HOW OFTEN SHOULD WE BE TALKING TO OUR FRIENDS?

What happens if one day everyone just goes radio silent on you.

I'd have anxiety, a nervous breakdown, anxiety attack and be like, what have I done? Yeah? Love it in my own head, like wait, have I done something? What's this? The rejection sensitive just more for that ad I'd be like, what's going on? What have I done? Lose my mind?

Where's your head at? Is a podcast that talks full things. Right, Hold on a sec, let's give this a refresh. Hi, I'm Anna.

And I'm Matt, and we are now too newlywed, not to each other. Just a female and male best friend here for the good, the bad, and the ugly times.

And exploring adulthood, family relationships, dilemmas.

And whatever else we have the mental capacity to deal with.

Come get the lowdown.

This is your male and female perspective.

So Matt, where's your head at? Good morning, Matt.

Good morning? Anna wears your head at?

Well, I'm holding a coffee in hand, which is a big deal because I have not drunk coffee for the whole of this pregnancy, which is crazy when you think about it, Like the amount if you're a longtime listener, wears your head at you know how much Matt and I used to smash coffee is one for one? Will you still do this?

Is?

I think I'm probably going to have about a quarter of this, but I've reacquired the coffee taste.

When I called you to ask for your order, you were telling me and I was literally sitting there at the counter and the girls looking at me, and You're like, can I get it? I'm only going to drink a quarter of it, so you can get me a quarter three quarter field sweete with a medium hot milk, but no phone order, And I just was like, okay, I'll just get your.

Coffee just by guys, don't believe anything that's coming out of his mouth. I did not. I did say that they could put three quarters in it because I'm not going to drink anything.

I think she heard that and she did do that, didn't she?

I think, so yeah, But thank you for my coffee this morning. Anyway, So how are you? I literally walked into the studio, guys, and that was reading his book and I was like, wow, who is he?

No, Well, it's in the juicy end of my Goosebumps the Haunted House, So I'm at the back end of it, So I'm really trying to get it done because I want to see what happens.

You're about to finish. Yes, I am, that's an accomplishment.

It is. Yeah, it's now my third or fourth Goosebumps one. I'm loving him.

You're going to have the whole series. There is one.

I don't know if there is now there is one, and there's other series. There's heaps of them. Actually did a bit of like googling, so I realized, oh, this isn't part of the normal series. I'm not going to go too much into that. There's all different spin offs of them. But I wanted to touch on that though, because when we spoke about it, and I think a couple of weeks ago, yeah, I was like, really appreciated

Me, yeah, and I think, like, you know, the fact that you're even reading is great. Like, people don't pick up books for a long time. I'm trying to read a parenting book and I've got a quarter of the way through, and I actually need this information and it's hard to you know, we all live such busy lives, it's hard to pick up a book.

Well, one person said, like, don't listen to people when they hate you for it. They're like, if you enjoy it, do it like and obviously you're enjoying it, So keep reading.

Be loud and proud about it. Read it wherever you want.

I was reading it here in the studio while Blake was setting up the cameras. He started trying to start a chat with me, and I was just like, yeah, trying to smash some pages I'm reading.

No, it's it's cool that people who are supporting you and behind you about it. And like I said a couple of weeks ago, it really pissed me off that people were giving a shit about it.

Let the man read, Well, they're not now, they're actually supporting me and they're telling me to keep reading. But on that messages, I was getting a bunch of messages about going to the movies by myself.

Oh yeah, so you've liked to do that for a while though, I know.

And that's what people were actually saying. They're like, how nice is going to the movies, getting popcorn and sitting there by yourself and relaxing. And I was like, I love going to the movies. Yeah, I go with my partner, I go with my step kids, like I go all the time, go with my sisters. I love to go to the movies.

You do love a movie.

If no one we know and if no one is interested in going to that movie with me, I'm not gonna skip it. I'm going to go by myself. I mean I do TikTok years ago about going to the movies by myself because no one wanted to go with me. And I love doing it.

And you know what I've got to give you it like you have a lot of confidence. I personally can't relate, Like you would never catch me into movies by myself.

A lot of people message saying that they do it as well, and they loved going and it's a find a way of peace, and they just switch off. I turned my phone off and I just sat there and watched it. Actually, sorry, I took the photos of the the title and then turn my hand and then turned I always do that. I have my phone ready and then take the title and then I turned it off.

You know what, one thing I do love to do by myself, which I'm comfortable with is going for a coffee by myself, or getting like a croissant at a breakfast place, or getting getting breakfast by myself. I'm totally comfortable with that. Like, I love that. I think it's really good. In fact, you've been in my area recently quite a lot working.

Oh yeah, yeah, I don't really talk about my work too. So I've been working for my dad. So he obviously has a company down in Melbourne which I used to company Pool company that I used to work for, and I was doing a bit of work while I was up on the Gold Coast for UHIM here and there. But he's had some people leave, some people retire, so I've come down now to just be on the ground. It's easy. We found it was easier that way to like, you know, go see the clients, go see the boys

They aren't they expanding to the GC.

Well, yeah, there is talk of that, definitely looking into that. I'm just you know, seeing sussing stuff out, getting contractors, seeing building licenses and all that sort of stuff. So we're looking into that all.

The fun stuff.

No, it's not, it's really there's a big going on.

Love.

I do love it, but like it's you know, it's stressful.

Yeah, it's all jobs. Something he said to me the other day. You have been saying that we haven't really seen each other a lot outside of the podcast recently, and you've mentioned that for a while, you've been trying to get me to go to the movies and watch horror movies with you, which I refuse to do because I care about my mental health.

I've I've been easying up on it as you're pregnant and you're like, I don't want to get you scared and stressed out. But as soon as old Stan comes out, he will take you to the movies and you can watch one.

I think we need to pivot away from movies and finds like a duel hobby that we like. That's not scary movies, because I feel like scary movies is your thing. We need something like that we can do together, all right.

And well, I think there's a couple of things if you're get into. But I've got one in mind which I really love and I reckon you'll enjoy as well.

Okay, I feel like I know what this is gonna be.

Go ahead? What is it? Is it?

The NRL?

Yes? Do you hear me talking about it? It's the other day, didn't you.

Yeah, I mean that you always talk about the NRL. But also I have a funny story about the NRL because I got invited to the NRL. I think it was last year with Michael, and because I'm so clueless on all things sport, I read NRL and I thought it was a basketball So I was like, Michael, I've

This was a lot easier than I thought to get a hobby going together the NRL. I got more into it living on the Gold Coast Queensland. Love it up there. It's on the TV all the time. Yeah, yeah, it's pretty fun.

So who's your team?

I would say I grew up going for the North Queensland Cowboys, but living on the Gold Coast, I have to go for the Gold Coast Titans.

Yeah. I feel like I'm more Storm, but I'm not one hundred percent like I like the Mass like the Purple. I mean obviously I saw them play they won, so that was like a good star. So I don't personally have a team. I'm veering towards the Storm because obviously I saw them play. We like the color purple, liked the mascot. But you know, I'm open. I'm open to exploring new teams as well.

Sounds like you're on Love Island saying you're open to other connections. But okay, you can't judge your team off the color. I know that's ridiculous, right you said the mascot. Yeah, I think that's a fair enough call. You can. So let's have a look at some other mascots and see if you prefer them over the Melbourne storm one. Okay, so this is the Melbourne storm one.

Okay, See, that's like I'm veering towards him. I think he's pretty cool Stormman, the Stormman. He kind of looks like Superman. He's in a purple likera suit.

He does look like a superhero, doesn't he?

He does look like a superhero. Okay, what about he also gave me a high five for the game, I will say, so he's really for a little bit.

Where about the South Sydney rabbit os.

Yeah, look, I'm not loving his fit. The color scheme is more Christmas vires with the red and cream.

It's a crush on Eastern Christmas, isn't it?

It is? It is, which it would be good for you because you love holidays and celebrating Eastern Christmas. But I'm going to say pass.

What about Reefy the Cronulla sharks.

It's cool.

If we're going off mascots, I'm going to go off the shark.

Muscly guy. That top's looking a little tired on him. The pants as well.

Sharks are you know the apex predator out there in the ocean.

He needs to kind of like roof off his Okay, that's a maybe.

Maybe, Reefy. We've got claws from the Penrith panthers.

Okay, he looks pretty cool. He's got some cool shades going on. Muscly, he's got a typed up he looks pretty harsh.

Yeah. The Penrith panthers are are majestic animal, aren't they?

Panthers are up there.

Okay, so we've nearly got the panthers. Okay, I'll give you one more Anna, Okay, go the Sydney Roosters. Okay.

I like the colorway, I love Navy, but I mean I did like the other guy, the panther.

Okay, So have you steered away from Melbourne Storm?

No, definitely not. I think like my top three would have to be Melbourne Storm, the Panthers which is who Sydney, the Penrith Panthers, and the Roosters. What one was that?

The Sydney Roosters.

The Sydney Roosters. Okay, so they're my top three, but don't hold me to it. I need to message to the group chat get final approofals and who are you again?

I'm the Gold Coast Titans.

Gold Coast Titans, okay and bye.

Well you might be picking between those three, but for your son, Steve O, I'm gonna make him go for the Gold Coast Titans. He's in new member of the Gold Coach Titans cheer squad.

Oh my god, guys, stay tuned for this activity. Matt and I are getting into the NRL. We'll go to a game, let's do it. I'm excited.

Well, I've got a bone to pick with you. Okay, bone? You know your Mother's Day? No, you're not your Mother's Day. Your mother's baby shower, my mother, blessing, mother, blessing. See you don't even know what it is. No wonder I didn't give mother's blessing. It's an old girl event, though, isn't it.

No, I didn't get invited, you're saying.

I know, I'm Actually it looked cute from what I saw. It looked sweet. Yeah.

So I felt like I was getting a lot of pressure to do a baby shower. Obviously it's my first baby, and I feel like, you know, there's just there's a lot of stuff that babies need. I think is what I've realized in the past, like five ish weeks when I've started getting things ready, like even like, do you know what a muslin rap is exactly?

Can I take a guess? Yeah? Sure, it's when you wrap them up in there in the blanket while they're asleep so they can't roll anywhere.

Yeah, I think so.

Do you think so? Yeah?

I think so. Do you want silverettza they are?

They are a type of diver? Yeah? Is that a full stuff? After? Wrong? Was right there?

Silverretta like these little silver things that you put on your nipples when you're breastfeeding to like relax, like not relax the nipples, to soothe the nipples from like nipple trauma from breastfeeding.

Yeah, it's pretty intense.

Apparently, white. Well, I don't know about that, hopefully not. Maybe probably I think they have a sucking reflex to drink the milk.

Yeah, go on.

Matt's like favorite for where's your bump?

I say, which is live? Guys at the moment.

Yes, where's your quickly where's your bumpat is live? It's going really well. I've had the most beautiful messages of people saying, thank you so much for putting this together because you know, it really just encompasses the experience of either wanting kids or being pregnant or you know, trying or whatever it is. So thank you for listening. Make sure you listen. We have two episodes out right now, three no, three three yeah, so give it a listen.

I'm gone thirty we got married.

Thirty one?

You did yet? Yeah?

Anyway, anyway, I've put on a lot of parties. I couldn't be bothered with it. I've heard of this thing called a mother blessing, and it's basically less about you know, the gifts for the baby, and it's.

More about the mother.

Yeah, it's about the mom. Like it's looking after the mom, say you dug no. I think like I'm the first person in my friendship group to have a baby, so I really wanted to set the precedence of, like, you know, be there for each other, like support each other, Please

Wow. Real it was quite.

Spiritual and just I felt very loved and kind of looked after and supported and it was really nice. Like I would recommend doing a mother's blessing to anyone who's pregnant and who I don't.

Know how I would have gone there. I would have sort of been like, mind you, I wasn't even in the state, so I wasn't even in the state. But if I was there, I don't know. It seems real spiritual, real.

Well, we got like everyone got quite emotional at one point. It sounds because like you start the mother blessing by saying I'm the granddaughter of and then you say your grandparents' names, and you say I am the daughter of my mum Emory, and then I would say and I'm the mother of and then I said the baby's name, like to be mother, don't continue trying to get the name. But yeah, no, it was lovely, highly recommend it, very I feel very supportive,

Yes, well, how often do you think you should be chatting to your friends?

Well, I mean you you're a caller, so you call all the time, So I think this is not including.

Yeah, I think that's not I know a lot of my mates have like said they screened my calls because I'm a caller.

Really because I don't want to chat on the phone.

Yeah, they're not cause.

Some people don't like some people find it uncomfortable or like it is time consuming to chat on the phone.

It is, but a lot of the best time to call, I feel in a lot of when my mates actually call me back is when they're driving. Yeah, true, I think. And then I think that My mum actually pointed out to me, she said, you only call me when you're driving, but you don't realize what I'm doing on the other end, like I'm not driving, do you know what I mean? And I'm like, yeah, true, never thought of it like that? Selfish a little bit like that, how often do you reckon your message your friends?

Then I would say, like the group chat would be like three times a week. Yeah, what do you think about the group chat?

Oh, that's sporadic and could be here there, you could be here, that could be on fire one time. It could be like you know, it could be on fire back NonStop messages, or it could be as dry as a sahara. No one's chatting. It just really depends if there's something we're trying to tee up.

Yeah, then there's a bit more.

Yeah, but I have I honestly, with the boys, I'll have I have so many different separate group chats.

We were like one person get's left.

Hand, yeah, or there's different like things. If one event was organized and then that group chat keeps going for a while and that fizzled out, do you know what I mean? And then like something might spark another group chat because you know, like say my bucks one that flares up randomly when something happens that's relevant to that nice yeah, and then it gets a little bit of my managument it just fizzle out again.

It's funny. I was watching an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians and they have like lots of different group chats. But they'll have like a not Kim group chat, not Courtney group chat. Really, I guess if they want a bitch about each other, they'll go to like the you know not Kendle group chat and be like, can you leave Kendle did this?

That's a bit of effets. We have. Yeah, we have like even family ones like mother, kids, dad and kids and mum and like we have different ones. I'm actually in one with my mates. Am part of a football team, and it's called Carpool plus Matt, so I hear all.

I just think, like, you sound like you have way too many group chats for me, Like that kind of stresses me out. I have my friend group chat. I have my friends plus the boys group chats like the boyfriends and husbands or whatever, and then I have the family group chat, and there's like a couple of variations, but that's pretty much about it.

We have a couple of where's your head at ones?

We have where's your head out? Where's your bump hat as well, but they're more like working group chat. Actually, I have a few group chats now I'm thinking about it.

You have heaps I They go off here and there.

It just depends, really, I mean, look, there's lots of different ways to communicate with your friends. Obviously, I feel like FaceTime would be the closest thing to being in person. Yeah. So there's FaceTime. Then there's calling, which you love to do. There's texting, there's voice noting.

Are you a voice noter?

Sometimes?

I am? Sometimes if there's too.

Much info that I can't my little thumbs can't be followed.

I how long is a voice note should be? I saw this debate on TikTok. How long should a voice note be to your friend?

A minute?

I think longer than a minute? Yeah, stop, I'm not listening to that, you know what I mean? I think, what bang on a minute? Once it hits like a minute oh two, I feel like that's when I'm rapping my voice.

Get to the point.

Get to the point.

If you've not got there yet you're know they're.

Going to get there because I remember a new girl who would send my friend like literally like three minute once and she'd sit there listening to it, and I'm like, that's drain.

Like, yeah, you need to get to the point.

You get to the point by a minute. I think that's the average length of a voice not to a friend for.

Sure, and like you're not looking like if someone sending a four minute voice note.

It's a bit like do you read the text on a voice not how it scribs out the text underneath.

Sometimes if I'm like, yeah, I'll read it in a place where I can't listen out loud, but I'd prefer to listen.

Okay, I prefer to read it or listen to it. And it's so funny because it's how scrabbled up it is, scrambled like scrambled in different words it.

Okay. Then there's sending videos as in like not sending videos of yourself, like sending reels and reels and tiktoks, yes, which you love to do. I love to do that too, actually to connect with friends. Like even if I'm not saying hi to you, I might send you a little reel where I've been reminded of you and even like a little connection.

Even before I literally was saw a real or TikTok, just before I was a reel on Instagram and I literally sent it to like three different group charts, six different mates, and you just send it off to all of them. Yeah, I'm massive at reels and tiktoks ending. I'm a huge of that. It's probably I get stuck in those TikTok holes and I send so many. Yeah, it's probably the only communication I have with one of my best mates, benji Obi, Me and him just literally send reels and TikTok.

You just never speak.

Well, finally enough, we're getting lunch after this downstairs.

But it's the one off.

Normally it's just TikTok sending and we've got like different things that keep going different inside jokes and the tiktoks and that.

So what you'll just see each other and be like, so let's talk about all of the tiktoks.

At each other, just sending each other things.

No chat, I don't have a profit.

We'll chat normally.

How often do we need to talk to our friends though? Because like I know that we say you know, two or three times a week roughly, kind of checking with people see how they're going. As someone who's about to go into having a baby postpartum, I'm hoping that my friends check up on me and say how you're going? But then am I going to be too busy and exhausted to reply? I don't know. There's so many questions for me personally.

I think seeing your friends should be really up to each other. I think if it goes some friends though you could not see for like a month, true, and it's just like where you picked up. Like I went to a thirtieth the other day for my mate. I hadn't seen him in probably a year. I briefly caught up with him at my wedding. You know how that is catching up. That's like just brief at weddings. It's not like a full thing. But I was like, I'd never not seen him. Yeah, talk spoken normally.

Well. It is interesting that you say that. I have a lot of friends who live overseas, one in la one in London, and when they come back to Australia, it's literally like nothing has changed. We just fall straight back into being friends. But do I talk to them as much as I would like to when they're over there, Probably not, I think, with the time differences and things

Three months literally the same. But like I said, it's case by case. I don't think you can put an actual amount of times on each I think you need to, you know, maybe even talk to your friend and say, hey, check in, are you okay? Do you want to talk more? I'm here for you. Let's chat. Let's go get a drink, let's get a coffee, Let's go for a drive, Let's go to the beach, Let's go get some ice cream. Let's just hang out. If you want to hang out,

God, even the I just was talking, Oh my god, that like really whigged me out. I felt like I was going to labor or something. Oh my gosh, Okay, I'm still recovering from that. But interestingly enough, many close friendships actually thrive on more regular communication. For instance, there was a study that found that fifty nine percent of teenagers are in touch with their closest friends daily, which to me is not surprising.

Yeah, when you're at school with them.

So, yeah, they're seeing each other at school, they're communicating, they have social media, smartphones. It's a little bit, you know, it's easy.

It's easier to communicate. Yeah, you have to call the home phone.

Yeah, you have to tell phone, dial up, the internet.

Hey, we spend there.

Yea to the parents alone. As opposed to for adult friendships, especially those involving busy professionals or long distance friendships, weekly or monthly interactions are actually sufficient, so you don't need as much talking and interacting and reassurance. But again, it's nice to always check in with your friends, making sure that they're all good, even if it's just like a little how you're going, what's happening in your world?

What's your preferred I'm not gonna say method, what's your preferred way of catching up with a friend.

Okay, I would say like booking in like a dinner and like, obviously I can't drink at the moment, but maybe having a couple of cocktails, having dinner kind of unwinding on like what's happening in both of our lives, or even if it's just like getting breakfast or a coffee,

A walk afterwards. That's me and my mates when I come down here, we go out for breakfast and go for a walk around South Melbourne.

Okay, I have a question. Are your expectations the same for your family and loved ones as it is with your friends.

I don't really have any expectations for people to contact me or talk to me same? Actually yeah, I mean if I call you answer.

What happens if one day everyone just goes radio silent on.

You, I'd have anxiety, a nervous break down, anxiety attacking and be like, what what have I done? Yeah, love it in my own head like wait, have I done something? What's this? The rejection sensitive just more for the ADHD. I'd be like, what's going on? What have I done? Lose my mind?

Well, look, guys, this is your sign to check up on your friends. Say hi, check in and make sure they're all good, Send them some love, even send them a TikTok or a reel and until next time, Bye bye