What does estrangement actually look like before it happens? In this deeply personal episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp does something she has never done before — she opens up about her own estrangement, inviting her daughter Brianna to join her for a candid, unfiltered conversation about the years that led up to Bri walking away from their family. This is Part One of a three-part series. Together, Janet and Bri go back to the very beginning — tracing the roots of their disconnect through childhood, a...
Apr 26, 2026•32 min
In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away , you’ll walk through one of the most fragile and hopeful moments in estrangement: when your adult child reaches out. Whether it’s a short text, a knock on your door, or a message passed through a family member, Dr. Janet Steinkamp helps you see this tiny gesture for what it really is—a careful test of safety. You’ll learn why urgency is not your friend in these early days and how to slow yourself down so you don’t accidentally overwhelm your ...
Apr 12, 2026•37 min
In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away , you’ll explore what comes after the slog through the first three swirling stages of grief. After the shock, anger, and despair have swirled for a while, you're likely to find yourself so exhausted that you're ready to move out of the darkest days. Dr. Janet walks with you through the courageous decision to move from the dark abyss of pain, resentment and heartbreak into a place where you acknowledge the facts of the situation and choose to m...
Mar 29, 2026•26 min
In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away , Dr. Steinkamp takes a gentle but honest look at one of the most painful aspects of estrangement: the deep sting of rejection. When our adult child pulls away - slowly or suddenly - it can turn daily life upside down. The decision to step away can shake a parent’s identity, confidence, and every memory about the relationship. No matter where an estranged relationship with your adult child sits on the Continuum of Estrangement , the pain and c...
Mar 15, 2026•26 min
It’s natural to feel compelled to reach out to fix things at every level of estrangement. We’ve been taught to pursue, talk, challenge, and perhaps even expect certain aspects of a relationship with our adult child. You want closeness, but every “fix it” attempt seems to push your adult child farther away. The tension escalates, accusations worsen, and hurtful words or actions become more personal. It makes no sense, and the confusion turns to helplessness. Well-intentioned friends, family, and ...
Feb 17, 2026•25 min
Being a strong and steady father to an adult child and a grounded grandfather to their children matters deeply, especially in families experiencing tension or any level of estrangement. The importance isn’t about control or authority, it’s about regulations, emotional safety and continuity across generations. In this episode, you’ll better appreciate the challenges and importance of recognizing boundaries. This is the first step toward respectfully engaging with grandchildren when you and their ...
Jan 31, 2026•19 min
When someone is living with any degree of estrangement, it can feel as though everything they once believed to be true about the relationship has shifted, including their faith. In this episode, Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores how estrangement from an adult child can unsettle long-held beliefs and erode spiritual confidence. Practices that once offered comfort, such as prayer, meditation, or worship, may feel hollow or met with painful silence. A person may feel grounded one day and shaken the next...
Jan 18, 2026•12 min
The days of straightforward expectations about how moms transition from being a child's mom to mom to an adult child, and finally, from mom to a grandparent, are long gone. The challenge of understanding our adult children's expectations is real. More and more often, moms tell me that as their adult children became independent, they thought they knew how to relate to and communicate with them effectively. They thought they were doing things and interacting with their adult children and grandchil...
Jan 12, 2026•41 min
The winter holidays can shine a harsh spotlight on your estrangement, can’t they? While everyone else seems to be posting perfect family photos, you’re left wondering how to get through the season when your family table isn’t complete. In this episode, Stillness, Space , and Grace, I'll walk you through the emotional landmines of “high-risk days” such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other meaningful holidays. We’ll explore why the holidays intensify grief for parents of estranged adults, what si...
Dec 21, 2025•38 min
You’re not crazy for wanting answers—you’re human. It's human nature to want to know how and why things happen. In estrangement, too often the answers don't come, and we are challenged to find closure amid ambiguity. In this episode, I'll walk you through the unrest of not knowing in parent–adult-child estrangement. You’ll hear why many adult children don’t offer explanations (overwhelm, failed attempts to be heard, self-protection, different views of obligation, and shame/guilt). When we're sub...
Dec 07, 2025•27 min
The winter holidays can turn a soft ache into a sharp pain when you’re estranged from your adult child. That can be true of any holiday. We're so glad you stopped by to listen and learn with me on the When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast. In this episode, you’ll learn why the winter holiday season feels so intense in the face of estrangement. When Tradition Meets Transition: 6 ways to Maintain the Meaning of Holidays By the end of this episode, you'll know why holidays matter and how import...
Nov 24, 2025•25 min
When the phone stops ringing and your texts go unanswered, the quiet can feel unbearable. In “Surviving the Silence,” Dr. Janet Steinkamp walks you through how to use this season with purpose so you don’t ruminate and drive yourself to distraction through catastrophizing. You’ll learn eight practical strategies: anchoring in reality (from a 360° view), managing the spiral of rumination, practicing radical acceptance, rebuilding an identity beyond parenting, regulating emotions when you’re trigge...
Nov 16, 2025•46 min
Hi Listeners, Welcome to this safe, judgment-free space to find support, explore new perspectives, and better understand your estrangement circumstances. Regardless of where your relationship sits on the Continuum of Estrangement, you'll find encouragement and reassurance. If you’ve ever wondered how to move between being a mom to your adult child and a grandma to their children—especially when estrangement or tension is involved—this episode is for you. I'm Dr. Janet Steinkamp, and in this epis...
Nov 02, 2025•13 min
Learn about navigating “Gatekeepers” without triggering coercive abuse and further estrangement. In this deeper dive on coercive control, you’ll learn how to keep the light on for your adult child when a partner is acting as a gatekeeper. Dr. Janet shows you how to stay calm under pressure, send short and safe messages that won’t be weaponized, choose lower-risk communication channels, and avoid feeding the power dynamic. You’ll get word-for-word response ideas (“respond, don’t react”), ways to ...
Oct 19, 2025•34 min
You’ll peel back the second layer of the coercive-control “onion” and learn seven concrete ways control shows up: isolation, monitoring and surveillance, degradation and humiliation, control over everyday life, gaslighting, threats and intimidation, and rules with punishments. You’ll hear real-life examples (from “just preferences” to silent treatments) and why these patterns so often lead to estrangement. Most importantly, you’ll get calm, practical guidance on what you can do right now—how to ...
Oct 05, 2025•32 min
In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away , Dr. Janet Steinkamp helps you peel back the first layer of the topic of coercive control. If you’ve noticed your estranged adult child suddenly changing their identity, distancing from family, or echoing words that don’t sound like their own, you may be witnessing coercive influence at work. You’ll learn what coercive control looks like and why it is so pervasive in parental estrangement, why it’s so hard to detect, and the seven key warning...
Sep 21, 2025•12 min
Jealousy is a natural emotion, and still, it can complicate an already painful estrangement. In this thoughtful episode, Dr. Janet helps parents and adult children understand the role jealousy plays in their strained or fractured relationships. Parents, you’re not alone in this. Estranged adult children also tell us they experience jealousy. But the experience for parents and adult children is different. What does jealousy have to do with estrangement? And pointedly, how can jealousy hinder our ...
Sep 07, 2025•28 min
Estrangement is often painful, disorienting and frustrating. Even the most well-intended parents can unknowingly make things worse. In this episode, I explore the six common mistakes I see parents make when struggling to reconnect. The ways we communicate, such as blaming, shaming, guilt-tripping, and insulting, push our adult children further away. It's easy to fall into rounds of tit-for-tat communication or send a heartfelt apology letter that lands flat or is ignored. This episode offers ins...
Aug 31, 2025•23 min
In estrangement, power, influence, coercive control, and gaslighting aren’t just words—they’re underlying dynamics shaping every conversation, every accusation, and every attempt to communicate. Sometimes emotionally charged dynamics are fueled by our communication style, sometimes by our adult child's, and sometimes by someone else entirely. Enter the concept of coercive control and the cult-of-one dynamic. In this episode, we begin to explore these dynamics, uncover the difference between powe...
Aug 24, 2025•24 min
Join me as I walk you through the challenges and some solutions when you need to respond to invitations scheduled on or related to high-risk days. So often, these events include your adult child. So what then?! How do our adult children decide whether to attend family events, annual festivities where you'll be present, etc? In this episode, I provide a decision-making process to help you choose whether to attend high-risk social events. What happens when a social invitation coincides with a high...
Aug 17, 2025•22 min
When estrangement is part of your life, even small talk can feel fraught. In this episode, I help parents prepare and practice responses for when people — from close friends to casual acquaintances — ask about their adult children or grandchildren. Practice, practice, practice. Thoughtful, intentional responses to questions about our estrangement circumstances can preserve privacy, reduce gossip, and keep the door open for future reconciliation. By responding with positivity, honesty and gratitu...
Aug 10, 2025•12 min
Hi and welcome to the WOACWA podcast. I want to invite you to rethink the dynamics of parenting adult children through the lens of yin and yang—balancing empathy with wisdom, flexibility with boundaries. In this episode, we explore how excessive permissiveness or parenting grounded in control can harm our relationships, in particular, our relationships with our adult children. We explore strategies for communicating and setting healthy boundaries with your adult children without alienating them....
Aug 10, 2025•28 min
Do they think about us? Do they miss us? What are they doing on this particular day or during this time of year? So often, we imagine that they've forgotten us, put our family in a box on a shelf. We worry that they've moved on without us, never to wonder about us again. In this episode, I offer insight into how emotionally charged, high-risk days —such as holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries, differ for estranged parents and adult children. Together, we explore how this understanding can fost...
Jul 20, 2025•17 min
If you’re an estranged parent working with a therapist—or thinking about it—this episode is a must-listen. In this episode, I walk listeners through five common mistakes therapists make when working with us, the estranged parents. From unfair blame to giving advice, therapists who are not familiar with familial estrangement may actually worsen the situation. I offer insights to help you recognize red flags and get the most beneficial and effective therapeutic services to assist you in navigating...
Jul 13, 2025•13 min
This episode is especially for our dads experiencing some degree of estrangement from their adult child. Father’s Day is coming up—and if you're an estranged father, you know this day can land like a punch to the gut. Whether you're sitting in silence, hoping for a message that may never come, missing the traditions of the past or wondering if reaching out is the right move… this episode is for you. Let’s talk about what makes Father’s Day so hard for estranged dads—and how you can take care of ...
Jun 10, 2025•19 min
Are you a dad of an estranged adult child wondering, "How did things get this far?" —you’re not alone. In this short but eye-opening episode, we unpack the real reasons many adult children choose to step away from their fathers. From unresolved childhood pain to emotional disconnect, this conversation sheds light on the deeper issues that often go unspoken. We’ll also talk about how traditional views of fatherhood and masculinity can unintentionally block healing - and why some common fatherly r...
May 20, 2025•19 min
What’s the difference between an apology, accountability, and making amends? Why does it matter so much to your adult child when you're estranged from them? I can't seem to get it right! In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away , Dr. Janet Steinkamp unpacks the emotional and practical power of these three crucial tools. You'll learn: ✔️ Why simple apologies often fall short ✔️ How to take meaningful accountability without excuses ✔️ What makes amends letters work—or fail ✔️ Why consi...
May 13, 2025•22 min
This episode is a follow-up to our Mother's Day conversation—and it's all about what to do next . If you’ve been blamed, shut out, or accused of things that hurt to hear… this one’s for you. We’ll walk through how moms can start rebuilding trust when a relationship with their adult child is fractured or strained, especially when they're not sure how to begin. Each point helps build a roadmap to reestablish communication channels, listen actively, and build a truth-based relationship. Learn how t...
May 11, 2025•24 min
Premier Content - Subscriber-only Episode Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly. This one’s tough—there’s no getting around it. And! It is a new and growing element of conversations related to estrangement. There was a time when incest was all-inclusive - physical, mental, emotional, etc. The times have changed. Around 2002, the mental health world began to recognize emotional incest as its own a...
May 04, 2025•12 min
Some days are more difficult than others. Some days shine a spotlight on our estrangement grief - the silence and loneliness. These are high-risk days. On high-risk days, the silence can be deafening. High-risk days trigger more intense feelings. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and other important days can be reminders of your estranged adult child. These are what we refer to as high-risk days. High-risk days often reopen emotional wounds and bring the pain and dejection of parental estrange...
Apr 27, 2025•15 min
