HOW TO SPICE THINGS UP WHEN DISTANCE GETS IN THE WAY

I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming.

She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of my kissing style with a.

Boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours.

He's in a trash bin.

He's non recyclable. Catching them up.

I love being love. I love love.

On today's episode of Where's Your Head At, we are discussing all things long distance relationships. After Matt and I have been apart for the past three weeks.

We'll take a look at how long distance relationships work and where the absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.

This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, intimate details, advice, and much more.

Hello, Matt, I've just spilt my coffee all over our podcasting table.

Sorry about that smell like coffee, though, I do like that smell. How you going. I'm good. We're back in the studio and we've listened to you guys, and we're doing a topic episode.

I know. So we put a poll on our Facebook page and we thought for sure that the hotlines we're gonna win, Like everyone loves the hot lines because we've had so much good feedback. But actually the winner was a topic episode followed closely behind by a hot line and then an interview.

Well, let's not take away from our guests. We've had some beautiful guests over the time. But you guys just want to hear us talk about topics, don't you.

I guess the thing about guests is maybe some people might not know some of the guests or they might have less interest, whereas like a topic is always interesting. So anyway, we have been separated for about three weeks, which is a long time for our platonic friendship to endure us. Not long enough, no, because we're on the phone like every single day, like certantly talking about the podcast. We're constantly like in communication, and we kind of had a bit of a break, to.

Be fair, I didn't think it was that long because we're always in touch, and then it was brought to our at tension.

Yeah, So I was in Hamilton Island and then I came back and then it was the Easter break and I went to Mildura. Michael is going to Sydney coming up for a work conference which he missed last year because we were in Bali, but this year he'll be going anyway. I looked at the dates because Matt and I are actually planning another Sydney trip but during Sydney Fashion Week.

Excited for that.

Yeah, and then I realized that Michael's conference is the week before, which means that he'll go to Sydney for the week, come home, and then on the Monday, I'll go to Sydney with you for the week.

When you sent me the dates, I thought they were crossing over. No, okay, they crossed over, So I was like that will work then.

Yeah, and so we were like, oh, that's so annoying. We're going to be separated for a couple of weeks. I mean we have been separated before. We got separated where and I got separated and like so like dramatic. People who actually have been in a long distance relationships are probably like shut up, shut up, But we did. I went to the UK last year and then Dubai.

How long was that?

It was about three weeks. I'm pretty sure what felt like a long time.

Would you guys do to like keep it going, like keep you know, staying touch in that because the time difference is pretty difficult. I remember you go to trouble with it.

Yeah, the time difference is really hard. I think it's kind of funny because Michael, he just ended up like when I would wake up, I would call him, and then he'd end up like staying awake during the middle of the night. So like when I actually came home from being overseas, I was like, I'm so jet lagged, and He's like, yeah, me too, because he'd been like half in the middle of the night, like because he just wanted to talk to me, which was very sweet

Look at that? Yes I have. So I actually was in a long distance relationship. This is actually you remember this, don't you. It was what it's two years ago exactly to the point, because I remember I was chatting with her watching the Anzac day game. It was actually two years to the day. So do you know McKenzie Ditman from Love Island, US, Well, I mean I.

Do know her because you told me about it. For everyone listening, you can probably so find her online.

I slid into her DMS around that time, and we chatted and like we were very chatting, Like I remember you were very chatting, well, like pretty intensely. Yeah, like so I was. Remember it was during like still borders were closed, so like I was trying to get her like a through my dad's work, a visa two. Yeah, she didn't know that. I didn't know that.

I don't know that.

I was getting my dad to try like figure out a visa like as so she could work and you know, still be yeah.

At the full company.

Yeah, so she'd be like in the office, I guess, taking like payroll, working and then she could come into the country.

So hold on, let's just rewind because Matt jumps like a thousand miles ahead because I didn't even know this was happening. So you slid into her DMS and what did you say.

I'm notinety nine percent sure it was a flame reaction, right, So.

You flame reacted, and then the conversation obviously unraveled. From then, how did it become just like chatting in the DMS to something more serious very quickly.

I think that it was maybe like a day or two that we moved from the DMS to I said, I was just like, I'll call you, yeah, and then she was like chatted on the phone. Yeah. I was like, I'll call you, and I was driving. I remember I was driving and I called her, and I remember she said it didn't go through because I didn't know how to call an international number at the time, so like we did, do you call an international Well, I thought it was just normally you do it on FaceTime, fame

Of the world's calling.

Du Yeah, So then I got through we started chatting. What we found that we could chat on was American football, So my love for American football. You do love American Yeah, she lived in Arizona, so like we talked about them, the Cardinals and all that sort of stuff. And then I talked to her about AFL, try teacher about that. I remember that was really earlier. I sent her a video about AFL and then.

Yeah, we just connected on your love of sport.

A love of sport. Yeah, do you you like we were chatting pretty intensely for a long time, Like I reckon it was two months, like we were even like this is how wild. We hadn't even met, and we were like exclusive, like weren't like sleeping getting with other people, talking to other people. It was pretty intense.

Yeah, I do remember that it's wild that needed to be exclusive with someone who you've never met. I mean, I guess you see it on the not that this was a catfish situation, but I mean on catfish people in relationships for like six years.

Do you remind me of like catfish sort of thing?

Because you guys video chatted, video chatted a lot. I mean I remember once I got into your car, I don't know where we were going, probably the podcast.

No podcast wasn't around them, wasn't it.

Okay, I got into your car and she was on the phone, and she had like she was like, hey Anna in her American accent, and I was like, hey what an American accent?

Yeah. So, like we do different things to like, you know, make the relationship work. I would still go on dates.

Well, how would you go on a date if you're in a long distance relationship for America to Australia.

So we would obviously because of the time difference, it was pretty brutal, and I didn't me being meetn't give much. So like I was like, all right, well, when I'm having dinner, you have dinner. So it would probably be like two o'clock in the morning, four o'clock in the morning there.

So she was having dinner at four o'clock in the.

Morning something like that.

Yeah, I don't do you want to do the fucking late shift.

I'd work and stuff like I had to get up for work. So it all worked out.

But she'd make a fake dinner or she'd eat actually eat dinner.

I think she'd eat dinner and then so like we do stuff that we could both order. So we did Domino's on time, we did like KFC or market. Yeah, so stuff that we could both have the same thing and we'd FaceTime and eat together and just chat.

That's quite cute, Matt. Yeah. See I loved the imagination, did you?

And yeah, handle it dinner.

He's a man to get hot, So you obviously really liked it.

Yeah, I did you in your.

Mind obviously when you entered into this exclusive long distance relationship, were you thinking, look, the borders are going to open soon. Were you planning on going there? Was she planning on going coming to Australia? What was the deal?

It was a bit of both, like neither of us. I sort of didn't say I was going to go over there because I had work and other stuff, this podcast in the pipeline and all that sort of stuff. So I wasn't so And I'd already been to America, so I wasn't so like just going there. But I said I'll go and like go over there. If the borders were open, it would have been a completely different story. I would have flown over the next I would have

Of like I made it fizzle out.

To be fair, I'm pretty sure she ghosted me. It was just like it just wasn't working like the whole like we couldn't see anything like that.

You were being slack and that's why, Yeah, that's not let's not paying yourself as a victim.

Yeah, I was being shitty like I was. I could see that there was no like it was there was no end in sight. So I sort of, yeah, got shitty, like not shitty towards it, but like I was getting her toward the situation.

Yeah, so she didn't go into that a bit more like what kind of happened?

To be fair, I don't really remember, do you remember?

Not really? I just remember that she was annoyed at you, and I think you were kind of taking a step back. Yeah, memory, but I can't like specifically remember details.

Well, I've got a message that says, fuck, she's going to Crispin if she ever hears this. I said, what's wrong? Said nothing? All good talk later. Don't tell me you're clearly not happy. I'm not happy. We just didn't talk today because you blew me off, which is fine because we're casual now. But I'm busy tomorrow so we may not talk then.

So obviously the long distance kind of got in the way the way I guess what happened? Question when the borders did open? What was your kind of relationship status?

Well, I was with Jen right, got you? Yeah, so I remember that the borders opened. I did think to myself about it. She actually sent me a photo that the borders had opened.

Wow.

I ignored it, obviously because I was in a relationship with Jen yep, but I acknowledged it in my mind and I was like, oh yeah, and then nothing. I think she no, she was going to come out to Australia and was going to catch up with my family because she actually had met my family over FaceTime, so she was friendly with them.

That is so weird.

I don't find weird. Yeah, I don't find that weird at all.

Well, meeting someone face some one time and they're going to catch up with them, Yeah.

I don't think it's weird. I think it's like they got along. I would you're in a foreign country, you know, like some.

People they're like, yeah, I get that, Like I definitely get the fact that, like you're trying to bit I mean you're in a relationship.

Yeah, I mean yeah. So that sort of happened and then we and then we just think, yeah, it was pretty shame that that was just.

The timing was off. Timing is off.

The timing is everything.

Timing is everything. We've spoken about that a lot, and I mean, what can you do if the borders are close and there's nowhere to go?

Well, like I said, if the borders were open, I would have flown over there. Literally, this is like imagine right, like if I was in that situation, I'd just fly straight over. Like I've got no qualms jumping on a plane. I actually enjoy jumping on planes.

I'm saving my penny and how should I want to go to LA at the moment? Yeah, you like, we do other things as well, Like I remember we would start movies at the same time, at the exact same time, press play and watch them at the same time.

And TV shows.

Didn't you have a bath together ones? I'm sure you like put rose petals.

In your I think that sounds familiar.

Yeah, I'm yeah, that's so mad of mat.

We'd also do like romantic things, like right before we finished, she sent me a box and it had like her favorite snacks in there. It had like a nice cool T shirt. I don't think I've worn that yet get it out, had like her favorite snacks. It had she was just in a magazine, so she sent me the magazine, which was really sweet. She also sent me a pair

Hold on, I'm still in the underwear thing. I have not heard anything that you said. I think I heard tim tawn at one point. Were they used under it?

No, they weren't. They weren't used, and they were sprayed in her perfume. So so you did smell, well, it was when you opened them you could smell it, and it was coming from them. It was nice, so sweet, romantic, romantic, Like I said, putting.

A good pair of my underwrown a box and sending it to the other side of the world, I'd be wearing them. It's true, this is true, but I mean, look it is yeah, like since they're not worn and used, it is quite sweet.

And then I was packing on for her, so I put the equivalent of the version of her snack that she liked in there with watching the Mandalorian at the time together, So I had like a baby Yoda that probably doesn't mean anything to you, but like it's like the things I had a soft plush toy of that. She collects Starbucks mugs from every city she went to. So I brought her a Melbourne one cue. I that in there, but we stopped talking before I could send that off.

She still got it.

I had it in my room for a while because I moved out within the week with my mates at the time, because I moved out, so it was sitting in my bedroom at my mum's for a while because obviously wasn't there right. And then eventually, I think like Christmas time, so like nearly a year later, I was just eventually these things to go, like it's like it's with gen now this is clearly not and it ain't going anywhere. Wow.

We that's so interesting. Yeah, So when obviously it started to fizzle out, was there a talk of the fact that you guys were no longer exclusive or did it just.

I think it just fizzled. I think there was talk of it.

I don't remember the in that message before she did say I know we're casual now. Maybe it was kind of spoken about.

I don't remember things. I remember getting really jealous though.

Really.

Yeah, it's well, my love language is obviously quality time and intimate touch. So intimacy, yeah, touching like intimacy. Yeah, it's just funny, it's fun Yeah, So like none of that really like hurt like that. So I struggled with and then to know that she was going out and at the time, I wasn't really going out. I was like sort of standing, you're in COVID lockdown, COVID lockdown, So I was like knuckling down saving all that sort of stuff as well. So she was like going out

Who you're meeting and who with the people you're with?

Yeah, and I'm jealous of the best.

Of times speaking to the choiet preaching. Yeah no, but like it's kind of true. It's like even if you're it's not like an attractive male that she's hanging out with, it you're jealous, it's still like you're jealous of the time she's spending with other people because you don't get to spend that time.

It's exactly what I said. I was like, I'd love to be spending this time, and it just hurts it like other people get to do you know what I mean?

Yeah, And I think that's one of the most challenging things about long distance relationships is the jealousy. That's the There was a study done where people spoke about the feeling that they feel the most in long distance relationships, and the number one thing that keeps popping up is jealousy. Is the jealousy of the other people around you and the time that people are spending with you and they're not getting to see you and spend that time with you not feeling like a priority. Yeah.

And then they've obviously got other things going on in their life over there which you can't be involved in. So like at the time she was well share, she had her she was doing all her stuff over there, and I wanted to be a part of it obviously, you know when you like someone, Yeah, like stuff and what they're doing absolutely okay. So there's seven stages to

Yeah. So Basically, people decide to go long distance because maybe an opportunity might arise, something to do with work or study, or like a lifelong dream, or a family member moving or someone's ill, whatever it might be.

One person might just want to travel the world and the other one can't for work, and come to the decision that like you're I'm happy with you to travel, I'm going to stay here.

Yeah, And so part of that first stage is a decision to actually be in a long distance relationship or to break up. And then the second stage is as.

If you decide to stay in a long distance If.

You decide to stay in long distance, the second stage is the parting. So during the parting, there's a lot of boundaries that need to be set. There's basically like a whole new set of rules that you need to make for your relationship, Like this is what I'm comfortable with, this is what.

I'm not it'd be so hard, so hard, right, it would be like imagine partying, like knowing that they're about to hop on a plane or take off in the car and you're not going to see them. Yeah, you're not going to be able to just fall on them.

For like cud cuddle. Yeah, your love language no longer there.

That's it's I think it might even be correct me if I'm wrong, But like nearly as bad as breaking.

Up, almost, because you're like, I really don't want to break up. We belong together, we love each.

Time, and we're still together.

Technically, we're technically still together. And now I need to put all of my faith and trust in you that this is you know, we're going to get to the other end and eventually be back together.

Yeah, which feel like that would be intense.

It's extremely intense. I can't even like imagine imagine at all.

Could you imagine Michael going, Okay, I've got to go to Europe for my work.

I just have a feeling that wherever Michael would go, you just go with. I would follow. But that's because I'm in a position where I can do that. I know that I'm in a very lucky and blessed position to be able to just pick up, like I can call into this podcast and we can still have the podcast running, other things that I have going on in the side, it can all be picked up and moved. And I realize how fortunate I am to be able to do that.

Even on the weekend. My sister's fiance wants to go travel. That's why I brought up before. He just wants to go travel. And obviously my sister's got a job now that she's fully in and she loves it and she can't take time off like that. Yeah, so they're a not a crossroads. But she literally said go travel. Like I said, Okay, I've got to focus on my job and compromise.

And I think all relationships there needs to be compromises made. Let's move into stage three, which is a transition.

So this is when you're like tin positioning from a like were saying before, like from a relationship where you're with your partner. You can rely on your partner to go out for breakfast in a drink, or you can ask them to get something from the shops on the way home. Now you can't. You're by yourself.

Yeah, and that transitional period is very hard. There's a lot of big emotions encompassing that stage. There's a lot of sadness. You know, you're kind of finding your independence again, you're finding your new normal.

What You've still got them there, so that's still got them.

So that's why it's like you've still got them, but also your life.

That's what I mean out there. So I find I find it harder than a breakup, I reckon because you've still got them, like on the phone, and like you're still part of each other's lives, but they're not there.

But I guess you just you want to be in a lot of communication with them, and you know, to be like really like a part of their life and to be finding out what they're doing and facetiming and calling and all of those things to stay to feel really connected. The great thing about this day and age doing a long distance relationship is it's so much easier than before. Like people were writing letters and waiting for

You know what I mean, Like, yeah, you'd have to call from either like a payphone or from like your house phone.

Yeah, And I think long distance relationships are much more common now, I would say because of the fact that we have so many means of communication.

M hm. The next step, step four is realization. So when it sinks in and you've you've come to let's say terms, or you've come to accept what's happening.

There's a lot of processing to do with the situation. And I think after you're spending a bit of time away from someone and starting to find that new normal, it really like I think the reality of the situation then sets in and you're like, Okay, that's what it's like, this is how my life now is. And I guess it's kind of like is there an end in sight? Can I do?

This?

Is this gonna?

You know?

Is this suitable for me? Which brings us to stage five, which is the jealousy, which we spoke a lot about before. A lot of people who are in long distance relationships experience this overwhelming feeling of jealousy. Man.

Yeah, I mean, as like I said before, I was I was very jealous. I'm a jealous person at heart, So like I found it very hard to be in that situation where, like I said, you see you're like your partner having like a good time with other people or just stuff that you can't be involved in. It it's like like I want to take you out for dinner, and like, yeah, you get green with jealousy?

Did she ever get jealous with you?

Maybe? I don't really remember. I don't remember. I can't. I don't. Yeah, remember that thing stands out. Nothing stands out to me really, I mean I feel like anyone in that situation probably could or would.

Yeah, yeah, Okay, moving on to stage six. So stage six and seven are the most crucial. So stage six is doubt. So that's when you start to second guess yourself. Is this a good idea? Can I do this long term? Can I do this for another six months or however long it's going to be? I better off single. The doubt is like the really crucial stage of a long distance relationship where you either go from strength to strength or you decide this isn't going to work out for me.

So if you don't think it's going to work out, that's the end of it. You're breaking up with them. Well, there's no seventh step.

So the seventh stage is validation, and that is like the optimal thing that you need in a long distance relationship to make it work. So that's the validation, the communication, the reassurance, and that's the things that really does stop

I think, teammate, I think that there could never be too much validation and words of affirmation in a long distance relationship.

Do you feel better from our fate relationship from that?

Yeah, like you need? I reckon, There could never be too much, Like I reckon, You could just keep going, keep taling them it's skinning, be all right, I'll see you in be and then it would lift both everyone's spirits up, don't you reckon?

Yeah? When I was saying that little spiel, Matt's like nodding and smiling like.

Cool, Yeah, yeah, we're gonna be good. I love validation. How good is it? I agree? I have Well that's the seven steps. But I think that a validation you could never have enough in a long distance relationship.

Absolutely, And the communication and like, I think a lot of relationships break down because of a lack of communication, and so before you're entering into a long distance relationship, you really need to be crystal clear and if you're feeling a certain feeling to tell your partner, like, you know, we don't ever, I don't think you do. Do you bottle things up? Because I don't bottle anything. As soon as I feel an emotion, I'm like, so forthcoming.

It's probably something I should probably work on bottling some stuff up, not picking out everything. I reckon. No, I don't bottle anything up. I'm pretty straight to it. I tell you how I feel, I speak my mind.

Yeah. Yeah, but I think it's positive, especially like it.

Can be sometimes I find that like I didn't need to say that. I'm like, oh, I don't need to say that, Like, just let us slide this one cushions.

I mean, I don't know.

What you talking, Like, is it worth it?

Really I'm just saying you feel like I'm feeling insecure. I'll be like, oh, I'm feeling a bit insecure. Then I'll get some validation and then I'll be like Okay, then good.

I don't know what you're I just about everything in general.

Some one annoys you, heap. I mean, you can probably still annoy someone.

It's pritty easy. It's surprisingly easier than you think.

Okay, I have a question for you. Way, would you ever do another long distance relationship?

I guess it's the old fashioned thing of what I know now. I probably could and probably be a lot better at it.

So you feel comfortable no, but you do it.

Yeah, but if it was the one, if it was the one.

So if it wasn't the one, then you'd be.

Like yeah, I mean, I mean yeah, yeah. I mean it depends on the situation, wouldn't it If it's like what, Well, it's easier now borders are open, like you can just jump on a plane. I've got the flexibility of moving wherever and doing whatever as well, so I could just slake off on a plane.

But sometimes it's not that easy. I mean, popping on a plane is expensive.

True, for you know, paying for accommodation, but you'd stay there, but there they've got a house. Yeah, I don't know. I think that you know, you know what you know now you would? Yeah, have you been in a long distance relationship, Hannah, I've.

Not been in a long distance relationship. But I was in a six year relationship and I decided to go to Hong Kong for work to model for three months. I don't know if you remember that.

Yeah, I downed Hong Kong.

Yeah, so I went to Hong Kong for three months and I was in a relationship the whole time.

And how'd you find that?

You know what? I found it like pretty chill, like pretty easy. We spoke like every day I would wake up to like a good morning message. We'd kind of text all day. We'd FaceTime, so there's a time difference a couple of hours. It wasn't too bad. And yeah, like I think the only challenging thing would be like if it was like a weekend and he was out with his friend friends, I'd be a bit like you're in Hong Kong bottles, Well.

Yeah, more jealous.

I think he was mildly jealous, but like I was probably more jealous, But yeah, I was staying with my friends Serah because she was working at Disneyland as a Disney princess, so she had accommodation in Hong Kong, so I just moved in with her, which was really fun. Like when I think back to like my memories of my younger life in my twenties, that's probably a highlight

I'm yeah, that's it. It's very interesting. I like, I'm hearing you talk about modeling overseas. I've got my stories about it as well. It's it's not everyone glamorous, is it. It's not Glamorous's not glamorous at all. But I mean, I think I was like, how old were you?

I think I was like twenty three, twenty two.

Yeah, and back to the long distance thing, how did you guys make that work? Then? Facetiming all the time?

Yeah, yeah, FaceTime. I ended up going to Thailand as well with my girlfriends. I directed that trip.

And you were the one that was more jealous. Well, you're galliber galibating around.

I mean the thing is is you trust yourself. You know that you're not going to do anything wrong. So it's like, you know, you're like, well, it's not a big deal that I'm in Hong Kong and Thailand and having the best time ever. But like I was, like, what are you doing in Melbourne when I'm not there? You know, like it's always that like what are you up to? Type of like feeling that you have inside and.

I think which brings us back to number seven.

Validation, which I got and it made it like a very simipol process. And then obviously coming back to Melbourne and getting to see him like I missed him, and we carried on with our relationship until it entered three years later.

There you go where you want to be here?

Now?

Would you?

Okay, let's talk about how to make a long distance relationship work. Next.

Okay, so we shouldn't be asking me about this, but we've got some why not. He didn't make it work. But that's the best bit. Ask someone that knows how from their failure how to succeed, who's learned their lessons.

Look, look, if you are going to enter into another long term relationship in your life, then these could be some good tips. The first one is to set the ground rules, like we said before, setting boundaries, setting expectations and knowing where you both stand.

Keep the communication as well regular and keep it interesting. So like, but I do like you can just chat all the time, like I reckon just always on the text. It depends on the time difference as well. But yeah, you've got to make it work, and you've got to find certain times that you can, you know, take some times make FaceTime calls or when you can text. Like I think you both need to sacrifice something in your life.

I think it's interesting, like when you aren't like around someone sending them photos of your day, like photos of like maybe what you're eating, or photos of where you are, and it just makes them feel like a little bit more a part of your life. I think that really helps. Even when my friends are like overseas, I love seeing pictures of where they are. I'm like, send me photos, like I want to see the photos of where you are.

Definitely come out stronger. Keep it flirty, like you know, to keep the messages like you know, like fit dirty, like you know, don't take it too seriously the whole time.

Like yeah, like you can FaceTime or send like, you know, naughty photos to keep them excited. Like obviously you're not physically with each other, but like you can still kind of like hit those spots of course.

Yeah there's like I said, phone sex, FaceTime sex, you can really do whatever.

Yeah, okay, this one's an important one for me. And this also comes down to like communication and just being really aware of what you're doing whilst you're away from your partner. So I guess not putting your partner in anxious situations where they might see a photo of you at a bar with you know, a person of the opposite sex. It's attractive, you know, doing little things like that where they go, what are they doing? Question mark over your name? Like what's going on? Can I trust you?

Yeah, I mean that would suck. You know, you're sitting you're sitting at home on the time difference, and they're out.

In a bar twiddling your thumbs, being like all.

At work because of the time difference, You're sitting at work and they're out getting drunk.

You know what's so funny is I had a friend once because there's like a little bit off topic, but also kind of on topic. She was like the FBI, like to a t. She was like the best FBI agent of all time in the land of anyway, all women the point, but she went to like a whole different level. So I remember once she had been on like three dates with this guy and then he was going to Bali and they had gotten along really well, they'd had sex. She was really into him, he was

That's just three days.

And then and then he kind of went a bit i A for like three hours or something during the night, and she got like a late night message. So she's like and then she's like, where has he been. He's obviously been like you know, he was texting her flat out like they were like.

They were on and man fell asleep.

No. And then so what she did is because she had been able to identify every single person in the story, I know this. Yeah, she had found like a couple of like the girls who she thought he was like sitting close to slash for his type, and sent a message on Instagram being like, Hey, I'm this person's girlfriend girlfriend.

I just wanted to, like an FBI agent, I just want.

To know if you guys hooked up, because like he's been a bit sneaky in the past, and I just like want to know from girl to girl. And then the girl was like, oh my god, I'm so sorry I kissed him that night. I'm really sorry. I didn't know he didn't tell me he had a girlfriend. He technically didn't have a girlfriend, but he did say that he wasn't going to hook up with people. And she is such an FBI agent that she found out. I'm like, you know, what, is it a bit crazy? Yes? Can I get around it?

Yeah?

Because she called him out and like he fully lied, and like you can't lie to women, because we have a sixth sense.

You feel it in your waters and.

We can feel it in our bones and something's off. She felt it, and she, you know, proceeded accordingly and found out the truth.

Good honor, Yeah, good honor. Has she called up the FBI. She's going to Quanico next week. She's getting a job, getting a job. She is detective on I on literally alright, So back to our list. Make visits to see each other as much as possible. So whenever you can get a free weekend and you have obviously cash or you can afford to go, go, Yeah, maybe find.

Place even if it's for like two nights, Like just make the long trip or halfway.

You both go halfway, Yeah, both go halfway, and you can meet there and then it's easier on both of you.

There's no Yeah, yeah, absolutely, try to enjoy the same activity. Is kind of like what you were saying with Mackenzie before, watching the same TV show together, or watching a movie together, reading the same book. I guess that way you can kind of connect on those things, discuss them with one another, have a little chat going about a movie, and I think that's really bonding.

Yeah. I agree. Have a planned end date. So obviously when the borders aren't closed, you can't think of a date when they keep just pushing it back, pushing it back, So that's really kills the desire for it, like you know what I mean, It just dampens the mood. But if if you don't have an endset end date, because that could be the end of the contract when they're working in receipts or the end of their studying or something like that.

Absolutely, yeah, I think an end date is extremely important so that you can feel like it's not just forever.

Get a calendar count down the days or get one on your phone and you can see how many days are left, and it will make it a lot easier.

For you whilst they're away. Spend quality time with your friends and family, time that you might not have had. I think that's an important one. Surround yourself with people that love you, you know, get all the love, even although it's not that intimate love, it's still love.

Keep on top of each other's schedules so you can understand where they'll be, why they're not talking to you. Not in a creepy way like your friend did, but like you know, just like so, yeah, you can understand why they're not talking to you, and then that could save you from getting ch other'd beout. Okay they're in a meeting, or Okay they're getting their hair done or okay they're doing this, so you're not getting too frantic and your anxiety levels aren't peaking.

Yeah, make a time to video call as well. I think video calling is I mean it feels face to face right, Like you know, we talk to our podcast team who are in Sydney and we feel like we

Also, one is a boundaries, so like you've got to set the boundaries as your partner. Obviously that means you could like stay exclusive or also it could mean that you have some sort of boundaries that help you guys through it. Like you could be like, okay, like if you really are desiring intimacy so much, you know, you could have some monogamish relationship that you could figure out between the two of you, if that's what boths you want.

Yeah, I mean I guess like every relationship is different, and it wouldn't be right for us to not mention that, like if yeah, if that's something, because you can't do it just because we would absolutely hate that. Like even hearing you say it, I was like, no.

Kiss anyone out.

But yeah, like whatever works for you, guys, whatever is going to keep the relationship alive, you know, whatever makes you feel comfortable. I think it's important to not do anything like that because you think it's what your partner wants. I think set your own boundaries really, like dive deep within yourself and figure out what you want and then share that. I think gifting as well. Like you said before,

Yeah, I agree. Like you could send them like, yeah, plush toy and hug it and then send it to.

Them and say perfumed underwear maybe.

Yeah, And you could transfer the hug through that that plush toy. You could keep sending it back and forth you have enough money hugging it and then send it back the next day.

Okay, man, let's talk about the benefit of a long distance relationship, but also the red flags to look out for. Next.

Okay, so, there's a lot of pros to a long distance relationship as well as cons. But let's touch on the pros first.

Yeah. Absolutely, so. I think it really encourages you to refine your emotional connection with your partner so much. At the start of a relationship, or at least for the first couple of years, it's very physical. You know, I love being smothered with love and affection and touch, but when that's taken away from you, You're forced to really develop that emotional connection.

I agree, You've got to search you within yourself to know that it's real. So it's a great way to test the love and see if your feelings for one another are actually real or it's not just that they're in front of you and they're convenient I guess, or the person that's in front of you that you're feeling towards. Yeah.

Absolutely. I think it also makes you appreciate spending time together when you actually do get to spend it with one another. I mean the whole like them having to leave and longing for them and like and there's the Yearney you put them on this massive pedestal and you're like, all I want is just one kiss and one cuddle

My mate I was talking to a gym the other day. He he's in a long distance one. He lives in Melbourne obviously with us, and his girlfriend lives in Sydney, so they he loves it and he reckons he gets so much time to himself. He can, like you know, hanging out, find time for himself as well as when he sees her, he's with her and they're spending that time together and they're literally like quality time together, which I guess that his love language because he enjoys it a lot.

Yeah, And really like being able to learn to enjoy your own company, and that's something that I struggled with a lot. I think I really only learned to enjoy my own company when I moved into an apartment by myself, and then I started to really embrace that time. And I think you just don't understand how good it is until there's literally no one around.

You get while you're in a relationship.

Forget when you're in a relationship. You forget when you're living with other people, when there's constantly people.

Alone time was still good to get away from the hustle and bustle of it all.

Your house was very busy. I mean, imagine just being in your own home and doing what you want with it, and you know, like there's just nothing like it. So really just like enjoying that alone time. It's so valuable and I think is something that not a lot of people get in their life or will only get for a very short period of time.

Yes, and it also allows you to grow as an individual and develop healthy relationship while being alone and enjoying your own company.

Like you said, absolutely and came out, let's talk about the red flags of being in a long dist relationship, things that you might need to look out for if you are in a long distance relationship, if you're feeling a bit insecure, if you're feeling that deep jealousy and you aren't getting the reassurance that you need.

The first one would be you are the only one initiating conversations. So that's rough i'd be for any relationship.

Really, yeah, that's any relationship. I would not be happy about that.

What is it the expression we say nothing is louder than words or something? What was it when they say nothing, it's louder than if they oh.

Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah, like being ghosted. Yeah, Like that's that's more of like a.

That's louder than if they were saying anything.

Correct, I don't know what they're saying is.

If you guys remember it, let us know so the other.

Day I cracked it at Michaels. I was like, you have a message with me all day and he's like, Babe, at nine am, I sent you three messages and you haven't replied, and I was like, yeah, but like I forgot about those, and then you didn't message you all day and it's now three o'clock.

He had you sent messages in between.

No, and that's like the most that we hadn't spoken. But he had sent me three messages at nine and he's like, I just thought you were busy, So I just left you to it because you had a busy day.

What a chilled life, not worry, what a blissful life he lives. It is to get in your own head for six hours, your partner not.

Replying, So yeah, someone didn't reply to you for six hours, Like what the fuck?

You dead? Sending out to search fucking party.

We're very much in communication always, but I just like, I think I was so busy all day. And then at like three o'clock I realized. I was like, oh, I haven't spoken to Michael all day, and I was like, why haven't you called me?

You thought you're busy. He was just living his flissful life work.

Okay. Another red flag in a long distance relationship is that you feel like you're arguing a lot more than usual. There's nothing worse than conflict in a relationship.

Right then, Yeah, but I think that would be for the reasons are because it's long distance. Absolutely over if you're arguing over those things and the boundaries you've set.

Sometimes when people aren't happy as well in the situation that they're in, ie a long distance relationship, you can start really pulling people apart, you can pull things apart, you can get more grumpy, and I think when those little arguments start to arise and become more frequent, it really does make you feel like very on edge and Matt smiling because you've been in a lot of relationships where there's lots of fights.

Yeah, because well I find that true. If you're not happy of what's going on, you're going to pick arguments about just random stuff because you're trying to, you know, find places to to make it uneasy on each other to end the relationship.

What about when the communication gets really stale, that's hard and there's just.

Like it's hard to keep the conversation going. Well, that would just be someone that's just not interested, and they're, like I said before, you're initiating conversation, so you're the one who's trying to keep it going. Take the hint they're not interested.

I don't actually think I've initiated a conversation more than once in a row. And I don't think it's me being toxic. I think it's just like I really like things to be equal and it to be very give and take, and if I don't, if I feel like I'm giving too much, then I fully pull back.

I'm the opposite. I would just yeah, I'm no shame of starting the conversation again if it's fizzled out.

See whereas I'm well obviously not with Michael, but like I'm talking about like other previous relationships, like it would always have to feel very like equal for me, Like I would not want to like be constantly like messaging them first. That would feel really like off to me.

Yeah, like we said, that means that if you're doing that, maybe they're just really shit at texting or they're just not interested.

And also when the conversation is hard to keep going, like it's like, hey, okay, how are you?

If someone could just be really shit chat game. But no one wants to date song with the shit chat game, you.

Know what I mean. Some people do, but if someone has a shit chat game, it's kind of on you to be like you need to up your your text message. Yeah, I think you need to tell them if you're not happy with the way someone's texting, you need to be like you need to up your text messages or if you're not going to then you need to call me, and you know, on that, simulate me mentally on that.

I looked across at my sister's phone. She was texting her partner and don't out your What I said to her was, how funny is looking at other people's ship chats with their partner their ship chat. I can't remember exactly what it was. They were out for dinner and I think they were just saying like, oh, I'm having this, and he was just like, yeah, well I'm eating this. It was just a real ship it's funny thing, like we all do it.

We all.

We all do ship chats, but like it's funny watching other people ship chats.

Yeah, okay, they rarely open up about their life outside of the relationship.

Big red flag, huge red flag. Couldn't be any better than that.

You want to if you're with someone, you want to know every different facet of their life, whether it be work, whether it be hobbies, friends, everything. If they're leaving all of that out, there's a problem.

I feel the same way if you if you've got a partner and they go out or something and they very vague on the night or don't really want to talk about it, and that's a red flag.

What about when your anxiety is just peaking before, during, and after you're talking to them? That is a red flag if I've ever heard of one. Have you ever been in a relationship where you're just anxious? Twenty four to seven.

Lay that shall not be named, Yes, Lay you shall not be named. They that shall not be named. Yes, I did feel like that with her.

Yeah, yeah, red flag, just a red flag.

You don't know what you're going to get, what sort of version of them you're going to get, how they're going to be acting that day.

Yeah, very anxious, red flag they got mission.

Yeah, they attempt to gaslight you?

Exciting.

I think that's very self explainatory.

Spanish self explanatorue. You hate gas lighting, someone's doing it?

I feel like that gets thrown around a bit though at the moment it.

Gets it gets thrown around a bit. But I think it's because it's very common. Yeah, it's very common. And I mean once you know what it is and you're able to look out for it, you spot it quicker. Yeah, exactly, you identify it, you bring it to the table, you say this is not okay. I mean, gaslighting is an extreme form of manipulation and no one should be getting away with doing it. So I think it's good that people are more aware.

Yeah. I've heard just my mates and stuff bring it up a lot recently, like in different situations, and I'm like, is it though, I was like, I don't know, Like sometimes I just don't feel like people use it in the right context.

Yeah, I mean I've heard someone explaining gaslighting. And it can't just be like a one time like of course, like a one time thing where someone does something you feel it has to be like, you know, it's happened a couple of times.

You know where it comes from. Gaslighting. No, it's about the It's so it's a story about a woman and a guy who lived together and he kept turning the gas on the stove and then she would turn it off and she said the gas on the stoves on and he's like, no, it's not. And then you keep turning on sick to make her feel like she was going crazy, and she'd go turn it off and she'd be like, yes it was. He's like, it's off.

Look that scares the shit out of me.

That sliding comes from, so that it's a continuous You're continuous generously like making someone feel like they're crazy for feeling the way or believing what they believe. So whence people say it one not feel like no, that's just like when youflating someone or like but I'd.

Be like, look at the lever, it's not straight.

Then he'd just say, yes it is. Is it was off? I turned it off. You've turned it off before.

Wild scenes and the last red flag is there seems to be a lack of trust on both of your behalf. This kind of takes us back to the seven stages of entering into a long distance relationship and that doubt and the validation, And I think the best way to overcome that is just by validating your partner.

I agree, just to let him feel about let us feel heard acknowledge their feelings and just feel like that's the best way to go.

Show them that they can trust you, you know what I mean. Like FaceTime them, Introduce them to people wherever you are, Like make them feel really comfortable with who you are surrounding yourself with as well.

Get them to know people around you.

Yeah, guys, if you are in a long distance relationship, we know that it's really hard. It's a really taxing, stressful time. We're thinking of you. Keep going, keep making it work, and we're wishing you all of our luck.

We hope these help you and give you some advice.

If you do have any long distance relationship crazy stories, send them into our hotline. We'd love to cover it next week. It can be anything from a crazy gas lighting, cheating, cheating, double timing, long distance relationship, partner going overseas.

That mate that I was telling about before, he's he had a long distance relationship before. You must fucking love him or something. He's so he went to meet her in England and she had a boyfriend.

Yeah, we want to hear it. Do you have a story like that or similar to that, or anything in between it. Send them to our hotline and we'll cover it next week. Also, just a reminder for those of you who want to give us a review on Apple or Spotify, we are giving out some merch, so make sure you leave us a review and we will contact the winner in a couple of weeks.

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Okay, guys, until next time, say ya bye bye.