CREEPY OR CUTE? THE DOBLER DAHMER THEORY

He wasn't happy.

He was not He was like ready to kiss someone else that night and break up with her in two to three business days and say, sos, this ain't working out.

Where's Your Head At? Is a podcast that talks all things. Hold on a sec, let's give this a refresh. Hi.

I'm Anna and I'm Matt, and we are now too newlywed not to each other. Just a female and male best friend here for the good, the bad, and the ugly times and.

Exploring adulthood, family relationships, dilemmas.

And whatever else we have the mental capacity to deal with.

Come get the lowdown.

This is your male and female perspective.

So, Matt, where's your head at?

So Anna, thank you for asking me where my head is? How are you today?

Man?

I small?

I just thought I was bringing a really good idea.

You to the why do you tell people and then they can decide?

So I said, I said, instead of asking me, hey, how are you? What's going on? Just ask me where my head is at?

But then I said, our new intro says, so, Matt, where's your head at?

And I said, I'm not going to answer, being like so much to the intro. Yeah, I'm going to answer the intro. I feel like that's a separate thing, but you should say, well, no, we do, hey, hey, yo, And then we just go, well, so where's your head at? And we get into chat guys.

I'm going to leave a poll.

Should we have obviously the intro is there now permanently, which says, Matt, where's your head at? And then should I then say to Matt where's your head at?

No? Well you don't just go straight away where's your head? No? So you go hello and hello Matt, So where's your head at?

It sucks? Sorry, mag God's sold to you that I do.

I think it's something that we keep doing.

And people get familiar with that puppy.

Then we asked our guests where the heads are. That's how we start the conversation.

People know the name of the podcast, type it in to find it.

Well, this is true, Well and my head is good. Thanks, that's where my head is. That I've actually taken up reading you. Yeah, so I don't know if I listed this on the goals for twenty twenty five, but I want to read. So we went into a bookshop the other day. Yeah, the kids got some books and then I was standing around like their section, looking at books with them, and I saw Goosebumps.

And I was like, old, classic, old fave.

Yeah, I used to read them when I was a kid. And I just picked one up and I looked at it and I was like, no, they'd already taken off. Actually I was still reading like the blurb and looking at it, and they'd already paid and walked out, and I was like, oh fuck, I'll get this. So I ran up to the thing, got it, and then like I caught up with them, and they're like, oh what we where were you? And I was like, I've got a book I'm going to read. So I've been reading that.

So it's a kid's book essentially.

I mean, yeah, sure, it's a kid's book, but like you got to start, I'm starting where I took off. So I quit reading for like a couple of years, So I'm going to take off where I left. My mom went to a charity shop and she brought me home like eight of them. Yeah, I got eight to read. I'm really excited.

When I saw your mom the other day, she was extremely excited that you were reading.

Didn't matter if it was Goosebumps, she was just like, thrilled to pieces you're reading. That's very cute.

Yeah, we went to shops. We were looking for him as well. Remember that's right. Yeah, we'll go and try to find him in the shops. But my mom found him in a charity shop.

Your mom was like, I can find them cheaper, and don't you worry, I've got you.

But it actually had ones that you probably wouldn't find it in a shop anymore, like the older ones that when I was a kid I was reading. So it's pretty nostalgic to read them. Love it, it's fun.

Love it heading back to your youth.

Well, I'm going to and then I'll work up to read like more you know, adult books or more. Because I bumped into a mate when I was at a bookshop and he was like, you know, I'm getting this book and then I was like, oh, I've started trying to find Goosebumps. I'm reading Goosebumps. And he did have a little dig he was like, oh, yeah, I'm just I'm on the more adult stuff. And I was like, I was like, you saw that and said and I was like I was like, mate, like you know, like

Well, I'm on the baby books, which is not very very different spectrum to goosebumps.

I read posy baby books.

No, like not baby books like for babies. I mean like an adult book how to have a baby.

I was just going to give you a cheek. I was just going to give you a cheat code. Then when you're reading to kids and your baby, you don't have to They don't they can't read, so you can make it up as whatever you want to do. So, like I look at the pictures sometimes and I just make my own thing off. They don't know different, they're not I think Sas one time was like you're not reading that, are you? And I was like, no, I'm making my own story off.

Do you know what type of book I would imagine, because Okay, Michael sometimes reads.

When I say reads, he makes.

Up stories to our baby, but he makes up stories about himself.

And I could just so see you doing the same thing.

Yeah.

Well, upon a time there was this guy and he was the lead singer in a band. He was a really cool guy. He's talking about himself.

So I sort of so I don't really confuse her biography. I sort of used the pictures as what I'm trying to talk about, so it's not completely.

Left your imagination.

Man. I look at the pictures and it was like a duck doing something and I was just talking about what it was doing. But I was going into more details than like the four words that it says in a baby book. But yeah, there's a little cheap for you to my parenting.

Okay, the Australian Open is on at the moment. We I specifically am a huge Australian Open fan. I thought you were Australian Open fan.

Yeah, I do. I like one. Yeah, when it's on, I won't like follow it outside throughout the year, throughout the year. So Tammy and I went the other day for we came a swear house and we went and watched it. We watched Novak Lovely, and I watched Novak again last night with my sister. I went with.

Emma, Oh you went last night, so you would have seen that he did not give an interview.

Yeah, what did he say? We couldn't really hear.

So he basically there's a Channel nine presenter who was making fun of him and his Serbian fans. I think it was during the time of COVID. I'm pretty sure.

And he's still and he's still well.

I think the footage has just come I think the footage has just come back out. He's seen this for the first time and he is not happy. So he is putting his foot down, and he said that he's not giving any more interviews with Channel nine until he receives a formal apology from either the journalist who is the one mocking him.

Is this Chompers Tony Jones, Yeah, Chompers, And he's like and he's saying Novak sucks or something to them when they're chancing.

I saw that, Yeah, it was something along those lines.

Yeah.

So he is like not happy, so he's like fully putting his foot down. Yeah.

I think he has a bit of resentment towards Melbourne for how he was treated during COVID. He's not happy about it still, and I think this is kind of like he's got like a little bone to pick and this is where he's taking out his frustrations. Anyway, I guess it's gonna unfold throughout the week and we'll see what happens.

We'll see if he gives another interview, if he sticks to his word, if.

Channel nine's gonna cave in, give an apology, who knows what's gonna happen.

But I'm excited.

I love the stories in between the Australian Open. I think that's what I live for when it comes to the Ossie Open.

Yeah, I don't get that invested in it. I mean I like to watch tennis. I enjoy. You're fully invested. Well, I were talking him before about that tennis player.

The girl, Daniel Collins.

Yeah, and how I saw that. My sister showed me how she had some stuff to say to the fans that were billing her.

Yeah.

She's definitely caused a stir and some controversy. She yeah, was getting booed, as a lot of people who reversing Australians do, because the crowd definitely has.

Do you agree with booing?

I mean it's a bit of entertainment.

I obviously grew up and like still love wrestling, So you boo the bad guy? Yeah, But I think in real life competition, when they're real people, they're not portraying a character. I don't think you should boo I don't think so. I understand American football games and that they will make noise so they can't hear like calls from like the players, so they can't play properly. So they make a lot of noise so they can't hear when they call plays. Now I agree with that. That's but

Yeah, look quite, I've quite enjoyed this situation. I obviously don't agree with booing, but I do love the theater of the whole thing.

I call it pageantry to tammy shit. I love the pageantry of like wrestling and everything like that. I love when it's like full than life, grandiose pageantry. Yeah, I do like it.

And obviously I'm a very competitive person. Right, So, as someone who's very competitive who does not like to lose.

If every shot that you're about to.

Take and then you miss or you fail and you're like already kicking yourself and then you have a whole crowd of people booing you, you'd be pissed.

I'd be pissed personally.

So the fact that she was kind of giving it back to the crowd. She did a little kiss my ass. Oh, she smacked her ys.

She worked fully into that heel role of being the heel.

She fully like was like ha ha ha I won yea shit.

And I saw when she's like me and my coach like five star resorts, so we're gonna take the prize money. That was that was funny? Did they boor when she said that?

Yeah, oh big time.

Yeah, I love that.

But it was so good, so I was just like, yes, get it girl.

Yeah, I love that she's working into it and like, actually like giving.

It back, Yeah, giving it back.

I mean, I think obviously there's a few people who probably don't like her because of that happening, but at the same time, it's such good entertainment for the crowd. And then I've never watched her flow tennis. The next time she played, I was like, I'm watching it. And then she last.

But you know what did she did when she last? Did she just put legs? Didn a guy crack it and break the ring the ring camera, the ring camera, the net camera.

The net camera. Yeah.

Yeah, had got fined eighty grand?

Shut up? What about the amount of money in the Australian open. It just blows my mind.

Yeah, I'm going again tonight. I yeah, who with my other sister Laura.

Who got your tickets?

Apparol lucky. I love an aperol.

Spirits, love an approll spirits.

That's I think that's the one thing that I've truly truly missed during my pregnancy. Some apaol, some sashimi, a bit of pate or Pathe.

Went on the other night and had the chicken pate.

Oh don't that It was so good. That's like the number one thing.

Well, you can't eat that when you're pregnant. I don't actually know what you can and can't eat.

There's a lot you can't eat.

Anyway, should we get into the episode, let's do it.

I'm a huge fan of How I Met Your Mother. I finished it now, I finished it. It was anyone, no spoilers. But the end's a bit a bit lackluster.

I heard that. I've never watched it, but Michael's given me the fall on one. He's a fan.

He's a fan. Yeah, the end's a bit anti climax. I mean, I get it, sure, but like it was okay, but there was brought to my attention because they have like good episodes about different sort of relationships stuff, and there was one episode where they brought up the Dobbler Dharma theory.

Yes they did, indeed, so obviously four people playing at home who might not be aware. Jeffrey Darma is the very notorious serial killer, and then Tommy Darbler is a fictional character from the nineteen ninety film Say Anything, which I actually haven't seen. They will put my hands up and say, but this theory that don't we're so bad

Super interesting and.

There was a lot more in depth than we thought.

It is way more in depth.

To simplify it, it's basically when someone potentially does a romantic gesture towards you, and in one scenario, you're like, that's giving me the creeps. That's an absolute no versus that's really hot. I'm really into that. And it's the same thing but different persons.

So they use the example of in the movie Say Anything, he comes and holds a speaker out the window and plays like a romantic song to her. So they're saying, if she wasn't into him and didn't like him, it's creepy. It's like stalker, but because she's into him likes him, it's cute.

Yeah.

Have you got anything off the top of your head that makes you think that you've gone, Oh, that's creepy.

I have one even relating to Michael.

So, like obviously, back when I was single at her my type was like tall, tan, long hair vibe, which kind of falls into like that very musician y guy. Right, Yes, So I have had a couple of men in my time without the guitar and then starts singing to me, or that's cringing, or make me a song.

It reminds me of Barbie you Ken sitting around singing.

So like it can.

Go one of two ways is when someone brings out a guitar, like it can be so ikey, like I'm just so grossed out. I'm like, this is never gonna work now after this moment, like I specifically remember I stayed over at this guy's house and in the morning, like we went out bining. We were seeing each other for a while in his bed and like he brought me a coffee and then he pulled out his guitar and he was singing.

For like thirty minutes straight. I was like, please make this end.

New songs or like had he made up on the spot actually like covers covers?

Yeah, I was just like making an end, Like what am I supposed to do? I'm just sitting there like cool, what.

Do you do?

Like?

How did he stop? How do you?

I just endured it? But in saying the same thing.

When me and Michael were dating, obviously, as you know, Michael's was a lead to of a band.

He sung to me and it was really hot. He also didn't overdo it, like he sung one song.

So well, that is literally the theory.

Yes, So we have Darma, one character who's dark, troubled, dangerous in nature, who's kind of like the bad boy, you know how there's like the bad boy versus the nice boy kind of phenomenon the Dharma, even although in real life he's a serial killer, so it's taking it to a whole different level in extreme that's like the

He's sincere, he's kind, and he's a very you know, he's a romantic.

He wants to romantic.

He's emotionally available as well. You know, sometimes when we're we think we want someone emotionally available, but do we really do we want like the bad boy?

Do you remember I was telling you this the other day, even though I was I've had this before. I remember. I So this was a couple of years ago. I was single, I was casually dating, and I remember I was chatting to these two girls, two different girls. Nothing not exclusive for either one of them, you know, nothing even more than just I think a couple of dates each. But one was completely emotionally cut off. Was still talking to her. Actually, you know you remember him of us? Yeah,

Nice as girl, sweet as part.

Yeah, nothing was like just and I was so more attracted to the one that was emotionally cut off.

What does that say about you?

But because I've never believed in that nice guy, they like always go for the bad boy. But I think that's the only time that I've been caught in that situation where I have.

I mean, I think that psychologically there is a psychological reason for that, and it's the appeal of the danger of you know what's gonna happen here, Like this girl is still talking to her ex. Can I win her over? Can I fix her? Can I help her? Can I help her get away from this guy?

Can I save her?

Right? The complex the appeal that I think that you felt versus the person who was very emotionally available, very very kind, safe the right word. You chose the opposite, but in choose any in the end, think I dated either of them further past that point.

But that was just like I remember having that conflict when we spoke about it, and I was like, why am I more attracted to the and.

Like that this girl's so nice and You're like, yeah, but I like the other. Okay.

So there's also celebrity couples who we can kind of look at their dynamics between them. So, for instance, we have Courtney Kardashian and Travis Barker, who both represent this edgy, dangerous, alluring type of love, kind of like living.

On the edge. It's naughty.

You know.

When they first got together, they used to have all those photos with their tongues out, like touching tongues and like it was just like naughty versus you're Beyonce and jay Z, which is like that idealized type of love connection. It's kind of like what love is supposed to look like, and everything goes smooth and happy and rainbows and fairies.

But isn't he canceled now in the whole what do you call it? The whole?

Yeah?

Yeah, but I mean just for the sake of me explaining it, expining.

It for people to think, I like the whole Courtney and Travis sort of set up though that whole looking faces. Didn't they do the blood vile thing as well.

I think it's about like.

The naughtiness of it, you know, like the dangerous aspect of it. It's not like, you know, the typical nuclear family love. It's like this blended family with you know, older siblings and a new baby, and like it's just kind of like this new age.

From what I've seen on TikTok, they look very in love and very good for each other. I'm not would Scott be like the dorma then in this situation the like the dama sorry, like the bad like they're not good option, and then he's the dolba.

Well, I don't know, because I guess in some ways this Courtney and Scott together were like that romanticized perfect couple, and then Courtney and Travis are more of like the dangerous naughty couple.

But I mean you can kind of fight it both.

Ways perception of what's what?

I guess, Yes, So anyway.

Other examples that we come across are as we've said, the bad boy vers nice guy, the toxic verse stable, the fixer versus the soulmate, the rebound versus the real thing, and the excitement versus the comfort dynamic.

Super interesting theory.

Have you ever been in a situation where someone has done a really nice gesture for you and maybe in one scenario you found it really romantic, in others you found it really gross and icky.

Ah, I can't think of one off the top of my head where I've done it, no, where I've had someone do it for me. I remember one time, I think I said this on the podcast before I was seeing this girl and it's this was years ago, and she didn't. I can't remember. Something happened, and I think we just ended. We went in our own ways, and I remember I was like with my mate and I was like, I'm gonna buy it. I'm gonna give her flowers.

Oh my god, that broke my heart. That was really sad. We'll link this on our Facebook if you haven't seen it. But basically, this girl's supposed to be working on New Ye's e and this guy's like at a New Year's Eve party with all of his friends, and she surprises and he's like so excited to surprise him. She even gets people to film it to get his reaction, and he is visually devastated.

Wow.

I don't know, because you don't know what to believe online and that, but apparently I had been dating that long. It was only like two weeks or something, so it was quite sticky.

You said that, though I don't know if you would believe.

That came from a libel source.

Re liable or reliable.

Reliable sorry, reliable source. I think it was Tammy she read it.

I mean the thing is, I feel like we've been posting on TikTok like surprising my boyfriend for news eve, which she did.

She definitely surprised him, though she looked shook.

He wasn't happy.

He was not He was like ready to kiss someone else that night and break up with her in two to three business days and say, sos, this ain't working out.

Have we heard from him since?

No. She deleted it, which made me feel so bad for her because it was going so viral, but people had screened recorded it and then were like reposting.

On their own accounts.

But I was, God, that sucks, like, imagine you post this video thinking this is so cute, this is so romantic of me, Like I've done this really nice gesture for my boyfriend. Even if he is a two week old boyfriend, they're still boyfriend and girlfriend. And then everyone in the comments is like, sorry, this guy doesn't like you, and then you're thinking about, well does he like me?

Recorded unpopular opinion, go for it. She should have the self awareness not to post that video and see that it was not Yeah, his reaction. She should have enough self awareness.

No one has enough self awareness. Do you know why?

Because people in relationships have rose colored glasses on, and you can have a thousand people tell you that someone's not that into you or treating you poorly or not right for you, and until you can personally see it, or until someone literally takes those rodes colored glasses off you and gives you real life twenty twenty vision, that person's.

Never going to see it.

Do you have a scenario then, Anna, I do so.

Basically, when I was in year eleven at school, there was this guy and he would just stare at me in the hallways, but we had never really spoke. And then I think he kind of was like would say I think he then got up the courage to say hi, Anna.

In hindsight, this makes me feel really guilty and really bad.

He would say hi, Anna, and I'd say hi, and that was it, and then like I didn't think about it again anyway. It was Valentine's Day at school, yeah nice, and I was walking down the hallway. We had like this big hallway that when classes would change over, Like basically you'd have to take this huge hallway to get.

To your next class.

Anyway, I was walking with like my book books, and then he gave me this box. It was a heart shaped red box and he just said hi Anna, gave it to me, said Happy Valentine's Day, and I like was like thanks, and like, I like had never spoken to this guy. Yeah, and because he used to stir at me, I think I was a little bit creeped out by him. And then he would say hi Anna, and I was like, oh, he's a nice guy. But then he gave me the heart box and then I was like, oh, like I don't really know him, and

No, it's really sweet. In hindsight, I think it's really sweet.

And he had sprayed his cologne on on the letter, I know, and he'd obviously taken rose petals and pulled them off of roses and put them rose pedals and put little chocolate loves.

And I think there was like a heady or something in there.

I can't go, he's so romantic. What do you reckon he's doing right now?

It was so he's actually married, but.

I bet you he's doing that for his wife now.

Probably and she's probably like, Wow, what a guy, and he is like that is.

So nice time. At the time, I can't.

Say it didn't creep me out because I hadn't had a conversation with him, and I was like, he doesn't even know me.

This is creepy. I'm scared anyway, but that I do feel bad about that saying this out loud now I do feel bad about it. But at the time he creeped me out.

I can see how that could creep you out. But if you were attracted to him or you thought he was cute, if he did that, that would have been a really cute gesture.

This is a thing.

He was a good looking guy. Like he wasn't a bad looking guy. He was he was very good looking.

But do you just want attracted to him so well?

I'd never spoken to him, and like this staring thing kind of creeped me out, and like, yeah, it was giving.

More like the creepy he had no riz. I just wasn't emotionally open to it.

You know, Yeah, I know what you're trying to say.

It might not have had any risks.

He had no rias. He just stared at you and thought that was going to work and it just got him nowhere.

So anyway, the point is is that if you're going to do a romantic gesture, it might not drop the way you think it's going to drop. And it has nothing to do with you.

No, it just has the other person and what they feel towards you.

Yeah, how if they're attracted to you or if they're not attracted to you.

Yeah, because it could happen to someone else. You could do the exact same thing to someone else and they can think it's the most romantic thing in the world. But they are attracted to you. So if they're not, don't take it personally. We'll take a person because they're not attracted to you, but don't take it so heavily, is what I'm trying to say.

And in saying that, Valentine's Day is right around the corner, so we need to start planning Valentine's Day surprise field.

Well, I was going to ask people if they have anything that has happened to them like this, Yes, please please send.

It our way, send us a voicemail. We want to love to react to them.

We want to hear. It could be as simple as that someone gave you something back at school and just didn't land the way they thought it would. Or it could be anything.

Yeah, okay, Matt, Until next time, Bye bye