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Planning For Pregnancy

Jan 06, 202128 min
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Episode description

New year, new baby? If you’re visiting ‘What To Expect’ because you’re at the beginning of your baby-making journey, this week’s episode is for you. From what to expect at a preconception doctor's appointment, to the best ways to boost fertility and prepare your body for baby, Heidi and Emma have your planning for pregnancy needs covered - before you get busy!

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Transcript

Speaker 1

Who baby a baby? I need you, Oh hell, I need you. What do Expect is a production of I Heart Radio. I'm your host Heidi Murkop and I'm a mom on a mission, a mission to help you know what to expect every step of the way. So you're ready to get pregnant or are you? Preparing for pregnancy isn't only about tossing your birth control, getting up close and personal with your cycle and your cervical mucus, and getting busy. It's also about getting your body and your

partner's body into tiptop baby making shape. From your lifestyle to the habits you're smart to start kicking, to the supplements you're smart to start popping and not popping, even your workplace and your workout routine. Taking charge of your preconcept and prep we'll put your pregnancy on the right track before sperm and egg are even out of the gate. So before you cut to the good part baby making sex, let's dive into planning for pregnancy. Emma is here with me.

Let's make a baby. Your father and I did make a baby. You yeah you did. But here's the thing I'm gonna start with my story of how we prep for pregnancy because it's a very very short story. In fact, there was no story. As you know, we were so not ready. We couldn't have been farther from ready. We didn't have any money. We lived in a teeny tiny one bedroom apartment with cockroaches. With cockroaches, they were your children at the time, So there's that. And then I

wasn't working. Eric was working nights in weekends, so perfect for having a baby. I was not taking a prenatal vitamin. In fact, we spent most of our time partying because we've just gotten married. Tag eights, yeah, hashtag eatees. So you remember that baby think it through? You know for teenagers where they give teenagers in high school a doll to take care of and the baby cries in the middle of the night and that makes them stop and think, I'm not ready to have a baby. So I'm just

gonna say we did not think it through at all. Now, you did some planning in preparation for Lennox, quite a lot, in fact, I did, you know. Honestly, I feel like, you know, when I was fourteen, that's when my mom instincts really kicked in. Like I had a doll at fourteen, and it's all been down the hill from there. But

so yeah, with Lennox, I was super prepared. I did I VF, so I had all my injections, like the only thing that really in retrospect wasn't ready with my marriage, which fell apart, but you know what it was meant to be. I would do it fifty times over for Lennox. Yeah. And then the second time, oh, the second time I was in Vagua Britney Spirits. The Britney Spirits concert alone will get you knocked up. So much sex, day sex, night sex, shower sex, balcony sex, like, so much sex.

So probably not prepared in that sense. I had literally had both extremes. I had the planning to the second with IVF and then I had Vegas Brittany sex covered all my bases, baby. Yeah, you know, actually we did plan Wyatt and we all know the story of my opulating when when Eric was sick. But we were going for the two and a half year age gap, and we nailed it. You guys are two years five months apart.

You're just a fertile myrtle. We could not afford either one of you, in fact, but we figured, you know, while we're struggling, we might as well have two of you and struggle with two of you. Yeah, when in Rome, you know. I asked a lot of my friends on Instagram what they were most worried about when it came to this process, and money was one of the biggest issues. It is something to consider. But something else to consider

is health insurance. Because we had gotten pregnant so unexpectedly and we had just gotten married, so I didn't have health insurance. And then we realized I was pregnant, didn't have coverage for maternity care, and we had to actually lie to the insurance company because pregnancy is otherwise a pre existing condition. So we lied to them and said, well, I'm not pregnant yet, and then all of a sudden, I was pregnant. If you take one step of preparation

before you get pregnant, it is get covered. And don't assume that your insurance plan covers maternity. Make sure you call and you check, because there's always the possibility that it's not as generous a policy as you thought it was. And if you want to sign up on the A c A, you have to do that during open enrollments, so that takes a lot of preparation as well. And another kind of insurance that m I think you don't have. I don't we're talking about I was talking to dad

about this yesterday. Yeah, it's a really good idea to get life insurance. It's such a scary, like, no, I know, nobody wants to talk about it, but it's good preparation. The really unfair reality is that pregnant women are charged more if you sign up once you're pregnant, You're charge more for life insurance, and that's really not fair at all. So it's a good idea to get that life insurance ahead of time. Disability insurance another fun subject. And your workplace.

I didn't have to think about that. You didn't have to think about that because we work from home. But for other moms, most couples, they have to think about is their workplace uh safe, visit family friendly? Does it offer maternity leave or paternity leave paid preferably yeah? And is it too stressful? Is there too much travel involved? Because the time to look for a new job is not when you are pregnant. Let's just say you can't

discriminate against a pregnant woman for hiring. But the truth is that it's really hard to prove discrimination, so definitely look into that. And something else to look into as far in advance as it seems at the moment, as childcare because it can cost as much as a college tuition in some areas. Mom, these are all really super important things to think about, and I know personally I didn't for a lot of them, and I actually regret it. But again, again, who was going to listen to their mother?

I would listen to your podcast, but probably just not from the horse's mouth. If only there were podcasts back in nineteen eight. True that. So we're going to take a quick break and when week come back, I am answering the biggest questions you have about planning for pregnancy before you get busy. Okay, mom, the time has come for my favorite part, the biggest questions our listeners have when it comes to planning for pregnancy. So, first of all,

how far in advance should you ideally start planning? We're talking ideal circumstances. It really depends on how many items are on your to do list, um, and how long it will take to get them checked off your to do list. I have a whole list in the back of what to expect before you're expecting starting it's three months out, six months out, twelve months out. Okay, I literally have no idea, So enlighten me what exactly is a preconception consult and when and if should we get one?

I probably is exactly what it sounds like it is, but just help me out here. Yes, it definitely is. So it's basically your annual exam, but an extended version, and timing wise, you should probably have it at least three months ahead before you start getting busy. And if you already have your annual plan, you can just go ahead and call the office and see if you can get that extended preconception console because it's just gonna take

a little extra time. You have all the usual suspects, you know what you look forward to so much, the pelvic and the paba pressed exam. Who doesn't love a good path. But you're gonna get some extras too, because we're gonna take some blood tests to see if your iron levels are good, your vitamin D maybe maybe you'll do some genetic screening. You can ask the doctor which

ones you and your partner should have. This is to see if you have any carrier genes for any kinds of disorders, usually only one of you have to get tested. UM you're gonna go through your family history, so shake

that family tree and find out what's on it. You know, it's nobody's favorite discussion, and it can be an uncomfortable one to have, but it's really important to feel empowered to talk to your doctor at your preconception consult about your weight if you're concerned that maybe you're significantly overweight or significantly underweight, because being at a healthy weight when you conceive does boost your chances of getting pregnant in the first place and having a healthy pregnancy and a

healthy baby. So when it comes to um the doctor situation, should you stick with your old gonecologist or should you find a new one. I know a lot of times, like with Lennox, I had a fertility doctor and then I guess after you graduate, after like two months, you go to your o B. What's your recommendation on this situation?

You know, if you're not crazy about your current g y N, or you know some g y ns don't do oh B at all, or maybe you're thinking about a midwife, or maybe you'd like to look into a practice that combines midwives with Obie's because that could give you the US to both. You should start shopping around now before you get pregnant, even before your preconception consult so you can start your preconception consult with your as you said, old guynecologists, whether they're old or young, and

then switch around later once a year annual. That is not a big deal a nine months pregnancy, with all those visits you're going to have and then labor and delivery, you want to make sure you choose someone who you trustfully and you feel fully comfortable with. I mean, I couldn't agree with that more because fun little story my O B G Y and my gynecologists since I was like sixteen, he delivered Lennox, but then he couldn't deliver

babies anymore. Um, but he was still my guy. Know, so when I was pregnant with my second, he referred me to his partner, who she's amazing. You know, I'm really horrible with any sort of change in my life, and something so big put me into a little bit

of a tail spin when I was emotionally pregnant. So you know, from personal experience, I recommend getting that sit figured out before you're pregnant, because it's really hard to make that kind of change and trust somebody and get to know somebody with the clock taking, Yeah, with the clock taking and the emotions of all, especially with it.

It's such a personal thing, Like pregnancy can be a very scary thing, and you want someone who you feel comfortable with, you know, yeah, at times you're at your most vulnerable. You want someone you can ask questions, yeah, and not feel like rushed, not feel rushed, and also feel like they're not just you know, half listening, yeah, off the side of their desk kind of thing, but they're really paying attention to you. That's so important, and have some empathy or sympathy. You need a doctor that

works with your personality. Like for me, I need someone who is not an alarmist, because I am an alarmist. You don't want someone to feed your anxiety. No, not that you want someone to talk you off the ledge. Now, on the subject of checkups, first of all, guys to get a check up too. They're not going to be carrying the baby, but they're gonna have a job in creating that baby, making that baby. And also you need to go to the dentists. What does pregnancy have to

do with dental health? Actually a lot, And if you have gum problems or teeth problems, those can actually cause pregnancy complications. So you've got to take care of all that work before you get pregnant, preferably. So I started way in Evans taking prenatals before at lenox, but not obviously it was sobby because it was an oopsie daisy. So how long are you supposed to do that? Like? How long? In events? Ideally at least three months before you start actively t TC. But my thing is why wait?

Like you know what I always say, there is no downside to taking a prenatal vitamin UM, even if you don't have baby on the front burner plans, because your hair and skin and your nails are going to thank you anyway, and then you're covered, and then you never know the oopsie daisies. So um, a multi vitamin with FULLY can help produce healthier sperm, and we're all about the healthier sperm. Plus, a FULLY deficiency in men, just like in women, has been linked to birth effects. So

it takes two to make a healthy baby. And I say, take your vitamins together, you know, just every night say cheers your baby making vitamins. That's actually really impressious. I know I had to stop my soul offt but which other medications need to be changed? Prescription over the counter, and what about like that herbal stuff? You know, this is another good reason to do that preconception consult so you can ask ahead of time which medications you should stop.

And by the way, you should never wing yourself off of antidepressants without your doctor's advice and supervision, or any supplements or any medications that you take on a regular basis. It's really important to do that with medical supervision. So don't necessarily think you're going to toss everything. There may be some changes to be, some adjustment and doses. Also ask what supplements you should be taking. For the most part, you're probably gonna be told just take the prenatal vitamin.

You don't need a whole bunch of other supplements. And you should know which over the counter medications you should try to get off of. And the same thing goes for dad's. He should check about the medications that he's taking with his doctor and see which he might need to change up because maybe they're not fertility friendly. The same goes for supplements. When is the right time to pull the goalie ak go off for control before trying

to conceive. It depends who your goalie is. So first of all, you need to get your body ready and then you pull the goalie. The only one you need to pull way ahead of time. If your goalie is debot, prevayor shots um. If you're getting those shots, you need to stop them six to twelve months, and then you're gonna have to use a backup birth control while you're waiting. And the pill. You know, anybody who's been on the pill knows that you could get pregnant just by missing

one pill. And so you can just go off the pill and get pregnant. But it's not a bad idea because it's not a natural cycle for you to have a natural cycle or two before you start trying to conceive, because that way, you know, you have a better sense of ovulation and your cycle. Okay, So with Lennox, I went a little bit gray with chemical products. Like I stopped worring, I stopped wearing deodorant. I tried the natural stuff. Yeah, I I only wore natural makeup. But like, how crazy

do you really have to go here? You don't have to go crazy. Look, it's a good time to clean up your diet to you know, clean up your lifestyle and start reading labels. The thallits and p p A are linked to lower fertility, both for men and for women, and they're possibly also linked to pregnancy complications, so you know, play it safe. Look for b p A free, fragrance free salet, free lead in your water. That's something that you should have tested and if it needs to be

abated ahead of time, that's important to do. And your mercury intake, because mercury does get stored in your system, it's important to start lowering your intake of fish that are high in mercury so that your mercury isn't rising. Sushi bar, get it while you can, because it's totally fine to have have that sashimi before you get pregnant, but quit the swordfish, the shark, fresh tuna. What other lifestyle changes should people know about caffeine? This is a

very important personal question for me. Yeah. Um, it really depends on how big your habit is and how long it's going to take to wean yourself off of it. Hashtag Trenta, your trend is definitely not gonna cut it. Probably about twelve ounces per day is fine. So that's l O L. You've put a lot of milk in yours. I don't think it's as bad as you think. Alcohol is something you did not have to worry about now. Alcohol is not really a deal breaker until you're actively

trying to conceive. But you know, if you if you're used to drinking a bunch, then you might want to start cutting back because alcohol can mess with your cycles a bit. But also exhibit A. I am proof that my mom was drinking a ton while she was trying to get pregnant, and I'm amazing, I wasn't trying to get profit. Why when you got pregnant, when you got

pregnable accident and I apologize and you came out just fine. No, I mean, you know, the truth is a lot of women have some drinks, a few drinks, a lot of drinks before they find out they're pregnant. That's not the issue. Smoking. If you are a smoker, if your partners a smoker, you definitely have to kick butt before you start trying to have that baby. And you know that's one of the reasons why I say, if it takes a year, it takes for a year, you want to give yourself

the time that you need to quit. You don't have to worry about past smoking. So if you smoked a lot in the past, it it's not going to impact your pregnancy. Give yourself lots and lots of props for quitting now, because it really is the best gift you can give your baby. And then of course we'd um we can actually reduce fertility and guys, even if you're the one who's smoking it, because it stays in your reproductive track and it can cause slacker sperm. Okay, so

we talked about the mom's way, but what about the guys. Yeah, they may gain a few pounds on your pregnant sympathy weight, but do they really need to lose weight before. Yeah, for guys, too many fat cells equal too much estrogen, and in stating the obvious apart it too much estrogen not such a good thing when it comes to male fertility. And the same thing for being super skinny without anybody fat that can actually decrease sperm production too. So happy

medium for both of you. You can look at this as a team effort. You know, the team, teamwork, The couple that preps together makes a healthy baby together. Dad bad for the win, right, Yes, it's a whole movement. Dad bond. Not too skinny, not too heavy, little soft. I don't know. I like the dad bond. Okay, sorry to me. Regardless, teamwork makes the dreamwork. That's right, the baby dream. So, as you know, since she gave birth to me, I am four every five so this doesn't

really apply to me, but for everyone else? How does age factor into this timeline for both mom and dad? I'm actually really curious because my husband's a lot older than me. He's what years older? Yeah, by this point he's getting older and older. I don't you think that, um, with the longer lifespan that we have in modern times, that our egg shelf life would have evolved to and would have gotten longer. But in fact, women are still at their most fertile before most women are even remotely

ready in their lives to have a baby. So that's in their very very early twenties, and the same for guys. But just because your body is ready in your early twenties, that doesn't mean your life is ready and planning your pregnancy at the time that's right for you and your partner is definitely ideal. So age is a factor, it's just not the only factor, and it's not even that huge a factor. And you've got to keep in mind fertility it doesn't drop off a cliff on your thirty

fifth birthday. It's more of a gradual decline, and so it's a decline that gets steeper after the age of forty. Now, the latest stats have actually really shown really recent sets have shown that the birth rate for women under twenty four, where I was in my first pregnancy, are at record lows, and there are record highs for women over thirty five and even over forty. So maybe thirty five is the new twenty after all. When it comes to getting pregnant.

Breaking it down by the numbers, if you're twenty five, your chances of getting pregnant are about twenty five in any given cycle. If you're in your late thirties, it's more like fifteen percent. That's not really a huge difference if you think about it. Now, at forty or older, you can get pregnant naturally, but your chances in a cycle or down to about five, So it's doable. It's

just not as easy to do. And for guys, since you were asking Emma, the decline is more gradual and the greatest drop is after age forty five, So they can get the job done for sure, it just might take longer. David Foster got Katherine McPhee pregnant. What is he seventy? So I feel like it's possible. It's definitely possible.

Congratulations to them, by the way. So if you're if you're really feeling generally ready and you feel the clock is ticking, you feel like you don't have that much reproductive wiggle time, and that's a reason you might want to expedite you're planning and cut right to the baby making chase and get busy. I literally hear this all the time. What if your relationship is so good and you're afraid that having a baby will change that. Okay,

so let's start with a true story. I knew Eric her dad when I'm talking to you, and we knew each other for exactly ten months before we got pregnant. We were married for three months. Things were amazing. There's like dinners out, you know, romantic dinners, sex, more sex, more sex. But we were just the two of us for a grand total of about a year of married

life before you came along. And guess what I think, weren't exactly the same as they were before you came along, But eventually they only got better and better, like deeper and deeper. You know, having a baby does change everything, but different isn't necessarily a bad thing. Different can be better, you know, it can be deeper, it can have more dimension. Yeah, maybe less sex, probably less x Okay, definitely less. Yeah,

definitely less sex and less sleep. But you know, as long as you're prepared for change, you know, the shifting of dynamics, then change can be good. I mean, here's my thing. The best time to have a baby is when your relationship is in that good place, when you're feeling the most connected, when things are great between you, when you're like super close and connected, when your head over heels and love, you're completely crushing on each other.

Then it might not be easy at first, like it never is, but ultimately having a baby together can actually bring you closer together. And the flip side of that is when you're trying to fix to your relationship by having a baby, it's usually not the best band aid for a relationship that needs fixing. So I would say fix your relationship first, get to that good place, and then have your baby. That could not be more true. I am a testament of that. What if he's ready

and you're not, or you're ready and he's not. You know, you always have to be open and honest about it. You have to talk about it. It has to be a team effort right from the start. I mean if there are two team members. If you're going it alone, then of course that's that's your decision to make. But otherwise you both need to be on the same page about baby making. With Lennox, my um, my husband at the time wasn't necessarily all in. You took me to

all my appointments. Is really rough, and he wasn't really involved. It wasn't teamwork making a dream work. So you know, he said he was ready, but he physically wasn't there. So yeah, I think that know, having have had both both scenarios, I definitely think that the second was better because my husband was there for every appointment. He was so excited. You know, he had the ultrasound on top

of his advisor in his car. It's still there, you know, it's It's like, it's just little things like that that just make that whole experience more special when you're both really excited about it. So what would you say to someone who's not share they're ready to start trying, or if they'll ever be ready to start trying? You know?

For this, obviously, I have to quote Chris Rock because duh um from What to Expect When You're Expecting movie, and it's a scene where they're in the park and Rodrigo Centauro is like in a state of panic because he just found out that the adoption was coming with Jennifer Lopez was going to come through sooner than they expected, and all of a sudden he was going to be a dad. And he's saying, I'm not ready. I'm not ready. And he says to Chris Rock, but how do you

know you're ever ready? And Chris says, not a good impersonation here, but Chris says, you're never ready. You just jump onto a speeding train and you try not to die. So I think that pretty much some sit up. You can never really be ready for a life change that's as monumental as having a baby. But that's okay because nobody nobody is ever really fully ready, even if they planned and prepared and they thought they were as ready

as possible. All you really can do is prepare your body the best you can feather your nests if you happen to have the chance, and then, like Chris said so profoundly, you jump on that speeding train. And if you're not ready, let's just say you're gonna get ready and a hurry real fast. Baby belof a, Baby belof I need you, Oh hell, I need you. Thanks for listening. Remember I'm always here for you. What to Expect is

always here for you. We're all in this together. For more on what you heard on today's episodes, visit what to Expect dot com slash podcast. You can also check out What to Expect when You're Expecting, What to Expect the First Year, and the What to Expect app And we want to hear from you. Connect with us on our community message board or on our social media. You can find me at Heidi Murkoff and Emma at Emma Being w t E and of course at What to Expect.

Baby Love is performed by Riley Bader. What to Expect is a production of I Heart Radio from more shows from I heart Radio check out the I heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. In my Arms, what on s STAINEDA, Needa Baby love O, Baby Low

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