Yeah, And have you, mentally, I guess, prepared yourself for that worst case scenario or are you trying to remain more positive?
I'd say, to the best of my ability, I have. Obviously, when that news would hear, there's no warning you for that. And I mean there is obviously worse news out there that you could get. But in that time, when you're with the one you love and you want to have children. It could be pretty detrimental. Like I said, there's worse stuff that could happen. But still it's pretty big news.
Yeah, to find it out, Matt, I couldn't even imagine.
So question, how did Kira, who was your girlfriend at the time, take this news.
I think she was trying to play it off like it wasn't a big deal. But I think we both know Kira. I think she ideally wants to have children. I think that is her goal, is to have children with someone. She said it wasn't a deal breaker, but I mean, looking back at our relationship, there were so much more problems than just yea, this one.
Thing.
I was like, let's get through all these problems before we discuss that route. I don't She just said it wasn't a deal breaker, and it was what it was, what any normal girl would say.
Okay, Matt, so you've recently discovered that you're infertile. When did you tell your current partner, Magical Day Girl.
Quite early into us seeing each other.
How early.
It would have only been a couple of weeks, if not maybe ten days.
And what was her reaction when she found out?
I think her literal words were, that's not a deal breaker. It's like twenty twenty one. There's ways around it. Cute, Yeah, I mean, how would you take it when someone tells you that, Like girl I was seeing before, probably the same reaction. She said, the.
Same thing, yeah, I mean, And the thing is is like, yeah, like people are renowned for having kids, but it's the twenty first century. You know, women are very career driven. A lot of people who're steering away from kids and they want to have them later in life or they're going down different routes. Some people have kids without even having a partner these days. Like there's so many different avenues.
And I guess if you are with someone who tells you they're infertile, like yeah, like it's hard.
To hear, but like there are so many different avenues.
As you said, Well, that is why I brought it up with her. I'm under the impression that if you're getting serious with someone or like you're starting to see someone, I'm not a liar. I'm not going to hide anything. So I brought it up quite early in the piece because she was expressing that she wants kids, and I explained the situation to her, and I said, yeah, it's not going to be as easy as well if you think.
Yeah, obviously, like it's hard news to hear if she's talking about kids. But I really feel like you've gone about it the right way and the most respectful way.
You've been really upfront and honest.
Like imagine if you were with someone for like a year and then you're like, shit, like when do I say it?
And how would you react if you were a girl and the other way around and they've been keeping it from you from that long. Yeah, like you feel like that's a bit shady.
Yeah, you feel like it was like something that needed to be shit, she.
Was talking about like kids, how what her kids' names, was not in a weird way or anything. I was just in conversation and we will do it, And I was like, well, look like fuck, like I can't. I don't feel comfortable unless I explain to you where I'm at. Yeah. Why I was uncomfortable with doing this episode was because it's now for people out there and they'll hear it. So I don't know out there yet. I don't know exactly now if they've listened to it or when to bring it up.
But it is what it is, So you just mean moving forward.
If you were to start dating again, which hopefully you're not, the magical date girl could be the one we think, we hope if you were to start dating again, that's out there for people.
That's when we were first talking about this episode. I was single and I was worried about expressing this. Obviously, now that some things that got serious with her, I feel like I've told her I can come on here and express it. Notably when I did tell I caught up with my ex a couple of months ago. Laura and I were talking about how she doesn't want kids and how she do want kids, and I was like, wow, yeah,
she's really career driven like you said women are. And I said to her, well, I was the perfect guy for that. Then she was like, what do you mean? And I said, I explained to her my situation and everything, and I will never forget her reaction. She actually, like we were walking out from dinner and she actually stopped and started laughing, like foot laying downside laughing, and she's like, I fucking knew it. Yeah, She's like I knew it.
I told my mum I knew it, and I was like what, And she's like, there is no way we did what we did for so long and there was no Charlie juniors running around And I was like what, And she's like I knew it. She's like the amount of times I skipped and missed stuff and we just nothing came of it. She's like, there was no way you weren't.
Yeah, because you're you haven't been the safest with sex, which we definitely don't condone, but I mean, I feel like there should definitely have been a few mats running around by now.
Oh definitely explains why there isn't a couple of Italian and British mats knocking on my door. Yeah, all right. So I just want to give people a couple of tips on how to deal with this if they are going through this scenario the same as me, and stuff that have helped me as well deal with it. Obviously, your mental health comes first, so put yourself first, practice self care, come to some sort of acceptance of what's happened, and then go from there. I feel talk to others
and speak to a trusted cancelor. I feel that I do that a lot. I speak, I lean on you, I lean on my mom. I lean on everyone for advice on how to deal with stuff. So if you don't have people around you that you can trust and you feel like you can get advice from, seek professional advice. I mean, that's what they're there for.
Yeah, And I mean if you have a friend going through something like this, I think it's really important to know that you don't have to come up with solutions for them.
You're not a doctor.
You just have to be kind and there to listen, and you know, just check in on your friends and make sure they're doing okay because it's obviously really a hard thing to go through.
And this one is the one with acceptance as well. Try not to blame yourself or others. I never blamed myself, I never blamed my parents for the scenario that has happened. No one's fault, It isn't it's noone's fault. This is just where all the path that was for me, and which brings me to my next point again, which is acknowledge your feelings, Understand the way you feel about it, and then you can have some sort of acceptance enclosure on it.
It's okay to go from happy to sad to angry, just feel all the emotions and really accept how you're feeling.
Another one is understand your options like I did. I did my research. I went to three different specialists. I brought my dad with me so he could help me. He could listen and he could give me the advice and the options that I have. And then from there you can establish a game plan on what you want to do and how you want to tackle this situation.
Yep.
And last, but not least, and I feel like I'm big on this one, and you could probably tell is be optimistic. Yeah, there's so much out there. You never know what could happen. And I've heard stories because I've spoken to different people. I've heard stories of people that were trying for IVF and they literally got pregnant, like right before they tried for IVF, they had everything booked in and just fate ran its course. And yeah, so
there's how much that could happen. You've got to be optimistic.
So I have a question for you.
If the girl you're seeing at the moment was to get pregnant, how would that situation unfold?
Okay, so first of all, I would ask who the fuck is he you're sleeping with? Who is you're cheating on me with no Obviously she's not cheating, so if it was mine. I can't tell a woman what to do with her body. I can't be like the guy tells her what to do. But I would definitely encourage her on keeping that baby because it would almost be a miracle child, like he would be a miracle. I wanted, we've actually had that conversation really and I said, would call it sane, but that.
Got shotted down real quick. And did she say that she would potentially keep it?
She didn't say anything about that. That didn't come up. We sort of laughed laughed about and I said, like, who the fuck is he?
Okay, Matt, did you know that one in nine Australian couples experience fertility problems There are many causes of infertility for about two in five couples who also have these infertility problems due to sperm.
Well, that was one of the reasons. Like why I said before I wanted to jump on here was because it is more common than you think now. I remember seeing ads for it on TV and it was like, let's talk about it and all that sort of stuff, and I was like, it's probably a good time to jump on here and use my platform that we're lucky enough to have to talk about it.
Yeah, and like we've had a lot of discussions about this where you just wanted to be kind of like a role model for people who maybe were going through that and just like a voice for them. And you know, your dms or messages are always open to people like you want to be there as a support and I really think that you're a great role model for it.
You've handled this so well. I know that there are still opportunities for you to protect actually have kids, which we're hoping and praying for you that those things come to fruition.
But you know, you are so brave.
I know this has been so hard for you, And you know there's a stigma around infertility that we need to talk more about and have more of a conversation about.
And that's what I wanted to break, was the stigma around it, Like there's no reason for a man to feel ashamed, Like it doesn't or a woman or a woman, But it doesn't make you feel any less of a human, any less of a man about it. Obviously, there's ways as IVF like medicine has come so far in like five years. Every year things are developing, Like who knows where it could be when I'm ready for kids, you
know what I mean. One of the specialists said that they can take a bit of my DNA and turn it into a sperm and like make my recoonnironation of my sperm. They're not far off doing that.
That's insane.
Yeah, So there's all these opportunities out there, and I think that the stigma around it should definitely be broken, and if someone is suffering from it, they should be able to express themselves.
Yeah, and I'm so proud of you for doing that, Matt.
Thank you for coming on our show, I guess as our guest and really like allowing people to connect with you and hear your story. We really hope that this can help people and even if you're not suffering with infertility problems, just to be more aware of it, right.
Yeah, And if you know someone that's going through it, you hear this, maybe send them that so they've got someone that can hear talk to you and they can someone that understands them.
Yeah.
Look, Matt, it's been an absolute pleasure.
As I've said over this whole episode, I'm.
So proud of you. Congratulations. You are the voice of this issue, and I really think that you're helping so many people out.
Thanks. I appreciate it, and I'm happy that I jumped on here and actually addressed it. I was a bit anxious to about it. I have been, like we said, i'ming and a ring, but I'm happy that now I can tell my story and hopefully help others.
Yeah, until next time, guys. Alright mm hm