F**K! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG DATING?

I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming.

She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of my kissing style.

We boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's in a trash bin. He's non recyclable, catching them.

Mut I love being love. I love love.

On today's episode of Where's Your Head At, we are sitting down with relationship coach Jake Maddeck.

Jake offers his client's education on how to achieve a ten out of ten relationship. He talks us through his five fundamentals required for a successful relationship, including masculine and feminine energy, and how to build attraction.

Jake is huge on TikTok, and with his videos reaching a wide audience, his views are sometimes seen as polarizing. So we're really keen to sit down with Jake and see what he has to say.

All right, let's get into it.

Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in.

This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, intimate details, advice, and much more.

Hey Jake, Hey guys, thanks for having me.

Thanks for coming into Where's Your head out, just like to say that your relationship coach, so you've obviously can give the advice. We like to give the advice, but we have not really any qualifications. We've just got life experience, so that's how we give out our advice.

But it's good to have you on.

Yeah.

I was just saying to Jake before, He's come up so much in my TikTok algorithm, Like, I'm my whole algorithm is all relationships.

I'm like, give me all of the knowledge, and you are the.

Man that comes up. So it's it's nice to meet you in person.

I love it.

Yeah, I mean I said the exact same, and I've used a couple of your videos to send on to partners and that to say this is the correct way of whatever.

Like yes, so thanks for that, mate, I love it.

I feel like you're a very polarizing figure. You're very straight to the point. Do you get that type of feedback from people?

Yeah, yeah, so definitely. Some people find some of the things I say quite polarizing, such as when to move in with your partner, little things like this. Yeah, but that's okay, that's okay to be a little bit polarizing for sure, relationships could be.

A bit for Yeah, when is the right time to move in with your partner? Yeah, just asking for a friend six months. We moved in in four too soon.

That's good. That's good. No, No, that's totally fine. So the timeline I lay out, it should be hard to stick to it. So if you guys have to move in before six months because you like each other so much, that's very good. If you can easily wait six months, that's a red flag. That showed me that you don't like each other as much as you should.

Interesting.

That's interesting. I like it all right.

So we spoke about your qualifications at the start. Do you want to tell us a bit about that. Did you study? Where did you study? What's your level of that?

No? I don't have any qualifications.

Okay, So what made you decide to be I'm.

Well, mainly passion. To answer your question, I'm one of the most successful relationships in the relationship coaches in the world, and I say all the time, guys, look, tertiary education would make me worse at my job, not better. I coach a lot of psychs, counselors, therapists. Very controversial, but tertiary education would make me far worse at what I do, not better.

Interesting, Yeah, so you reckon that on the field, in the minds, in the front line is the best way to get your qualifications and your experience, well.

Said, brother, Like you can read a thousand books on cricket, you're not going to be good at cricket. You're to get out there and play the game.

So were you single or you in a relationship?

Then I'm married?

You're married?

Right?

And how long have you been married for?

We got married at the start of the year, but we've been together quite a few years, but we got married this year.

Congratulations, it was fantastic.

Where did you get married in Harvey Bay up here? Yeah? Best out of my life? Fantastic.

Oh my god, that's gorgeous. That's so nice.

How does she go dating and being married to someone that's so just knows what he's talking about.

Then giving out all the advice.

Well, I'd probably say that she thoroughly enjoys being in a ten out of ten relationship.

So yeah, well, I.

Mean it leads to the question, what makes you a ten out of ten partner?

Good communication, understanding, masculine feminine energy, knowing how to date your partner properly, just all the nitty gritty stuff, the building, attraction, the simple things which make a big difference long term.

So what do you think of modern dating then, Because obviously dating has evolved into this like massive game. It's very challenging a lot of people listen to us because they struggle hardcore with dating. I mean we started this podcast because we were struggling with dating. We were like, we fucking hate this.

Or we were getting fucked around a fair bit. Who do that to usk?

But yeah, yeah, So a lot of people have a lot of trouble dating guys. It's for a few reasons. A lot of people don't know how to manage the expectations properly. Okay, so they end up going on lots of low value dates. Okay, So look, anybody listening to this, it's the man's job to take the woman on the date. Secondly, only do high value dates. So girls, any girls, listen

Would you say that it's okay if you feel like there's a traction between two people to maybe go on a lower value date, like you say, getting drinks as a first date before the dinner date.

That's what we did.

No, No, I strongly, strongly do not recommend doing that.

Really, I probably of a low value date, you go for a drink or coffee. If both parts, I think that is meaning that they're not keen on a relationship, they're just.

Yeah, Michael and I went for drinks on our first date.

And I feel like you can still definitely achieve a ten out of ten if you do a low value date, but statistically it's much much better if you do a high value date straight up, Okay, it shows them what you're worth and shows them they got to put an effort to be with you, and it works a lot better. You can still create a ten out of ten doing a low value date. It's just harder.

I sort of agree from a male perspective if her girls saying yeah to like a drink or like going somewhere like that, that like you know that it's pretty obvious what the end game is.

No, that's bullshit, No way, I think. Look, I love what you're saying, and I think I definitely agree.

Guys have to know that they need to put in effort. But I feel like, as a woman, you can set that up, like you're going to have to put in effort, but we can still go for a drink so that I can see.

If I'm keen too, Yeah, you know what I mean.

Like, I understand the premise of what he's saying, but I feel like you can go for a drink.

So what Anna's saying is she'll go for a drink, but she lays the rules pretty I'm firm. She sets her boundaries and says that she needs five dates before they even get close any Yeah, under the close action.

Do you have a question, brother?

He's like, no comment, No, I know.

The question you're thinking about. Do you want to ask me?

Oh?

Yeah, do you think that five dates is too long?

Straight up terrible? Yeah, why for a whole bunch of reasons. Firstly is showing guys that you think your worth is tied to your physical body, which is a poor mistake. Okay, I've coached thousands of people in a ten out of ten relationships. One hundred percent of the people I've coached in ten out of ten relationships have been intimate in the first two dates. Over ninety percent have done it on the first date because the chemistry is so high

It's not about my worth being tied to my physical body.

It's about me feeling comfortable enough to have sex with someone because I don't know them very well.

So I'm like, I'm not going to have sex.

With you and to at least five dates so that I feel like I can really understand who you are as a person, Like maybe I don't want to have sex with you, and like, I also don't want to have sex with every guy go on a date with I, Like I'm sure when I'm single, I like to like go on dates.

I like to see what's out there.

And I'm definitely don't sleep with someone. If you don't feel like it, definitely not. But if you do feel like it, I recommend doing it.

Well, Okay, what is the biggest mistake that you can make when you first start dating someone?

Then, probably over sharing about your past.

Okay I agree that, Yeah, say no more.

I'm pretty guilty of that, like bringing up X relationship. So just bringing up, like, you know, issues like from your past, and then it definitely haunts you a lot down the track.

I feel, Yeah, it's it's a really bad move. So over sharing is any sort of information which lowers that person's attraction towards you. So talking about ex's previous sexual experiences, how many people you slept with, all these stupid things. Don't share, its gonna it's gonna make the traction of your partner go down, and they're going to like you less. And they can also hold on that information. It's going

I I one hundred agree with that.

Yeah, if I had my time again, i'd definitely not I would definitely not do any of that.

I mean, but that's a great thing about dating is I feel like as we progress in the land of dating, we learn all of these things and they were like, fuck, we really shouldn't have done that.

You won't be doing that again.

Yeah, that was a mistake in your opinion, what's the reason that most people are single who don't want to be in that position?

So a few things. They're not getting high value dates. So a lot of people have trouble getting high value dates A because their profiles aren't very good on online dating, Like their pictures are no good, their bios no good. Like they're making lots of mistakes with online dating, which means they're not getting the high value dates with high

I feel like as well with what you would say, as a woman dating, it is hard to swerve the guys who are looking to have a friends with benefits situation. So, like, for instance, I've had guys who would give what you're classifying as a very high value date, but they're just looking for a.

Friends with benefits situation. And I guess, coming back to my.

Point, that is the reason why I have the five date rule, just absolutely flat out because I'm trying to swerve those guys who are just there for friends with benefits.

Well, you mentioned dating apps before. What's your thought on dating apps in the dating scene?

Fantastic If dating apps are used correctly, it is a fantastic tool on getting high vey dates and finding your ideal partner if you know how to use it.

Do you have any tips on how to use it?

Definitely, So the best thing to do is remember the purpose of online dating apps. The purpose is to get a high value date. That's the only purpose of online dating. It's not to find your ideal partner, it's just to get a date. You're not there for pen pals. I suggest getting on the date fairly quickly, within a week or two, so you can see what they're like in person. Okay, because you can't really judge someone unless you know what they're like in person. You can't fill their energy kind

Yeah, love that.

You're kind of talking about using the wrong photos or whatever. What are the wrong photos? What are the right photos? Do we use filter the right bio as well?

Yeah, I'll start with the bio. With the bio, I have a saying, so the bio is less history, more mystery. Okay, I know bio stands for biography, but in this case, you want to be pretty vague. Okay, talk about what foods you like. Don't talk about what you're looking for, don't talk about what you're not looking for, talk about yourself in a lot of terms. Just talk about food, and that's it. Like you're better off being vague, and then they want to talk to you more. They've got

So you're saying no first traps, nah, no, Like.

You can maybe chuck one in, but mostly you want to look for cute, like you want to set yourself of high value WiFi type material. Okay, so looking for cute. There's a million you know, half naked girls online. Just do the cute thing. So a guy looks at you and goes, that's a cub of girl I want to be with forever, not justly with.

Yeah.

So in your opinion, would you say that dating apps is the best way to meet someone?

Yeah? Yeah, for sure. So look all the people like coach I give about five different options for where you can meet your ideal partner. Yeah, one hundred percent have done it with online dating. Now, there's lots of different options. You can meet someone at subway if you wanted to, But one hundred percent have done it with online dating, just because statistically it's that you give the most matches, don't You can talk to a thousand people for example.

For sure.

Okay, And what would your thoughts be on the different attachment styles?

So it's a big question, a big question.

So where do we where do we start?

Do you think that people need to be part Yeah?

Firstly, I think attachment styles are bullshit, to be honest. Okay, So I hear it all the time. A couple of breaks up. Oh I got an anxious attachment style, or you know, I can't get away from this person because I have a attachment style to them. You actually just have a lack of confidence and not willing to put yourself first, that's all. So all these attachment styles and

So what happens and just some one that does feel anxious when they're not with their partner, and how would you combat that?

What would your tip speech about all that?

My first tip is you've got to choose the right words. This is a very important one. So a lot of people say I suffer with anxiety. Right, here's a much better sentence. So instead of saying I suffer with anxiety, I want everyone to say, sometimes I feel anxious, and anxious is a normal human emotion. Okay, if you never felt anxious, it'd be weird, it would be great. Anxiety has a few pros to it. It's not just all negatives. Okay. So instead of saying I suffer anxiety, say, sometimes I

Well, what happens if you're comfortable in yourself and you know that they go out all night and you know that they're not going to flirt with anyone, they're not talking to any and they're definitely coming home to you, and you know and you're going to make love to you, then I wouldn't say that you're not in love with them, you're just confident and they make you feel secure in that relationship.

I'd probably say you're overly confident, living in a fantasy land.

Why what makes you say this? What makes this.

Is just not in line with reality? Like what person would feel one hundred percent confident about their partner going out all night without them? That sounds a bit far fetch.

I mean, like if you're going out with your friends and they're going out with their friends. I'd feel pretty confident that they're not accepting drinks from another guy, they're not flirting with any guys, they're not giving any guys any looks. I'd feel pretty confident knowing that.

Sure, that's good. That's good that you feel confident in that if anyone wants to really achieve a ten out of ten and maintain a long term I don't recommend that behavior.

See, so we in this podcast, everyone who's listening knows that Matt and I are probably the two most jealous people on the planet, and we are totally comfortable and open admitting it. What does that kind of say to you, that we're both jealous in relationships?

Is that normal? I guess is my question.

Jealousy is a normal human emotion. We've evolved over hundreds of thousands of years for a very specific purpose. Human beings need jealousy, okay, and it's a very good emotion. So a lot of people now there's obviously a negative side of it when it becomes so strongly, you're making it completely insane. But we have jealousy as a reason to keep us together as a family unit. So there's nothing all being jealous. Guys, if it's in a healthy sense.

Yeah, I would not feel coved, but is there enough? I would not feel confident?

Where would you draw the line of possessive though?

Possessive is when it's having a negative effect towards the future goal. So you guys are trying to achieve okay, such as if you didn't let someone out of the house because they were addressed to procatively, right, that's probably having a negative effect and it's not healthy. But say you didn't want your partner to be best friends with their ex. That would be a healthy way to protect your relationship.

Absolutely, I mean, yeah, nobody wants that, do they? That's idea?

So what I strongly recommend if you want to achieve a ten out of ten relationship, don't try to have a PC relationship. Okay, like you guys, protect it. Be a little bit jealous Okay, it's healthy. You're on a long term ten out ten relationship, don't try to make a PC.

Okay, let's talk about how to build attraction. You've spoken a lot about this on your TikTok account, which we are both all over, so.

We've seen a lot of it.

As Nat said before, like sometimes if you see like a video popping up, you might send it to your partner and.

Be like, hey, check this out there, this guy says this.

So let's talk about your first pillar to a successful relationship, building attraction.

What is one way to build attraction with your partner?

Yeah? I love building attraction. It's really the really the key to achieving a ten out of ten and maintaining a long term. So one of the good things you can do with in a relationship to build attraction go on a date together every second week, sleep agether two or three times a week due to twenty second hunts a day, all these little things. It builds attraction. Or you could also replace the attraction word with rapport or likability.

Yeah, for sure, Well how can you maintain that attraction then for a longer period of time For people that are in like a long long term lineationship, and it obviously would naturally fizzle out.

It would naturally fizzle out. So unfortunately human beings, that's another bad trait. We've evolved to naturally drift apart over years. That's very natural, but you don't have to allow it. You can maintain that ten out of ten for long periods of time. If you, guys go on a date every second week, you do two to twenty second hugs a day, you sleep together two or three times a week.

So would you say that the optimum times that you would sleep with your partner in a long term relationship is two to three times a week?

Yep?

Interesting, Yeah, i'd agree with that.

Yeah, two times a week's minimum. Guys, you can do it more if you want to. As long as you're hitting those two times a week, that's fantastic. Obviously, there's a lot of health benefits to aorgazing for example, for a woman three times a week. Okay, so if you can hit those numbers, it's good for everyone's mental health, physical health, the bonding of partners, the love, the attraction. It's pretty good.

Okay, let's go back to dating a little bit. It's kind of like this new often spoken about thing, it's icks. So a lot of people are dating people, they're really into it, they're liking things, they're liking how things are progressing, and then they get an ick.

What's your thoughts on this?

Yeah, I'm assuming they just mean a red flag or some sort of non negotiable.

Or something that if someone does something and it kind of like cringes you out, or like if someone's eating with their mouth open and you're like, ugh, I can't stand that anymore.

Would you argue?

That's just an excuse so for them, maybe that they didn't like them, and that's just an excuse to dump them.

Sometimes it kind of sounds like an old Seinfeld episode, Yeah, where they're complaining about someone putting milk and a coffee without asking, like little stupid shit.

But it's a thing like you could literally be dating someone and you're like, they are the perfect person for me, and then all of a sudden, there's something that really bugs you about them and you just can't overlook it, like there's nothing you can do, and you're like, this has to be done. We've both been there, we both have had that happen.

What I'd probably call it, these people are probably ninety percenters. So guys, while you're for anyone who's single, while you're dating lots of people, you're going to meet people who are eighty or ninety percenters. They seem perfect or good chemistry, good compatibility, everything seems pretty good, but something's not quite right. I wouldn't call it a nick. I would call it so your ideal partner's going to have a beautiful mix

Absolutely, So you don't agree with settling never.

You can't be too picky. You're a ten out of ten will seem too good to be true. It will seem perfect. You won't be able to think of a single thing that they could possibly change. They will seem absolute perfection.

You keep saying it ten. What is someone?

What would you say to someone that's like being dating for a while and they're just given up. They don't think that their ten out of ten is out there? Would you still argue that it is?

Oh? Definitely. Yeah. So I've helped lots of people in their sixties guys achieve ten out of ten relationships. I helped a woman last week, she's sixty four, achieve a ten out of ten. A lot of these women are on the edge of giving up when they meet me, but I redid their profile, get them on some nice dates, and before they know they're in a ten out ten relationship. And these relationships last for the rest of their life. It's really good to see. You don't need to give

See, that's giving a lot of people hope because they know that there's a lot of people out there, including some of my single friends, who are like that person is not out there for me. Everyone I meet is a red flag. I'm meeting fuck boys, I'm meeting idiots, I'm meeting players, and meeting you knowgs.

The above, they're a red flag.

What do you mean they're a red flag?

Well, you're saying, sit the mindset.

Okay, you guys have met people before. Who oh, every guy's a douchebag, every guy's a fuck boy, every guy's this. That's a negative mindset, isn't it. It's very negative. Yeah?

Oh yeah, But I've also been there because I've been fucked over in IVY.

That's the truth. That's the strength around negative beliefs. Okay, if you have a negative belief, you can find the evidence to prove that idea right. It doesn't mean it's right though. Yeah, you could say every guy's a piece of shit and then you only see guys who are shit. It's so true, is it true? It's true because that's your perspective, But is it really true. No, it's not even closely true.

Yeah, I totally agree with what you're saying.

That's like almost manifesting sort of thing.

It is exactly right. Yeah, if you have a negative mindset, you will not be successful. I have a perfect recipe for achieving a ten out of ten right that many people have followed, and it works perfectly. If you do the whole recipe perfectly, but you have a negative mindset, you will fail one hundred percent of the time. If you have a positive mindset and you follow half my recipe,

Well, then one would say, then you've got to find yourself and be happy in yourself before you even start dating.

Absolutely, you have to know how to have a positive mindset.

You need to love yourself before you can love anyone else. I reckon.

Yeah, So what would you say to someone who maybe has been kind of done wrong by they really want to change that mindset over How do they do that? As someone who's listening, who's like, fuck, he's right, my mindset is shit right now, I need to switch.

Int So the first step is responsibility. Okay, So if anyone's listening right now and gone, every guy I've had, every guy been with, is cheated on me, and every guy has treated me wrong. I've been burnt so many times. It is one hundred percent your fault. You've chosen wrong people time after time. You've set yourself up wrong, You've done wrong over and over again. It's your life. You're responsible for it. Everything that happens in your life is

Yeah, that's so if someone goes on a date with a really shitty guy and then they continue to date them, essentially, yeah, it is their fault.

Because they've not cut it off.

Yep, But what happens if he just cheats on her and they had no idea They had no idea.

In a ten out of ten relationship, cheating never happens.

But if they just date she knew.

If she knew, if she knew everything about relationships, knew how to date, perfectly knew it, how to have high standards, had hard conversations, set boundaries, she wouldn't be in the situation in the first place. Okay, taking full responsibility isn't always easy. Now, I'm not saying it's one hundred percent her faulty cheated it obviously isn't It's obviously that guy's a piece of shit. But she chose to be there.

But you can choose to be there without knowing that they have that in them.

Correct. Ignorance is an excuse, isn't an excuse for failure?

I believe ignorance is bliss.

As you can see, guys of ten, it's hard work. It's a lot of mindset stuff. If you have a victimization mindset, you will fail every time.

Look, I'm all for a ten out of ten relationship, don't get me wrong, but I think you can be in a ten out of ten relationship and someone can do you wrong.

If it's a ten out of ten, nothing goes wrong. So this is how cheating works. This is what everyone gets messed up about. So a lot of people think the relationship's good and then cheating happens, then the relationship goes bad. But is that reality? Not even close? This is reality. The relationship is good, then it goes bad, and then cheating happens. Okay, it's not the other way around.

So you don't think that there's ever been a situation where someone's in an unreal relationship and then they've just gone out. Temptations got too much, they've made a terrible mistake, and then they're like, fuck, I need to tell my partner and try and fix this.

I love the word mistake when it comes to cheating. Isn't it a fun one? Yeah? It's like, oh, walking along banan appeal, slip fell into someone's v jina. It's not really a mistake, is it. I've never acted gently, fallen over and accidentally inserted myself into somebody. It's not really a mistake. It's usually a few decisions in that.

That's true.

I was about to say that.

I'm just trying to think of a scenario where you could be in a ten out of ten relationship.

Well, then I think what you're trying to say, correct me if I'm wrong.

Is that it's never a mistake.

It's like it's a relationship.

You're not going to be tempted, you're not going to want to cheat, You're not going to And I can sort of see what you're saying with that you'll never cheat, and then you're unhappy. You're unhappy, then you cheat. You cheat because some people can't get out of the relationship. They don't know how to, so they cheat and they think that they that's they're out, that's the easy.

Or that's right. He's a very important thing that all the listeners need to understand. If a guy cheats on you, he does not love you. Okay, well, if a guy cheats on you, he does not love you, need to get through your head. But he loves me so much. If he loved you, he wouldn't cheat on you.

So true, I totally, I totally can stand by that as a as a man that's cheated on my girlfriend in.

The past will say that I loved loved them my exes. But I just was young and dumb and tempted.

But was it real love?

Is it ever real love? I mean, like I could. Well, now I would say I don't. I don't love them, But at the time I felt like I did.

He thinks that you didn't, Well, then deep here I.

Love to say. Yeah, who's to say at the time that I didn't?

Though me?

Now you need some one on one classes?

Are you sitting in my head? Okay?

Well, I maybe that's my mindset. I think that like I did, I was just young. I was like twenty four, it was like twenty twenty three.

One thing I do say is I tell girls don't date a guy under twenty five.

Absolutely thirty, make it thirty twenty.

Ye, give me a couple of years into their thirty.

Okay.

I have a question, So, what would you say to someone who was in a long term relationship and they know it's bad relationship, it's not a ten out of ten relationship, but they're too afraid to leave.

Yeah. What you can do, which is really good, is you can write down an exit plan. So, just like you would do in the military, write down, what are you going to say when you're going to say it, What timings are you going to hit? Do you need friends, family, police, do you have assets, cars? Children? You can really write out your plan really, really thoroughly, so then it takes the decision making out of it and you can just follow it like a plan.

What happens if for relationships that I would say are like emotionally abusive, that gas lighting type of vibe is there.

They're feeling really torn.

They can't even with an exit strategy, they still feel very connected to their partner even though they know it's not the right person for them.

Yeah, I'd probably say, try to find someone who can help you. Try to find someone like me who can give you a little bit of a push in the right direction to help you get out of the bad situations, get out of your own way so you can be successful. Sometimes we need a bit of a push.

Yeah, absolutely, Can you save that relationship if you think that it's like coming to you?

Can you save them?

If they're in a relationship they don't think is right and it's long term.

It takes a few things to save a relationship. So firstly, I only take on people who I know I can get to a ten out of ten. If cheating has occurred in a relationship, I won't take them on. If real abuse has occurred, I won't take them on. And the other prerequisite is they both need to love each other and be one hundred percent committed to saving the relationship. If they are, I can get it to a ten out of ten. Okay, if they aren't really into it, or there's abuse or cheating has happened.

How do you determine that they are? Do you have like a questionnaire for them? Or can you just read it?

I just ask them, yeah, just happen.

But then anyone could just say that they want to make it work because they've got they've got kids, and they've got like a house and it's easier not then just debail the relationship. So can you read them? And do you have like some sort of thing where you can see if they're lying.

Or they're just yeah.

Basically, So just coaching thousands of people, I know whether a couple's going to make it or not. So in the first ten seconds I can pretty much call it and say, look, you guys clearly are no good. Just it's kind of transition yeah wow, or I can go no, you guys actually probably can do it just if you coach enough, if you coach thousands of people, you can sort of you can feel it.

Yeah, okay, look, we want to talk to you all about masculine and feminine energy.

Next.

Okay, Jake, we want to talk to you about the concept of masculine and feminine energy. How does this apply to a successful relationship?

Oh? Great question, And I would say it doesn't just apply to a successful relationship, but also a successful life. You can really use it in all facets. Now, the way I would describe masculine feminine energy guys, is just a series of traits. So a lot of people have these misconceptions, especially around feminine energy, that it's you know, riding a pink bicycle down the street with the hair like this, and you know you're two in the pink

I yeah, when you were when I first heard masculine and feminine energy, I got that same idea in my head. But I think I understand what you're saying now in that way that like he what he needs from her and she needs from him.

Yeah.

Yeah, they kind of compliment each other like a yin and a yang.

Yeah. Thing you mentioned in one of your TikTok videos that relationships are not meant to be.

Fifty to fifty. Can you take us through your thoughts on things like chivalry.

Yeah, I love chivalry, right, and love opening the door for my wife pulling out of the chair all that sort of stuff for a fantastic That's one thing a lot of people struggle with these days, in this twenty first century. They seem to think relationships are transactional and they're about equality and all this sort of stuff. They're not really, They're about love and happiness. Okay, relationships are about love and happiness and really enjoying the person you're with.

As a tea carrying a bag all that sort of stuff, Like I do that naturally, Like I actually feel uncomfortable not carrying like the growths and watching like my girl do that, Like I actually genuinely feel uncomfortable doing that. So I'll grab that off them. But with the bill, say you're with your partner, I think it should be fifty to fifty. If not maybe obviously a guy will naturally pick up more bills for like coffee and stuff

Yeah, what if the girl has stronger arms, should she open the door for you?

Well?

Yeah, I mean no, that's that's not really the same argument though, so it is.

It is all about chivalry. So when you're in a long term relationship, you basically pull your money together and you're a team, so you pay the rent and the electricity like all together. Right, But going on a date, I want people to practice masculine feminine energy on the date. Okay, so in the day to day life and you're paying for rent and all that sort of stuff, yeah yeah, yeah, work as a team and all that sort of jazz. But when you go on a date specifically, I want

A traction, and then I guess it like strengthens the bond of the relationship as the.

Woman has put forty to thirty K more into that bank account and he's still he's still tapping the card. I mean, okay, I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. Yeah, I do see.

Like that's for me, it's a red flag. If a guy takes me on a date and he's not paying the bill, of course I'm going to offer.

But if he's like, yeah, yeah, you go always Latin.

I always think, on like a first date, the guy should pay, should pay. I think that that's setting from the start what you explain as a masculine feminine energy.

I agree.

What's some things that women do on dates that could be seen as a mistake that's not in their feminine energy.

Yeah, So one of those things I was talking about with being joyous and really nurturing. If a girl is a bit withdrawn, okay, she's a bit cold, she's too shy, she's not very charismatic, so she's holding back. She doesn't want to be touched as well as that living in fear. So some girls live in fear by not letting the guy pick her up for the date, or I'll meet

I guess, like I totally understand why women are fearful going on dates. Like obviously with dating, we're in a kind of time now where you know, you can't like ask people about people you're dating.

What's you like? Did it are? So it is really like going and blind.

You probably will get murdered going on dating.

I mean there's a lot of creeps out there. I mean I'm worried.

Statistically, guys, statistically, there's more chance you're going in a car crash on the way to the date then getting murdered by they perstingly on a date with. But look, that fear is totally understandable, especially with everyone watching crime shows every second. But there's some stuff you can do to mitigate some of those risks. Okay. One of those things turn the tracker on your phone and let your best friend monitor where you're at. You can tell people

So how do you build up trust whilst dating?

Obviously there's as I mentioned, there's a lot of women who are a little bit more reserved. If that is kind of in your mo for like date number one. How do you build up trust between your date?

You have to kind of trust yourself that you're making a smart decision, okay, and trust slowly builds up over time. But I recommend if you can think of trust on a meter from one to ten. Which person should be around a six for you? Okay, so an average person that you meet on the street, it's about a six. You're not going to give them your wallet, but you trust them that they're not going to hurt you. Right,

Okay, we're going to talk about communication, intimacy, and courtship. One of the questions that we get a lot from our listeners is they worry about getting ghosted. And I guess our question for you is, what would you say to someone who keeps getting ghosted?

If you're getting ghosted like every day, there's probably something you're doing wrong in communication. Now, If you're getting ghosted once in a while, that's completely normal, Okay, even people who are extremely pretty get ghosted. But if you're getting ghosted like by every single person you're talking to, you're doing something wrong.

Well, we asked you earlier about the terminology of attachment styles. What's your opinion on love languages.

Yeah, love languages are pretty good. But they're also fairly basic. So don't base everything on love languages. Okay, I've coached a lot of couples. It's very rare that a couple has the same love languages one another. Okay, there's five love languages. They're all great. Everyone loves quality time, everyone loves presence, everyone loves physical touch. Like, there's no bad ones in there. I say, do them all, but don't over water of course, don't act crazy, but do them all.

Like, what would you say that if somebody that actually doesn't like cuddling and doesn't like actual affection and then the other person does, how would you combat that sort of situation?

Yeah, if someone doesn't like being touch, there's usually a reason behind it. Either they don't like their partner, or they're feeling a lack of confidence in themselves. They feel like they're ugly or fat or something. Usually issues that can be solved. So human beings aren't naturally like that.

Okay, so all that that can all be worked out.

Yeah, we just build up their confidence. There's a confidence in self esteem builds, then their self worth goes up, and then suddenly they like being touch. But there's usually something in that we can sort out.

Yeah.

The final question I had is just for the people who are in relationships through listening, how can they tell if they're in a ten out of ten relationship?

Yeah, so just GOBU see your partner and say hey, quick question, what would you rate this relationship out of ten? And see what they say? Super simple, But.

I mean surely they're going to say ten.

Would Yeah maybe maybe they might say it's an eight out of ten and you go, great, eight out of ten, not bad? What would get it to a ten out of ten for you? And I'd say, look, i'd love if we went on more dates? Well brilliant, Yeah, me too, Actually, that'd be fantastic. Yeah, and that's the end of the conversation.

What would you say if in a relationship? Isn't that simple?

Say you go up to your partner and he says or they say, it's an eight out of ten, and then there's not like obviously the communication breaks down. It's not as easy as just getting a solution to the problem.

Yeah, so its usually is pretty simple. Okay, they might say something more complicated, like I wish we communicated better. Okay, and any guys watching this, if a woman says to you, I wish we communicated better, there's a few things you need to do. First thing, you need to be more romantic. You need to tell her that you love her more and then so words of affirmation. But as well as that, you need to listen a bit more to what's what's

What's the secret to a long lasting relationship?

Yeah, those five pillars that'll be covered, Yeah, building, attraction, masculine feminergy, courtship, innity, and communication. If you hit all five, you're going to absolutely smash it. And guys, I also have ten rules. Are you guys familiar with the ten rules that I talk about sometimes?

No?

Yeah, I would have heard them, but let's share.

That want to hear.

Yeah, So it's pretty straightforward. So one of the rules is embrace masculine and feminine energy. Okay, so really it can be a little bit difficult, but embrace that masculine, femin energy. Another one, be intimate two or three times a week. Okay, do two twenty second homes a day. Never argue, you do hobbies, Write down your goals. Take extreme stock where you are right now, so measure where the relationship's at. Measure where you're at in other areas

How do you never argue in a relationship.

It's setting a boundary with yourself. I haven't had an argument in years. Yeah, really, in years and years and years, me and my wife have never had a single argument. We may have had a disagreement, but a disagreement to an argument. A disagreement is just if you disagree about a certain thing, right, which is totally normal. An argument is a disagreement which is full of disrespect and aggression,

Now, how do you stop a disagreement from escalating into an argument? Because well, I know, you can say to yourself, I'm not going to get angry, I'm not going to yell. But sometimes there's so much just ignorance on the other end, or so much that you get so angry that how do you how do you stop yourself?

Yeah, it's a great question. Can you think of a scenario for me brother, say.

Like, for instance, like your girlfriend or your partner, your boyfriend, They're like, fuck, I'm trying to think of something, for example, just something basic, and then it escalates into an argument and you're yelling at each other and neither one of us can see each other's opinion, and you just keep going.

Yeah. So it could be something simple like stacking the dishwasher effectively.

Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, that's yeah. I'm assuming every couple has argued about it.

Yeah, yeah, so fantastic. So the rules of communication, The first rule is, how do you want that person to feel when you finished talking. Second rule of communication is what are you actually trying to achieve? Third rule of communication is how do you get them to want to do what you want them to do? Okay, so first rule of communication? How do you want them to feel when you finished talking? If someone puts the dish in the wrong way and the dishwasher or whatever by getting

I agree. I agree that, like, don't let anyone speak to you like shit.

But I guess you're saying that when you're at a point that when you're about to roll over the edge, when things are getting go from like a conversation that's getting heated to like where you're about to elevate and fly off the hand patties do that, and I guess his respect.

Okay, So you could ask yourself a question. I could reframe it for your brother, So you could ask yourself a question when you're in that spot, ask yourself, do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?

Yeah, so it's true.

My mentality would be I need to not that out there where I think the best for me and everyone would be I go take five minutes and walk off.

And the other question is why are you so angry that?

How long do you have made?

Brother? There's nothing to be angry about. You have a fantastic life. You live in the richest country in the world. You should be grateful.

Yeah, Yeah, I agree, Yeah, and I love I think it is important to like reframe our minds and in those moments of anger, to just really pull ourselves back and be like, this is a boundary. I'm not going to argue. It's something that I've been working on with Michael.

Yeah, It's definitely something I need to work on in all aspects of my life. I feel like I get like really irritable, really easy at the moment. Like just even like people walking slow on the street can get me frustrated at the moment.

Yeah, maybe there's maybe there's there's a reason you're getting a little bit stressed. Maybe you feel like you're not hitting your goals properly. Maybe some little things like that. Reframe it in your mind, hit some gratitude, write down your goals, look what you're looking for, Okay, and then also remember just control the controllables. Okay, someone cuts you off in traffic, can you control that? Not really? Okay, So what's the point of getting angry about it?

Absolutely, that's what my mum said, definitely said. You can't control anyone else, but you can definitely control yourself. So work on that.

Yeah, Jake, thank you so much. It's been a pleasure talking to you. I think Matt needs someone on one lesson.

Nah, I'm fine.

It was just a couple of questions of examples that I wanted to feel that I think a lot of the audience would appreciate as well.

Absolutely, thank you so much for your time. It's been a pleasure and hopefully we'll talk to you soon.

Thanks mate, Thanks for having me.

Guys,