All Okay. Here's the intro. Yeah. You know, we are so fortunate here at what we thought would happen to welcome a very good friend of mine, one of the funniest people I've ever met and am lucky to know. He dropped out of high school to study, build a craft with George Santos. Here he is, co-creator, writer of The Minor Accomplishment of Jackie Woodman. So many other things we can't even mention. Please welcome Dave. Punch in front. Of a. Light. You're the set.
You're the second Bostonian we've had on here. And I'm not going to say Bostonians. That's too fancy for Boston. Yes. Dave is There can be only one Dave punch. No, it was Ken read it and he wasn't. I have so few friends. We have to go out of town to get this done. But Pottery and Garrett and Garrett, the only friend is me, which is really sad. So, Dave Punch, I've asked. And I. I've been. I've. If they were drunk and couldn't
get out of bed. Hey, darling, I've been asking our best, all our guests about high school, what it was like for them, also, I forgot what high school you went to. Great. Okay. Mm hmm. Oh, And like, they would have Mm hmm. But we're talking about upstate New York, right? Mm hmm. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Like western New York? Sure. Just football. did you have I mean, that was. That was the town over, So. Yeah, that was. That was exactly what my life was like.
And skateboarding in a town that's, you know, everything shuts down when that when there's a game on Friday night just I got beat up cause like if I still, if I hear a diesel engine or a mustang 5.0 the nearest bush. Yeah. Yeah. They know what to do. All right. It sounds like skateboarding was like. Yeah. Skateboarding. Was this a code word for beat the shit out of somebody? And then also, I have to read to, you know, a bunch of other problems, and it was almost like I was asking for it.
You really know, I'm done. It looks fun. I mean, that's really all it came down to that looked fun. And then once I started getting into it, then there's a lot of older kids that skated and there was a lot of like black and Mexican kids that skated, which I thought was really cool because everything else was sort of like football was so, I mean, of course those black Mexicans played football, but it was such kind of a white dominated town that it was boring.
So I just, you know, it was just something different and I look fun. But what about baseball? I thought you were really good. But I play baseball. But I fucking hate. Like, once I started playing, I played. It was fun until, like, I started playing all stars and having to travel and then having other people's dads yell at me and like high school. I just was like, I'm done with it. So I quit. My dad used to umpire our little league games in his court because he was a the system. Oh, I was.
I was, you know, actually I remembered there was one sport that I didn't get kicked out over asked not to come back to, and that was field hockey. I think that's white trash. Lacrosse. I've never gotten a great. Amazing. I really liked it. It was something we could do that or tennis, you know, in gym class. And then I couldn't hit anything. So I decided to hit other girls in the kneecaps. And and I loved it on the field. I fucking I really had fun. And we all had fun.
I feel like we laughed a lot. Like, rolling around, holding your Yeah, yeah. It wasn't very professional, you know? It was just it was part of a, you know, the curriculum really. You could choose and so I loved it. I really it was at one time I felt like I, didn't get picked last. It was great. Oh, gee. At least at least I think it helped me to, you know, hold grudges later on. If that's a character builder, I don't know. I was able to stack up my enemies, you know, And.
You're still ranking in the in The Grudge. And Thank you so much. I know. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I just want, you know, when I'm talking to writers, artists, comics, you know, like yourself, with some people, it starts, you know, when they're kid, they know really early.
But I feel like where you find out how things are going to be is in like junior high and that and then then you can decide like, oh, yeah, I think because I'm invited in to click, because I'm not invited into any click and I'm unpopular, I'll probably do this yeah, it's, it's basically just an uninspired boilerplate bullshit question. Fuck you, fuck you. Ha ha ha ha. Hmm. You know, and like. I'm not going to make it. Mhm. Mhm. No. Mhm. Yeah.
Yeah. But Dave, I'm constantly quoting you you know, lines from minor accomplishments. And I'm always talking about how much I miss you because of course you're on the East coast and you're brilliant, but one of the things I always quote was when do you remember when were at the rustic and a mutual friend of ours was going on about the latest like Playboy bunny. He was with and whatever.
And I remember we were all like a few beers in and then you just turned to him and said, Your hole is full of stories. Ha ha ha ha ha. Uh huh. Yeah. And that and because of you, I made all these t shirts because he was saying, Oh, this girl's the one, there's always someone who was too young also. And. But. No, no, she, she she's smart, too. She has a, you know, a 3.0 and but in college where. And then he and then you said, oh, is this anonymous what number. 256.
So I made all these t shirts anonymous twat number 256, which I still wear. How did you two meet? I, I Please do. Mm. Uh, nice. Uh huh. Oh, Uh uh. Dave, you started with such a low bar. I can't believe it. But go on to me to meet me. I actually. I met her in a bar. Oh, yeah? Yeah, a low bar. That's. Oh, my God. Rustic. Yeah. Oh, Recipes. Oh. Mm hmm. Wow. I do. Yeah. Mm hmm. Yeah, It was really funny. Dang. Do you remember any of that, Yes, I.
Do. And I just remember thinking, like, how funny you were and smart. I felt like we met on the street out here. wood Coffee? No, we were both in rehab, and I couldn't afford it, and I. You got to dry out and I didn't know we were both. We, Know, we were at the at the coffee shop in Beachwood, I think when we met. Yeah. Spoon. I didn't know the. I didn't know that you could. You could break the brick before you inserted it. I mean while my asshole lapsed or. And whatever, so.
No, no. But then, yeah, that's what I meant. Prolapsed. I said lapsed. But anyway, yes, I do remember. And I. But the thing was, I remember thinking, here's somebody, I mean, I didn't like writing with people I think hadn't had a good experience with it, that's for sure. Because I was on SNL and that was miserable. So then I thought, Oh, I hope I can write with this guy.
And then when I found out how funny you are that this is a dream, if there's somebody that, have a great time writing with and this is going to be really sentimental. But I still think about when we were writing just in here at the house like that, we would look at each other crying, laughing, and it's just like that rarely happens. I never, like, laugh that hard, except with you. Yeah, I think we're in this. We're in the same place. I'm just taking the long way around. I did an extra.
I did an extra three blocks, But here we are because I got lost. way out. actually in commemoration of it all. We should be doing whippets right now from whipped cream cans. Oh. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Everyone's got. Come on, ladies. Go ahead. I'm a dartboard. Just come at me. Uh, and by the way, and by the way, people listening. Talking about how you're allergic to pussy. Dave Punch looks like a young Paul Newman. He has beautiful blue eyes. He's got. He's a blond. You like Paul Newman?
He and my father. But my father was not good looking. But yeah, Yeah. it's. It's insane that you're not a. Yeah, my mom is really pretty. So I think that it doesn't fit here is that you didn't get laid because you're incredibly handsome. It's because you were shy, right? Really? You don't use that at a party because. right. Yeah, I was trying to lose my virginity in high school. thought it would just, like, fall out and then I would find it again. Know I was trying to. I know.
How do you lose it? I've lost everything else but that that seems to be attached to me somehow. So, no, I. I remember going to the prom with my friend's younger brother, and I had to get him to go with me by because he was underage. I had my mom buy me a case of Blatz to give them. And then I said something like when we were in the car alone, when everybody else was out drinking, just just outside the car, I said, like, hey, it it doesn't have to be special. Let's let's take my virginity.
And he he didn't want to. And then I was at a bar later, like 18, like my summer of my 18th birthday or something. And I met this guy from high school's cousin who was Canadian. And I thought, Oh, yeah, exactly. I thought, ooh, he knows how to do it. He's French, but he was French Canadian. like Pepe Le Pew. He knows how to do. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, he always, Yeah he was and I thought God if Pepe le you can't kit overtake me when I'm giving it up. No, I don't know.
I just thought he's French. That's sexy anyway. And he was sexy and his name was Andre. And so anyway, in, my first year I went to Fredonia College, and it was parents weekend. I didn't tell my mother. And he came in and took my virginity Wait, can I ask you a yeah, it was a monkey. I was trying to get in my front ear. So sweet. Dave. No, no. Yeah. I really thought, like, you know, I was just really curious. Everybody I know knew had already had sex.
My best friend met, you know, she had sex at, like, 16. Everybody had lost their virginity except me. My mom lost hers over and over. And I just wanted like, where I grew up now in the same house. And I just was like, oh, my God, I can't. I just was really curious. Dave, how'd you lose your virginity? I have you. In. Yeah. Yeah. Well, how did it come about? Uh. Wow. That. That's closed for big girls, right? No, I feel like it's going to happen in the tub of Violets gone. Oh. My.
Hey, but. But you came. And that's the most important thing. I, Who's your favorite guest star on Jackie Wilma. The mitochondria were many. there's no way to say favorite. How about can we just brag about first of all Mary Kay Place played my mother and she was amazing. And a movie called Diane. Which is incredible. Have you seen that? Dave Oh, it's so incredible. We went to see it. We saw a premiere. Um, it's about this woman who kind of takes care of everyone and her life.
But we dated, you know, upstate New York. Yeah, I'll let. Yeah. And we can't say what happens. Oh, I. Know. Hmm. Careful. I don't know what. Oh, amazing. Hmm. Yeah, he was brilliant. I was thinking Orson Bean, who was incredible and a great dancer. And also, I think because it was somebody I always wanted to meet. Ray Wise might be. Yeah. Brilliant. Yeah. Mm hmm. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And. Yeah. Whoops. you up. Hmm. Oh, no. And I always have to know. Oh, I guess. Lena, I heard.
Yeah. That Lena Dunham, like the show? Oh, yeah, Maybe he did out. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, maybe a while ago, but I always feel like with me, I'll mention it anyway. Like, if you asked me my name, I'll say I've had a brain aneurysm, and I'll say. And also, I worked on this show called The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman. It's on Amazon. I don't know. I think I at my high point, I'm going to say in the mid aughts.
Maybe. That was the watermark. Yeah. Yeah I, I used to get, you know, a little bit before that I suppose. I got letters from prisoners and that they all ended with I'll be out and then they'd say when they'll be out like I was in for a crime he didn't commit. I'll be out maybe in June or. Okay. But no, but you know, I took that honestly, I took that as a compliment because, you know, people people have to I think you have to kind of agree on what you're going to watch who if you're Incarcerated.
Yeah. And the stabbings that took place. Well, you know, I think it was probably me or Sally Jessy Raphael. And they said, well, maybe we'll at least laugh a little bit more with Laura. Yeah. Mm. That's. Oh, you know, Jean Tripplehorn gave me a huge compliment. She just said I love your show. I feel like it's one of the few shows that's made me laugh. And I hope there are more episodes because I said we'd just finished the second season, I think. And I said, Well, I don't think there will be.
But she was really, really I was stunned because that that was my moment. That was kind of like, I guess, my Paul Dooley moment when Mary Kay was introducing us and she said, Oh, I know you, I love your show. That was a minor comedy, Fernwood Tonight, Fernwood Tonight and yeah, yeah, I think they were both at the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. but yeah. Oh, well, you know what, Dave? No, it was. Well, first of all, and I was also a huge fan of Big Love.
And so I thought in my mind we both dropped everything off at her. We found her address and dropped it off. Oh, my God. What's the. Phone number? So that I'm shocked by that, that we. That we didn't say, Will you please do this? And who we were good and mighty. I mean, the thing is, is like, I feel like everybody knows when you get a pig's heart in the mail. Like care, for Christ's sake. Yeah. Good God almighty. Yeah. What was yours? Writing, schedule or routine?
What would you do to write, drink? Ha ha. Ha. Yeah. Right. Mm hmm. Mm. Yeah. I think it's. Yeah. Mm. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well. Oh, yeah, yeah. it was, it was a huge thing that we wrote everything ourselves. We wrote 16 episodes, just the two of us. We got great reviews, especially on the writing. And then IFC got a new programing person who decided it wasn't worth going on, even though we got great reviews and blah, blah, blah, blah. Right? And I remember.
we but we were also told that the, said that they have spent all their money on Chris Clayton's Bollywood show, and that's why they had no money for us. And they never had no money for us in the beginning because we were doing it for 250,000 an episode and everybody was wearing my clothes right? Oh, yeah. I would say that, yeah. Yeah. It was. It was Big star. Oh, yeah. And to me. I'll say this, and it's not just because I'm fucking both of you all, but it was when it was out. I just.
I couldn't fucking believe how good it was, how funny what it had. Laughs like 30 Rock. Yeah. Every few seconds. And then the weirdness of it, I think, is really what drew me in. Just like the strangeness of it. It was so perfect. And then, yeah, once the show was canceled, IFC had a couple of other shows that were fucking dog shit, and I was like, Why don't they just bring back my accomplishment? I think the peyote episode where you played trumpet was one of my favorite things.
In face Baseball card license. Mm hmm. Okay. Mm hmm. I never get notice, Dave. In fact, I have it. All right, All right. I'm sorry. Mm. I know, I know. But you chose not to. You decided to go off and write like a real artist in the woods of Maine. Massachusetts. I know. I like to say Maine, though, because it makes me think
she. I remember there are times where people recognize her, but I remember her telling me that when Mulholland Drive came out, Asian people used to think that she was Laura Herring. And I remember seeing the trailer for Ball and Drive and thinking it was Laura, And we were at, used for Bobcats movies. Oh, it was the documentary about, It was, yeah. Yeah. And we're walking out in this, middle age Asian man comes up, he's like, Oh, it's so great to see you.
Like, you know, I'm a huge fan, and you're. Like, Oh, thank you so much. And he was like, Yeah, yeah. It's just a natural. Look at this. It's it's so amazing. And he thought you were hearing us like, only shit. you know, it's funny, I go Oh. Oh, my God. That was conspiracy theorists. He never died. Oh, God. Oh, no. Yeah, No, I remember, like, during like, during the show, I was Gelson's, and this, small woman was like kind of looking up at me. And, and I finally looked over and whatever.
I thought she recognized me. And she said, you know, excuse me? And I said, Yeah. And she said, Can you reach that can for me? She just wanted me to reach something that she couldn't reach. Am I a jerk? And who should I reach this to? Well, this is this is crazy. You know what we have to do? I feel like we have to do a regular East Coast segment because I will never get I'll never tire of talking today. We're going to have to fit this in. Oh, sure. Wow. Amazing show.
So what kind of magic is like when you get hosed down or. No, it's not a memory foam, is it? Okay, good. That's so good. That's really good. You don't ever want any mattress to remember what you've done. That's so good for today. Good Lord. Good Lord. Oh. Oh, Well, I like to thank everyone I love you. We love you. And hopefully a season three of Jackie would. Yeah, I think the. Script is written. And there are so many places that it could really go. Things have been.
And still and still nobody would see it, but still there's a there's got to be a place where it's somewhere. I know. I honestly, I. Yeah I that's very much that would be kind of like a reality TV hybrid hybrid it's more it's bullshit meets. But with more balls coming. At. It in there those dogs know. Oh my God. Plugging Gary, would you tell the story about your friend growing up? About his dad. Oh, okay. This and then we will in the episode. If this works, I might cut it out.
But when I was a kid, my neighbors played tennis and I was, you know, my mom really wanted me to play tennis. It was fine. Whatever, anyhow, is at their house. And but there were two boys, two brothers, and they were fucking crazy. And I love them, but we went to go play tennis and we came back to the house and I was waiting in the kitchen for my mom to pick me up. And my friend's mom was standing in the kitchen at the island. There's a There's a skylight above her.
And she still has her tennis visor on. Her tennis outfit on. She's drinking a glass of white wine. and the dad comes home, walks in, you know, just got off work, and they're talking. And all of a sudden I hear like a scream. The dad said, He goes. I didn't want to tell you boys about kicking each other in the nuts. And he like, goes, And the mom just sits there drinking the glass, just just stone cold. Just, you know, her eyes are like, not even focused.
And the thing was, was I just moved into town from out in the country. We lived out of town, so we moved into town and I was like I was like, literally dumped and had a hound dog follow me everywhere. I had no idea. You were Huckleberry Finn. Was like, That was like, I was like, You guys, like, dig holes in the road. We have video games. Like, what the fuck is a video game? Yeah, why the fuck not? But that.
Yeah, they had video games, you know, So they were like, Hey, we're going to go to we're going to go to these this kid's house. They're like, Hey, do you have shin guards? And I was like, I think so. And they're like, okay, well, you can borrow some online. The game was when you went over there, someone would say four and you would have to put your shin up like, like your ankle to your knee, one ankle to one knee. In the shape of, a four. A four because they would kick.
And the thing was you couldn't bend your leg. When you kick butt, they would kick like straight up like a you know, like a Nazi marching. And if you put your leg on a floor, you wouldn't get kicked in the nuts. That was the game. And so when when I was there, I guess, brother, which I can't say his name, the older brother got the Yeah, yeah. Got the younger brother on for when he wasn't expecting it. Yeah. Yeah. But just like those kind of ones I was drawn to like I. Would just dad saying it.
Was it like, it's like, it's like, oh why is there a police car in front of their house? And it's like, oh, was it for anything the parents is like because of something the kid did. But also just that it was such a routine. What and I like he's had to tell them more than once. What to do, like kicking each other. Yeah. You just got home from work, from a shitty job. Like, just travel, huh? Hooray for Harley. What is not kicking javelin? There are other ways to get blue balls, gentlemen.
Oh, God almighty. Oh, my God. There's had a run. The truck. God, Dave, you're still invited over to sleepovers. Talk about repressed. Yeah. Kelly. We're about the Anyway, Okay, we're going to do minor accomplishments again, but we'll call it something else. One last stab. Let's keep trying for no reason, go fuck yourself. Yeah. Bye bye, honey. Let us. Right. We're better than most. yeah. Thank you for coming on. The show is there for coming. One I would like what we're missing.
We're missing Daniel. Yeah, and we're doing that. We do. We have to do this. We're doing the East Coast segment from now on. So you. I will be. I mean, I think like, I feel like if we're the guestroom, I feel like that like so many friendships are utilitarian out here. This is like our friendship going on over performing, you know, kind of thing. that would say like the. World is, like hanging out. I know. I love it to it is I ayahuasca. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that'll be fun.
Valhalla. Oh, love you, David. DAVID Okay, so, well, hopefully we're going to season and thank you for joining us. Are you? Yeah, it's true. You're right. Peggy. Thank you. For that. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. They did it wrong. Yeah. I said okay, I'm leaving town. And I put in a big fight.