I want the fairy tale.
I want the prince charming.
She how do I put?
This?
Isn't a fan of my kissing style.
We would boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours.
He's in a trash bin.
He's non recyclable, catching the mup.
I love being love, I love love.
On today's exclusive episode of Where's Your Head At, we are talking to relationship coaches Hailey, Michelle Andrews, and her partner Sam. We will be diving into jealousy in relationships and moving from a monogamous relationship to an open one.
Stay tuned.
Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.
This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, intimate details, advice, and much more. Okay, and I think I've just shaken my hangover from the weekend. And your birthday was amazing. It was awesome. There was it was on a boat. We were all white, There was a champagne tower. There was a dude playing a saxophone. And this is what I remember because I have been to some states, but this was I was in some serious strife.
I don't know how I didn go overboard, I know, to be honest, I was like, someone give mad a dinghy because he looks like he's got some sea legs on it.
Oh well, we went out afterwards, and this is, you know, the tailing of a good night. I obviously wanted to keep going. Genevieve had had enough, so she just got a new bar, went home. I woke up, came to I don't even know what time. Oh god, didn't have a Sallyar phone. I had my wallet. I just was lost outs on a park bench, passed out and I just had to walk down to Chapel Street, hailed a cab, got home, no keys, climbed to a window, passed out in bed.
Jeez, so you lost your phe I.
Did lose my phone, so I was off the socials, off my phone for about forty eight hours.
So I got a new one and that was actually quite healthy.
For me.
The twenty four hours.
It actually helped me a little bit. But how did you How did you find your party?
Honestly, the first hour was just kind of like getting everyone on board, making sure everything was as I wanted it to be, making sure everyone had drinks, was having a good time, and then as soon as the boat took off we'd done the Champagne tower. I kind of just took a big sigh of relief and was like, Okay, now I can really have fun and party and relax and I don't know, like having a thirtieth birthday party.
I'm so glad I did it. Like it was everything I wanted it to be and some and yeah, I think it's just amazing having all of the close people in your life together all at once. Everyone's mingling, making new connections. Everyone was really living in the present. I asked people to not post that night and just post the next day, so people were less focused on social media, I guess, and just really enjoying the night. And it was so fun, Like I had the best night.
I remember that the boat took a while to take off, and I didn't understand why. I'm like, oh, we're all aboard, can we break a car? Let's take off. And that was where I got into some serious strife. That was when I just kept knocking back champagne and that was where it all turned. It all went sound, Yeah, it went south from there, But I've got a funny story. Actually, So the bar was right next to the women's toilets.
So I'm at the bar, you know, usually where I am getting another drink, and Jen was trying to go to the bathroom but it was locked. She's like, I'm busting and busting. I'm like, all right, well let's wait, So I grab our drinks were standing there waiting. After I think about like ten twenty minutes, the door opens and it's Anna in a whole new outfitsh.
I was like what.
And you had this big neon light with thirty above your head and I was like, what's going on? You had three outfit changes in one night. It was quite extraordinary. Tell me a bit about that.
Yeah, I mean it was very extreme, but I just thought, I want a new outfit for every decade I've been alive, So three outfits for three decades. And yeah, it was fun. Like it took a little bit of help, so I had all my friends helping in the toilet, like changing my outfits and helping. Like one was a corset like jumpsuits, so people were like strapping me into it. So it took a bit of man power, but we got through it and it was fun, Like it was fun changing
it up. I couldn't choose what outfit I wanted. So I was just like, fuck it, let's just have all three. The neon sign on the head seems like a good idea because it was dark on the boat, and I mean, yeah, I would encourage anyone to have an outfit change fun.
Three curtain changes, all right. And I saw you alluded to something on our last episode when we were talking about your thirty tips. Before thirty you mention that you were getting a surprise, and you tell us later, Well.
Tell us now.
Yeah. So me and Michael and one of my best friends, Sarah went to the tattoo parlor and I got my first ever tattoo.
Wow did it hurt?
Where I was it?
Where is it?
It's in the inside of my arm. So it's a little star. It's for my Nana. When she passed away, I kept seeing a single star and the sky, and I think I just knew it was her. When I was flying over to the UK, I was actually in the air and I remember looking at the window of the plane and there was so many stars in the sky,
like hundreds. And then I went to sleep for an hour and I woke up and I remember looking at the time, which actually ended up being the time that she passed away, and I pulled up the plane window cover and there was just one star in the sky of a sudden and I think in that moment, I
just knew that she had passed. And from then on I just kept constantly seeing a single star in the sky until my papa, her husband passed, and then I never saw it again, and I'm sure I will see it again, but yeah, it just was pretty significant to me and just kind of made me like know that she was still there and still watching. So I decided to get that.
It's really sweet. Actually I didn't realize that was the story. Yeah, now that you've got the first tattoo, do you reckon there's more coming? Because they say you want you get the first one, they all come.
Yeah.
I mean Michael was in there with me and he doesn't have any tattoos yet, but he was kind of like, Oh, if we had more time, I definitely get a tattoo. And we have spoken about potentially getting couple's tattoos.
That's a big thing here.
I mean, Matt's already taken the plant, so but yeah, I think, like I don't know, if maybe we were going to get married or something or engaged or whatever. It is, Like if there was like an event in
our relationship that happened, we might get one. But other than that, like I don't really feel like that need and like desire to have more, Like I really just wanted something really small, really simple, Like it's in the inside of my arm so it's not super noticeable, and yeah, I'm really happy with it.
Watch this space, Anna and Michael are going to Barley. Who knows what might happen on one of the drunken nights, might stumble in to a tattoo parlor and get initials. You had some great presence on the night as well. Do you want to tell us any of them.
Yeah, well, let's talk about the present you got me you wanted to say, I was just say because it was really cute Matt, like, honestly, to be honest, I was expecting Matt to get me nothing like I was thinking I might get a card, and honestly that would have been amazing, But Matt went above and beyond Matt and Jen. The first thing you got me, which I thought was super sentimental, very sweet, was you got me our first ever script that we did for where's your
head at? And you framed it, yeah, and it was all rough and it was just like very raw, And I just love that because it is it's such a night like in this podcast, like we've come such a long way. We have so many listeners now and we're super grateful for the community that we have, and it was a nice kind of like mark of how far we've come from that first very basic script that I looked.
Over it as I was printing it off and I was like, I should fix this to what our standard is now, and then I was like, probably not, Let's just leave it how it is.
And then the second thing that you guys got me was a beautiful Siriah and Sebastian necklace, which I'm obsessed with Siriah and Sebastian. It's a super fine necklace. It has a little m on it. So when I first opened it, I was like, is Matt getting me a necklace from Matt? And then I was like, oh, no, he's getting me one from Michael, maybe both of them.
Yeah, So that was all Jen. So thank you Jen for that again, Yeah, thank you for that idea she got you and and Jen brought herself one as well she got one for Matthew and you for Michael.
Thank you. I love it so, thank you guys. It was a very sweet gift. All right. So we have relationship coaches, Hailey and Sam back to talk about all things jealousy and moving and transitioning from a monogamous relationship into an open one. So stay tuned.
So I've got to ask you, guys, are you guys monogamous or are you in an open relationship? How does it work?
Yeah? So Sam and I for the last two years we've been completely monogamous, completely devoted and this beautiful, sacred container and just recently we've started to toy with the idea of possibly being open but in a very sacred, conscious container.
And so for me.
Personally, the desire for possibly another woman, I feel like that could be so healing for me to experience that.
There's been a lot of feminine betrayal.
In my past, like this life, many lifetimes. Also maybe potential for another couple.
We're not sure. We're kind of just like delving into a lot of this.
Down so that we're very very open. And I think this is the most powerful thing is when we talk about this conscious communication is just to be able to speak this truth, and like we've been speaking into recently, just because we speak about this doesn't mean it's something we have to do. Yeah, it's about being having the
space and being able to speak openly and honestly. And it's something like for me has been a challenge my entire life because my fear was always hurting people and hurting the ones I love, and so there were times where I didn't share that truth and that was something that I've spoken to recently where I'm like, I'm not sure if monogamy is my truth, Like I'm not sure
if that's how I think I am or how people are. Necessarily, I think everyone has their own choice, and so just being able to speak into that because it's like when we look at the feminine energy again we speak about this, it's like the feminine desires love and connection above all, else whereas the masculine craves freedom and purpose, and sometimes monogamy can take away from that freedom. And so it's
something that I've spoken to. It's not necessarily us doing this or being open, but it's the freedom of being able to speak that truth and being met in a space where that's received. So it's definitely something where we're open to.
Definitely open to exploring.
And also like I think we all love beauty, and I feel like in this society it has been shunned to speak into finding something else beautiful or attractive, Like it is so healthy, Like if we see.
A beautiful woman, it's like, hey, that fucking woman is beautiful. Yeah, and not get triggered by that. It's appreciated.
It's appreciating art. It's like we are all attracted.
To beauty, yea absolutely.
And just because we're in a closed relationship in this closed container, it doesn't mean that we we don't see that or notice that or maybe desire it sometimes. And I think it's healthy to be able to speak into these things absolutely.
Again, it's like not suppressing, you, not suppressing only the
negative on that comes when there's a suppression. So it's been able to speak our truth and then to be received in that that space where it's like that just because oh I find that woman attractive doesn't mean I want to go and have sex with that woman, you know, it's just it's admiring it and acknowledging that and then maybe then yeah, maybe then you're like yeah, me too, you know, and then maybe she's like, those guys are fucking hot and there's so much power around that when
we you know, this is something that we've experienced, like speaking this truth and being in that container, and it's something that for me personally, I have a maybe a bit more experience with this some terms of love temples and really conscious connection. But it's like when we can express our sexuality in such a healthy way and without jealousy and without fear, understanding that we are all one on the biggest scale of things. So how can we
overcome this these things that are coming up? Why are they coming up? And how can we really be in that divine union share that sacred energy.
And for us, a big one is because there's there's a lot of polyamorous couples out there, and for us, what we believe at our core is that this container has to be solid first, and if there is a desire, is it coming from an unmet need within the relationship, because if it is, that's.
What needs attention first.
Right.
Yeah, So there are a lot of people out there playing in this realm that aren't in a sacred safe container to begin with, and they're look searching outward for something else to fulfill them. They're not getting in the relationship where Sam and I have been the last two years completely devoted to each other, to our growth, and we've gotten to this certain level where it's like, hey, now we might be ready to let someone else into our sacred container and it would be a very specific energy.
You're looking for a couple, Michael Quadruple Dan, I want.
To talk to you guys about Obviously, you guys are both deeply in love with each other. It's very clear,
and just like you guys are a beautiful couple. It must be hard if you've been monoga for the past two years and to now be shifting potentially, Like I know, nothing is certain, but if you guys were to be open, even just talking to you guys, like I think I can feel a lot of fear inside me bubbling over because it's just like, oh my god, you don't want to lose them, Like, can you talk more on that, because yeah, I can definitely feel like the fear even within myself.
We definitely can oh yeah, And this is this is something again where it comes to this, this the mindset of things, and I'm not sure of attachment style.
Yeah at all. Yeah, Yeah, so.
That you know that the love addict and the love a void a and so it takes work to come to that space of a really secure attachment. Yeah, And I think before any of this discussion can even happen, we have to be secure within ourselves. I mean, I'm sure you can still explore that avenue, but it's potentially gonna open a can of worm. So it can be very healing, Yeah, it can be, but for it to be really in that state of pleasure, I think it's
really important that we're doing the internal work first. And we both know that from within each other. And I've known that, you know, I've known that for a long time. Like it's like it's kind of why we're just coming into this now, into these conversations and what it comes down to. Ultimately, it's a simple choice. It's a simple choice of love or fear. Yeah, am I choosing or am I choosing fear?
My attachment style is anxious avoidant. And it's interesting hearing you say like we have to do the work to get to a secure attachment because I've always believed that I can never get to a secure attachment like I'm like, oh, I could never possibly be secure in a relationship like that's too out of my comfort zone.
I guess, how.
Do people do that work to get to a secure attachment style? I guess is my question?
Huge, huge work like this, This is the core of a lot of what we do. When I mean, for some people it can be easy, and others it depends on that experience you've had in you know, your weather, you've experienced trauma around this I'm coming from. I was that in that space of the avoidance where that came from has been such a huge part of my healing journey.
So I think the first step to understand from my perspective is that these challenges that we're faced in life, these things that have caused us pain, are actually gifts. So these are actually gifts for us to dive into our emotions, into our healing so we can come to that space of secure because our natural state is secure. Our natural state is love and joy. That is where we are, and then things have happened to us that
take us away from that. But the depths that we've been taken away from that, the depths that we can feel our pain is equal to the depths, we can feel our pleasure. So once we can sort of reframe, and this is what it's really about, reframing these things
that have happened to us. And sometimes they're terrible, you know, sometimes they're really it's very hard to see it as a gift, but to understand there's always a silver lining to the cloud, no matter how dark it is, and just focusing on that silver lining.
It's a deep journey, sister.
It's deep, it takes work, it doesn't just happen overnight. And there's not just this lifetime of trauma. There's past lifetimes of trauma, and there's collective feminine betrayals, feminine wounding.
There's a whole lot that's there.
So yeah, to come to that secure attachment really takes a deep delve inwards.
Yeah, there's no one this is the way and it's not linear.
I think it's also I understay again that reframe of like, the work doesn't have to be hard, the work can be fun. We can be vulnerable and we can say like, yeah, this is where I'm coming from, this is what I'm struggling with, and then we can find the joy in working together to heal those wounds. It doesn't have to be hard, it doesn't have to be traumatic. So that there, and I think it's just about having that safe space
and that container to do so. So it really comes from first and foremost being vulnerable, being vulnerable with ourselves, and then being vulnerable with each other.
Yeah, it's like bringing everything out of the shadows, because, like you mentioned before, what was coming up for you was fear like maybe losing this love, and it's like actually speaking into that, like, hey, there's jealousy arising for me right now, So what is that jealousy actually showing me?
What do I need to look at? What is underneath that?
As women, especially in my love, there was a time in our life not long ago, fifty years ago, where we couldn't survive without a man, right, We couldn't even have a bank account with our name on it. We needed a man to survive. So back then, every woman became our enemy because she was a.
Threat to our survival.
So this is what we're working on on a very deep level.
This is what I thought of it like that, Yeah, there's a.
Lot of every single woman became a threat, she became your enemy, And this is what we're rewriting this is what we're we're breaking through.
Yeah, and then it's a personal experience that you have in your life as well. Come through that, and it's so beautiful to see like knowing and understanding what you've experienced in life and where you've come from and to see how you've changed that. Yeah, you know, you know it's still a jealousy was still a challenge when when we.
When we first got together, I was like, fucking, no one's coming near my man. You know, it's deep, it's deep, and like Sam said before, the woman's primal need is like love and connection. So when we feel like there could be a threat there, of course that jealousy can come up. And how often are we actually speaking into that jealousy or how often are we like trying to push it away and shame it because that's not okay.
You know, how transparent are you with your partner? Like, actually, feelings of jealousy are coming up for me right now? Or is it just a projection of that jealousy?
And it's like, is that jealousy warranted? Like no, really don't to speak openly and honestly about that, Like is that something like are you actually here attracted this woman and want her not speaking that to me or or like or is this something that I'm creating in my mind and my creating a stuf.
Yeah, when we come into that conscious communication around it, I mean, there would be so many women that I feel like, oh, Sam into that woman and he's totally not.
But I've created this whole story in my head.
Yeah, the past experiences there, I've been there.
Anna is very guilty of that.
And every time she calls me and says something, I have to reassure that like, yeah, she just own head, there's nothing to worry about.
Yeah, this is this is powerful. This is where the conversation needs to be totally. This is what because we feel so alone in that right, Like how often have you thought like I'm fucking psycho because I have these feelings. No one else has these feelings and I'm so alone.
I always talk into this with my partner Michael, and like, you know, if I feel jealous, He's the first person to know about it, so it's not like I'm hiding yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, second yeah.
And it's interesting how we then also attract situations like there are times what we've been out and like I mean there is reason for you to be that way something.
Oh yeah, women flock to him and I'm like, and it's and it's not like get out my fucking sword.
Literally, it's not just like a you know, coming over and having a look or but it's like they'll be girls and they just hang around all night. Yeah, and we're kind of like seriously, but it's interesting how then that's been attracted as well because of the wind. Yeah, and that's so beautiful to see how that shipped.
Yeah, you know, and now.
We're really able to speak in these conversations because of that healing that's happened.
So it is possible.
It is absolutely.
It's a general work, but it's possible.
And that and when we come to that space, it's where real deep love and true connection can come from, because we can't love from fear.
Thank you guys for listening to this exclusive content from Haley and Sam. We thought we'd give you a little bit of f shark because you guys were loving the first one. So there you go.
Until next time, guys, Bye bye,