HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION ANXIETY

I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming.

She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of my kissing style.

We would boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's in a trash bin. He's non recyclable, catching the muck.

I love being love, I love love.

On today's episode of Where's your Head Out, we're exploring rejection anxiety.

No one likes to be rejected, but what if I told you that these emotions could stop you from seeing your friends, working, or even thinking clearly.

We have all the tips and all the tricks on how to manage rejection and anxiety whilst dating, so stay tuned. Where's your Head Out is a podcast that talks all things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.

This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, intimate details, advice, and much more.

How are you feeling?

Yeah?

Look a bit off today, so apologies in advance. If I am not my cherky funny, go lucky yourself. I don't know, just a bit off. I've woken up on the wrong side.

Of the bed.

Maybe have you have you had a coffee?

I've had two, so maybe you're feeling a bit anxious because you had like two early morning coffees.

Oh, I mean I've normally had three by now, so maybe my anxiety isn't peaking where it normally is. So I'm feeling a bit off. No, I don't know. It's just one of those days, you know, sometimes I don't know. Maybe my moon, my Luna's in retro and in the wrong galaxy, I don't know.

Whatever they say, Okay, well, look, I'm feeling a bit shitty because something happened in my relationship for the first time this week.

Is what was it?

I shook to the core. What happened is wild?

Yeah, geez, I tried to have sex with Michael and I got turned down.

Wait Michael, like turns you down for sex? He said, no, thank you.

Yes, I couldn't believe it.

Normally I'm the one who'd be like, I'm a little bit tired right now, like maybe later.

But no, I was the one who got full blown rejected.

So what was his excuse then? What was his turned down? How do he reject you?

Well we had already done it that morning, but he had actually gone it.

So how long after? Was like ten minutes?

It was that night, but he had just gone out to basketball and he came in all hot, sweaty looking like.

You know, he was looking good, so you were turned on.

Oh yeah, he rolled in and I was like, you know what, like, let's let's do it.

At three quarter basketball shorts get you going.

Stripey.

Yeah, I was like, he was looking hot, and I was like, you know, like.

Let's let's have sex.

And normally he's never turned me down. If I'm like about it, he's like all on board.

So this this brings me to think about this, like I have definitely turned down Jen in the past, and it is like the end of the world. It's like, well, what's wrong. Is there's something wrong? Blah blah blah, And I'm like, no, I'm just not in the mood right now. I mean, like, we've just watched a great movie. I'm fully relaxed. The last thing I want to do is you know, doing a workout and then having another shad.

There's a bit of a double standard.

I reckon, there is here there definitely there definitely is. But then again, like there is this this reputation or stigma around guys that like it's not that hard for us to get up and get ready to have sex, is it really?

Like well, I mean.

So it's like Jen's who you are.

But yeah, mainly not.

If Gen starts kissing my neck, there's a bit of blood pumping, I reckon, blood starts going around.

Look, I've definitely rejected Michael way more times, but I feel like I just took the rejection a little bit personally. So we want to talk all things rejection in today's episode.

Let's jump in.

What is anxiety dysphoria?

Anda, Okay, So rejection anxiety dysphoria is characterized by extreme emotional sensitivity when you get rejected, whether real or perceived. So sometimes you can get rejected and someone is literally rejecting you. But also there's a lot of the time where it's what's playing out in our own heads, Like subconsciously you can be triggered. I know that you've experienced this as well, Like when something triggers you, and then it's maybe something that's more going on internally.

Yeah, So I think that like, sometimes you can be rejected and you're not even feeling like you're rejected. It's your own mind playing tricks on you. So yeah, I feel like if I'm talking to someone, say like a at like a table or a dinner or something like that, that even the slightest thing like that I'm looking at them, or they like lose concentration for a bit or even yawn like for some reason, I feel like that's like

Yeah, Like what do I always say to you when we do the podcast, I'm like, let's just look at each other, so I can feel like this is like a free flowing chat. Like sometimes we get distracted or like look on our phones or like we're on our laptops, and like that disconnection kind of like makes the conversation lack.

I would say.

It's interesting because one of the possible explanations for feeling this type of rejection anxiety dysphoria is it can actually come from having a parent who was overly critical of you or neglectful, which impacts how these individuals view themselves.

Do you think you fall into that.

I mean, I think my mum was very like a perfectionist and would always want me to be the very best, and so I think that's definitely impacted me and my anxiety and how I like view myself and things like that.

What about you, Yeah, I think my dad was quite critical of me, but like you said, only want the best for you. It wasn't like in a nasty way or anything. They're just like really like perfectionists. They want the best from you and they think that that's well, that's probably how they were dealt with when they were parented, so that's probably the only way they know how to deal with it.

Yeah. Absolutely. Have you ever been rejected?

Oh yeah, god, yeah, I think that is just like if it's from like if we talk, what are we talking about, like dating or just general life stuff.

I mean, it can be whatever, Like what's your first memory of rejection?

Okay, so my first memory of being dating rejected was only being on the playground and I really liked this girl called Brittany, and I think that was grade one, and I like said that I liked her and she was like, ill, and that was pretty much it. She said, ill, Yeah, she just didn't like me. And I remember being rejected.

Yeah, what about you? I reckon.

My first real memory of like, well what it was kind of like what I perceived to be rejected was when I went to the Blue Light Disco. And I remember that so many of my classmates we're talking about how guys would ask them to dance at the Blue Light Disco and it was like this thing and like it was very exciting. And I remember my first Blue Light Disco, like no guy asked me to dance, and I was kind of like I took it personally, being like, what's wrong with me?

Why did this girl get asked to dance?

And I did, like it's so minor, but like, I think that was my first the first time where I kind of questioned myself and was like, is this a me problem?

Am I doing something wrong? Could I be doing better?

Well? I think the main thing to think about here is when you're rejected or stuff like this pop up, is it's not a you problem. Sometimes there's a lot more so it's not black and white. It's not it's not like there's something wrong with you or something wrong with them. I think that there's such a gray area in there where it could be a whole multiple range

Their flavor exactly, Like that's exactly what I was thinking. Like have you ever been on a first date with someone and you're like they're perfect, Like they're actually an amazing person, they're funny, they're ticking all the boxes, but the thing that you just need, like that spark is just not there. And like, no matter how amazing that person is, you can't fake a spark. So I mean, it really has nothing to do with you majority of the time.

Majority of the time, it could be like I said, yeah, they like like you know what I mean, the color purple and your color pink, you know what I mean, Like just you're not exactly what they're.

Looking for and exactly.

And with relationships, there's such an added layer. There's like, you know, time is such a big thing, so it could be that maybe.

The spuck is there, but the timing is off, and then it's.

Like there's just so many different things that have to align in two people's lives for a relationship to be able to work out or to get that second date or whatever it might be. So yeah, like I think taking things like that personally is so detrimental.

And I think it's also worth mentioning that they could also just be having like they could be having an off day like I am tat you know, you could just not be there, like ready to be opening up yourself to something. You could have literally had a phone call before you got out the car, or before you went into that situation with your boss and you criticized the fuck out of your or you know, like a friend has something like that and then it's like made

Oh my god, thank god. They rejected you. A different person right.

Now, even worse. But I don't know. There's a lot like I mean, I think it's pretty documented if anyone's watched our Love Island experience that I was probably the most one of the most rejected people in the history of that show. I've got how many times.

I think, like you did, he went through a few and you didn't really take it that well.

It depends what you're asking. I think they've got to handle that a lot worse than I did.

Oh, absolutely, Like people would have.

The thing about you, which is great is you don't get angry, You just get sad. Like you just like fucked my life, had a bit of a cry, got it out of your system, and just like got back up.

On the horse, I say, straight back up on that horse into the next one. Is there any that stand out for you? Are you in?

Yeah?

Like I think with my first boyfriend, who was like my first like what I would classify as my first boyfriend, when he cheated on me that like six times and seven days.

I think for me that was.

Like really traumatic because because I was so young, I didn't have like the wisdom and the knowledge to be able to like handle it, and so they definitely I reckon When it first happened, like I was very angry and was just like fuck you, fuck you. But then after kind of like the dust settled, I was like, is it me? Could I have done more? Was I like, you know, like really strange things like was I not good in bed or something?

Or could I have done this better?

Or you know all of those things which are totally it's not reality, right, Like, if someone's gonna cheat on you, they're gonna cheat on you.

There's nothing that you can do to change it.

And you're and let's put it into perspective, if you're a very beautiful woman, very took a lot of boxes and all that. Like recently, what's happened with this whole Adam Levine situation. Like everyone says that he was married and had kids with a Victoria Secret Model, and everyone knows like that Victoria's Secret Models.

They're apparently like the most.

Blah blah blah blah. Yeah, but he literally cheated on her multiple times with multiple women. It doesn't so much reflect on the person what I was trying to say before, and more on just the situation and all that sort of stuff. So there's no point blaming yourself.

Yeah, And I think like that's the really crucial thing to take out of rejection is Yeah, it's got nothing to.

Do with you and a lot to do with them, no.

Matter who you are, what you're doing, what your personality is.

I do love to look on the bright side as well, And I think that when you get rejected, when say you get rejected from dating, or like when I got dropped from the Ones or when I didn't get into ReBs or anything like that, it's just character building and it makes for you to be a stronger person because you deep down and you find something in your self that like makes you better and it makes you know how to deal with this sort of stuff, and you can take away the lessons from it.

I feel, Yeah, what emotions do you reckon that you feel the most when you are rejected? Like in relationships, I get anxious, Yeah, I get very anxious.

I think that's like I reckon that's my main emotion.

Yeah, anxious, Well, anxiety is assuming, Yeah, I reckon.

That takes over my body.

If you get like really bad anxiety, it's pretty crippling.

Yeah, also sadness, but I think that like anxiety, Yeah, Like I hate that feeling though as well. Like it's I say that all this stuff, but then it's like when you're in that moment and you're anxious and your mind's like spiraling, how fucking terrible is that?

It's awful?

That makes me feel so bad?

And the thing is is like, really, there's nothing that anyone can say that's gonna pull you out of that.

You have to kind of like go through it a little.

Bit, and then you need to be like, Okay, I'm putting a stop to this, Like let's do the breathing meditation, let's do all of.

The things to try and make me feel better.

But when you're in it, when you're in that hole, like it's really really tricky to pull yourself out of it.

Oh no, I say to Jen all the time, like I'm flu in this fortext aspiral and can you just grab me by like my shirt and pull me out like metaphorically. But it's not as easy. And I put a lot of pressure on her to do that, and I think that that's not fair to put it on someone where I should probably learn myself how to do it.

Yeah, you have to all take responsibility for how we act. And if you know that you're someone who spirals, then you need to like also find coping mechanisms.

And I know we both talked about this.

We both it's like a daily thing that we work on because we both spiral.

I think that my mum was so good at like realizing how to like pull me out of it, that I've now put that responsibility on my partners or Jen, my partner Jen, And I think it's a bit of a burden to put on her.

And yeah, yeah, I reckon when I get like rejected, Like if I was rejected in dating I remember the last guy who I mean, I would classify it as a rejection.

It had kind of ended.

We were kind of seeing each other for a while and like this event happened where we kind of fell out, Like it was like this big blow up. He sent me this massive long message kind of like ending things. I sent him a long one back, and then there was just nothing. There was just no response. Not that I was expecting one, because it wasn't like I didn't ask him questions or something, but like you know when you just like secretly want someone to message you again, that didn't happen.

So I took that really hard, like a rejection.

And I was trying to like think back to that because I remember I was really struggling without like I lost my appetite completely, Like even like the thought of food, like it just made me feel nauseous, and when I would eat food, it would make me feel really sick.

I couldn't sleep.

Yeah, that's the worst, those long sleepless nights.

Yeah, because when you're super anxious, the only thing worse than having anxiety all day is to have it all night.

Yeah.

So like I went through a stage.

The only way I could get to sleep with I would take like a melatonin tablet because I was just like and even that wouldn't really do a lot, but like just to.

Just to switch that brain just to switch it off even just.

A little bit, which obviously, like we don't cane taking sleeping tablets, but I think sleep is sometimes really important for yourself well you know what I mean, Like sleep is important to like trying to like keep moving forward in your life. And then the other thing that I kind of thought was that my productivity was just so low, unmotivated, totally unmotivated.

It's all you can think about.

Like this rejection kind of like takes over your mind and you're like, what have I done? What can I do better? Are they going to message me? Is it over for good?

What if? And it's just like a tornado of just negativity.

I remember I was seeing this girl and we went on one day and she was like, oh, blah blah blah, you like, I'm not going to sleep with you all this sort of stuff, And I was like, yeah, cool, I'm not really I don't mind, like I'm not sort of guys going to like you know. So I was like, yeah, cool, I don't sleep on the first day either, Like that's.

Not that's what a life.

Yeah, but you know, like I'm not gonna push you, you know me. So then we went on another one and I remember people when I dropped her off at home, we were like making out, and then she was like come upstairs with me, like to her apartment, and I remember being like, nah, not tonight. And I remember she took that rejection so bad, like she was like, well I was, I was testing you anyway. I don't want you to come up like fully like cracked it, like

So why did you reject her?

Because normally, like you're you're not like opposed to like a one night stand. What made you say no on the second time? Was it kind of like playing her at her own game?

I think, so, yeah, you know I hate games. But I was just like, you know, I thought that, like, you know, you said no to me the first time, like I may as well just give it back. I mean, she was definitely my flavor, definitely my type, but I just yeah, I just said no.

In high. Do you regret rejecting her?

I mean, well, no regrets.

Yeah, Well, I mean it's not a rejection. You were kind of just like prolonging it. But then I guess it didn't work out.

The last thing I saw over her was her slamming the door and walking to her apartment. Oh no, I mean I bumped into her out a couple of times. And she's now got a boyfriend, so there's not really much talk about that.

But yeah, right, so there's no like hard feeling, no bad.

But no, nothing at all.

No, how do you support someone who is getting rejected? So let's say your best friend gets rejected and you can see that they're spirally, how do we support them?

I think it's best to ask him how you can help him first. Don't assume anything, because that could probably make things worse. If you're just dive in and you're like, here, let's go out and you take them out, and then they get rejected again. Imagine that that'd be fair. That would be pretty frue. That's my idea. So I think ask him what the best thing to do is and then and then go from there, and I'm sure you can help him out.

I think it's also good to remind people that these feelings pass. I mean, hopefully this isn't their first rejection. Once you get over that initial rejection and then you actually realize that it is something that you do get over and it is just a feeling that does pass. It's a good reminder because sometimes you do feel like you're spiraling down a dark hole that you can't get out of.

So what would you say to someone that is scared of being rejected? Is there any tips you could give them to like maneuver that and how to go from there?

I mean my advice is, like, in life, we all get rejected. It's a part of everyday life. And I think get comfortable with rejection would be my advice.

Like, it's gonna happen, it's inevitable.

If you stop doing things so that you don't get rejected, you're actually just holding yourself back. So you're actually stunting your own personal growth. And I think the more rejection you get, the stronger you become.

I don't know why I put people put so much emphasis as well on dating rejection as well. I get that that's it hurts your ego and it affects you, but like, really, what's the difference betwe like, you know, going up to a girl shooting your shot or shooting your shot in the DMS, what's the difference between that and literally not someone not letting you in in traffic? Because that's a form of projection, you know what I mean, what's the difference.

That's you know what I'd prefer for someone not to reply to my DM when then someone like people can be evil on the roads, Like I had this guy road.

Raging me the other day and I was like, what are you getting out of this? Like I'm having a good day? Are they doing a bit of road raging that?

No?

Just yeah, I keep a little bit triggered sometimes.

It's actually one of my biggest pet peeves and one of my biggest X When I would date guys and I was in the car with them and they would like start like swearing and yelling and beeping at people. I was so turned off them, Like I literally stopped seeing a guy because he started road raging in the car.

Like I was like, ill, you're so gross control your.

Dating? Was it too?

Like three days?

I really like this guy, and honestly seeing him act like that, I was like, you're a fucking infant.

Well, when I remember when Jen and I first started seeing each other, probably around the same time, we now refer to that as me in the cat fishing stage of gen where I wasn't showing my full emotions like that some guy cut me off on Chapel Street and I was just like real calm and yeah, I'm feel calm and collected about it. And she was like, oh, like, I've known a lot of guys that would get like really angry at that. And I'm sitting there like no, no, not me, no, And now I would just let it real.

See, I think that's unattractive.

But it's not like I get out the window and yell at them. I just sort of be like you fucking dog, you know, like so you.

Say it under your brain?

Yeah, yeah, I get it, okay, like when someone's like fully yelling or like sticking their like finger up.

Oh no, I'm not like that, are you right?

No, I don't have anger management in that way. I mean, like I just get like you fucking dogs. You fucking you tell me off, I'm going to come and murder you in your chats.

Look when we'll look, Matt, when you get rejected, your body actually changes.

So we're gonna talk about these changes next.

Okay, Matt, have you ever been rejected by someone, like, say, like a girl You're in a situationship and they kind of like end it and you get like physical symptoms of that anxiety rejection.

Yeah, I think like mainly the one I'd say that gets the worst would probably be like that you have, like my body starts to ache and yeah, I feel like the best way to describe it is I feel like my like my knees start to hurt and I just crumble down into this thing. So if I send like a really risky message and then they reject me back or like I get really anxious, I do that, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I reckon that when I get really like anxious after that type of rejection or just anxiety in general, I get like really achy risks as well. Really yeah, And I think one of the reasons why we get that is because the brain has activated the flight or fight response.

Yeah, that makes sense, because then like my muscles will start to swell and will start to hurt, and like I feel really like, yeah, like my body's crumbling on me. Yeah, even like my heart will actually start to hurt. So like sometimes I say that like the ultimate rejection would be probably like a breakup and then like you just want to tear your heart out and like you know, throw it away and just start again.

Oh what it's making me feel so sad, Like just the thought of that feeling of like when you're at your absolute lowest point. Funny that you say that, actually, because there's been a lot of cases. Actually, there was a story recently that came out where this guy who'd been married for a very long time, I think like fifty years, he actually died of heartbreak when his wife passed away.

You see those tiktoks all the time where they are like these people together, she passed away. Yeah, they're sad.

It's really sad, but it's also really beautiful because it kind of like is that thing where like you just can't live without that other person, like they really are your other half.

So I love that makes me love it. I love love.

We all love love.

But it is really like devastating, like just to think of like someone being that heartbroken that their hearts literally.

Jen sends me those tiktoks a lot, and like I've seen a watchman even start to tear off from them.

Oh that's so sad.

Something else that we experience when we're feeling rejected is a fluctuation in hormones, So that real like spike, Like.

I guess what you were talking about before. When someone cuts.

You off, you're feeling rejected in the car and you kind of like go from zero.

To one hundred when like they slam the door on the way out. That's just all those hormones just flowing in and they just don't know how to do it, so they go to anger.

Yeah. Well, it's interesting because when we're in love, our body releases things like dopamine, cortisole, oxytocin, and these chemicals actually make us happy and keep us focused on the person we love.

But when we feel rejected, our brain produces.

Cortisole, and these chemicals actually cause stress, so they make you you feel way more stress, way more on edge. I know I feel super on edge if I'm experiencing any sort of rejection.

No, my brain must be producing that in fucking overdrive. That's stress chemical. Really, it's fully working today, I reckon.

Yeah, Like, you want to like essentially like live a stress free life so that you don't like get disease, And obviously that's easier said than to say.

Far right, I'd love to live that life, but I know, obviously there's just normal life stuff that get in the way. Though.

Yeah, there's obviously highers than lows, but I think it's more saying like, if you can minimize your anxiety and minimize your stress and try and talk yourself off the ledge and like try and like stop putting your body into a fight or flight kind of response, if you can, then you should really try really hard to do that.

So it goes to say, like when people get rejected, or when I've been rejected in the past, I think that you can relate to this as well, that you get like stuck on that rejection and you start up absolutely you start obsessing over it and all your thoughts or you're in a dialogue, become so obsessed with it.

Yeah, the thing about rejection is sometimes someone rejecting you makes you want them more, Like maybe you didn't even want them that much at the start, but the moment that they reject you, you're like, actually, now this is everything I've wanted and some so I think, you know, things like writing lists of like pros and cons and like really like looking at the situation without rose colored glasses on is super important.

I think a lot of people get sucked in by that. Once they get rejected, they go, oh, actually I want you now if no one rejects.

Me, yeah, no one rejects me. I want to have the final there. I want to be the master of my own destiny. I want to be in control, Like we all want this sense of control in our lives, and I think sometimes when you lose that, that feeling of being out of control is really overwhelming. Something I've experienced as well, like I mentioned before, is that loss of appetite and having a really sore stomach.

Like I know that sometimes before.

Even realizing that I'm anxious, I get a sare tummy and I'm.

Like, am I sick? Like have I eaten something?

Right?

Yeah?

And then I'm like, actually, take a minute to think about it, and I'm like, no, I think I'm just like super anxious.

Yeah, mine's probably just like my heartbeat starts raising and I just feel like all my thoughts like just get obsessive over that topic.

Yeah.

Yeah, it just consumes me, it does, and I can't focus on anything else.

Yeah, it's full of Well, look, we want to help you guys cope with rejection anxiety.

So we are going to talk all things coping's next, Okay.

So let's give some advice on how to deal with rejection anxiety. And I think do it. I think the best way to go into this is remember that you're always going to get rejected at some point, like we said before, if it's at a job, if it's in dating, if it's at the supermarket. You know, like it just happens all the time, and it's from the littlest thing a significant thing to the biggest thing. It just depends on the person and how they take it and how they feel.

Yeah, and like that's such a good point, Like let's remember that you are not alone, Like every single person on the planet gets rejected, whether it's like to a small level to a bigger scale, Like let's look at Chloe Kardashian. She's been rejected recently on the episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

I don't know if you're all over that yet, Tod not up to date my new seed.

I follow them all. I follow all e news and that, so I see it all.

But yeah, like Tristan has broken her trust so many times. She's been rejected, not just on a personal level between both of them, but their relationship has been publicized to the whole world and everyone has given their judgment on it.

And like she is a pillar of strength.

Like watching how she's handled it, like you can see it's really like breaking her.

But like she's kept going.

And you know, sometimes it's good to have people to look up to who you can like you can look at her and go, Wow, she's done it.

I can do it. Like if she can get through everything that.

She's got through on a public forum on a hugely large scale, I can pick myself up and get over Tom from down the road, who's not all that.

Yeah. I mean for her to keep like coming back from that is amazing. It shows how what her persilience resiliencelience, and how yeah, she just can really handle herself.

Well, yeah, I think to do that as well, you need to remind yourself of your self worth. Like building self confidence and self worth so important. And I know that when you do get rejected, you tend to kind of question yourself or put yourself down or ask what am I doing wrong? But something that we definitely advocate for is self love, like showing your self kindness, daily affirmations, daily affirmations, continuing to put yourself out there and not let rejection hold you back, and on.

That, validating your own feelings. So like hold a space where you can, you know, validate those feelings and really feel them, really tapping into them and understand why you're feeling that way and how to not get there again.

Hold space for yourself and like you know, I think it's sometimes easy to keep yourself busy and not like think about things and not talk about them. But find a friend who you can really open up to and

Yeah, And also I reckon as well. What I reckon is maybe you do the rejection. Maybe you reject that negative talk from yourself. So like if you start exacting, if you start talking to yourself negatively, like reject that you don't give it back to someone else.

Yeah, I reckon, Like when I was dating, and like I would just like once I got like rejected by one person, I would just move on to the next and like keep that flow happening. Like I would always be out. I would always make sure I was busy, always on dates. But if like something ever got me down, I would always kindly if I was thinking negatively in my head, I would always be like, Okay, Anna, we don't want to think about this. This is going to

There's also in every rejection. Like I said earlier, there's always a lesson to be learned. So like when you get rejected from a girl, and might there might be a way that you attacked it. You're a guy, you went up to him and you said, like, you know, it was just like a really shit pick up one or really not a nice way to go about it,

Absolutely, when I got cheated on, I had pretty low self esteem and I think I was kind of like willing to let him walk all over me, and he did walk all over me. And I think from that moment on, I never ever let someone treat me like that, and I made a stance on it. I was like I will never be treated like that again. If I see any ounce of behavior coming through it's done. Like zero tolerance to.

Bullshit was the other lesson not to date fuck boys.

Yes, but it's really hard sometimes.

Unfortunately they don't have like a tattoo being like, yep, this is one here.

Surely you can sniff a fuck boy out from a mile away, you know.

What, you'd think that, But there's just some clever fuck boys out there, Like there's ones that you just they come a bit left field. It's hard because like if someone's like attractive, like ticking all the boxes, like you know, they're an eligible bachelor, it means that not only you're going to find them attractive, but other people are going to as well. And if they're getting that larger amount of attention, then, like you know, those fuck boy tendencies

That doesn't that doesn't that doesn't mean that you should try to change them. I think they need to want to change for you.

Does a lefer change its spots?

I'm still trying to work it out, to be honest.

I think that people grow, and I think that men can be really immature and do some pretty shitty things as they grow up.

But I think the main thing is to keep.

Evolving and keep learning and keep doing better and wanting to do better. I think the wanting to do better is the main thing, because you know, we can all be shitty and act like we did when we were eighteen.

Like I've treated guys like not.

The best sometimes if I didn't like them, like yeah, and that's things that I regret would not do again.

But that's because I've wanted to change actly.

But no one's perfect and we know that, Like we're not saying we are not perfect. It's just about like wanting to do better.

I reckon you said before to speak to your friends and family people around that support you. I'mbiased, I rekinon. The best one is go get professional help if it's actually consuming you and like it's taking over all your thoughts. I think speaking to a professional if it's like a cotline that you can call or booking in something just we always recommend.

That absolutely, speaking to someone who is training to help you and who can listen and hear for like warning signs and you know they have like really good advice and things that you can implement that will really change your life.

Yes.

The last thing that I think, which is like something that I tend to do, is to catastrophize situations. So like I you know, let's just say someone rejected me, I'd be like, my life is over, everything is done, have no point in living.

Bac dramatic over the like not well to me, the most unlikely.

To you, it's insignificant. But to me, my life is ending, you know what I mean? Like, you know, like look at me. You've seen me go through a breakup. I was okay actually with help bad.

I wasn't too bad with a couple of there was a couple but like we're going to have them.

But yeah, like I have a tendency to catastrophize things.

And you know, when it's your own life and you feel out of control, like it's something that sometimes happens. So you know, I think sometimes having like counter arguments against those.

Really cool beliefs that like your life is.

Ending is good to try to remind yourself that life will go on, things will get better.

You've done this before and you.

Can do it again. I agree, I think that is a good way to do it. So I think it's that time of the show Anna where we ask you to ask us where our heads are at.

Let's do it, okay. First question it comes from Brontie. She says, I'm hating the dating scene at the moment because I always get ghosted or rejected by guys. It's honestly taking a toll on my mental health and confidence. How can I get more resilient?

Don't stop, go put yourself out there. I feel that, like you, once you keep getting rejected, you're going to get you get your skin will get thicker and you'll get used to it. And I mean not every guy is your one. You might think they are, but the one that you won't will won't reject you, and it will be there and that will be your one. I feel yeah.

And I think as well.

Something like that really changed my mindset is when I would go on dates. Instead of having the mindset of like I really want them to like me, I would change my mindset to be like do I like them?

Because sometimes we're.

So focused on being accepted by people who we date that you know that rejection can feel a lot worse.

If you're like I think I've said this before, like turn it into like fund so putting so much pressure on like dating. Make it like fun again, you know, like go out there and just have fun with it. Like, yeah, they might reject you, then be like thank you. Next as Ariander Grande, you know, I just just go on to the next one. See what the next guy can do.

He absolutely, I'm like, do fun dates, go bowling, have a laugh, enjoy life, Like at least you can potentially make like a new friend out of it, Not that you probably want to be friends with this person, but like you know what I mean, like make it such a fun date that even if it doesn't work out, you don't feel bad about it.

Like I think I've felt the worst about dates where.

I've gone on them, and I've been like super nervous and a bit shaky, and like I can totally get into my own head with dating in that regard.

Like I remember I went on this date with this guy and.

It was just like the thing after thing after thing kept going wrong, Like I think the place that we were going to for dinner, the road had closed off so we couldn't actually get there, And then he was having a full meltdown and I was trying to be like strong for him, being like no, no, no, it's totally fine, like we'll just go here, blah blah blah. Anyway, we were both like an hour late to the date

And it ended up being a really good date.

But if I stayed in that negative, like stressed out mind frame, it probably would have been a shitty date.

I think that's something else people could do as well, is and I think this is what I would love someone to arse and tell me how this goes for them is get themselves like a journal and before they go on a date. I don't write the guy on top or the girl and then write like what they're thinking before they go on the date, where they're going, and then after the date what they think went wrong, like you know what I mean, like recap every single one, and then you can look back and say, what have

It's a lot of homework for people like.

These people get like I mean, it's it's something that they could do and they could like literally like you know, and then they could look back on and see where their date went wrong or what I exactly they could take into the next one, you know, and really, like we said before, whole space for their feelings. They could write down how they felt before they went on the date, how they felt when they came back. So because you know,

I totally get what you mean.

And if like you don't want a journal, I think the thing the key point that Matt's making is take a lesson out from every single situation, Like what's the lesson here? Yeah, Okay, So this next one comes in from Chrissy. She says, I've been on five dates with this guy and all of a sudden he has ghosted me.

I'm feeling super rejected.

I can't eat, i can't sleep, and I'm feeling really overwhelmed and my friends don't understand.

Help Chrissy, do you know where he lives? Bernie's house? Obviously fuck with Yeah?

There, Like, who does that to someone?

Like? You can't go someone after five dates together or they would have been for sure, like you think regardless, Like after five dates with someone, you have to have a level of respect to be like, look, this is not working out for me.

I'm really sorry.

It's pretty harsh rejection, Isn't it super hard? It pretty hard for Chrissy.

Remember that it's not you, it's him.

He's the fuck with here, not you. Yeah, he doesn't deserve you to be honest.

Yeah, remember your self worth.

I know that your confidence has probably taken a huge hit, but you know it says more about him than it does you.

And remember there's way more guys out there, and I reckon now, you're going to find the one that makes you feel better about yourself and won't reject you after five dates.

Yeah, get yourself back out there, girlfriend.

Okay, and I hope that our rejection anxiety episode has helped a lot of people. And look they take away from it is don't let the rejection eat you up. I guess yeah, for sure, everyone gets rejected. We've been rejected, believe it or not.

We're what do you mean?

Well, I put myself out there and I've any rejected plenty of times.

Yeah, rejection, stut, it never gets easier. It doesn't.

But I think just like, keep pushing through, practice that self love, make sure that your self worth and self confidence is strong and you can get through anything. Okay, guys, that's all we have time for. Thank you again for listening to our episode. We love having you as part of the Whares Your Head at FAM. Go down to the show notes to check out our instagrams, our Facebook group where we talk all things new episodes, future topics, and more, and make sure you also give us a