Trying To Conceive

pretty straightforward. Have lots of unprotected sex, get pregnant? But then you enter baby making mode, and all of a sudden you hear that there are books devoted to getting pregnant, I have one, websites and message boards, ditto, even an acronym for couples trying to conceive t TC. Sure you've been having sex for years, and you've probably gotten pretty good at it it, But now you may be wondering, does baby making sex have to be all that different from just for fun sex? Can you just keep doing

it whenever wherever? Does position matter, timing, your choice of lubricants and his choice of underwear? Or is it just as easy as pulling the plug on protection and getting busy? Are you ready to make a baby? Then get ready. Today we'll be separating fact from fiction and giving you the truth about trying to conceive. I'm here with Emma, Hey, and Emma as we all know. Um, I didn't have to try too hard to conceive you how I was meant to be. You were in oops. However, your brother

took some effort. Um, we we were actually trying, and it took some effort from Eric because he had a terrible, terrible, terrible cold headache, fever, and I was ovulating, and I said, okay, let's go time, we're gonna make a baby. And um, God bless him. He rose to the occasion, no pun intended, no pun intended, and and we have white. But the funny thing was that why, from the time he was born had a running nose. So I always pictured this sperm like sickly sperm with a running nose, try trying

to get to the egg. But anyway, so when you were trying to conceive, what were your preconceptions about that. Well, when my first I tried to conceive for like six months and then I ended up having to do IVF. But with my second one, I had just met my now husband. We got engaged after three months of dating, and then we went to Vegas. After our engagement and you know what we we we stopped you. You know, honestly, I don't think we ever used a condom and that's

really bad advice. And don't listen to me on this, but no, please don't listen to emma. Um. But when we got engaged, I was like, just come inside of me, it's fine whatever, and so he did, and, um, come inside. The water is fine, the water is fine, the cervical mucus is fine. And you know, honestly, I always track my periods um with my my app, and my app had said I had ovulated like five days ago. So we went to Vegas and we just had a ton of fun. We had copious amounts of sex all day

long and surprised. Two weeks later, I was in um Costco and we walked by the fish and I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna throw up. Get me out of here. And then I took a pregnancy test. My friends like take a pregnancy test, so I was like no, like no, I had IVF the first time, There's no way I'm pregnant. And sure enough I was pregnant. So I had both extremes. I had a hard time getting pregnant and then I had a what happens in Vegas doesn't stay in Vegas kind of Sebby did not stay

in Vegas. He came home with you. He came home. And honestly, I think that T T C sex is kind of in a way, it kind of prepares you for parenthood because schedule found It's profound. It's so true. It's it's a scheduled thing. And when you have children, you can't just have sex on the couch. I mean you could, but that's probably illegal. Well, there's there's probably too many crumbs on the couch exactly, making days when you could have sex on the couch and crumbs weren't

a big deal. You just went for it anyway, and there was a different kind of sticky on the couch, Yes, and on the kitchen counter. We once had sex in the refrigerator. Yes, that happens. It's a thing. That's a good way to chill out. So we're gonna we're gonna

cover all of that today. So so look out, it's coming. Literally, we're gonna take a quick break and when we come back, I'm answering the biggest questions you have about trying to conceive beyond the obvious, So mom, one of the best ways for a woman to know that she's ovulating or getting ready to opulate, ah, the big oh, or I guess we can call it the other big oh. I think you should definitely mix both bigs if you can. It's gonna make baby making more fun. You already know this.

You already know this. But ovulation is when that egg that's been ripening in your ovar that you hope is going to become your baby is going to be released. It's getting ready to be released and getting ready to be fertilized. Now, you can't get pregnant without ovulating. That just can't happen because you need the egg. But you can get pregnant without ever knowing that you're ovulating. Uh.

Certainly happened in my case the first time. You know. Truthfully, if you have sex at least a few times a week in your normal, everyday life, then you're probably gonna hit baby bingo at some point. But knowing when you're about to ovulate does boost your odds, and that's why everybody is so focused on it when they're t TC.

That way, you can be sure that there are plenty of sperm who will be ready, willing, able, and waiting at the gate, and that if you're having sex for three days up to and on ovulation day, and then it'll be more likely to score that fertilized egg. Now, if you have a regular cycle, it's really pretty easy to estimate ovulation. It's typically not definitely always about fourteen days before your period is do so all you have to do is count ahead or count back and you're there.

Then count three days before the big oh, and pencil in sex for the next four days. Remember you're trying to pinpoint ovulation, so you can start your baby dancing sex about three days before and continue preferably once a day every day up to ovulation day and on the day of ovulation. But if you're curious, your body does give you other hints about when the big O is coming.

We can't talk about ovulation without talking about cervical mucus, known in the t TC circles sc M, and it's one of those bodily substances you'll want to get up close and personal with as you go about the business of baby making. Typically you don't, there's really no need to dig deep for cervical mucus it's usually going to show up on your undis or on the t P and maybe once in a while if you're not producing a lot, you might have to insert a clean finger to get a feel for it, but it helps know

what you're looking for. CM changes during your cycle. When you're not fertile, it's going to be dry and sticky and pasty, sometimes creamy, depending on where your cycle you are, and you might not even notice it at all. But when you're fertile, your CM will be slippery, and that's no surprise because your body has got your back here and is providing lubrication for sex and the best possible swimming conditions for the sperm. I really hope that none

of you had an omelet for breakfast this morning. But what's fertile CM feels like is really like an egg white. It's clear, stretchy. If you put some between your fingers, how's that for fun in the bathroom, It's gonna stretch, and it's gonna stretch without breaking. By the way, don't confuse that slippery substance for the lubrication you might normally have when you're sexually aroused. But no worries. It's fine

to have both at the same time. Now here's a fun c M fact, because I know we're having fun with our CM. Fertile cervical mucus tends to leave a circular shape on your underwear, whereas that's interesting, I didn't know that, Yeah, so check out your underwear, whereas non fertile cervical mucus is more likely to take the form of a rectangle. Mhmm. So if you're still curious, and I'm sure you are about your cervix, and you're ready to do some further investigation and maybe a deeper dive.

During most of your cycle, your cervix is firm. It feels like the tip of your nose. It's closed, and it's low in your vagina. As ovulation approaches, it opens slightly and it becomes soft like your lips. At that point it's ready to welcome those sperm. Now, some women get other clues. I always got a crampy feeling on my lower abdomen. It's on one side. It's usually the side that you're ovulating. Um. Not everybody gets it, but if you get it might last for a few hours,

maybe longer, And that's probably the egg getting ready for go. Time, or I get nauseous, there's there's some I think everything makes you nauseous, So you might know. Everybody has their own set of symptoms of signs. If you're checking also checking down there, you might notice that your vaginal lips might be swollen when you're ovulating. Okay, so you've you've been deep diving already. I play with my mucus. Yea, that's how I know. Sorry, as long as you wash

your hands. Some women, of course have some light spotting when they're ovulating. And then there's your temperature, and this is can be kind of a pain to check, especially with a thermometer. You can't use a regular digital thermometer. You have to use a special thermometer because it's going to be a slight rise in temperature. Or there's also now there's so many devices you can wear and there's

so many options. But your baseline temperature is going to bump up a day or two after ovulation, which won't help you that month, but if you're tracking it over a few months, it's going to help you predict population. Or you know, you can let technology do all the work for you and you definitely don't have to use any of those devices to get pregnant. But there are tons and tons of options out there that that are designed to help you pinpoint ovulation population predictor kits THO

p k is, their fertility monitors, their Surviva test. There's watches, fertility watches, there's fertility tracker bracelet. It's like fitbits. I mean, you name it. You can buy it and use it to predict ovulation if you want to, I mean, if you want to weigh out the cash because they can be pretty pricey. There is way more information than I can give here about these devices and I could ever give you right now, so you can find out more on what to expect dot com, what to expect app

and also in what to expect before you're expecting. Okay, mom, let's play a little game of true or false baby making. Addition, are you ready, oh born ready? First, there's only a few days a month that you can actually get pregnant. Is that true? Well, that's true, ish, So I would not recommend taking taking it to the bank if you're trying not to get pregnant. As you found out, Emma, you know your cycles aren't always what you think they are.

But if you're t tc. The chances are best for conception in the three days leading up to and including the day of ovulation. That's your very very most fertile time. But it's not the only time. Sperm. The little guys can actually hang around waiting for an egg for up to five days and sometimes even longer. And eggs, on the other hand, have a shelf life of only twelve to twenty four hours. So to make sure you're covered, you want to have sex five days before ovulation and

the day of ovulation. If you wait until the day after, then your egg window is going to have shut clothes for the month, unless, of course, you've got that ovulation date wrong. Now, on the other hand, there is absolutely no reason why if you normally have sex every day, just keep keep on, keeping on, because that'll get you pregnant just as easily. Oh those were the days. But this time of day matter. Well, any time it's a good time for sex. I think it's best to do

it when you're in the mood. Some research has shown that men have higher sperm levels in the morning. Damn it, my husband always wants have sex in the morning. Well, that that's true. There's something to be said for that. But other research has shown that sperm level levels are higher in the afternoon, so your results may vary. One time that it is a good time is when you're

watching a sexy movie. And not only because it puts you in the mood, you can put both of you in the mood, but because it can actually improve a guy's sperm quality. So yeah, just push play and get busy. Oh boy, on that couch or the fridge, or the fridge, just not the hot tub. We'll cout do that later. Okay, So you should have sex every day when you're ovulating. But is it true that the more times a day,

the better your chances of getting pregnant falls. Actually, this is a case of more is not more, So ejaculating more than once a day can be counter productive in the sperm department. Yeah, concept only takes one sperm, but there are strength and numbers, and those numbers are higher if a guy keeps to the one a day rule. Now, that's because his troops need a chance to build back up between deployments and any ejaculation counts. So, um, guys,

I'm talking to you. That means no solo activities. Hands off the merchandise, Is it true that women look sexier to their partners when they're ovulating. This is actually true. Women's faces, in a very subtle way, become more attractive to their partners, um when they're ovulating, and interestingly enough, only to their partners, not to other guys. And that's that's probably a good thing. Something else you might not notice, but his sperm will notice this the sound of your voice.

Your voice becomes sexier when you're ovulating, at least to your man. What's so the more you know? What about those pheromones? True or false? That the way you smell changes when you're ovulating. Actually that's true, and it works both ways. So you smell more attractive to him when you're ovulating, and you're more attracted to his smell as well. Not that you're gonna go sniffing around his armpits in public, but you might suddenly have an unexpected urge to do that,

So just watch out. Sometimes I do, sometimes I do. Yeah, So you're probably ovulating, and you're just going to find his smell sexier when it's go time. You might not notice that you do, but you will. Um. And plus, because your sense of smell is so much more acute when you're ovulating, you're more likely to pick up that that manly scent. And I'm not talking about old spice. I'm talking about his you know guy smell. Oh not are all? Okay? So this one actually I I got

pregnant um with Sebastian after I ovulated. So this next tour or false kind of rings true to well or did you? Yes? It does? Yes, it does. And if I want to have a girl, I should have sex before. Okay. What about all the ways people say you can control the sex of your baby during conception. I've heard that if you want to conceive a boy, have sex right before ovulation, and if you want a girl, do it a few days before. Is any of this true? Okay?

So there are a few methods that you'll find online, and people swear by them, right because sometimes they work. They have a fifty fifty chance of working, just like you have a fifty fifty chance in any other time. The one you're talking about, Emma, is based on the theory that boy sperm swim faster but fizzle out faster.

You can draw any conclusions you want about that. So if you want to boy this this method claim games that you should just have sex right before or on the day of ovulation, and then if you want a girl. Girls are slower swimmers, um, but they're hardier, so they take their time getting to destination egg, but they're stronger to the finish. So for girl, this theory goes that you should start having sex three to five days before ovulation. And there's even some theories about like your your baby's

gender is what you eat. So there were some research that wasn't really backed up that said if you eat a lot of you know, if you eat your wheaties or other kinds of cereal or grains, you're more likely to have a boy. And if you eat lots of dairy products like yogurt, you're more likely to have a girl. But um, the dairy is good for your bones, but it's it's not now, Yeah, it's not gonna work. I mean it might have a fifty chance of working. Look,

I believe even the girl method. My husband wants a daughter, so that's my you know, go to for one day. Be careful what you wish for, slid them, be careful what you wish for. Sure, false position matters when you're trying to conceive, So that's a little bit true. So the bottom line, or I guess the top line, is that as long as sperm from your partner is deposited close to your cervix, you're in business. Healthy sperm are really really good swimmers, and they swim impressively well even upstream,

and they're motivated. Those little guys are motivated. Plus it only takes one to seal the deal. But all of that said, if you want to give those little guys every advantage and a headstart and a boost from gravity, you know, in theory you might be better off on with him on top, on your back, with your hips slightly a elevated. You don't want to elevate your hips too much because in the sperm are going to shoot right past your cervix and miss it entirely. Um men. Yeah,

well the girls sperm to um and you don't. I mean, this is not a muss do either, But you if you're really trying to keep this sworm on target, you might want to avoid positions that that inherently let them leak out, like you on top or both of you standing up. But the reality is you can get pregnant in any position, as many couples have discovered without even trying, and you're more likely to keep up with your t TC sex if it doesn't become whole hum like a routine.

And so I say, you know, forget about those swimmers and choose the position that floats your love boat. Oh but speaking of swimming, there is one place not to do it, and that is underwater in a bathtub for instance. It can water down serve coal mucus, which you need the sperm need to get to their target, So it's not ideal. I don't like water sex, so I'm fine there.

I have to agree with you there. Um, I think it hurts it, probably because you become more dry ironically in water, feel like it's the pressure of the water. I don't know, Okay, so true or false. Having an orgasm can help you get pregnant, Well, it's a it's must do for guys obviously, um, but it's not a must do for mom. So I highly recommend it. But yeah, the guys, the guy's gotta have an orgasm on this part of it. Can men actually influence their sperm swimming

abilities by what they eat? Well, that's true. I mean sperm really are what they eat. Um so brightly colored fruits and veggies can make them swim faster. So does coffee, so he might want to consider a cup of Joe before sex. Now THHC. On the other hand, whether you know from weed, if it's his system or it's in your system and it actually lasted your your system for it can last for um several months, that makes slacker sperm,

so you want to avoid that. But you know how they say moms should take a women who want to become a mom should take a prenatal vitamin. Absolutely, they should for at least three months. But social dad's because that's going to increase the sperm quality. Now, you didn't ask about headstands, but maybe you'd like to talk about

headstands after sex. So remember in the What to Expect movie, the Elizabeth Banks character is doing that like super aggressive t TC routine, and um, one of the things she does is after sex, she like pretty much does a hand a headstand so that you know the sperm are

gonna get a running start and not drip out. There's some truth to that is, you know, if you elevate your hips, keep them elevated after sex instead of um, jumping up out of bed and going going to pee that you might waste a few sperm, but you've got to remember that ejaculation is a pretty powerful force. Um, guys know this all too well. So the little dribbles that inevitably drip out, they weren't destined for greatness anyway. So, I mean, you can do the headstands, but they're they're

totally optional. But Eli Elizabeth Banks, Elizabeth Banks character got pregnant when she wasn't trying when they had sex in the park, So well, there you go. Also, I also feel like you can get pregnant. You can probably get pregnant from pre come. You know, yes you can. That's something your mother may have warned you about. Yeah, so the pulling out thing does not not necessarily that that was our method before. I was like, come inside me.

So are lubricants actually sperm killers? And more importantly, you know my go to is just spit, So it's spit a sperm killer. That's really good to know, Emma, that's something I didn't know about you. So, um, you're welcome. Yeah, it's easy, it's actually it's well, you have it on hand all the time. So it is true that most lubricants are fertility unfriendly. There is one called precede that

is sperm friendly. So if you're used that with my first um when I was trying, yeah, well it's it's the one love that you can uh that you should look for when you're trying to make a baby. But the spit, let's get to the spit saliva is actually a sperm killer too. You'd think that all bodily fluids would just get along, but in fact they don't. So if you're trying to conceive, don't use spit to lubricate. I mean, I probably didn't vegas, so it's not one

hot Okay, Well, here's a good thing to remember. You can get pregnant no matter what you do or don't do, so let's keep that in mind. Yeah, but if you're trying where this is about trying. This isn't about me. This is about trying to conceive. So if you're trying to conceive, not an oopsie daisies like I had, don't you spit use precede. That's the bottom one, that's the takeaway, that's the money shot boxers or briefs. So the facts

definitely favor boxers, which is a good thing for me. Yeah, yeah, totally. I I favor them too. Um, the tidy Whitey's whatever else you want to say about them, can keep the scrotum pushed up against the body where the boys can become overheated, and that potentially lower sperm count and lowers quality. And the same goes for anything's bandex so don't box them in were boxers and loose fitting workout clothes. Another thing to remember if you're trying to protect the family jewels,

which you should um from overheating. He should stay out of the hot tub, the steam room, the sauna. He shouldn't do hot yoga when he's actively t TC, and not to mention tanning beds. Tanning beds are definitely a no no for guys who are trying to conceive, and the same goes for laptops or tablets that might overheat when a guy keeps them on his lap, So he should definitely make his um laptop a desktop while he's trying to conceive. By the way, none of these precautions

applied to women who are trying to conceive. They apply after she becomes pregnant, so overheating is not safe after you become pregnant, but before you become Pregnant's fine, So he kind of just hands the baton over to you, like, Okay,

these are my roles, now they're yours. And while he's skipping the spandex, which I also appreciate, he should also consider skipping mountain biking or spinning or even really serious stationary bike riding because it can put too much pressure on the genital air and not the good kind of pressure,

so that can impact fertility. Is it really best to take a home pregnancy test first thing in the morning, Well, it's it's not almost do it says a right there on the package that you can use any time of the day urine, but first morning urine is more concentrated, so you're more likely to get an accurate result of positive result even when you're testing super super early, because even really really tiny amounts of hCG are more likely

to show up when you have concentrated urine. On the flip side, don't take an early early test just after downing a big gulp because your p is going to be more watered down, so why not give your urine a the best shot possible. I took um my pregnancy test. My first one was sevy mid day and it was positive.

Then I went to my doctor's office a few hours later and I took another test because I had drink a big bottle of water um in the car, and it was negative and he said it was because it was water down, So exactly, exactly, And yeah, the earlier you test the less eight c G, which is the hormone that home pregnancy tests are testing for, the less you have in your urine. So if you you know, if you have a positive result, that means you're positively pregnant.

But if you have a negative result, you might just be testing too early or your p might be too water down. True or false. It takes most couples three months or less to conceive. That is false. It takes the average healthy, fully fertile couple on average of six to twelve months of active trying to hit baby bingo. So it can happen on the first tribe, but it

definitely doesn't always. That said, if if you feel like the biological clock is ticking, if you're over thirty five, check in with your doctor after three to six months, don't wait the full twelve months. If you're over thirty eight, check in after three months and if you're over forty, it makes sense to check in with the doctor right from the start, or better still, even before you start trying to conceive, just to put time on your side. And when we come back, it's helped me Hidi. And

now it's time for help me Hidi. We're all answer you're pressing pregnancy, parenting and yes, t TC questions, no holds barred, no filter allowed, t am I, no such thing. You are not alone. Motherhood is the ultimate sisterhood. So is hopeful motherhood the ultimate sisterhood. And we're here to

help a sister out Emma who needs help today. So this comes from a listener who says, my husband and I are trying to get pregnant, but the constant thought of getting the timing of having sex right and even having to enough sex is stressing us both out. Has been going on for three months now. How can stress effect getting pregnant and how can we feel less stressed

about the whole process. So it sounds like the two of you have stumbled into the rut that many hopeful parents find themselves eventually stuck in when sex becomes a means towards an end instead of a means towards a happy ending when romance takes a back seat to filling that back seat with a car seat, When your time as a twosome is constantly preoccupied with becoming a threesome or a morsome, all work and no play makes any romantic relationship, even one that you to be all fun

all the time doll monotonous and between all the monitoring and scheduling and checklists of conception dues and don't so so stressful. So good news is that scoring a baby doesn't have to be a bore or a chore, and it definitely shouldn't stress you out. So let's get you and your relationship out of that rout and back into

the groove. First, check your expectations. Sure, conception can happen overnight, but it usually doesn't, So no need to get yourself all worked up over the three months you've put in. Check that off your list. Now, try some intercourse. No, not that kind of intercourse, the talking kind. Open up to each other about how baby making has changed the way that you make love. You may be feeling like a sperm receptacle. Sure, just a place to make drive

through deposits to the baby be bank. But he may be feeling like nothing more than a sperm provider and with a pressure to rise to the occasion at the beep of a fertility monitor. He might be feeling like a performing chimp or a performing chippendale. Air out and clear out those feelings, even have a good laugh over them. Tell him that you find him stunt like even when

he's not performing those particular services. Of course, you both want to get to destination baby as fast as you can, but remind each other that getting there should be at least half the fun. Then turn up the heat. Never gotten kinky before or even naughty, There's never been a better time to try it out for size play strip poker or nude twister, press play on an erotic movie, or unveil a new sex toy or some new lingerie

that has openings in unexpected areas. Romance more your speed, dip strawberries and chocolate, dip each other in chocolate, light scented candles that melt into massage oil and into you. Don't just do it either. Maybe you've become too goal oriented these days, so slow down, start your engines purring before you push into full throttle. Has four play been off the menu these days. Serve it up as a special Get physical even when it's not that time of

the month. Stay in touch all the time, hug early and often, cut up on the sofa and with each other instead of your phones. Grab his hand whenever you can, and his butt when he least expects it. Sneak attack him with kisses, make out when was the last time you actually made out? And maybe take a break. So average everyday stress doesn't usually impact fertility. Relaxing about getting

pregnant can help you get pregnant faster. Consider ditching the chart, powering down your monitors, and keeping your hands out of your cervical mucus. It's not like it's going anywhere anyway. Focus your attention on your love connection instead of the mechanics of conception. Make love when you want to, not when you have to. Because you're in the mood now, not because you're ovulating. Now, take a break from trying

to conceive, and who knows, you might conceive without even trying. So, Emma, what is your message today for moms who are trying to conceive. I know you're trying to conceive, but if you put too much pressure on it, it's it's less likely to happen. I think. I think when you kind of say to yourself, Okay, I'm ovulating in this area, maybe why not just have some fun sex. It doesn't have to be the sex that leads to you on

the bed with your legs in the air. I mean, unless we're into if that's what, Yeah, that's what floats your boat. Legs in the air A Hawaii made have fun. When you have sex, when you're making it more of

a chore, you're not going to have that passion. So everybody out there, if you still have questions about trying to conceive, again, beyond the obvious, you can turn to what to expect before you're expecting, which actually just like what to expect when you're expecting and eating well when you're expecting, has Emma's photo on the cover, so that that's easy. I'm here for it, Emma. That means you probably should have read it, right, I had it. I

read it. I read it with the first one. I wasn't on the cover, but I read it when I was trying to get pregnant with Lennix. Oh that's right, Okay, you graduated to the cover after you finally conceived. So yeah, there's there's what to Expect before you're expecting, and once you graduate from that, what to Expect when you're expecting.

If you're trying to conceive, The What to Expect app will soon have new features just for you, including an opulation calculator, daily tips to prep your body for pregnancy, and more. Baby Belove A Baby Belove. I need you, Oh how I need you. Thanks for listening. Remember I'm always here for you. What to Expect is always here for you who are all in this together. For more on what you heard on today's episode, visit what to

Expect dot com slash of podcast. You can also check out What to Expect when You're Expecting, What to Expect the first Year, and the What to Expect app. And we want to hear from you. Connect with us on our Unity message board or on our social media. You can find me at Heidi Murkoff and Emma at Emma Being w t E and of course at What to Expect. Baby Love is performed by Riley Bider. What to Expect

is a production of I Heart Radio. From more shows from I heart Radio, check out the I heart Radio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you listen to your favorite shows in my arms right on't s stay Nija Knija Baby, Lovo Baby below