ANNA'S LEARNINGS ON LOVE BEFORE MARRIAGE

I feel like our podcast is just me constantly correcting your words.

Yeah, just I don't just can't speak properly? Can I? Who would have thought? Might I have a podcast? Then?

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Hi, mad Hello Anna?

How are you going?

I'm good. We are still away. So this is a pre recorded episode.

We're in Greece. We are I would have just I'll be on my way back.

Okay, I would have just finished our friend moon. And this is the first ever our honeymoon.

What is a friend moon?

So basically, obviously we're having an international wedding. We're all going to be in Greece, and I invited my best friends to come on from a moon. It's literally from Corfu to mike Itos one hundred and fifty dollars flight. So we were like, when on earth will you ever

But then obviously we've had.

A wedding in Corfu and we're so close, and like I think as well, like the wedding, we have obviously a few different events, but then after it, everyone's kind of doing their own thing. And I kind of floated the idea with everyone and was like, however, one feeling about going to Mikinos for three days. We can all get a big villa together. It'll be really fun. And everyone was like, yes, we're totally on board. Obviously you can't come, which is totally fine, but my bridesmaids and

Do a full recap of all of that.

So for today, I decided that I was going to give everyone a little bit of wisdom, and I'm going to do everything I've learned about love before getting married and the things I wish I knew sooner.

Let's jump in.

Okay, So these are some stuff that Anna has written down that she thinks she needs to pass on or would like to pass on to our listeners, that she has learned on her journey to find the love of her life.

Exactly.

Okay, Well, the first one is pretty simple and it's never date potential. So essentially that basically means that people show you who they are, believe what they show you. I mean, I think for me, I used to always say, oh, he's perfect, but like, you know, if this would just change or if that would just change, then like things

But isn't there a saying or something that should you not change for someone you love, or should you change some stuff? Like what are you talking about?

Like is it I think it's about compatibility, Like I think in relationships, people are either compatible with each other or they're not.

So what for instance, So say like it's something that like it's an actual behavior that they do.

Or something that you just literally can't agree on, or like there's a part of your personalities that just don't mesh well, Like with my ex one of my exes, we would literally argue until like three in the morning

It was actually a really shit relationship.

But I just couldn't really see that because I was convincing myself that it was perfect if this wasn't in the relationship, or if that wasn't in the relationship.

So that's number one.

Number one.

The next one, it's better to be single than dating someone who isn't the one for the sake of being in a relationship.

I agree with that.

Have you ever dated someone just because you didn't want to be alone. I don't think I've ever been in a relationship with someone.

I was going to say a relationship, but.

I've definitely like dated people for longer just because I was lonely.

You want to go on dates with them and have sex with someone, Yeah, dude, I feel like I be now in the dating game for Asia. It's like some what people do.

Of course they do.

It's cruel.

Yes, I used to do that with being there.

True.

But what I'm saying is is like I feel like sometimes people get stuck into relationships just because they don't want to be alone. It's like the winter relationship, you know, people like get into a relationship.

In may or they're scared to leave.

Or they're scared to leave. Absolutely.

Next one, being agreeable so people like you never works. If someone disrespects you, set a boundary. If they're mean to you, do not ignore it.

True.

I think that's a big one.

I think like there's so many times, and I feel like as women as well, like there's so many times where you're just agreeable because you don't want to start conflict or you don't want to rock the boat.

Isn't there a like argument though, Like you've got to pick your fights. So, like imagine just some of the stuff that I just really people get angry about, Like why I pick a fight for it?

I don't think it's picking a fight.

I think if someone's blatantly disrespecting you, they're picking a fight, and you need to be like this isn't okay.

That would be a healthy relationship, respecting each other's boundaries.

Yeah exactly.

But it's like if it's a healthy relationship if someone's respecting your boundaries though, so you wouldn't have an argument that way.

So the point is is if someone's being mean to you, don't just ignore it just to be like agreeing with it.

I was talking about happy wife, happy life, so it was in like, I mean, if you get frustrated if someone leaves their clothes on the ground or something like that.

Different.

I think we're talking in this scenario about like if someone's being blatantly mean to you, don't ignore it if.

Someone's like, what happens if they're having an off day?

If someone's having an off day, like it's it's obviously acceptable for people to have off days. But you still never be the target of someone's like and I anger or frustration, and you can say that to them, like, it's not like I'm never like take things out on Michael.

But he won't accept it.

He'll be like, Babe, you'll be a bit mean and like, you know, talk me through it, and then we have a really healthy conversation and we move past it. You know, next one that I wish I knew sooner. I feel like this one is so important. Don't take rejection personally because ninety nine point nine percent of the people you date it won't work out with.

I learned, and I agree with that, I reckon. I learned that through modeling. You know, when you went overseas and you'd go to modeling castings. I remember Milan in London, Like, your agents would send you to a casting and you'd get rejected over and over again. Yeah, but then what made me understand it was it made me feel better was they're cattle calling, like they're sending you to different castings. But people, the people casting the brand and are looking,

I love this analogy. It does make sense.

And that's the thing is like, you can date someone and there's nothing wrong with you, but you, guys, just like when you meet the love of your life, there's sparks and there's feelings, and it's more than just you know, if you're a nice person or if you're good looking, it's more than that.

And I think that's what you need to remember. It's not personal.

And we've been on plenty of dates where they've just been flops and you haven't felt anything. And we're both now or you're married, I'm engaged because the first date was obviously amazing.

How God the first day? Okay, Matte, you're ready.

Always dating is like doing a research project. You begin to find the things that you love and you must have, the things that you're an absolute deal breaker, and the things that you're willing to compromise on. So the more dates you go on the more you kind of learn, and your research project continues and you get more pieces to the puzzle, until finally you're like, you know what, I thought that this was a must for me. I'm willing to compromise on it, but this person needs to make me last.

I see people post like tiktoks and then like, I've been on X amount of dates I've been doing this. I can't find the person. Take it as like you said, research and learning curves that you're learning from every single day, and you're taking something.

Away absolutely, and like, learn from each scenario, even if you go on the worst date of your life, what is the takeaway from it? Okay, next one, Enjoy the era of your life that you're in it. Don't wish any part away. So one of my friends was like, it's so amazing that you're getting married. I just want to get married now. It's like so fun. I've been planning my wedding even though I have a boyfriend. And I was like, you know what, I love that, and like, yeah,

It's been so fun. But also a lot.

Of people who are in relationships, Go, I wish I was single if single was so fun.

I loved being single.

And it's like each era that you're in is such a special time for its own different reasons, and like each era brings positives and negatives.

Right, It's like the grass is greener on the other Side's sort of analogy. It's not. It's just enjoy where you're at.

Like, if you're single right now, this could be the last time in your whole life that you're single, because tomorrow you could meet the love of your life and you will never be single again.

Just enjoy where you're at. Enjoy the moment, be present.

Okay, this one's a big one, and I started to do this a lot more in my mid twenties, and that is to listen to your gut always.

Yeah, women's intuition as well, but.

Yeah, women's intuition, but also that gut feeling which we all have. I feel like, if your gut feels drop and you feel stressed, and you have tummy pains and you just feel generally unwell, your body is screaming at you to run, listen to that feeling because your gut doesn't lie.

Oh yeah, I agree. You got to listen to your gut. Women's intubition, and no one knows you like you know yourself. So listen to what your inner thoughts are and take them on board.

So interestingly, Matt, I just looked up the science behind a gut feeling, and it says that your gut is lined with around five hundred million neurons. That's nearly five times more than in your spinal cord that makes up the electric nervous system, also called your second brain.

I don't think my gut is my brain, but I know what you're saying.

It's like a second brain. There's so many neurons in there.

Think about like feel like the energy or can feel like a gut feeling?

Yeah, it knows like when something's off you feel it in your guard.

It's not just.

Like that, like when you walk in somewhere and you're like, oh it feels.

A bit, feel a bit, or or if you talk to someone at like you know, let's just say someone at a supermarket and they give you a really bad vibe and your gut goes alert. Yeah, this is a dangerous person or this isn't a safe place for me, Like I don't want to be around this person.

Or say someone you even know, and you go, oh, I feel like you feel off.

Yeah, Okay. The next one is if someone is gonna cheat on you, they're gonna cheat, don't disrupt your own peace by trying to catch them out.

So when I was younger, I agree with that.

I literally would constantly check my boyfriend's phones or like if they would go to sleep, I would like wake up in the middle of the night and like go through their phones to see if I could find anything.

And I always would find something that would piss me.

Off or like, you know what would it be just something.

So it could be like, you know, a snapchat photo or like whatever it was. But anyway, I would literally not be at peace because I would be thinking about when I'm gonna look at their phone next, and I would be constantly like seeing things. For one relationship, I had my ex's Instagram and I would be like constantly refreshing it seeing if anyone messaged. My brain would just be so focused on all of that that I had no peace. I was constantly stressed and constantly looking for

And some people say that being possessive and all that sort of stuff even pushes people to do that.

Because they don't feel like they.

Have freedom, And yeah, I've heard that as well.

I think as well, like looking back on past relationships, when you think someone's cheating on you or you're trying to catch them out, it kind of corrupts your image of them because you don't have the trust. You're constantly like viewing them as like a threatening person or they're going to do something wrong, or you're looking for something.

Yeah, that's what I mean. You're twisting stuff they do to make it lack as if they are.

And then you're not communicating with them.

Also, another point because instead of directly communicating with them, you're kind of like sneakily trying to find out information instead of just talking to them and setting up boundaries so that those boundaries aren't crossed.

I totally agree with that.

Okay, next one, it's not what you fight about that kills a relationship, it's how you fight with your partner and how you recover.

I agree with this completely. Everything I see on TikTok, and that is relationships have conflict. Every relationship has arguments. I said before, when you have a guy and a girl meet each other, they're two different people one a guy and a girl. They're not going to see things

I don't agree on and you.

Don't agree on like that it's just you know what I mean, then that's a little bit different. But if it's something like fuck, I don't know, like they think that chocolate goes in the fridge or fucking you know what I mean, or ketchup goes into the pantry or something like that, Like, just don't argue about it. It's not worth arguing about. It's not worth a screaming match.

When I look back on past relationships, I definitely think that the way you argue with someone is super important, and the recovery is so important, Like you need to be able to recover within an hour, like depending on what it is, of course, but like if it's something that's not going to matter in five years time, you need to recover quickly because I think the longer you let fights go on, it kind of festers and it

Yeah, Lust is not love.

Lust is not love. Sex is not love.

I think it's like hard, especially when you're younger, like you get a.

Little weird, not confused, and it's.

Like you know, you have sex with the first like love of your life and you're like, oh my god, and love. But really, sex is not love and lust is not love. And I think love is something that grows over time. And I think you really need to know the person before you love them. And yes, we might feel those feelings of oh my god, I love you, but I don't think you can truly love someone until you know their morals, you know what they stand for, and if you mesh well as well.

I was thinking while you were saying that, like, well, when you're a young boy, like, it's definitely get those two mixed stuff. Yeah, it's a young twenty year old Rosston love. Yeah. Yeah, you think you love this girl, but she just really attracted to her.

Okay.

This one's kind of on the same level, and that is that you will get over heartbreak. I don't know about your first heartbreak, but mine was like horrendous. I was like, I'm never getting over this. And I think the message on my lessons that I learned before marriage is the first heartbreak, it's.

Only just the beginning of many, many more to come.

And does it get easier.

I think it does get easier because I think you remember that you got over the first one.

The first one is still hard. Was your first one hard?

Yeah? My first one was pretty rude.

My first one was I genuinely thought like my life was over. It's like, what is the point of being here anymore?

I remember sitting I remember standing at a train station with I forgot my umbrella, just in the rain, just standing there waiting for like six am. And cold drench and I were thinking, like, fuck my life on the lady Uni. But then again, like you look back and you're like.

Those are real feelings at the time, I.

Know, But you look back now and you're like they like you wouldn't think twice ouse person or anything like that, do you know what I mean? But like then in that moment, you were just so upset, yeah, and you were so gutted about something.

It is.

It's gut wrenching, yeah, And I remember it like the time my mum would be like, you'll get through this, You'll have so many more of these, and I was like, you don't get it, Mum, Like you you've never done this, blah blah blah. But they're right, and we probably sound like old parents right now saying this, but like you'll move on, You'll get over it, Yeah, you have to, and like life goes on.

The thing is is like if you think your first love was amazing, you're just going to have so many more amazing loves in your life.

So it's like, although it's hard, it's hard at the time.

Like it feels like it's the end of the world.

It does feel like it's the end of the world.

But it's such an exciting time because there's gonna be so many more fun experiences coming your way.

And then like now you don't even think about it.

Okay, this one's a big one.

In relationships, your words can be forgiven, but definitely not forgotten. Be careful about the words you use with your partner.

I learned that in a couple of my previous ex relationship me too, I learned that, like, you can't unsay things, and.

You can't unsay things, and once you say something hectic, yeah.

You can't unsay it. I now inn arguments and that will like or if something like I won't say stuff because I know that you can't unsay what you've said.

I agree with one of my exes where you used to literally say the meanest things to each other, Like he would be really mean to me, and then I would give it straight back to him, and it's like you get to a point where like you don't even like that person anymore because you're just like you're like, you literally must think this about me, because when we're in arguments, you say the most horrible things, and it's like there must.

Be a part of you that believes this.

You know.

Yeah, So there's a there's a lot of power in just being quiet sometimes and not saying what comes straight to your mind. And I found that now that like you just take five minutes to gather your thoughts and come back with a clean, fresh mind.

That's literally like Michael to a teat, Like if I start getting upset and like heated, he just walks away.

He's like, I'm going for a walk. This situation needs to calm down.

I'm not like engaging, and it's like the best thing for us because then I get like relaxed and I'm like, oh, I love it.

Where is he I want to kiss? Okay, this one that.

We've just woke about leads me into my next one, which I think is really interesting because I don't know if I've heard.

A lot of people talk about this.

Before, but you can love someone so much, but you can also not like that person. And I think they not liking the person comes with when they're really mean to you or you're mean to each other, and it creates this kind of like almost hatred towards each other, resent and resentment. Like you can literally be so head over heels in love, but you can also hate the person they are to you, And I think, like that's the worst type of relationship to get into because you just you.

Don't want to hate your partner.

And I've definitely been in scenarios where I've been in love and we've stayed together, but I've hated the person they.

Are ya, So what advice you have for someone that's in that position?

I think just be careful with your words and respect each other, which was the other two points.

It's like without the respect, the relationship's done.

And when you start saying like really malicious things to each other to hurt each other, like you can't undo that. And I think like, unfortunately, the more trauma the relationship has, like the more it's like doomed essentially, And like I think you need to really start getting into good habits with like you know, not engaging in like heated arguments and walking away and like having really positive, constructive conversations when things are tough, because things are gonna be tough.

I agree with that.

Yeah, Like, that's not saying that you have a bad sex life. We absolutely want everyone to have the best sex life.

But you have better sex if you're emotionally touched to someone, an emotional.

And I mean it just goes back again to like the respect and the trust and all of that kind of lead to having the most incredible emotional intimacy. And if you're having if you have good emotional intimacy, then you have better sex.

It's just a.

Little water full of things that all seem to connect. Okay, next, if someone is interested, you will know about it.

You won't have to question it.

I agree with that.

So if you ever had friends on dates and they're just like, yeah, I don't really know if he likes me, Like he hasn't really messaged me, he doesn't, well.

Maybe he's playing games, but I fucking hate games. We're too old for games.

But then it's like if you, like, if you've gone on a few dates with someone, like if you're on three dates and someone's still playing games.

With you, people do people do?

Yeah, that's so fucking weird.

But like, if someone like truly likes you and you're like heading towards a relationship, you're going to know about it.

But then again, I remember I went on a bunch of dates with this girl years ago and I didn't kiss her, and I think she was thinking like what the hell? But like the opportunity just didn't come up. Yeah, I was like twenty one, and I just didn't know, like what inreciate that?

But if you liked her, you would have still been messaging her, yeah.

And your own dates. But I think she even says something like what the fuck? But like I just didn't The opportunity just wasn't there.

But then again, like, yeah, I completely get where you're coming from in that respect, But then I think where I am seeing it as like if someone's not messaging you and not asking you out on dates and you're the one who's going, hey, should we go on a date or you're the one that's always messaging first. It's more like read the room basically, and like if if someone likes you, you're going to hear from them. You're gonna they're gonna set up dates, They're going to make

I agree, fuck being imagined being there again.

Okay.

If your partner is your best friend, the grass is greener where you water it.

You've said this so many times that and I think.

It's so important, like the whole, Like the grass is greener where you water. It is true when you found like the love of your life, your best friend and someone who you can potentially imagine forever with. Where it's not true is where it's toxic or there's you know, emotional abuse or anything like that. So I think the grass is greener where you water it if it's the love of your life and best friend.

I agree.

Okay, last one, can you believe.

It Anna's lessons that she has learnt from her What would you call it?

My lovely dating life?

Another word extraordinary tromulsionous, tumultuous, love life, dating life hectic.

I feel like our podcast is just me constantly correcting your words.

Yeah, just I don't just can't speak properly, can I Who would have thought might have a podcast?

Then okay.

The final one is if your friends and family don't like your partner, it's for a reason. It's not an ulterior motive. They love you and want what's best for you. It's because they see things that you can't because you're wearing the rose colored glasses.

I agree with that. I've been with partners in the past and my family and friends haven't liked them, and I was like, I don't get it, blah blah blah. And once you take away and you move away from the relationship, then you can see what they're talking about.

Because the thing is, if you truly, like take a second to think about it, your family and friends want you to be at your happiest right. They want you to be with the love of your life, and they just want what's best for you. So if they have an opinion like I don't know if that person's right for you, I don't know if they're making you happy.

Although it's hard to hear.

There has to be a part of you that when it's all of your friends and all of your family, you need to actually take a second to go, hold on a second, what's going on? What's going on? My family and friends love me? Why are they're saying this? And really analyze that.

Yeah, that's a good point. I've been in previous relationships where I haven't listened, and that's something you should probably do.

And also, thank you so much to my mum and dad for making it clear who they didn't like all the people that I dated, because now I'm marrying beautiful Michael, the love of my life. So look, that is all of the lessons that I've learned through dating.

I hope that's going to be helpful for you, guys.

I hope that someone will learn something or maybe think about something a little bit more than they have.

And on that though, people shouldn't be afraid to make those mistakes as well. That's how you learn.

As I said, dating is a research project and should be looked at like that.

Okay, guys, that's all we have time for.

We are still away, but we will be back next week with another fun episode that we have in the bank. For you, so until next time, Bye bye,